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13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do: Raising Self-Assured Children and Training Their Brains for a Life of Happiness, Meaning, and Success
The author of the international bestseller 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do turns her focus to parents, teaching them how to raise mentally strong and resilient children.
Do today’s children lack the flexibility and mental strength they need to cope with life’s challenges in an increasingly complicated and scary world? With safe spaces and trigger warnings designed to "protect" kids, many adults worry that children don’t have the resilience to reach their greatest potential. Amy Morin, the author who identified the characteristics that mentally strong people share, now gives adults—parents, teachers, and other mentors—the tools they need to become mental strength trainers. While other books tell parents what to do, Amy teaches parents what "not to do," which she says is equally important in raising mentally strong youngsters.
As a foster parent, psychotherapist, and expert in family and teen therapy, Amy has witnessed first-hand what works. When children have the skills they need to deal with challenges in their everyday lives, they can flourish socially, emotionally, behaviorally, and academically. With appropriate support, encouragement, and guidance from adults, kids grow stronger and become better.
Drawing on her experiences and insight, 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do combines case studies, practical tips, specific strategies, and concrete and proven exercises to help children of all ages—from preschoolers to teenagers—build mental muscle and develop into healthy, strong adults.
Do today’s children lack the flexibility and mental strength they need to cope with life’s challenges in an increasingly complicated and scary world? With safe spaces and trigger warnings designed to "protect" kids, many adults worry that children don’t have the resilience to reach their greatest potential. Amy Morin, the author who identified the characteristics that mentally strong people share, now gives adults—parents, teachers, and other mentors—the tools they need to become mental strength trainers. While other books tell parents what to do, Amy teaches parents what "not to do," which she says is equally important in raising mentally strong youngsters.
As a foster parent, psychotherapist, and expert in family and teen therapy, Amy has witnessed first-hand what works. When children have the skills they need to deal with challenges in their everyday lives, they can flourish socially, emotionally, behaviorally, and academically. With appropriate support, encouragement, and guidance from adults, kids grow stronger and become better.
Drawing on her experiences and insight, 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do combines case studies, practical tips, specific strategies, and concrete and proven exercises to help children of all ages—from preschoolers to teenagers—build mental muscle and develop into healthy, strong adults.
353 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 23, 2014
873 people are currently reading
5395 people want to read
About the author
Amy Morin
24 books639 followersAmy Morin is a psychotherapist and the award-winning host of Mentally Stronger, one of the top health podcasts in the world.
She's an international bestselling author of five books on mental strength. Her books, including 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, have been translated into more than 40 languages.
Forbes calls her a "thought leadership star" and The Guardian dubbed her "the self-help guru of the moment."
She's an international bestselling author of five books on mental strength. Her books, including 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, have been translated into more than 40 languages.
Forbes calls her a "thought leadership star" and The Guardian dubbed her "the self-help guru of the moment."
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 217 reviews
November 26, 2017
I really dislike stuff that sets up a dichotomy between "strong" vs. "weak." The author does indicate that when she says "mentally strong," she means people who have put in mental work, and I do agree with her basic idea that a lot of mental health practices require practice and repetition, much like lifting weights. But the fact remains that the natural opposite of "mentally strong" is "mentally weak," and I just don't feel comfortable with that. It's like someone standing over you going, "what are you, WEAK? Show 'em what you're made of!"
The author also does not take any pains at all to differentiate how one separates, for example, a "victim mentality" (something she feels a lot of people have) from a realistic recognition of the ways that issues like racism and economic status can play into people's outlook. Basically, this book exists in a kind of social vacuum, and the author never even acknowledges these factors, let alone giving the reader tips on how to help their child differentiate. It feels very much like it's written by someone with a fair amount of privilege, with the intended audience being other people with a fair amount of privilege.
All that said, by and large I don't disagree with the substance -- there are some pretty helpful tips. I just don't particularly like the presentation.
The author also does not take any pains at all to differentiate how one separates, for example, a "victim mentality" (something she feels a lot of people have) from a realistic recognition of the ways that issues like racism and economic status can play into people's outlook. Basically, this book exists in a kind of social vacuum, and the author never even acknowledges these factors, let alone giving the reader tips on how to help their child differentiate. It feels very much like it's written by someone with a fair amount of privilege, with the intended audience being other people with a fair amount of privilege.
