All I Want To Do Is Live: A Collection of Creative Nonfiction

by Trace Ramsey

Trace Ramsey’s All I Want to Do is Live personalizes common themes of survival, depression, and life in America at a time of division and upheaval. In this collection of essays, flash nonfiction, and poetry, Ramsey examines his family history and shows us how darkness can trickle through generations. He looks to people like his grandparents and his partner for hope and works to move beyond abuse and mental illness to find what is worth passing on to his children. In a unique voice of clean, deliberate prose, he relays stories about the damage of the past and recovery in the present that is both brutal and achingly pretty. As the personal often sheds light on the universal, Trace's memories of his childhood and the scenes from his life today also give us the story of our time, our country, and a people longing to find substance, freedom, and meaning.

Genres: Nonfiction

224 pages, Paperback

Published May 9, 2017

About the author

Trace Ramsey is a recipient of the 2017-2018 North Carolina Arts Council Fellowship in Literature, the 2015 Ella Fountain Pratt Emerging Artists Award in Literature, a 2015 contributor in non-fiction at the Bread Loaf Writers' Conference, and winner of the 2016 Alex Albright Creative Nonfiction Prize from the North Carolina Literary Review. Trace’s recent publications include essays in At Length Magazine, Hippocampus Magazine and I Don’t Know How to Help You, a compilation zine from Pioneers Press. In December 2014 Trace received a certificate in documentary arts in nonfiction writing from the Center for Documentary Studies at Duke University. Trace lives in Durham, N.C., with his partner and two children.

Reviews

[J.P. Willson · Rating 5 out of 5]

An answer to a question in the interview at the end of the prose went as such- "Living with or through discomfort gives me some amount of precision when I choose my words. It helps me make the reader really work for it no matter how much or how briefly it might hollow them out to do so."
This wording really resonated for me, it didn't even matter what the question posed to the author was; just this particular part of his longer answer caught me. "Is this not truly the essence of why we write?" This was the only thing that entered my mind when I read this...
In my own writing, it's "essence" comes from discomfort. What I do with this discomfort is put it down on paper for the sake, the end result to be the processing of that discomfort in a positive manner.
I found this writing to be very dark in places, sad really yet that was merely an undertone. The descriptive quality of the writing if fantastic. It truly paints a beautiful or serene or ugly picture depending on the topic of the piece at hand at the time. An art unto itself. The images my brain conjured throughout were in "high resolution" from the quality of the writing itself.
As for images, the drawings in the book (and the candid personal photos) were also a wonderful addition to the text.
Reading this for me was an exit from the norm, a chance to step into another sense of being for a time that I thoroughly enjoyed.
Highly recommend this to anyone looking for an escape of sorts, moving and deep.

[Joseph Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Visceral. Intimate. Beautiful. Sad. Present. These are perhaps the best word to describe Mr. Ramsey's anthology of memoirs and poetry. The author succeeds in doing what all great author's do -- drive the feelings of the reader to empathy. He can only do this by opening his soul, which is poured into every word which he obviously savors when at his work. "Perched upon barn roofs, the black vultures looked like preachers imperious in a pulpit, wings outspread, the morning dew on their feathers now drying before the sun."

This intimacy makes the reader look through the author's eyes, specifically at death and the revolving wheel of abuse that takes generations to break. Serious themes, indeed. But throughout Mr. Ramsey's struggles there are moments of joy and hope. Then there are flashes of humor that cut the reader like a dry reed. Perhaps his piece, "Baby #2" is most demonstrative of this when on Day 17 after the birth he cannot stop humming.

Writing is an obvious cathartic act for this author and in baring his own soul cleaves the reader to it. I hope to see a full length novel by Mr. Ramsey in the near future.

[Tony Parsons · Rating 4 out of 5]

Part 1: Nonfiction
Chapbooks & Zines Quitter #7 (2013)
step-son 10, step-father, rabbit hunting, brother, mother, maternal grandfather, grandfather, deer hunting, paternal grandfather, father,
16 Quitter #8 (2014, 38) horror
Tennessee “Ten” (daughter), Kristin (wife/mother), father (husband, narrator), Mama (ex-wife), father divorced, brother, stepfather, Ramsey dead grandfather,
59 Quitter #9 (2015, 76)
horse, mother, Tennessee 4th. Grandchild, JJ (brother), yellow jacket nest, Siler City, NC, deer, Circle Acres, New Hanover County, Kristin, Cape Fear River,
79 Fog Index #1 (2015, 90)
Tennessee 2, Tobacco, NC, father, step mother,
93 Quitter #10 (2016, 116)
Tennessee 3, Kristin, grandparents, Maltby Road, Attica, NY, father (45, twin, pacemaker) twin brother (Vietnam vet), grandmother, Griswold road, West Bergen Road, Miller road, Genesee, Livingston, Wyoming counties, father (40, husband, narrator), Durham, NC, Howard great-grandfather died, Hazel 4 weeks, baby daughter/sister,
120 Part 2: Poetry Chapbooks Gravity Kills #1 (2011, 128) 8 poems
131 Gravity Kills #2 (2017, 140) 7 prose,
143-152 Part Three: Essays & flash nonfiction Briggs Avenue
Tennessee, Kristin,
153 Thin
155 Viscera
157 You & I
160 Hot & Cold
163 Blood Moon
165 Blur
169 Farthing Street
189 Part 4: Interviews
193 Trace Ramsey’s Brain Map
198-217 An Interview with J. David Osborne

I did not receive any type of compensation for reading & reviewing this book. While I receive free books from publishers & authors, I am under no obligation to write a positive review, only an honest one. All thoughts & opinions are entirely my own.

