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You'll Win Nothing With Kids
An alternate cover edition can be found here.
On Sunday mornings Jim White has the following choice: visit the supermarket, buy trellising at B'n'Q, or stand on the sidelines of a muddy municipal football pitch, his trouser cuffs wetter than a weekend in Llandudno, shoulder-to-shoulder with a motley crew of mums, dads, step-parents and same-sex life partners all screaming at their beleaguered offspring. You'll find Jim in the same place every week, failing to organise a bunch of lads into something resembling a team while on the far side of the park his opposite number, a wannabe Mourinho in brashly monogrammed tracksuit, struts the sidelines, shouting - always shouting.
This is the hilarious story of Jim White's time as manager of his son's football team: the highs, the lows, and the dog turd in the centre circle. At this level, winning spirit is not so much about passion, pride and belief as praying that your star centre forward has remembered his boots. Most importantly, it's about the enduring relationship between fathers, sons and football. This is the story no one who has ever watched his or her child play sport will want to miss.
On Sunday mornings Jim White has the following choice: visit the supermarket, buy trellising at B'n'Q, or stand on the sidelines of a muddy municipal football pitch, his trouser cuffs wetter than a weekend in Llandudno, shoulder-to-shoulder with a motley crew of mums, dads, step-parents and same-sex life partners all screaming at their beleaguered offspring. You'll find Jim in the same place every week, failing to organise a bunch of lads into something resembling a team while on the far side of the park his opposite number, a wannabe Mourinho in brashly monogrammed tracksuit, struts the sidelines, shouting - always shouting.
This is the hilarious story of Jim White's time as manager of his son's football team: the highs, the lows, and the dog turd in the centre circle. At this level, winning spirit is not so much about passion, pride and belief as praying that your star centre forward has remembered his boots. Most importantly, it's about the enduring relationship between fathers, sons and football. This is the story no one who has ever watched his or her child play sport will want to miss.
- GenresFootballNonfictionHumor
288 pages, Paperback
First published August 30, 2007
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37 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
August 25, 2021
This was an amusing tale about a football journalist managing his kid's football team and the politics and practicalities in doing so each weekend. This is one of a few books I've read about sport played purely for fun but it was was light, rather than hilarious, but mercifully short of tales that were obviously played for laughs - nobody fell face first into a dog turd or had a karmic pratfall after abusing a ref, and so it appeared authentic.
As it was a children's football team a lot of the kids blended into one, and so all of the 'characters' were adults. Jeff was a highlight, taking everything too seriously and wanting to get rid of the unambitious players like this was a semi-pro non-league side and not a hobby, and I certainly sided with White when he wound him up so that he could moan about something else. The bickering around club admin was insightful but also mercifully brief - the scenes themselves were not that interesting.
The chapter about sports day was one of the few where I did question the truth behind the story as it seemed too outrageous to be accurate, a parody of happy-clappy liberalism. That aside I thought it was a fundamentally warm-hearted book and one of the better of its type, covering many aspects of amateur football from kit washing to monetising the tea stand.
As it was a children's football team a lot of the kids blended into one, and so all of the 'characters' were adults. Jeff was a highlight, taking everything too seriously and wanting to get rid of the unambitious players like this was a semi-pro non-league side and not a hobby, and I certainly sided with White when he wound him up so that he could moan about something else. The bickering around club admin was insightful but also mercifully brief - the scenes themselves were not that interesting.
The chapter about sports day was one of the few where I did question the truth behind the story as it seemed too outrageous to be accurate, a parody of happy-clappy liberalism. That aside I thought it was a fundamentally warm-hearted book and one of the better of its type, covering many aspects of amateur football from kit washing to monetising the tea stand.
Read
October 23, 2019A wonderful book, full of humorous anecdotes and experiences from the authors travails of coaching a kids football team from under 10's through to 16yr olds.
I ripped through it in a few sittings as it was particularly relevant as I have recently found myself joint-coaching of my son's football team on Saturday mornings... and I could relate to the common themes and intricacies of trying to coordinate a bunch of kids to kick a ball around a field, like herding cats.
I particularly liked the club/parent politics and some of these exchanges had me chuckling out loud, especially as the book progressed.
I found myself rooting for the kids and feeling the emotion of some of the matches as their campaign continues and they grow into a proper team (and their coach come chairman starts to resemble the very archetype of the shouty parents found on the sidelines throughout the land).
I came upon this book by chance in a local Oxfam and it jumped out at me. I'm glad it did! Enjoy.
I ripped through it in a few sittings as it was particularly relevant as I have recently found myself joint-coaching of my son's football team on Saturday mornings... and I could relate to the common themes and intricacies of trying to coordinate a bunch of kids to kick a ball around a field, like herding cats.
I particularly liked the club/parent politics and some of these exchanges had me chuckling out loud, especially as the book progressed.
I found myself rooting for the kids and feeling the emotion of some of the matches as their campaign continues and they grow into a proper team (and their coach come chairman starts to resemble the very archetype of the shouty parents found on the sidelines throughout the land).
I came upon this book by chance in a local Oxfam and it jumped out at me. I'm glad it did! Enjoy.
October 23, 2025
An easy read that accurately depicted my experience growing up playing Sunday league football - interesting though to read it from the other side, that of the coach/parents.
This book does already show its age, however, and I hope some of the topics are a thing of the past.
What disappointed me most was the lack of exploration into the father-son relationship. There are moments, but I thought there would be more.
I think the book ends up being quite a surface level description, rather than going any deeper.
This book does already show its age, however, and I hope some of the topics are a thing of the past.
What disappointed me most was the lack of exploration into the father-son relationship. There are moments, but I thought there would be more.
