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Don't Feed the Monkey Mind: How to Stop the Cycle of Anxiety, Fear, and Worry
Do you ever feel as if your mind has a mind of its own? It does. When your brain is leaping from one branch of anxious thought to another, chattering like a monkey in a tree, you're hijacked by the monkey mind. And the more you feed it, the more reactive it gets, robbing you of the peace you crave. In Don't Feed the Monkey Mind, psychotherapist Jennifer Shannon reveals the hidden behaviors that reward our brain's built-in bias for safety. She shows us how the subtle ways we avoid what makes us anxious actually maintain our anxious mind-set, and trap us in a perpetual cycle of stress and worry. Using proven-effective cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and mindfulness techniques, she'll show you how to change your behavior in small, manageable steps. You'll create new experiences that build your resilience to anxiety and train your autonomic nervous system away from fight-or-flight and toward rest-and-digest, even in situations that make you anxious. As your resilience to anxiety grows, so will your ability to relax, and your confidence that you can cope with whatever the future holds. Only when you stop feeding the monkey can you find the peace of mind and body you so deserve!
170 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 1, 2017
662 people are currently reading
4754 people want to read
About the author
Jennifer Shannon
20 books62 followersMy journey writing this book began as a 5 year-old, sitting next to my mother while she studied for her psychology classes. I wanted so much to be a psychologist and help others. But I needed plenty of help myself. I was an anxious child, prone to stomach aches, missing school, and nightmares of a man who lived under the house. When my father died I worried obsessively that my mother could die too.
It wasn’t until years later—after a seeing a succession of therapists, completing counseling grad school, and giving birth to my first child—that I discovered a clue to my persistent anxiety and worry. It was a new therapy at the time, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. CBT changed my life. I learned that my resistance to anxiety was what was maintaining it. When I practiced accepting and welcoming it, anxiety began to lose its power over me.
For the past 25 years I have made the treatment of anxiety the central focus of my practice. I treat Social Anxiety (extreme shyness), Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Separation Anxiety, Panic Disorder, Phobias, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. The powerful tools I’ve used to help my clients are the same tools I’ve used to help myself, and they can help you too.
Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind is a distillation of what I’ve learned from CBT and mindfulness practices. The book will help you recognize that your anxiety is not a monster to be avoided and resisted. It is only a wild, frightened little monkey that, with acceptance and welcoming, can be tamed.
Married for 31 years and a mother of three, I am a Certified Diplomat of The Academy of Cognitive Therapy and a member of the Anxiety and Depression Disorders Association of America, the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies, the International OCD Foundation and the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. I am the co-founder of the Santa Rosa Center for Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and the author of The Anxiety Survival Guide for Teens and The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook for Teens.
It wasn’t until years later—after a seeing a succession of therapists, completing counseling grad school, and giving birth to my first child—that I discovered a clue to my persistent anxiety and worry. It was a new therapy at the time, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. CBT changed my life. I learned that my resistance to anxiety was what was maintaining it. When I practiced accepting and welcoming it, anxiety began to lose its power over me.
For the past 25 years I have made the treatment of anxiety the central focus of my practice. I treat Social Anxiety (extreme shyness), Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Separation Anxiety, Panic Disorder, Phobias, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. The powerful tools I’ve used to help my clients are the same tools I’ve used to help myself, and they can help you too.
Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind is a distillation of what I’ve learned from CBT and mindfulness practices. The book will help you recognize that your anxiety is not a monster to be avoided and resisted. It is only a wild, frightened little monkey that, with acceptance and welcoming, can be tamed.
Married for 31 years and a mother of three, I am a Certified Diplomat of The Academy of Cognitive Therapy and a member of the Anxiety and Depression Disorders Association of America, the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies, the International OCD Foundation and the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. I am the co-founder of the Santa Rosa Center for Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy and the author of The Anxiety Survival Guide for Teens and The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook for Teens.
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March 18, 2017
When I seen the title Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind: How to stop the Cycle of Anxiety, Fear, and Worry I knew this book was for me and it sure was. I have been known to call my anxiety Monkey Chatter and was able to relate well to to the anxiety, fears and worry describe in this book.
Jennifer Shannon has taken evidence based cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and acceptance commitment theory (ACT), given it an easy to understand, fun unique spin using the analogy Monkey Mind and feeding the monkey(which I call monkey chatter). She gives, examples, and powerful strategies to use to stop feeding the thoughts and overcome anxiety that I think are very helpful and useful.
I highly recommend this interesting, useful, concise and enjoyable guide for anxiety, fears and worry.
Thank you Netgalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read this book.
Jennifer Shannon has taken evidence based cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and acceptance commitment theory (ACT), given it an easy to understand, fun unique spin using the analogy Monkey Mind and feeding the monkey(which I call monkey chatter). She gives, examples, and powerful strategies to use to stop feeding the thoughts and overcome anxiety that I think are very helpful and useful.
I highly recommend this interesting, useful, concise and enjoyable guide for anxiety, fears and worry.
Thank you Netgalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read this book.
September 25, 2024
1. إن قلقنا هو نداء للقيام بفعل يحفزه إدراك عقل القرد للتهديد.
2. عندما يستولي علينا القلق، نتبنى عقلية القرد التي تفترض أنه لكي نكون في أمان يجب أن نكون موقنين بكل النتائج، ويجب أن تكون مثاليين، ويجب أن نكون مسؤولين عن مشاعر وتصرفات الآخرين.
.3 عندما نستجيب للقلق بالتجنب أو المقاومة، نحن نؤكد على إدراك التهديد ونغذي القرد - مما يحافظ على دورة القلق وعلى عقلية القرد لدينا.
4. نحن نغذي القرد باستمرار خلال النهار بأداء استراتيجيات أمان (مثل الإلهاء بالانشغال بأشياء بعيدة عن مصدر القلق مثل التلفاز، ممارسة الهوايات. محاولات الاسترخاء).
أفعال تبقينا بأمان مؤقت من تهديدات القرد المدركة ومن إنذارات توسعية.
5. لكي ندعم منهجية عقلية تسمح لنا بالازدهار والنمو، يجب أن نخلق تجربة ومعرفة جديدة، وذلك باستبدال استراتيجيات الأمان باستراتيجيات توسعية.
6. لكي تتمكن المشاعر المزعجة والأحاسيس المرتبطة بالقلق من أن تجري في مسارها ليس من الضروري أن نشعر بها فحسب، بل ينصح بالترحيب بها.
7. إن القلق عادة هو ثرثرة قرد، وستتلاشى هذه الثرثرة إذا رحبت بها واحتملتها، بدل مقاومتها أو اتخاذ موقف على أساسها.
8 عندما نستبدل قيمة الأمان الخاصة بالقرد بقيمنا الشخصية، ونخطط للمواقف لنتمرن فيها على الالتزام بهذه القيم، نتوسع في حياتنا.
9. بينما يمكننا أن نمارس استراتيجيات التوسع في كل موقف تتعرض له تقريبا، سننجح أكثر في المواقف ذات المخاطرة المنخفضة، الأقل تهديدًا
القرد.
10. حدد وامدح كل وجه من وجوه نشاطك عندما تبلي حسنًا.
11. لا أحد يستطيع أن يتنبأ إلى أين سيقودك نشاطك التوسعي أو بماذا سيكافئك، ولكن ما دمت تستمر في نشاطك فليس هناك حدود لما هو ممكن فعله.
2. عندما يستولي علينا القلق، نتبنى عقلية القرد التي تفترض أنه لكي نكون في أمان يجب أن نكون موقنين بكل النتائج، ويجب أن تكون مثاليين، ويجب أن نكون مسؤولين عن مشاعر وتصرفات الآخرين.
.3 عندما نستجيب للقلق بالتجنب أو المقاومة، نحن نؤكد على إدراك التهديد ونغذي القرد - مما يحافظ على دورة القلق وعلى عقلية القرد لدينا.
4. نحن نغذي القرد باستمرار خلال النهار بأداء استراتيجيات أمان (مثل الإلهاء بالانشغال بأشياء بعيدة عن مصدر القلق مثل التلفاز، ممارسة الهوايات. محاولات الاسترخاء).
أفعال تبقينا بأمان مؤقت من تهديدات القرد المدركة ومن إنذارات توسعية.
5. لكي ندعم منهجية عقلية تسمح لنا بالازدهار والنمو، يجب أن نخلق تجربة ومعرفة جديدة، وذلك باستبدال استراتيجيات الأمان باستراتيجيات توسعية.
6. لكي تتمكن المشاعر المزعجة والأحاسيس المرتبطة بالقلق من أن تجري في مسارها ليس من الضروري أن نشعر بها فحسب، بل ينصح بالترحيب بها.
7. إن القلق عادة هو ثرثرة قرد، وستتلاشى هذه الثرثرة إذا رحبت بها واحتملتها، بدل مقاومتها أو اتخاذ موقف على أساسها.
8 عندما نستبدل قيمة الأمان الخاصة بالقرد بقيمنا الشخصية، ونخطط للمواقف لنتمرن فيها على الالتزام بهذه القيم، نتوسع في حياتنا.
9. بينما يمكننا أن نمارس استراتيجيات التوسع في كل موقف تتعرض له تقريبا، سننجح أكثر في المواقف ذات المخاطرة المنخفضة، الأقل تهديدًا
القرد.
10. حدد وامدح كل وجه من وجوه نشاطك عندما تبلي حسنًا.
11. لا أحد يستطيع أن يتنبأ إلى أين سيقودك نشاطك التوسعي أو بماذا سيكافئك، ولكن ما دمت تستمر في نشاطك فليس هناك حدود لما هو ممكن فعله.
