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New Year, Same Trash: Resolutions I Absolutely Did Not Keep
Comedian, blogger and essayist Samantha Irby is not going to be a better person this year than she was last. Nope. With a small group of woo-woo others, Irby sets seventy micro-resolutions, and then—with the rest of us—she fails at almost every single one of them.
Thoughtful, witty, poignant—the failed intentions in New Year Same Trash will make you laugh and cry. Because you know you’ve been there. You can’t wake up in time to go to brunch. Swimming three times a week? Who are you kidding. You’re not going to shower every day or pack your lunch every day. You’re definitely not going to choose a smart movie over mindless entertainment, because you’re tired. You’re lazy. And, no, you’re never going to be a positive thinker. “I didn’t do this. I’m gonna. Maybe.” Don’t worry. It’s okay. There’s always next year. Instantly recognizable to anyone who’s ever failed to make goals and stick with them, New Year Same Trash will bring hilarious relief.
A Vintage Shorts Original. An ebook short.
Thoughtful, witty, poignant—the failed intentions in New Year Same Trash will make you laugh and cry. Because you know you’ve been there. You can’t wake up in time to go to brunch. Swimming three times a week? Who are you kidding. You’re not going to shower every day or pack your lunch every day. You’re definitely not going to choose a smart movie over mindless entertainment, because you’re tired. You’re lazy. And, no, you’re never going to be a positive thinker. “I didn’t do this. I’m gonna. Maybe.” Don’t worry. It’s okay. There’s always next year. Instantly recognizable to anyone who’s ever failed to make goals and stick with them, New Year Same Trash will bring hilarious relief.
A Vintage Shorts Original. An ebook short.
28 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 24, 2017
226 people are currently reading
5568 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 255 reviews
January 1, 2024
my goal for 2023? to not make any goals.
last year, i read Consent: A Memoir as my first 2022 book. i think the title says enough. for this year, i wanted to read another memoir, one “similar,” of an author/celebrity/famous person and their life. i wanted to make a tradition of it, where i’d start the year off a certain way. although not exactly the same type of memoir, it focuses on the author.
i’m the type of person who likes living life as it goes. plans and i never go well. there’s a reason i always procrastinate. the only ‘reading goal’ was this: to read a non-fiction, biographical-type story.
so here we are.
i ended up writing my 32-page thesis for my capstone class this semester in 11 hours, even though i had four months to work on it. every time i went to class, the professor would remind us to please not start the project last minute because of how crucial the research is. although my topic is one i’m passionate about (i’m going for an honors thesis next semester!), there was a lot i could’ve worked on and done better. but you know what happened? i got 49/50 on that paper. 32 pages of non stop research done in a single day. i can’t tell you how many times i have proven myself how much better i work under pressure.
one of my goals was to not procrastinate as much this year. well, OBVIOUSLY i succeeded in that goal, no?
irby’s short work, “new year, same trash,” was so vividly real, it hurt. i felt like i was listening to her tell me all these new year’s resolutions she had; i felt like i was there watching her try to come up with ways to make them successful. sometimes i saw myself in her goals because i had the same ones.
i mean, why call someone when you can text? why go out and use your $75 ticket for the concert you bought when you have a grub hub coupon to use for food to be delivered to you? why grocery shop when you can click click click a screen and avoid having to look at people and make small talk?
in all honesty, i don’t have any goals for this year, per se. sure, i have some things i wanna change, but there are no priorities i have set for myself to change in my life in the span of 365 days. i’m someone who’d rather to it impulsively. i wanna start going to the gym? great, i’ll do it. at some point. when i make a rash decision. if i actually plan it, i’ll fall even more behind. i plan when necessary—trips, lists for what i’m gonna buy, what time i need to get out of my house to avoid missing the train—but i won’t plan the rest—homework? getting to class on time? cooking? cleaning? it comes and goes.
planning is hard for me, making goals reality is frustrating. 2023 is the year i have planned to let go and enjoy life. i’ve bought tickets for a couple concerts i’ll be going alone to, which i have never done. i’m tired of relying on people to enjoy my life. too many concerts came and went in 2022 that i missed out on because oh i didn’t have anyone to go with. boohoo. i’m tired. i wanna wack my brain sometimes and tell it to get a grip because life is short and i’ll always end up regretting that chance i didn’t take. it’s not a new year’s resolution to attend a concert alone. it’s not a goal. it’s just something i wanna do. and i will. and i’ll do more things too.
