Daughters of Shame

by Jasvinder Sanghera

'I listen to those stories ' told by women who have been drugged, beaten, imprisoned, raped and terrorised within the walls of the homes they grew up in. I listen and I am humbled by their resilience.' Jasvinder Sanghera knows what it means to flee from your family under threat of forced marriage' and to face the terrible consequences that follow. As a young girl that was just what she had to do. Jasvinder is now at the frontline of the battle to save women from the honour-based violence and threat of forced marriage that destroyed her own youth. Daughters of Shame reveals the stories of young women such as Shazia, kidnapped and taken to Pakistan to marry a man she had never met; and Banaz, murdered by her own family after escaping an abusive marriage.By turns frightening, enthralling and uplifting. It reveals Jasvinder as a woman heedless of her own personal safety as she fights to help these women, in a world where the suffering and abuse of many is challenged by the courage of the few.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Memoir, Biography, Abuse, Islam, Sociology

304 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

Jasvinder Sanghera is an activist and advocate for women's rights who was born in Derby. She is the co-founder of Karma Nirvana, a community-based project where there are a group of refuge centers in the United Kingdom for South Asian women fleeing forced marriages. A victim of a forced marriage herself, she tells her story and those of other British victims in her novel "Shame", published by Hodder and Stoughton.

Reviews

[Sabrina Rutter · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Jasvinder Sanghera's memoir SHAME she shared her personal story, and what lead her to start a program to support Asian women at risk. In this book she shares the story of how her program works, and tells about some of the women she has helped.
All of the stories shared in this book are truelly painful, and shocking. The things the Asian culture force on it's children seems very cult like. It often reminds me of the polygamist groups in Utah.
Women are being denied their right to education, and are being held as virtual prisoners inside their homes in modern liberated countries. This imprisonment is so intense that one woman finally felt free for the first time in her life after being sentenced to prison for two years. She wished she would have had a much longer sentence becuase for the first time in her life she was allowed to read what she wanted, watch what she wanted, and didn't have eyes watching her every move to see if she needed a beating. She said that prison life was wonderful.
Jasvinder not only helps women in dire situations, but also helps men. Yes even men in the Asian culture are suppressed to the point of being prisoners to their parents cultural beliefes. They also are beaten, and made to go through terrible things when their parents feel that their son is out of line.
Women like Jasvinder are true heroes, she encourages, and inspires where there seems to be little hope. Her story, and those of others in this book is one that needs to be told.

[#kkristina. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ova knjiga vrlo dobro prikazuje kroz što prolaze mnoge mlade žene sa istoka zbog prisilnih brakova i obiteljske časti. Mnogi zatvaraju oči i misle da zapad to ne treba da zanima jer su to njihovi običaji i njihovo viđenje života. Međutim, zahvaljujući brižnim ljudima poput autorke ove knjige mnoge nevine mlade žene mogu biti spašene od tih običaja, kojima ne žele samovoljno da se pokore. Jako potresne životne priče............

[Manjushree’ · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars ⭐️

I was at a bookstore and was instantly drawn to the title. Upon reading the synopsis, I thought it’d be a good book to read for women’s day. AND IT WAS.

To all the ladies mentioned in the books as well as those who were not, I have so much of admiration and respect for you. Despite going through such appalling abuse at the hands of the very people who were suppose to protect her, they managed to stand up for themselves and take control of their lives, becoming the strong women they are today.

[Jagrati · Rating 3 out of 5]

A simple and eye-opening read about honor related violence in UK, against women of South-Asia community. I ended up researching more about writer's work through her charity organisation and also listened to her various talks. She has done an inspirational work to bring this issue to forefront and help victims of forced marriage, honor killings and domestic abuse.

The book as such isn't written that well with stories mixed with each other and narration that jumps back and forth, but I wont take anything away from the sincerity of the issue and the incredible work done by Jasvinder's team to support the cause.

[Amina Hujdur · Rating 4 out of 5]

Teška tema o još težim životnim sudbinama.

[Richa Bhattarai · Rating 3 out of 5]

बेसबल खेलाडी भर्नन स्याण्डर्स ल ले भनेका छन्, ‘अुनभव एउटी कठोर शिक्षिका हुन् जसले पहिला जाँच लिन्छिन् र पछि मात्र पाठ पढाउँछिन् ।’ यस्तै कठोरता भोग्नु प¥यो पाकिस्तानी मूलकी समाजसेवी र लेखिका जसविन्दर संघेराले पनि । पन्ध्र वर्षकी हुँदा आफूले देख्दै नदेखेको पाकिस्तानी युवकसँग विवाह गर्न परिवारले दवाव दिए पछि घर छोडेर पे्रमीसँगै भागेकी संघेराले सात वर्ष भुमिगत जीवन बिताउनुप¥यो । यस बिचमा घरसँग उनको एक मात्र सम्पर्क भनेको बहिनी रोबिनासँग थियो । परिवारले आफूसँग गरेको अन्यायलाई बिर्सेर पुर्नःमिलनको आशमा धेरै पर्खिइन् जसविन्दर, तर उनकी प्रिय बहिनीले आफ्नो श्रीमानको परिवारले दिएको यातना सहन नसकेर आत्महत्या गरेपछि भने उनले पाठ सिकिन् त्यो अनुभवको — यसरी चुपचाप पारिवारिक मान्यता र रिवाज भन्दै चित्त बुझाएर अनि सहेर बस्नु हुँदो रहेनछ, विरोध गर्नुपर्ने रहेछ यस्ता ज्यान लिने परम्पराको ।

त्यसपछि संघेराले शुरु गरिन् एउटा अभियान यस्ता असहाय र परिवारबाट शोषित महिलाहरुलाई सहयोग गर्ने — जसमा उनीहरुलाई मनोवैज्ञानिक परामर्श र हौसला दिने र अबुझ परिवारसँग छुट्टिएर आत्मनिर्भर हुन प्रेरणा दिने देखि लिएर उनीहरुको पुनस्र्थापना सम्मका कार्य हुन्छन् । उनको एकल प्रयासबाट शुरु भएको कर्मा निर्भाना नामक संस्था अहिले बेलायतभरिकै चर्चित सामाजिक संस्था मध्ये पर्छ । वर्षेनी ५००० जति पीडित व्यक्तिले यसमा सम्पर्क गर्छन् र ४०० जनालाई त यसले नयाँ जिवन नै दिन्छ । महिला हिंसा विरुद्ध उत्कृष्ट कार्य गरे वापत उनलाई बेलायती सरकारले २००९ को ‘प्राइड अफ ब्रिटेन’ अर्थात ‘बेलायतको गौरव’ नामक पदवी पनि प्रदान गरेको छ । अहिले उनलाई भ्याइनभ्याई छ शैक्षिक संस्था र राजनैतिक एवं सुरक्षा निकायमा महिला हिंसा सम्बन्धी छलफलको अगुवाइ गर्न ।

