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Stone Cold Bastards
Bram Stoker Award ® Nominated Author
Only a rag-tag team of gargoyles stands between humanity and extinction.
Hell has released its ravening horde of demons, leaving most of humanity a puke-spewing, head-spinning mess of possession.
Humanity’s last hope? A team of misfit gargoyles—including a cigar chomping, hard-ass grotesque—come alive and ready for battle during the End of Days. They guard the last cathedral-turned-sanctuary atop a bald knoll in the North Carolina mountains.
Gargoyle protection grudgingly extends to any human who can make it inside the Sanctuary, but the power of the stonecutter blood magic, which protects the sanctuary, may not be enough when a rogue grotesque and his badly-wounded ward arrive.
All the hounds of hell are on their heels. The last Sanctuary is about to fall.
Only a rag-tag team of gargoyles stands between humanity and extinction.
Hell has released its ravening horde of demons, leaving most of humanity a puke-spewing, head-spinning mess of possession.
Humanity’s last hope? A team of misfit gargoyles—including a cigar chomping, hard-ass grotesque—come alive and ready for battle during the End of Days. They guard the last cathedral-turned-sanctuary atop a bald knoll in the North Carolina mountains.
Gargoyle protection grudgingly extends to any human who can make it inside the Sanctuary, but the power of the stonecutter blood magic, which protects the sanctuary, may not be enough when a rogue grotesque and his badly-wounded ward arrive.
All the hounds of hell are on their heels. The last Sanctuary is about to fall.
218 pages, Paperback
First published February 24, 2017
41 people are currently reading
175 people want to read
About the author
Jake Bible
157 books366 followersJake Bible, Bram Stoker Award nominated-novelist, short story writer, independent screenwriter, podcaster, and inventor of the Drabble Novel, has entertained thousands with his horror, sci/fi, thriller, and adventure tales. He reaches audiences of all ages with his uncanny ability to write a wide range of characters and genres.
Jake is the author of the bestselling Z-Burbia series set in Asheville, NC, the bestselling Salvage Merc One, the Apex Trilogy (DEAD MECH, The Americans, Metal and Ash) and the Mega series for Severed Press, as well as the YA zombie novel, Little Dead Man, the Bram Stoker Award nominated Teen horror novel, Intentional Haunting, the ScareScapes series, and the Reign of Four series for Permuted Press.
Find Jake at jakebible.com. Join him on Twitter @jakebible and find him on Facebook.
Jake is the author of the bestselling Z-Burbia series set in Asheville, NC, the bestselling Salvage Merc One, the Apex Trilogy (DEAD MECH, The Americans, Metal and Ash) and the Mega series for Severed Press, as well as the YA zombie novel, Little Dead Man, the Bram Stoker Award nominated Teen horror novel, Intentional Haunting, the ScareScapes series, and the Reign of Four series for Permuted Press.
Find Jake at jakebible.com. Join him on Twitter @jakebible and find him on Facebook.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews
March 5, 2020
3-5-2020 5 stars
Stone Cold Bastards
By: Jake Bible
Narrated by: Jeff Hays
I read this book when it first came out and liked it then. I love gargoyles especially when they are the good guys. They certainly are in here. This is a strange world where demons have made it into the world and just using a body until they use it up. There is very few people left. Sanctuary cities are those held protected by gargoyles or grotesque as they like to be called. They are made from magic. They use that magic to hold the evil at bay. There is one city left with a handful of people. This is where the story starts and it is one suspenseful ride!
The narration is excellent!!!!
2-19-2017 4 stars
Stone Cold Bastards by Jake Bible is a wonderful fantasy set in a time where there are few humans and plenty of demons. Gargoyles protect those humans in the sanctuary and some of those gargoyles are real characters! There are other creatures in the book also, dragons, goblins, etc. It is an exciting story full of fights, action, adventure, and not for the faint of heart. I really liked this book but I love gargoyles anyway but when they are snarky and crazy strong, bull headed, and cigar chomping, well...that makes them even more lovable! Thanks NetGalley for letting me get this wonderful book.
Stone Cold Bastards
By: Jake Bible
Narrated by: Jeff Hays
I read this book when it first came out and liked it then. I love gargoyles especially when they are the good guys. They certainly are in here. This is a strange world where demons have made it into the world and just using a body until they use it up. There is very few people left. Sanctuary cities are those held protected by gargoyles or grotesque as they like to be called. They are made from magic. They use that magic to hold the evil at bay. There is one city left with a handful of people. This is where the story starts and it is one suspenseful ride!
The narration is excellent!!!!
2-19-2017 4 stars
Stone Cold Bastards by Jake Bible is a wonderful fantasy set in a time where there are few humans and plenty of demons. Gargoyles protect those humans in the sanctuary and some of those gargoyles are real characters! There are other creatures in the book also, dragons, goblins, etc. It is an exciting story full of fights, action, adventure, and not for the faint of heart. I really liked this book but I love gargoyles anyway but when they are snarky and crazy strong, bull headed, and cigar chomping, well...that makes them even more lovable! Thanks NetGalley for letting me get this wonderful book.
March 10, 2017
When this book crossed my path, I was on the search for something different. I wasn't sure what, or even what genre really, just something... different. Gargoyles come to life seemed to fit the bill, so I decided to give it a go and see if it fixed my hankerin'.
The main thing I have to say about this book is that it was fun. There are definitely stressful parts and suspenseful scenes and so forth, but all in all, it was just fun. Fun, that is, if you don't mind your books splattered {pun intended} with a lot of blood, guts and gore. There's a lot of slaying of the bad guys, and in some gruesomely satisfying ways. No one is having any moral dilemmas about whether or not to pop off a head or rip out a throat. But, as I said... there is a lot of blood, guts, and gore. I do not recommend this book to anyone without a delicate constitution, as you will most likely not enjoy it, if you make it through it. There's also a lot of cursing in it, which is perfectly fine with me, but may not be so fine with others. So if you choose to read the book, beware of that as well.
The writing was not literary quality, for sure. It wasn't bad, but it definitely wasn't great. The story line was good, though, and the writing was strong enough to march it along. I came across a few tired slang phrases, but not enough for it to have become a habitual theme in the book. Just a smattering here and there.
I was pretty unhappy with the ending, but only because it was a tear jerker and I'm a weepy girl. I wasn't expecting to cry at the end of an urban fantasy, but I sure did. I realize that's not the author's fault and I shouldn't hold it against the book, so I won't. I'll just say... if you, like me, tend to cry... have a couple tissues handy.
Overall, it was an entertaining, quick, fast paced read that I recommend to anyone looking for something that's just plain fun without a lot of thinking required.
*Copy provided by NetGalley and BellBridge Books for an honest review. Thanks for making it available!
Visit my blog at www.booknerdcat.wordpress.com
The main thing I have to say about this book is that it was fun. There are definitely stressful parts and suspenseful scenes and so forth, but all in all, it was just fun. Fun, that is, if you don't mind your books splattered {pun intended} with a lot of blood, guts and gore. There's a lot of slaying of the bad guys, and in some gruesomely satisfying ways. No one is having any moral dilemmas about whether or not to pop off a head or rip out a throat. But, as I said... there is a lot of blood, guts, and gore. I do not recommend this book to anyone without a delicate constitution, as you will most likely not enjoy it, if you make it through it. There's also a lot of cursing in it, which is perfectly fine with me, but may not be so fine with others. So if you choose to read the book, beware of that as well.
The writing was not literary quality, for sure. It wasn't bad, but it definitely wasn't great. The story line was good, though, and the writing was strong enough to march it along. I came across a few tired slang phrases, but not enough for it to have become a habitual theme in the book. Just a smattering here and there.
I was pretty unhappy with the ending, but only because it was a tear jerker and I'm a weepy girl. I wasn't expecting to cry at the end of an urban fantasy, but I sure did. I realize that's not the author's fault and I shouldn't hold it against the book, so I won't. I'll just say... if you, like me, tend to cry... have a couple tissues handy.
Overall, it was an entertaining, quick, fast paced read that I recommend to anyone looking for something that's just plain fun without a lot of thinking required.
*Copy provided by NetGalley and BellBridge Books for an honest review. Thanks for making it available!
Visit my blog at www.booknerdcat.wordpress.com
April 20, 2017
3.5
The main premise of this book - gargoyles (sorry, they want to be called grotesque, if you don't mind) are the last line of defence against the hordes of demons. Anyone who can find a sanctuary guarded by a group of these creatures can consider himself lucky. But, one by one the sanctuaries are being breached, humans taken for vessels, and gargoyles destroyed until only one Sanctuary is left.