All that said, by and large I don't disagree with the substance -- there are some pretty helpful tips. I just don't particularly like the presentation.
September 29, 2017
Review originally posted @ Reading Lark: http://readinglark.blogspot.com/2017/...
When I reviewed Amy Morin's book, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, a few years ago, one of the things I most wanted to ask was a way to teach my children the skills and habits she talked about. I was excited to see the parenting version of 13 Things pop up this month. Although it is more for the parents than the children, it gives caregivers a framework for helping children build the grit, resolve, and mental strength they'll need as they learn and grow.
I am the mother of six amazing and energetic kids. Most of the time they are a joy to be around, but occasionally their energy leads me to call them my terrifying space monkeys. Naturally, because I was reading a parenting book, the Universe (or Coincidence if you prefer) decided that my kids should help me put Ms. Morin's suggestions to the test for a couple of weeks by pushing boundaries more aggressively than usual. Here is what we found.
In our family, the most important "don'ts" to work on are giving kids too much power (chapter 5), letting kids avoid responsibility (chapter 7), and taking shortcuts (chapter 12) which is pretty much the fuel for the first two. I am a short-cutter. There, I said it. With six space monkeys and a husband who travels frequently, I am often completely spent at the end of the day and just don't have the energy to avoid the other pitfalls. Morin's suggestions, however, have helped quite a bit.
In each of the chapters of 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do, Morin explains the problem habit clearly. She gives great annecdotes to illustrate her points, all while making sure that her suggestions are grounded in the latest science. The short TL;DR highlights sections at the end of each chapter are helpful refreshers and a great starting point to identify specific parenting behaviors both to incorporate and to avoid. The book is clear, logical, and more-or-less chapter independent. I think if a reader were to simply scan the Table of Contents, it would be easy to dive into just the issues that applied to that reader's parenting habits.
I've read literally dozens of parenting books over the last fifteen years, and this is one of the best I've read for empowering parents to do better at the most important job they will ever have.
When I reviewed Amy Morin's book, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, a few years ago, one of the things I most wanted to ask was a way to teach my children the skills and habits she talked about. I was excited to see the parenting version of 13 Things pop up this month. Although it is more for the parents than the children, it gives caregivers a framework for helping children build the grit, resolve, and mental strength they'll need as they learn and grow.
I am the mother of six amazing and energetic kids. Most of the time they are a joy to be around, but occasionally their energy leads me to call them my terrifying space monkeys. Naturally, because I was reading a parenting book, the Universe (or Coincidence if you prefer) decided that my kids should help me put Ms. Morin's suggestions to the test for a couple of weeks by pushing boundaries more aggressively than usual. Here is what we found.
In our family, the most important "don'ts" to work on are giving kids too much power (chapter 5), letting kids avoid responsibility (chapter 7), and taking shortcuts (chapter 12) which is pretty much the fuel for the first two. I am a short-cutter. There, I said it. With six space monkeys and a husband who travels frequently, I am often completely spent at the end of the day and just don't have the energy to avoid the other pitfalls. Morin's suggestions, however, have helped quite a bit.
In each of the chapters of 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do, Morin explains the problem habit clearly. She gives great annecdotes to illustrate her points, all while making sure that her suggestions are grounded in the latest science. The short TL;DR highlights sections at the end of each chapter are helpful refreshers and a great starting point to identify specific parenting behaviors both to incorporate and to avoid. The book is clear, logical, and more-or-less chapter independent. I think if a reader were to simply scan the Table of Contents, it would be easy to dive into just the issues that applied to that reader's parenting habits.
I've read literally dozens of parenting books over the last fifteen years, and this is one of the best I've read for empowering parents to do better at the most important job they will ever have.
August 30, 2017
This was an unexpected perfect summer read. I feel more empowered in my parenting now, and I feel more confident that as I continue to practice the suggestions in the book, I send two mentally strong boys out into the world. Thanks for writing such a needed book Amy. One surprising bonus as a result of reading 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do, is that I have a better understanding of the adults that I know. This is a book that I'm sure will continue to be beneficial for years to come. My boys are 6 and 18 (in 3 days).
