The Impossible Boy

The Impossible Boy #1

by Anna Martin

This is not your average love story.

Ben Easton is not your average romantic hero. He’s a tattooed, badass, wannabe rock star, working in a perfectly horrible dive bar in Camden Town. His life is good, and he’s totally unprepared for how one man will turn it upside down.

Stan isn’t your average heroine. As a gender-fluid man, he proudly wears his blond hair long, his heels sky-high, and his makeup perfectly executed. A fashion industry prodigy, Stan is in London after stints working in Italy and New York City, and he quickly falls for Ben’s devil-may-care attitude and the warm, soft heart Ben hides behind it.

Beneath the perfect, elegant exterior, Stan has plenty of scars from teenage battles with anorexia. And it only takes the slightest slip for his demons to rush back in while Ben is away touring with his band. With the band on the brink of a breakthrough, Ben is forced to find a way to balance the opportunity of a lifetime with caring for his beautiful boyfriend.

Genres: M M Romance, Romance, Contemporary, LGBT, Music, Musicians, Mental Health

204 pages, ebook

First published January 16, 2017

About the author

Anna Martin is from a picturesque seaside village in the south west of England. After spending most of her childhood making up stories, she studied English Literature at university before attempting to turn her hand as a professional writer.

Apart from being physically dependent on her laptop, she is enthusiastic about writing and producing local grassroots theatre (especially at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, where she can be found every summer), travelling, learning to play the ukulele, and Ben & Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk.

Although her most recent work is in the LGBT romance genre, in the past Anna has worked on a variety of different projects including short stories, drabbles, flash fiction, fan fiction, plays for both children and adults, and poetry. She has written novels in the Teen or Young Adult genre, Romance and Fantasy novels.

Anna is, by her own admission, almost unhealthily obsessed with books. The library she has amassed is both large and diverse; "My favourite books," she says, "are 'The Moonstone' by Wilkie Collins, 'To Kill a Mockingbird' by Harper Lee and 'Oryx and Crake' by Margaret Atwood." She also owns multiple copies of Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park books and re-reads the Harry Potter novels with almost startling regularity.

Anna claims her entire career is due to the love, support, pre-reading and creative ass-kicking provided by her closest friend Jennifer. Jennifer refuses to accept any responsibility for anything Anna has written.

Reviews

[~✡~Dαni(ela) ♥ ♂♂ love & semi-colons~✡~ · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I can do anything . . . With my beautiful, impossible boy."

Stan (short for Stanislav) is a boy. And a girl. He's not transgender; he's gender fluid. He's a feminine man who rocks dresses and high heels and has bins full of makeup. A creative director at a fashion magazine, he turns heads wherever he goes.



Stan is jaw-droppingly gorgeous. But beauty can be a curse. Always different, always apart, Stan controls what he can: his body and food.

The Impossible Boy is a tender romance. But it's also a serious exploration of gender identity and eating disorders. Stan is anorexic, his illness a beast lurking in the corners of his mind.

Ben, a bartender and guitarist, is an ordinary bloke with an extraordinary heart. When Ben first sees Stan striding into his bar, he thinks Stan is a "long-legged goddess" but he's not even remotely disappointed when he realizes Stan is a boy.

Ben takes Stan as he is; even when Stan tells him he's anorexic, Ben doesn't falter.

"I want all of you . . . I love every part of you. All of it."

Stan and Ben's relationship is thoughtful and sweet. They take walks in the park and cuddle on the couch. They kiss and make love. Ben is so completely in love with Stan, it shows in every gesture, every moment. Even when Stan falls, Ben doesn't give up.

There is no melodrama in this story, no relationship angst. There's sweetness and humour (Ben's band mates are hilarious). But don't think this book is a light read because it's not.

My heart hurt for Stan, who has always struggled so hard to be accepted, whose own mother knew he was starving and didn't say a word. And it hurt for Ben, trying to keep it all together even as his world is falling apart.



When Stan buys Ben a black "rocker" bunny so Ben has something to hold when Stan's not there, I about cried. And that bunny comes round. At one point, Stan, who doesn't like to depend on anyone, needs the bunny more than Ben does.

I loved the secondary characters, especially Tone, Ben's friend and band mate who blurts out whatever's on his mind and whose wild beard and sloppy clothes belie a sensitive heart. Tone even gets into Stan's "yoga malarkey"; he's awesome like that.

The Impossible Boy ends with a lovely HEA, a HEA all the more believable because it's not sugarcoated.

We know Stan has a long road ahead of him (anorexia is a mental illness; it doesn't just go away). But now Stan isn't alone. He has a support system. He has Tone buying him chocolate. And he has an amazing boyfriend who would do anything for his princess, his imperfectly perfect boy.

Ben pressed a familiar black bunny into Stan's hand.

"I don't need him anymore . . . I can hold you tonight."

"And tomorrow," Stan said.

"And tomorrow."

[Judith · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 Stars.

"I'm a boy and a girl both,in different ways.Some people call it gender-fluid."

When I read a friend's review of this and saw the blurb I just knew it was my kind of book.I adore femme men,I love the heels,the make up,the long hair,the clothes.And add into the mix a man who is the opposite and I'm in book heaven.

I make no apologies for the fact I like my men to be dirty,really dirty.I'm talking about men being manhandled and pushed around in the most deliciously filthy ways-and this book is nothing like that.

These two men don't fuck
These two men make love
And it is quite beautiful.

Stan is 22 and has just moved to London to start a job working for a fashion magazine.He's stunningly beautiful and has loads of offers to become a model but that's definitely not an option for him due to his past.He had the opportunity to go through transition but couldn't as he doesn't identify with being transgender.I didn't really understand fully what being gender-fluid was and thought the Author explained it well,especially in the conversations Stan had with Ben and Tone.


Stan meets Ben one night in the bar Ben works in.When Ben first sees Stan he is blown away by his beauty,initially thinking he's a girl.However,when he realizes Stan is a man he's not fazed in any way.

For the most part,men didn't like being come on to by a man who looked more like a girl.A hot girl.A really hot,slightly confusing girl.Stan knew what he looked like-he owned it.

This book was not what I expected at all.It's romantic and sweet.These men don't rush into bed,they go on dates,they hold hands and their relationship develops at just the right pace.Ben is completely unfazed by Stan's past,he just sees a beautiful man he wants to be with.On Stan's part,he's never had the kind of attention Ben gives him from any other man.

It's not all rainbows and sunshine,though,when Stan's demons from the past resurface.However it wasn't unnecessary drama and played an important part in these two men's relationship.

Highly recommended.

Arc from publisher

[len ❀ · Rating 4 out of 5]

“As long as I can do it with my princess, I can do anything,” Ben murmured, the words soft against Stan’s lips. Stan smiled and pulled himself just a tiny bit closer to Ben’s solid chest. “With my beautiful, impossible boy.”

I haven’t enjoyed a book since April 13, so giving this 4-stars was a little bit of a shocker. Simply put, I loved and adored this.

The Impossible Boy is a romance through and through, one following the lives of two young men who meet, mingle, find a connection, follow it, and realize they don’t want to spend a second away from each other. Throughout the story, we see nothing but the two of them developing their relationship.