I think the book ends up being quite a surface level description, rather than going any deeper.
November 13, 2025
Having initially started this and stopped, I picked it up again and at the end really enjoyed it. It's a very different read to most other football biographies. For a start it has drama, flow, characters galore and it's only ever about some under 14 amateur team. With lots of life lessons and joy, it's a really understated but interesting read. Would recommend
July 30, 2022
Man meets kids football. Survives. Just.
February 23, 2023
Not read for a while- was a brilliant reflection of junior football
July 28, 2023
Good read about the bond that football can create between fathers and sons.
July 17, 2025
Simplistic but pleasing insight into parenthood, childhood and sport. Perhaps slightly polarised at times but also funny.
October 24, 2023
If you're involved in running a junior team this is a must read, I couldn't put it down. Plenty of humour and tales of struggles that will go on in junior clubs up and down the country.
January 8, 2024
"You'll Win Nothing With Kids" by Jim White offers an amusing and insightful exploration into the world of youth football and the challenges faced by both parents and coaches. White's witty and engaging writing style makes the book an enjoyable read for football enthusiasts and parents alike. The author seamlessly weaves personal anecdotes with broader observations about the culture surrounding youth sports, providing a humorous yet thought-provoking commentary on the competitive nature of youth football.
One of the strengths of the book lies in White's ability to capture the essence of the highs and lows experienced by both children and their parents in the pursuit of success on the football field. The narrative is peppered with humorous accounts of parental sideline antics and the author's own experiences as a coach, adding a lighthearted touch to the overall tone. White successfully highlights the delicate balance between fostering a love for the game and succumbing to the pressures of intense competition at a young age.
While the book primarily focuses on football, it also delves into broader themes of parenting, sportsmanship, and the importance of enjoying the journey rather than fixating solely on winning. White's keen observations and witty commentary make "You'll Win Nothing With Kids" a relatable and enjoyable read for anyone navigating the complex world of youth sports. However, those seeking in-depth tactical analysis or a more serious examination of the youth football system may find the book somewhat lacking in that regard.
In summary, Jim White's "You'll Win Nothing With Kids" is a charming and entertaining exploration of the world of youth football, offering a delightful blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful reflections on the challenges and joys of nurturing young athletes.
One of the strengths of the book lies in White's ability to capture the essence of the highs and lows experienced by both children and their parents in the pursuit of success on the football field. The narrative is peppered with humorous accounts of parental sideline antics and the author's own experiences as a coach, adding a lighthearted touch to the overall tone. White successfully highlights the delicate balance between fostering a love for the game and succumbing to the pressures of intense competition at a young age.
While the book primarily focuses on football, it also delves into broader themes of parenting, sportsmanship, and the importance of enjoying the journey rather than fixating solely on winning. White's keen observations and witty commentary make "You'll Win Nothing With Kids" a relatable and enjoyable read for anyone navigating the complex world of youth sports. However, those seeking in-depth tactical analysis or a more serious examination of the youth football system may find the book somewhat lacking in that regard.
In summary, Jim White's "You'll Win Nothing With Kids" is a charming and entertaining exploration of the world of youth football, offering a delightful blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful reflections on the challenges and joys of nurturing young athletes.
May 24, 2011
You'll Win Nothing With Kids: Fathers, Sons and Football is about how the author, Jim White, created a strong bond with his son by coaching his football team. In addition, the book explains the strong relationships that can be formed between father and son through the topic of football, whether its's going to watch a game together, or playing the game together. Furthermore, this book explains how serious and competitive Jim White was as coach, wanting to win the league with his son's team, and the challenges he faced while being the coach. Also, Jim White talks about his experiences of journalism, and his memories of meeting famous football players, and his good and bad memories of football.
I think that people, from ages 13+, should read this book, because it can teach us many things between the bonds of father and son, and because it is a great book that would be enjoyed by all. It's a funny, happy and wonderful book, with any great lessons and experiences in it. It helps teach us the important things in life, and it's a book that would put a smile on your face. This is a book that I am strongly convinced that people will love this book, for it is cheerful, funny, and heartwarming.
I think that people, from ages 13+, should read this book, because it can teach us many things between the bonds of father and son, and because it is a great book that would be enjoyed by all. It's a funny, happy and wonderful book, with any great lessons and experiences in it. It helps teach us the important things in life, and it's a book that would put a smile on your face. This is a book that I am strongly convinced that people will love this book, for it is cheerful, funny, and heartwarming.
October 21, 2012
This was a good book which I whizzed through in a couple of days. I was expecting it to be better but the author can't be blamed for my pre-conceptions.
As a manager of a junior football team myself I was able to easily identify with much of what Jim White was writing about. In places it made me chuckle quietly to myself as it held up a mirror to my own experiences.
In a couple of places I lost track a little as the narrative was broken by flashbacks to events in previous seasons. I was also a little disappointed not to learn more about some of the other characters. In fairness to the author though this was very much his biographical account rather than a fictional story which might well have shown more viewpoints.
As a manager of a junior football team myself I was able to easily identify with much of what Jim White was writing about. In places it made me chuckle quietly to myself as it held up a mirror to my own experiences.
In a couple of places I lost track a little as the narrative was broken by flashbacks to events in previous seasons. I was also a little disappointed not to learn more about some of the other characters. In fairness to the author though this was very much his biographical account rather than a fictional story which might well have shown more viewpoints.
September 16, 2014
A funny page turner in which every football coach can relate too. Not a page that doesn't entertain and do justice to the highs and lows of kids football from the touch line. Brilliantly written, what a great surprise in a paper format!
April 13, 2017
Really wanted to give this 3.5 stars.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews