If you could fold your soul like leaves and disappear.
Coughing in the English rain too pale and far too thin, living on cigarettes and headaches standing in possible motion on this non-existent line.
The only thing you do is what you have to do. The only thing you know is that it will be spring in England when you die.
- pg. 10
* * *
(And here am I also, sitting in a Toronto restaurant, crying, Simone, Simone. Here, now, we are dying of needing each other, dear dead sister along, alone, gripping electric-shock hands in the void by the bright red exit sign and the radio trees.
Sitting in Toronto, crying.
This is not poetry, this is not what I call poetry, this is the demon Hunger. My dear, my dear I will cry for your torture here in Toronto. Clutching, your pain, electric light, listen, the blaze in the darkness -
Simone, Simone)
- pg. 16
* * *
Small one, Simone-Adolphine, may you have flowers. Blue French flowers, may they fall on your thin hands. (And this, I know, is sentimental. Mrs. Francis throwing the little tricolour bouquet into the grace. Silly, female, British. All is well.) Velvet-eyed child with midnight hair laughing in forests.
Sister, I give you what I can. Pray for me, sister.
Beautiful child, will you sing?
- pg. 21
* * *
I do not dislike this intelligent desert, this Toronto where I am. Perhaps I would choose the cold lake and the trees at the cottage, or the grey ice of the long streets of Leningrad. But I have not chosen so; so I assume I do not wish it.
I do avoid the savage children still waiting by the school wall.
- pg. 29
* * *
If I might explain. There are places I have been before the music; the sound of rain on the lake, or the wind in branches, the lean throats of the geese are still not what I mean. The space we are hasty to fill
is always the shape of nature - to kill is the rational shape of our death. I do not wish it. I will explain if I might; the breath is a movement between the flesh and empty space. Suppose that between Toronto and Nazareth you should see reflected in the water your own face.
We must find this place. Have you seen it shine from the purity of the machine? Have you known it in the broken pace of strange and skeletal music? What I have seen I cannot explain; but I am such as I know not - if I were objective, inarguable, keen. I may explode if you touch.
- Quartet for Strings, pg. 39
* * *
One drives in Toronto at night. Among the weird ambivalent voices of Yonge Street neon tones of embarrassed wire, or in the darkness, further. On the highway, certain restaurants puddle in light, where one drinks coffee on plastic seats and listens.
Many things are perfect only in memory. This is the result of intractable commitment.
Or one may walk silent, silent suburban blocks to the stores that never close for milk and biscuits.
I have a conception that lacks all possible means of reproduction. But I praise the human voice.
- Salisbury Pavan, pg. 49
* * *
The cycle of mystery is turning, turning on and into me, the time is not so long, and they are still burning the innocent leaves.
Nobody grieves for the living. Listen, the sacrifice rears up at unexpected moments. Ritual and ecstasy the rational passionate metal are the unicorn offspring only of emptiness. Will you be driven or will you dare?
To be pure creature purely, to create your divinity between the flesh and breath, to mean one thing, one contemplation - listen this is blood, this is not easy.
Walk in the towering walls of glass. In the epilogue persons and actions no further part.
Transcendence is not art, it is a technology of the mangled heart.
- Das Marienleben, pg. 54
* * *
There was a name I lost in the smog like a white stone and I broke the bones of all my fingers, one by one, to mark my smug betrayals, all the times I smiled and said that it had come again. Red hearts revolve in double spirals round my spine and pigeons mate in the slush - I wait for the death of my much speaking comfortable voices. The choice is to die or to die. But do not think that this is a conclusion.
Have you seen the stars in February have you seen how Venus is huge as ice? Crippled like ceramics, I stepped off a cliff and found that I was walking in the sky and all is still unfinished.