This was a perfect example of the type of love stories I love to read about. Stan and Ben’s connection is clear from the start, from the attraction at the beginning to the friendship that structures to a lot more grounded and vulnerable relationship. Even as Stan struggled with his past and eating disorder and how he relapsed later in the story, the communication is strong. The two make their feelings clear from the start without any misunderstandings, and it makes this relationship more trustworthy no mistaken assumptions, and it makes this relationship more dependable because of the agreeable climate, solid friendship, and solid feeling of adoration between the men. The side characters as friendships with Ben and then Stan add to the love between all the characters, a sort of found family. This story was soft in all sides. Stan and Ben don't play around one another other than the prodding they do between one another. They’re supportive of each other with everything. When Ben realizes Stan is a man but is gender-fluid with feminine/androgynous features, there aren’t second thoughts or hesitation. It only makes the relationship stronger because of how much Ben now knows about Stan. What's more, when Stan informs Ben regarding his anorexia, Ben doesn't allow it to characterize him. He wants to think about it, gives his all to help him, and attempts to grasp him, however he never allows Stan to bring himself down for his past.

I loved how the author wrote both characters. Stan and his identity struggles—his epiphany of being gender fluid and not “fitting in” to a female or male role; his adoration and commitment to design while likewise understanding the cost it takes on his psychological wellness; his need to prove himself in different areas; his struggles with discrimination for being Russian, not speaking English in different countries, and his adaption to society’s standards. I respected Stan's solidarity and dedication to his work, yet my heart additionally broke for how little consideration he gave himself. His mentality is so determined to demonstrate to himself as well as other people, making others pleased with him, putting others needs before his, that he doesn't understand his subtle conflicts. His personality was solid yet in addition defenseless. His personality and characteristics felt like a breath of fresh air compared to other characters I’ve read about. He’s accepting of himself, doesn’t hold back, and will step up for himself without waiting for someone else to do it. Regardless, he’s a little lonely and needs some help on looking out for himself.

And that’s where Ben steps in.

“You make me feel—” Stan said, then cut off the thought before he could voice it.
“Tell me.”
“So feminine.”

Ben is a nurturing and kind soul. He’s a leader without knowing it. He doesn’t give himself enough credit for who he is and what he does. Even though he doesn’t have the best relationship with his family, he’s open to communicating differently and becoming a part of them. Even with that, his friendship with his band members makes the story shine more. He adjusts the two sides firmly, never wanting to pick a side or consider one more significant. I loved that he was so consoling to the two sides to guarantee his affection and care. I find it a little common where authors play favoritism with their own characters, but personally, I never found that here. There was only just different situations that called for different actions. Not to mention, Ben was respectful in every and any way he could. Even when there was something he couldn’t relate to or exactly understand, he remained respectful and kind. Even though he can come off as someone perceived as a “mother hen” towards Stan at first, it’s only because he cares and thinks he’s doing the right thing. However, he learns from it when he’s called out and does his best to accommodate Stan’s needs.

Even the side characters were a wonderful addition. Personally, Tone was my favorite, but I don’t think that’s a surprise to anyone who has read this considering his role in the story and how important he becomes. Still, it never felt like the other members stole the spotlight in any way, with the focus being on Stan, Ben, and their growing feelings as their relationship developed. It was heartwarming to see Tone be able to read Stan so right, and it even made sense how he was doing a better job than Ben. It wasn’t that Ben cared less or didn’t know what he was doing, he just thought too much about it, but it all made sense. He was worried, scared, and unsure, but Tone’s reassurance and optimism was enough to help him get his routine.

“I am so ridiculously in love with you.”
Stan turned and gave him one of his most devastating smiles. Leaning in slowly, he bumped their noses together.
“I know.”

The relationship between Ben and Stan is very physical, but in a sexual and emotional way. There is so much physical affection that it made me touch starved. There’s such an open communication between them where consent is always the most important. Both men read each other well, but Ben manages to become incredibly attentive of Stan and his needs. Part of the issues they first have that affect their sexual relationship has to do with Stan’s body and size of it (related to his eating), but Ben still manages to find ways around it, making sure to show Stan he can still be loved and pleasured. I adored how attentive Ben was but also how Stan held his own ground. The two complemented each other so well.

Admittedly, I’m a little hesitant on the second book. I love books with established couples, but I can’t say I’m a fan when authors make their couple have a HEA in the first book and have them break up for the sake of the second book. While I understand the premise of the second book just with the blurb and how couples go through arguments and fights, it is pretty difficult for an author to pull off a second chance after experiencing the full happiness in the previous book. If the first book was already a second chance with an established couple going through some difficulties, it would be different, but that isn’t the case here. I can’t say I’m looking forward to the sequel.

“I don’t need him anymore,” Ben said, his voice husky from the weed. “I can hold you tonight.”
“And tomorrow,” Stan said.
“Yeah. And tomorrow.”

[Virginia Ronan ♥ Herondale ♥ · Rating 5 out of 5]

”They’ll let me in,” Stan said confidently. “Do they not know who I am?”
“You’re a drunk Russian with the best legs in Britain,” Tone teased.
“Indeed. They should be honoured to have me in their establishment.”

After finishing “The Impossible Boy” I thought a lot about this book and why I liked it so much. It’s no secret that I’m a sucker for LGBTQ+ books and this might be the obvious reason why I enjoyed this so much. But to say I only loved this because it falls into a certain genre would neither do the book justice nor would it be right. I adored this book for so many different reasons and I thought long and hard about how to put this into words. When I began to read “The Impossible Boy” I basically just hoped to find a decent gender fluid rep and thought that this would become one of my shorter reviews. The more I read, the more I realized that I couldn’t go for just a short review though.

Why? Because this book was amazing and deserves a long kick-ass review that makes people aware of this little gem! So am I biased because this book features a gender fluid rep? HELL, YES I AM! It’s always good to feel represented and I think I finally understand why people are so happy when they find themselves in a book. The thing is, I couldn’t only relate to Stan but to all of the other characters as well. The band life and how they interacted when they made music, the humour, the strong friendships, Ben’s insomnia, Stan’s love for his blog and his choice of clothes! I could relate to this book on so many levels it was kind of astounding! It felt like this book was written for me and it’s really no surprise I ended up loving it so much!

I’m not gonna lie! There will be people who’ll read this book and say: “So what’s the big deal? I’ve read stories like that about a thousand times.” But there will also be people like me that will say: “Yes, but this book portrays life with its ups and downs and is relatable af!” Sometimes you just need books like that and for me this book came at exactly the right time. This said let’s head to my characters section and go into more detail!

The characters:

If you already know my reviews, you know the drill! But if you’re new to them this is the perfect moment to mention that from here on you’ll be spoiled with bits and pieces of the storyline. So if you don’t want to be spoiled you better don’t continue to read! Don’t say I didn’t warn you! ;-)

Stan:

”Coming in early was a habit he’d picked up in Italy, one no one here seemed to share. Some people didn’t stumble in until ten. By that time, Stan was on his second coffee and well into his working day.”

Gods! This quote alone was already so relatable because it’s totally me! I’m one of the early birds too and my colleagues come in pretty late as well. I loved Stan’s work ethic and I found myself in it. Just like him my blog is a part of my daily life as well and yes, I also consider it to be work. Unpaid work you love to do in your spare time but work nevertheless. ;-) Also can we acknowledge how at peace Stan was with himself? I loved that he accepted himself the way he is and that he tried to explain it to other people when they asked. It’s not easy to explain being gender fluid but Stan did a pretty decent job of it and I loved him for being so open with everyone. Despite everything he had a dark past though and it was evident that he still struggled with it. >_< Still, just like me Stan is an eternal optimist and didn’t want to let things get him down. Which made him a very strong character in my opinion!

”For the most part, men didn’t like being flirted with by a man who looked more like a girl. A really hot, slightly confusing, slightly wrong girl. Stan knew what he looked like – he owned it.”

Ben:

”He’d gotten used to insomnia as a teenager, the result of a massive shift in his lifestyle and the stress of his parent’s divorce. These days he tried to meditate every night before going to sleep, although some nights he ended up crashing out and forgetting.”

