The Man in the Mirror: Solving the 24 Problems Men Face

by Patrick Morley

Identity. Relationships. Money. Integrity. What problems do you face? Men grappling with the pressures of everyday life don't need spiritual fluff---they need real answers, and Morley offers them in this revised and updated edition of his bestseller. Learn how to trade the rat race for the rewards of godly manhood! Each chapter includes focus questions. A Discussion Leader’s Guide can be found at the back of the book.

Genres: Christian, Christian Living, Self Help, Nonfiction, Faith, Christianity, Religion

398 pages, Unknown Binding

First published January 1, 1989

Reviews

[Jerry (Rebel With a Massive Media Library) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first discovered this book at a garage sale all the way back when I was in college, started it, and never finished it. Over the years, I owned multiple copies of it, and tried starting it again and again...and still didn't finish it. After a recent purge of my media collection, I decided it was time to read the books that I've always been meaning to read...such as this one.

Now that I've finished it, I'm unhappy. No, there's nothing wrong with the book itself; it was amazing. I just wish I had read it sooner; it may have helped me avoid some bad situations I've faced over the years due to poor decisions on my own part.

[Marty · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't know where to start. This book didn't age well. Even the update can't save it from deep misogynistic undertones. For a book about all men's struggles I felt like I needed to be watching more sports to get this. It's wisdom seemed pretty run-of-the-mill Conservative Christian. Growing up in the church there wasn't much new here to me. A good friend of mine, a man, gave me this. I read it for him. Because I love him and care about him as a friend. And because he reads books I recommend (and write). I respect him.

Here's the thing, I think there are probably a lot of men who are sucked into a lot of these problems. I think especially men in the US are suckered into this sort of "don't feel things, suppress your true self, be tough" machoism. They're not inwardly discerning. They don't think about their motivations often. They aren't self-reflective and they aren't self-aware. And there is an even smaller subset of Christian men who are like that. But...that ain't me. Personally, I'm a poet, I'm a writer. I'm a creative. I don't need a golf game or a corner office to feel like a man. That sounds completely absurd to me. I hope this helps some people figure out some practical spirituality, because sure why not, great. But there are a lot better publications out there that don't struggle from 1940's mad-men office syndrome.

There were a number of lines that I wanted to include in my review, because I found them so off-putting and, frankly, stupid. But it doesn't seem worth it to go back and skim the book for it now.

I guess when it comes to Christian-life type books I want something with deeper insights. The examples are sometimes so trite they come off as nothing more than holier-than-thou pulpit gags. I've heard them all a zillion times. But, I don't know, maybe Patrick Morely is holier than I am. Maybe I want to read a book about the Christian-life from a "bad guy" I don't know. I don't know. The hell do I know? I didn't like this book.

It has some VERY abrasive passages about suicide & depression. Morley doesn't seem to be anywhere near as competent or researched as he could be before writing about sensitive topics--especially for a man reading this book who's LITERALLY picking it up because it seems like a book that could help him solve problems. This is also flooded with a host of "men should be the breadwinners, women should raise the family" "don't hire the attractive woman because you'll have an affair with your secretary!" (gasp, oh really? I will????) Ugh.

I stuck this out cause I love my friend. But damn, I was expecting a lot more from this read.

[Nicolas · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is firmly planted in the 1980's. It is in desperate need of a revised edition. Like any devotional it was hit-and-miss for me. It had some segments that really put things in perspective for me and others that just didn't apply at all. Overall I think it's worth the read, but again, please update it.

[Matthew Hubele · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read. Will definitely come back to this one.

[Adam ✝️ · Rating 5 out of 5]

While there were a few moments where I felt it breezed over topics too quickly, overall this was a well-written, theologically sound, and very convicting book. I can't recall anything I disagreed with in terms of Morley's approach to Biblical masculinity and holding ourselves to a higher standard. It provided me with some truly valuable insight into how I approach my relationship with Christ and encouraged me to be more aware of my actions. A really insightful, Christ-honoring book.

[Hunter Smith · Rating 2 out of 5]

Truthfully I never finished it but went halfway. Don’t get me wrong this book might be good for some but for me I felt like all of this is stuff I have already heard these years in the faith. Everything up to this point has seemed surface level and old fashioned in certain ways. But from all the shout outs about this book and the references he has didn’t live up to the hype. But again I won’t say everyone else will feel my way.