Guarded by a powerful gargoyle Artus and a group of grotesques, the one in the Appalachians Mountains is still standing. I loved these stone creatures, They are the best part of this book. Each has his or her own speciality, power and behaviour. They are worth five stars.
The book is divided in three parts. The first follows what could be considered a main character of sorts, a grotesque called Morty (Mordecai). Right from the beginning you find out how serious situation has become in the world since the Gates of Hell opened. Morty sets out to find more supplies for their wards (humans they are guarding) and to get cigars for himself. He runs into a rogue grotesque and a wounded human.
This is where I started being annoyed by the book. The first part ends with these three reaching a certain place and stuff happens (sorry, can't be more specific), then you are thrown into the second part of the story that takes you back to the moment Morty left and you get to see what has been going on in Morty's absence. Since you've seen what happens when he gets back, you spend the whole part two waiting for the thing to happen. Now, this is just a personal preference, but foreshadowing rarely works for me.
Next thing I am not a fan of is endless retelling. Something happens and you get to hear about it every time a character who needs to know about it enters the scene. It made the story drag in places.
I hated humans with passion. I wish I could be more specific with names and all that, but I don't want to spoil anything since the story is good. Let me just illustrate: a woman acts as if she is strong as grotesques, she goes out and when she is asked to get inside because the demons can possess humans, she starts arguing. Arguing with the creature who wants her safe! I wish someone just pushed her into the crowd and left her there. Another example: I think it would be enough if I say there are teenagers involved. God, I wanted those grotesques to let the demons have them all.
Still, as I said Artus and the rest of the guardians are worth five stars. Their comments on human behaviour is depressing, true and hilarious at the same time. The ending is bittersweet, but perfect.
The book is full of death, blood and gore. If you liked the film 'Shaun of the Dead', you might really like parts of this book.
ARC received from BelleBooks/Bell Bridge Books via NetGalley
The main premise of this book - gargoyles (sorry, they want to be called grotesque, if you don't mind) are the last line of defence against the hordes of demons. Anyone who can find a sanctuary guarded by a group of these creatures can consider himself lucky. But, one by one the sanctuaries are being breached, humans taken for vessels, and gargoyles destroyed until only one Sanctuary is left.
Guarded by a powerful gargoyle Artus and a group of grotesques, the one in the Appalachians Mountains is still standing. I loved these stone creatures, They are the best part of this book. Each has his or her own speciality, power and behaviour. They are worth five stars.
The book is divided in three parts. The first follows what could be considered a main character of sorts, a grotesque called Morty (Mordecai). Right from the beginning you find out how serious situation has become in the world since the Gates of Hell opened. Morty sets out to find more supplies for their wards (humans they are guarding) and to get cigars for himself. He runs into a rogue grotesque and a wounded human.
This is where I started being annoyed by the book. The first part ends with these three reaching a certain place and stuff happens (sorry, can't be more specific), then you are thrown into the second part of the story that takes you back to the moment Morty left and you get to see what has been going on in Morty's absence. Since you've seen what happens when he gets back, you spend the whole part two waiting for the thing to happen. Now, this is just a personal preference, but foreshadowing rarely works for me.
Next thing I am not a fan of is endless retelling. Something happens and you get to hear about it every time a character who needs to know about it enters the scene. It made the story drag in places.
I hated humans with passion. I wish I could be more specific with names and all that, but I don't want to spoil anything since the story is good. Let me just illustrate: a woman acts as if she is strong as grotesques, she goes out and when she is asked to get inside because the demons can possess humans, she starts arguing. Arguing with the creature who wants her safe! I wish someone just pushed her into the crowd and left her there. Another example: I think it would be enough if I say there are teenagers involved. God, I wanted those grotesques to let the demons have them all.
Still, as I said Artus and the rest of the guardians are worth five stars. Their comments on human behaviour is depressing, true and hilarious at the same time. The ending is bittersweet, but perfect.
The book is full of death, blood and gore. If you liked the film 'Shaun of the Dead', you might really like parts of this book.
ARC received from BelleBooks/Bell Bridge Books via NetGalley
May 10, 2017
*I received a complimentary audiobook of this title from the author in exchange for an honest review. This is it.
Creatures made of stone and powered by ancient magics. Carved to fight. To protect. The wards under their care are in danger of being possessed by demons bent on world domination. Cathedrals are falling and sh*t’s getting dire. It’s up to the G’s to find a way to send them back to hell.
I honestly should have hated this one. It should have been too YA’ey. Too hokey. Too fantasy. Much to my surprise, I really enjoyed it and it was none of those things. The only thing hokey about it, in fact, was me. That’s what I get for pre-judging a book. Bad, reader-dude. Bad.
This was quick, fun and highly entertaining with an intriguing premise that was executed well.
Jeff Hays narration of this one was spot on. There were several unique characters here and I can see where it may have been challenging to do them all without getting over the top or silly. I will admit that there are some synthesized voices here that took me a minute to get used to, but once I did, it fit the story nicely.
Very well done all the way around. 3.5 Stars rounded up to 4 because I went into this with a poor attitude and the strength and originality of the work proved me wrong. A good time, fun and quick listen.
Creatures made of stone and powered by ancient magics. Carved to fight. To protect. The wards under their care are in danger of being possessed by demons bent on world domination. Cathedrals are falling and sh*t’s getting dire. It’s up to the G’s to find a way to send them back to hell.
I honestly should have hated this one. It should have been too YA’ey. Too hokey. Too fantasy. Much to my surprise, I really enjoyed it and it was none of those things. The only thing hokey about it, in fact, was me. That’s what I get for pre-judging a book. Bad, reader-dude. Bad.
This was quick, fun and highly entertaining with an intriguing premise that was executed well.
Jeff Hays narration of this one was spot on. There were several unique characters here and I can see where it may have been challenging to do them all without getting over the top or silly. I will admit that there are some synthesized voices here that took me a minute to get used to, but once I did, it fit the story nicely.
Very well done all the way around. 3.5 Stars rounded up to 4 because I went into this with a poor attitude and the strength and originality of the work proved me wrong. A good time, fun and quick listen.
February 21, 2017
I've been interested in author Jake Bible's works for quite some time, even going so far as purchasing several installments in his Z-Burbia series, but never quite taking the reading- plunge. After finishing Stone Cold Bastards, I'm so eager to get my hands on anything and everything with his name on it (and actually reading it...). His style has been touted to me by several friends as "strange and weird mixed with the fantastical", and they were right on the nose with that one. Strange and weird always calls my name, and I foresee Jake Bible and I getting along like old pals.
In Stone Cold Bastards, humans are far and few between, and one must always beware of any humans found outside sanctuaries. Hell has been opened, demons are running amok, and humans are their unwilling hosts. Gargoyles and grotesques are the new leaders, and it's up the G's to make sure what's left of humanity survives. Although it seems as if the town surrounding the sanctuary is the last town.
I can't recall when, or even if, I've read a book with gargoyles as the main characters, and Bible creatively incorporated so many various types of them. But what really set this apart for me was the super interesting magic that surrounds the stone creatures and in many cases, the amount of gargoyles that are without magic altogether. Add to that the whole Stonecutter premise, and I was instantly hooked. The pace was the only thing that was a little off for me - the story did take a while to really get moving but once it did, it was nonstop excitement.
Bottom line - so glad I finally got around to reading something by this author. His style really appeals to me with the mixture of weirdness, fantasy, and magic and I can't wait to finally dive in to his other works and series. Highly recommended.
*eARC received via NetGalley in exchange for my honest opinion.
In Stone Cold Bastards, humans are far and few between, and one must always beware of any humans found outside sanctuaries. Hell has been opened, demons are running amok, and humans are their unwilling hosts. Gargoyles and grotesques are the new leaders, and it's up the G's to make sure what's left of humanity survives. Although it seems as if the town surrounding the sanctuary is the last town.
I can't recall when, or even if, I've read a book with gargoyles as the main characters, and Bible creatively incorporated so many various types of them. But what really set this apart for me was the super interesting magic that surrounds the stone creatures and in many cases, the amount of gargoyles that are without magic altogether. Add to that the whole Stonecutter premise, and I was instantly hooked. The pace was the only thing that was a little off for me - the story did take a while to really get moving but once it did, it was nonstop excitement.
Bottom line - so glad I finally got around to reading something by this author. His style really appeals to me with the mixture of weirdness, fantasy, and magic and I can't wait to finally dive in to his other works and series. Highly recommended.
*eARC received via NetGalley in exchange for my honest opinion.