Ben is the friendly bartender everyone needs in their life! I loved his character and I could relate to his life as well. He was working shifts in a pub and playing in a band whenever he had time and his insomnia as well as his band life resonated with me. I adored the bits and pieces of band life we got to see because the musician in me that played in a band a few years ago made exactly the same experiences. This band was a family and they got each other’s back whenever things got tough. Also they were a super chaotic bunch but once they took their instruments and started to play they easily found their rhythm and began to create something amazing! Ben was such a laid-back, easy and honest guy! It was so refreshing to see him interact with everyone!

Tone:

”Tone wasn’t short for Tony or Antony, as most people assumed. His given name was Daniel. He’d earned the nickname for his uncanny ability to lower the tone of a conversation, even when people assumed it was already at rock-bottom.”

Now that boy was incredible! Tone was the epitome of rough edges and a heart of gold! I adored that man so much! <33 His nickname was spot-on and his “I’m so blunt it hurts” attitude immediately won my heart! *lol* That’s exactly the kind of guy I’d love to be friends with! Direct, kind, accepting and painfully frank! XD Plus he was wise! There was more to him than initially met the eye and when he told Stan about Kat I hurt for him. I know how it feels to experience such a loss and I really wish I could have hugged that big oaf and given him some love! <3 This guy would have done everything for his friends and even though he sometimes appeared to be completely thoughtless there was always a good reason for the way he acted! (cue: chocolate!!)

”I know what it’s like to feel you can’t get out of bed, you can’t wash yourself or feed yourself or even breathe without effort. I also know the only way you can get out of that absolute pit of depression is with the love of your friends.”

The relationships & ships:

Stan & Ben:

”If you fancy a bit of rough, I’m sure you can figure out where to find me.”
“Fuck off, Tone,” Ben said with a weary sigh and threw his arm around Stan’s shoulder.
Stan laughed and turned his face against Ben’s chest for a moment, hoping to hide the heat in his cheeks.

Okay, and here comes the moment where I begin to fangirl like crazy and say how much I adored their relationship!! Those two were so grounded and flat out adorable! I loved how realistic their relationship was. I mean they got to know each other when Stan drank a beer at Ben’s bar then they got together and ultimately moved together as well. And they go out and have fun with their friends but when work is stressful and demanding they have no problem to sit in front of the TV and to spend a quiet evening at home! Which was amazing! This was such a normal and healthy way to deal with stress at work that I couldn’t help but love them for it! <33 Plus - and I know this might sound contradictory now because I’m usually a person that loves to address things directly – it made me so happy that Ben just accepted Stan the way he was and only asked him about his sexuality way later on in the book! For him it was no issue, nothing he needed to address because he loved and accepted Stan exactly the way he was. So those two were perfect for each other and I shipped them from the moment they met!

”He sees the girl and he likes her, and can touch the boy and like him too. He doesn’t try and make me `fit` into any tick-box category. He just lets me be me.”

Stan & Tone:

”Alright,” Tone said, obviously summoning bravado. “Are you a girl or a boy? Not your body, I mean. Like, your mind.”
Stan couldn’t help the rush of affection for this man who was trying so hard. He wasn’t the big, offensive oaf the others seemed to think he was. Okay, so his phrasing wasn’t great, but he cared enough to ask, and that mattered.

THIS WAS AN EPIC FRIENDSHIP MADE FOR ETERNITY!! I loved, loved, loved the way those two spoke so openly with each other! <33 And I loved that Tone had no qualms to ask the important questions! Stan knew exactly that he didn’t mean to be offensive and quite honestly I sometimes wish more people would be like Tone. Just say it straight to my head. Ask me and get it over with. It would make things so much easier if people would address those touchy subjects instead of whispering behind people’s backs. Tone might not have gotten it all but he liked Stan for the person he was and he supported him no matter what! Even when Ben and Stan had an argument he tried to understand both sides and sort of mediated between them. Plus he always knew exactly how to deal with his friend’s problems because he listened and paid attention! As I already said, there was more to him than met the eye and he was one of the best and most attentive friends I ever read about in a book!

”There isn’t going to be anyone who comes and asks if you want help, Stan. I’m going to barge right in and be here whether you want me or not.”

”Stan is good, Ben. He’s good. He needs help, he needs support, but he is a strong guy. The hardest thing for you to do now is not to be there for him, but to let him be strong for himself.”

The gender-fluid rep:

”I’m still a boy,” Stan said, tugging at the thick mop of dishevelled hair until Ben looked up at him. “I came to terms with that because it’s something I can’t change.”

Okay this might get pretty personal and very long now but I think it’s always important to write about a decent rep. Especially if you think that it’s done right and you could relate to it as much as I could. The gender-fluid rep in this might not have been a 100% spot-on for me, in fact it was probably about 50% because 1. Stan was physically male and I’m physically female and 2. Because the way I understood it Stan was a constant mixture of both genders and I’m either this or that (one side is always more dominant). At least when it comes to my “state of mind” like Tone put it. XD Still, regardless of those differences I felt totally understood when Stan spoke about being gender fluid and tried to explain it to Tone. The conversation they had about it was so amazing and I loved that Tone offered to call Stan “she” if he wanted it. That was so thoughtful and such a great reaction that I almost found myself weeping with joy. There were so many troubles Stan had to face during the book that sounded so familiar and when he ducked into the girl’s toilet because he wore a dress and was in “female mode” I actually had to smile. Some days the toilet confusion is a real thing, my friends! *lol* What I also liked was that at some point in the book Stan and Ben as well as Stan and Tone spoke about being gender fluid and/or about being transgender. Stan actually thought about changing his gender but he ultimately decided against it because he felt okay the way he was and realized that he didn’t want to go through with the process. He explained that being gender fluid was being stuck between two genders and if he would have changed into a woman there still would have been “male days” so he probably wouldn’t have felt any closer to his true gender than he felt as a boy (physically speaking of course). And he was right, it’s not a story you hear very often. Plus I loved that he said that to change gender is good and right for some people, but that it would have been no option for him. I’m totally with him when it comes to this. I know a few transgender people who changed their gender and who are more than just happy with it now, for me it would have never been an option though. There are days I love to wear dresses and enjoy doing my hair and make-up (just like Stan does) but there are also days I wear my jeans, t-shirts and hoodies and don’t even want to think about putting on some lipstick. And because I read it in some of the other reviews and felt like I needed to say something about it: Yes, Stan loves to choose his clothes and quite a bit of the book is about what he wears and how he presents himself. I don’t think that this is useless information though, for me it actually was additional and important information, because if you are gender fluid and you are in a – let’s say – “female state of mind” you want to be recognized as being a woman and therefore dress accordingly. For me this felt perfectly normal because as I said before I dress differently when I’m female or male too. ;-) I probably could go on and on but I think I’ll just leave it at that. For me this was an amazing rep and I really hope that in future more authors will tackle gender fluid representations and will include them in their books.

”Would you do it now? If you had the chance?”
“No,” Stan said softly. “I’m in a different place now. It was only a couple of years ago, but I’ve kind of learned to accept what I’ve got.”

”I’m a boy, Tone. My body is a male body and that’s okay. It’s more than being femme, though. I’m a boy with a lot of feminine traits, both in how I feel from day to day and how I like to dress, to present myself. I’m a boy and a girl both, in different ways. Some people call it gender-fluid.”

”I wasn’t born the wrong sex for my gender. There is no easy, fix-it success story for being stuck between two genders, so it’s not a story people hear very often. Gay men don’t like me because I look like a girl. Straight men don’t like me because I’m physically male.”

The anorexia rep:

”If just one person told me I needed to lose weight, I know that could send me back on that downward spiral, and fuck no, I’m not going there again.”