[Josh Kirby · Rating 3 out of 5]

Full disclosure, I didn’t care too much for this book. It seems like it’s helped a lot of men for a lot of years, but it felt pretty outdated and a little surface level to me.
At times when reading the book, it kinda felt like an old grandpa was lecturing to me about how my generation was going to hell in a hand basket.

On the other hand, the other guys in my small group seemed to really appreciate it. The organization of topics at least made it helpful for use in our small group, so I’ll give it 3 stars.

[Brandon Perry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably one of the best books I've read so far. Every topic in here is a real struggle in manhood, and I believe the author gives great pointers on how to keep our true focus on Christ. Then he finishes the book with a great chapter on accountability partners, a hard thing for almost all men as we are afraid to be vulnerable. Highly recommend anyone who is looking to make an authentic change in their life to not just read this book, but study it.

[Dean Scott · Rating 1 out of 5]

ugh.

[Adam Jarvis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh, it was ok. I couldn’t really relate to all of his “you know how it is, guys” examples. Part of it may be because I have no background in business. But only part. I felt like he was writing to his buddy, but I didn’t get the book, because I don’t know the author.

A lot of this stuff was outdated, and/or irrelevant to me. Some of his theories have been debunked. Oh well.

It wasn’t a bad book. There were a few things I’m sure some men found helpful.

[Ty Fullenkamp · Rating 4 out of 5]

Patrick does a great job of laying this book out chapter by chapter but also in organized sections. I did this book with 4 close friends in a men’s Bible study weekly and it brought some really amazing conversations that not only brought us closer, but strengthened each of our relationships with Jesus Christ. It’s amazing how a book 30+ years old still held so much relevant truth. Highly recommend to anyone looking for a book that will help shape them as a man, but also to strengthen their faith. Great book!!

[Matt Brandt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book! Every man should read this book, it will help you be a better man. This is a book I will buy for others.

[Ruan Swart · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has helped me look introspectively into my life, analysing the 24 problem areas men face throughout life, myself included. The reflection questions are fantastic, and allowed me to think of how to apply the principles into my life. I could recommend this book to anyone seeking guidance on how to navigate life. This is definitely a book I will continue to read again and again.

[Linda Hodel]

I actually read ten secrets for the man in the mirror but not finding that book on Goodreads.

[Matt Daq · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for all men. It makes you think about all areas of your life. A great read and helpful

[Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is a great book to work through with some other guys! Talking about the issues rather than just reading them helps put them into perspective in your own life!

[Nick Basile · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't finish this. I read the first four chapters and then the one on children. He's really only writing to a specific audience, and I think that audience looks like the man in his own mirror: churchgoing successful businessman and Promise Keepers attendee in the late 90s who has never been challenged to let his faith guide the rest of his life.

He understands some things, but then extends that to think he understands everything. The truth in some situations becomes a canned answer to apply to all situations. It's actually a common error in the business/management culture, according to what I have seen. Similarly, there are lots of assertions that don't hold up to closer scrutiny or aren't as universal as he thinks. A few things are helpful, but they are uncommon like a firm sweet berry in a carton that is mostly overripe.

I can't relate much to his illustrations, that underscore who he is and who he is writing to - not me. His opening story discusses a family that buys luxury sports car and a boat. I can't really relate to his anecdote about buying his wife an "expensive solid-gold Swiss watch" so he could get one himself. Some of us have enough burden facing ordinary repair costs and living expenses. It's hard to believe that RC Sproul endorsed it as heartily as he did.

The chapter on raising children without regrets said little more than "spend time with them, don't abandon them to worldly influences, don't get unreasonably angry, and pray for them." Most of the rest of the book is similar and has nothing of substance to offer me.

The biggest takeaway I can take from this book is that I am already doing a lot of things right.

[JPS · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given this book by my wife’s foster dad. I didn’t think much of it and kept it in my closet for a couple of years. I just recently made it a point to read it, and man, I’m glad I did. Mr. Morley breaks down twenty four issues that plague men in their daily walk with Christ: ranging from anger, pride, to accountability. He uses reason and even more importantly, the word of God to get his point across.

