All Happy Families

by Jeanne Mcculloch

The Glass Castle meets The Nest in this stunning debut, an intimate family memoir that gracefully brings us behind the dappled beachfront vista of privilege, to reveal the inner lives of two wonderfully colorful, unforgettable families.

On a mid-August weekend, two families assemble for a wedding at a rambling family mansion on the beach in East Hampton, in the last days of the area’s quietly refined country splendor, before traffic jams and high-end boutiques morphed the peaceful enclave into the "Hamptons." The weather is perfect, the tent is in place on the lawn.

But as the festivities are readied, the father of the bride, and "pater familias" of the beachfront manse, suffers a massive stroke from alcohol withdrawal, and lies in a coma in the hospital in the next town. So begins Jeanne McCulloch’s vivid memoir of her wedding weekend in 1983 and its after effects on her family, and the family of the groom. In a society defined by appearance and protocol, the wedding goes on at the insistence of McCulloch’s theatrical mother. Instead of a planned honeymoon, wedding presents are stashed in the attic, arrangements are made for a funeral, and a team of lawyers arrive armed with papers for McCulloch and her siblings to sign.

As McCulloch reveals, the repercussions from that weekend will ripple throughout her own family, and that of her in-law’s lives as they grapple with questions of loyalty, tradition, marital honor, hope, and loss. Five years later, her own brief marriage ended, she returns to East Hampton with her mother to divide the wedding presents that were never opened.

Impressionistic and lyrical, at turns both witty and poignant, All Happy Families is McCulloch’s clear-eyed account of her struggle to hear her own voice amid the noise of social mores and family dysfunction, in a world where all that glitters on the surface is not gold, and each unhappy family is ultimately unhappy in its own unique way.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, New York, Family, Autobiography, Biography Memoir

240 pages, Hardcover

First published August 14, 2018

Reviews

[Laura · Rating 1 out of 5]

This memoir about life in a very wealthy family -- including the rather, um, odd events surrounding the author's wedding -- would have been fine as a New Yorker long piece, as long as it had been limited to the wedding itself. But it's nowhere near interesting enough for a full-length memoir and the writing is pedestrian. And I'll be honest: in this day and age, I really don't give a flying fuck about the first-world problems suffered by the .01 percent.

[Robbie Z · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked this up at the library and thought the introduction was intriguing. I had not read any reviews and was not familiar author, Jeanne McCulloch, upon whose life this book was based. I started to put the book down several times, but kept trudging along. I found the book extremely depressing and kept hoping for an upbeat message or lesson learned; however, I was disappointed. The McCulloch family was apparently really, really wealthy from inheritances and neither of the parents needed to work. There seemed to be no end to the abundance of funds and this family lived with means to which most of us cannot relate. Jeanne's father was somewhat likable in an eccentric way, but Jeanne's mother was portrayed as a very selfish, class-conscious woman. She dominated the story, as she seemed to dominate her family, but was treated with honor by her children and friends throughout her lifetime. This was a memoir, and life is not always happy. But, I turned the last page feeling like I had spent too much time learning the details of this privileged, self-indulgent family.

[Marika · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir is a true mashup of The Glass Castle and The Nest. Living a life that only the privilege that wealth can bring. A life where one doesn't need, or have to work for a living. A life of endless leisure and the only worry is where to spend the holidays. Of course, that is only on the surface that the world sees. The true picture is one where your father begins everyday at 8 am with can of Budweiser, and ends with a heartbreak that no amount of money can insulate you from. Side note, the Beales of Grey Garden fame were neighbors of this family, who they called the crazy cat ladys. That kind of rich.

I read an advance copy and was not compensated.

[Crystal Zavala · Rating 4 out of 5]

"The Glass Castle meets The Nest", this description to draw people into reading this memoir is not accurate. The only comparable correlation to The Glass Castle is alcoholism. As a child of alcoholics, I understand that alcoholism causes trauma, but the trauma described in All Happy Families is in no way similar to the trauma in The Glass Castle. All that being said, I did enjoy All Happy Families.