having this short work of non fiction as my first read of 2023 was a good choice. it has made me feel better about who i am, what i didn’t achieve, and what i probably, most likely, without a doubt will not achieve this year. and honestly, i’m content with that. if you’re someone who likes/wants to plan and make a list of goals you want to achieve this year, good for you! i admire that. i admire going over a plan for a whole year and trying to check off that list. i wish i could do that, but the moment i start something, i stop.
i do have some goals. i do have some resolutions. but they’re all unconscious. i’m not writing them down anywhere. i’m not pasting them anywhere to remind myself of them. they’re too pressuring, and i feel like i’m gonna be forced to do them at the wrong time. so i’m just letting it be. before i know it, i might just start doing them, and if i don’t, someday i will.
as my dad says: we’re all gonna die anyway.
happy new year, friends.
last year, i read Consent: A Memoir as my first 2022 book. i think the title says enough. for this year, i wanted to read another memoir, one “similar,” of an author/celebrity/famous person and their life. i wanted to make a tradition of it, where i’d start the year off a certain way. although not exactly the same type of memoir, it focuses on the author.
i’m the type of person who likes living life as it goes. plans and i never go well. there’s a reason i always procrastinate. the only ‘reading goal’ was this: to read a non-fiction, biographical-type story.
so here we are.
i ended up writing my 32-page thesis for my capstone class this semester in 11 hours, even though i had four months to work on it. every time i went to class, the professor would remind us to please not start the project last minute because of how crucial the research is. although my topic is one i’m passionate about (i’m going for an honors thesis next semester!), there was a lot i could’ve worked on and done better. but you know what happened? i got 49/50 on that paper. 32 pages of non stop research done in a single day. i can’t tell you how many times i have proven myself how much better i work under pressure.
one of my goals was to not procrastinate as much this year. well, OBVIOUSLY i succeeded in that goal, no?
irby’s short work, “new year, same trash,” was so vividly real, it hurt. i felt like i was listening to her tell me all these new year’s resolutions she had; i felt like i was there watching her try to come up with ways to make them successful. sometimes i saw myself in her goals because i had the same ones.
i mean, why call someone when you can text? why go out and use your $75 ticket for the concert you bought when you have a grub hub coupon to use for food to be delivered to you? why grocery shop when you can click click click a screen and avoid having to look at people and make small talk?
in all honesty, i don’t have any goals for this year, per se. sure, i have some things i wanna change, but there are no priorities i have set for myself to change in my life in the span of 365 days. i’m someone who’d rather to it impulsively. i wanna start going to the gym? great, i’ll do it. at some point. when i make a rash decision. if i actually plan it, i’ll fall even more behind. i plan when necessary—trips, lists for what i’m gonna buy, what time i need to get out of my house to avoid missing the train—but i won’t plan the rest—homework? getting to class on time? cooking? cleaning? it comes and goes.
planning is hard for me, making goals reality is frustrating. 2023 is the year i have planned to let go and enjoy life. i’ve bought tickets for a couple concerts i’ll be going alone to, which i have never done. i’m tired of relying on people to enjoy my life. too many concerts came and went in 2022 that i missed out on because oh i didn’t have anyone to go with. boohoo. i’m tired. i wanna wack my brain sometimes and tell it to get a grip because life is short and i’ll always end up regretting that chance i didn’t take. it’s not a new year’s resolution to attend a concert alone. it’s not a goal. it’s just something i wanna do. and i will. and i’ll do more things too.
having this short work of non fiction as my first read of 2023 was a good choice. it has made me feel better about who i am, what i didn’t achieve, and what i probably, most likely, without a doubt will not achieve this year. and honestly, i’m content with that. if you’re someone who likes/wants to plan and make a list of goals you want to achieve this year, good for you! i admire that. i admire going over a plan for a whole year and trying to check off that list. i wish i could do that, but the moment i start something, i stop.
i do have some goals. i do have some resolutions. but they’re all unconscious. i’m not writing them down anywhere. i’m not pasting them anywhere to remind myself of them. they’re too pressuring, and i feel like i’m gonna be forced to do them at the wrong time. so i’m just letting it be. before i know it, i might just start doing them, and if i don’t, someday i will.
as my dad says: we’re all gonna die anyway.
happy new year, friends.
