Overall score:
4 stars, rounded up.
The Phantom Menace: 2 stars
Easily the driest out of the three books. This is basically the film script padded out a bit more (reading the finished script would have been more exciting, honestly). There are some nice lines here and there, inclusions of deleted scenes and dialog, but nothing worth taking the time to read when you have the movie already.
The Attack of the Clones: 4 stars
This a massive improvement over the previous book. Like The Phantom Menace, deleted scenes are incorporated but they enhance rather than detract from the overall story. Padmé has some actual depth and motivation in this book, though this book focuses quite a bit on her breasts (I never thought I would come across "cleavage" in a Star Wars book, much less a description of Anakin nuzzling his face into her breasts, but here we are!).
Anakin is a massive creep in this book. There is just no saving his character. Padmé straight up telling him the way he looks at her makes her comfortable (red flag), Anakin fully admitting to preferring a dictatorship over a messy democracy (pan out to the flower meadow covered in red flags) but then consoling him after he admits to killing an entire village of sand people (an entire planet covered in red flags), its all over the place! You gotta get the parents of Luke and Leia Skywalker together somehow, but man, what an uncomfortable, creepy way to do it.
Padmé comes across as unsympathetic and cruel sometimes (besides the mixed signals she throws his way), with her straight up telling him that he "didn't leave her in the best of circumstances," her being Anakin's mother Shmi (Chapter 12) Which, like, holy hell woman. The kid was 10 when he left for the Jedi Temple and was forced to leave his mother behind because Qui-Gon Jinn wasn't wily enough to free her too. You can't blame him for circumstances beyond his control!
I like that Shmi Skywalker's character and her brief years of happiness is expanded, but damn was this woman was doomed. The Jedi did fuck all to free this one woman (and even Padmé dragged her feet for four years before trying and failing to save her, canonically Beru comes up with the plan to buy and later free Shmi) and put her somewhere safe. Her abduction and torture is just brutal (and the way Anakin finds her, tied up the way she is, leaves me to believe there was more going on besides physical torture).
I was hoping this book would somehow better explain the abruptness of Padmé, Anakin, and R2-D2 (with C3-PO in tow) leaving the Lars household so quickly, but no such luck. There is the funeral scene, the message from Obi-Wan, and off they go!
George Lucas is all about text, not sub-text ("I know writers who use subtext, and they're all cowards" - Garth Marenghi), so I could not help but cackle a bit when late into the book Count Dooku straight up admits to the room full of Separatist leaders: "And let me remind you of our absolute commitment to capitalism... to the lower taxes, the reduced tariffs, and the eventual abolition of all trade barriers. Signing this treaty will bring you profits beyond your wildest imagination. What we are proposing is complete free trade." You know what, I respect it. Lucas points out the bad guys are all for capitalism and the socialist hippie terrorists working in the Rebellion are our good guys.
I want to give praise to possibly the most loving father in all the Star Wars universe, Jango Fett. He requested a clone of his own without any genetic/behavioral modifications, with the pure and wonderful intention of raising this clone as his own child. It is made clear through the text that while Jango Fett is a firm parent, he is also incredibly supportive and nurturing. It was really sweet and touching to read his scenes with his clone-son, which contrasts with Anakin's repressive and stunted upbringing at the Jedi Temple.
Revenge of the Sith
: 5 stars
This book set the standard of how movie novelizations could be done, provided the writer has the talent and the gumption to make something incredible.
This particular book is both horrifying and funny, in turns.
Funniest part is right afterAnakin and Sidious dispatch Mace Windu. Anakin watches Sidious/Palpatine casually use The Force to grab and settle a robe around himself. Anakin is shocked by this - you can use the Force for the most basic of actions? And Palpatine is like, Yeah, my guy, you can totally use The Force for whatever stuff you want, however petty or small.
Second funniest moment happens a chapter later, when Commander Cody bemoans the poor timing of Order 66, since he had just moments before given Obi-Wan Kenobi his lightsaber and seen him off.
Third funniest moment is when Obi-Wan Kenobi pretends to be a drooling, hunchbacked freak carrying Yoda a la a baby (?!) to “sneak” their way into the Jedi Temple. Incredible stuff.
Moving on from the haha funny to the "Holy hell, this is messed up but I can't help but laugh" funny:
Fourth funniest moment is when a Separatist is pleading for her life (on her knees!), babbling about being promised a handsome reward and Darth Vader savagely quips, “I am your reward. You don’t find me handsome?”
Fifth funniest moment – Vader switching back to Anakin, joyously bouncing with a smile over the mess of corpses and severed body parts, knowing Padme may not “approve the way he had redecorated the control center.” Deliciously evil.
The most horrifying sequence is when Vader brutally kills the Separatists on Mustafar. They were war criminals in their own right, especially the Neimoidians, but their deaths are stomach-churning. Well done, Stover.
I like the way Stover depicted the Jedi in this book, who come across as these insular, group-thinking, condescending, ineffective, stuck up their asses morons who rely on magic and The Force instead of common sense, some sense of intuition, maybe a little bit of intelligence?? Did they not once consider the Supreme Chancellor quickly and effectively gaining more and more power by the day could POSSIBLY be the Dark Lord of the Sith?! They kept whining and whinging about the Dark Side clouding the future and it's like -- then try something different? Try investigating??
Yoda jumping down Anakin’s throat – oh you’re angry? You’re scared? You have issues surrounding death? WELL THAT’S THE PATH TO THE DARK SIDE! Conceal, don’t feel you fucking wimp. Now, go back out into the hell that is this intergalactic war and I don’t want to hear you bitching and moaning about your PTSD anymore, young man. Yoda is this rigid, unyielding, tiny little thing that has an absolute chokehold on Jedi traditions and power. He dies telling Luke Skywalker to kill his own dad!! Bitter little green crusted booger to the end.
Anakin is a hot mess express and it’s GREAT. The guy definitely has mental issues; the Cinema Therapy channel guys “diagnosed” (as much as you can diagnose a fictional character) him with traits consistent with Borderline Personality Disorder, which were exacerbated by being raised in this cold, emotionally distant cult (that refused to help his slave mother) and then thrust into a war at a very young age, dealing with a major traumatic physical injury. Couple all that with a secret marriage and impending fatherhood, then add an overwhelming dose of grooming, manipulation, gaslighting, and implanted dreams from Palpatine – the man was overwhelmed and any attempt he made to reach out for help (wanting to go with Obi-Wan to Utapau, asking to lead the battle on Kashyyyk, considering giving it all up and leaving the Jedi Order) was swatted away from the people who cared about him, with all his worst instincts nurtured by Sidious/Palpatine.
His focus on preventing Padmé’s death while actively neglecting her and her needs (accidentally, blindly following the pattern laid out by his fellow Jedi) is so sad and tragic. It is incredibly messed up that the last time Padmé ever laid eyes on her husband was him reaching out to choke and kill her. Not enough people talk about Anakin committing domestic violence on the love of his life, the mother of his children. Maybe he brought balance to the Force and all that – but I don’t believe in rehabilitating abusers.
Obi-Wan Kenobi leaving Vader to die on the black beach from hell is fucking cold and metal as hell – he wasn’t feeling merciful. Okay, that and he did not have much time left to help Padmé, another Sith Lord was approaching, and you know what – The Force can decide what to do with this burning hunk of meat formerly known as Kenobi’s apprentice. Master of Trolling till the very end.