July 23, 2017
2.5 stars
Thanks to NetGalley and to the editor. I I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review
This book was a real disappointment. When I saw this title on NetGalley I wanted to read it, and I wanted it bad because the idea was so original and... the characters are Gargoyles! (Or Grotesques, that's better!) I mean who can say no to gargoyles???
The idea wasn't bad, at all, but... I do not know, we just didn't click. The writing was quite plain, the characters were interesting but not so well developed as I was expecting, and I do not love them. Yes, there was a couple of them that I liked but that's was all. And the atmosphere is dark and it's all "it's the end of the world!" but I didn't enjoy it, either and I do not know why.
I was hoping for something captivating but I didn't find it.
I can't say what went wrong with this book, I think the idea was good but all is so... plain. I wasn't captivated or fascinated by it, even if I really was expecting it.
Thanks to NetGalley and to the editor. I I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review
This book was a real disappointment. When I saw this title on NetGalley I wanted to read it, and I wanted it bad because the idea was so original and... the characters are Gargoyles! (Or Grotesques, that's better!) I mean who can say no to gargoyles???
The idea wasn't bad, at all, but... I do not know, we just didn't click. The writing was quite plain, the characters were interesting but not so well developed as I was expecting, and I do not love them. Yes, there was a couple of them that I liked but that's was all. And the atmosphere is dark and it's all "it's the end of the world!" but I didn't enjoy it, either and I do not know why.
I was hoping for something captivating but I didn't find it.
I can't say what went wrong with this book, I think the idea was good but all is so... plain. I wasn't captivated or fascinated by it, even if I really was expecting it.
March 21, 2017
Ahh, my favourite fictional sub-genre – the end of the world. Always a joy. I may have mentioned this before, I can’t remember? I do love me some apocalyptic fiction. The latest Armageddon to grace my review pile is Stone Cold Bastards by Jake Bible. The gates of Hell are open and they are spewing forth a demonic horde. Our last line of defence? A mismatched collection of humans and living gargoyles.
The main story focuses on a monster called Mordecai, Morty to his friends. Within a handful of pages, I was picturing a cigar chomping, mildly cantankerous type who grumbles a lot but will do anything to protect his charges. I’m thinking something akin to Ron Perlman’s Hellboy hewn completely from basalt, you get the idea. Morty is grumpy but with a heart of gold, that is, if he had a heart which obviously he doesn’t.
When it comes to the other characters, the rest of the gargoyles are a pretty diverse bunch.
Artus is ancient and wise, Geffe is loyal to a fault, Roan is majestic, Xue is ferocious and Coins just plain defies expectation. They are a weird collection alright. The humans are a pretty unusual group as well now that I think about it. In particular, there is a medic called Highlander who is wonderfully odd.
Turns out if you’re made of stone and you’re going to be fighting possessed humans by the bucket load, then things are going to get messy. Just try to imagine a big concrete fist smacking a head with unbelievable force, I’d suspect there would be an almighty squelching sound. Essentially, in a very roundabout way, I am attempting to highlight the fact that Stone Cold Bastards has some beautifully gory moments. Those amongst you with a delicate disposition may wish to look elsewhere. I loved it though. The final epic battle was particularly squishy.
It’s always nice when you learn something new when you read a novel. I now know the difference between a gargoyle and a grotesque. Who said fiction can’t be educational?
I’m going to leave my music recommendation pretty fuzzy for this read. I suppose it goes without saying that it has to be rock (oh come on, be honest you were all expecting it). The question is which rock band. I’m inclined to learn toward AC/DC. Thunderstruck could easily be the theme for this entire novel. Album wise For Those About To Rock, also AC/DC, wouldn’t go a miss either.
My only criticism of Stone Cold Bastards, and it is a minor one, is I think this book would have benefited from being a little longer. There is some backstory that I would love to have seen filled in. We learn a little about how the various characters end up in the last sanctuary, but it doesn’t feel as though it is quite enough. I’d imagine many of the gargoyles has been around for quite some time. There must be other stories that have been left untold.
That tiny quibble aside, Stone Cold Bastards is loads of fun. My advice – grab yourself a fine cigar, crank up your favourite rock album, grab a cold beer and get reading. Who knew Gothic architecture could be so damned entertaining?
Phew, that’s a relief, I managed to get through the entire review without using the words pulverise, smash or icky mess…dammit.
The main story focuses on a monster called Mordecai, Morty to his friends. Within a handful of pages, I was picturing a cigar chomping, mildly cantankerous type who grumbles a lot but will do anything to protect his charges. I’m thinking something akin to Ron Perlman’s Hellboy hewn completely from basalt, you get the idea. Morty is grumpy but with a heart of gold, that is, if he had a heart which obviously he doesn’t.
When it comes to the other characters, the rest of the gargoyles are a pretty diverse bunch.
Artus is ancient and wise, Geffe is loyal to a fault, Roan is majestic, Xue is ferocious and Coins just plain defies expectation. They are a weird collection alright. The humans are a pretty unusual group as well now that I think about it. In particular, there is a medic called Highlander who is wonderfully odd.
Turns out if you’re made of stone and you’re going to be fighting possessed humans by the bucket load, then things are going to get messy. Just try to imagine a big concrete fist smacking a head with unbelievable force, I’d suspect there would be an almighty squelching sound. Essentially, in a very roundabout way, I am attempting to highlight the fact that Stone Cold Bastards has some beautifully gory moments. Those amongst you with a delicate disposition may wish to look elsewhere. I loved it though. The final epic battle was particularly squishy.
It’s always nice when you learn something new when you read a novel. I now know the difference between a gargoyle and a grotesque. Who said fiction can’t be educational?
I’m going to leave my music recommendation pretty fuzzy for this read. I suppose it goes without saying that it has to be rock (oh come on, be honest you were all expecting it). The question is which rock band. I’m inclined to learn toward AC/DC. Thunderstruck could easily be the theme for this entire novel. Album wise For Those About To Rock, also AC/DC, wouldn’t go a miss either.
My only criticism of Stone Cold Bastards, and it is a minor one, is I think this book would have benefited from being a little longer. There is some backstory that I would love to have seen filled in. We learn a little about how the various characters end up in the last sanctuary, but it doesn’t feel as though it is quite enough. I’d imagine many of the gargoyles has been around for quite some time. There must be other stories that have been left untold.
That tiny quibble aside, Stone Cold Bastards is loads of fun. My advice – grab yourself a fine cigar, crank up your favourite rock album, grab a cold beer and get reading. Who knew Gothic architecture could be so damned entertaining?
Phew, that’s a relief, I managed to get through the entire review without using the words pulverise, smash or icky mess…dammit.
November 17, 2017
There are not many humans left but there are gargoyles (grotesque) who will protect them from demons if the humans can reach their sanctuary.
I found this to be a bit of a different but welcome read. It seems to be fantasy/horror with a bit of humor spicing it up. I really enjoyed reading this one and wished it could be a bit longer.
I received a copy of this book from the publishers via Netgalley for free in exchange for my honest review.
I found this to be a bit of a different but welcome read. It seems to be fantasy/horror with a bit of humor spicing it up. I really enjoyed reading this one and wished it could be a bit longer.
I received a copy of this book from the publishers via Netgalley for free in exchange for my honest review.
December 24, 2017
When a portal to Hell has opened in your world and demons are pouring out of it, you do not have much to do but run aimlessly to somewhere...anywhere all the while screaming like a little girl. The dread of this occurrence is compounded by the fact that the demons are not horned monstrosities but passengers who will jump uninvited into your body and make you do its bidding. Civilization as we know it is long gone and the apocalypse has arrived. What little I have enumerated above has been a cliche in horror literature for long decades now but Jake Bible differs in one minor detail from the others in this genre. He gives humanity a rough-and-tumble savior in the form of Grotesques and Gargoyles. The story takes place in one of the last strongholds of humans protected by these guardians of stone all the while resisting a siege by the demons.
The story is conceived and executed on the lines of a Hollywood R-rated action movie. The plot gives a lot of legroom for action sequences and the author goes all guns blazing for these sequences. Fists fly and blood, bone and gristle are all over the place and for want of a better word I would call this a gorefest. The demons in the story are in different shades varying from the realistic to the bloodthirsty to the insane ones. The focus of the story revolves mostly around the character of Morty or Mortdecai who walks, talks and fights like a typical gung-ho American as epitomized by popular culture. There are others of his ilk who are from different parts of the world but mostly these are rather subdued overall.
While the demon apocalypse is a global disaster, the story remains steadfastly American and yes they save the world too. The climax was rather anti-climactic (pun intended) and it was over before I could even figure it out.
Mindless entertainment and rather good at that. Switch off logic and it becomes enjoyable.