In a time when I am struggling in many areas that were discussed, and am currently working on my faith, this book has been a blessing. I could relate to a lot of what Mr. Morley spoke on and I believe God used his words to speak to me and reveal what I need to work on. Ive learned so much and am kind of disappointed that I finished it. I truly tried to take my time studying each chapter, trying to be honest with myself, and make sure I answer the study questions with accuracy regardless of how many times I was shocked at my real truth.

I think every man in this world should read this book at one point in time. I did, when I needed to the most. God is Good. Amen.

[Craig · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not only is this a great book for men, but I think women would gain a lot from reading this book as well. Although written specifically for men, some of the principles are applicable to women as well. Further, I recommend this to wives, as I think it will help you better understand what goes on in the mind of your husband. This book kicked my butt in many place and challenged me. I will for sure revisit this book and work my way through the application questions at the end of each chapter. I also look forward to reading the follow up books put out by the organization Man in the Mirror.

[Douglas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. A book for the Christian man to help him live up to his role.

[Chadster · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, this book reveals many truths... all men who are serious about growing as a Godly man should read this book.

[Jason Grubbs · Rating 5 out of 5]

The one book besides the Bible that every man should read. Pat Morley knows men and the struggles they face.

[Truman Rexti · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for every christian man. Get the 2014 version (update from this version)
This my current daily bread. It speaks to every man.

[John Lawless · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every man should read this book, it is life changing.

[Ryan Boyce · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'd like to preface this review with a comment on religion, particularly Christianity. I never want to make someone feel bad about the communities they belong to, or what value they want to get out of life, or what they believe comes after life. I grew up Christian and I still have a lot of respect for the religion, even though I don't like to show it. Christianity can do great things in the lives of some people and I'm not here to knock that. That being said, I am absolutely here to knock this religious book. The only reason that I was able to make it all the way through The Man in the Mirror was to make it to GoodReads to give it the one star review that it deserves.

The Man in the Mirror by Patrick Morley claims to be advice for the modern American man, but drops that veneer fairly quickly to offer only Christian motivation. When I look at the cover and the summary of the book on the back, I can find only two hints about the real contents of the book: the author calls himself a "Christian men's leader" and the book was published by Zondervan. For the uninitiated, Zondervan is the company that owns the rights to the NIV translation of the Bible, and they also publish many Christian novels, devotionals, and other content. Before going further, I would like to make clear what is in the book and what is not. You will not find practical advice that is specific to men, modern or otherwise. If you are Christian, you will not find insights that will challenge or grow your faith. Each chapter is formatted as a problem, to which the solution is invariably "just be a better Christian", and a series of questions to be asked in a Bible study or fellowship group.

First, I'll review the book as a Christian. There is no unique value in this book. The Bible is full of wisdom and nuance and culture and history and is worthy of real study. This book rips passages or verses from the Bible and turns them into empty platitudes. It is not a Bible study and does not claim to be, but it tries to borrow the legitimacy of the Bible with various citations and quotes throughout that remind me that I could just be studying the Bible right now. What little "wisdom" the book does offer seems to me to do more harm than good. The Christian advice in the book amounts to asking Christians to think more Christianly, without making the hard sacrifices that Jesus called his disciples and followers to make. Your top priority can still be making your oil empire more profitable, as long as you think about God while you're doing it.

There's no value for an atheist or agnostic in this book either. Arguably, "give it to God" is not practicable advice for anyone, but especially not for unreligious people. The book seems to get more religious as it goes on, actually calling on the reader to give their life to Christ multiple times towards the end. I have no problems with religious books, or people who examine life with a religious worldview. Often, I think a religious worldview adds a certain perspective or value system that contains true insight even for unreligious people, but it can just as easily devolve into thought control and cultish conformism. This book strays dangerously close to the latter without enough of the former for your trouble.

In every book I read, no matter how terrible, I try to take some insight and share it here. It honestly took me a long time to figure out what insight there was for me to take in this book. There was a moment at the very beginning of the book that surprised me in which Morley describes the life of the modern man. We all run the rat race, he says. We work long hard hours for a boss we don't particularly like for a job that we aren't particularly passionate about for money that isn't particularly good. Everything feels just a little pointless. Because of how awful and all-consuming our work life is, we're terrible to the women in our lives. It reads a little bit like the first half of a modern recruitment commercial for the army, but this book was published for the first time in 1989. The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same I suppose. I am generally wary of people who claim to have the solutions to the meaninglessness of life and the challenges of American consumerism and I think young men especially would do well to become so skeptical.