तर संघेराले यो ख्याति र सम्मान कम दुखले कमाएकी होइनन् । उनलाई अहिले लाखौँ युवतीले आफ्नी आमाकै दर्जा दिए पनि उनी घर छोडेर भागेपछि अनि खासगरी उनले आत्मवृत्तान्त ‘शेम’ प्रकाशित गरेपछि उनकी आमाले मृत्युपर्यन्त छोरी भनी स्वीकारिनन् । यो सम्झनाले अहिलेसम्म लेखिकाको मन पोल्छ । उनलाई बेलायती सरकारले एक नमूना नागरिक मानेको छ, तर उनका मुस्लिम दाजुभाइ दिदीबहिनीले र साख्खै भतिजीले उनलाई धर्म भ्रष्ट गरेको आरोपमा ज्यानको धम्की दिइराखेका छन् । ‘तिमीलाई थाहा छ नि तिमी यो समुदायमा रुचाइन्नौ?’ र ‘महिलाले महिलाको ज्यान लिन सक्छन् भन्ने पत्तो होला नि तिमीलाई?’ जस्ता त्रासपूर्ण अभिवादन को सामना गर्नुपर्छ उनले दिनहुँ । बिहान उठ्दा उनको गाडीको शिशामा ‘नो शेम’ अर्थात् ‘निर्लज्ज’ भनी कोरिएको हुन्छ । उनी असङ्ख्य महिलाको जीवनरक्षा गर्छिन्, तर प्रत्येक बिहान गाडीमा चढ्नु अघि उनी परिक्षण गर्न बाध्य छिन् गाडीमा कसैले बम जडान ग¥यो कि भनेर । अरुको भलाईको लागि यस्तो सास्ती खेप्नु पर्दा संघेरालाई कहिलेकाहीँ यो काम छोडुँ छोडुँ लाग्छ, उनले स्विकारेकी छिन् । तर फेरि उनी सम्झिन्छिन् ती असहाय युवतीहरु, जो परिवारभित्रै पनि पिल्सिएर बाँच्न बाध्य छन्, र जसको उनीबाहेक कहीँ छैन जाने ठाँउ ।

आफूलाई संरक्षणकर्ता मानेर आश्रय खोज्दै आउने यिनै युवतीहरुको करुण र हृदयस्पर्शी कथा सँगालेकी छिन् संघेराले आफ्नो दोश्रो कृति ‘डटर्स अफ शेम’ मा । बेलायत जस्तो समृद्ध र विकसित मुलुकमा पनि कुनै केटीले प्रेम विवाह गर्न खोजेमा वा गाडी चलाउन सिक्न चाहेमा नै उसका अभिभावक उसलाई मार्न तम्सिन्छन् भन्ने पढ्दा अपत्यारिलो लाग्छ, र यस्तै रहस्यलाई निडर भई खोलेकी छिन् संघेराले । कृतिको शुरुवातमा छ आफ्नो प्रेमीसँग भागेकी उज्माको जीवनी, जोसँग पुनर्मिलनको निँहु पारेर उसको श्रीमानले उसहित तीन नाबालक सन्तानको पनि हत्या गरिदिन्छ । यस्ता दुखद घटना बारम्बार दोहोरिन्छन् पुस्तकभरि — जीवन आफुखुशी बाँच्न खोज्दा किशोरीदेखि वृद्धाहरुसम्मलाई परिवारले नै धम्काउँछन्, तर्साउँछन्, कुटपिट गर्छन्, शिक्षा र सञ्चार अनि रोजगारीबाट छुटाँउछन्, जबरजस्ती बिहा गरिदिन्छन्, र कुनै चलचित्रको संवाद जस्तो लाग्ने वाक्य दोहो¥याउँछन् हरेक क्षण, ‘तँ केटी मात्र होस्, तँलाई केही थाहा छैन । तँ जहाँ जान्छेस् त्यहाँ केही काम छैन पढाइको ।’

जन्मेदेखिनै यस्तै व्यवहार भोग्दै आएका प्रतिनिधि पात्रहरुलाई छानेर संघेराले अघि बढाएकी छिन् पुस्तक । यहाँ उनी कुरा गर्छिन् माया जस्ता युवतीको जीवनको, जो सत्र वर्षकी हुँदा प्रमीसँग भाग्छे, उसबाटै घर फर्काइन्छे, घरमा थुनिएर बस्न बाध्य हुन्छे र फेरि भागेर प्रेमी पिटरसँग विवाह गर्छे । धार्मिक अगुवाहरुको अघि उसको परिवारले विवाह स्विकार त गर्छ, तर उसलाई घर ल्याएर पिटरलाई तुरुन्त जेलमा थुनिदिन्छन् अनि छोरीलाई औषधी खुवाएर नक्कली राहदानी प्रयोग गरेर अर्कै देशमा लगेर विवाह गराइदिन्छन् । कथा सुनिसकेपछि अन्त्यमा संघेराले सोध्��िन् सहयोगी साजियालाई ‘यस्ता कुरा जेम्स बण्डका चलचित्र बाहेक अन्त कतै हुन सक्छन् त ?’

पुस्तकको बिचतिर पुग्दाखेरि नै पाठकलाई लाग्छ, हु��दा रहेछन् यस्ता चलचित्रझैँ लाग्ने सत्य घटना । पाकिस्तानी समाजको अभिन्न पाटो रहेछ यो — छोरीहरुलाई बेलायत ल्याउनु, शिक्षा दिक्षा दिनु, सबल तुल्याउनु, अनि पन्ध्र वर्ष पुग्दा नपुग्दै त्यो आधुनिक समाजलाई चटक्कै बिर्सेर परिवारको रोजाइको पाकिस्तानी युवकलाई बिहा गरेर उसँग नर्कतुल्य जीवन बिताउन बाध्य तुल्याउनु । एउटा वाक्यले प्रष्ट्याउँछ यो अवस्थालाई ‘भित्तामा टसाँइए जस्तै थियो त्यो ः देख्ने आँखा थिए र अनुभव गर्ने मुटु थियो तर तिनीहरुको प्रयोग गर्न पाइन्न थियो ।’ परिवारले बनाएको योजनामा अलिकति पनि तलमाथि भए फेरि उही सजाय – शारिरिक र मानसिक यातना, अनि यतिले पनि नपुगे ‘अनर किलिङ’ – इज्जत बचाउने निहुँमा छोरीको हत्या । एउटा उदाहरण छ सोह्र वर्षे किशोरी हेशु योन्सको, जसको बाबुले उसलाई मार्न सत्र चोटि चक्कुले घोप्दा चक्कु बटारिएको, बाङ्गिएको र टुप्पो भाँचिएको थियो । र यसको सजाय उसको बाबुलाई जम्मा आठ वर्षको कैद ।

