What to Expect Before You're Expecting: The Complete Guide to Getting Pregnant

What to Expect

by Heidi Murkoff

What to expect. . . the first step. Answers to all your baby-making questions.
Are there ways to improve our chances of having a girl (or boy)?
Does stress affect fertility?
Should we be having sex every day? Every other day? Three times a day?
I’m 37. Does that mean I’ll have a harder time getting pregnant?
How long should we keep trying to conceive before we get some help?
What fertility treatments are available—and how will we be able to pay for them?
Expecting to expect? Plan ahead. Here’s everything you need to know to help prepare for the healthiest possible pregnancy and the healthiest possible baby. Filled with practical tips, empathetic advice, and savvy strategies, all designed to help you get that baby of your dreams on board faster. How to get your body into the best baby-making shape. Which foods feed fertility. Which lifestyle habits to quit and which to cultivate. All about baby-making sex, from timing to positions to logistics—and how to keep it sexy. Figuring out your fertility (and his). When to seek fertility help, and the latest on tests, treatments, and reproductive technology. Expecting to become a dad? This book has you covered, too. Plus, all about the family-building options for single women and same-sex couples.
 

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Health, Self Help, Family, Reference, How To

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2009

About the author

Heidi Murkoff is the co-author of the What to Expect When You're Expecting series of pregnancy guides. She is also the creator of WhatToExpect.com and founder of the What to Expect Project.

Reviews

[Shannon · Rating 1 out of 5]

Completely useless. Most of the info contained within can be easily gleaned from the internet with a few cursory searches. If you don't know it's good for you to eat healthy food, be at a healthy weight and not smoke when you're trying to conceive you shouldn't be contributing to the human race anyway. She also assumes that every woman out there wants to make babies as fast as they can, but what about the people who have misgivings? No advice for them?

The author is not a doctor and she doesn't cite any sources for the "research" she's done. She also uses ridiculous acronyms like TTC (trying to conceive,) BD (baby dance aka sex,) and O (for ovulation.) This is dumb. I don't care if people use these on message boards like she claims they do, but if you type BD instead of sex I'm going to kick you in the face.

Also, a lot of her recommendations are to talk to your doctor. What prescriptions are ok? Talk to your doctor. How can I lose weight if I'm 30lbs overweight? Talk to your doctor. Obviously I wouldn't trust a book for some of these things, but really, is that the best she's got? She wrote a book about pre-conception and her best advice is to seek someone else's?

Thankfully, I checked this book out from the library. Feel free to give it a glance if you're curious, but don't waste money on something you can easily get for free, or from your doctor.

[Lightreads · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn’t totally hate this, even with all the mealy-mouthed cutesy bullshit (I say this solemnly and with purpose: if any of you ever catch me unironically using the phrase “baby dancing” instead of just saying sex, do us all a favor and insert bullet into brain post haste, please and thank you). I didn’t even hate her complete aversion to showing her work and, you know, citing like a fucking professional. I
didn’t even hate the entire 50 words she devoted to noticing that,
ohmygosh, there are people planning to get pregnant who aren’t
heterosexual, monogamous, and married! Or even how thirty of those fifty words were misleading as to law and facts. (They didn’t even get in the same zip code as my circumstances, let alone the same ballpark, but go figure.)

Really though. If you’re writing a book to educate people about
pre-conception health, and I come stumbling along, fresh and blinking
and largely uneducated from a life of avowed childfreedom with all my
childfree friends, and your book on pre-conception health only manages to teach me four things I didn’t already know? You’re doing it wrong.