August 28, 2023
ผมรู้สึกว่าเนื้อหาในเล่มเพียงพอจะเป็นบทความนะ เเต่ไม่ถึงขนาดเป็นหนังสือ ไม่ใช่ว่ามันไม่ดี เเต่หากตัดน้ำๆออกไปเน้นที่ความกระชับของเนื้อหา มันจะอยู่ในขนาดพอดีที่จะเป็นบทความเลย
หนังสือเล่าถึงการจัดการความวิตกกังวลที่เกิดขึ้นในหัวของเรา พวกความคิดวนเวียน ย้ำคิดคิดย้ำอยู่อย่างนั้นไม่ไปไหน มันเกิดจากอะไรเเล้วเราจะหลุดจากวงจรนี้ได้อยางไรบ้าง
ผมเห็นด้วยมากๆ ว่าทุกอย่างเกิดขึ้นจากความคิดเริ่มต้น 3 ประการตามที่หนังสือบอกมา คือ ความคิดว่าทุกอย่างจะต้องเเน่นอนจัด ชัดเจนจัดการได้ ความคิดว่าสิ่งที่เราทำต้องสมบูรณ์เเบบ และสุดท้ายคือ ความคิดที่ว่าเราต้องมีความรับผิดชอบต่อผู้อื่น พอเรามีความคิดตั้งต้นจาก 3 อย่างนี้เเล้ว เมื่อเกิดเหตุการณ์ที่ทำให้ความคิดพวกนี้สั่นไหว ความวิตกกังวลก็จะตามมา
ความวิตกกังวล เกิดขึ้นจากการที่เราไม่อาจจัดการความคิดพวกนี้ได้ จนมันกลายเป็นลิงที่กระโดร้องเจี๊ยกๆอยู่ในหัวเราไม่ไปไหน เเล้วเราก็ดันหาทางออกด้วยการคิดหรือการกระทำที่จะหลีกหนีจากลิงไปได้เพียงชั่วคราว ซึ่งไม่ใช่การเเก้ปัญหา เป็นเเต่เพียงการยื้อเวลาที่เปรียบเสมือนการให้อาหารลิงตัวนี้ในสมองของเรา ให้มันร้องดังขึ้น กระโดดมากขึ้นกว่าเดิม เช่น หากเราเป็นพวกนึกถึงเเต่ความสมบูรณ์เเบบ เราก็จะมัวคิดเเต่ทางออกเเย่ๆที่อาจจะเกิดขึ้น เเล้วก็มัวเเต่คิดไม่ทำอะไรซักที เพราะกลัวว่ามันจะไม่ใช่ทางออกที่ดีที่สุด เเล้วก็คิดวนๆๆไปเเบบนี้จนสุดท้ายเราก็เเทบไม่ได้ทำอะไรเลย
ซึ่งการจัดการความวิตกกังวลที่หนังสือเล่มนี้เเนะนำ หากสรุปเเบบสั้นๆๆๆๆๆๆๆๆเลย คือ ยอมรับมันซะ คิดอย่างเปิดกว้างเผื่อช่องว่างให้กับสิ่งที่เราไม่อาจจัดการได้ และยอมรับกับตัวเราเองว่าเราไม่อาจจัดการหรือควบคุมอะไรได้ทั้งหมดหรอก เป็นไปไม่ได้ เงยหน้าซะ เเล้วลงมือทำ
ฟังดูเเล้วก็อาจจะเป็นอะไรที่เคยผ่านหูผ่านตามาเเล้ว เเต่การเรียบเรียง การเล่าเรื่องพร้อมยกตัวอย่างที่เป็นรูปธรรม ที่หนังสือแสดงให้เราเห็น ก็ทำให้เข้าใจ เห็นภาพมันมากขึ้น ซึ่งพวกนี้เ็นอะไรที่ต้องฝึกฝนทั้งชีวิต ไม่ใช่อะไรที่รู้เเล้วจบแก้ปัญหาได้เลย มันเลยเป็นหนังสือที่เมื่อถึงเวลาที่รู้สึกว่า ชั้นประสาทเเดกอีกเเล้ว ก็หยิบมาอ่านอีกครั้งเพื่อจัดการลิงในสมอง ยึดอาหารเจ้าลิงตัวนี้ เเละเดินหน้าใช้ชีวิตของเราต่อไปพร้อมกับเจ้าลิงตัวนี้ที่เราควบคุมมันได้ ไม่ใช่มันควบคุมเราแทน
หนังสือเล่าถึงการจัดการความวิตกกังวลที่เกิดขึ้นในหัวของเรา พวกความคิดวนเวียน ย้ำคิดคิดย้ำอยู่อย่างนั้นไม่ไปไหน มันเกิดจากอะไรเเล้วเราจะหลุดจากวงจรนี้ได้อยางไรบ้าง
ผมเห็นด้วยมากๆ ว่าทุกอย่างเกิดขึ้นจากความคิดเริ่มต้น 3 ประการตามที่หนังสือบอกมา คือ ความคิดว่าทุกอย่างจะต้องเเน่นอนจัด ชัดเจนจัดการได้ ความคิดว่าสิ่งที่เราทำต้องสมบูรณ์เเบบ และสุดท้ายคือ ความคิดที่ว่าเราต้องมีความรับผิดชอบต่อผู้อื่น พอเรามีความคิดตั้งต้นจาก 3 อย่างนี้เเล้ว เมื่อเกิดเหตุการณ์ที่ทำให้ความคิดพวกนี้สั่นไหว ความวิตกกังวลก็จะตามมา
ความวิตกกังวล เกิดขึ้นจากการที่เราไม่อาจจัดการความคิดพวกนี้ได้ จนมันกลายเป็นลิงที่กระโดร้องเจี๊ยกๆอยู่ในหัวเราไม่ไปไหน เเล้วเราก็ดันหาทางออกด้วยการคิดหรือการกระทำที่จะหลีกหนีจากลิงไปได้เพียงชั่วคราว ซึ่งไม่ใช่การเเก้ปัญหา เป็นเเต่เพียงการยื้อเวลาที่เปรียบเสมือนการให้อาหารลิงตัวนี้ในสมองของเรา ให้มันร้องดังขึ้น กระโดดมากขึ้นกว่าเดิม เช่น หากเราเป็นพวกนึกถึงเเต่ความสมบูรณ์เเบบ เราก็จะมัวคิดเเต่ทางออกเเย่ๆที่อาจจะเกิดขึ้น เเล้วก็มัวเเต่คิดไม่ทำอะไรซักที เพราะกลัวว่ามันจะไม่ใช่ทางออกที่ดีที่สุด เเล้วก็คิดวนๆๆไปเเบบนี้จนสุดท้ายเราก็เเทบไม่ได้ทำอะไรเลย
ซึ่งการจัดการความวิตกกังวลที่หนังสือเล่มนี้เเนะนำ หากสรุปเเบบสั้นๆๆๆๆๆๆๆๆเลย คือ ยอมรับมันซะ คิดอย่างเปิดกว้างเผื่อช่องว่างให้กับสิ่งที่เราไม่อาจจัดการได้ และยอมรับกับตัวเราเองว่าเราไม่อาจจัดการหรือควบคุมอะไรได้ทั้งหมดหรอก เป็นไปไม่ได้ เงยหน้าซะ เเล้วลงมือทำ
ฟังดูเเล้วก็อาจจะเป็นอะไรที่เคยผ่านหูผ่านตามาเเล้ว เเต่การเรียบเรียง การเล่าเรื่องพร้อมยกตัวอย่างที่เป็นรูปธรรม ที่หนังสือแสดงให้เราเห็น ก็ทำให้เข้าใจ เห็นภาพมันมากขึ้น ซึ่งพวกนี้เ็นอะไรที่ต้องฝึกฝนทั้งชีวิต ไม่ใช่อะไรที่รู้เเล้วจบแก้ปัญหาได้เลย มันเลยเป็นหนังสือที่เมื่อถึงเวลาที่รู้สึกว่า ชั้นประสาทเเดกอีกเเล้ว ก็หยิบมาอ่านอีกครั้งเพื่อจัดการลิงในสมอง ยึดอาหารเจ้าลิงตัวนี้ เเละเดินหน้าใช้ชีวิตของเราต่อไปพร้อมกับเจ้าลิงตัวนี้ที่เราควบคุมมันได้ ไม่ใช่มันควบคุมเราแทน
April 30, 2017
I liked the idea of a "monkey mind", and definitely have all 3 main characteristics discussed in the book. I enjoyed the "problem presentation" part of the book very much.
But I feel that the "solutions & suggestions" part is not very satisfying. I don't feel better equipped to tackle my monkey mind after reading the book. hence the 3 stars rating.
But I feel that the "solutions & suggestions" part is not very satisfying. I don't feel better equipped to tackle my monkey mind after reading the book. hence the 3 stars rating.
April 23, 2017
Well, if this wasn't the most powerful book on anxiety I've ever read, then I don't read very much.
Unlike most books about managing anxiety, this is isn't about trying to control anxiety, or 10 steps to manage to calm yourself. This book reveals that there's actually a squawking monkey that's screaming that your mole is probably cancer, not your true self. Since this book deals with not feeding that monkey bananas (your hijacked mindset), not trying to stop panic attacks, I think it's extremely effective.
ALSO. Her idea for taking 10-20 minutes a day for "Worry Time" is freakin' BRILLIANT. My husband I are totally doing this. Instead of having worry steal all your joy for days and weeks on end, dedicate a time of the day before you're going to do something fun to worry your ass off. Reverse psychology, maybe--but it makes 100% sense.
This librarian doesn't buy many books, but I did buy this one. If anxiety is an issue for you, read this. You won't regret not feeding your monkey.
Unlike most books about managing anxiety, this is isn't about trying to control anxiety, or 10 steps to manage to calm yourself. This book reveals that there's actually a squawking monkey that's screaming that your mole is probably cancer, not your true self. Since this book deals with not feeding that monkey bananas (your hijacked mindset), not trying to stop panic attacks, I think it's extremely effective.
