The DNA of Relationships for Couples

by Greg Smalley

This book shows readers who are struggling in their marriage the steps to take to strengthen and rebuild their marriage relationship. The practical solutions are built on the basic steps that are explained in The DNA of Relationships. Smalley uses fictional couples (based on real client experience) who are grappling with real-life problems ranging from work and family priority balance issues to extramarital affairs. Through the telling of the stories of real couples going through the step-by-step counseling process, the book provides a tool to help both partners identify destructive relationship habits and explains how to begin the rebuilding process.

Genres: Marriage, Psychology

400 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2006

Reviews

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Here's something that doesn't get mentioned in any other reviews or even the blurb: the whole book is super religious and the methods described are largely Bible-based. The word "god" appears in the book 254 times (and "Satan" only 8 - mostly in the chapter about power struggles in relationships). It's that kind of book. Half the time I felt like I was taking a Bible study class, against my will.

However, despite the off-putting Bible-basher approach, I do think there is a lot to be gained from the book if you are willing to look beyond all the religious references (and there are lot of them, so it's not easy), or if you are into that sort of Bible study class approach to your marital affairs. If you are not - the messages are still sound. I was afraid to see the "sanctity of marriage" argument that requires one or both spouses to put up with all sorts of crap just because divorce is a no-no according to this particular brand of religious, but this message was thankfully missing from the book.

Written from the perspective of different people - 4 fictitious couple undertaking a 4 day intensive group therapy course - it reads quite well and the shifting perspective breaks up the pace so it doesn't get too monotonous. It does however resemble a soap opera (a highly religious one) at times.

So in conclusion, it's a worthwhile read with a good message but you've got to be prepared to put up with religious references throughout and some laugh-out-load soap opera moments.

[Kristin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book after I read the DNA of Relationships by Greg’s father. I highly recommend reading this one AFTER reading the book by Gary. It’s written in story form and follows a number of couples who actually attend one of the group marriage encounters at the then, Smalley Marriage Institute. Since this book originally came out, Gary Smalley has passed away (the founder of the Marriage Institute) and his son Greg has gone to work for Focus on the Family who now owns the Marriage Institute and have since renamed it the Focus on the Family Retreat Center. But you didn’t really need to know that to read this book. I liked reading this book AFTER the DNA of Relationships because it helps show the principles you learn in the first book actually being used in very relatable scenarios. Since reading this book and the one written by Greg’s father, I’ve had the MAJOR BLESSING of actually visiting and participating in a one person marriage encounter. I highly highly recommend doing this if it is at all possible as it changed my life, and was the first step in many that contributed to a MIRACLE in my marriage! And the BONUS, is that the retreat center is absolutely gorgeous!!

[Brandi D'Angelo · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book reads more like a reality show than a non-fiction self-help guide. It was entertaining for awhile, but I quickly got bored. If you have more patience, or maybe could relate more to the individual stories, then you might fare better.

What I did find useful were the sections at the back where they give concrete advice on "heart talk", conflict resolution, and overcoming roadblocks. My favorite take-away: "Therefore, we encourage you to adopt a no-losers policy: Either both partners win or no one wins." They follow that up with a whole section on how to do that. Very useful!

[Crystal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gives a realistic view of a marriage intensive. I attended one with my spouse recently. This book was given to us at the end. Some of the wording in the methods has changed but it's a good starting point for someone who has not attended. The reason I gave it a four instead of a five was because everyone wrapped up so nicely at the end in the relationships. I guess because it's a fictional representation that makes sense but it wasn't my reality.

[Samuel Sithole · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is by far the best book that I have read on marriage as well as personal well being! I have a lot to reflect and study on this topic, and this book gives invaluable framework and tools. Thank you Dr Greg Smalley!

[Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book for all couples to read whether newlyweds or married for 50 years!!

[Alice Wiley · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good. So helpful. It has been revolutionary for our marriage.

[Jess Doma · Rating 5 out of 5]

If your marriage is struggling I can’t recommend this book or their marriage intensives enough!

[Kaylen Ross · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the best narrative books on communication, boundaries, and love in marriage! Reads kind of like a love story, but serious because it's four storylines/perspectives of different married couples at a retreat to try & heal their brokenness. Discusses real problems and how to work through them. The only warning I would give is that this book's intention is to keep married couples married, not give the message that one who is merely dating someone should stay with a person in the same situation.

[Otis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Need help in your marriage? This is a must read. Excellent real life story of how to get through the rough times. Excellent book.

[Erinjereb · Rating 1 out of 5]

Didn't get much out of it...

[Lewis Miller]

One of the best books I have read on getting along with my wife Linda.

[Lucy Monroe]

Love this book. It is a great resource for my books.