April 11, 2020
So, so helpful. This is a great book for parents/caregivers of toddlers to teenagers. Here is the 13 things mentally strong parents don't do:
1. Condone a victim mentality
2. Parent out of guilt
3. Make their child the center of the universe
4. Allow fear to dictate their choices
5. Give their child power over them
6. Expect perfection
7. Let their child avoid responsibility
8. Shield their child from pain
9. Feel responsible for their child’s emotions
10. Prevent their child from making mistakes
11. Confuse discipline with punishment
12. Take shortcuts to avoid discomfort
13. Lose sight of their values
13 Things helped me realize some parenting mistakes I was making and also lead me to make some positive changes in my parenting. This book also helped me view myself as a parent in a more positive way. I highly recommend this book.
1. Condone a victim mentality
2. Parent out of guilt
3. Make their child the center of the universe
4. Allow fear to dictate their choices
5. Give their child power over them
6. Expect perfection
7. Let their child avoid responsibility
8. Shield their child from pain
9. Feel responsible for their child’s emotions
10. Prevent their child from making mistakes
11. Confuse discipline with punishment
12. Take shortcuts to avoid discomfort
13. Lose sight of their values
13 Things helped me realize some parenting mistakes I was making and also lead me to make some positive changes in my parenting. This book also helped me view myself as a parent in a more positive way. I highly recommend this book.
January 22, 2020
I've recently read "the self driven child" and "raising happiness" and thought I would cap off my parenting book binge with this one.
The intro was promising but then it became clear that the author was coming from an obvious place of privilege as she made her way through the victim hood chapter. She then gave a very 1960`s children should be seen and not heard vibe while talking about power dynamics in a family. I have decided not to finish the book, though she does provide some great points I found the overall approach sanctimonious and many of her points conflict with more modern parenting books written by neuropsychologists and other child psychiatric professionals. The book isn't bad, it just isn't good.
The intro was promising but then it became clear that the author was coming from an obvious place of privilege as she made her way through the victim hood chapter. She then gave a very 1960`s children should be seen and not heard vibe while talking about power dynamics in a family. I have decided not to finish the book, though she does provide some great points I found the overall approach sanctimonious and many of her points conflict with more modern parenting books written by neuropsychologists and other child psychiatric professionals. The book isn't bad, it just isn't good.
November 30, 2017
I think Morin makes a lot of valid points. I also think that, taken as a whole, the book really is a hidden list for what the perfect parent should be. I know many wonderful parents, and each of them would be missing a step or two along the way. For the tired, worried parent this book may give them clarity on where they are weak, but is a bit skimpier in the hope and help department. Perhaps someone would gain insight but perhaps that same parent would feel called out and not helped.
February 20, 2020
I like how direct and clear the instructions in this book are. I also like the stories and enjoyed telling them to my kid.
September 26, 2019
I didn’t read her previous bestselling book, and thought this spinoff would be a better, more relevant place to start. Not even a quarter way through and already know this is not the parenting book that will be helpful to me. Information feels extremely outdated.
January 15, 2018
I see this book as a structured catalog of things that can go wrong. So that one could just open a chapter and gain some insights. I have also found this book to be auto-therapeutic. I could reflect a lot on how my parents behaved and how did that affect me. I also found useful that Amy gives an advice for different age groups, so I think it's going to be sitting on my table for the following 10-15 years. In some chapters though I wanted more context because it felt like all the issues were magically resolved after applying advice.
January 30, 2021
Pavadinimas iš pirmo žvilgsnio clickbaitinis, bet turiu pripažinti, kad jis yra tikslus. Knyga visiškai atitinka pavadinimą, yra joje trylika „nedarymų“ ir apie kiekvieną išvystyta tema.
Didžiai įvertinau šią knygą už tai, kad ji yra be trečdalio pezalų, blevyzgų ir viliojimų: uoj, kaip čia mes išsiaiškinom; uoj, kaip ir jūs tuoj sužinosit; uoj, dar biškį palaukit, dar reikia keturioliktos įžangos, nu bet jau tuoj tuoj viską sužinosit ir bus jums baisiai gerai.
Pradžioj – trumpas autorės prisistatymas, paskui iškart pirmas skyrius ir iškart tiesiai šviesiai prie reikalo su situacijomis, sprendimais, palyginimais ir tips&tricks. Koncentratas stačiai, sakyčiau.