A very awesome book cover, great font & writing style. A fairly well written authors self-thoughts or prose, poems book. It was very easy for me to read/follow from start/finish & never a dull moment. There were no grammar/typo errors, nor any repetitive or out of line sequence sentences. Lots of exciting scenarios, with several twists/turns & a great set of unique characters to keep track of. It started out with a bang & then fizzled out. That said I will only rate it at 4/5 stars.

Thank you for the free Goodreads; Making Connections; pioneers press; Author; PDF book
Tony Parsons MSW (Washburn)

[Ramon Gil · Rating 5 out of 5]

How would we feel to say we have not overcome something? Nobody likes saying they were not there at all, but it is a comfort to hear that someone else has been. Like those who rant about higher power, kingdom come and some form of glory. We all need the less glorious testimonials of personal struggle. You can argue that some problems arent so unique, but they are deffinately real.
It is far better to fill the void with something real when you can come across it, in whatever form it may be. Embedded far between the lines of stories are things that other authors cant deliver so its up to us to paint a portrait. It's exhausting.
I appreciate what is written and how it is written, very personal and nostalgic. Trace Ramsey has a focus on how emotions are charged when the world interacts with itself and when circumstances don't hold up to picture perfect. It's an essential read because aren't we always looking to find the words that let us know someone understands? The overwhelming horrors of uncontrollable things and the beautiful fragments that hold up our lives. The good and bad it's all pieced together very well.
Those of us with problems dont need someone to come in and fix them or walk us through it all. We just need to know some understands and not just say "we all have problems". So whatever way it is we do it, we can pull ourselves up by the boot straps.

Thank you sir for letting us in.

[Jaime Chandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a powerful, raw, and emotive book. Truly a work of art.

There is nothing off-limits in this exploration of personal history and current reality. Trace makes it easy to connect with his life through his words, to visualize the scenes, and to truly feel deep emotion.

As someone who has struggled with depression, I found this book to be helpful in processing my own pain. I read this while on a solo retreat and this book made for great company. I had no idea how much I needed this book and am grateful it exists. I very much look forward to reading more from Trace Ramsey in the future.

[Kurt · Rating 4 out of 5]

For my thoughts on Trace's writing, look no further than the blurb I wrote in the book:
“Trace Ramsey’s lush prose takes the reader into a challenging space. While it often settles into the darker realms of the mind, it is also contemplative and rewarding with a message of finding purpose in living life for those we love. Ramsey’s writing may find him walking alongside his demons, probing them, and conversing with them, but it is, ultimately, an uplifting look at the journey of life for those whose minds deal with mental illness on a daily basis.”

Great, touching writing. 4.5 out of 5.

[Amy Eller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trace Ramsey's voice is so real. The tone comes through the page as if you're sitting together on a front porch, talking about life's hard shit... and the trivial stuff too. I appreciate the dry honesty the most. In a world where everything gets sugar coated or photoshopped beyond recognition, it's refreshing to read words from someone who seems to simultaneously play the passive observer and the active participant in reality. There's a balance there that's hard to describe. I guess you just have to read it.

[Camille · Rating 4 out of 5]

Trace Ramsey writes with startling authenticity about fractured families, abuse, depression, and parenthood. There is nothing formulaic about this powerful collection of essays. Like chili-laced chocolate, his images are dark, rich, and sweet with a bite. Using nuanced observations and a deep appreciation for the indelible rhythms of life, All I Want To Do Is Live tackles a murky subject, and gives it clarity. Ramsey inhales beauty, exhales pain, and leaves his readers speechless.

[Matthew · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trace Ramsey is a gifted writer and storyteller. I relate so much when he speaks of depression and addiction and such. But he also brought me into the his world that I don't directly relate to, like childhood trauma and fatherhood, painting a picture of his life and its ups and downs and the drive to persevere through it. After spending a lot of time in the book, I was particularly moved by the later segment "Farthing Street." I don't want to spoil it further.
This is a gem of a collection from a writer who deserves more attention. Highly recommended.

[Bart Schaneman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Trace Ramsey imbues his writing with a humanity that can't be faked. He writes from a core of truth with illuminating, descriptive, deeply personal prose. If we read to learn we're not alone in our feelings, then this is a guide to understanding there are plenty of others out there who feel the same.

[Allie Mullin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vulnerable, raw, and familiar.