[raccoon reader · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book offers only a small section to preconception planning (first 70 pages) and the following 200 are about fertility issues. It would be better named "What to Expect When You Have Fertility Problems, With a Side Note on Preconception Planning." ::sigh::

There is a lot of valuable fertility information in here and I really feel that this was the motivating factor in writing this book. There are several, better books on preconception than this, but this is not a bad place to start. A springboard in your preparation and soul searching before having children. I believe if every woman spent more time preparing her body, mind, spirit, for having a child that this world would be a much better place. I mean, heck, uncountable clergy require premarital counseling, but no one requires pre-pregnancy counseling. If more people undertook their decision to have a baby with more soul searching, perhaps things would be better. So if you need a place to start, this isn't a bad one. Just please, please don't stop here. Keep reading and searching.

Now onto my complaints.
1. The book is solely a market for its own franchise and will NOT recommend other authors, books, sources to you. It will ONLY refer you back to its own website, and other books. This is a shame to put your own Profit or Ego above women's health. There are numerous sources they could have listed as places to go to learn further information. Other preconception books I have read were JamPacked full of websites, phone numbers, addresses, authors, you name it to get the pre-mother out there and educating herself on a wide range of topics. Don't ever trust a book that refuses to give kudos to others writing in the same field. Run Away! That means their motivation is not you. If it was they'd bend over backwards to tell you were to go to get more info. They would not pretend to be a one stop shop for information.

2. If you enjoy really bad word play, puns, alliterations, all in the name of trying to sound super clever and cute then this is the book for you. It feels almost like two different people are writing this. One is trying way to hard by constantly writing the bad "trying to be clever and cute" word play stuff and "funny" writing. (not funny) The other person is writing the medical information and falls into a decent informative to the point writing style that lays off the down your throat cuteness most of the time. The two styles are obvious to anyone who's had any experience writing. The Two styles will jump off the page at you. I'm sure Heidi has a team of experienced information gatherers..and there is probably only so much one can do to make what they wrote, seem like you wrote it. ::sigh:: I'm sure some woman out there loves the short clipped phrases and sentences that try So Hard at being clever. Count me out though.

Helpful tip: Stick to reading just the outtakes in the boxes, and highlighted materials. Its all you need anyway.

3. Its advice is one step too short on most accounts. Perhaps this is because they don't want to ever refer anyone to an outside source beyond the What to Expect Kingdom. For instance in their brilliant advice to count calories yourself when trying to lose weight they say just that- that you'll need to count the calories yourself. Are you kidding me?? Has anyone on their staff ever tried to do that in todays day and age? Half of the items you eat (fresh w/ no packaging, or from a restaurant) does not give you the calories. But if you go to a website online (Free ones! Tons of them!) you can plug in everything you ate and it adds it up for you. Would it have killed them to suggest a few to their readers. Because I'm sure if you're finding counting calories as an important *new* step in the right weight direction, then you need tools to get you there. But What to Expect can't even provide this small step towards information. It just felt a few explanations shy of a being helpful in a places.

All of this is why I say, "Start here, maybe. Don't stop reading. Ask for more." I don't know if I will buy this book. Though the numerous forms in the back look useful- I might see if theres someone better I can give my money to when it comes time to buy.

[Carissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

The first twenty or so pages has a great wealth of information. The chapters after that kind of go over the same stuff in detail and weren't terribly interesting. There are helpful pages in the very back that you can copy and fill out.



Notes:

Get a full checkup-- weight check, thorough physical, medication overview, blood test (hemoglobin or hematocrit, RH factor, rubella titer, varicella titer, urine screen for diseases, TB, HepB, CMV, taxoplasmosis titer, thyroid, STD), PCOS, uterine fibroids cysts or tumors, endometriosis, PID, irregular periods, recurrent UTI, ask when to start trying after stopping BC pills, update on tet-dip shots, check MMR immunity, screen for Tay-Sachs disease.

