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Backwards in high heels: the impossible art of being female
This smart and frank collection distills the trials and triumphs of being a woman, all in a gifty volume filled with whimsical fullcolor illustrations. In 15 subject-driven chapters relevant to women of all ages, authors Tania Kindersley and Sarah Vine's essays cover topics ranging from feminism to face cream, motherhood to money, and politics to perfection. Titles like “The Danger of Romantic Love,” “Why There is No Such Thing as a Guilt-Free Working Mother,” “How Not to Go Mad,” parts 1 and 2, and “Why There is No Excuse for Bad Sex” develop into a tuned and sophisticated voice that is at once a mother, best friend, and shrink, revising expectations, bashing stereotypes, and illuminating the experience of life. This is the ultimate sophisticated gift for any woman of any age. Both young and old will find familiarity in the admonitions, recollections, and powerful advice of two writers who have done it all. This “brilliant feat of realism,” so called by the Sunday Times Magazine , gently guides the way without claiming to have all the answers.
376 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2009
61 people are currently reading
657 people want to read
About the author
Tania Kindersley
36 books49 followersI live in Scotland where I write books and look after two antic lurchers and two gentle thoroughbred mares.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 61 reviews
April 29, 2019
Whilst I don't think I'm quite the target audience of this book I still couldn't quite see who it was far. It was mostly a how-to guide, taking the reader through the many stages of womanhood.
Most of the problems I had with the book was the sense that it was rather old fashioned. Upon first glance of the book you're under the impression it's a modern guide to being a woman and the struggles she will face. In reality it's more suitable for the older ladies in my life, I know my mum and sisters would love this book for example.
Overall it's definitely not a bad book, it all just feels very 'done before'. There were no major revelations for an adult woman, all grown women I know already know all these life facts. It just all felt a bit confused as to what it was meant to be.
Most of the problems I had with the book was the sense that it was rather old fashioned. Upon first glance of the book you're under the impression it's a modern guide to being a woman and the struggles she will face. In reality it's more suitable for the older ladies in my life, I know my mum and sisters would love this book for example.
Overall it's definitely not a bad book, it all just feels very 'done before'. There were no major revelations for an adult woman, all grown women I know already know all these life facts. It just all felt a bit confused as to what it was meant to be.
Currently reading
September 26, 2009I am only on page 25 and am in love with this book. I hope that it continues to be insightful and at times laughingly witty.
April 19, 2014
I particularly enjoyed the chapters on love, politics, and philosophy.
There did seem to be a disconnect happening, though. On the one hand, the authors would briefly mention slut-shaming, but then go straight on to say that we know through Evolutionary Psychology that men want lots of sex and women don't. They are really into their EP as an explanation for all behaviour differences between men and women, never mind society and all the ways that women's behaviour is controlled, either outright or by shame.
And, while making some noise about not being caught up in mad consumerism, they do write a lot about the restorative powers of lipstick or shoes or fancy moisturiser and the like. I note that one of the authors has been a beauty editor, and both have been journalists, so I guess they can't afford to anger the big advertisers.
Some good stuff, and a fun, light read, but I wouldn't take it too seriously.
ETA: And the authors are quite obviously very privileged, straight, white women, writing for the same.
There did seem to be a disconnect happening, though. On the one hand, the authors would briefly mention slut-shaming, but then go straight on to say that we know through Evolutionary Psychology that men want lots of sex and women don't. They are really into their EP as an explanation for all behaviour differences between men and women, never mind society and all the ways that women's behaviour is controlled, either outright or by shame.
And, while making some noise about not being caught up in mad consumerism, they do write a lot about the restorative powers of lipstick or shoes or fancy moisturiser and the like. I note that one of the authors has been a beauty editor, and both have been journalists, so I guess they can't afford to anger the big advertisers.
Some good stuff, and a fun, light read, but I wouldn't take it too seriously.
ETA: And the authors are quite obviously very privileged, straight, white women, writing for the same.
November 25, 2025
This lovely book had been sitting on my shelves for at least a couple of years, waiting for my attention. I appreciate that it was patient and then indulged me with reading it at a pace my k9 uses to chase squirrels in the yard. Funny at times, cynical in unexpected places, but a joy to read throughout. Oh, and the pages!...so wonderful that there isn't a one that I didn't pause to stare at or run my hand across. I doubt I will ever re-read it and it isn't one I will share or pass on to another woman, as I often do, because sadly...some of the information and anecdotes have become dated. That makes me sad. Perhaps it is time for a second round of "Backwards"!