All Happy Families follows the events leading up to and after Jeanne McColloch's wedding. Jeanne was raised in the wealthy socialite society of New York City in the 1970's. They had a home in the Hampton's and traveled the world. Jeanne's mother was a snob and her father was an alcoholic. Appearances were everything. Jeanne's father falls into a coma right before her wedding when he quit drinking abruptly. The wedding goes forward without regard to the patriarch being in the hospital in the next town.
The wedding causes ripples in Jeanne's family and her new husband's family.

As someone who didn't come from a wealthy family, reading about the lives of those who did is fascinating. It's also a great reminder that dysfunction happens in every family despite appearances.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

"The Glass Castle meets The Nest"? Yes, please! This memoir is centered on the author's wedding at the family enclave in the Hamptons (early 80s) and the drama that unfolds when her father has a stroke from alcohol withdrawal. Of course, it's not really what happened at the wedding, but about everything that happened before. I have a weird penchant for messed up rich people memoirs so this was right up my alley (they have enough money that the dad just spends his days translating stuff). Just a very compelling peak into these peoples' lives. The father, for all his faults, is a devastating figure, more so by the end. Well-written. I wish the author had narrated this.

[Juliette · Rating 2 out of 5]

During the time of global pandemic, this memoir felt more like escapist fiction. The author is from a very wealthy family (childhood Park Avenue apartment, a summer home called Children at Play next to Grey Gardens (!) in East Hampton, parents who didn't have jobs, a constant team of household staff...) and now works at Tin House Books. Her memoir is a dissection of a childhood spent with an alcoholic father, her narcissistic (yet wildly entertaining and glamorous) mother, and her father's stroke just before her 1980s wedding. She analyzes her family's woes, and the woes of her bridegroom's family (picture-perfect Maine folks). She seems to want us to know that even with wealth, one can feel unhappy (hence the Tolstoy quote "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."), but it's hard to fully connect when reading about such a privileged life. Imagine a fully-catered and chartered boat ride to illegally disburse the author's father's ashes on a stunning lake in Switzerland. The same trip happens again after her mother passes away, so their ashes can linger forever. Romantic? Sure. Out of touch? YES. This felt like a long Vogue magazine article, which I will admit was quite enjoyable while reading outside on a lawn chair in the shade. Sadly, no kitchen staff refilled my iced tea, but I survived.

[Rose · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was billed as The Glass Castle meets The Nest. It was not even close! Yes, it is about a wealthy family (The Nest), but it doesn't come close to the dysfunctional family and the ability to rise above one's upbringing so beautifully depicted in The Glass Castle. The only comparison is that both of the authors were magazine editors.
This story is about a very wealthy family with a summer home in the Hamptons. It begins with preparations for a wedding. A tragedy occurs, but the wedding goes on. The book details the relationships in the bride's and groom's families. But, I didn't care for any of them. I really had no interest in their superficial lives. Glad it was short!

#AllHappyFamilies #JeanneMcCullogh

[Gregory · Rating 3 out of 5]

In August 1983, just as 25-year-old Jeanne McCulloch was about to wed college boyfriend Dean Jackson, her wealthy father had a massive stroke. As he lay dying in a coma, his wife Pat insisted that the lavish wedding she’d planned go on as scheduled the following day. From that unsettling beginning, this 2018 memoir takes readers inside the unhappy marriages of the bride’s and groom’s very different parents.

The author, a former managing editor at The Paris Review, knows fine writing and storytelling, and there are flashes of both throughout the very readable 240 pages. When not traveling the globe with her wealthy parents, she grew up in a Park Avenue penthouse and beachfront East Hampton summer house complete with tennis court and full staff. Neither parent worked, thanks to father John’s huge inheritance from a grandfather’s partnership with Thomas Edison. Instead, throughout her childhood, he spent each morning at home indulging an insatiable thirst for learning new languages and the rest of the day indulging his thirst for scotch, falling ever deeper into alcoholism.