ALSO. Her idea for taking 10-20 minutes a day for "Worry Time" is freakin' BRILLIANT. My husband I are totally doing this. Instead of having worry steal all your joy for days and weeks on end, dedicate a time of the day before you're going to do something fun to worry your ass off. Reverse psychology, maybe--but it makes 100% sense.
This librarian doesn't buy many books, but I did buy this one. If anxiety is an issue for you, read this. You won't regret not feeding your monkey.
September 27, 2019
Straightforward and clearly written, the author provides some achievable steps to begin dealing with anxiety. It’s a good starting place.
September 21, 2023
ไม่มีการตัดสินใจที่ดีที่สุด มีแต่การตัดสินใจที่ดีที่สุดเท่าที่ตอนนี้เอื้ออำนวย จริงๆ พอคิดเรื่องนี้ซ้ำๆ เราจะตัดสินใจง่ายขึ้น ลงมือทำสิ่งต่างๆ มากขึ้น เพราะในโลกนี้ไม่มีคำว่าดีที่สุด ซึ่งหนังสือเล่มนี้สำหรับเราแล้วเลยไม่ได้ใหม่อะไร และไม่ได้ช่วยเรื่องความวิตกกังวล ความกังวลหรือความกลัวต่างๆ สักเท่าไร โดยชีวิตในวัยนี้เวลามีเรื่องกังวล เครียดและกลัวนิดๆ ส่วนตัวแล้วนับว่าดีมาก เพราะมันทำให้เราระมัดระวังตัว และรอบคอบแบบ "กำลังดี" ในฐานะที่ตนเองเป็นคนในร้อนและพุ่งๆ จะทำนู่นนี่ตลอดเวลาแบบไม่ค่อยกังวลผลลัพธ์เท่าไร เพราะชีวิตก่อนหน้านั้น "กลัว" มาโดยตลอด ดังนั้นหากพูดในมุมมองส่วนตัวแล้ว เล่มนี้จึงมาผิดเวลา แต่ก็เป็นเล่มที่น่าจะมีติดบ้านไว้เวลา "ประสาทแดก" (กังวลห่าอะไรไม่รู้) ขึ้นมาก็จะได้หยิบเล่มนี้มาใช้ได้อย่างทันท่วงที
don't feed the monkey mind เป็นหนังสือที่ว่าด้วย "วิธี" การหยุดความประสาทแดกของตัวเอง โดยไม่สนใจว่า "ราก" ของความประสาทแดกมีที่มาอย่างไร พ่อไม่รัก แม่ไม่เลี้ยง ขาดความอบอุ่นโอเค นั้นเป็นปัญหา (ใหญ่อีกแบบ) ที่ส่งผลกระทบต่อความประสาทแดก แต่บางคนแก้รากไม่หาย (มีจริง มิตรสหายก็บอกว่าเคยขุดรากปัญหาบางอย่างขึ้นมา เช่น ปัญหาครอบครัว เพื่อลดความประสาทแดกแบบที่ในหนังสือยกตัวอย่างมา นิสัยที่สร้างปัญหาต่อชีวิตประจำวันที่อยากให้หายก็ไม่หาย) มันก็มาแก้ด้วยวิธีแบบนี้กันดื้อๆ ซึ่งบางเคสมันก็เหมาะสมกว่า ไม่ต้องสนว่ามันมาที่มายังไง แต่ทำไมมันยังอยู่แล้วจะแก้ยังไงก็สำคัญพอๆ กัน หนังสือเล่มนี้มีคำตอบและการยกตัวอย่างที่ดีมากๆ คือละเอียดยิบ ถ้าไม่มีการยกตัวอย่างอันหลากหลายและละเอียดขนาดนี้ หนังสือสั้นกว่านี้ได้สัก 50% (ก็จะบางจนกลายเป็น paper ของ hbr ได้เลย นั่นแหละ เขาเลยต้องมีตัวอย่างน่ะ)
ประเด็นในหนังสือที่ชอบมากคือการบอกว่า "ประสาทแดก" (เขาไม่ได้ใช้คำนี้หรอก แหม) ไม่มีวันหาย มันจะกลับมา! 555 คือ จริงๆ มันเป็นเรื่องปกตินะ ทุกคนต้องมีความกังวล ความกลัว ความวิตก แต่อารมณ์พวกนี้ต้องอยู่ในระดับที่พอดี พอที่จะทำให้เราดำเนินชีวิตประจำวันต่อไปได้โดยไม่รบกวนเป้าหมายที่เราอยากจะไปถึง ซึ่งบางทีอารมณ์พวกนี้มันเยอะเกินจนทำให้เราไม่ได้ทำในสิ่งที่อยากทำจริงๆ หรือบางทีก็ผัดวันประกันพรุ่งแบบไม่รู้ตัวก็มี มันจะมีบทหนึ่งที่พูดประมาณว่าเราใช้ลิงนี้อยู่แหละ แต่เราแค่ไม่รู้ว่าตัวเราใช้ ดังนั้นเราว่าสิ่งที่สำคัญสำหรับการหยุดอาการประสาทแดกคือ "สติ" แต่คำนี้พูดง่ายทำยาก มันเลยมีหนังสือเล่มนี้ขึ้นมาไง
don't feed the monkey mind เป็นหนังสือที่ว่าด้วย "วิธี" การหยุดความประสาทแดกของตัวเอง โดยไม่สนใจว่า "ราก" ของความประสาทแดกมีที่มาอย่างไร พ่อไม่รัก แม่ไม่เลี้ยง ขาดความอบอุ่นโอเค นั้นเป็นปัญหา (ใหญ่อีกแบบ) ที่ส่งผลกระทบต่อความประสาทแดก แต่บางคนแก้รากไม่หาย (มีจริง มิตรสหายก็บอกว่าเคยขุดรากปัญหาบางอย่างขึ้นมา เช่น ปัญหาครอบครัว เพื่อลดความประสาทแดกแบบที่ในหนังสือยกตัวอย่างมา นิสัยที่สร้างปัญหาต่อชีวิตประจำวันที่อยากให้หายก็ไม่หาย) มันก็มาแก้ด้วยวิธีแบบนี้กันดื้อๆ ซึ่งบางเคสมันก็เหมาะสมกว่า ไม่ต้องสนว่ามันมาที่มายังไง แต่ทำไมมันยังอยู่แล้วจะแก้ยังไงก็สำคัญพอๆ กัน หนังสือเล่มนี้มีคำตอบและการยกตัวอย่างที่ดีมากๆ คือละเอียดยิบ ถ้าไม่มีการยกตัวอย่างอันหลากหลายและละเอียดขนาดนี้ หนังสือสั้นกว่านี้ได้สัก 50% (ก็จะบางจนกลายเป็น paper ของ hbr ได้เลย นั่นแหละ เขาเลยต้องมีตัวอย่างน่ะ)
ประเด็นในหนังสือที่ชอบมากคือการบอกว่า "ประสาทแดก" (เขาไม่ได้ใช้คำนี้หรอก แหม) ไม่มีวันหาย มันจะกลับมา! 555 คือ จริงๆ มันเป็นเรื่องปกตินะ ทุกคนต้องมีความกังวล ความกลัว ความวิตก แต่อารมณ์พวกนี้ต้องอยู่ในระดับที่พอดี พอที่จะทำให้เราดำเนินชีวิตประจำวันต่อไปได้โดยไม่รบกวนเป้าหมายที่เราอยากจะไปถึง ซึ่งบางทีอารมณ์พวกนี้มันเยอะเกินจนทำให้เราไม่ได้ทำในสิ่งที่อยากทำจริงๆ หรือบางทีก็ผัดวันประกันพรุ่งแบบไม่รู้ตัวก็มี มันจะมีบทหนึ่งที่พูดประมาณว่าเราใช้ลิงนี้อยู่แหละ แต่เราแค่ไม่รู้ว่าตัวเราใช้ ดังนั้นเราว่าสิ่งที่สำคัญสำหรับการหยุดอาการประสาทแดกคือ "สติ" แต่คำนี้พูดง่ายทำยาก มันเลยมีหนังสือเล่มนี้ขึ้นมาไง
February 10, 2023
كتاب حلو جدااا وممتع وواقعى مش أى كلام خزعبلات
وأفضل بكتير من كتاب "دع القلق وأبدأ الحياة" لديل كارنيجى
وأفضل بكتير من كتاب "دع القلق وأبدأ الحياة" لديل كارنيجى
September 27, 2024
*** ممل جداً جداً .. boring
* حقيقي مش قادر أحكم علي الكتاب ده ولا أقيم اللي فيه بشكل فيه شيء من الموضوعية لأنه كان ممل جداً بالنسبة لي .. و حقيقي عملت مجهود رهيب علشان أقدر أخلصه.
* مش هقدر أنكر إن الكتاب ممكن يكون قدم بعض الأفكار اللطيفة بس الكتاب كان مليان تكرار بشكل مش طبيعي .. حقيقي زهقت من اللي بيتقال من كتر ما اتكرر .. و أعتقد إن لو الكتاب كان مختصر عن كده كان هيبقي مفيد أكتر بالنسبة لي .. و فكرة إن الكتاب يسيب لي مساحة من التفكير و الشك في اللي بيقولوا كانت هتبقي أظرف بكتير - و هتخليني أفكر في الكلام بتاع الكاتب أكتر بكتير - من التكرار اللي حصل علي مدار الكتاب.
* حقيقي الوضع كان ممل لدرجة إني كل ما أقعد أقرأ شوية أحس بالنعاس الشديد .. و لو قررت إني أنام بأفاجئ بإني مش نعسان أصلاً و إن ده مجرد نعاس بسبب ملل الكتاب. الكتاب مش وسئ و قد يكون مفيد لناس كتير بس بالنسبة لي دي تجربة لا أتمناها لألد أعدائي.