May 13, 2012
Frank and witty, Kindersley candour is a welcomed fresh breeze on what it means to be female. Her voice lifts up and discusses a myriad of issues with lighthearted touch, seemingly lifting the heaviness that hangs in the balance of 'gender issues'.
June 15, 2016
I think this would make a perfect monthly read for a women's book club.
June 30, 2013
Great, fun, funny, yet practical advice about various facets of being a woman in the modern world. I want someone else I know to read this book so we can compare notes!
July 10, 2019
I guess, from the various references to age, that the authors, both women, were in their early to mid forties when they wrote this book, hence it is the distilled wisdom of those years, with a focus on the last section of them. In other words, there's little here for children, teenagers, men, old age pensioners or squirrels.
You'd think then that I'd be less entertained than I was.
Thing is though, there's a lot to be said for getting familiar with perspectives other than your own, even if you'd never in a million years want to hold them yourselves.
I mean, at the end of the day, we're all in this together. We all sleep on this planet, breathe the same air and look at the same moon. So why not get to know how the other half lives? Mutually understanding may not prevent all ills, but I can think of lots of situation that it would rub a little soothing lotion on.
So, yeah - there's lots here about women of a certain age. Read it, accept or reject if you will, but respect their right to say it and indulge your funny bone.
Did I mention that it's funny? Well, it is.
You'd think then that I'd be less entertained than I was.
Thing is though, there's a lot to be said for getting familiar with perspectives other than your own, even if you'd never in a million years want to hold them yourselves.
I mean, at the end of the day, we're all in this together. We all sleep on this planet, breathe the same air and look at the same moon. So why not get to know how the other half lives? Mutually understanding may not prevent all ills, but I can think of lots of situation that it would rub a little soothing lotion on.
So, yeah - there's lots here about women of a certain age. Read it, accept or reject if you will, but respect their right to say it and indulge your funny bone.
Did I mention that it's funny? Well, it is.
February 2, 2020
Feminism-lite. Disappointing book that skirts over the surface of contemporary feminist issues while doling out Cosmopolitan-like life advice. Occasionally funny but I didn't find it charming like others have. A lot fluffier than I expected and not the Feminism 101 primer I hoped it would be. Entirely written from a privileged white cis P.O.V and no consideration given for other perspectives. I will have to ask a mentor friend for better recommendations. However, I picked it up second hand so no great loss.
July 1, 2015
This book is adorable. Especially if you're an anglophile (guilty!), as the British-ness of the authors comes across very often.
This was written by two women and contains a ton of funny insights, useful tips, and some really great summaries of problems facing women in today's society (like how to eat healthy without losing the enjoyment of food).
It's a delightful read.
This was written by two women and contains a ton of funny insights, useful tips, and some really great summaries of problems facing women in today's society (like how to eat healthy without losing the enjoyment of food).
It's a delightful read.
January 1, 2013
Finally finished.
This is quite the coffee table book, rather than a front to back read.
For the amount of great pieces of writing and relatable quote's this book also has it's completely annoying dud's too. Hence the 3 stars which should really be 2 1/2.
The book claims to go against the grain and isn't your average 'cosmo read' that's aimed at women of today.
Fabulous!
It cover's majority of area's of a woman's life in several chapter's (food, health, men, grief, money, fashion, age, motherhood...and even a practical chapter with recipes and household tips) and many topic's within those chapter's.
One of my favourite's was this comical header: "How to read a fashion magazine without wanting to cut your head off with a penknife". Which also talks of the craziness some women put themselves through just to wear 5 inch heels, that men created, which don't even fit them but cost a small fortune. Great point's were made which made me want to share if with more women. I also thought the whole chapter on Grief was rather helpful and refreshing.
However...
Some parts were particularly pathetic.
Promoting one night stand's and alcohol abuse in order to get over a bad boyfriend? No thank you, it's not ok. This really frustrated me because they were onto a really good start within the book, but then they go ahead and actually promote something like that.
Isn't this the "cosmo, boozy, rhianna-back-with-her-woman-beating-pig-of-a-man generation" attitude which I thought they were trying to avoid??
How many people a woman sleeps with should not be glorified. Where is the modesty and dignity in that? Are you not a strong woman? why rely on such disgusting means when you are so much better?
Where is the respect to your future husband? It's not a competition of how many men you can get through, if that was it prostitutes would be highly respected people. This is playing into the man's world and in fact furthers a woman's insecurities if she needs that sort of action to "get over" something just to get an empty high. It maybe even lower than prostitute level.