The author blames her mother Patricia for insisting he sober-up cold turkey the week before the wedding, causing his fatal stroke. In fact, the book opens with nonstop caustic observations about her thin-skinned tantrums, snobbish putdowns, fake British accent with underlings and references to herself in the third person.

Far from rebelling against any of this, McCulloch and her two sisters adopt a self-preservation strategy of “retreat” in the face of their domineering mother’s behavior. Fresh out of college, the author and her fiancé frequent his seemingly idyllic coastal Maine hometown, guests of his doting parents, Raymond and Helen. Jeanne dreams of an alternate future in “white-picket-fence” New England, modeled on their 35-year-long marriage. When that marriage implodes soon after her own wedding, her disbelief drives her even to obtain and quote at length from their journals. But when, after just five years, Dean walks out on Jeanne, it merits far less analysis or exposition. Something about clashing work schedules and tastes in kitchen appliances? Once again, she appears to mutely accept her fate rather than show any agency.

Though you wouldn’t know it from this book, its 1980s’ setting was scarred by AIDS, crack addiction, soaring urban crime and income inequality, Reaganomics and the worst recession since the 1930s. Pages and pages are devoted to filler on everything from banal musings with her mother about unused wedding gifts and ball gowns in their attic to proper clambake preparations. But the only passing mention of the wider world is in what, to me, is the book’s most dubious paragraph, claiming: “we marched for civil rights and women’s rights”… “But in the gilded ballrooms of Manhattan, in true Gatsbyesque fashion, the band played on.” On present evidence, none of the all-white cast of one-percenters here were concerned with anything but themselves.

[Jennifer Jackson · Rating 3 out of 5]

All Happy Families
Jeanne McCulloch
⭐️⭐️⭐️

This was a memoir, if you want to look into the lives of rich people whose lives and appearances matter before the health of loved ones, or the sexuality of family members….Money is more important than love to these people!


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[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Being raised in and raising my family as middle class, or working poor if you will, I always felt that money really might buy happiness. I felt my finances, or lack thereof, was the root of what some would call a dis-functional life. As a child worrying that my dad might one day get enough and leave, or my mother was truly sick and going to die, left a deep seated dread that something was always about to go wrong, and if I only had money, I could provide security from the hurts life brings. Ms. McCulloch has removed those misconceptions, money would have made no difference at all. She has portrayed herself and her family in stark prose that is proof positive that money does indeed not buy happiness. The struggle its self if simply life. Funny in places and sad and disappointing in others. She has opened her heart to readers in a fresh and entertaining way. Well done. A good read.

[Carolyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful and dark. The writing is gorgeous and the family is so clearly described.

[Bethany · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Even as an adult, the child of an alcoholic forgets how to speak; or, more accurately, loses the belief that their words have any power to make a difference or to matter."

"What in the protocol of love takes romance to this prcipice, where decisions about death are made with an eye toward eternal union."

"That's what every marriage out to be, at any rate, the perfect marriage everyone aspires to. A long and intricate dance between present and past, moving always together in step toward the future."

It's a bit hard to describe this book. I adored it, and although Jeanne Mccolloch's life was in no way similar to mine, a lot of her experiences shined through and hit me close to home. I grew up with an alcoholic father, and the way she describes what they are like to live with was so poignant that I had to set the book down. The way she describes marriage, both happy marriages and the marriages that completely fell apart surrounding the occasion of her wedding was also incredible.

The general mood of the book is melancholic. Towards the end there is the general air of true sadness and mourning, but all in all it's a memoir about slow loss. Of something you've build for ages slowly falling apart. It was truly an incredible book, one that I recommend to anyone. The fact that it doesn't go in narrative order or follow one distinct line makes perfect sense for the story she is trying to tell. By the time I finished, I ached for her.

Definitely a book that's worth a read!

[Holly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Slow, tedious, and all but devoid of narrative tension. McCulloch repeatedly does something that drains the dramatic tension from the stories she tells: she starts with a spoiler about how things are going to turn out. For instance, the very first chapter announces that the narrator's father is in the ICU dying after a stroke and so can't come to her wedding.