Tad visiems tėvams, kurie nori būti tvirti savo būdu, puiki knyga. Laiko irgi sugaišite, mano galva, gerokai mažiau, nei skaitydami daugybę kitų labiau beletristinių knygų. Vaikų amžiaus spektras irgi platus, dažnai išskiriami skirtingi auklėjimo metodai ir pavyzdžiai pagal tarpsnius: ikimokyklinukai, mokiniai, paaugliai.
Didžiai įvertinau šią knygą už tai, kad ji yra be trečdalio pezalų, blevyzgų ir viliojimų: uoj, kaip čia mes išsiaiškinom; uoj, kaip ir jūs tuoj sužinosit; uoj, dar biškį palaukit, dar reikia keturioliktos įžangos, nu bet jau tuoj tuoj viską sužinosit ir bus jums baisiai gerai.
Pradžioj – trumpas autorės prisistatymas, paskui iškart pirmas skyrius ir iškart tiesiai šviesiai prie reikalo su situacijomis, sprendimais, palyginimais ir tips&tricks. Koncentratas stačiai, sakyčiau.
Tad visiems tėvams, kurie nori būti tvirti savo būdu, puiki knyga. Laiko irgi sugaišite, mano galva, gerokai mažiau, nei skaitydami daugybę kitų labiau beletristinių knygų. Vaikų amžiaus spektras irgi platus, dažnai išskiriami skirtingi auklėjimo metodai ir pavyzdžiai pagal tarpsnius: ikimokyklinukai, mokiniai, paaugliai.
September 2, 2019
This book was helpful for prompting thoughtful examination of assumptions around parenting and gave useful tips and suggestions for figuring out what works best for each child (and parents). I was disappointed in her seemingly dismissive stance around mental/emotional strength vs. what she called “political correctness” and some misinterpretations of research.
She isn’t the only one over many years to miss some glaring oversights in reporting and interpreting the (in)famous marshmallow test:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.thea...
She isn’t the only one over many years to miss some glaring oversights in reporting and interpreting the (in)famous marshmallow test:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.thea...
September 14, 2021
DNF @ 64% when author supported insensitive cultural appropriation and racism. The book started off ok but it soon became clear that the author entirely dismissed factors like abuse, trauma, socioeconomic class, race, and all forms of neurodivergency.
January 18, 2023
Read! Buy! I’m ordering this now and using it as my life guide. The author provides clear, actionable advice that supports compassionate parenting and parenting with high expectations. They’re not opposites. They go hand in hand. 🤌 Perfection 👏🏻
October 11, 2017
Meh. The book seemed repetitive and wasn’t really anything new.
March 2, 2019
Good lessons with lots of practical, ready to implement strategies.
November 25, 2018
Written from a coaching lens by a psychotherapist/social worker who is also a foster mom to children with challenging backgrounds, this book is an excellent primer on how to empower your child. Morin teaches tactics that instill a growth mindset and can-do attitude in kids as young as three instead of inadvertently supporting victimhood, manipulation and ruthless competitiveness. Morin emphasizes ethical alignment, consistency, and reward-based incentives, taking a page from adult behavior change methodologies. As a professional coach specializing in behavior modification, I found her approach comfortably familiar and yet learned a ton while identifying some of my blindspots, as well as gaining insight on how to address my shortcomings.
This is a jaw-droppingly helpful book for parents who are willing to put in the work rather than leaning on easy short-term "solutions" which set families up for drama and heartache down the road. My husband's reading it now, and it's a manual we'll come back to again and again. I love how she summarizes each chapter in bullet points for quick reference.
This is a jaw-droppingly helpful book for parents who are willing to put in the work rather than leaning on easy short-term "solutions" which set families up for drama and heartache down the road. My husband's reading it now, and it's a manual we'll come back to again and again. I love how she summarizes each chapter in bullet points for quick reference.
January 6, 2020
Book No.1 of 2020
Started out as ⭐️⭐️⭐️
(Little bit of a blind spot/privilege vibe I forget where now but it was there)
Finished as a very solid ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.
This was a very practical and useful book. I would argue that all would benefit from learning this stuff, not just parents, because in the end it’s about becoming a better human and living a life of integrity, alignment, and self-awareness. When I say practical, I mean I could identify specific things I did « wrong » that I could improve to be a better parent. I was able to implement new habits and behaviours immediately. This is a really great book to read with a partner or co-parent. Lots of discussion points and room for nuanced views.