February 7, 2017
This year, I made no resolutions -- especially no reading resolutions. Other years, I've always planned to be disciplined about reading what's on my shelves, what's in my kindle, what's on my tbr and books friends have lent me or recommended. And I always break those resolutions. Reading is supposed to be fun or at least not to feel like a job or a chore, so I decided to give myself the freedom to wander from one book to another footloose and fancy free.
And then I read GR friend Andrew's post about planning to read more humour in 2017. And I decided that that was one resolution I would latch on to. Because 2017 is definitely a year in which humour -- including lots of acerbic political satire -- will be much needed.
All that to say that I was delighted to get an ARC of Samantha Irby's Same Trash, New Year today. I know nothing about Irby, but looking her up I saw that she's smart and funny. And how fitting that this very short piece is about her 70 mini resolutions -- all pretty much broken and with rationalizations provided. Funny and recognizable -- good fun for 30 minutes of entertainment.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an opportunity to read an advance copy.
By the way, I am open to suggestions for other funny reads this year. I just can't promise I'll read all or even any of them...
And then I read GR friend Andrew's post about planning to read more humour in 2017. And I decided that that was one resolution I would latch on to. Because 2017 is definitely a year in which humour -- including lots of acerbic political satire -- will be much needed.
All that to say that I was delighted to get an ARC of Samantha Irby's Same Trash, New Year today. I know nothing about Irby, but looking her up I saw that she's smart and funny. And how fitting that this very short piece is about her 70 mini resolutions -- all pretty much broken and with rationalizations provided. Funny and recognizable -- good fun for 30 minutes of entertainment.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an opportunity to read an advance copy.
By the way, I am open to suggestions for other funny reads this year. I just can't promise I'll read all or even any of them...
January 2, 2019
LOL. I had briefly forgotten how hilarious Samantha Irby is. If you're always feeling guilty about not keeping your New Year's resolutions, read this essay and give yourself a break.
December 31, 2018
Funny little short. I decided to read this because the year is winding down and a new year is upon us all. 2019 beckons.
A New Year always puts me into two mindsets that are at odds with one another. One where, I'm incredibly happy for all the new possibilities that the coming year has to provide and the second where I'm also sad about a whole heap of things. Sad about things that happened or didn't happen in the past year, to things that I know I'm going to struggle with in 2019 because I'm bringing them over with me. It's a complex mindset, a "new year". The entire concept around the term "resolution" gives me hella anxiety and I don't suffer from anxiety like that, really... so I try to fight back those emotions by reading books like this one.
I decided to read this to help myself transition from 2018 into 2019 and I realized that everything Samantha Irby wrote here is super on point. Who needs a resolution that probably won't make it into the second week of your "new year, new me" phase? Resolutions are dumb and this short book helped me laugh through everything that I thought I wanted to plan and incorporate into my life. It helped me laugh off everything I try to tell myself about what I think I need to do and it helped me find my way back to a more logical reality before the clock strikes midnight on Dec 31st, 2018.
Thanks, Samantha!
A New Year always puts me into two mindsets that are at odds with one another. One where, I'm incredibly happy for all the new possibilities that the coming year has to provide and the second where I'm also sad about a whole heap of things. Sad about things that happened or didn't happen in the past year, to things that I know I'm going to struggle with in 2019 because I'm bringing them over with me. It's a complex mindset, a "new year". The entire concept around the term "resolution" gives me hella anxiety and I don't suffer from anxiety like that, really... so I try to fight back those emotions by reading books like this one.
I decided to read this to help myself transition from 2018 into 2019 and I realized that everything Samantha Irby wrote here is super on point. Who needs a resolution that probably won't make it into the second week of your "new year, new me" phase? Resolutions are dumb and this short book helped me laugh through everything that I thought I wanted to plan and incorporate into my life. It helped me laugh off everything I try to tell myself about what I think I need to do and it helped me find my way back to a more logical reality before the clock strikes midnight on Dec 31st, 2018.