March 24, 2025
يتعامل الكتاب مع موضوع القلق المرضي، ويبدأ بشرح علمي مبسط لكيفية تعامل العقل البشري مع القلق أو المجهول بصفة عامة، فالقلق أو التخوف من الدخول في تجربة جديدة أو الخروج من "الكمفورت زون" شيئ طبيعي، ولكن أيضا الطبيعي أن يكون بقدرة الإنسان التغلب عليه والدخول في تجارب جديدة تضيف لشخصه ولحياته اضافة ايجابية أو خبرات حياتية تهيؤه للتعامل مع مواقف شبيهة بصورة أفضل في المستقبل.
لكن الكتاب هنا يتكلم عن القلق عندما يصبح مهيمنا على شعور وتصرفات الإنسان، عندما يكون القلق عثرة في الطريق تعوق أي خطوة للأمام، فيصبح الشخص أسيرا لقلقه ويحاول قدر المستطاع تفادي ما يقلقه، ولكن الخطورة كما يوضح الكتاب تكون في ردة الفعل هذه، فبتفادي القلق انما فقط تنميه وتغذيه وتقويه.
الكتاب يصلح للقراءة كوسيلة لفهم موضوع القلق، ولكنه أصلح كمرشد عملي بتمرينات وخطوات تساعد من يرى أن قلقه يؤثر سلبا على حياته ويريد التعافي.
محمد متولي
لكن الكتاب هنا يتكلم عن القلق عندما يصبح مهيمنا على شعور وتصرفات الإنسان، عندما يكون القلق عثرة في الطريق تعوق أي خطوة للأمام، فيصبح الشخص أسيرا لقلقه ويحاول قدر المستطاع تفادي ما يقلقه، ولكن الخطورة كما يوضح الكتاب تكون في ردة الفعل هذه، فبتفادي القلق انما فقط تنميه وتغذيه وتقويه.
الكتاب يصلح للقراءة كوسيلة لفهم موضوع القلق، ولكنه أصلح كمرشد عملي بتمرينات وخطوات تساعد من يرى أن قلقه يؤثر سلبا على حياته ويريد التعافي.
محمد متولي
September 26, 2017
Is it me or are we all getting more anxious these days? Or is it part and parcel of growing old, having jobs and families? And aren't we lucky, ladies, that we are so much more prone to anxiety and depression? I wonder if it's because of all the S*&t we have to do, remember, care about or if we are just built differently? Anyway ... back to the book.
This book was very accessible. The fact that Shannon herself grapples with the "monkey mind", only made this book more authentic. This book offers practical solutions and approaches, that, as with everything else, might work better for some than others.
It's worth spending a couple of hours reading it - especially if your "monkey mind" is at play.
This book was very accessible. The fact that Shannon herself grapples with the "monkey mind", only made this book more authentic. This book offers practical solutions and approaches, that, as with everything else, might work better for some than others.
It's worth spending a couple of hours reading it - especially if your "monkey mind" is at play.
August 19, 2022
بعض الكتب تُقرأ بتمهل وهذا ما حدث مع هذا الكتاب الجديد المميز وقرأته على تطبيق أبجد كان أفضل قرار لشهر أغسطس 2022
October 7, 2022
الكتاب يتحدث عن عقل القرد وكيف يقدر يأثر على حياتك وكيف تقدر تتخلص منه ،، بنسبه لي الكتاب مره حلو وعلمني ان كيف اقدر اتخلص من القلق ،، علمني كيف ما أُغذي عقل القرد 👍🏻
September 16, 2019
I just can't with self-help books... I tried, but I can't. Even though I am not an expert in anything and can always learn something, I resent the tone of these books, which I always take as condescending, no matter how hard I try to give the author the benefit of the doubt that it's not.
Anyway... this book is about forcing yourself to stop feeding into your self-perpetuating cycle of anxiety. I can attest to the fact that the worst things that have happened to me are things it never occurred to me to worry about, so there is really no point in worrying.
I know all about neuroplasticity, and this book is really about that. How to re-route those well-worn, negative-thought pathways in your brain. I can very much feel mine there, and they are quite hardened into cement by now. I have some limited success in re-routing them on some occasions, because I'm so aware of them. I find this fascinating... that I know they are there, know how to work on re-routing them, and yet have such limited success in doing so.
That "fight-or-flight" response we humans all have was so useful in our evolution, and such a hindrance now, in our first-world existence. It's there, it's real, and it forces you to worry about the most incredibly benign, stupid shit, if you are privileged enough to have nothing significant to worry about.
Anyway... this book is about forcing yourself to stop feeding into your self-perpetuating cycle of anxiety. I can attest to the fact that the worst things that have happened to me are things it never occurred to me to worry about, so there is really no point in worrying.
I know all about neuroplasticity, and this book is really about that. How to re-route those well-worn, negative-thought pathways in your brain. I can very much feel mine there, and they are quite hardened into cement by now. I have some limited success in re-routing them on some occasions, because I'm so aware of them. I find this fascinating... that I know they are there, know how to work on re-routing them, and yet have such limited success in doing so.
That "fight-or-flight" response we humans all have was so useful in our evolution, and such a hindrance now, in our first-world existence. It's there, it's real, and it forces you to worry about the most incredibly benign, stupid shit, if you are privileged enough to have nothing significant to worry about.
July 29, 2024
An anxiety guidebook that even children could understand. A book rooted in science but written with the intention to be easy to digest and apply, chock full of case studies and illustrations.
I've been exposed to some of the science i.e prefrontal cortex (elephant) and limbic brain (monkey) from other sources, this book does a good job of making all that available at an abstracted metaphor level.
I will try more of the techniques, and practice more and will revisit the rating then!
But from what little I've already applied, I think it's a brilliant book and the strategies make sense to me.
I've been exposed to some of the science i.e prefrontal cortex (elephant) and limbic brain (monkey) from other sources, this book does a good job of making all that available at an abstracted metaphor level.
I will try more of the techniques, and practice more and will revisit the rating then!
But from what little I've already applied, I think it's a brilliant book and the strategies make sense to me.
June 18, 2024
Several practices have promised the relief from anxiety throughout human history, starting from the practice of stoicism, following the teachings of Seneca until the practice of breathing exercises, following combined modern philosophies. Which could be challenging to commit to or difficult to maintain its effect for the long-term, and this is where this book comes in handy.
Using an analogy of a hysterical monkey residing in your mind and sounding the alarm of rapid thoughts and anxiety whenever a situation is slightly uncomfortable, this book provides a practical process to manage this monkey mind and calm it down with a long-term effect.
Surprisingly, the author states that any act of resistance is a form of “feeding” to this monkey. Like a child yelling, crying and whining for candy in the supermarket, giving up to his desires and actually buying him candy is not the solution, as it teaches the child that this is a successful method to receive his desires. Similarly, taking an action that would make you feel temporarily “safe” and shut this screaming monkey up is not a solution, as it teaches the monkey that sounding the alarm, screaming and flaring your nervous system is a successful method to attract your attention to a situation that might not even be a major cause of worry!
The book suggests that instead of following safety strategies, like avoiding handling a difficult task at work to avoid failing and looking like an imposter, you should employ an expansive strategy, like asking for help, restricting a time to work on this task with no constant evaluation of the quality of outcomes and allowing for imperfection to occur.
The monkey mind-set is based on three assumptions, that you have to always be 100% certain, that you cannot make mistakes and that you’re responsible for everyone’s happiness and safety, and it will cause a mental tornado of thoughts leading to anxiety whenever these assumptions aren’t true, although these are impossible to meet. The author, Jennifer Shannon, lists several strategies to confront this monkey mind-set early on and follows it by suggested expansive strategies inspired from the expansive mind-set and not strategies imposed on you by the monkey mind-set to have a quick and temporary relief.
These strategies include welcoming the worry and accompanied negative feelings associated with anxiety, and even asking for more and thanking the monkey for its service, then reacting based on the expansive mind-set which is the willingness to be uncertain, the acceptance of making mistakes and ability to be responsible for yourself only, and finally, praising yourself on whichever outcome you reach, as long as you haven’t given the monkey what it wants.
By adopting this mind-set, you break the cycle and create a room for growth and pleasure, you live a life ruled by the values you uphold like self-expression, creativity and growth and not ruled by fear or just “safety”.
I have always wondered about the feasibility of creating a guideline for living a generally good life and I think this is a close example to what I imagine, I think adopting this mind-set will lead to that high-quality life.
Using an analogy of a hysterical monkey residing in your mind and sounding the alarm of rapid thoughts and anxiety whenever a situation is slightly uncomfortable, this book provides a practical process to manage this monkey mind and calm it down with a long-term effect.
Surprisingly, the author states that any act of resistance is a form of “feeding” to this monkey. Like a child yelling, crying and whining for candy in the supermarket, giving up to his desires and actually buying him candy is not the solution, as it teaches the child that this is a successful method to receive his desires. Similarly, taking an action that would make you feel temporarily “safe” and shut this screaming monkey up is not a solution, as it teaches the monkey that sounding the alarm, screaming and flaring your nervous system is a successful method to attract your attention to a situation that might not even be a major cause of worry!
The book suggests that instead of following safety strategies, like avoiding handling a difficult task at work to avoid failing and looking like an imposter, you should employ an expansive strategy, like asking for help, restricting a time to work on this task with no constant evaluation of the quality of outcomes and allowing for imperfection to occur.
The monkey mind-set is based on three assumptions, that you have to always be 100% certain, that you cannot make mistakes and that you’re responsible for everyone’s happiness and safety, and it will cause a mental tornado of thoughts leading to anxiety whenever these assumptions aren’t true, although these are impossible to meet. The author, Jennifer Shannon, lists several strategies to confront this monkey mind-set early on and follows it by suggested expansive strategies inspired from the expansive mind-set and not strategies imposed on you by the monkey mind-set to have a quick and temporary relief.
These strategies include welcoming the worry and accompanied negative feelings associated with anxiety, and even asking for more and thanking the monkey for its service, then reacting based on the expansive mind-set which is the willingness to be uncertain, the acceptance of making mistakes and ability to be responsible for yourself only, and finally, praising yourself on whichever outcome you reach, as long as you haven’t given the monkey what it wants.