Ask mother and mother-in-law if they had preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, postpartum or general depression, how long it took to get pregnant, morning sickness, how long in labor

Start three months before trying to get pregnant with working on tapering the meds
SSRIs like Prozac may carry a small risk for developing withdrawal symptoms in the baby after delivery

Alternatives to medication are light therapy, psychotherapy, meditation, biofeedback, eating foods high in omega-3, DHA supplement, pregnancy-safe exercise (such as yoga)

Good exercise is 10 minutes of aerobic, 10 minutes of strength training, 10 minutes of stretching

Take prenatal vitamins before trying to conceive

No green tea or any tea with red raspberry leaf, southernwood, worm wood, mug wort, barberry, tansy, mandrake root, juniper, pennyroyal, nutmeg, arbor vitae, senna

Eat lots of calcium (such as 3 calcium chews/day), good protein (quinoa is excellent as well as veggie burger, black bean enchilada, beans, lentils, split peas or chick peas, edamame, tofu, walnuts, pecans, almonds, sunflower and pumpkin seeds), iron [leafy greens (collard, kale, spinach), lean beef, dried beans, peas, dried apricots, oatmeal] and add vitamin c rich food to increase iron absorption such as oj and tomatoes

Extra foods to eat that are old wives tales but can't hurt to try-- yams, nuts & seeds, oysters, berries such as blackberries and raspberries

Also-- avocadoes and DHA rich eggs

Go organic to avoid pesticides and other gross stuff-- apples, cherries, grapes, peaches, nectarines, pears, raspberries, strawberries, bell peppers, celery, potatoes, spinach

Limit eating salmon, trout, shrimp, pollock, catfish, canned tuna, sugar snacks, white bread, white rice, white pasta, white pancakes, soy supplements (soy in general)

Avoid eating hydrogenated oils and fish such as shark, swordfish, king mackerel, tilefish and fresh tuna

Stop taking your BC pills a few months before trying (such as three) and make a note of the first day of each period. Count back 12-16 days to get your ovulation day--keep a chart to determine future dates

You can check your cervical mucus (CM)
after period--dry
then sticky for a day or two
then creamy next several days
then slippery/stretchy, clear, consistency of egg white is your fertile time

Do not use lubricants or saliva. Try in the morning (if convenient). Think happy baby thoughts!

Three months before you should be exercising 30 minutes per day, healthy eating, taking prenatal vitamin, weaning off prescriptions, ditching BC pills

Two months before you should be continuing to exercise, eat healthy and taking vitamins, be off meds, and also have a full checkup and begin charting periods, basal body temp and CM

[Leah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great prelude into pregnancy. You can't be too prepared for pregnancy so this book is perfect for prepping.

Whether it be doctor, dentist, chiro, RMT, Acupuncture visits get it all out of the way before you and your partner conceive. The most important thing for you as a woman to do is to take a prenatal vitamin ensuring there's enough vitamins and minerals and folic acid in particular in your diet for baby making.

This book even goes through all the types of IVF treatments you can do, I didn't realize there's so many. Actually IVF is only one of them. It's actually better if they inject the sperm into your fallopian tubes directly so the process happens inside your body and naturally.

hCG is the placenta developing hormone that gets released once the embryo is planted on the uterus and hCG is the chemical the pregnancy tests detects if you are pregnant or not

Chapter 7 was my favorite chapter, it was about tips on baby making & sex :P

Checking your body temperature and cervix mucus is a little too much lol I want to plan for a baby but I don't want to be fixated on it. Good to know these things if you're having issues with conceiving though

eeeek I'll have to give up candy lol that'll be tough

If you had a miscarriage in your 1st pregnancy your chances of another miscarriage are pretty much same as they are for someone who hasn't miscarried before (less than 15%)
If you've had two miscarriages there's about a 25% chance
If you've had 3 miscarriages or more there's about a 35% you'll miscarry again