Thanks, Samantha!
February 5, 2017
God damn Samantha is funny.
February 6, 2017
omg i love this woman
December 25, 2020
This itty bitty 99 cent Kindle book is THE perfect pick for a rear-end book club. I read it in a nano second, it made me laugh, and we’ll have plenty to talk about.
It’s also the perfect essay (blurb?)to read before you compile your NY resolutions. Especially in 2020, because we all know how this year’s resolutions went, right?
It’s also the perfect essay (blurb?)to read before you compile your NY resolutions. Especially in 2020, because we all know how this year’s resolutions went, right?
March 3, 2017
'New Year, Same Trash: Resolutions I Absolutely Did Not Keep' by comedian and blogger Samantha Irby is a short essay about how most of us actually deal with resolutions. It's pretty funny.
Samantha Irby for 2016 wrote down 70 short resolutions. The idea was simple goals that could be met. In this essay, she lists them, and how she fared. As the subtitle might suggest, she didn't do all that well with most of them.
The resolutions are grouped into categories like writing, or eating well. They include entries like: 21. Wear clean socks every day, and are followed by the results: "Noooooooope. Nope, nope, nopety nope. I did not manage to do this."
It's pretty funny, albeit a bit crude at times. It feels a bit like an extended blog post, but it is less than a dollar for the Kindle edition. I think it's worth at least a buck.
I received a review copy of this ebook from Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group, Vintage, and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you for allowing me to review this ebook.
Samantha Irby for 2016 wrote down 70 short resolutions. The idea was simple goals that could be met. In this essay, she lists them, and how she fared. As the subtitle might suggest, she didn't do all that well with most of them.
The resolutions are grouped into categories like writing, or eating well. They include entries like: 21. Wear clean socks every day, and are followed by the results: "Noooooooope. Nope, nope, nopety nope. I did not manage to do this."
It's pretty funny, albeit a bit crude at times. It feels a bit like an extended blog post, but it is less than a dollar for the Kindle edition. I think it's worth at least a buck.
I received a review copy of this ebook from Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group, Vintage, and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you for allowing me to review this ebook.
March 6, 2018
I was ready to give this another 5 star rating thanks to that sweet Jibri call-out again, but it loses a star for terrible pizza opinions. I read 2 pages dedicated to cat anuses in the last book, but the anti-NY pizza line was the most offended I've ever been.
May 2, 2020
I enjoyed very much this super short read. Samantha Irby writes like she thinks, I guess. Easy and fun.
April 8, 2021
Quick and hilarious!
February 5, 2023
Samantha Irby makes me LOL love her for that
June 8, 2018
Everyone tries to make New Years Resolutions, though I can honestly say I never had more than 2 or 3. :P But Samantha Irby has tons. In about 20-30 pages she will tell us all about her resolutions. From a diet for her cat to spending less money on stuff to eating more healthy or taking daily showers. Each resolution is met with a funny comment/story, and I was just laughing so loud at several "excuses" or remarks of her.
All in all, a very short book, but it was oh so much fun to read. Before I knew it I was done (and quite sad as I wanted more). Definitely recommended.
All in all, a very short book, but it was oh so much fun to read. Before I knew it I was done (and quite sad as I wanted more). Definitely recommended.
February 18, 2017
If you haven't read her blog, bitches gotta eat, go read it. Don't even come back because she is FAR funnier than me, and I know you'll be there a while.
I snort laughed so many times reading this I lost count. Not that I was counting. It was just that...well, this is some funny shit and you should read it.
Mic drop.
I snort laughed so many times reading this I lost count. Not that I was counting. It was just that...well, this is some funny shit and you should read it.
Mic drop.
October 14, 2017
Are we the same person???
After having finished "We Are Never Meeting in Real Life" earlier this week, I knew I wanted to read more of Samantha Irby's work. This one solidified my initial takeaway: she and I are either the same person or very closely related. Like separated at birth related. Henceforth and forevermore I self-identify as a Samantha Irby. And y'all will deal!
