Emotional Intelligence in Couples Therapy: Advances from Neurobiology and the Science of Intimate Relationships

by Brent J. Atkinson

Over the past thirty years, groundbreaking studies on the relationships of couples have identified precisely what intimate partners must do in order to have successful partnerships. Yet even when they know what would work, partners often find that they are unable to do these things. Why is this?

Provocative new neurological research suggests that old habits die hard for a reason―they may be woven into the fabric of brain states. We are wired for specific kinds of neural activations very early in life and these habitual responses are automatically activated in daily living, often without conscious awareness. Once they are set, these activation patterns (also known as response states) are likely to continue throughout a person’s life.

For the most part, we don’t volunteer for these response states; we simply find ourselves under their influence. When any one of them is activated, we may lose the capacity to choose freely our thoughts and actions. It’s as if, at that moment, someone else is in charge. For these reasons and others, people in relationships may find it extremely difficult if not impossible to change how they respond to their partners. No matter how much partners want to change, their wired response states oppose their intentions.

Part 1 of this book is a tour of the revolutionary discoveries emerging from neurobiology and the science of intimate relationships. Atkinson shows readers the implications of these discoveries for those who seek to change interpersonal habits and improve intimate relationships. These neural operating programs may also help explain why psychotherapies often fail to promote lasting change.

In Part 2 readers will find a remedy for this problem. Atkinson introduces Pragmatic/Experiential Therapy for Couples (PET-C), a step-by-step approach to working with couples that facilitates relationship change by promoting increased levels of neural integration in each partner. In PET-C, partners learn to identify mood states which perpetuate outmoded thoughts, attitudes, and habits of interaction. Once identified, clients are then assisted in the process of "re-wiring" these states for more flexibility and then activating alternate states which support new avenues for thought and action.

Extensive case examples and ample illustrations of therapeutic dialogue demonstrate for readers the ins and outs of implementing PET-C with their clients. This book is supplemented by a companion CD-ROM titled Developing Habits for Relationship Success . The CD-ROM has two workbooks―for clients with male partners and clients with female partners―that can be personalized with the client’s name and printed out on demand. The workbooks contain dozens of take-home exercises designed to help clients identify troublesome response states and then develop new emotional habits.

The discovery and understanding of the brain’s neural operating systems is of huge importance for anyone who seeks to make sense of troubled relationships and understand why partners often persist in self-defeating interactions. Emotional Intelligence in Couples Therapy is essential reading for anyone working with couples and seeking a new way to approach and understand human interactions.

Genres: Psychology, Relationships, Counselling

392 pages, Hardcover

First published October 8, 2005

Reviews

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yup, I read the whole thing - and I presented in my couples counseling class today. Too bad it couldn't count for neurodiversity.

So one of the cutting edge movements in psychology today is neuroscience and the neurobiology of relationships. This book talks about how when couples go deeper, they shift (and re-wire) their internal states - thus causing a physiological mirror of the emotional gains they make. Its interesting, but not as useful. If you are looking for the gold standard in couples books to strengthen marriage, I would go with Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson (which I presented in its entirety today, although I reviewed it years ago) or the Seven Principles of Making Marriage work, by John Gottman, another leader in this field. This one - I just gave you the synopsis. You're good to go.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

borrowed from library, 1 Feb. 2014

very clear scripts


(ch 2)to allow previously unfelt feelings such that it is stressful but tolerable is optimal for successful change in psychotherapy

ref to Louis Cozolino
The Neuroscience of Human Relationships: Attachment and the Developing Social BrainThe Neuroscience of Psychotherapy: Building and Rebuilding the Human Brain

Introduction : new answers to old questions --
Ch. 1. Affective neuroscience and the emotional revolution --
Ch. 2. Wired for love --
Ch. 3. The prerequisites for relationship success --
Ch. 4. An overview of pragmatic/experiential therapy for couples -- Ch. 5. PET-C assessment --
Ch. 6. Creating internal shifts -- Ch. 7. Getting each partner on board : introduction -- Ch. 8. Getting each partner on board : case example -- Ch. 9. Retrospective review and prospective planning -- Ch. 10. Critical aspects of reviewing/planning -- Ch. 11. Rewiring internal states -- Ch. 12. Accessing the intimacy states -- Ch. 13. Becoming a skilled PET-C practitioner.

[Sarah Ryburn · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is a text for school, but i'd recommend it to all of my married friends and family. while it approaches emotional intelligence from a clinical perspective (chapters 4-13 address PET-C, atkinson's treatment modality for couples' therapy), the introduction and first three chapters are virtually jargon-free and lay-reader friendly and, i think, should be required reading for getting a marriage license.

[Krissy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have benefited tremendously from this book-- personally and as a therapist. Atkinson's explanation of brain function and how that affects the people we become makes a lot of sense. I have recommended this book to friends who have no interest in therapy and have heard great reviews from them as well!

[Stanley Hall · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this for one of my classes and it is revolutionary. I read it carefully and have benefited greatly.