Notes:
- Max 2 teas a day
- Stop green tea and careful on herbal
- Dads get in shape, no more hot tub sauna or hot showers
- Get a ton of sleep 💤
- Massage, chiropractor, acupuncture, naturopath
- Don’t do IMF have 5-6 mini meals through day, graze
- Safe bet is no lube
- Don’t have oral or use saliva as live because saliva kills sperm
- Frequency of sex once every day or two depending on guys refill
- Morning time guys may have higher levels of sperm
- Sexy positions that penetrate deeply, if you have tilted uterus do doggy. Don’t do ones where girl is on top
- Once guy ejaculates cuddle for a bit
- Many reasons why acupuncture is good for fertility for men and women
- Pregnancy tests are most accurate closer to period. Also test in the morning of your first pee because you haven’t peed in a while and it will be concentrated. Midstream
- Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) in your urine is a developing placenta produced hormone of pregnancy, immediately in your bloodstream after embryo begins implanting in your uterus, approx 6-12 days after fertilization
- 35-40% of the time the fertility issue lies with the man, another 35-40% it’s the woman and rest is both

[Ashby · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book wasn’t worth the price and I got it for free through my local Buy Nothing group.

I learned maybe one thing. Also couldn’t get past the use of the term “baby dancing” instead of literally any other way to just say “sex.” The book was published in the mid 2000’s and it does NOT hold up well for a 2020s woman. Over half of the book is about fertility problems, which feels a bit misleading based on the title but whatever, so I only had to suffer through the first 60 or so pages.

I don’t think anyone is checking Goodreads for their pregnancy/TTC recommendations, but I’m going to leave this review in case anyone is. Skip this one!

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

First off, let me say I'm far from even expecting to expect. That said, I still love this book. For any woman who wants to get pregnant, thinks she might want to get pregnant or is just interested in learning all there is to know about pregnancy, then this is the book for you. WtEBYE covers everything from what vitamins to take and foods to eat to what possible problems you might face and what options there are if you have trouble conceiving. It has an in-depth fertility journal in the back so you can plan the perfect time to get pregnant. (Romantic, I know...but still helpful!) I would definitely recommend this book and am glad to have it on my shelf!

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good basic guide for women who are getting ready to start TTC. The book is broken down into just a few chapters including Getting Ready to Make a Baby, Making a Baby and Bumps in the Road, along with a long section for tracking your cycle and other TTC options in the last chapter called Fertility Tracker. I personally didn't learn too much information that I wasn't already aware of, but I have been reading a lot about TTC and pregnancy. Overall I think it's a good basic guide for what to do before you are TTC and habits to change as well as information about when you are TTC, as well as general information about what to do if problems arise along the way.

[Kelli · Rating 1 out of 5]

Wow. No. If you want a book that will scare you into not eating anything besides vegetables, and doing nothing but exercising and taking prenatal vitamins, then by all means, read this! If you want to keep yourself healthy by still keeping some sanity before you get pregnant and ultimately lose your sanity -- then stay away! I didn't find much to help me along in the journey of trying to get pregnant, unfortunately.

[Rebecca Kenyon · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wish this book had less discussion of fertility issues and more about pre conception in general. Some of the knowledge was definitely valuable and some of it felt oversimplified and basic. Perhaps a good resource but not what I was personally looking for.

[Modern Girl · Rating 3 out of 5]

I guess...maybe this book wasn't meant for me? I do plan to have a family in the next 3 years. My doctor did put me on prenatal pills to boost my calcium & folic acid while I'm still under 30. I've been working today a more active and healthy lifestyle for the past 14 months in the aim to "get fit for pregnancy down the road."

So, I thought this book would be useful.

There was a useful chapter. That's right, one chapter. The stuff about caffeine, and weight, and PCOS (which they make it sound like EVERYONE has). The stuff about guys and hottubs, cell phones, laptops and bicycles was interesting too.

But it was mainly stuff I don't need to think about yet - like artificial reproductive technology.

And it was missing all the stuff I really want to know, the stuff I'm currently trying to do, like condition my body and get my metabolism and eating behaviors where they should be. It didn't really talk about fibre, sugar, deli meats, processed cheese, soy, or anything of the things I'd heard about being issues but wanted confirmed.

As a developmental doctoral student, there was a lot of stuff that they generalized about that I know it wrong. I know the people who wrote this are well educated. But they skewed facts a few times, particularly early on. And that just made them loose any credibility in my books.