By adopting this mind-set, you break the cycle and create a room for growth and pleasure, you live a life ruled by the values you uphold like self-expression, creativity and growth and not ruled by fear or just “safety”.
I have always wondered about the feasibility of creating a guideline for living a generally good life and I think this is a close example to what I imagine, I think adopting this mind-set will lead to that high-quality life.
September 30, 2024
لا تغذ عقل القرد هو كتاب مهم لكل شخص يعانى من نوبات القلق وتشتد الأعراض التى تعرقل عملية اتخاذ القرارات سواء قرار يخص العمل او الحياة الشخصية
March 16, 2023
The monkey is a force of nature, and like with all irrepressible forces, what we resist persists. You cannot ignore, suppress, or debate with the monkey! To the monkey, your attempts to not think about the perceived threat will only confirm the threat, guaranteeing more chatter. To send the monkey the message you want to send it, that I a? aware of this ?roble? and I can handle it, you must give it full voice.
Giving the monkey full voice, of course, does not mean following its lead. Simply notice the chatter without judging it or reacting to it.
Notice the monkey like you notice the announcement at the airport warning you not to leave your baggage unattended. No matter how troubling or repetitive a thought is, just keep noticing it, over and over again.
16/3/23
Giving the monkey full voice, of course, does not mean following its lead. Simply notice the chatter without judging it or reacting to it.
Notice the monkey like you notice the announcement at the airport warning you not to leave your baggage unattended. No matter how troubling or repetitive a thought is, just keep noticing it, over and over again.
16/3/23
March 11, 2017
Just like many reviews I also have general and social Anxiety. I have struggled most of my life with it not really knowing what it was until the last 6 years ago. I hated and loved being around crowds. I would go home and analyze ever last thing I said hoping I didn't say the wrong thing or make people think I was a werido. Than I would get myself so tired up in knots I wouldn't be able to eat or sleep for days on end.
I struggled daily to find peace and while I do take care of my anxiety not in the natural way this book was a great guide to understanding anxiety in general. The author write using the analogy of the "Monkey Brain" which make understanding anxiety simple as well as the fun illustrations that she uses to help digest they more dryer and medical side to Anxiety make this a very enjoyable read.
The author tells her personal struggles with anxiety and even shares that fact she had anxiety writing this book which helps the readers relate to the author on a more personal level.
This book takes a story of feeling lost, crazy and unable to find peace of mind and fill in the details
The author includes quizzes and exercisers that are great suggestions to cope with anxiety. Several are very tradition and others are very innovative.
If you love someone dealing with Anxiety read this book and help them find the peace and guidance they need.
Advance COpy from Netgalley
I struggled daily to find peace and while I do take care of my anxiety not in the natural way this book was a great guide to understanding anxiety in general. The author write using the analogy of the "Monkey Brain" which make understanding anxiety simple as well as the fun illustrations that she uses to help digest they more dryer and medical side to Anxiety make this a very enjoyable read.
The author tells her personal struggles with anxiety and even shares that fact she had anxiety writing this book which helps the readers relate to the author on a more personal level.
This book takes a story of feeling lost, crazy and unable to find peace of mind and fill in the details
The author includes quizzes and exercisers that are great suggestions to cope with anxiety. Several are very tradition and others are very innovative.
If you love someone dealing with Anxiety read this book and help them find the peace and guidance they need.
Advance COpy from Netgalley
October 2, 2024
#سفريات2024
#لاتغذ_عقل_القرد
كتاب من كتب التنمية البشرية، فكرته كلها عن موضوع القلق وازاي بيتم تشتيت عقولنا عن طريق وهم المثالية الكاملة ف كل مشاريعنا او اننا بنتحمل مسوؤلية مش بتاعتنا
مع تمارين كتير وامثلة اكتر عن حاجات وناس
الكتاب الحقيقة ممل نوعاً ما خاصة لو مش غاوي كتب التنمية البشرية زي حالاتي، الترجمة جيدة الى حد كبير بس تقريرية اكتر من اللازم ودة فصلني، حقيقي لولا ان الكتاب صغير وكان ف مسابقة ابجد م اعتقدش كنت كملته
ف المجمل كانت تجربة عادية، بس مش هكررها قريب
#قراءات_حرة
#قراءات_سبتمبر
1/47
#لاتغذ_عقل_القرد
كتاب من كتب التنمية البشرية، فكرته كلها عن موضوع القلق وازاي بيتم تشتيت عقولنا عن طريق وهم المثالية الكاملة ف كل مشاريعنا او اننا بنتحمل مسوؤلية مش بتاعتنا
مع تمارين كتير وامثلة اكتر عن حاجات وناس
الكتاب الحقيقة ممل نوعاً ما خاصة لو مش غاوي كتب التنمية البشرية زي حالاتي، الترجمة جيدة الى حد كبير بس تقريرية اكتر من اللازم ودة فصلني، حقيقي لولا ان الكتاب صغير وكان ف مسابقة ابجد م اعتقدش كنت كملته
ف المجمل كانت تجربة عادية، بس مش هكررها قريب
#قراءات_حرة
#قراءات_سبتمبر
1/47
February 26, 2023
Highly recommend this book if you struggle with anxiety. Such useful, easily applicable strategies to help you overcome overwhelming, spiralling trains of thought. Key takeaway: “Worry is often nothing more than monkey chatter and it will dissipate if it is welcomed and tolerated rather than resisted or acted upon.”
July 8, 2024
This will be a long review to say how helpful this book has been already. I hope it will be helpful even more when I take the time to truly practice more.
I've had social anxiety in a bad form since I was 20 or so (I'm 33 now). I also have what I called "random anxiety": anxiety attacks about things you didn't expect to have anxiety over, like cooking or writing one part of a book you've written the rest of.
I tried many different things all these years, and CBT was my latest crush in the last five years. I analyze and ruminate a lot, so I figured my core issues were rumination and some vague type of anxiety on top of my much clearer social anxiety.
Weirdly, it never got better the more I tried, and the thoughts only got worse and more frequent.
I am now confident that I found my solution in this book.
I bought it at random as the star ratings were okay on Amazon, and I liked the cover, but I was actually looking for books they might help with my husband's perfectionism and anxiety; I ended up adding this one to the pile "for me".
Turns out, it's actually pretty awesome.
I don't care if she ripped off the idea somewhere (she mentions someone else I think), because not only did I have so many lightbulb moments while reading this, I also today used her strategy to successfully do something while my anxiety didn't stop me from feeling shit about what I did. And my inside anxiety asshole (which she calls the monkey) actually shut up for a while.
The idea is as follows:
You have the amygdala in your brain, a small center that can react to things before it reaches the rest of your rational brain for you to ponder about. This is what keeps us safe in emergencies and dangerous situations. It is designed to keep you out of harm by quickly giving you a fight or flight reaction. Super useful back when we were apes. The author calls it The Monkey Mind (we're apes though, but I'm a nitpicker and monkey sounds cuter) . She encourages you to imagine it as a seperate entity in yourself in the shape of a tiny monkey. This monkey tries to keep you safe, but it cannot think for itself. It can only sound the alarm from a little bit to a large honking alarm, depending on how it is estimating the danger of the current situation.
So imagine case A: you are at a highway and want to cross it and you are about to take a few steps. Monkey goes berserk: watch the f*ck out for traffic! You are glad it did, and you do not cross yet and make sure to take care of looking around you before deciding not to cross after all.
Now imagine case B. You are going on a blind date (and if that is impossible, think of meeting a new person for business who is super important). Really imagine it. Can you feel the monkey completely losing its shit? Anxiety, buddy. This is the monkey telling you to fight or flight. It thinks you're in danger. But is it truly danger in the nature sense? No. But monkey cannot think like this, and you cannot reason with it. It gives you anxiety, and is asking "fight or flight?!". What's your decision, b*tch?!
So for example, when I feel anxious, I would be fleeing (not going to the date, not doing tasks that are important for work, procrastinating, ...) or fighting (talking to the monkey and rationalizing with it, trying to calm down, breathing exercises, or just doing weird arm gestures like that time I had a panic attack in the store because "it was too big" ...(this book made me realize it was because I had too much uncertainty, but shhhh).
But none of that action sh*t works for a longer time. You keep getting anxiety, and not sure how old you are, but it f*cking gets worse every time, even if you go through with it.
I've been one of the people who rationalizes with a panicky monkey. I never thought about it until this book, but that's just inane.
The reason it becomes worse over time is because every time you pick either fight or flight, you are actually telling the monkey: good job, that WAS dangerous, pheow! Warn me next time too! You are actually picking one of two actions whenever it tells you to.
And not in only dangerous situations, but also in situations that are not actually dangerous at all, like talking to a stranger at your mom's birthday bash (sweet fifties 'do, man).
So now you've got situations that are normal for others (in my case, trying to cook something), where you are having severe anxiety (in my case, panic attacks, hearing myself putting me down, calling me names because the cooking wasn't good or might not be good, ...).
Because I effing taught my monkey to do this. It started out small, but it kept growing every time I picked either fleeing (often procrastinating or stopping the action) or fighting (telling myself I'd be fine as I continued listening and acting on what monkey says).
And this book basically tells you it's a false choice. That's the huge enlightenment.
The correct choice for non-dangerous anxiety is the third choice, namely: do not act.
The solution is to acknowledge, then ignore and not act on the anxiety.
The author suggests saying "thank you monkey" when it sounds the alarm, and then continuing with your actions as if nothing is happening.
She suggests doing this for low anxiety things first, so you can practice (and fail!) many times.
So that's what I did today.
I baked bread. Easy, right?
I get anxiety attacks when I think about cooking. Not huge, but always before, during, and after. The after is the worst part.
Knowing where it originated (childhood), did nothing at all to stop the anxiety. I know why it's causing me anxiety, but I thought knowing would stop or lessen it.