May 12, 2017
I rather enjoyed this. I had a few complaints, namely that the human bodies in this book appeared to have a consistency somewhere between a ripe tomato and play-doe. I don't generally have a problem with gore in a novel, but there was a lot in this book. And where it didn't bother me on its own, the fact that grotesques (gargoyles...notably not gargoyles, but gargoyles for the linguistically challenged) seemed able to produce it in a manner that seemed to disregard physics and tensile, bodily durability grated on my nerves. I got seriously sick of heads getting ripped off, spines yanked out, skulls popped, etc. Not because of the gore factor, but because it was too clean, easy and pervasive.
Secondly, I didn't think humans were represented well or realistically. They were all either weak to their flesh and causing devastation or cowering in a corner. They were almost all essentially characterless. Given the circumstance, I would expect a little more human resilience.
Beyond those complaints, I loved grumpy Morty and the rest of the sanctuary crew. I liked the idea of the demon apocalypse and the ending.
All in all, not a book that is going to make the favorites list, but not one I regret listening to either.
Secondly, I didn't think humans were represented well or realistically. They were all either weak to their flesh and causing devastation or cowering in a corner. They were almost all essentially characterless. Given the circumstance, I would expect a little more human resilience.
Beyond those complaints, I loved grumpy Morty and the rest of the sanctuary crew. I liked the idea of the demon apocalypse and the ending.
All in all, not a book that is going to make the favorites list, but not one I regret listening to either.
March 2, 2017
Stone cold bastards by Jake Bible is a horror and sci-fi and fantasy read.
He'll is about to bring the end of days. The sanctuary is the only safe haven left for humans. A team of misfit gargoyles come alive and ready for battle during the End of Days. They guard the last cathedral-turned-sanctuary atop a bald knoll in the North Carolina mountains.
Absolutely fantastic read with brilliant characters. I loved how the gargoyles came alive to protect people. Very cleverly written. I loved the ending too. Highly recommended. 5*. I voluntarily reviewed an advanced copy of this book from netgalley.
He'll is about to bring the end of days. The sanctuary is the only safe haven left for humans. A team of misfit gargoyles come alive and ready for battle during the End of Days. They guard the last cathedral-turned-sanctuary atop a bald knoll in the North Carolina mountains.
Absolutely fantastic read with brilliant characters. I loved how the gargoyles came alive to protect people. Very cleverly written. I loved the ending too. Highly recommended. 5*. I voluntarily reviewed an advanced copy of this book from netgalley.
April 6, 2017
This. Was. Fuckin'. Good. Nice one, enjoyed reading it.
“Do you feel lucky, punk?” Nissa said from the far side of the courtyard, a pistol almost larger than her arm gripped in both hands. “Well, do ya?”
“You’re supposed to ask that before you shoot him,” Tessa said.
“Oh,” Nissa said. “Okay, stand him up and let’s do it again.”
The faeries looked at Antoine, expectant and waiting.
“What? No, I’m not standing the dead meatbag up so you can quote some old movie and shoot his corpse,” Antoine said.
“Do you feel lucky, punk?” Nissa said from the far side of the courtyard, a pistol almost larger than her arm gripped in both hands. “Well, do ya?”
“You’re supposed to ask that before you shoot him,” Tessa said.
“Oh,” Nissa said. “Okay, stand him up and let’s do it again.”
The faeries looked at Antoine, expectant and waiting.
“What? No, I’m not standing the dead meatbag up so you can quote some old movie and shoot his corpse,” Antoine said.
June 18, 2017
3.5 stars
The last stand for the little bit of humanity left on the world... Demons have almost taken over the world. This book all takes place in one day's time. We see Morty and his adventure along with what he finds. Then we see what's happened inside the Sanctuary while he's gone, with the siege and the teens leaving. Then both sections collide in a moment. We see the last Sanctuary with humans who're not possessed pull all they have to stand against the demons, and try one last effort to save what little is left of the world.
****FULL REVIEW****
*I was voluntarily provided this review copy audiobook at no charge by the author, publisher and/or narrator.
The gates of hell have fallen and demons possess more humans than not, others have died. But there are pockets of humans in sanctuaries protected by gargoyles and grotesques still striving to live. Morty is one of the protectors at this cathedral, and with the news of another sanctuary falling they need to prepare for a siege as the possessed are going to circle and wait to get through the locked iron gates guarded by those like Morty to get to the un-possessed humans.
I enjoy when Jeff gets a book he can showcase his vocal talents. And this is such a book! There are a few different characters and each are greatly different in voice and personality. Jeff even adds small extras to the characters with relation to what they are doing. When it's written that a character scuffs or smacks his lips, Jeff does the action. It's much more personal than hearing the words - bringing the story to life. Totally awesome work!
This isn't a high action read out of the gate, but it's crafted in the world creation and the G's (gargoyles and grotesques). I would have liked a few more small details added in the beginning to know the relation of the characters talking, but it all become apparent quickly as to the world and relationships. I would have liked a little bit of description or foreshadowing to details we suddenly get so they don't feel to come out of nowhere, but I enjoyed the book for the fun. The fighting picks up as the book goes. The fights are a bit bloody. But that happens when you have hard stone or marble fighting soft, human flesh. There is strong cursing too.
The last stand for the little bit of humanity left on the world... Demons have almost taken over the world. This book all takes place in one day's time. We see Morty and his adventure along with what he finds. Then we see what's happened inside the Sanctuary while he's gone, with the siege and the teens leaving. Then both sections collide in a moment. We see the last Sanctuary with humans who're not possessed pull all they have to stand against the demons, and try one last effort to save what little is left of the world.
This is a stand alone novel and ends as one. Cool. This way I'm not left wondering about anything. Though, there are a few questions as to the stone cutter, but that's my speculative thinking.
We get to see a few different grotesques and gargoyles. They are all of different personality and bring something different to the protection they provide. They are all special in their own ways, a few more than others for fighting. The G's were made for this reason, and that's why they are alive now. I'm not sure why the G's don't try to save humans when the demons leave their bodies. Why not bring them into the sanctuary? I think there's something I'm missing after a demon already possesses a body. But they aren't necessarily to save people as they are to keep their sanctuary safe, and what's in it.
We get to meet the people in this sanctuary. They are struggling to get by and tensions do run high in the world that's now restricted to a small area. The people we meet are different and have knowledge they bring to the story. They aren't ready to give up though.
The last stand for the little bit of humanity left on the world... Demons have almost taken over the world. This book all takes place in one day's time. We see Morty and his adventure along with what he finds. Then we see what's happened inside the Sanctuary while he's gone, with the siege and the teens leaving. Then both sections collide in a moment. We see the last Sanctuary with humans who're not possessed pull all they have to stand against the demons, and try one last effort to save what little is left of the world.
****FULL REVIEW****
*I was voluntarily provided this review copy audiobook at no charge by the author, publisher and/or narrator.
The gates of hell have fallen and demons possess more humans than not, others have died. But there are pockets of humans in sanctuaries protected by gargoyles and grotesques still striving to live. Morty is one of the protectors at this cathedral, and with the news of another sanctuary falling they need to prepare for a siege as the possessed are going to circle and wait to get through the locked iron gates guarded by those like Morty to get to the un-possessed humans.
I enjoy when Jeff gets a book he can showcase his vocal talents. And this is such a book! There are a few different characters and each are greatly different in voice and personality. Jeff even adds small extras to the characters with relation to what they are doing. When it's written that a character scuffs or smacks his lips, Jeff does the action. It's much more personal than hearing the words - bringing the story to life. Totally awesome work!
This isn't a high action read out of the gate, but it's crafted in the world creation and the G's (gargoyles and grotesques). I would have liked a few more small details added in the beginning to know the relation of the characters talking, but it all become apparent quickly as to the world and relationships. I would have liked a little bit of description or foreshadowing to details we suddenly get so they don't feel to come out of nowhere, but I enjoyed the book for the fun. The fighting picks up as the book goes. The fights are a bit bloody. But that happens when you have hard stone or marble fighting soft, human flesh. There is strong cursing too.
The last stand for the little bit of humanity left on the world... Demons have almost taken over the world. This book all takes place in one day's time. We see Morty and his adventure along with what he finds. Then we see what's happened inside the Sanctuary while he's gone, with the siege and the teens leaving. Then both sections collide in a moment. We see the last Sanctuary with humans who're not possessed pull all they have to stand against the demons, and try one last effort to save what little is left of the world.
This is a stand alone novel and ends as one. Cool. This way I'm not left wondering about anything. Though, there are a few questions as to the stone cutter, but that's my speculative thinking.