यस्तो विभत्स हत्याको लागि यति कम सजाय मिल्नुपछाडि एउटा प्रमुख कारण हो यसलाई ‘धार्मिक’, ‘सांस्कृतिक’ वा ‘पारिवारिक’ मुद्दा भनेर प्रहरी पन्छिन खोज्नु । आफूले सोधखोज गरे धार्मिक हस्तक्षेपको आरोप लाग्ने डरले चुप लागेर बस्छ प्रहरी र सरकार, अनि झन बढ्दै जान्छन् महिलामाथिका अत्याचार । संघेराले उदाहरण दिएकी छिन् पन्ध्र वर्षिय फोजियाको, जसले पारिवारिक दवाबमा आएर विवाह गर्नु पर्ला भन्ने डरल प्रहरी सुरक्षा खोज्छे, तर प्रहरीले अनुसन्धान नै नगरी ‘यसलाई नियति सम्झी घर फर्केर विवाह गर’ भन्ने सल्लाह दिन्छन् । यस्तो पढेपछि खिसी गर्न मन लाग्छ बेलायतको सुरक्षा व्यवस्थाको, तर संघेराको बयान अनुसार बिस्तारै प्रहरीले यो समस्यालाई बुझ्लै गएको र अहिले आएर यसलाई निर्मुल पार्न सशक्त कदम चालेको पढ्दा भने आशाा पनि पलाउँछ ।

र यस्तै आनन्द मिल्छ ती पुनःस्थापित किशोरीहरुको कथा जान्दा पनि, जो आफ्नो संकुचित विगतलाई बिर्सेर नयाँ जिन्दगी जिउँदैछन्, कतिपय त संघेराकै संस्थामा पनि सघाँउछन् । एउटी यस्ती किशोरीले भनेकी छिन्, ‘सात वर्षपछि पहिलोचोटि म फेरि जिउँदो भएको अनुभव गर्दैछु ।’ कोही ट्राभल एजेन्सीमा काम गर्छन्, कोही शिक्षिका बनेका छन् । यी सबैको प्रगतिलाई आफ्नै ठानेर हौसिएकी छिन् जसविन्दर, तर उनलाई थाहा छ वर्षौँ पिँजडामा गुम्सिएको चरा आकाशमा अचानक उड्न पाउँदा कस्तो बेसुरे हुन्छ । उनी चिन्ता व्यक्त गर्छिन्, ‘दुवै हातले अँठ्याँउछन् यिनीहरु स्वतन्त्रतालाई, र यो खुला समाजमा आफूखुशी बरालिन पाउँदा आफूलाई सम्हाल्न नसक्ने स्थिति पनि आइपर्छ ।’ यस्तो नहोस् भन्नको लागि सधैँ सजग रहन्छिन् जसविन्दर, यी किशोरीलाई आफ्नै अनुभव सुनाएर सल्लाह दिने राम्रो तरिका छ यिनको ।

यो डरसँगै अर्को भयले छोप्छ जसविन्दरलाई, जब यी किशोरीहरु आफ्नो परिवारको दवाबबाट मुक्ति त चाहन्छन् तर अभिभावकलाई छोड्न वा उनीहरुविरुद्ध कारवाही पनि गर्न सक्दैनन् । पढ्दै जाँदा बारम्बार टिठ लागेर आउँछ यस्ता किशोरीप्रति, जसको परिवारले ज्यानै लिन खोजे पनि ‘माया’ र ‘इज्जत’ को खोक्रो भ्रममा परेर उनीहरु बचाउ गर्न खोज्छन् तिनै हिंस्रक दाजुभाइ, पति र पिताको । यस्ता युवतीकै कारण आजित छ प्रहरी पनि ः उनीहरु प्रहरी सुरक्षा त खोज्छन् तर वर्षौँदेखि रटाइएको संस्कारका कारण परिवारविरुद्ध खुलेर बोल्न पनि सक्दैनन् । उजुरी गरिहाले पनि फिर्ता लिन्छन्, परिवारलाई रुष्ट तुल्याउनु भन्दा बरु बिहे गरेर यन्त्रझैँ बाँच्छन् जीवन ।

किनकी उनीहरुलाई थाहा छ, यति उनीहरुले विरोध गर्न खोजे कहिल्यै पनि माफ गरिने छैन उनीहरुलाई । उनीहरुले देखेका छन् बिरालोले मुसा खेदेजस्तै जता पनि पछ्याँउदै आउने परिवार र सुख–शान्तिसँग काम गरेर बाँच्न नसकिने अवस्था । एउटी किशोरीको रोदन यस्तो हुन्छ, ‘यसको अन्त्य कहिले हुन्छ ? के मैले बाँकी जीवन भागी–भागी नै बिताउनु पर्नेछ?’ यहाँ प्रस्तुत गरिएका उदाहरणबारे सोच्दा पनि सासै रोकिएजस्तो हुन्छ ः सबैभन्दा नजिकका आफन्त, जोसँग मात्र आफु सुरक्षित महसुस गरिन्छ, उनीहरुबाट नै चौबीसै घण्टा प्रताडित हुने स्थिति, यो त्रास बाट मुक्ति छैन एकैछिन पनि । कल्पना गरौँ ती महिलाको पूर्वजीवनको, जसले जेलमा बन्दी भएपछि माध खुशी भेट्छिन् । उनी भन्छिन् ‘जेल भनेको स्वतन्त्रता हो मेरो लागि ।’

यस्तो सर्वव्यापी पहिला हिंसाको विभत्स पाटोलाई खुलेर पाठकसामु ल्याउने र निडर भई यसविरुद्ध लागिपर्ने जसविन्दरको जति प्रशंसा गरे पनि कम नै होला । एउटी सामाजिक कार्यकर्ता र मानवअधिकारवादीका रुपमा उनी बेजोड छिन्, तर यही तथ्य उनको लेखनीमा भने लागु हुँदैन । विषयवस्तु जति सशक्त र मर्मस्पर्शी छ, प्रस्तुति त्यस्तो गहन हुन सकेको छैन । यस्तो लाग्छ संघेराले एउटा दुरी राखेकी छिन् आफू र लेखनबीच, त्यसैकारण घटनाहरुले बनाउनुपर्ने जति भावुक तुल्याउँदैनन् । बेलाबेला लाग्छ, यी सबै घटना कतै टाढा भइरहेका छन्, वा काल्पनिक हुन् र असर गर्दैनन् आफूलाई, कारण लेखिकाले धेरै जीवनीहरु मिसाएर समाचारका बेनाम पात्रजस्ता बनाएकी छिन् यिनलाई ।