It's horrible and it sucks. Declaring that up front is supposed to make readers curious about how this situation occurred, but the backstory is not nearly as interesting as this huge conflict--or at least McCulloch's narration fails to make it interesting. The pacing is so plodding and dull. And then she does the same thing again with the dissolution of marriages: tells you they're over at the get-go, and then starts over and explains how they end--but not in a way that makes the dissolution all that compelling.

On top of which these characters are pretty flat, with the exception of McCulloch's mother, who is depicted as a nasty bitch. It's like the mother indulges in so many emotions that there are few left over for anyone else.

I was also very disturbed that McCulloch spends so much time detailing the dysfunction of her husband's family. I used to teach courses on memoir and autobiography, and a topic that came up often is the ethics of telling your family's stories in the process of telling your own. It's one thing to air the dirty laundry in your own family of origin and drag skeletons out of your ancestral closets; it's another to spend dozes and dozens of pages recounting painful events in the lives of people whom you know only because you married their relative. I honestly don't think I've seen anyone do it before, and I'm glad, because I think it's unethical.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good story of families and their love for each other despite their oddities/dysfunctionality. The protagonists mother was annoying AF as a person, but I still enjoyed the read and am thankful she's not MY mom.

[Barbara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would describe this as one very melancholy memoir. It opens with the author's memories of her wedding day, one eclipsed by tragedy when her father dies unexpectedly. It's her years later account of being raised in a wealthy, privileged family, fortunate enough to have a prestigious address overlooking NYC's Park Avenue as well as a summer home in the Hamptons, before the Hamptons were even called The Hamptons. Most of the book's anecdotes are concentrated there at the seaside mansion, a place her father purchased with the hope, he said, that it would be an anchor and genesis for many happy family memories for her and her sisters. And while there were some sprinkled recollections of idyllic, carefree childhood days spent by the sand and sea among siblings, cousins and other family friends, mostly it's a story about failed marriages and loss. It's a study of contrasts between her perceptions of her own family life, one experienced as the child of an idle rich father quietly drinking himself to death in his coexistence with her imperious, self-absorbed and often acid-tongued mother- and that of her husband's seemingly enviably close knit family. I won't spoil with details about the demises of the other main marriages in the book, except to say the author gives very few actual clues or insights into those unravelings herself. Other than that, there's an occasional wry pearl of wisdom about love, life and relationships attributed her mother-in-law and a few to her own parents, but nothing I would call an abiding blueprint for living. Probably that wasn't the point. It was a memoir, a peek into a kind of wealth and leisure most of us will never know, coupled with familiar enough tales of family dysfunction and sorrow I found almost as gloomy in its closing pages as in its opening ones.

[Margaret Galbraith · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m still not too sure about this book despite it being a memoir about the author which I generally enjoy. I mostly liked it as it’s very interesting to read of those with wealth but also sad that some do not have a happy life. On the outside they seem to have it all but on the inside is a whole different ball game. Keeping up appearances seems to be more import than the family’s happiness. I could not help but feel shock at the mother ring the hospital to say if the father died on the night before or on the day of his daughter’s wedding not to ring the house under any circumstances. The mother is at times very cold but then again probably thinking of her daughter and not wanting to mess up the wedding plans. I had stopped reading a couple of times but I’m not sure if it was due to being on sick leave or just sheer boredom. This was a proof read so it would be interesting to see how much is not included in the finished copy?
Basically it consists of two families both rather wealthy but rather dysfunctional in New York planning a lavish wedding in the garden of their family mansion on the beach in East Hampton. The story goes back and forth giving insight into why the mother and father still live together but are no longer together due to his alcoholism. Sadly that breaks up families of all classes. It’s set in 1983 and includes the lives of the brides family and her future in-laws. But does go back at times to when the mum and dad first met too.
Instead of the planned honeymoon all the wedding presents are stashed away and a funeral is planned for her father. Sadly his death is self inflicted due to drinking to excess resulting in a coma. It is likened to “The Glass Castle” and “The Nest” both of which I haven’t read. It is a memoir but I found it rather disjointed!