I *was* excited to read this line of books and to finally be approaching the stage in my life where it made sense to read them. Now, I'm not sure if I want to shell out the money for the rest of the set. I'm hoping the book about actual pregnancy will be better.

[Ashley · Rating 1 out of 5]

A few things I learned from this book:
1. You should totally quit smoking before trying to get pregnant
2. That drinking habit you have should probably go, too.
3. And that other little ah, habit you have? Ix-nay on the rugs-dray.

Ugh - the beginning of this was SO bad. It got a little better as it went on, but still nothing earth-shattering. And the author has an awful habit of putting at least one thing (sometimes two, sometimes three - I guess she likes to mix it up) per sentence in parantheses (I actually had a mental game to going to see how many sentences were parantheses free - I never got above 2 or 3). It was endlessly distracting and made it feel like more of a ym (remember that magazine?!) or Seventeen article with all the little asides to make it more relatable (or whatever).

Needless to say, I can't recomend this one.

[Sandra Vel · Rating 4 out of 5]

En mi caso, estoy muy lejos de empezar a buscar un bebé, pero sentía curiosidad.
Un libro muy interesante que habla sobre cómo prepararse para el embarazo y resuelve todas las dudas que pueden surgir ANTES de estar embarazada.
También desmiente muchos mitos y abarca muchos temas, desde la alimentación, la planificación, hasta las opciones de tratamientos de fertilidad.
Incluye varias tablas con información dedicada específicamente a los padres (hombres) ya que no todo el 'trabajo' previo es de la mujer.
Además de los datos básicos que conoce todo el mundo, se aprende mucho sobre cosas no tan obvias y muy útiles.

[Maria · Rating 1 out of 5]

Some useful information, but overall, patronizing and full of gender stereotyping.

[Ensley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Basic but helpful information.

[Abi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Decently informational! We (husband and I) both enjoyed reading it together to learn and relearn about the happenings of our bodies, and it was a fun bedtime activity together :)

[Bre · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not sure what exactly I was hoping to get out of this book but it wasn't what was included. It felt like over half the book covered issues with fertility and fertility treatments which felt really overwhelming for someone who hasn't had kids yet. I was hoping for a lot more information on what pregnancy looks like, at least an overview of what kinds of things happen during pregnancy that I could prepare for now. I felt like the sections about preparing financially weren't as thorough as they needed to be, especially since there are so many doctor visits (I would guess) involved with being pregnant and there wasn't anything that even gave an idea of how often you'd be going. I also would have been interested to see more references to relevant research articles on the various topics and a more thorough checklist of different things to access prior to trying for a baby. This is another minor thing but the overall layout of the book felt very dysfunctional and difficult for reading flow, I felt like I was jumping around so much that some of the information was interrupted by random callouts on different topics.

Overall, I wouldn't recommend this book for someone to read before they try to get pregnant. There are a lot of other books that are more clear, concise and organized with the information as well as provide plenty of evidence backing up the content. I just didn't feel like this book did that for me.

[Jaime · Rating 5 out of 5]

We’ve been trying to have a baby for a couple of years now, and I thought it was time that I made sure that I was as educated as I thought I was about conception. I definitely learned a few things from this book. This is a book you can skip around in easily, because not all of the topics are going to apply to everyone. It’s informational without being dry and boring. There is also information here for the man you are trying to conceive with. I especially appreciated that the book acknowledged that not everyone can get pregnant at the drop of a hat, and addressed different options that are available. I’ll definitely be holding on to this to refer to from time to time.

[Sey Shwetz · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am certain that key facts related to pre-conception planning could be boiled down to a 50 page module. Aside from lecturing on diet and weight management, the actual pre-conception discussion was very limited and eventually summarized (poorly) in bullet form at the end of the book.