यी पात्रहरु सबै एउटै सुत्रबाट चिनाउँछिन् संघेराले पाठकलाई, बिस्तारै पहिलो र दोश्रो पात्र लगभग उस्तै एक तथ्याङ्कझैँ लाग्न थाल्छ पाठकलाई अनि अलमलिन्छन् पाठक । दिमागले थेग्न सक्ने भन्दा बढी पात्र र घटना छन् यहाँ, जसले गर्दा पहिलाको कथानकसँग यिनलाई जोड्न गाह्रो लाग्छ । लेखनशैलीमा खासै नयाँपन त छैन, तर छोटा वाक्य अनि छरिता शब्दले पढ्न भने सरल बनाइदिएको छ । एउटाबाट अर्को कथामा प्रसङ्गबिना उफ्रिँदा कथानक छरिएजस्तो भएको छ । लेखिकाले आफूखुशी घटना छानेर प्रस्तुत गरेकी छिन्, कुनै निश्चित पद्धति छैन कथालाई अघि बढाउने । एक दुई ठाउँमा त कृतिको रोचकता बढाउन नाटकीय र संयोगात्मक तथ्य मात्र हुले जस्तो लाग्छ ।

त्यस्तै अरुको कथा भन्न र उनीहरुको सहयोग बारे खुलेर टिप्पणी गर्न जसविन्दरले कुनै कञ्जुस्याईँ नगरे पनि कृतिमा ‘मवाद’ हावी भएको छ । उनी बारम्बार पाठकलाई सम्झाइरहन्छिन् आफ्नै विगत, कष्ट, संघर्ष, समामाजिक कार्य, चुनौती, भविष्यका योजना । यो स्वभाविक नै भए पनि अरुको जीवनीको बीचमा अचानक आफ्नै कुरा ल्याउँलद भने झिँझो लाग्छ ।

लेखकीय कमजोरी जे भए पनि जसविन्दरले कृतिभित्र जुन सत्य तर समाजले नकार्न खोज्ने तथ्यलाई अलिकति पनि नडराई र नलुकाई संसारसामु उदाङ्गो पारेकी छिन्, त्यसका लागि पनि पढ्न योग्य छ ‘डटर्स अफ शेम’ । आम महिला पाठक, जसले जीवनमा यस्ता दुर्गति भोग्नु परेको छैन, उनीहरुको मनमा एकै खानका भाव उब्जिन्छन् — निरर्थक धार्मिक र सामाजिक कट्टरता प्रति घृणा, पीडित महिलाप्रति सहानुभूति र जसविन्दरको दुरदर्शी सोच र प्रयासमा सहमति । पहिले जीवनको यो पाटोबारे नपढेका पाठकलाई यसले अत्याइदिन्छ र उकुसमुकुस बनाइदिन्छ भने जसले यस्ता कष्टकर जीवन भोगेका छन्, उनीहरुलाई त्यसबाट बाहिर निक्लिन प्रेरणा बनिदिन्छ, उनीहरु एक्लो नभएको आभाष दिलाउँछ । एक पीडित महिलाले जसविन्दरलाई यसो भनिछन्, ‘तिम्रो कथा पढेर मैले आफ्नो कथा भन्ने अनुमति पाएँ ।’ लाखौँ महिलालाई यसरी खुलेर बोल्ने तुल्याउन लागेकी छिन् जसविन्दर यो कृतिमार्फत् ।

[Amreen E · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jasvinder Sanghera is an inspiration!

[Marcus · Rating 4 out of 5]

Daughters of Shame powerfully reminds us that so-called ‘honour-related’ violence persists in the Asian populations of Britain – much of it focused on forced marriage, and almost all violence against girls and young women. I recommend you read this, and Jasvinder Sanghera’s earlier autobiographical ‘Shame’.

Sanghera relates many cases handled and supported by her in ‘Karma Nirvana’(which she founded) – all of them horror stories, and all about the nice girl in school, the nice family down the road… It goes a long way to helping non-Asians understand the continuing power of family honour (‘izzat’) in the culture at least of the North of South Asia, and the patriarchal value that makes it “since the beginning of time… the job of girls and women to keep it polished.���

Coming from, and trying to maintain a conservative culture while bringing up daughters in a more liberal one raises difficult challenges for both generations. Sanghera helps to expose and address a very nasty aspect of the Asian immigrant experience.
Thank you, Jasvinder.

[Rashini · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book opened my eyes to the hidden and non-acknowledged horrors of traditional customs being upheld in modern day society. Every chapter brought a new story of female oppression, repression, and most horrifyingly, homocide. A must read for all women!

[Gurpreet Dhariwal · Rating 5 out of 5]

A week ago, I went to my favorite book cafe and that’s just one mile away from my home in Delhi, India. I was exploring more books to read and ended up picking Daughters of Shame along with A Murder Is Announced by Agatha Christie.

After reading the blurb of Daughters of Shame, I couldn’t wait for another day to start reading it. I started it with a glimpse of an eye and yesterday I completed it with so much regret, disappointments, depression, and anxious moments.

This book talked a lot about south Asian women who have been living in the United Kingdom but have been treated worse than slaves at their own parental abodes. I couldn’t fathom the fact that their parents beat them up for following their hearts and behaving like a teenager while growing up in a country that didn’t have their ancestral roots.

They were asked to marry underage people, and their passports were destroyed so they couldn’t return to the UK and face the wrath of their new family either in India or Pakistan. Even if they ended up coming back to their birth country, the sequences of abuse, rape, and humiliation kept going on as their usual routine.

Some of them couldn’t tackle the pain inflicted on them and killed themselves, while some ran away and were asked to return home and some left home forever and never looked back. But are they living a normal life? The answer is no. They still live with fear in their bones and usually soothe the triggers by taking sleeping pills or tranquilizers.

As I hail from a domestic violence family, their stories tore me apart because I couldn’t expect a brother to rape his own sister or a mother to instill this fear into the mind of her daughter that if she doesn’t follow the rules she will be raped by her brother or father, but they wouldn’t let her dishonor the family. Like really?

Once the marriage took place too, they were raped by their husbands. I am not sure in which world we live in that these things are happening right in front of people in the United Kingdom so what more could I say about India?

My country has millions of cases of honor killings, rape, and abuse but what makes the United Kingdom more progressive than my own country? Nothing.

It broke my heart completely knowing that grass is not always greener on the other side. It broke my heart to know your own parents could make your life hell and in return, you cannot even ask them a simple question: why me? It broke my heart because rape is a big issue and a father telling his daughter it’s the birthright of a husband to rape a woman is out of my understanding.

I am assured by all corners of life by now that women aren’t safe anywhere. We aren’t. Sometimes we don’t have to wait for enemies to cross our paths in other countries because they are living with us in the abode. We don’t have to wait for someone else to rape us because that’s something we will be punished with if we raise our voices.

The more I read these kinds of books the more I realize it’s inhuman to be born into families who do not know what our Holy Book preaches and follow the mindset of those cunning souls who have no conscience and ways to live a life full of dignity, respect, and faith.

It makes me feel ashamed of being a Sikh because my religion doesn’t preach anything that they are asking their daughters and sons to follow. I am not even sure which book preaches that and finds it way normal to get the daughters raped at home or by someone else to teach them a lesson.