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I re-read several early sections of the book to try and understand her 10+ page overly-wordy statement of the following fact: ”my parents’ families were both super rich from some nebulous industrial development from the late 1800’s-early 1900’s, hence neither of them ever worked a day in their life and my dad drank himself to death”. Umm ok. Sounds rough. I guess.
Lots of descriptions about exotic vacations and her father’s dedicated pursuit of learning languages to prepare for the next place they would vacation (although the description of textbooks/index cards and relentless memorization felt more like he was an undiagnosed bipolar in the throes of mania than a super smart guy who loved learning....manic much?)
Did she not attend school? Didn’t seem like there was time with all the globe-trotting. Anyway, I didn’t find this In any way relatable or enjoyable. It moved fairly slow, and, just being a regular boring old person with a regular job AND no Park Avenue apartment AND no house in the Hamptons myself, this book didn’t do much for me. I finished it because it was a fast read, but I don’t recommend it.

[Gabriella · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was searching for a new book to read when the lines "The Glass Castle meets The Nest in this stunning debut, an intimate family memoir that gracefully brings us behind the dappled beachfront vista of privilege, to reveal the inner lives of two wonderfully colorful, unforgettable families" caught my eye. I absolutely loved the "The Glass Castle" but wasn't a big fan of "The Nest" but "All Happy Families: A Memoir" by Jeanne Mcculloch sounded good. I didn't read any more of the description as I like to read with an open mind. The story of Jeanne's unique family unfolds as she prepares to marry into a "normal" family, the Jacksons. Her mother is a strong opinionated woman who runs the family while her alcoholic father causes chaos. As events unfold, I thought this was a strange book as nothing seemed to really happen. Then it dawned on me that it was a biography. No wonder. It was about real life. Jeanne did a pretty good job of writing about her life, however. if you are going to entertain me with a biography, you better have a really interesting life. This one sadly was just ho-hum.

[Brenda Gipson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I decided to read this book because it had some similarities to events in my life. My baby sister's wedding in the 80's was impacted with my father having a heart attack a few days prior. He wasn't able to walk her down the aisle. He passed away a month later. We didn't have wealth but my Mother always had to keep up appearances and also can always find the negative in any situation. I loved some of the conversations between Jeanne and her Mother...they reminded me of my younger years with my own Mom. My own Mother has been diagnose with Alzheimer's so the ending is fitting to my own.

At times the book was a bit slow. I find this with a lot of memoirs. Jeanne's writing is very good, she makes you feel like you are there with her during each challenge. All Happy Families is a fitting title as there is no such thing and Jeanne demonstrates this well.

[Jane · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is being called The Nest combined with The Glass Castle.

I wasn't impressed with The Nest and didn't read The Glass Castle but I was curious since I enjoy both family fiction and memoirs.

The weekend of Jeanne's wedding her father lies in a coma and her mother, who is a one of a kind, with her hoity toity accents and her ways, says the show must go on. I totally understand but what really irked me but it's her personality, calls the doctor in the ICU where her husband lies, to not call during the wedding under any circumstances. G-d forbid.

I wished they would have covered the wedding but they did not but that's just me. I love weddings.

This book was sad in all senses but worth the read.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mcculloch uses her wedding and her father's catastrophic stroke, which occurred in the same week, as a framing device to look at both her parents' marriage and her in-laws'. Her mother and mother-in-law, two very different women, are the most memorable characters, and there are scenes that paint a wonderfully vivid picture of upper-class East Coast life in the 60s, 70s, and 80s. She relies too heavily on repeated quotes to hammer (like hammer) her points home, though, and sometimes there's a weird defensive tone in the way she writes about her family's wealth.

Mixed audio performance; male voices, especially, were not natural sounding.