It does not.
As the years progressed, the anxiety monkey came up with its own reasonings, such as that a woman should be able to cook or she's worthless as a woman, or that a wife should be able to do this. (Note that this sounds super ridiculous to me as I'm not a typical woman or wife, but monkey don't care).
So I started baking bread today. And the monkey freaked the f*ck out for the first thirty minutes.
I said "thank you monkey" about fifty or sixty times, so often twice a minute. (My husband removed himself after a bit, as I was doing this out loud).
I would consistently listen, acknowledge, and then not act. It felt like it was useless as it starts back up again and again.
And then after the rising-of-the-dough period, I started again with the kneading and baking. And kept saying "thank you monkey" when I heard it going. It was a lot less often, maybe ten times in half an hour.
And then during the baking (another 35 minutes), it was active twice.
And then as I tasted the bread, I expected the monkey to be as usual: freak out, then i would need to"fight" and ask/force my husband to taste the dish and ask him multiple times if it was okay, then talk out loud about how bad it is and how I failed as a human.
This time, I tasted it, and I said "that's not bad for a first try". Monkey chattered, so thank you monkey, and then it was SILENT.
I was able to eat without anxiety.
It was almost a deafening silence.
I started feeling weird without the anxiety f*cking me up. I actually ENJOYED the bread I made without chattering and putdowns.
I understand now that what I've been calling "my evil brain" is actually my brain trying to support Monkey into never trying to bake bread again, never go out, never try new things, etc, because Monkey truly believes it's evil.
So I'm a huge supporter of this book, however crazy it might sound when you read it.
It actually works.
The first time I managed to shut the damn anxiety up for longer than a few seconds without doing temporary fixes (in my case my temp solution is Netflix binging).
Now, I don't have a busy job, so I'll be focusing on this stuff the next weeks in detail, hoping to get about half of my anxiety down. I operate about 70% of the time with this anxiety, because I ran an inventory as per the author's suggestion and that's what I came up.
I'm self-employed and it's not yet going well, and I've been so anxious I am procrastinating with aiding the business. I have plenty of ideas and no motivation (read: crippling anxiety) to do anything with it.
But I'll be working on it the coming weeks, and I'm expecting that I'll fail often, but I'll make progress. And once in a while, Monkey will look at what I'm doing and just sit there, stunned into silence that none of these things I've been having panic attacks over, are actually dangerous.
The book has more coping mechanisms, much more in-depth info, explains everything in detail and fun cartoons (by a lovely cartoonist!), and it goes into many examples you'll need to determine your own path.
I only gave you one part of a solution, but she has many others in a larger whole.
Post scriptum: I found out that my husband's perfectionism is actually much better explained by the "triad" that is offered in this book of: trouble dealing with uncertainty, perfectionism, and being overly responsible. So two fixes for one
Win win. Already advised this book to two others and will be advising to many more who need a logical no-fluffy-stuff approach to dealing with anxiety.
Thank you so much, Jennifer Shannon (author) for the life-changing-for-me book you wrote.
Update in July 2024: my anxiety became panic attacks at that time due to undiagnosed Cushing's (which increases cortisol in your body, the stress hormone). While the technique did stop 99% of the panic attacks, and I was able to stop roughly 90% of anxiety attacks, it only truly stopped for good when I was put on meds to control the cortisol. But I still stand by the method. If it managed to help me at my absolute worst (e.g. 4-6 panic attacks when I went into a new store for ten minutes), it can help you, too .
I've had social anxiety in a bad form since I was 20 or so (I'm 33 now). I also have what I called "random anxiety": anxiety attacks about things you didn't expect to have anxiety over, like cooking or writing one part of a book you've written the rest of.
I tried many different things all these years, and CBT was my latest crush in the last five years. I analyze and ruminate a lot, so I figured my core issues were rumination and some vague type of anxiety on top of my much clearer social anxiety.
Weirdly, it never got better the more I tried, and the thoughts only got worse and more frequent.
I am now confident that I found my solution in this book.
I bought it at random as the star ratings were okay on Amazon, and I liked the cover, but I was actually looking for books they might help with my husband's perfectionism and anxiety; I ended up adding this one to the pile "for me".
Turns out, it's actually pretty awesome.
I don't care if she ripped off the idea somewhere (she mentions someone else I think), because not only did I have so many lightbulb moments while reading this, I also today used her strategy to successfully do something while my anxiety didn't stop me from feeling shit about what I did. And my inside anxiety asshole (which she calls the monkey) actually shut up for a while.
The idea is as follows:
You have the amygdala in your brain, a small center that can react to things before it reaches the rest of your rational brain for you to ponder about. This is what keeps us safe in emergencies and dangerous situations. It is designed to keep you out of harm by quickly giving you a fight or flight reaction. Super useful back when we were apes. The author calls it The Monkey Mind (we're apes though, but I'm a nitpicker and monkey sounds cuter) . She encourages you to imagine it as a seperate entity in yourself in the shape of a tiny monkey. This monkey tries to keep you safe, but it cannot think for itself. It can only sound the alarm from a little bit to a large honking alarm, depending on how it is estimating the danger of the current situation.
So imagine case A: you are at a highway and want to cross it and you are about to take a few steps. Monkey goes berserk: watch the f*ck out for traffic! You are glad it did, and you do not cross yet and make sure to take care of looking around you before deciding not to cross after all.
Now imagine case B. You are going on a blind date (and if that is impossible, think of meeting a new person for business who is super important). Really imagine it. Can you feel the monkey completely losing its shit? Anxiety, buddy. This is the monkey telling you to fight or flight. It thinks you're in danger. But is it truly danger in the nature sense? No. But monkey cannot think like this, and you cannot reason with it. It gives you anxiety, and is asking "fight or flight?!". What's your decision, b*tch?!
So for example, when I feel anxious, I would be fleeing (not going to the date, not doing tasks that are important for work, procrastinating, ...) or fighting (talking to the monkey and rationalizing with it, trying to calm down, breathing exercises, or just doing weird arm gestures like that time I had a panic attack in the store because "it was too big" ...(this book made me realize it was because I had too much uncertainty, but shhhh).
But none of that action sh*t works for a longer time. You keep getting anxiety, and not sure how old you are, but it f*cking gets worse every time, even if you go through with it.
I've been one of the people who rationalizes with a panicky monkey. I never thought about it until this book, but that's just inane.
The reason it becomes worse over time is because every time you pick either fight or flight, you are actually telling the monkey: good job, that WAS dangerous, pheow! Warn me next time too! You are actually picking one of two actions whenever it tells you to.
And not in only dangerous situations, but also in situations that are not actually dangerous at all, like talking to a stranger at your mom's birthday bash (sweet fifties 'do, man).
So now you've got situations that are normal for others (in my case, trying to cook something), where you are having severe anxiety (in my case, panic attacks, hearing myself putting me down, calling me names because the cooking wasn't good or might not be good, ...).
Because I effing taught my monkey to do this. It started out small, but it kept growing every time I picked either fleeing (often procrastinating or stopping the action) or fighting (telling myself I'd be fine as I continued listening and acting on what monkey says).
And this book basically tells you it's a false choice. That's the huge enlightenment.
The correct choice for non-dangerous anxiety is the third choice, namely: do not act.
The solution is to acknowledge, then ignore and not act on the anxiety.
The author suggests saying "thank you monkey" when it sounds the alarm, and then continuing with your actions as if nothing is happening.
She suggests doing this for low anxiety things first, so you can practice (and fail!) many times.
So that's what I did today.
I baked bread. Easy, right?
I get anxiety attacks when I think about cooking. Not huge, but always before, during, and after. The after is the worst part.
Knowing where it originated (childhood), did nothing at all to stop the anxiety. I know why it's causing me anxiety, but I thought knowing would stop or lessen it.
It does not.
As the years progressed, the anxiety monkey came up with its own reasonings, such as that a woman should be able to cook or she's worthless as a woman, or that a wife should be able to do this. (Note that this sounds super ridiculous to me as I'm not a typical woman or wife, but monkey don't care).
So I started baking bread today. And the monkey freaked the f*ck out for the first thirty minutes.
I said "thank you monkey" about fifty or sixty times, so often twice a minute. (My husband removed himself after a bit, as I was doing this out loud).
I would consistently listen, acknowledge, and then not act. It felt like it was useless as it starts back up again and again.
And then after the rising-of-the-dough period, I started again with the kneading and baking. And kept saying "thank you monkey" when I heard it going. It was a lot less often, maybe ten times in half an hour.
And then during the baking (another 35 minutes), it was active twice.
And then as I tasted the bread, I expected the monkey to be as usual: freak out, then i would need to"fight" and ask/force my husband to taste the dish and ask him multiple times if it was okay, then talk out loud about how bad it is and how I failed as a human.
This time, I tasted it, and I said "that's not bad for a first try". Monkey chattered, so thank you monkey, and then it was SILENT.
I was able to eat without anxiety.
It was almost a deafening silence.
I started feeling weird without the anxiety f*cking me up. I actually ENJOYED the bread I made without chattering and putdowns.
I understand now that what I've been calling "my evil brain" is actually my brain trying to support Monkey into never trying to bake bread again, never go out, never try new things, etc, because Monkey truly believes it's evil.
So I'm a huge supporter of this book, however crazy it might sound when you read it.
It actually works.
The first time I managed to shut the damn anxiety up for longer than a few seconds without doing temporary fixes (in my case my temp solution is Netflix binging).
Now, I don't have a busy job, so I'll be focusing on this stuff the next weeks in detail, hoping to get about half of my anxiety down. I operate about 70% of the time with this anxiety, because I ran an inventory as per the author's suggestion and that's what I came up.
I'm self-employed and it's not yet going well, and I've been so anxious I am procrastinating with aiding the business. I have plenty of ideas and no motivation (read: crippling anxiety) to do anything with it.