As far as I can recall, my holy book has placed women at the highest level of respect because her kings are born, and she is the one who gives life to others. I wish these morons who are committing crimes in the name of religion and humanity may rot in hell and never be reborn as humans again.

Excerpts:

* It felt all wrong being forced to marry a man I didn’t know, but I didn’t tell.
She listened and then she told me in turn about her life — raped by her brother when she was eight, betrayed by her mother who knew but turned a blind eye, forced into marriage that she fled from.

* When Khalida got raped by her husband she told my dad, and he said, “That’s not rape, it’s a husband’s right”. That was his answer, and I was really shocked to hear it.

* Then I went upstairs, and they followed me, and my stepdad was beating me up and my mum was shouting at me, she said, “If you don’t listen to us and do what we say, your stepdad is going to rape you”.

* For a Pathan a black person is the lowest of the low, she whispered.

* I mean society at large — stand on forced marriage today is where we were on domestic violence in the 1970s. It happens to others, it’s unfortunate, but what can you do? It took a massive government campaign, funding, and tireless work on the part of voluntary organizations to change that attitude, and — in my view — that’s what we need to see again.”

* I say people because it’s not just women, there are men who need protection too.

* She has skydived, walked on glaciers, and even been to rock festivals. She still suffers nightmares and flashbacks from the past and relies on tranquilizers and sleeping pills. There is no contact with her family, but she longs one day to have a child of her own.

About Author

Jasvinder Sanghera runs a strong and brave organization named Karma Nirvana in the United Kingdom and you can make donations to her awesome work to help other women who have been abused, kidnapped, raped, forced into marriages, and attempted to kill by their own family members.

www.karmanirvana.org.uk

I am soon going to pick up another book ‘Shame’ based on her real-life story and will be coming back with a review of it.

Meanwhile, let’s do our part by raising awareness and offering a helping hand to those who have been detested, abandoned, and disrespected by their own family.

Thank you for reading my words.

[Sunitha Prabhu · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Daughters of Shame" by Jasvinder Saghera is a book based on true horrific stories of mostly young Pakistani Muslim women and Sikhs. It lists the stories of some of the young girls that are tortured by their family in the name of honour, by the people they expect will support them, in unimaginable ways.

Though it often uses "Asian culture" to generalise the horror, the incidents/stories listed relate to Pakistani Muslims and Sikhs. Honour killings is mainly dominant in the Muslim society. The "right of owning" of the females by males is mainly dominant in the Muslim and Sikh societies.

[Nabila Ahmad · Rating 2 out of 5]

I decided to read this book as I read the book shame by the same author. Unfortunately, I am not the biggest fan of the way the book is written. Although the topics within the book is of keen interest for me, I struggled to enjoy reading this book and even finish it.

The stories of the survivors are heartbreaking and should be spoken about. I admire the author’s resilience and determination but I think this book could have been written in a better manner.

[Josette Micallef · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gives a very good insight about what a lot of women (but even men) go through because of forced marriages and family honour. I believe it is our duty to know that these things continue to happen. I hope many others out there will be saved from such horrific experiences thanks to caring people like the author of this book.

[Lucy Lowry]

Didn't finish this I'm afraid. The facts described in it were very interesting, but I found the polemical/evangelical tone a bit tedious after a while. I'd rather she had had a lighter touch and let the facts speak for themselves a bit more.

[M]

finding it a bit confusing, it keeps going back and forward to different stories.

[Dr.J.G. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have only just begun after finishing the first one - Shame - in two days, and this one naturally takes off with a flying start. Every one goes to heart. One wishes one could do something, even if it is only to hold the hurt little ones and reassure them.
..........................................


It took a couple of days longer to finish this one, since it gets rather oppressing to realise it is all quite so ubiquitous - a systematic physical and emotional and in fact every other form of abuse of daughters geared towards using them as currency to keeping up one's own social prestige. Young girls somewhere around their teens, from as early as preteen to as late as early twenties, are held hostage to the concepts of honour that involve a slavery or worse for the women concerned, with no concern for their mental or emotional or often even physical well being and the only concern being to hand them over and to make them docile and servile to the men who own them in a farce of a marriage.

These forced relationships are really not marriages, they are a male bound (in his ownership of her) to a woman, often as young as fourteen and expected to be a robot in her compliance with the expectations of her from everyone including in offering no resistance to rape by the husband (he has often no concept of any other form of a relationship with a wife), with both cheated of any possible joy or love in the relationship and in fact in life. There are frequent enough instances of the young wife's father offering to murder her if she is unwilling to allow a consummation of a forced marriage. And all this in a community that claims to give rights to women what with a formality of a consent asked in public at the wedding, which often is given on threat of murder ensuing non compliance from her of course.

These girls, even when they grow up in UK going to schools there with the local population, are not really familiar with any other world than the one the community forces on them what with rules of behaviour pertaining to all spheres of life, and they have a window in the schooling years to a better world with more freedom - albeit with dangers too, but then freedom with dangers is better than dangers guaranteed at home! But even when they have a courage and spirit to try to take a flight to a better life, often what cripples them is this very inability to connect to any other life when the old life steeped in the community is cut off from them.

And why should the community be cut off if they do attempt a better life? It is because in the communities - not all Asians, but those from a particular region in Asia, and of some but not all religions in those parts - the possibility of a daughter or a woman with any choice, any possible better life is simply unthinkable. Not that men of the community benefit in this, and one has to question who does. After all a family with a mother and wife unhappy and daughters disallowed to blossom cannot possibly be happy, they just don't know any different. And people who are not happy at home are easier to control.

So the mores imposed like a poisonous weed flourish to the extent that when a girl, a young woman leaves a home in fear for her life and in protest against a forced marriage, often with as honourable a wish as an aspiration to education, she is hunted out again and again until she gives in - and the whole community is a part of it until she is unable to find any solace in familiarity of the world she has known by meeting any people of her own community even when they are strangers. Even a person working for governmental institutions in UK who are supposed to help her and protect her might find his (or her) loyalty to the community override the work ethic, and inform on her, resulting in her being hunted out by those intent on kidnapping and - or - murdering her. Emotional blackmail is used successfully too, and some women do cave in after a while.

All this if the young one escapes in the first place. Until Jasvinder Sanghera started educating the police and schools and other institutions of UK that could and should help and protect the young in the immigrant communities of the nation about the issues involved, and pointed out that being sensitive to culture difference was resulting in murder and kidnapping and rapes and general abuse of the young British Asian girls, there was really no way for them to escape, no route as such. Often they did go to teachers and police, but with no help forthcoming.

Now, there is a growing lot of institutional help what with a growing awareness about the issues, and hopefully there will be a growth in the enlightenment of the general community too, resulting in more education and benefit for everyone, with a better quality of life.