[Mari Romancegirl · Rating 1 out of 5]

I agree with the other reviews of this book. I wish I would have known that this story centered around self absorbed rich people. I have no sympathy or empathy at all for the people in this story. I thought, when I read the synopsis, that the book would be more down to earth and interesting to me. It wasn't. I wish I wouldn't have wasted my time.

The author is a rich, spoiled, non appreciative, woman who has a controlling, angry mother. And a father who drinks too much. They are all pampered and live a life that 99% of people cannot connect with.

I kept reading and kept waiting for the book to get better. It didn't. This book was a waste of my time.

[Kathy (Bermudaonion) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Jeanne McCulloch grew up with wealth but her childhood wasn’t idyllic. Her father was kind but struggled with alcohol and her mother was more interested in the Social Register than anything else. The family lived in New York City and her father bought a house in the Hamptons so they could put down roots. McCulloch reflects on her childhood, her parents, and her family at that home after her mother’s death.

I picked this book up because I enjoy memoirs but it fell flat for me. The writing was okay but there just wasn’t any point to the story.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked this book. In a weird way, it was kind of like "Glass Castles" for rich folk (sorry, Pat!). If you read the book, you'll get the reference. I tend to like most books based on the east coast, especially New England because I can easily visualize the settings and even know the personalities somewhat. This book had some surprises and it moved along quickly. I hope the sisters are having happy lives now.

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars. A mellow memoir chronicling family bonds, eccentricities, affluence, and complicated relationships. At some points in this memoir, I was wondering how Mcculloch was going to sustain a whole book with the low key story that she was telling...and then bam, something else major would happen. It was an effective way to develop her story and really highlight how surprising some life events can be. (deliberately vague here to avoid spoilers) I liked it.

[Marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A beautifully written memoir by a poor little rich girl whose father fell into a coma on the eve of her wedding and died shortly after. Unfortunately, the author hasn't developed her own voice and channels everything (even her relationship with her new husband and his family) through the eyes of her imperious mother, proving that excellent writing can only go so far in making up for the shortcomings of an immature story teller.

[Juliette · Rating 3 out of 5]

During the time of global pandemic, this memoir felt more like escapist fiction. The author is from a very wealthy family (childhood Park Avenue apartment, a summer home called Children at Play next to Grey Gardens (!) in East Hampton, parents who didn't have jobs, a constant team of household staff...) and now works at Tin House Books. Her memoir is a dissection of a childhood spent with an alcoholic father, her narcissistic (yet wildly entertaining and glamorous) mother, and her father's stroke just before her 1980s wedding. She analyzes her family's woes, and the woes of her bridegroom's family (picture-perfect Maine folks). She seems to want us to know that even with wealth, one can feel unhappy (hence the Tolstoy quote "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."), but it's hard to fully connect when reading about such a privileged life. Imagine a fully-catered and chartered boat ride to illegally disburse the author's father's ashes on a stunning lake in Switzerland. The same trip happens again after her mother passes away, so their ashes can linger forever. Romantic? Sure. Out of touch? YES. This felt like a long Vogue magazine article, which I will admit was quite enjoyable while reading outside on a lawn chair in the shade. Sadly, no kitchen staff refilled my iced tea, but I survived.

[Joanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

With material like this, you have to go juicy or go exquisite. Jeanne McCulloch aims for exquisite but lands, alas, on flat. The author interviews are much more interesting and insightful than the book, honestly, so it's not like she doesn't have it in her.

[Kandace · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick read about the author’s family. Kept my interest but still not sure how I feel about it. I picked this up based on the words “The Glass Castle” meets “The Nest” both of which I loved but this slim memoir wasn’t as engaging as those.

[Cj · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jeanne McCulloch’s memoir is the story of 3 marriages. McCulloch examines her wedding at her childhood summer home and slowly widens the lens to reveal the larger web of stories that intersect on that day and beyond.

I appreciated the way that McCulloch connected details and returned to certain events, revealing more of the story as she continued writing. This was well-written, but not enthralling. I wouldn’t rush to put it on your TBR, but if you’re in a lull between books, it’s a nice weekend read!