We get to see a few different grotesques and gargoyles. They are all of different personality and bring something different to the protection they provide. They are all special in their own ways, a few more than others for fighting. The G's were made for this reason, and that's why they are alive now. I'm not sure why the G's don't try to save humans when the demons leave their bodies. Why not bring them into the sanctuary? I think there's something I'm missing after a demon already possesses a body. But they aren't necessarily to save people as they are to keep their sanctuary safe, and what's in it.
We get to meet the people in this sanctuary. They are struggling to get by and tensions do run high in the world that's now restricted to a small area. The people we meet are different and have knowledge they bring to the story. They aren't ready to give up though.
August 5, 2017
Review courtesy of Dark Faerie Tales
Quick & Dirty: An addicting, gore-filled romp in the apocalypse. What more could you ask for?
Opening Sentence: The small, gray head popped off and rolled toward the end of the bar.
Excerpt: No
The Review:
Six years ago, it happened: the gates of Hell opened, releasing demons upon the earth. Their mission: destroy humanity and take the earth for themselves. Those humans who weren’t immediately possessed in the aftermath had only one option to ensure safety: find sanctuary in a cathedral protected by gargoyles and grotesques, whose magic brought them to life when the gates opened. The gargoyles’ mission is to protect humanity. Now, there is only one cathedral still standing, and the demons are converging upon it. As the demons approach, the remaining humans and their protectors prepare to make a final stand. Will they be successful, or will the demons finally win?
I did not see this book coming. I really only picked it from my stack of books to review because it was short, and I’ve had a bad month when it comes to reading because my four-month-old has decided sleep is optional. Imagine my surprise when I found it hard to put the darn book down. In fact, I read the last 70 percent of the book in one afternoon, holding my baby while he napped because I knew if I put him down, he would wake up, and I wouldn’t be able to keep reading. Suffice to say, the book hooked me easily.
I will say this book is not for the faint of heart. It is gruesome, to put it mildly. There are body parts and organs flying constantly, and if you have a weak stomach, you may have a hard time getting through the fight scenes, of which there are many. If blood and guts don’t bother you, however, you should really give this book a shot.
I am amazed at how unique all of the characters are. I didn’t originally think that gargoyles/grotesques would have such different personalities, but each one is his/her own character, set apart from all the rest. You really come to love each and every one in a short period of time.
Be prepared to be on the edge of your seat. Once the action starts, it never lets up, thus why I read 70 percent of the book in one sitting. The fight scenes are written well, making me feel as if I was actually watching a movie because I could picture what was happening so well in my mind.
One slight negative is that the first 30 percent of the book is slower than the rest. That’s not to say it’s not good. It’s just slower. I think the main reason for that is for that first portion of the book, we just get one character’s point of view. Once the other characters come into play, everything picks up exponentially.
All in all, this book was an unexpected treat. I went into it feeling unenthused and came out sad that the journey was over. I will definitely be checking out other books by Bible!
Notable Scene:
Morty squinted into the gloom, but found nothing which accounted for the movement. He squatted down and looked under the truck. Nothing there.
A clank and rattle from behind him.
“Oh, come on,” Morty said as he spun about.
A few feet from the pile of broken slot machines was an empty beer bottle. It spun in a lazy circle, like a teenagers’ game, but minus any of the teenagers. Morty knew it was a trap. It was so obvious he almost laughed out loud. The problem was, who set the trap? The possessed couldn’t get inside.
Could they?
They never had before and what Shandra said about blessing ceremonies had made sense. The tribes drew from heavy earth magic. Whether they knew what they were doing or not, their mojo laid one hell of a whammy on the casino. In all his years, Morty had never seen one single possessed get closer than a few yards from the building.
Collaborators? Was that it? Did they bring collaborators down from New York or wherever they kept the traitorous meatbags? Were the demons ready to play their hand like that now that the last Stonecutter had been revealed?
Possibly. Probably.
Morty walked to the bottle and stomped it into glass dust, his eyes searching the huge room for the source of the trap. He was ready, waiting for the attack to come. Again, nothing.
“Come on,” Morty pleaded. “Make your move, pal.”
There was a crunching from behind him and Morty glanced over his shoulder. Maybe the jerk had doubled back.
He hadn’t.
The crunching was from feet walking slowly across the shattered bulletproof glass of the front entrance. A hundred feet walking slowly. Fifty faces, all smiling, eyes dead and gleaming with possession, the demons inside looking happy and smug.
“Crap,” Morty said as he realized the casino’s magic had failed finally. “Crap. Hey, guys!“
The possessed were in no hurry. Step, crunch, step, crunch, step, crunch. On they came, weapons in hand, but hands held casually down at their sides. They had the numbers and Morty could tell by their attitude that they knew it.
“Guys,” Morty shouted as he backed away from the entrance. He spread his wings, flexing them, getting them ready for flight or fight, whichever came first. Probably fight. “Guys! We have to go. Now!”
FTC Advisory: Bell Bridge Books provided me with a copy of Stone Cold Bastards. No goody bags, sponsorships, “material connections,” or bribes were exchanged for my review.
Quick & Dirty: An addicting, gore-filled romp in the apocalypse. What more could you ask for?
Opening Sentence: The small, gray head popped off and rolled toward the end of the bar.
Excerpt: No
The Review:
Six years ago, it happened: the gates of Hell opened, releasing demons upon the earth. Their mission: destroy humanity and take the earth for themselves. Those humans who weren’t immediately possessed in the aftermath had only one option to ensure safety: find sanctuary in a cathedral protected by gargoyles and grotesques, whose magic brought them to life when the gates opened. The gargoyles’ mission is to protect humanity. Now, there is only one cathedral still standing, and the demons are converging upon it. As the demons approach, the remaining humans and their protectors prepare to make a final stand. Will they be successful, or will the demons finally win?
I did not see this book coming. I really only picked it from my stack of books to review because it was short, and I’ve had a bad month when it comes to reading because my four-month-old has decided sleep is optional. Imagine my surprise when I found it hard to put the darn book down. In fact, I read the last 70 percent of the book in one afternoon, holding my baby while he napped because I knew if I put him down, he would wake up, and I wouldn’t be able to keep reading. Suffice to say, the book hooked me easily.
I will say this book is not for the faint of heart. It is gruesome, to put it mildly. There are body parts and organs flying constantly, and if you have a weak stomach, you may have a hard time getting through the fight scenes, of which there are many. If blood and guts don’t bother you, however, you should really give this book a shot.
I am amazed at how unique all of the characters are. I didn’t originally think that gargoyles/grotesques would have such different personalities, but each one is his/her own character, set apart from all the rest. You really come to love each and every one in a short period of time.
Be prepared to be on the edge of your seat. Once the action starts, it never lets up, thus why I read 70 percent of the book in one sitting. The fight scenes are written well, making me feel as if I was actually watching a movie because I could picture what was happening so well in my mind.
One slight negative is that the first 30 percent of the book is slower than the rest. That’s not to say it’s not good. It’s just slower. I think the main reason for that is for that first portion of the book, we just get one character’s point of view. Once the other characters come into play, everything picks up exponentially.
All in all, this book was an unexpected treat. I went into it feeling unenthused and came out sad that the journey was over. I will definitely be checking out other books by Bible!
Notable Scene:
Morty squinted into the gloom, but found nothing which accounted for the movement. He squatted down and looked under the truck. Nothing there.
A clank and rattle from behind him.
“Oh, come on,” Morty said as he spun about.
A few feet from the pile of broken slot machines was an empty beer bottle. It spun in a lazy circle, like a teenagers’ game, but minus any of the teenagers. Morty knew it was a trap. It was so obvious he almost laughed out loud. The problem was, who set the trap? The possessed couldn’t get inside.
Could they?
They never had before and what Shandra said about blessing ceremonies had made sense. The tribes drew from heavy earth magic. Whether they knew what they were doing or not, their mojo laid one hell of a whammy on the casino. In all his years, Morty had never seen one single possessed get closer than a few yards from the building.
Collaborators? Was that it? Did they bring collaborators down from New York or wherever they kept the traitorous meatbags? Were the demons ready to play their hand like that now that the last Stonecutter had been revealed?
Possibly. Probably.
Morty walked to the bottle and stomped it into glass dust, his eyes searching the huge room for the source of the trap. He was ready, waiting for the attack to come. Again, nothing.
“Come on,” Morty pleaded. “Make your move, pal.”
There was a crunching from behind him and Morty glanced over his shoulder. Maybe the jerk had doubled back.
He hadn’t.
The crunching was from feet walking slowly across the shattered bulletproof glass of the front entrance. A hundred feet walking slowly. Fifty faces, all smiling, eyes dead and gleaming with possession, the demons inside looking happy and smug.