[Davide · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me by a colleague (a Reformed Christian), but I quickly realized that I was probably not the right audience. Written in the late 1980s, The Man in the Mirror has aged like fine milk: its advice feels outdated, simplistic, and, at times, downright preachy.

The book’s core issue is its "pray and obey" approach to personal struggles. No matter the problem, the solution is always the same: pray more, trust God, and remember that He is watching you. While faith can be an important aspect of self-improvement, the book lacks philosophical depth, psychological nuance, or practical guidance. It relies heavily on religious slogans rather than genuine self-examination or intellectual engagement.

Another major flaw is its constant repetition: the same few ideas are stretched over hundreds of pages, making it feel preachy rather than insightful. The tone is also deeply rooted in American evangelical Protestantism, which may feel alien or overly dogmatic to those from different religious or cultural backgrounds. As an Italian Catholic with a rational mindset, I found its approach too simplistic and lacking the intellectual rigor of proper theological, philosophical, or self-help works.

A particularly frustrating aspect is its tendency to take the Bible ad litteram, without considering its historical and literary context. The Old Testament, in particular, is full of metaphors, allegories, and moral similitudes, and even Jesus himself spoke in parables to illustrate deeper truths. Interpreting all of it literally often results in naïve (or lazily convenient) misinterpretations rather than meaningful moral reflections.

That being said, The Man in the Mirror is not completely without merit. One thing I appreciated is how it helped me reflect on the moral teachings of the Bible and how they can still apply in today's world. Some passages provided a thought-provoking lens on issues like integrity, materialism, and purpose.

Additionally, despite its overtly religious framework, I noticed some interesting parallelisms with other philosophical traditions, such as Stoicism, Cynicism, and even Buddhism. The themes of self-discipline, detachment from material possessions, and personal accountability resonate with those schools of thought, even if the book doesn’t explicitly make these connections. But, alas, those are peculiar of Christianity as a whole, and not specifically of this text.

If you’re looking for a solid exploration of personal growth and faith, this book will likely disappoint. It oversimplifies life’s struggles into "just trust God," takes the Bible too literally, and feels repetitive and moralistic rather than truly insightful. However, if you’re interested in a light devotional read that offers some basic moral reflections, it might still have some value. Even though I do emphasize again it is a tad outdated, despite what the author claims in the latest revised edition.

Personally, I would recommend books that approach these topics with more depth, philosophy, and rational analysis rather than relying on blind faith and obedience. Contrarily to many Reformed beliefs, modern Catholicism is solidly founded on such concepts. Think inter alia of Augustine of Hippo, Thomas More, Thomas Aquinas, Edith Stein, or Francis of Assisi.

Two stars, because I am feeling generous: one for the (at times) useful biblical reflections, and another for the occasional philosophical concepts.

[Dave Buie · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The Man in the Mirror: Solving the 24 Problems Men Face" by Patrick Morley is a thought-provoking and insightful guide that delves deep into men's challenges and dilemmas in today's complex world. Morley's book serves as a beacon of light, guiding readers through self-discovery and personal growth, focusing on addressing 24 specific issues that men commonly encounter.

Morley's writing style is engaging and relatable, making the book accessible to many readers. Whether you're a young man just starting to navigate the complexities of adulthood or an older man seeking to reflect on and improve your life, this book offers valuable insights and practical advice.

One of the strengths of "The Man in the Mirror" is Morley's ability to connect with his readers personally. He shares his experiences, struggles, and triumphs, creating a sense of camaraderie with his audience. This personal touch makes the book not just informative but also emotionally resonant.

Each of the 24 problems Morley addresses is explored with depth and sensitivity. From issues related to identity and purpose to those involving relationships, career, and spirituality, Morley offers meaningful perspectives and actionable steps for growth. His emphasis on faith and spirituality is woven throughout the book, but he also provides practical advice for readers of all backgrounds.

Morley encourages self-reflection and introspection, urging men to look hard at their lives and make positive changes where needed. He provides questions for reflection and exercises that help readers assess their current situations and set goals for personal development.