But I'll be working on it the coming weeks, and I'm expecting that I'll fail often, but I'll make progress. And once in a while, Monkey will look at what I'm doing and just sit there, stunned into silence that none of these things I've been having panic attacks over, are actually dangerous.
The book has more coping mechanisms, much more in-depth info, explains everything in detail and fun cartoons (by a lovely cartoonist!), and it goes into many examples you'll need to determine your own path.
I only gave you one part of a solution, but she has many others in a larger whole.
Post scriptum: I found out that my husband's perfectionism is actually much better explained by the "triad" that is offered in this book of: trouble dealing with uncertainty, perfectionism, and being overly responsible. So two fixes for one
Win win. Already advised this book to two others and will be advising to many more who need a logical no-fluffy-stuff approach to dealing with anxiety.
Thank you so much, Jennifer Shannon (author) for the life-changing-for-me book you wrote.
Update in July 2024: my anxiety became panic attacks at that time due to undiagnosed Cushing's (which increases cortisol in your body, the stress hormone). While the technique did stop 99% of the panic attacks, and I was able to stop roughly 90% of anxiety attacks, it only truly stopped for good when I was put on meds to control the cortisol. But I still stand by the method. If it managed to help me at my absolute worst (e.g. 4-6 panic attacks when I went into a new store for ten minutes), it can help you, too .
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 14, 2021
Great book for people who deal with anxiety. It explains how the cycle of anxiety works, it helps you identify the root of your anxiety and it provides simple practical exercises to break the cycle depending on your own personal profile. The focus of this tools is to work in our mindset and the way we react when anxiety strikes. To start building resilience we need to change how we respond to this situation, aka stop feeding the monkey.
March 25, 2024
خلاصة الكتاب:
القلق يجلب المزيد من القلق
القلق شعور طبيعي متأصل في غريزتنا البدائية وناتج عن استراتيجيات أسلافنا لحماية أنفسهم..
مقاومة القلق لن تجدي ولن تؤدي إلا إلى المزيد منه..
تقبل قلقك بصدر رحب .. اقبل ببعض المخاطرة في الحياة..
ليست مهمتك سعادة الآخرين .. وليس ثمة شيء مضمون في الحياة
القلق يجلب المزيد من القلق
القلق شعور طبيعي متأصل في غريزتنا البدائية وناتج عن استراتيجيات أسلافنا لحماية أنفسهم..
مقاومة القلق لن تجدي ولن تؤدي إلا إلى المزيد منه..
تقبل قلقك بصدر رحب .. اقبل ببعض المخاطرة في الحياة..
ليست مهمتك سعادة الآخرين .. وليس ثمة شيء مضمون في الحياة
October 10, 2024
هل فكرت قبلًا مدى تأثير الخوف والقلق على حياتك؟ هل تعتقد أنه كان سبب في تأخرك عن الكثير من المهام والأهداف التي كنت قد وضعتها على مسار حياتك من البداية؟ بل هل تتخيل أن الخوف له يد بصمتها واضحة على أبسط التفاصيل في يومك ما بين التأخير عن موعدك أو قلقك على أطفالك أو حتى اتخاذ قرارات بسيطة يومية؟ يجيب على كل تلك الأسئلة هذا الكتاب الذي يتميز بعنوان الملفت (لا تغذ عقل القرد).
في العنوان الثانوي للكتاب وهو (كيف توقف دورة القلق، الخوف والرهبة) أجابت الكاتبة عن الغموض الذي يحيط بالجزء الأول من العنوان وهو الرئيسي؛ كيف يمكن أن نغذي عقل القرد؟ ما الذي جاء بعقل القرد في تعاملتنا من الأساس؟ لتبدأ الكاتبة في المرحلة التالية تعرفنا على ما هو عقل القرد وما دوره في حياتنا لنكتشف معها الكثير.
تشرح الكاتبة أن عقل القرد يتبع دائمًا النهج الدفاعي والابتعاد عن كل ما يخيفه، بل ان كل الأشياء تخيفه وتعيقه عن استكمال ما يرغب فيه، وهو ما يجعلنا نشبه إلى حد كبير عقلية القرد حين تعرضنا لأي موقف سيء أو مُقلق، أن في كثير من الأحيان يجعلك هذا تشتت بل وتتوقف حياتك في الحالات القصوى من القلق والخوف.
الجدير بالذكر أن الكتاب يتحدث بشكل مباشر عن القلق المرضي، الذي يمكن أن يكون له تأثير واضح على أبسط المواقف اليومية التي يمكن أن تمر دون القلق والخوف، بجانب القلق الذي يجعل الإنسان في المنطقة الهادئة التي اعتاد عليها أو ما نسميه بـ (الكمفورت زون) هذا الكتاب يشير بشكل واضح أن التقوقع في تلك المنطقة هو ما يفاقم داخلك الشعور بالقلق عند الخروج منها لأي طارئ.
فكرة التوسع التر طرحها الكتاب هي ما توضح ضرورة التمتع بالمرونة واستقبال أفكار جديدة ومواقف مختلفة وإقناع نفسك داخلك أن هذا الخوف لن يأتي بنتيجة بل فقط بسلبية وخطوات كثيرة للوراء، فالمهم ألا تترك عقل القرد يتغذى أكثر وأكثر ويفرز خوفه داخلك.
النقطة الإيجابية بالنسبة لي هي أن الكتاب بالفعل تناول فكرة الخوف والرهبة بشكل جيد وواضح بل وأهم ما فيه أن الكاتبة بدأت الكتاب مع أمثال على أشخاص حيه تتعامل معها وبالتالي توضح لك كل موقف يمر من خلال هذا الشخص وهذا ما يجعل الأمر أكثر وضوحًا بالنسبة لي وكذلك يجعلني أشعر أنه حقيقي.
بمناسبة الحديث عن الحقيقي فأن مشاعر الكتاب ومواقفه كانت حقيقية جدًا، وجدت مواقف خفت فيها بالفعل ومواقف أخرى عطلتني لأنني شعرت بالرهبة، ومشاعر سلبية ثانية لم أستطيع التحكم فيه وتركتها تؤثر على جسدي، فالكتاب واقعي وحقيقي وهو أهم ما أبحث عنه في الكتب المتعلقة بتطوير الذات.
أما النقطة السلبية في الكتاب بالنسبة لي هي تكرار الحديث، فكرة الكتاب الأساسية معروفة وتوصلت إليها من الجزء الأول فيه ولكن فيما بعد أصبحت الأفكار تتكرر بعدة أشكال وبعدة أمثلة، فهذا ما جعلني أشعر بالملل من هذا التكرار، بجانب شعوري أن الفكرة أبسط من طرحها بهذا الشكل المستفيض على الرغم من أن الكتاب حجمه متوسط إلا ان الفكرة نفسها كانت تحتمل أن تكون جزء من فكرة أكبر ربما، أو تحتاج إلى كتاب أصغر.. لا أعرف.
الترجمة بالنسبة لي كانت جيدة ولم اشعر باختلافها عن روح النص حتى في ترجمة بعض المصطلحات أو الأسماء التي قد يظهر فيه تأثير ذلك، لذا أعدها من النقاط الإيجابية في هذا الكتاب.
*اقتباسات:
❞ سيبيّن لك هذا الكتاب لمَ لا تستطيع أن تتحكم بقلقك. في الواقع، سيريك أن الأشياء التي تقوم بها في محاولة لضبط قلقك هي في الحقيقة ما يساعد في استمراره، ❝
❞ بغض النظر عمَّا يظهره القلق من اختلاف أو شدة، ثمة حقيقة واحدة بالنسبة لنا جميعًا. ألا وهي أنه لا يمكننا أن نرتاح ونطمئن ما لم نشعر بالأمان، ❝
❞ مهما كنت ذكيًّا، ومهما كانت بصيرتك واضحة، يصبح كل شيء مشوهًا عند رؤيته من منظور الخوف. ❝
❞ الكثير منا حياته مقيّدة، فالخلفية المحدقة من القلق تبقينا متسمرين، عاجزين عن السعي لتحقيق أحلامنا. ❝
❞ إن القدرة على التخطيط للمستقبل -أي استباق حدوث المشاكل والفرص- هي واحدة من أكثر طرق تكيف عقل الإنسان العاقل أهمية، ❝
❞ إذا حرمنا أنفسنا من ميزة الوقوع في الخطأ أو الفشل، سنكون عاجزين عن القيام بالمخاطرة الضرورية لتحقيق أهدافنا الشخصية؛ ولهذا السبب، بالإضافة إلى القلق، ترتبط المثالية بالاكتئاب، والتأجيل، والإدمان، وجلد الذات. ❝
❞ إن الاعتقاد بأن الطريقة الوحيدة لتكون سعيدًا ومطمئنًا هي بسعادة الآخرين واطمئنانهم، تُحمِّلَك عبئًا من المهام والمشاكل اللامتناهية - الكثير من المسؤوليات التي لايستطيع تحملها شخص واحد. ❝
❞ أنا أدعو الأشياء التي نقوم بها كرد فعل عكسي لكي نتجنب، أو نقاوم، أو نشتت أنفسنا عن المشاعر السلبية أدعوها باستراتيجيات الأمان. ❝
❞ من دون بعض المجازفة، تصبح الخبرات والمعارف الجديدة مستحيلة. تصبح أفكارنا، وسلوكنا، ومستوى القلق لدينا صلبة وقابلة للتوقع. ومع الوقت، ونتجاهل رغباتُ القلب. ❝
❞ فإذا أردت توسيع حياتك إلى ما وراء دورة أمان القرد، فمن الضروري أن تشعر بهذه المشاعر بدل محاولة صرف انتباهك عنها أو كبتها. ❝
❞ سيكون الترحيب بما كنت معتادًا على مقاومته أمر صعب عليك. الأمر الجوهري هو أن تعقد النية على اختبار مشاعر مزعجة. أمضى الكثير منا معظم حياتهم في محاولة عدم الشعور بالضيق؛ لذا فهي قفزة كبيرة للترحيب بالمشاعر المزعجة، ولكن هذا تمامًا ما نحتاج لفعله. ❝
❞ ليست المشاعر السلبية الضيوف الصعبة الوحيدة في حفلة يستضيفها القرد، فقد تظهر أيضًا الأحاسيس الجسدية المزعجة. عندما تتحفز أحاسيس الكر أو الفر، قد تتراكم التغيرات الكيميائية الحيوية والعصبية التي تحدث في جسدك لتشكل استيلاء افتراضيًّا. ❝
❞ تذكر أن المشاعر السلبية حتمية، وهي بالتالي ضرورية، وبإفساحك المجال لها ستبني مع الوقت والتدريب مرونة تجاهها داخل جسدك. ❝
❞ تذكر ألا تناقش أو تكبت الأفكار والمشاعر التي تبرز. أنت المتحكم هنا وهذا ما طلبته أنت، لقد اخترت أن تفتح البوابة، وأن تسمح لكل شيء تفكر وتشعر به أن يعبر بحرية خلالك، دون مقاومة أي شيء. قد يغريك حل مشاكل بعض همومك، ولكن لا تفعل ذلك. لا إصلاح، فقط إحساس ❝
October 3, 2020
I enjoyed the concept as it was different from other self help books. It became a little repetitive after a while though. Would have been good to have more examples and exercises.