Okay so this is a trigger warning. I read a few books that dealt with anorexia but I have no idea if the rep in this book reflected reality. It only became a topic at around 60% of the book because Stan had a relapse when Ben was away on his tour. He ended up in hospital and needed to be tube-fed for quite a while. His recovery was pretty slow and he was told that if he didn’t take care and had another relapse it might easily be his death. Also it was mentioned that Stan had problems with his bones and back because they never really got a chance to develop properly. I only read books about the topic and from what I read this sounded like a pretty accurate rep, as always you might take my words with a grain of salt though.

Conclusion:

I really loved this book to bits and pieces and for me it was everything! <3 I loved the humour, the friendships, the band life and Stan and Ben’s relationship. The gender fluid rep was amazing and I really want to read more books like that! XD I’m so glad that there is a second book because I’m so going to read this soon!

[~Mindy Lynn~ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely adored this story!!!

Stan.... my poor sweet impossible boy, Stan. I just adored him. He was just so damn sweet! I loved his strength. I am awed by his 'give no cares' when it comes to what people might think about his appearance. He's gorgeous and people can't help but stare at his beauty. Including, Ben. Ben is all heart. I cannot express how much I wish there were more guys (just people) like him. He doesn't see Stan as a girl or a boy. He just see's Stan. A beautiful person who he accepts with all his flaws included. He doesn't even blink an eye at Stan's confession of being anorexic. He accepts it and they continue on. They are a true definition of what it is to be in love which they show with the simplicity of their relationship. I loved how normal it was. They snuggle, talk, and watch TV. They hang out with their friends. They laugh, love, and live. Even when tragic strikes you never feel the love between these men falter. The love just grows stronger.

Tone.. I would read this mans book. MF, bring it on. I absolutely LOVED him. He was by far one of the best side characters in a book I have read this year. His relationship with Stan was precious. Stan needed a friend like him. He says and does things that makes others cringe but entertains Stan to no end. He's just a big old teddy bear and I adored him. <3

Although this book is surrounded by this romance, it also deals with some heavy issues of body image and eating disorders. It doesn't make the book feel heavy though. There is no angst and no real drama. Just a lovely story of how two people fell in love.

I highly recommend this one. It will for sure steal hearts like it did mine. <3

[Optimist ♰King's Wench♰ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reread 12/2019

Lovely is still an apropos description of this story. I'm not sure I loved it as much the second time around or not but I'm not going to alter the rating because I still heart the stuffing out of Stan, Ben and Tone.

I'm still infatuated with Martin's no fuss writing. Stan and Ben are smitten with each other right away and why should they play games about it? I find their honesty brave.

I have a theory as to what may have happened so now I just have to wait to see if I'm close. I'm also wondering how in the country flock Tone let this happen??? So hurry up, The Lost Boy!

Hurry. Up.

⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️⚫️

Original read 1/2017

Lovely

That's the best descriptor I can come up with for The Impossible Boy. There are no dramatics or angst. I literally just floated through it with the stupidest grin on my face.



Stanislav, born in Russia, quickly discovered his love for fashion and made a name for himself, has worked all over the world from New York to Milan and is now in London. Stan is beautiful. Not just regular beautiful but the drop dead gorgeous kind. He could've been a model, but instead has committed to fashion journalism.

In part one he meets Ben- part time bartender, tutor and lead guitarist for Ares, an indie band.

Their relationship evolves in the most natural and authentic ways, making it a joy to read. It's the simple things that make me happy. I like tactile couples, demonstrative couples, couples who don't hide how much they want to be together because they like the other person.

I watched them fall in love through Martin's narrative and it was beautiful and pure and simple in all the best ways.



Part two gets a little grittier giving weight to their relationship when they come face to face with Stan's mental illness. I really have to hand it to Martin because ordinarily this book would not have worked for me because it contains mental health issues, rock stars and gives a lot of sartorial details all of which I usually either avoid or get fussy over.

Let me give a little more explanation on why these 3 things worked for me.

Mental Illness
I usually avoid because day job. But Martin handled Stan's condition well as far as treatment and exposition go but also, how it makes he and Ben so perfect for each other. Their characterizations are strong yet subtle and as the narrative evolves it becomes clearer just how protective and possessive Ben is without being an alphahole. That it's part of his personality and therefore isn't likely to change which is good because Stan's always going to have this illness. And there will be times when he needs help, needs something to fight for, someone to fight for and that's ok because not only is he Ben's person but he's seamlessly incorporated into the merry band of misfit indie rockers, so he not only gains a partner but a family.

I also LOVED that there was never any doubt that they would make accommodations and adjustments for each other forever.

Rock stars
Meh. It's just not my gig. I think what worked for me here was there was less concerts and more back of the house rehearsals, creating music and band shenanigans. I also loved loved loved Tone! Tone is the jam. Everyone needs a Tone.

Sartorial pursuits
Too much outfitting normally has me skimming, but Stan's outward appearance gives insight into his gender fluidity that day so it's an important part of who he is and his characterization. I have to say taylorpotato is the only other author that explains gender issues not only this well but also without becoming didactic.

"He sees the girl and likes her, and can touch the boy and like him too. He doesn't try and make me 'fit' into any tick-box category. He just lets me be."

Words of caution
The sex is more intimate than explicit but Stan did don a pair of panties once *pupils dilate* and there's a size difference between them *squeaks* and Stan tends to be vocal. *growls* So... I ain't mad at it!

Also, it ends. I didn't want it to. I would not be upset were there to be a sequel. At all.

The two of them together made something, created something, and it was beautiful and unique and theirs.

Recommend to all romance addicts far and wide.

[Ele · Rating 5 out of 5]

“He sees the girl and likes her, and can touch the boy and like him too. He doesn’t try and make me ‘fit’ into any tick-box category. He just lets me be.”

Stanislav Novikov is many things. He's a fashion journalist. He's self-made and independant. He's stunningly beautiful. He's a boy and a girl. He's anorexic.

Ben is bisexual, and works as a bartender/ guitarist/tutor. He's all tattooed and badass on the outside, but soft as a marshmallow inside.

Stan's genderfluidity doesn't scare Ben off. On the contrary, he loves every part of Stan; the long, blond hair, the high heels, the make up. Ben practically worships Stan.

“I can’t offer you much,” Ben said, “but I can promise you a lot.[...]
When we figure out what our family and our future will look like, I’ll do whatever it takes to make that real for us.”

This is not just a simple story. This is a love story's timeline. It felt unique and amazing and I loved it so hard! The reader gets to experience the first time they lay eyes on each other, the first phonecall, the first date, the first kiss, the first EVERYTHING!

The pacing is perfect. The strong feelings between Stan and Ben develop naturally and are never in question. They fall and they fall hard. But Stan's demons are back and testing him once more. The question is, how will Ben react to this?

"I love you. Please. If you love me too, the only thing I want you to promise me is to never take the man I love away from me. Never take the man who made my life complete away. I would never be able to forgive you if you did that.”

Honestly, I cried a lot during the second part of the book. Despite that, the story is not overwhelmingly angsty. It's hopeful and real, sometimes even funny.

I loved the quiet times Stan and Ben spent together. I loved Stan doing his hair and make up and rocking these high heels like nobody's business! And I loved the characters. The secondary cast shines in this book. Tone, Ben's best mate, means a lot to the story. Stan found a family, people he can rely on instead of being on his own.

Bottom line, I highly recommend this book. It's my favorite Anna Martin to date, and Stan and Ben are two of my all time favorite characters.