After having finished "We Are Never Meeting in Real Life" earlier this week, I knew I wanted to read more of Samantha Irby's work. This one solidified my initial takeaway: she and I are either the same person or very closely related. Like separated at birth related. Henceforth and forevermore I self-identify as a Samantha Irby. And y'all will deal!
February 6, 2017
In a preview for her next book of essays, Samantha Irby lists dozens of "micro-resolutions" she made and explains which ones she kept. (Spoiler: Not many.) It's only 30 pages long, but it's well worth 99 cents and half an hour of your time.
December 19, 2018
Always a Delight
Seriously, Sam Irby is always worth reading. She could write a poem on a soiled napkin in, I dunno, ketchup and I would cherish that thing. Get it framed. This neat little list of “resolutions” is way better than a soiled napkin. Read it!
Seriously, Sam Irby is always worth reading. She could write a poem on a soiled napkin in, I dunno, ketchup and I would cherish that thing. Get it framed. This neat little list of “resolutions” is way better than a soiled napkin. Read it!
February 6, 2017
I can't wait for her next full-length book to come out! Samantha Irby is so funny.
November 16, 2017
So brilliant and so funny! I need more Samantha Irby in my life.
January 3, 2025
i highly recommend reading this around the new year
July 28, 2021
2.5 stars?
Even when I was a teenager it was a fact generally acknowledged that I am an old woman at heart. I suffered through Adam Sandler movies in high school, but secretly P.G. Wodehouse was more my jam. After an irritable bowel disease diagnosis in my 20s and having diapered three kids in my 30s you would think my tolerance for potty humor would be higher than it is. Okay, it *is* higher now—but only slightly. And it wasn't worth the colonoscopies and soiled diapers to get here, either.
So while even now at 40 I'm *trying* to lighten up a little and not be such a stick in the mud when my kids find bodily functions amusing, I've accepted that there is only so much change I can expect in this regard.
Yeah, okay, so Irby is funny but she is never going to be more than mildly so for me because she loves potty humor peppered with all kinds of profanity (which, reminder: my spiritual age = 80).
In other words, if you are a salty 7 year old at heart, you may love this. I did give some stars because she was generally funny and I liked her self-deprecating humor.
Even when I was a teenager it was a fact generally acknowledged that I am an old woman at heart. I suffered through Adam Sandler movies in high school, but secretly P.G. Wodehouse was more my jam. After an irritable bowel disease diagnosis in my 20s and having diapered three kids in my 30s you would think my tolerance for potty humor would be higher than it is. Okay, it *is* higher now—but only slightly. And it wasn't worth the colonoscopies and soiled diapers to get here, either.
So while even now at 40 I'm *trying* to lighten up a little and not be such a stick in the mud when my kids find bodily functions amusing, I've accepted that there is only so much change I can expect in this regard.
Yeah, okay, so Irby is funny but she is never going to be more than mildly so for me because she loves potty humor peppered with all kinds of profanity (which, reminder: my spiritual age = 80).
In other words, if you are a salty 7 year old at heart, you may love this. I did give some stars because she was generally funny and I liked her self-deprecating humor.
January 5, 2023
Sam Irby has never once in her life missed and obviously this vintage (2016 lol) list of New Year’s resolutions that she failed to keep was no exception. Also feeling very seen because there is a line about how much she went to Olive Garden the prior year and wow, yes, me too, so validating.
December 26, 2019
Quick, light, funny. I love Samantha Irby.
March 2, 2020
I laughed out loud so many times and related to lots of these a bit too much. Read it if you need a pick me up!
May 22, 2020
Hilariously self aware. Even Lol’d a few times. Thank you Sam Irby!
June 3, 2020
A quick read but I can always count on Samantha Irby for a good laugh. As someone who is quite found of resolutions I can’t imagine trying to commit to 70!
September 20, 2020
What a great idea - list all of your resolutions (she calls them "intentions") and then admit that you didn't do any of them. Very funny.
October 9, 2020
Wish this author had 100 books out. I love her writing!
October 30, 2020
As always, laugh riot.
December 23, 2020
Very funny & so right on....very fitting as my 60th book this year, to finish my goodreads challenge!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 255 reviews