Started out as ⭐️⭐️⭐️
(Little bit of a blind spot/privilege vibe I forget where now but it was there)
Finished as a very solid ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.
This was a very practical and useful book. I would argue that all would benefit from learning this stuff, not just parents, because in the end it’s about becoming a better human and living a life of integrity, alignment, and self-awareness. When I say practical, I mean I could identify specific things I did « wrong » that I could improve to be a better parent. I was able to implement new habits and behaviours immediately. This is a really great book to read with a partner or co-parent. Lots of discussion points and room for nuanced views.
July 30, 2024
This was expertly written. I would recommend this book to anyone who has kids of any age. We live in a generation where kids are facing things that the generations before them never had to and therefore, require different battle strategies. Each chapter is dedicated to a way to make your child stronger by avoiding certain parenting styles. She includes trouble shooting at the end of each chapter as well. I listened to this as an audiobook but I will definitely be buying a physical copy. So that I can go through the material again and again.
August 26, 2022
A fabulous read for parents, grandparents, and anyone who interacts with children. Great advice with many examples for dealing with children and negative behavior.
The author is very knowledgeable as a social worker, therapist and foster parent.
The author is very knowledgeable as a social worker, therapist and foster parent.
December 6, 2023
Let's put a fact first I'm learning parenting in this age or looking up some book's for future. This author make my heart swell with pride, that how can a women be so strong and defeat every block's she's getting in her life.
February 11, 2024
Parents are normally too focused on child’s academic achievements that they forgot about the moral, behavior parts, which are equally important in deciding their child future success. This book will show you how to balance between the two worlds.
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October 30, 2024I think this is one of the better books I've read in a few years regarding children/parenting/etc. It definitely may induce some personal discomfort and/or uncomfortable conversations. However, I think these are precisely the conversations that need to be occurring in society. Though I am not a parent, I immensely benefited from this book in my role as a teacher and as an individual who is surrounded by children and most importantly as someone who wants to see children be successful. This, coupled with The Anxious Generation, in my mind has the potential to make great waves in the next generation of children and how they can become strong, resilient individuals.
December 9, 2017
Great, practical and real life tales, tips and advice.
June 7, 2022
Needed that, probably will do audiobook again in the future.
September 5, 2019
When you read a book and you find many explanations about yourself as a person, your preferences and values and, a book is not about your personal growth and development, but about child’s, you cannot evaluate this star-book less than 5!
Examples rich content, well structured. Enjoyed every page and I think I will open this book few times in the future again, just to remind myself how correctly put values into words and actions.
Examples rich content, well structured. Enjoyed every page and I think I will open this book few times in the future again, just to remind myself how correctly put values into words and actions.
March 20, 2024
So this was a book of decent information…but it wasn’t new information for me thus I ended up skimming a lot of it.
May 7, 2024
من أفضل الكتب في مجال تربية الاطفال ..قرأت كتب عديدة لكن هذا الكتاب في نظري دواء ووقاية من كثير مشكلات نفسية وذهنية أنصح كل والد بقرائته لانه كتاب من خبرة سنوات للكاتبة المختصة آمي مورين...
طريقة تنظيم الكتاب وسلاسته وتقسيمه رائعة ..أحببت تقسيم الكتاب في نهاية كل فصل مثل الفخاخ و المشكلات الشائعة وما هو مفيد وغير مفيد ..
إن كان هناك كتاب واحد لا بد من قرائته في مجال التربية سيكون هذا الكتاب.....
طريقة تنظيم الكتاب وسلاسته وتقسيمه رائعة ..أحببت تقسيم الكتاب في نهاية كل فصل مثل الفخاخ و المشكلات الشائعة وما هو مفيد وغير مفيد ..
إن كان هناك كتاب واحد لا بد من قرائته في مجال التربية سيكون هذا الكتاب.....
July 21, 2021
Morin's books read like a practical series on resilience. This parenting-focused one is the best I've read so far. Highly recommend.
June 29, 2019
Some helpful insights, but a lot of repetition. Worth reading the chapter summaries though!
November 28, 2021
There are some good tokens of information to be taken away from this book but there are quite a few books that offer this information in a much better and more effective way. The book encourages manipulation of behavior that have been clearly disproven as effective ways to work with children.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 217 reviews