It's a shame that virginity is so underrated these day's that it goes without mention in the book, too. Giving your body to any random guy is one problem of today's society. Look at all the latest MTV shows, if you're not familiar "teen mom" has nothing to do with music. I think if a book like this could focus on better thing's then it would do a world of good for the next generation of women. Who said you have to degrade yourself going from man to man, worsening the empty feeling as you go? What? Just because men do it, we should be able to too?? No, no no no, no. Why would you even want to be like that anyway? As a strong woman you should set your own bounds, you don't need that and I generally lose all respect for women who perform these action's and call themselves anything like a feminist. Decorum: look it up.
Being a feminist isn't about "men can do anything, so can I" (yes, we can do majority of thing's but there are thing's which are reserved for the male sex, for a reason) there is more depth to the sexes and most women lack the understanding or acknowledgement that in fact we are different for very different reason's. It's also about how we were created. I could go into alot more detail, perhaps in a blog post maybe, just not now as it's already 2am.
Perhaps they should have spent a chapter re-evaluating what feminism is and what it means today considering its a completely different world now than what it was in the 50's.
Then there's the point of 'hijab'. This is the only book (which isn't related to the religion Islam or Muslim women) which has actually used the word.
H-i-j-a-b.
I was happily surprised, at first.
After all, it is a book generally aimed at the self acclaimed feminist and there's nothing stronger than controlling who gets to see what part of you and when, that is true liberation. As a Muslim I find it redundant to even call myself a feminist because of the respect held for Muslim women. It's one reason why I reverted to Islam. The writing was so closed minded it was unreal, if somebody covered the topic of hijab in depth they'd see alot more than what generic western media like to spoon feed. As somebody who wears hijab, I just feel that those 1 or 2 short lines were lacking and they actually missed out on a golden opportunity for feminism, if it was a high five to the women who decide what they choose as opposed to the western norm. It is the Muslim women who had the right to vote 1400 years ago and not just within the last century, amongst other thing's. Do you know how frustrating that is to see people just pick it up and discard it because of ignorance??
I understand them mentioning the driving ban in Saudi later on in the book, because that is man made law, not law of a religion. I guess it's one of those thing's you have to endure reading word's of an atheist/agnostic and religion, with politic's had to come along somewhere and you know what they say about those.
So, I guess I would recommend it to other women, only if you already know yourself just to enjoy the good bit's, I feel if this was given to an impressionable woman it may do more harm than good.
If you can sieve through the rubbish for the enjoyable tidbit then by all means go ahead.
If not, give it a few year's.
This is quite the coffee table book, rather than a front to back read.
For the amount of great pieces of writing and relatable quote's this book also has it's completely annoying dud's too. Hence the 3 stars which should really be 2 1/2.
The book claims to go against the grain and isn't your average 'cosmo read' that's aimed at women of today.
Fabulous!
It cover's majority of area's of a woman's life in several chapter's (food, health, men, grief, money, fashion, age, motherhood...and even a practical chapter with recipes and household tips) and many topic's within those chapter's.
One of my favourite's was this comical header: "How to read a fashion magazine without wanting to cut your head off with a penknife". Which also talks of the craziness some women put themselves through just to wear 5 inch heels, that men created, which don't even fit them but cost a small fortune. Great point's were made which made me want to share if with more women. I also thought the whole chapter on Grief was rather helpful and refreshing.
However...
Some parts were particularly pathetic.
Promoting one night stand's and alcohol abuse in order to get over a bad boyfriend? No thank you, it's not ok. This really frustrated me because they were onto a really good start within the book, but then they go ahead and actually promote something like that.
Isn't this the "cosmo, boozy, rhianna-back-with-her-woman-beating-pig-of-a-man generation" attitude which I thought they were trying to avoid??
How many people a woman sleeps with should not be glorified. Where is the modesty and dignity in that? Are you not a strong woman? why rely on such disgusting means when you are so much better?
Where is the respect to your future husband? It's not a competition of how many men you can get through, if that was it prostitutes would be highly respected people. This is playing into the man's world and in fact furthers a woman's insecurities if she needs that sort of action to "get over" something just to get an empty high. It maybe even lower than prostitute level.
It's a shame that virginity is so underrated these day's that it goes without mention in the book, too. Giving your body to any random guy is one problem of today's society. Look at all the latest MTV shows, if you're not familiar "teen mom" has nothing to do with music. I think if a book like this could focus on better thing's then it would do a world of good for the next generation of women. Who said you have to degrade yourself going from man to man, worsening the empty feeling as you go? What? Just because men do it, we should be able to too?? No, no no no, no. Why would you even want to be like that anyway? As a strong woman you should set your own bounds, you don't need that and I generally lose all respect for women who perform these action's and call themselves anything like a feminist. Decorum: look it up.