"The Man in the Mirror" is not a quick fix or a self-help book filled with empty promises. Instead, it's a guide for those willing to work to become better versions of themselves. Morley's emphasis on accountability and personal responsibility resonates throughout the book.

While the book is targeted primarily at men, its message is universal. Anyone seeking to understand themselves better, improve their relationships, and lead a more fulfilling life can benefit from Morley's wisdom and guidance.

"The Man in the Mirror: Solving the 24 Problems Men Face" by Patrick Morley is a must-read for any man on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. It's a book that challenges, inspires, and empowers its readers to confront their problems head-on and become the best versions of themselves. Whether looking for practical advice or inspiration, this book offers a valuable roadmap to a more meaningful and purposeful life.

[Mason Frierson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think the basis of a lot of this book is good. Obviously it has a great foundation in Biblical principles. I definitely agree that the 24 problems are 100% problems that men face and it is one of the reasons that I found myself picking it up. At many points in the book, I found myself shaking my head "yes, yes, yes" and then get to a point where I start thinking "hmmm, no". I have read several of Morley's books and listened to his MIM podcast quite a bit and some of his personal views and interpretations in my view are just a bit off base. I am a devout Christian so we are on the same page there, but some of Morley's observations just rubbed me the wrong way.

One example is the chapter on fear. He claims that Christ felt no fear in the garden of Gethsemane. This might be a matter of semantics but he takes a hard-line that Christ in no way felt fear. First of all, Christ dropped to his knees and begged God to pass the cup from him as He literally sweat blood. Do I think Christ was afraid? He could have been. He was human and He was sweating blood. I don't think He was consumed by fear. I also could be wrong and he could have not been afraid. But based on what the Bible says, I think the evidence at best could go either way. I just don't think an author should take a hard-line stance on what Christ was feeling to make a shaky point.

I would say that overall, the problems themselves are a good view on everything that a man will face in our world today. Morley has good advice on a lot of points. As I said, I not only found myself scratching my head during this book, but do so in his other books as well as his talks. We are using this book for our men's group and the material is good, but we often have a lot of debate on his viewpoints. If anything, I think it's good to get a variety of perspectives.

[John Eck · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, helpful reminders for life. Mostly practical application of scripture, lots of Proverbs. Worth keeping on the bookshelf for reference during times of struggle. I did have issue with a couple of recurring themes.
1) a few passages urging readers to “claim” a certain Scripture as a promise. Both references took the verse out of its intended context. It appeared the author was almost trying to force God to honor a perceived promise.
2) in the financial section...citing the 10% tithe as a standard for believers. This comes from the Old Testament Jewish law which was basically an income tax system, and is not applicable to our giving currently. It was a actually much more than 10%. Not that it’s wrong to do, but we are only commanded to be generous and give cheerfully what is in our heart to give. No percentages or set numbers are commanded. Supporting pastors, the needy, the sick, the widows is the command. Some “church” institutions push this false command to build giant extravagant buildings and have enormous staffs and multiple programs. The true church are the followers of Christ, not the institutions set up in his country. We are not understanding giving biblically, and the churches we attend are mostly not stewarding that money wisely or biblically. No where in Scripture are we commanded to give so we can build a fancy church. The last church I attended was nothing more than a country club for middle to upper class suburbanites.

[Joseph Tavernier · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book has so many problems. The first part of the book he frequently sets up paragraphs as if he is going one way and then the paragraph ends with sentence advocating the opposite. Other times he's vague or broad enough that you can read whatever you want into it, which is pointless here. For example, every time he talks about a couple where the men and the women both work the relationship is always doomed. He never clarifies if it was because their commitment to making money distracted from their commitment to each other, or if it was because they didn't manage their stress well, or if women just shouldn't be in the workplace. This happens at least five times and is never elaborated on.

In fact, the entire second part of the book should be skipped. It's about relationships and he gives terrible advice. It's condescending to women, and is what I'm sure the other reviews are referring to when they say "This guy's attitude belongs in the fifties".

The third part was better but was still mired but the issues of inconsistency and vagueness that plagued the first part. Honestly the book read like a first draft which is pretty bad for the supposed Updated 25th anniversary edition that I read.

I liked the questions this book made me ask about my relationship with God, but none of the arguments it made in solving those questions. I'm not saying there's nothing of value here, but that you can probably get much much more from other books.