“Crap,” Morty said as he realized the casino’s magic had failed finally. “Crap. Hey, guys!“
The possessed were in no hurry. Step, crunch, step, crunch, step, crunch. On they came, weapons in hand, but hands held casually down at their sides. They had the numbers and Morty could tell by their attitude that they knew it.
“Guys,” Morty shouted as he backed away from the entrance. He spread his wings, flexing them, getting them ready for flight or fight, whichever came first. Probably fight. “Guys! We have to go. Now!”
FTC Advisory: Bell Bridge Books provided me with a copy of Stone Cold Bastards. No goody bags, sponsorships, “material connections,” or bribes were exchanged for my review.
May 4, 2017
Оригинал: https://olegeightnine.wordpress.com/2...
(Посмотрите сначала интро мультсериала Gargoyles. Видео связано с книгой только очень косвенно, оно тут в первую очередь для создания настроения и растягивания текста.)
За несколько лет до событий Stone Cold Bastards армии демонов вторглись на Землю, и теперь остатки человечества выживают в различных храмах под охраной магических статуй, оживших в день вторжения. И после того, как автор описывал книгу в гостевом посте в блоге Джона Скальци, я ожидал, что эта война будет поинтереснее.
(Но раз мы уже здесь, рекомендую все-таки регулярно поглядывать на рубрику «The Big Idea», если вам нужны книжные рекомендации.)
На самом деле Stone Cold Bastards оказывается самой банальной постапокалиптической историей. Есть анклав выживших с нехваткой ресурсов, есть осаждающая их Проблема, есть защитники выживших, есть идиоты среди выживших, есть важный твист, который приводит к кульминационной битве. Когда в историю вдруг прибывает девочка извне, ее роль оглушительно очевидна еще до того, как персонажи успевают заикнуться о ее важности. Когда персонажи натыкаются на ловушку демонов, предсказанную в одной из первых глав (не хватает только неоновой вывески), хочется кричать. Разыгранного по стандартному сценарию сюжета в книге хватает в лучшем случае на двухчасовой фильм, а сверхъестественные аспекты сеттинга являются только тончайшим налетом поверхностных деталей типа необычных способностей у некоторых статуй и повышенной кровавости экшен-сцен.
С кровищей у книги, возможно, перебор. Автор слишком увлекается описаниями насилия, которое магические статуи устраивают в отношении одержимых орд: головы отрываются и лопаются, оружие и конечности отбираются и втыкаются в анатомически неподходящие места и так далее. В описаниях Байбл не особенно уходит в подробности, но отсутствие «качества» компенсирует количеством и при каждой возможности выкатывает десяток или больше ужасающих травм.
Похожий в некотором смысле подход у автора и к персонажам, живым и каменным. Их много, они довольно разнообразные, и книга растягивается за счет постоянных скачков между их точками зрения. Но из-за их количества и темпа повествования почти никто не успевает выбрать за пределы простейших образов «положительная женщина-лидер», «мерзкая малолетняя козявка», «два влюбленных гея из разных бэкграундов», «медицинский гений с аутизмом» (этот еще и страдает от стереотипов средней паршивости).
Плюс, есть мелкие проблемы с масштабом (сколько людей в убежище? Не знаю, но имена есть где-то у десятка), причинно-следственными связями и безосновательными нарушениями правил сеттинга под конец, которые можно простить, если книга затянет.
Если вам вдруг нужно максимально прямолинейное постапокалиптическое приключение с кинематографическим экшеном и реками крови, то Stone Cold Bastards, возможно, даже развлечет. Но нельзя сказать, что в этой категории у вас мало выбора или проблемы с качеством. А я просто грущу от того, что эта завязка заслуживает более интересного исполнения, или более стилизованного, или хотя бы более живого.
P.S.: Даже название, по-моему, врет: в сочетании с синопсисом от каменных протагонистов я ожидал брутальной солдатской прагматичности, чего-нибудь в духе «Бесславных ублюдков» или еще чего такого, но они оказываются довольно приятным и положительным набором статуй. КАЛАМБУР ПОТРАЧЕН ВПУСТУЮ.
P.P.S.: Зато я узнал важную разницу между гаргульями и гротесками, потому что книга постоянно напоминает об этом. СПАСИБО, ДЖЕЙК. ДАЖЕ НЕИРОНИЧНОЕ СПАСИБО.
(Посмотрите сначала интро мультсериала Gargoyles. Видео связано с книгой только очень косвенно, оно тут в первую очередь для создания настроения и растягивания текста.)
За несколько лет до событий Stone Cold Bastards армии демонов вторглись на Землю, и теперь остатки человечества выживают в различных храмах под охраной магических статуй, оживших в день вторжения. И после того, как автор описывал книгу в гостевом посте в блоге Джона Скальци, я ожидал, что эта война будет поинтереснее.
(Но раз мы уже здесь, рекомендую все-таки регулярно поглядывать на рубрику «The Big Idea», если вам нужны книжные рекомендации.)
На самом деле Stone Cold Bastards оказывается самой банальной постапокалиптической историей. Есть анклав выживших с нехваткой ресурсов, есть осаждающая их Проблема, есть защитники выживших, есть идиоты среди выживших, есть важный твист, который приводит к кульминационной битве. Когда в историю вдруг прибывает девочка извне, ее роль оглушительно очевидна еще до того, как персонажи успевают заикнуться о ее важности. Когда персонажи натыкаются на ловушку демонов, предсказанную в одной из первых глав (не хватает только неоновой вывески), хочется кричать. Разыгранного по стандартному сценарию сюжета в книге хватает в лучшем случае на двухчасовой фильм, а сверхъестественные аспекты сеттинга являются только тончайшим налетом поверхностных деталей типа необычных способностей у некоторых статуй и повышенной кровавости экшен-сцен.
С кровищей у книги, возможно, перебор. Автор слишком увлекается описаниями насилия, которое магические статуи устраивают в отношении одержимых орд: головы отрываются и лопаются, оружие и конечности отбираются и втыкаются в анатомически неподходящие места и так далее. В описаниях Байбл не особенно уходит в подробности, но отсутствие «качества» компенсирует количеством и при каждой возможности выкатывает десяток или больше ужасающих травм.
Похожий в некотором смысле подход у автора и к персонажам, живым и каменным. Их много, они довольно разнообразные, и книга растягивается за счет постоянных скачков между их точками зрения. Но из-за их количества и темпа повествования почти никто не успевает выбрать за пределы простейших образов «положительная женщина-лидер», «мерзкая малолетняя козявка», «два влюбленных гея из разных бэкграундов», «медицинский гений с аутизмом» (этот еще и страдает от стереотипов средней паршивости).
Плюс, есть мелкие проблемы с масштабом (сколько людей в убежище? Не знаю, но имена есть где-то у десятка), причинно-следственными связями и безосновательными нарушениями правил сеттинга под конец, которые можно простить, если книга затянет.
Если вам вдруг нужно максимально прямолинейное постапокалиптическое приключение с кинематографическим экшеном и реками крови, то Stone Cold Bastards, возможно, даже развлечет. Но нельзя сказать, что в этой категории у вас мало выбора или проблемы с качеством. А я просто грущу от того, что эта завязка заслуживает более интересного исполнения, или более стилизованного, или хотя бы более живого.
P.S.: Даже название, по-моему, врет: в сочетании с синопсисом от каменных протагонистов я ожидал брутальной солдатской прагматичности, чего-нибудь в духе «Бесславных ублюдков» или еще чего такого, но они оказываются довольно приятным и положительным набором статуй. КАЛАМБУР ПОТРАЧЕН ВПУСТУЮ.
P.P.S.: Зато я узнал важную разницу между гаргульями и гротесками, потому что книга постоянно напоминает об этом. СПАСИБО, ДЖЕЙК. ДАЖЕ НЕИРОНИЧНОЕ СПАСИБО.
May 11, 2017
Full review here, on my blog.
As anyone who reads my reviews… or like… glances over my favorites shelf will know, I love a good snarky character. The snarkier the better. I love characters that don’t take anyone’s shit. So, generally, books with the word ‘bastards’ in the title is always going to be a good fit (hell, I’ve loved every other one I’ve read. What do you mean it was only the one? >.>). Needless to day, I got started on this listen immediately.
Let’s start with narration, because it’s awesome (and is most of the reason I experienced this book at all). Jeff Hays, you talented bastard. Why can’t I quit you? Oh, right… it’s because you’re SO FUCKING GOOD AT THIS. Faaaack.