April 18, 2022
Very well done and practical book on managing anxiety! I have struggled with panic and anxiety my whole life and I was pleasantly surprised by how well Jennifer Shannon was able to explain feelings/experiences that I haven't been able to fully articulate myself. After reading this, I downloaded the compatible worksheets and am excited to try some of the actionable steps laid out in this book to stop "feeding the monkey mind". Highly recommend this book as a companion for therapy and/or spiritual counseling.
January 4, 2025
These are the days that must happen to you.
I appreciate the simple language and the cartoons.
I appreciate the simple language and the cartoons.
April 11, 2017
I'm a card carrying member of they worriers' club and this book definitely addresses people like me.
It starts out by identifying what part of the brain plays worry like a loop and how you can develop the resilience needed to think clearly in situations that may make you fret.
Jennifer provides quizzes at various stage in the book to enable readers assess themselves and determine what spectrum they fall under different headings. I particularly liked the drawings/ illustrations in the book.
Rating: 4/5
Favourite quote: "Difficulty tolerating doubt can lead to compulsive checking behaviors like making sure doors are locked and appliances are turned off. You’ll tend to overplan things; even weekends and vacations have a to-do list. And when the list doesn’t get finished or things don’t go as you planned them, you become upset and have difficulty enjoying the moment".
It starts out by identifying what part of the brain plays worry like a loop and how you can develop the resilience needed to think clearly in situations that may make you fret.
Jennifer provides quizzes at various stage in the book to enable readers assess themselves and determine what spectrum they fall under different headings. I particularly liked the drawings/ illustrations in the book.
Rating: 4/5
Favourite quote: "Difficulty tolerating doubt can lead to compulsive checking behaviors like making sure doors are locked and appliances are turned off. You’ll tend to overplan things; even weekends and vacations have a to-do list. And when the list doesn’t get finished or things don’t go as you planned them, you become upset and have difficulty enjoying the moment".
November 30, 2021
In the process of reviewing this book, I see I gained much more than I thought I was gaining while reading. It was hard to take the idea of a "monkey mind" seriously, especially with the cartoon drawings on many of this book's pages, but ultimately, maybe not taking things too seriously is a good thing for me to practice. In the short term, it made it a little hard for me to focus and get beyond the cutesy. Other than that, I really like this simple book and would recommend it.
I like how throughout the book, the author shows the problems of three specific composite patients each with a particular challenge that relates to the main anxiety-causers she discusses. She takes each patient through the whole process of her technique. It's simple and easy to follow.
Demanding certainty, requiring perfection, and taking on too much responsibility for other peoples' problems are the things she says cause the most anxiety. I love the idea she shares of being "on target" rather than insisting we always hit the "bull's eye." I have perfectionist tendencies. I have learned from experience to take less responsibility for other peoples' problems, but I still need to work on that. I also demand too much certainty. There is much for me to practice with what I've learned from this book.
I especially like the simplicity of the author's "Expansion Charts." I like how she lists a grid where you can write the "Opportunity" first. Then comes a list of "Values" that can be expanded upon with that opportunity. On the left below that, she has the "Monkey Mindset" box. That's where you list all the fearful thoughts. On the right is the "Expansive Mind-set" box where you list the truthful or potential positive thought that counteracts the fear. Below that on the left is a place to list "Safety Strategies" which are those things we automatically do and assume. On the right next to that is a box for "Expansive Strategies" which are helpful strategies of things to do or think instead that will actually help. Many of these are directly opposite of the natural tendencies. At the very bottom of the chart there is a place to list "Necessary Feelings," which are those negative feelings that are going to come up during the opportunity that are just part of life and must be accepted as we move forward. These charts are excellent for the visually inclined and put a problem or opportunity in perspective. I wish I could draw the chart here, but hopefully I've described it well enough that I'll remember it. Several of her example charts are extremely helpful and worth copying.
Also, her end-of-chapter takeaways are helpful. She even groups them together as an excellent summary at the end of the book. I'm going to list them here as a reminder. Each concept is expanded upon in its own chapter.
"Key Takeaways
"1. Our anxiety is a call to action generated by the monkey mind's perception of threat.
"2. When hijacked by anxiety, we adopt the monkey mind-set, which assumes that in order to be safe we must be certain of all outcomes, we must be perfect, and we must be responsible for others' feelings and actions.
"3. When we respond to anxiety with avoidance or resistance, we confirm the perception of threat-- we feed the monkey-- which maintains both our cycle of anxiety and our monkey mind-set.
"4. We feed the monkey constantly throughout the day by performing safety strategies-- actions that keep us temporarily safe from the monkey's perceived threats and anxiety alarms.
"5. In order to support a mind-set that allows us to thrive, we must create new experience and learning by replacing safety strategies with expansive strategies.
"6. In order for the uncomfortable emotions and sensations associated with anxiety to run their course, it is not only necessary to feel them, but advisable to welcome them.
"7. Worry is often nothing more than monkey chatter, and it will dissipate if it is welcomed and tolerated, rather than resisted or acted upon.
"8. When we override the monkey's value of safety with our own personal values, and plan situations to practice honoring those values, we expand our lives.
"9. While we can practice expansion strategies in nearly every situation we encounter, we will be most successful in low-stakes situations that are less threatening to the monkey.
"10. Identify and praise every facet of your practice where you do well.
"11. Where your expansion practice will lead you and how it will reward you nobody can say, but so long as you continue your practice there is no limit to what is possible."
I like how throughout the book, the author shows the problems of three specific composite patients each with a particular challenge that relates to the main anxiety-causers she discusses. She takes each patient through the whole process of her technique. It's simple and easy to follow.
Demanding certainty, requiring perfection, and taking on too much responsibility for other peoples' problems are the things she says cause the most anxiety. I love the idea she shares of being "on target" rather than insisting we always hit the "bull's eye." I have perfectionist tendencies. I have learned from experience to take less responsibility for other peoples' problems, but I still need to work on that. I also demand too much certainty. There is much for me to practice with what I've learned from this book.
I especially like the simplicity of the author's "Expansion Charts." I like how she lists a grid where you can write the "Opportunity" first. Then comes a list of "Values" that can be expanded upon with that opportunity. On the left below that, she has the "Monkey Mindset" box. That's where you list all the fearful thoughts. On the right is the "Expansive Mind-set" box where you list the truthful or potential positive thought that counteracts the fear. Below that on the left is a place to list "Safety Strategies" which are those things we automatically do and assume. On the right next to that is a box for "Expansive Strategies" which are helpful strategies of things to do or think instead that will actually help. Many of these are directly opposite of the natural tendencies. At the very bottom of the chart there is a place to list "Necessary Feelings," which are those negative feelings that are going to come up during the opportunity that are just part of life and must be accepted as we move forward. These charts are excellent for the visually inclined and put a problem or opportunity in perspective. I wish I could draw the chart here, but hopefully I've described it well enough that I'll remember it. Several of her example charts are extremely helpful and worth copying.
Also, her end-of-chapter takeaways are helpful. She even groups them together as an excellent summary at the end of the book. I'm going to list them here as a reminder. Each concept is expanded upon in its own chapter.
"Key Takeaways
"1. Our anxiety is a call to action generated by the monkey mind's perception of threat.
"2. When hijacked by anxiety, we adopt the monkey mind-set, which assumes that in order to be safe we must be certain of all outcomes, we must be perfect, and we must be responsible for others' feelings and actions.
"3. When we respond to anxiety with avoidance or resistance, we confirm the perception of threat-- we feed the monkey-- which maintains both our cycle of anxiety and our monkey mind-set.
"4. We feed the monkey constantly throughout the day by performing safety strategies-- actions that keep us temporarily safe from the monkey's perceived threats and anxiety alarms.
"5. In order to support a mind-set that allows us to thrive, we must create new experience and learning by replacing safety strategies with expansive strategies.
"6. In order for the uncomfortable emotions and sensations associated with anxiety to run their course, it is not only necessary to feel them, but advisable to welcome them.
"7. Worry is often nothing more than monkey chatter, and it will dissipate if it is welcomed and tolerated, rather than resisted or acted upon.
"8. When we override the monkey's value of safety with our own personal values, and plan situations to practice honoring those values, we expand our lives.
"9. While we can practice expansion strategies in nearly every situation we encounter, we will be most successful in low-stakes situations that are less threatening to the monkey.
"10. Identify and praise every facet of your practice where you do well.
"11. Where your expansion practice will lead you and how it will reward you nobody can say, but so long as you continue your practice there is no limit to what is possible."
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