"This lovemaking soothed him, and as they climaxed together, vibrating with shared pleasure, Stan found a part of himself clicking into place. He was a lover. A partner. The two of them together made something, created something, and it was beautiful and unique and theirs."

~Review cross-posted on Gay Book Reviews.~

[Shile (Hazard's Version) on-hiatus · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.35 stars

This book deserves some gushing, but i am too tired to write a proper gushing review.

I take back what i said about mm contemporary not being my thing. It is still my thing, just depends on the story.

The story of Ben and Stan is so well written and effortless. I found myself enjoying the words, no complications, no drama, just two strangers who meet at a bar, connect and become more.

The side characters fit so well into the story. I would love to read Tone's story.

Overall, it was a different enjoyable mm romance story.

Oh! and i spotted MANTIES!!!

[Jewel · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a perfect book to end one year and start the next. Gorgeous story telling. Characters that felt so real. I was absolutely captivated from the moment I picked it up.

Stanislav Novikov is a beautiful beautiful gender-fluid man. He wears makeup and feminine clothing and has long silky hair. He's a boy. He's a girl. He's Stan, and Ben loves all of him. Stan is a fashion writer, but he could easily be a model. However, Stan has battled anorexia since he was a young teen and he does not want anyone to idealize that. Plus, he's trying to live a more healthy lifestyle and modeling would likely put him smack in the middle of his eating disorder.

Ben Easton bartends and tutors and plays in a band. Ben doesn't exactly conform, either, having a mohawk, tattoos and wearing black, ripped up clothing. Ben is the kind of guy that wants to be who he is and also wants others to be who they are. He's a nurturer, through and through and Stan is beautiful and gorgeous and perfect to Ben, from the very start.

Ben and Stan's romance was gorgeous. It wasn't typical and there wasn't a bunch of unnecessary drama and angst. They're an ordinary couple who love quiet nights at home, cuddles on the couch, making love and just being with one another. That said, it wasn't always an easy read. Stan's anorexia is a serious issue and it's something he'll likely fight for the rest of his life. It isn't glossed over and it isn't treated flippantly, at all. And that is part of what makes The Impossible Boy just so good.

Also, In a year where gender identity has hit a high in the media, The Impossible Boy explores a different aspect of gender identity than what we commonly see. When Stan explains what being gender-fluid means to him, how it can be confusing, and not only learning how to express it, but also to accept and embrace it, we see another piece of the gender identity puzzle come into play. And never does it feel preachy or didactic.

And I know it is a little early in the year to say this, but I will be shocked if The Impossible Boy doesn't make my top 10 of 2017.

Definitely recommended.

--------------------
ARC of The Impossible Boy was generously provided by the publisher, in exchange for an honest review.

[Jan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oh boy. It took me so long to get into this. I pushed ---> 12% and pushed -- ->21% and pushed --->40% and halfway through I was still not sure about this. Half of my brain wanted me to DNF while the other half was saying,



The writing. My problem was the writing. Mea culpa I supposed. I came to realise that I find the 3rd person narrative complicated. It doesn't flow smoothly through my wires. The " he did this", "he asked that ", "he answered it" does my head in.

But I managed to finish it on a very positive note. As in I'll read The Lost Boy as soon as it goes live in a few days.

Two things kept me going:



1) The dynamic between Ben and Stan. I loved the way the author weaved the chemistry web between them. They felt right together.

2) Stan's health issues rung incredibly real to me.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is not your average love story.

I had my reservations on this one because the first line in the blurb said 'This is not your average love story.' and of course my response to that was...but is it? Is it really even a love story? So I read on and I became intrigued, curious and ultimately interested...so of course reading the book became inevitable. I needed to find out for myself...was this a love story and yes, we're going with my definition of love story vs romance because hey, it's my review.

I knew from the blurb that I wasn't getting your average couple. Stan is gender fluid and while he did indicate in the story that he essentially identified himself as 'male' it was also clearly and beautifully evident that he acknowledged and even embraced the side of himself that so obviously identified as 'female'. Stan is gender fluid and wonderfully so. While Stan's life has for so many reasons not been easy neither has he wallowed in pity over the hand he's been dealt. Stan has for all intents and purposes made the most of the opportunities that have come his way and turned himself into a fashion blogging success. His looks are stunning and he could easily rule the catwalks of Europe, but Stan's no fool either, he sees the pitfalls that the fashion industry holds and especially for someone who's already dealt with anorexia so he's quite happy with his life in fashion behind the scenes.

His personal life though that's another story. He's never known anyone who loved all of him...

who could see the girl and like her
and touch the boy and like him too...
until he walked into a bar and met Ben.

Ben's a tattooed, badass, wanna-be rocker. Who gets one look at Stan and he's a goner. He just doesn't know it...yet.

As much as I wanted to give this story 5 stars, in the end, I settled for 4 because for a fair chunk of this book I had a disconnect...not from Stan or Ben but from the actual story itself. There were moments when for want of a better word I was 'bored' I'd put the book down and wander off to other things but then I'd pick it back up and start reading and wonder 'why the hell I'd ever put it down?' and after awhile I'd put it down again and wonder off...so I'm really not sure if it was me or the book. Maybe it was just my mindset at the time and if this had only happened once or twice I probably would have attributed it to that but it took me 3 days to get through a book that I easily should have read in considerably less time so I'm sticking with the 4 stars and I'm also unrepentantly happy that I stuck with the book...because in the end it was a beautiful story that I'm glad I read.

'The Impossible Boy' wasn't a story about two people falling in love...well, ok it sort of was but the story also told so much more. Loving someone is just the beginning, it's the making it work and how you fit into each other's lives and how and when you make the compromises and how and when you can't or don't. There was so much depth to this story, so much more than a typical romance or even those rare love stories that make me sigh so contentedly at the end because I'm left feeling like what I read was real and tangible and enduring.

For me the biggest difference...the only real difference between a romance and a love story is how the story makes me, as a reader, feel, so you see it's a very personal thing...subjective, if you will. There's no right or wrong or good or bad here. Just a simple matter of opinion and in this case 'The Impossible Boy' felt like a love story. A well told love story of two people surrounded by a cast of wonderful characters.

There were so many beautiful moments in this story. Moments that spoke to the heart of how much Stan and Ben cared for each other without ever using the words I love you. But the one that stayed with me was Ben's and ironically it did involve the word love, but it was the totality of what he said that brought home to me, the depth of his feelings for Stan...

“There is no ‘what if,’” Ben said, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “I love you. That’s it. That has to be enough to make you want those things, Stan. I can’t give you any more than that. I love you. Please. If you love me too, the only thing I want you to promise me is to never take the man I love away from me. Never take the man who made my life complete away. I would never be able to forgive you if you did that.”

'The Impossible Boy' is more than just a story about falling in love. It's about finding love, making it work, fitting it into your life...in the good times and the bad, it's about fighting for it and believing in it. It's about the kind of love that gives meaning not just to the big moments but the little ones as well and it left me feeling like what I read was real and tangible and enduring.

********************

An ARC of 'The Impossible Boy' was graciously provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[.Lili. · Rating 5 out of 5]

After I had finished The Impossible Boy by Anna Martin , I was on the fence about the rating. The time lapses in the story seemed abrupt, and it kind of bugged me, so I decided to think about the story for a few days and before writing anything. The more I thought about it, the more I appreciated its message and importance.

This story is about Stan and Ben. Stan is genderfluid. He's a man and a woman. In the beginning, he has just moved to England to begin a new job. He works in the fashion industry and loves being a part of it except he would never model because he knows it puts to close to an old demon- anorexia. He was happy working in the background of the industry and determined to live a healthy lifestyle.