Marriages can be arranged without being forced, Queen Victoria was key in arranging her children's and grandchildren's marriages with holidays arranged so the young could meet and be familiar - just an example.

In the world wide expatriate community rooted in India the "arranging" merely amounts to the young ones being free of concern for hunting out and wooing their partners until their education and career concerns are at a stage satisfactory enough to find a partner, and the family along with the various other routes used by dating agencies in the world - advertisements, marriage agencies, websites now - help to locate possible choices.

Often a young person looks at the data selected for him or her with a few candidates shortlisted from the few hundred or so responses, there are meetings arranged where the young have a conversation with some privacy and might judge how they feel, and each has a possibility of saying if they wish to proceed to be engaged (which is when they get to meet more, but still on relative privacy, chaperoned by a member or few of either family or both).

In effect, this amounts to either person being as well educated and able to pursue his or her career as the family and the circumstances afford, all things considered. Hence the wide spread progress in the majority of people with roots in India, with excellence in education and career being a foundation considered important.

And it does help when one is not supposed to deviate from those aims while still young, not worry about being popular or learning to use cosmetics or being with fashion. One might do it a bit but it is far from a stigma to be plain, simple and good at academic and other achievements - on the contrary. In addition, often someone who finds love is able to deal with it, since such a concept is not considered evil but merely something the family has to deal with on par with any other way of finding a partner.

The key difference of the two pictures, of course, is - education, career, choices, and a help with finding a partner rather than the family forcing one at a young age out of a good life into a bed with an unwanted stranger against one's protests and in fear for life.

And the most major key difference is the concept of family and woman, with a forced marriage being based on no recognition of individual, considering everyone as a property of the family, and any individual choices being threatening to the honour of the family. This idea of the honour being so fragile as to be threatened by a blossoming of the family is the root of all the evil described here.

In the wider Asian community rooted in India, honour is neither so fragile nor dependent on the living death of the family and women - on the contrary. It is the growth and blossoming of the family - including the women - with education and achievements and careers and progress that is key in the wider community, these essentials replacing the killingly misplaced concept of honour that are used in forced marriages.

There can be no honour in forcing a woman to marry, (or even a man unless he has played with a woman or raped her - and even then it is no good for her - ) - much less in abusing and kidnapping and having her raped by the officially designated person in the name of one's own prestige in the community. Such a concept makes one a slave owner and one's family robots, no more.
................................................


At one point there is a further analysis of the situation of immigrants, with some commonalities to the general migrants around the world (including the various colonial rulers through the ages in lands far away from their roots) but with some frightening consequences in this case.

The immigrants in UK, even those of Asian origin and even those that speak a particular language or two that are related to one another really, are further divided by one important difference - that of religion. And while two out of the various different religions in this context have a concept of "honour" about ownership of daughters to such an extent they would rather hunt out a woman and murder her, there is one that allows, indeed takes pride in its tradition of, easy divorces. This usually does not in practice result in a freedom for a woman although in theory that is the idea - in practice it results in the woman being cast aside as soon as her forced husband has achieved his aim of getting a legal status his own to settle in UK. Then he is free to bring another bride from back home, one unable to speak English, with no ties and no support for her in UK. And thus the community grows - grows as immigrants growing further apart from the ambient society even as they grow in number. And in this lie the roots of much of the disturbance plaguing the world today.

These immigrants have no ties to the land they live in, have little or no intention of being connected much less absorbed or even a part of a salad bowl. All the pain and travails of being far away from one's emotional roots are translated thus into a hatred of the very society they clamour so much to be legally a part of, with marriages paving a way as a ladder to climb from being an Asian to a UK citizen.
............................................................


Other parts of the community, those without easy divorces, have had ties to other just as horrible ways to take their pain and hatred out on another part of the world - back home, in fact, with much pain inflicted in attempt to carve out pieces of a land they left behind; they do not and never did intend to return, of course, merely to attempt a show of what they could do. The talk of a separate homeland goes on still amongst these migrants to faraway lands while back home it has gone away, it never was a real possibility there with the community so very widespread as to make it another farce.

Those immigrants, with no easy divorces allowed in their faith, instead resort to killing the daughters that do not comply with being objects traded for prestige.
........................................................



Again, majority of the world wide population with roots in India have not so much fear or aversion to being integrated into the ambient society where they live, however gently - most migrants do not easily give way to losing their own culture, and indeed flourishing of such cultural gardens is a key to growth of nations that are not xenophobic. But they do accept the children growing up abroad with them as part of the nations they have migrated to and while they might impart their cultural values and attempt to keep in touch with relatives back home or fellow immigrants around, marriages are not forced and education a matter of pride as is any other achievement, and of course careers.

Marriages of children with local population or other immigrants (not of one's own culture but those of roots far away) do happen and are accepted, and attempts are made sincerely to make things work. In fact often enough a first generation immigrant ends up marrying a person from the place he or she has been living in, and such marriages are accepted too, and often work quite well.

Which is not to say things are all perfect in one community or another - only, that the practices of one or two of the communities of the general "Asian" immigrants in UK are far from ubiquitous of the region of their origin as a whole.
....................................................


In fact, the people mentioned in this book, with forced marriages and abuse and rapes and killings and kidnappings in name of prestige (I don't, really don't think it is honour in any way for anyone, it is only prestige and status!) - they remind me of another set of migrants, those of Asians in US (which there means orientals, that is, mostly with roots in China and related lands).

Chinatowns in US have long had the notoriety of being difficult for the local or state or any other agencies in the country to deal with, and there is generally little protection for the people being smuggled in and trafficked as labour or white slaves.

The difference is, in UK they do it to their own daughters and wives and family members. Not just fellow community members, as in Chinatowns of US, but actually their own blood - daughters and sisters and nieces - and life partners.

And often sons too.
................................

(Friday, April 17, 2009)

[Ape · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had a vague awareness of forced marriages in the UK, but this book has proved to be a real education for me. I've come across the honour-fixation in families more through a lot of books I've read about women's lives in the middle east and north Africa. I hadn't realised these forced marriages, and woman (and men) who have to run away from their families to escape this, the beatings and the humiliations, are so numerous in the UK. Or seemingly when reading this book. It would have been good to get some perspective as to how widespread this is in Asian families. I can't believe all families are this bad. But it's awful to think that this is going on so often. There is so much hate, and really it's medieval expecting this much control over a woman's life - hitting her and treating her like a slave, locking teenage girls up in their houses until they can be married. And it feels like something out of the dark ages to read about the obsession about honour. Everyone's there in their hate-filled lives, making each other miserable, and all for this 'honour'? I mean, where is it getting anyone? How about letting people develop and flourish and decide how their own lives are going to look. In the families described in this book, even deciding who your own life partner will be is a step to far, but imagine other lifestyle choices such as never marrying, or never having children? I guess some of this pressure and hate is cyclical, as the parents will have been in forced marriages themselves, which perhaps hasn't worked out as they might have hoped. It's cultural and it's the way it's always been. So if they've been miserable and controlled, why should anyone else have freedom? The other thing that surprised me is how internally focused everything is. There's a lot of hate for other cultures. When girls get boyfriends who are white or black, this is considered as yet more slurs against the family honour as people from these races simply aren't good enough.