Every character was unique, the gargoyles (sorry, grotesques. There’s a difference.) were all sort of gravelly-sounding, as described. There were some special effects used for demon voices and the like, which were awesome. The lady folk were all believably enough lady-sounding, the dudes were various levels of gruff, deep and gravelly. Accents were on point. Look, I’ve lived in Texas for almost 10 years and the best I can do accent-wise is to sound slightly less Canadian sometimes, and then really, really fucking Canadian when I’m excited about something or talk to my mom for more than 5 seconds. I’m always sort of goddamned intrigued that someone can convincingly become so many different people all within the span of 7 hours or so. Jeff Hays does it every damn time though. I do read a lot of self published and indie books, and many of them are amazeballs, but I never actually expected to find such fantastic narration of indie and self-pubbed audiobooks. But, I have been pleasantly surprised in that regard (and also quite disappointed on a few occasions, but this isn’t one of those, lol).
Anyways, back to the story! The main character (or one of them), is a no-nonsense, cigar smoking grotesque and I liked him immediately. He seems to actually care for the wards (non-possessed humans who are living under the gargoyles’ protection at the sanctuary of the cathedral in which the gargoyles reside). So, our story pretty much starts out with Morty (I’m assuming things on spelling. It’s short for Mordecai) planning on going out on a trip into the demon possessed wilds of North Carolina to pick up supplies for everyone at the cathedral, because some shit is going to go down, and he’s almost out of cigars.
He stumbles on an unexpected human woman and her daughter, along with their very unexpected protector on his travels, and it turns out that the human is quite important in terms of this whole war with the demons thing. Cut to part two which is what happened at the sanctuary while Morty was out getting supplies, and then cut to part 3 which is THE RECKONING. This one was full of action, some of it more gruesome than the rest, and a fair bit of humor. It never plodded along, it was always pretty exciting, things happened that I didn’t fully expect, and so I can definitely call this one a win!
As anyone who reads my reviews… or like… glances over my favorites shelf will know, I love a good snarky character. The snarkier the better. I love characters that don’t take anyone’s shit. So, generally, books with the word ‘bastards’ in the title is always going to be a good fit (hell, I’ve loved every other one I’ve read. What do you mean it was only the one? >.>). Needless to day, I got started on this listen immediately.
Let’s start with narration, because it’s awesome (and is most of the reason I experienced this book at all). Jeff Hays, you talented bastard. Why can’t I quit you? Oh, right… it’s because you’re SO FUCKING GOOD AT THIS. Faaaack.
Every character was unique, the gargoyles (sorry, grotesques. There’s a difference.) were all sort of gravelly-sounding, as described. There were some special effects used for demon voices and the like, which were awesome. The lady folk were all believably enough lady-sounding, the dudes were various levels of gruff, deep and gravelly. Accents were on point. Look, I’ve lived in Texas for almost 10 years and the best I can do accent-wise is to sound slightly less Canadian sometimes, and then really, really fucking Canadian when I’m excited about something or talk to my mom for more than 5 seconds. I’m always sort of goddamned intrigued that someone can convincingly become so many different people all within the span of 7 hours or so. Jeff Hays does it every damn time though. I do read a lot of self published and indie books, and many of them are amazeballs, but I never actually expected to find such fantastic narration of indie and self-pubbed audiobooks. But, I have been pleasantly surprised in that regard (and also quite disappointed on a few occasions, but this isn’t one of those, lol).
Anyways, back to the story! The main character (or one of them), is a no-nonsense, cigar smoking grotesque and I liked him immediately. He seems to actually care for the wards (non-possessed humans who are living under the gargoyles’ protection at the sanctuary of the cathedral in which the gargoyles reside). So, our story pretty much starts out with Morty (I’m assuming things on spelling. It’s short for Mordecai) planning on going out on a trip into the demon possessed wilds of North Carolina to pick up supplies for everyone at the cathedral, because some shit is going to go down, and he’s almost out of cigars.
He stumbles on an unexpected human woman and her daughter, along with their very unexpected protector on his travels, and it turns out that the human is quite important in terms of this whole war with the demons thing. Cut to part two which is what happened at the sanctuary while Morty was out getting supplies, and then cut to part 3 which is THE RECKONING. This one was full of action, some of it more gruesome than the rest, and a fair bit of humor. It never plodded along, it was always pretty exciting, things happened that I didn’t fully expect, and so I can definitely call this one a win!
January 13, 2020
This one is listed under both Horror and SciFi & Fantasy, but it has some very light hearted and even funny moments, albeit with a fairly dark premise. Hell has unleashed all its demons and the only thing saving humanity is a ragtag bunch of gargoyles (technically grotesques for most of them) that come to life through blood magic and guard the last cathedral sanctuary on Earth.
Human possession is common and everyone is preparing for the end of days. How cheerful. Yet the characters are quirky and bring more than a few laughs. The story is enjoyable, though heavy on dialogue and character driven with only occasional sojourns into description. I found the effects of having a stone body interesting in how it affected the characters' ability to do things and withstand assaults from the demon possessed humans, though apparently obsidian can cut stone. Flight came down to just magic. Sometimes the author has to either concede Physics or use magic.
Part two threw me a little as it started with some new characters and basically a new storyline, though set in the same time and place. Familiar characters soon joined in, but I found this part slower going than the first. It does have significant plot development though and towards the end I could see how everything fit in.
Part three is pure action, laced with testosterone poisoning. Things get a little gruesome at times and it's not for the squeamish. There were some emotional moments as well, and I found the end satisfying. Overall an enjoyable story with some original elements.
Human possession is common and everyone is preparing for the end of days. How cheerful. Yet the characters are quirky and bring more than a few laughs. The story is enjoyable, though heavy on dialogue and character driven with only occasional sojourns into description. I found the effects of having a stone body interesting in how it affected the characters' ability to do things and withstand assaults from the demon possessed humans, though apparently obsidian can cut stone. Flight came down to just magic. Sometimes the author has to either concede Physics or use magic.
Part two threw me a little as it started with some new characters and basically a new storyline, though set in the same time and place. Familiar characters soon joined in, but I found this part slower going than the first. It does have significant plot development though and towards the end I could see how everything fit in.
Part three is pure action, laced with testosterone poisoning. Things get a little gruesome at times and it's not for the squeamish. There were some emotional moments as well, and I found the end satisfying. Overall an enjoyable story with some original elements.
May 28, 2017
I was super pleased with this book. Seriously, I really enjoyed it! It is a little hard to get into for the first couple of chapters, but don't let that throw you off. There are a lot of characters to try to get to know at first, and it slows the book down, but you quickly catch on to who's who, and then the book just sucks you in.
I loved the story line. The whole premise is amazingly original and super well done. The gates of hell have opened and humans' last lines of defense are gargoyles and grotesques. It makes for one HECK of a story. I love the unspoken comparison between humans and all their frailties and gargoyles/grotesques being nigh on invincible.
The characters are super well done as well. I absolutely ADORE Morty. He is great. ALL the gargoyles and grotesques are great actually. There was not a single one of the stone G's (As they are called) who I wasn't invested in in one way or another.
I was also quite fond of the character of Highlander. I couldnt stop picturing him as the kid who plays Norman Bates in Bates Motel...mainly because I just saw a trailer for his new show "The Good Doctor." Google that trailer and then read this book, and you will totally understand what I am talking about.
The book truly did keep me engaged until the very end. The action was great, and the blood, guts, and gore were spectacularly well - written. I highly recommend this book. Period.
I loved the story line. The whole premise is amazingly original and super well done. The gates of hell have opened and humans' last lines of defense are gargoyles and grotesques. It makes for one HECK of a story. I love the unspoken comparison between humans and all their frailties and gargoyles/grotesques being nigh on invincible.
The characters are super well done as well. I absolutely ADORE Morty. He is great. ALL the gargoyles and grotesques are great actually. There was not a single one of the stone G's (As they are called) who I wasn't invested in in one way or another.
I was also quite fond of the character of Highlander. I couldnt stop picturing him as the kid who plays Norman Bates in Bates Motel...mainly because I just saw a trailer for his new show "The Good Doctor." Google that trailer and then read this book, and you will totally understand what I am talking about.
The book truly did keep me engaged until the very end. The action was great, and the blood, guts, and gore were spectacularly well - written. I highly recommend this book. Period.
June 10, 2017
I was given a copy of this book by Jeff Hays, who performed the narration for this edition, in exchange for a review.
I had heard of neither Jake Bible, the author, nor Jeff Hays before this. I did have prior knowledge, however, of a 1990s TV show 'Gargoyles' and this is the connection I made when I first checked out the blurb.
Jake Bible shows very quickly that he can make a variety of characters and situations approachable for the reader. Here's where Stone Cold Bastards has already won far and away in comparison with said TV show. And they're called grotesques, not gargoyles! Pretty fun premise and a stack of great ideas making for a great story. One of the highlights was the inclusion of character Todd and his intel role. What a lot in life!