One night Stan ventures to a bar and meets Ben. Ben is bisexual; he's open and kind. On a whim, he leaves Ben his number and what ensues is beautiful romance. I'm going to stop here and go into the highlights even though my brain and fingers are itching for a full-on summary of the book.

My highlights:

-Relationship development. We were on this journey with them from the first moment they met. The progression it took felt natural, and it blossomed exquisitely.

-The characters. All of them- the main characters and supporting ones.

-The plot. I always love slice of life stories best. There's no evil villain lurking, no crime that needs to be solved. It's a story that is real. I loved that Anna Martin brought a spotlight to gender identity and eating disorders. She treated both subjects with the importance and understanding.

-Narration. It's told from a dual POV.

-Chemistry. These two were lovely together- no doubt they were meant to be.

-The end. It was realistic and left me feeling that everything will be ok. Ben and Stan are in it for the long haul.

My rating... I was initially going to go with 4 Stars<---which is by no means bad. But after thinking about it and as I typed my review I'm going with 4.9. I won't get preachy, but I believe that stories like these need to be told. Well done, Anna Martin!



ARC kindly provided by Dreamspinner Press to Gay Book Reviews

[Sabrina · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Stars


Anna Martin was right when she said that this isn't your average romance. The Impossible Boy was so much more than that and a story that will have you captivated from the very first page. Stan is neither a girl, nor a boy, instead he's what you may call gender-fluid; identifying as neither gender. Ben is the unicorn of a man that accepts him for how he is and loves him all the more for having the courage to live his life however he wants. But Stan also has issues that he's kept hidden from those around him and when they come out Ben will have to be the strong one in their relationship if he wants to keep Stan.

I really liked that this wasn't your typical story and I'm not even honestly sure that I can shelve it as an MM, though I will just to keep organized. Instead of just getting the usual MM story, we're delivered this book packed full of everyday issues that many people out there face, and we're forced to see life through their eyes. I love that this author wasn't afraid to go in this direction and I liked the book all the more for that reason.

As much as I liked the book, though, I did have my issues. I felt that the relationship between Ben and Stan went from dating to serious rather quickly and it gave me a bit of whiplash to where I felt like I missed something. I liked them together, I just wish we had seen more of it, especially when it got around to Ben having to be there for Stan in a big way. Since I didn't see too much of a connection between them up until that point it kind of took the emotions out of the second half of the story.

Near the end it got to the point where I felt like we were more told how Stan struggled rather than shown. I wanted to see that pain and how he started to grow from it rather than be told that it was happening.

Bottom line, I was very intrigued by this story and I'm glad I gave it a chance. Even though I had my issues with the characters I still enjoyed getting their story and it is definitely a book that I would recommend to anyone willing to try something a bit different.

[Dia · Rating 2 out of 5]

I finally finished this one, after 2 years. The first time I picked it up I started buddy reading it with my best friend and I have to admit I just couldn't finish it. I stopped at 40%. 2 years later I came back to it, hoping I will find something to entertain me. Sadly it didn't happen, and I struggled to finish it.

My complains: too many descriptions - the pub, the restaurant, Stan's flat, his hair and clothes and everything around them, and so little dialogue... I also didn't feel the connection between the characters, their story felt flat to me. And I really really tried to like it, but it just didn't happen.

As I usually force myself to finish each and every book, I did the same with this one, even if we do get some angst at about 60%. I haven't read many stories where a character was anorexic or had eating disorders, so this was interesting, but still I would have wanted much more.

This book was definitely not my cup of tea. I felt nothing while reading it. No sparks between the characters. Nothing. Not even the story made me curious to know what happens next. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't connect with this author's writing style or the story.

[Jilly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, the blurb was right. This isn't your average love story. I'm feeling pretty good about the blurb writer on this one. I bet they don't even get enough credit for nailing it. So, let me say it for all of us


I was looking for a "good job" gif, but then I found this and it's too cute to pass up. Maybe next time, blurb-guy. Maybe next time.

But, seriously, this book deals with very heavy and important issues like gender identity, sexual orientation, and eating disorders. It's deep stuff. And yet it still managed not to be dark or depressing. Just honest.

Stan is one of our MC's and he is gender-fluid. Sometimes he dresses feminine and sometimes masculine. It is all about the day. He is also anorexic and has to continually battle this disorder. I don't know much about anorexia, but it seemed like the representation of the disease was done well. There were never scenes of when he was acting out in the behavior, but there were the consequences. It was tough to realize how much the people who struggle with it go through. I like that the book was bold enough to resist him being magically cured and showed some of the horrors without horrifying us. It was well done.

Stan:


Ben is the secondary MC. He's bisexual and has that hard-rocker vibe. He accepts Stan just as he is and is equally attracted to him as either male or female. Ben is like a unicorn or something with the way he handles everything. It's almost like he can't be real, he's so good and pure. I mean, okay, he's not. But, we can wish....

Ben:


This story was beautiful and deep with sweet moments and great side-characters. Plus, just different. Which is nice.

[Garrett Leigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely adored this book. I don't often get around to reading the books I design covers for, despite my best intentions, but boy am I glad I made time for this one. The image the author sent me for Stan fascinated me from the start, and the book itself did not disappoint.

As a cis woman, I can't comment on the authenticity of the trans elements, but I was utterly captivated by Stan and mesmerised by Anna Martin's hypnotic and beautiful writing style.

The Impossible Boy is a book that will stay with me for a long time.

[Susan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked the premise of this book so much that I bought it on release day and started reading immediately. I got to 40% and then put it down. But even though I didn’t really like it, I wanted so much to like it, that I picked it up again, determined to like it, damn it.

But it wasn’t meant to be…

The first 50% of this story read like the author was ticking off a list.
- The meeting
- The exchange of phone numbers
- The date
- The kiss
- The sex
- The relationship
- The love

And when Stan and Ben talked about important stuff like Stan being gender-fluid or anorexic, it came out of nowhere for me. They both didn’t think about these subjects before. They just talked about it and after that it’s back to the not thinking about it.

Stan didn’t seem to have much thoughts at all. Stan was gender-fluid, struggled with anorexia, got a new job, found the love of his life, enough things to think about I would say. But we found out what he looked like, what he wore, how his hair shines, what purse he brings to work, but no real inner thoughts or struggles.

Stan just started his new job and in the first week he wears a dress to work. I read about the color of the dress and how tight it was, but what I really wanted to read about was how Stan’s colleagues reacted to him wearing a dress. They could be open-minded or bigoted as shit, but I wanted to know! Stan told us people react differently to him, but I didn’t read about one single person in this book reacting differently to him at all. Everyone accepted him and liked him. Which is fine, but also a little strange and unrealistic.

I have to admit I picked it up again because I heard there was some hurt/comfort going on, but darn what a letdown that was for me.

When Ben comes back from his tour with his band, he finds Stan in the hospital. No reading about Stand struggling without Ben, nothing about what happened and how he got there. Only what he tells Ben later on. If I have to hurt for one of my book characters I would appreciate if you would let me be there when it happens. Not try to pull me in after the fact.

I got one more niggle and then I’ll shut up and you can all ignore this ranty review and keep on loving this book to death. ;)

I never once felt as if Ben really liked being in a band. He even told people that it’s not his dream. And when he wanted to quit, his friend Tone wouldn’t let him. I felt as if Ben was roped into it and not that happy, but since no one wanted to let him go, he stayed.

I’m still sad I didn’t like this more. I really do like the premise. And I have enjoyed other books by Anna Martin before. So don’t let this review keep you from reading this book. It’s just one opinion in a sea of 5 star reviews…

[Snjez · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is quite different from what I'm used to reading in this genre, but I ended up enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would. It's so tender and sweet.