I haven't read Sanghera's first book, which is about her own life and experiences of forced marriage. She's incredibly courageous coming out publicly with all of this, but really, education and talking about these issues are the only way things are going to change. And she shows how trusting others with her stories allows her to bond with other women who are trying to escape these abusive situations and start life again. In this book the focus is on other women (and one man) who have either come to her for help, or she has gotten to know through giving the police cultural advice on some of the cases they are dealing with.

Sanghera runs a charity organisation, Karma Nirvana, helping women, and men who need to escape these situations, and also working with the police and schools, giving talks and spreading the word. I often find myself worrying about the founding people in these stories, because they end up giving up so much for their charities, and you can see other parts of their lives being missed out on. Her own personal security is threatened, but she's determined and keeps working at her cause. I've had a quick look online (because this book is already 8 years old) and it's so nice to see they're still going, and it looks like they have such a big team there now. There's hope that things will get better. I'd be curious to read more of her books to learn more about this subject.

[Sum · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read daughters of shame as I feel a very loose affiliation with the author since we share a name and her story sparked so much shock and outrage at the time it came out. I also live in one of the areas she cites in her book which has such high rates of South Asian suicide. Far too easily, even I have forgotten all of the different shades of religious conservatism that exist in the U.K., and that the notion of honour based violence and more shockingly violence can pervade.

I’m grateful that there are avenues like Karma Nirvana that exist for the very real threats that people do genuinely face. Also, the education that her cause offers to us all on these topics so that authorities and communities are involved on these dark topics, willing to understand how deeply entrained notions such as ‘ijjat’ are.

All in all - this was a short but very difficult book to read as its pages are filled with tragedy and hardship, and no clear happy ending. She gets threatened repeatedly by the families of the people she is helping and has her windows of her office smeared with human shit. All of this she endures for helping vulnerable women escape. Even the happy endings are caveated with everything that has been lost, with the threat of family looming or a regression back to the norm. I don’t know what the take away clean message is, and I don’t think there is one.

Its tough because the message in the book seems to be for these societies to become more westernised and modern to afford liberty and freedom. Whilst I agree I think there’s a delicate balance in that.
For example, in one of the cases she refers to a girl who now clubs and wears what she likes. Fine. But I hope the message there is symbolic rather than to be taken as a statement on liberty - because in my view “freedom” is much simpler, ie doing what you want yet doesn’t necessarily have to be embedded in western views. Not conforming to one of thinking doesn’t mean mindlessly conforming to another. At times the language of the choices made by the women can be patronising. There are many positives of both Sikhism and Islam so the lack of nuance gives an overly simplistic view of the issues within the culture.

Critique aside, I think this is an important book for legislators, the police and other members of the community as an essential insight into what is a ‘hidden’ problem to anyone outside of these communities

[Future Font · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Prison is freedom for me." - Fatima The stark comparison one of the survivors makes between prison and her family life, describing prison as offering more freedom, underscores the extreme control and lack of autonomy these women face at home, where honour is central to their social standing. This powerful moment highlights the severity of their situations and their ongoing struggle for freedom.

Daughters of Shame tackles incredibly important topics within the South Asian community such as honour killings and forced marriages. Sanghera excels in addressing misconceptions that women in forced marriages and abusive relationships can simply leave. She illustrates the complexity of escaping these situations, which often place these women in even greater danger, as they risk being tracked down by their families or spouses. When these women are tracked down, they are kidnapped back to their old, repressive lives or are murdered in the name of honour, raising questions whether true freedom is ever attainable.

However, this book could've been written better. Like other reviewers have mentioned, the back and forth, disjointed structure diminishes its emotional impact and makes it difficult to fully engage with each woman's story. In a book that deals with such heavy themes, a more organised narrative would've emphasised the distinctiveness of each story whilst still highlighting the shared struggles between these women. When their stories are spread out over different chapters, it becomes challenging to keep track of their individual progress and outcomes, especially when the stories are so similar. Poor writing in this context feels like a disservice to the women whose lives are being shared. I believe that a non-fiction book, especially one focused on real women's traumatic experiences, should be more than just a collection of events - it should be a well-crafted narrative.

That being said, I still recommend this book, not for its writing, but for the dark reality this book uncovers. Despite its structural flaws, the stories within the book are crucial for understanding the extreme challenges these women face and the urgent need for change. Sanghera’s dedication to helping these women escape through her charity, Karma Nirvana, is inspiring. Her work has significantly impacted many victims of honour crimes and forced marriages and her efforts to ensure their safety and advocate for them are commendable.

[Darshita Patolia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked up Daughters of Shame based solely on the title and a quick Google search that confirmed it wasn’t fiction. What I found within its pages shook me to the core.

As a South Asian woman, I was appalled—but not surprised—by the stories Jasvinder Sanghera shares. The brutal realities of honour-based violence, forced marriages, and deeply ingrained patriarchy are sadly not unfamiliar. These aren’t tales from the distant past—they’re stories of girls and young women, living in modern Western societies, being forcibly taken back to South Asia, stripped of autonomy, and subjected to unimaginable cruelty. Their only "crime"? Wanting to live a life of their choosing.

What’s most disturbing is how these atrocities are not only committed but are often condoned in silence—swept under the rug in the name of culture, tradition, or family honour. In South Asian communities, a woman’s virtue is treated like fragile jewellery—precious, protected, and policed. This book painfully exposes how such thinking continues to cost lives.

Sanghera doesn't just recount these stories—she gives voice to the silenced and stands unflinchingly at the frontlines of a fight many wouldn’t dare approach. Her courage is not only admirable, it is necessary.

This book also forced me to confront difficult truths. While I have not experienced these extremes, to say I am completely unaffected would be dishonest. Internalized patriarchy runs deep, and it’s not just the older generation perpetuating it. Every time we judge another woman for being “too much”—too outspoken, too bold, too independent—we’re upholding the same system we claim to fight.

Daughters of Shame is not an easy read, but it is an essential one. It demands attention, introspection, and action. Jasvinder Sanghera has sparked a fire, and I want to be part of the change she’s fighting for—even if it means helping one life at a time.