Jeff Hays' performance was the standout element for me. I look back and realise that I forgot that one man gave voice to the large cast of human and non-human characters. I totally suspended disbelief. I was really impressed with the way he conveyed the uncertainty of teenager Kimmie, the awkwardness of autistic surgeon Highlander and how he switched accents and registers for the range of Gs (especially Nissa and Tessa). The 'bad' characters were brought most detestably to life too.
Thanks Jeff. I'll be keen to follow your other work.
I had heard of neither Jake Bible, the author, nor Jeff Hays before this. I did have prior knowledge, however, of a 1990s TV show 'Gargoyles' and this is the connection I made when I first checked out the blurb.
Jake Bible shows very quickly that he can make a variety of characters and situations approachable for the reader. Here's where Stone Cold Bastards has already won far and away in comparison with said TV show. And they're called grotesques, not gargoyles! Pretty fun premise and a stack of great ideas making for a great story. One of the highlights was the inclusion of character Todd and his intel role. What a lot in life!
Jeff Hays' performance was the standout element for me. I look back and realise that I forgot that one man gave voice to the large cast of human and non-human characters. I totally suspended disbelief. I was really impressed with the way he conveyed the uncertainty of teenager Kimmie, the awkwardness of autistic surgeon Highlander and how he switched accents and registers for the range of Gs (especially Nissa and Tessa). The 'bad' characters were brought most detestably to life too.
Thanks Jeff. I'll be keen to follow your other work.
December 13, 2017
Jake Bible has become one of my without hesitation go-to authors when I want a thrilling, entertaining, horror/fantasy story. Black Box, Inc is one of my favorites and Stone Cold Bastards has been added to that list. The characters, while made of stone, were so human at times I forgot they weren't flesh and blood. And I wanted them to be so bad sometimes. The author creates an apocalypse like we've never seen before and that is part of the reason this book was such a home run for me. It's something I hadn't seen/read before. I was hooked from the first introduction to Morty and from there I was lost in this world of good vs. evil.
While what I felt was a rather abrupt ending kept me from giving a 5 star rating...I'm holding out hope that somehow, someway there will be a sequel...I still can't recommend this book, and this amazing author enough.
The world and characters created here were so rich and so well fleshed out that I found myself mumbling out loud that this would make a terrific movie. Do yourself a favor and read this one. Then, when you're finished, go read the rest of his catalog. You won't be disappointed!
While what I felt was a rather abrupt ending kept me from giving a 5 star rating...I'm holding out hope that somehow, someway there will be a sequel...I still can't recommend this book, and this amazing author enough.
The world and characters created here were so rich and so well fleshed out that I found myself mumbling out loud that this would make a terrific movie. Do yourself a favor and read this one. Then, when you're finished, go read the rest of his catalog. You won't be disappointed!
December 21, 2020
This is the seventh book i have read/listened to by this author and I would listen to another. So far I’ve enjoyed every book I’ve listened to by him. Each book/ series has been unique. He has quite a story repertoire. This is a standalone book from what I can tell. It is also an original concept. I quite liked the gargoyles and idea of the demon possessed.
This is the first book I have listened to by this narrator ( Jeff Hays ) and I would listen to another. His character voices are great. He does a wonderful job differentiating them and his female characters are just as good as the male. He performs this book marvelously and really brings the story to life, character personalities and all.
There are no explicit sex scenes or excessive violence. There is swearing.
I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and voluntarily left this unbiased review.
Please feel free to comment on whether you found my review helpful.
Story 5/5
Narration 5/5
This is the first book I have listened to by this narrator ( Jeff Hays ) and I would listen to another. His character voices are great. He does a wonderful job differentiating them and his female characters are just as good as the male. He performs this book marvelously and really brings the story to life, character personalities and all.
There are no explicit sex scenes or excessive violence. There is swearing.
I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and voluntarily left this unbiased review.
Please feel free to comment on whether you found my review helpful.
Story 5/5
Narration 5/5
May 6, 2017
I received a copy of an audible version of this book from Jeff Hayes, the narrator and I'll definitely be looking for his books in the future! The gates of hell have opened and the Gargoyles and the Grotesques have awakened to protect the last of mankind. Our heros are guarding and protecting the last of mankind in a sanctuary, protected by magic. This is not to be missed if you like end of the world stories and are sick and tired of zombies! I started this book in the morning, and finished this afternoon while doing yard work. That's the great thing about an audible book, you don't have to stand still to listen. The story was great, the narration superb! Each character was given his own voice, his own individual personality. Stellar performance. Don't miss the book!
February 7, 2017
Stone Cold Fun
When I started reading this, I wasn’t certain. A book about a band of gargoyles – excuse me, grostesques – that are trying to save the last of humanity seemed a little hard to buy into.
However, within a few chapters, I was in. I loved our stone heroes – especially Morty and his cigar.
As with all of Jake Bible’s books, expect humor, action, and simply good storytelling. There are moments to break your heart and moments that make you want to get out your guns and fight for humanity.
Most of all, it’s just plain fun!
*ARC Provided via Net Galley
When I started reading this, I wasn’t certain. A book about a band of gargoyles – excuse me, grostesques – that are trying to save the last of humanity seemed a little hard to buy into.
However, within a few chapters, I was in. I loved our stone heroes – especially Morty and his cigar.
As with all of Jake Bible’s books, expect humor, action, and simply good storytelling. There are moments to break your heart and moments that make you want to get out your guns and fight for humanity.
Most of all, it’s just plain fun!
*ARC Provided via Net Galley
April 14, 2020
A good short read. Full disclosure, I got my copy for free in trade for posting a review so here it is.
The name made it sound like it was going to be more comedy than drama so I was a little off my expectations when it never really got funny like I'd hoped.
But it was an interesting story of the apocalypse. Well written and with clever characters but I finished it more out of habit, it never really drew me in and hooked me, hints my rating. If you like your apocalypse fantasy then give it a go.
The name made it sound like it was going to be more comedy than drama so I was a little off my expectations when it never really got funny like I'd hoped.
But it was an interesting story of the apocalypse. Well written and with clever characters but I finished it more out of habit, it never really drew me in and hooked me, hints my rating. If you like your apocalypse fantasy then give it a go.
May 20, 2017
Super Gargoyles...
This story centers around a group of gargoyles that are out to save the day.
The book was a quick read with a young adult feel to it.
The story line had a bit of everything from humor, fantasy, action, and it was an overall well written story.
Jeff Hays did well with the narration as usual.
Note:
"This audio book was provided by the author, narrator, or publisher at no cost in exchange for an unbiased review."
October 21, 2018
A fun, gory, sci-fi good read! Creatures of yore...a dragon, gargoyles aka grotesque, faeries, demons, fallen angels, and magic!! This story has it all!!
A well written prose seasoned with bawdy humor throughout. A spin on the end of the world genre with the undead being possessed by demons battling flying gargoyles made of stone, a magic wielding, fire breathing dragon, two Rambo-influenced Siamese faeries, weapons of war, and a stonecutter worth dying for... Enjoy!
A well written prose seasoned with bawdy humor throughout. A spin on the end of the world genre with the undead being possessed by demons battling flying gargoyles made of stone, a magic wielding, fire breathing dragon, two Rambo-influenced Siamese faeries, weapons of war, and a stonecutter worth dying for... Enjoy!
April 10, 2020
Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book and I am leaving this review voluntarily. The opinions are my own.
So I am a big fan of Jake Bible. His easy writing style makes for very enjoyable reading. His Roak series of books are some of my favorites.
The eclectic set of characters in this story was great! The story was very fast paced and interesting. It is a violent story so stay away from it if that bothers you. Otherwise sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride!
So I am a big fan of Jake Bible. His easy writing style makes for very enjoyable reading. His Roak series of books are some of my favorites.
The eclectic set of characters in this story was great! The story was very fast paced and interesting. It is a violent story so stay away from it if that bothers you. Otherwise sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride!
December 9, 2024
Amist the chaos of a post apocalypse world (?) lays a safe haven for the still remaining members of humanity after a horrible series of event. Among those G's Mordecai, a cigar chomping G who is thrust upon a journey for 1 thing, but soon evolves into something else entirely. Come read a book that is so good in my opinion that I gave it 4 stars.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 8, 2017
This is the first book I've read by this author. I loved this story. I highly recommend it.
- - Received copy through NetGalley - -
L
- - Received copy through NetGalley - -
L
December 17, 2017
Nice take on gargoyles.. statues and the spells that made them
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