*************
Re-read 1/2020: The writing style may not be my favourite, but I still think it's a very sweet story. Love those two.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mark my words: The Impossible Boy is going to end up being one of my favourite - if not my very favourite - book of 2017.

[Karla · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 lovemyimpossibleboys stars!!



Absolutely loved this book, so freaking much!!



"The Impossible Boy" was emotional, sweet and tender, funny at times, captivating, it just blew me away and yes! that's how much I loved it. I loved how Stan and Ben meet in an random encounter at the bar where Ben works. I think my favorite part is seeing the beginning of their relationship, how they went out in their dates. It was just so lovely, they were so adorable especially Ben, he was just so attentive. Stan, was a bit reserved but knowing his background I understood him. But he then starts to open up to Ben, and giving into his feelings for him it was crazy good. Ben/Stan had the most amazing sexual chemistry imo, their emotions were just so intense.



They go through their up and downs of course, especially for Stan, who is battling his own demons, it was heartbreaking. But Ben always a constant in his life, loving him and being patient. The secondary characters were amazing as well, especially Tone, Sherrie, and Kirsty. This is definitely a new favorite of mine and a total re read.❤

[Jo * Smut-Dickted * · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely eloquent writing lets you peel back layers here like the finest fruit. Comfortable and disquieting at the same time, The Impossible Boy part I is really about finding and falling in love - not a lot of angst but lots of feeling. Part II is the hard stuff - real work happens here.

It is a hard book for me to read as an anorexic. Lots of memories in this one that got brought to the forefront - so I'm sure my emotional reading might very well be hurt/comfort and dedication to another. For me it felt personal - journeys crossing. The really scary thing is I'm 50- and one might think the draw to control via food is long gone but it's a struggle all the time. Years, therapy, and willpower have muted it but it is not, nor will it ever be, truly conquered.

[Jenni Lea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just lovely

Sweet, heartwarming and thoughtful, this love story is for your favorites shelf for sure. This is one that I'll remember for a long time.

[Marte - Thunderella · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wish I could give this book a higher rating. I was captured by the blurb and what it promised this story could be. There are too few books out there which feature gender fluidity, so I was looking forward to this one. Unfortunately I didn't enjoy this as much as I had hoped. There are several reasons why it didn't work for me.

I felt I only got to know Ben and Stan on the surface. There was little going deeper than that. Everything was described, they met, they talked, they exchanged phone numbers, they went on dates, started dating, had sex, moved in together, and hung out with Ben's friends in the band. There was little about how it all made them feel. It's all so straight forward, nothing challenging the progress of the story. I felt I didn't get to know them, what made them tick, what made them fall in love with each other and so on. I didn't feel them. It made for a uninteresting read, unfortunately. Ben and Stan's first time having sex felt so bland. I didn't have much emotional connection to them, since I hadn't been privy to their thoughts. I felt I was on the outside looking in, and only reading about them having sex for the first time, but didn't feel them having it. I really missed that connection.

There were a lot of descriptions of how Stan looked, what he was wearing, what kind of makeup he was wearing, how he did his makeup, his hair, what he was eating (and wasn't eating), when he got to work, when he left work and so on.

"With his hair already partly dry, there was no point in trying to make it smooth and straight. With some moouse and scrunching and his hairdryer on a low heat, he teased rough curls from the unruly strands and let the hairstyle lead the rest of his outfit choices. Slightly mussed was a look he could do. He mentally picked out tight black jeans, high-top sneakers, and a loose, low-cut tank top, because it was going to be a warm day, he could tell already. A smoky eyeshadow and sketchy kohl liner, a quick slick of mascara, all on top of his usual base (..)"

I felt like I was getting styling advise, instead of getting to know Stan as a person. I really wanted to know how he felt about all this. I loved the fact that he dressed differently, like a boy, or a girl, or a mix, but I missed Stan's inner dialogue thoughts behind all the descriptions. Stan was an interesting character, and had so much potential to be explored, but I never got to know what was going on inside his head, only what he looked like on the outside.

There's also emphasis on different brands of makeup, clothes, shoes, bags and such. Maybe fashion and makeup says a lot about a person, but I don't speak fashion and makeup, so I sometimes felt stupid for not knowing what the big deal was. I felt like my obliviousness was kinda shoved in my face.

"He rummage in his bag--okay, it was more than a bag, it was a Chloé, but he got it on sale and no one needed to know--and handed her a ten-pound note (....)"

I have no idea what's big about Chloé. It's a bag brand I recon? Is it an exclusive and expensive design? Why didn't anyone need to know? Why was it important for Stan to point this out? I'm not interest in brands (as you can tell), so descriptions like that made me feel left out. Why couldn't the brand have been subtly written in to the sentence, like "he rummaged in his Chloé bag, which he had made a great deal on sale" or something like that.

Stan's opinion related to fashion annoyed me when he gave me his opinion of it relating to Ben.

"Stan packed his iPad in his backpack before they left--his designer, tan leather backpack, not the scrappy thing Ben often used--and pulled it out to entertain himself (...)"

There's nothing wrong with a scruffy backpack, even though Stan thinks so. When Stan and Ben was discussing transitioning and hormone therapy, which Stan considered at one point in the past, he came off as standoffish and condescending. I didn't like that at all.

"We [Stan and his therapist] were talking about the side effects, and I couldn't do it."
"Which side effects?"
"The putting-on-weight ones," Stan said. He grinned up at Ben ruefully (...) "She told me I'd start gaining weight on my hips and ass and chest and that just freaked me out. I got the prescription and everything, sat there with the box on my lap, wondering what the fuck was going to happen to me."
"Are breasts that scary?" Ben teased.
"Yes! Especially when they were going to be attached to me. It was the fat aspect of it. I'd spent years trying to control the shape of my body, and I'd been so successful at it. Those drugs were going to change me, and there wasn't anything I could do about it. All my wishing for a more feminine shape was right there in a white box and my fears stopped me from taking that step."

... so being a woman equals being fat then? O__o

When Stan's anorexia flairs up again, it was very sudden. From one paragraph to the next he went from being perfectly fine (in Stan's way, anyway) to being in the hospital fighting for his life. I really wanted to know how he came to be there! What happened leading up to it?

All in all, I felt I was missing a lot. There was a lot of potential here. I really wished I could have gotten a stronger emotional connection with the characters. I actually ended up loving Ben's friend, Tone, the most. He felt really fleshed out, even though he was "only" a secondary character. I loved the advice he gave, and how important he got to be for both Ben and Stan, and the story all together.


I wish I could have enjoyed Ben and Stan's story more than I did. It had great potential, but I felt it didn't manage to live up to it's promise.

[Belle · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are already many great reviews for this book. I absolutely loved it. Ben and Stan's relationship was beautiful and tender. I fell in love with both of them. Loved how Ben loved Stan completely and without reservation. I love reading about gender fluid characters. Also I can't forget about Tone! He was just incredible. <3

[Suki Fleet]

I identify as gender-fluid, and I like reading stories with gender-fluid characters. That aspect of this story was v enjoyable, esp. the whole gender-fluid convo in the middle^^

[Elsa Bravante · Rating 4 out of 5]

Le doy 4 por la pareja protagonista, le daría un 3 al libro y un 2 a la autora.

Stan es un hombre gender-fluid, Ben es bisexual, se enamoran y yo hace tiempo no me enfadaba tanto leyendo un libro por lo que la autora hace con la historia.