Being a feminist isn't about "men can do anything, so can I" (yes, we can do majority of thing's but there are thing's which are reserved for the male sex, for a reason) there is more depth to the sexes and most women lack the understanding or acknowledgement that in fact we are different for very different reason's. It's also about how we were created. I could go into alot more detail, perhaps in a blog post maybe, just not now as it's already 2am.
Perhaps they should have spent a chapter re-evaluating what feminism is and what it means today considering its a completely different world now than what it was in the 50's.
Then there's the point of 'hijab'. This is the only book (which isn't related to the religion Islam or Muslim women) which has actually used the word.
H-i-j-a-b.
I was happily surprised, at first.
After all, it is a book generally aimed at the self acclaimed feminist and there's nothing stronger than controlling who gets to see what part of you and when, that is true liberation. As a Muslim I find it redundant to even call myself a feminist because of the respect held for Muslim women. It's one reason why I reverted to Islam. The writing was so closed minded it was unreal, if somebody covered the topic of hijab in depth they'd see alot more than what generic western media like to spoon feed. As somebody who wears hijab, I just feel that those 1 or 2 short lines were lacking and they actually missed out on a golden opportunity for feminism, if it was a high five to the women who decide what they choose as opposed to the western norm. It is the Muslim women who had the right to vote 1400 years ago and not just within the last century, amongst other thing's. Do you know how frustrating that is to see people just pick it up and discard it because of ignorance??
I understand them mentioning the driving ban in Saudi later on in the book, because that is man made law, not law of a religion. I guess it's one of those thing's you have to endure reading word's of an atheist/agnostic and religion, with politic's had to come along somewhere and you know what they say about those.
So, I guess I would recommend it to other women, only if you already know yourself just to enjoy the good bit's, I feel if this was given to an impressionable woman it may do more harm than good.
If you can sieve through the rubbish for the enjoyable tidbit then by all means go ahead.
If not, give it a few year's.
June 7, 2018
A very witty, intelligent, and classy read. I left this book feeling much more empowered and radically feminine.
August 21, 2018
Entertaining, informative and empowering!
November 21, 2018
Found it to be insightful and whitty finished it feeling slightly more empowered
November 27, 2020
Alllll over the place.
January 14, 2025
A very enjoyable read. Full of wisdom. I laughed out loud at a few parts.
April 14, 2025
Just couldn't relate; goofy parodies, unfamiliar British terms, and useless essays in my opinion. One of the rare books that I did not finish, although I tried. Sorry, that's my opinion.
January 8, 2017
Ironico,buffo, leggero.
September 12, 2012
Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels. This famous assertion is the headline of Tania Kindersley and Sarah Vine’s modern guide to life as a woman. The tone is friendly and the advice is cheering. It was a supreme joy to read. It is the antidote to all the women’s literature and magazines that proscribe strict beauty regimes, career plans and parenting perfection that amount to an implausible, and frankly tiring, way to live. By drawing from their own life experience, they provide a guide that is sensitive to the complexities of modern life and celebrates a range of female achievements and lifestyle choices.
The wittily titled chapters are brief enough to dip in to, but still retain impressive depth of insight and understanding. For example, ‘The Art of Reconciling the Fantasy World of Work Painted for Your Younger Self With the Mundane and Often Alarming Adult Reality’, ‘How To Call in the Perspective Police’ and ‘How To Read a Fashion Magazine Without Wanting To Cut Your Head Off With a Penknife’ were particularly pleasing and heartening.
It covers multiple facets of life including love, loss, philosophy, friendship, finance, age and politics. Additionally, the ‘Practical Chapter’ has everything from recipes to how to deal with a bore. As well as being thoroughly useful, it is a beautiful book. The illustrations throughout are charming and it even comes with a ribbon to keep your page! They really have thought of everything.
More on http://eveproofreads.com/2012/07/25/b...
The wittily titled chapters are brief enough to dip in to, but still retain impressive depth of insight and understanding. For example, ‘The Art of Reconciling the Fantasy World of Work Painted for Your Younger Self With the Mundane and Often Alarming Adult Reality’, ‘How To Call in the Perspective Police’ and ‘How To Read a Fashion Magazine Without Wanting To Cut Your Head Off With a Penknife’ were particularly pleasing and heartening.
It covers multiple facets of life including love, loss, philosophy, friendship, finance, age and politics. Additionally, the ‘Practical Chapter’ has everything from recipes to how to deal with a bore. As well as being thoroughly useful, it is a beautiful book. The illustrations throughout are charming and it even comes with a ribbon to keep your page! They really have thought of everything.