I recognize my pre-conception knowledge was enhanced by medical school, but this felt far too generic to be helpful. I didn’t learn any new information, and we only had two fertility lectures in school. My recommendation? Skip this one and try talking to a health care professional instead.

[Sofija · Rating 3 out of 5]

In the next edition, this book should absolutely have an entire section on pre-conception planning for lesbian couples AND/OR non-traditional family planning. Otherwise, it was useful and had some valuable information.

[McKenzie Hopson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disclaimer for friends who know me IRL: I am not currently trying to get pregnant. 🙅🏼‍♀️ Just doing some light research for the future. I found this book to be informative, but was a little overwhelmed by all the conception lingo and felt like it repeated itself a lot.

[K · Rating 3 out of 5]

it was interesting but a little too cutesy. the language was too cliche and flowery. sometimes being more straightforward is better.

[Büşra Tekin · Rating 3 out of 5]

What to Expect Before You Expecting

Kitap bilgilendirici, eğitici bir kitap. Bir nevi kişisel gelişim ve çocuk gelişimi karışımı diyebiliriz. Serinin bu kitabında çocuk sahibi olmadan önce, olmaya çalışırken dikkat edilmesi gereken hususlar anlatılıyor. Beslenmeye dikkat etmek, kiloyu kontrol altında tutmak, vitaminlerinizi ve kan değerlerinizi takip etmek gibi. Ayrıca menstrual döngüde önemli günler hangileridir, anne ve baba adayının bu macerada nelere hassasiyet göstermesi gerekir gibi detaylardan bahsediyor. Sonra çocuk sahibi olamamayı etkileyen faktörlere odaklanıyor. Negatif kısma biraz fazla odaklanıyormuş gibi hissettim ben doğrusu...

Kitaptan yeni şeyler öğrendim ama daha önce yaptığım araştırmalardan zaten büyük bir kısmına hakimdim. Kitapta karşılaşacağınız çoğu detayı internette makale yaparak da öğrenmeniz mümkün. Ancak böyle bir yolculuğa çıkma fikriniz varsa ve ben araştırma yapmakla uğraşamam sıfırdan her şey bana anlatılsın diyorsanız illa ki faydası dokunur.

[Caroline Sou · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stopped at page 154, bc I don’t plan on reading any further.

Part 1 of this book was boring, since it talked about prepping by basically being healthy.

Part 2 “getting pregnant” was informative. I surprisingly am not aware of many points listed in this section, likely also bc I skipped these lectures in my anatomy class. 😅 did you know that saliva kills sperm? Who knew?

Part 3 talks about fertility challenges and treatments. Don’t care to read this until I need to, bc I’ll likely not remember anyway.

Part 4 is a fertility tracker. I don’t plan on using this either, so skip skip skipping all these pages. 😄

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a helpful and informative book. I wish I read it sooner. We’ve been TTC for two years and I have been working with a fertility specialist for a year. I learned valuable information in this easy to read book, and feel more informed and hopeful.

This book makes it easy to have all the essential information easily available - no need to wonder if what you found on the internet is accurate. There’s also information about things you may not know to ask about or know how to search for.

While the book was published 2009, the information is not outdated and still relevant. Strongly recommend for anyone who thinks they want to have a baby or is trying and wants to learn more.

[Noa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great starting point for conception prep! Definitely would recommend seeking other sources for more indepth information on certain topics. Otherwise helpful guides and easy to digest information.

I deducted a star cause some parts can be a little fat phobic with jokes and mildly outdated.

[Sarah Fancher · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally finished this. Super informative and helpful where I needed it!

[Erica Robyn Metcalf · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderfully organized information that is broken up into digestible chunks, sprinkled with humor. My husband and I learned quite a bit from this! Fingers crossed we move onto the next book soon! :)

[Kim Serra · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was fine, but too surface level and punny for me. I thought Taking Charge of Your Fertility and Expecting Better were much more helpful with more in depth information.

[Devin Stevenson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent and thorough resource