Durante el primer 70% del libro nuestros protagonistas se enamoran, Ann Martin nos permite formar parte de ello, vemos cómo se conocen, su primer mensaje, su primera conversación telefónica, su primera cita..., todo tan real y tan romántico... Sentimos la fuerza y de la vulnerabilidad de Stan y la nobleza de Ben, es hermosísimo ser testigos de su amor, tan sencillo y tan real, y hermosísimo es también ver esa amistad que crece entre Stan y Tone y cómo esta nos permite entender la sexualidad y el género de Stan sin que el lector tenga la sensación de que le están dando una lección de sexualidad.

Este 70% me mantuvo enganchada al libro con un suspiro en la boca, aunque no fuera perfecto, aunque creyera que era necesario un poco más de profundidad en la historia de Stan. Aun con sus posibles faltas estaba totalmente metida en la historia. Y de repente, la autora da un giro hacia el final, un giro no muy sorprendente y que no me desagradó, pero sí su forma de resolverlo. Todo lo que se sentía real en las páginas anteriores ahora no vale para nada al resolver todo Ann Martin con un toque de cuento de hadas totalmente inverosimil. Ann, te has cargado el libro justo al final, todo por lo que merecía la pena, todas esas escenas cotidianas llenas de amor, no era necesario ese final, no era necesario el toque hollywoodiense, nada de eso era necesario, con lo bonito que es que la gente corriente con sus problemas corrientes consigue la felicidad. ENORME MEH PARA ESE FINAL.

¿Lo recomendaría? Supongo que sí, y ojalá que más autores se atrevieran con protagonistas como Stan en lugar de explotar una y otra vez lo mismo cien mil veces ya visto. Hay más vida que los ass, fuck y dicks everywhere.

[Ami · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 rounded up. *covers face to block stones*
Hear me out....

I loved this book because:
*Non-Binary characters are rare and I wish there were many more of them. Stan is gorgeously portrayed as gender-fluid and I loved every second of it. Absolutely loved the descriptions, Stan's explanations about himself and his gender, and how he is responded to by other characters. Pieces of this should be used as a teaching tool for gender studies. Well well done.
*Sexuality
My name is Camille and I'm a fictional sex addict: No, there was not enough sex for me because I like sex in my books. Lots of it and in great painstaking detail. That being said I really enjoyed the sexy scenes. The gender-fluid aspect turned all my knobs and opened up a world I had not read about.
I LOVED LOVED how these characters spoke about sexual boundaries. A+++
*I will always be grateful for a book that takes on mental illness and gives it the respect it deserves. Yes, some of the aspects of this theme were confusingly laced together for me in this book but I do not care.

I give this book 2.5 stars because:
*In the beginning the characters read like a dating profile.
It goes something like this - Character A likes x,y,z. Their hobbies are x,y,z. To sum up their past x,y,z.
I have notes running through the book saying things like, "Why do these people like each other?" Not that they shouldn't or wouldn't but I feel like I missed the point where chemistry happened.
I have one note here where I am apparently speaking to Stan. "Why why do you think he is going to blow your mind. Why. Makes no sense. Nothing leading me to believe this is going to blow your mind."
*It was a chore to read and I feel horrible saying that, and now I want to climb under a rock because who the hell am I to say that but it's true. Ugh. I just didn't get into it. Connections were missed all over the place for me.

Anna Martin - Your book is fucking awesome and revolutionary in terms of gender expression. I missed the boat and that should stop no one from reading this.

[Chelsea · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 hearts

Tag Teamed with my fellow Aussie Fantasy!!

“I think I’m falling in love, Stan.”
“I think I am too.”

I was so looking forward to reading this, I adore gender-fluid characters. I find their strength is always so inspiring and….. quite simply... I love men in dresses!



What really made this book was the characters. Both Ben and Stan are such unique and complicated people but I’ll start with Stan.

Stan is only 22 but has lived the life of a 40 year old. He was born in Russia, where being homosexual was ‘not spoken of’, let alone being gender-fluid or transgender. He had a lot of growing up and self discovery to do very fast. He’s also stunningly beautiful and was drawn to the fashion industry.

Stan. Jesus, that man could start wars. Like a modern-day Helen of Troy. It seemed like everything had come together when his DNA was being formed— the angels were singing and created a perfect balance of cheekbones, angled jaw, sparkling grey eyes, and long, long blond hair. Like a fucking mermaid.

Being in the fashion industry doesn’t help when he’s already suffered from anorexia at the young age of 13, which unfortunately is relatively common for gay adolescents. He is confronted with his illness in part two of the book, but despite this the story isn’t heavy on the angst. Stan is an optimist and is always wanting to improve and better his life, and he does that with Ben.

Ben, oh Ben you are my new book boyfriend, although you may need to fight it out with Tone because he is freakin amazing!

“You’re a nice guy. And a mate. And a really hot girl, which is confusing, but I won’t make a pass at you ’cos Ben would knock my teeth out if I tried.”

Ben is such a normal guy, he swears, he's messy, he doesn’t have much ambition in his life and is happy just cruising along. But he’s completely unfazed by Stan and loves him wholeheartedly from the beginning.

“He sees the girl and likes her, and can touch the boy and like him too. He doesn’t try and make me ‘fit’ into any tick-box category. He just lets me be.”

This isn’t insta-love though. This relationship takes a good realistic pace for people who just click well together.

The first half of the book was super sweet and I enjoyed it… but it was just too slow for me. Not much happened, there was no conflict or anything amazingly interesting developing in their relationship. I didn't always feel the emotion coming from Stan and Ben. I felt like I was reading about it at times instead of experiencing it, if that makes sense. The second half was better, with much more emotion evident from both characters.

This story was super sweet. It deals with heavy themes in a very sensitive way without weighing the book down with angst and pain. This was essentially a love story between a normal average guy, and a guy who has worked hard to find his own ‘normal’.

[Ariana (mostly offline) · Rating 5 out of 5]

*4,5 stars*

Gender identity is not as simple as just ticking a 'male' or 'female' box. There are many people who can't simply be squeezed into this ready made categories. There was a National Geographic documentary on TV about it a week ago, and I was mortified to see how society has dealt with this 'problem' so far.

So books like this are important and valuable for all of us to become more aware and hopefully more tolerant.

Stan is beautiful, in fact drop dead gorgeous. But he doesn't define as a man or a woman. He is somewhere ... in the middle. He is both feminine (LOL, the image of his dressing table overflowing with make up made me giggle) but also very masculine at the same time.
When I was searching for a fitting picture, I came across this male model and I actually gasped out loud, because this IS Stan, I think, in essence. (I wonder if the author had this guy in mind when she wrote her story? Btw, this guy has now transitioned to being a woman.)







I adored Stan, his determination to be who he is without bending to the 'rules' of our society. The price he pays for it is heavy. My heart ached at his previous 'get-it-over with' sexual experiences and at his fight with anorexia.

I loved how Stan and Ben simply fit. Ben isn't one for judging, for 'overthinking' things - he sees Stan, he really likes him just the way he is and that's the end of it. Ben is a nurturer, a caring man whose MO is looking after people, and he is the most genuinely nice, honest and kind guy.





The romance between these two guys felt totally realistic and was really swoon-worthy. They date first, their attraction grows, they kiss and cuddle and then...after talking about it, they make the conscious step to go for more. And it is lovely how considerate they are in the way they treat each other. It was just ... sigh... lovely.

It also has to be mentioned that there is a really great supporting cast here. Most of all Tone, Ben's best friend. I would love to see him getting a book for himself! What a stellar guy!

Yes, the themes of the book are serious, and the author deals exceedingly well with those, but the romance and the love story are always at the centre. It's an awesome book. Don't miss out on it.

Highly recommended.

[Dalia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a book without angst so much. There were lovely characters, a beautiful romance and no drama. It was just so heartwarming and had that something special that made me want even more. A simply delightful, highly recommended story.