[Bella98 · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book had me in tears. I read this book after watching Jasvinder Sanghera’s TED talk and I’m so glad I did. It has become one of my favourite books for sure. Its something I guess we all know, but something we don’t really think much about. Hearing people’s stories really puts it into perspective and makes you realise how bad honour based crimes are. There’s a misconception that they only happen in the Middle East etc and not in western countries. But this book is proof that these people will also turn to honour based crime against their daughters or sons. It’s something that we should all acknowledge, spread awareness about and to do something about it to erase these cultural beliefs about honour.
It’s disgusting that people will literally turn against their daughters (or sons) just because they fall in love with someone out of the culture, caste or religion or being westernised and that they will go to extreme lengths to stop them by abuse, rape and even murder.
There is NO honour in honour killings. This disgusting culture of honour needs to stop.
Many of these women fled from their families to feel independent and free, but many also fled only to be struggling financially and emotionally and many were tracked down by their families and had to keep moving house. Overall this book was amazing, I finished it in 2 days and couldn’t put it down for a second. Highly recommend.

[Nikhita (The_readers_hive) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Horrifying. Dreadful. Inhuman. Sad.
I couldn't find any happy word about this book. Each page, every story brought me to tears and the only moment I felt happy was when the victims escaped and found shelter in Karma Nirvana.
I have so much respect for Jasvinder Sanghera for what she does. After running from a forced marriage at the age of 16, she built herself stronger and helped other women escape honour based crimes as well. It is her courage to stand up for anyone in need and never fearing the cultural barriers who threaten her on each step forward.
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This book is being narrated by Jasvinder of the stories of young women she helped save from forced marriages and honour based crimes. There are also stories she heard from the ones who could escape, of the ones who couldn't and how they suffered brutally at the hands of their families. .
The stories brought light to a very important aspect also, which was the challenge for british police to decide whether or not to get involved in cultural differences but try to protect citizens at the same time. Intially,they were hesitant but when they associated with Karma Nirvana and heard of the seriousness of the situation,they had to do something and I am happy they do.
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TRIGGER WARNING-
This book might turn up a bad decision for some people so I would advice you not to read it if you are sensitive towards violence and killing.

[Salma Salifu · Rating 5 out of 5]

i read the original shame when i was like 9 - i think either my mum or sister had a copy, and i had enough of an attention span to read whatever i could get my hands on. jasvinder’s account, without me even realising, has probably greatly shaped my approach to feminism - and feminism concerning women of colour specifically - more than i could ever know. i recognised her name seeing this book in a charity shop and immediately knew i had to get my hands on it.

she has done it again. i saw this off in an afternoon. the amount of times i audibly gasped and had to shut the book; i wish i could praise her for her ability to craft a compelling narrative, but unfortunately these stories are all very real. i think i’m going to spend the rest of my life wondering what these survivors are up to now, and if they’re well.

jasvinder’s backstory takes a large step back here, but nonetheless the mourning of her family and connection to her culture ring true. some of the other reviews lament the ‘superficial’ accounts of the other survivors, but i appreciated the breadth; although i did find myself slightly muddled with the references to people who’d only had a page or two dedicated to their stories. seeing the evolution of karma nirvana was a very full circle moment for little me :)

[Azzah · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was my sister's. I wouldn't typically pick up this book. But once in a while, I like to read memoirs.

This book was really good. At first, I didn't like it. I felt like it was too much; in terms of "going against the religion" and "she should've stick to minding her own business". My ignorance came from not being familiar with such stories. I didn't even know the author had a biography titled "Shame".

As I turned page after page, it got more interesting. It really opened up my mind that these stories exist; and that it has nothing to with religion and love, and everything to do with ego and arrogance. There are parts that I was angry and at other parts, I was really angry. It's just really sad to read these stories, and really tragic for some as the victims ended up dead.

I'm really glad that there are organisations like hers that help these victims. I just hope there are no more of such tragedies.

To me, this isn't a heavy read at all, as it was almost like reading a diary. I also love that I learnt a lot from this book. I definitely recommend reading this book.

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I stumbled across Jasvinder Sanghera on You Tube through a Ted Talk. Sanghera ran away from home and her family in order not to be forced into marriage with a stranger. She went on to found Karma Nirvana, a community-based project to help South Asian women in the UK to escape family violence and forced marriage. Sanghera wrote about her own experiences in her memoir "Shame" (on my to read list) and "Daughters of Shame" is the follow-up book. It tells the story of some of the women (and men) that Sanghera has worked with over the years with Karma Nirvana and the progress that the charity has made in helping victims of forced marriage and the abuse at the hands of family members that frequently goes along with it. It is a very eye-opening read and for me I gained a great insight into the lives of these people which gave me a greater understanding of the issue of forced marriages, how it has insidiously permeated South Asian culture and how it is not an easy problem to deal with and change because of that.

[What to read next ....... · Rating 4 out of 5]

Daughters Of Shame an eye 👁 opening read, about South Asian Woman, affected by domestic violence and honour based violence crimes all based on forced marriages.
Jasvinder Sanghera knows what it means to flee from her own family under the threat of forced marriage, and to face terrible consequences that follow.
As a young girl she really had no choice.
Jasvinder is now in the front line of the battle to save woman from honour based violence and threat of forced marriage, that destroyed her own youth.

Daughter of Shame reveals the stories of young woman forced into marriage.
Jasvinder is the co founder of Karma Nirvana a community based project that supports this issue.

Jasvinder l am a Catholic and l was so sad of what these women and men have to go through all for religion.

I applaud you of the work you do, and admire the strength that you went through.

[Vichta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Autobiograficzna. Wielka Brytania, czasy obecne.
Młoda Pakistanka ucieka z domu przed zaaranżowanym małżeństwem z człowiekiem, którego nie zna. Rodzina się jej wyrzekła. Musi radzić sobie sama. A nie jest to łatwe. Nie dość, że jej się to udało, to jeszcze założyła organizację, która pomaga młodym kobietom (mężczyznom też) uniknąć takiego losu. Książka opowiada historie kilku z nich.
Autorce przez cały czas grozi niebezpieczeństwo ze strony "zhańbionych" rodzin, którym córkom Jasvinder udzieliła pomocy.
P.S. W szpitalu, gdzie pracuję, wiszą na ścianach plakaty tej organizacji...

[Janice Raquela · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a heart wrencher. To experience such horrifying pain, betrayal and rejection from the ones who are supposed to protect you and raise you. To go through what these brave young women went through. To grow up so quickly, forced to protect yourself from the ones who are supposed to protect you.

This book highlights the issue of forced marriages and honour killings. Countless women and , girls have been subjected to this gruesome attrocity, some escape while others don't survive.

[Rabeea Ali · Rating 2 out of 5]

'Daughters of Shame' is a social commentary book by Jasvinder Sanghera that addresses honor-based violence, particularly focusing on forced marriages. The author draws from her personal experiences as well as the stories of individuals she sought to help in the UK. As she gains support, she establishes an organization called Karma Nirvana, aimed at assisting those trapped by cultural expectations.

The stories, while tragic, haven't been presented in a captivating manner.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found the author’s commitment to her cause inspiring. Her stories of individual young women in a culture of forced marriage made my jaw drop. I’m so pleased she took the time to share her story and her ambition so that I am better informed and gained new perspective regarding a culture I live near but knew nothing about.