[Jessie McMains · Rating 5 out of 5]

One thing I've always admired about Trace's writing is that he manages to look back at the past without getting sentimental about it. His stories and essays are like autopsies, laying bare what it means to be part of a family, what it's like to struggle with depression, what it's like to be alive in this world; even the tender moments aren't over-romanticized. This is the hard stuff, the raw stuff, but there's beauty here, too--the beauty that comes from describing life as it is in all its heartbreak and its glory.

[L.C. Fiore · Rating 5 out of 5]

No one looks as closely at life as Trace Ramsey. He distills the quickest moment into something that stretches languorously outward, even while seeking a greater, inner truth.

"Pieces of a smashed vehicle grill edged the blacktop of the road. Glass sparkled quietly where the gravel merged with the grass, the edges fluid and undulating like the membrane of a massive ameoba. There were no skid marks on the pavement, no long ruts into soft weedy shoulder. The driver was long gone, leaving only hints of their movement and direction." (Quitter 10)

Whether writing about parenthood, the natural world, or growing up as one forever tested, Trace Ramsey demonstrates a supernatural sensitivity that allows him to ask honest questions and sometimes find answers without ever once sounding like a know-it-all.

To hear an excerpt from Quitter 7, "July," click here:

https://soundcloud.com/user-163516832...

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not my style

Good prose and style, but not my style. Depression is an important subject. I hope the book was cathartic for the author and others.

[Amy Soscia · Rating 4 out of 5]

"All I Want To Do Is Live" is an interesting collection of creative nonfiction using nature and Ramsey's love of birds as it's backdrop. His stories are peppered with painful childhood memories, his struggles with depression, and wonderfully tender moments with his young daughter, Tennessee. My favorite piece was "Farthing Street." This piece takes the reader into the author's heart and head. Ramsey's work is definitely worth reading!

[Erin Tuzuner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Personal and affecting prose stripping meat off the bone and asking you to stay a little longer.

[Ashleigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully written narrative. A raw exploration of addiction, depression, and parenthood

[Veronica · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was a surprise, lemme tell ya. Mainly, it was a surprise because I didn't read the back cover, and I mistook the vulture on the front for a dodo, so I went into it expecting comedy. It is not a comedy. Nonetheless, it's a good book, and some of the prose is really quite lovely. While it did kind of drag for me at places, that probably speaks more to my tastes as a reader than to the author's writing, and I did enjoy the book overall. My favorite quote is undoubtedly "There is nothing more beautiful and sinister than genetic inheritance. It is natural and robust, but also callous and unsympathetic." This quote in particular struck me as so eloquent and true that it immediately went in my file of favorite quotes and made the whole book worthwhile in my eyes. In short, worth the read.

[Carol Hanner · Rating 5 out of 5]

The poetic and sensory power of this book (and it does include some chapters that actually are poems) is wonderful. Ramsey has captured the darkness and stillness of depression with words and images that paradoxically convey energy, movement and loving detail rather than the apathy I would normally associate with clinical sadness. Don't miss it.

[Matte Resist · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book touches me but I wish it didn't, because in it beautifully describes what the depths of serious depression feels like. It's beautiful because he describes it so perfectly that I know someone else understands. When he writes about how it feels when you know you it's coming, when it's on the horizon and you know there's no stopping it, I can feel it. It might be because I keep reading "All I Want To Do Is Live" at this time of year when it's either creeping up on me, or has already enveloped me. Perhaps I would get something completely different out of this book if I read it in the middle of July. But I didn't, I just read it now. And the words hurt. When he writes about his worry of passing it along to his children, I think about my own offspring and how they're already starting to deal with these things and how I have no idea how to help them. There's something soul-soothing about knowing that someone else feels so similar and yet can still manage to put words together. It gives me a little hope. Maybe something worthwhile comes from all this.

[Bancha · Rating 4 out of 5]

A unique trip through the author's life through a collection of non-linear vignettes. This collection of essays take the reader back and forth through the author's current questions and challenges, as well as his childhood, rich with formative experiences. Powerful are the descriptions of both the natural world through which run as a constant in his life and in which he finds his center. His inner state is brought to life as well, as the emotions here are palpable. A very intimate look at the author, and his struggle to just Live.

[Dalice · Rating 5 out of 5]

"All I Want To Do Is Live" is a book of stories. They are the type of stories one would share with a friend. Intimate stories, brooding, but soft, inviting and contemplative. It's a book providing simple, glassy peepholes through which you can see, in colorful rabbit blood red and pecan hull greens, the life of a man figuring it all out. I want to figure it out too, so, of course I am rooting for him.

It's a book full stories, his stories. Pages full of his family, his children and his life. Sometime, yeah, the stories can be hard ones to tell. But, as with friends, somehow, you feel assured that while the ending may not be bright and resounding, your hero will continue on. These are stories to read when you need to be reminded that there's more to this life than just the hurt. That there can be more than just regrets and hardships. You know, maybe it's not a book of stories at all.

I think, maybe, really, it's a map.