More on http://eveproofreads.com/2012/07/25/b...
June 30, 2010
Loved this book !!! I have to say i initially picked it up because i liked the look of the cover. I was instantly hooked and felt like i really wanted to spread the word,run out and buy it for all my friends. I read this while spending my day lounging around a local park in the sunshine. I must say i did receive quite a few curious looks from passerbys as i knowingly laughed to myself, this book is really light hearted and pokes fun at the sometimes ridiculous expectations we set ourselves as women. It is full of wisdom which yes when you sit down and think about it we all know, but sometimes we can forget! It is witty and truely a book that i will return to time and time again. Buy it ...
April 22, 2017
I really wanted to like this book. I loved the idea of it. But the reality is it was a bit of a bore. The insights weren't anything I hadn't heard before or figured out on my own. But I'm a free-spirited Millennial and perhaps it's not fair for me to compare what I've had the privilege of discovering in my short years against those of an older generation of women. If you haven't spent a lot of time doing some self reflection or soul searching, this might be a great book for you. If you're middle-aged and looking for a little extra guidance in a fast paced world, read this book. But if you frequently take time to explore yourself and what defines you in this moment in time, don't waste your time with this book.
April 19, 2013
Quintessential girlfriends...and this is a funny duo! Keep it on your shelf for any of those dire moments you just need to reach your best friend who happens to live a gazillion time zones away and you don't have the heart to ring her up in the middle of the night. This book, written by two witty British women, does make it all better like a pot of tea - no, not the soothing kind, far from it. It's basically tells you, in the charming yet teeth-gritting British way, that it wasn't that big a deal after all.
Oh, the ILLUSTRATIONS! It is the biscuit coming with the tea. They are ultra chic and feminine and thoughtful and whimsical.
Oh, the ILLUSTRATIONS! It is the biscuit coming with the tea. They are ultra chic and feminine and thoughtful and whimsical.
July 12, 2013
I'm calling a spade a spade: this is a coffee table or bathroom book. While charming, mainly because its authors are British and so particular word choices or phrases are amusing to my American ears, this book about women neglects non-heterosexual women, never mind women of color, transgender or transsexual women, nor does it address any social issues of remote controversy or even advice that hasn't been heard before. But good for a gift, I suppose.
January 7, 2014
What a perfect holiday gift from a girlfriend! I spent the first half reading snippets aloud to my husband on a 6 hr car ride home. The first half of the book held my attention, certain chapters were incredibly humorous and insightful, 'career', 'men' & 'grief' while others I blew over. As other reviewers noted, it's a great book to pick up when facing a certain obstacle and as a coffee table read. Beautiful illustrations by Maria Munoz and a myriad of clever quotes decorate the pages.
July 30, 2014
A light hearted look at being female in a modern and often contradictory world. A few good laughs and some poignant moments make it compelling reading, though some of the views held didn't resonate with me personally and at times seemed either contradictory or terribly one sided. A good read but probably not one I would recommend first off to a friend if they wanted to read an empowering feminine diatribe.
Currently reading
October 19, 2016This is so emotional to say but, yes.. it isn't an overwhelmed things to say that this book bring me a joy for the first time I saw it. It was like, it is just happen when I bought and brought it home then read it. You will find some anecdotes and stuffs. Thus, when you laugh at your self, you are success to remake something that wasn't right in your mind to be something different :3
Go find out yourself then!
Go find out yourself then!
April 19, 2011
A totally delightful book full small essays on subjects ranging from marriage, sex, religion, food, politics,etc.. all from a very witty British perspective. I picked it up because I loved the title and the color of the book and took a chance, and I am lucky that I did. This would make a great present for a good girlfriends birthday; I know that I would like it.
July 18, 2011
This book is two women's witty musings on what it is like to be female. While you will find some practical advice this book is not a self-help book but more of a deeper look at why we make certain decisions and how people, things and events in our lives help to shape who we are. An enjoyable and insightful read.
January 3, 2012
This felt like having a conversation with your friends over drinks. I love how they take a lot of the things that women are "supposed" to think/feel/do/buy, etc and reinforce why it's ok NOT to. Sometimes I feel like magazines, blogs, etc put pressure on women to be and do everything, and it's nice to be reminded that we just have to be ourselves and that's enough.
February 14, 2014
Though slightly cliche or obvious at times, the text nonetheless is thought-inspiring about the state of the modern female. Most interesting was the commentary on love and marriage and what society (slash rom coms) has set for the ideal. The discussion of marriage and intimacy was insightful too-- perhaps a cute, enjoyable gift for a bride-to-be, even if not much with literary merit.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 61 reviews