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Behaving Like Adults
Meet Holly, the sunny twenty-nine-year-old owner of Girl Meets Boy, a dating service for those who are "beautiful inside and out." Though she's a successful matchmaker, she hasn't quite fulfilled her own relationship dreams (her ex-fiancé, Nick, seems unlikely to progress from his job as Mr. Elephant, children's party entertainer). So when her friends dare her to pick a man off the top of the pile, she's game.
But in one awful evening, the seemingly perfect Stuart turns out to be a complete cad, and Holly's belief in the goodness of humanity takes a hit. What does it mean for her business and her romantic future if she can no longer trust her ability to read people? Holly's friends and colleagues are drawn into the complicated drama of her life, while Holly learns her most important lesson: to trust herself.
Rueful and hilarious, Behaving Like Adults is a must-read novel of men and women growing up -- in spite of themselves.
But in one awful evening, the seemingly perfect Stuart turns out to be a complete cad, and Holly's belief in the goodness of humanity takes a hit. What does it mean for her business and her romantic future if she can no longer trust her ability to read people? Holly's friends and colleagues are drawn into the complicated drama of her life, while Holly learns her most important lesson: to trust herself.
Rueful and hilarious, Behaving Like Adults is a must-read novel of men and women growing up -- in spite of themselves.
400 pages, Paperback
First published November 15, 2002
51 people are currently reading
1826 people want to read
About the author
Anna Maxted
29 books190 followersAnna Maxted is a bestselling author based in North London, England. Born in 1969, she is married to fellow author and journalist Philip Robinson and they have three young sons. She writes female contemporary fiction which is viewed to be at the high end of the chick lit market. Anna Maxted read English Literature at Girton College, Cambridge, before becoming a journalist. She is former Assistant Editor of Cosmopolitan, and has freelanced for most national newspapers and magazines, including The Independent on Sunday, The Daily Telegraph, The Daily Mirror, Sunday Mirror, The Times, Daily Express, FHM, Esquire and Living Etc.
...
As well as being rich in humour, Anna's novels invariably deal with some of the deeper and more complicated issues facing women, such as grief, abandonment, rejection, motherhood, and sibling rivalry.
Her first novel Getting Over It, was semi-autobiographical and based very much around her experience of the death of her own father.
(wikipedia)
...
As well as being rich in humour, Anna's novels invariably deal with some of the deeper and more complicated issues facing women, such as grief, abandonment, rejection, motherhood, and sibling rivalry.
Her first novel Getting Over It, was semi-autobiographical and based very much around her experience of the death of her own father.
(wikipedia)
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 139 reviews
January 12, 2022
This is more of a comic confessional to a degree, albeit with a dark heart that I felt that I was almost ambushed with in light of the tone and style of the book, (and the book cover), I'd say. Optimistic dating agency founder Holly has boy troubles that get a whole lot worse when she agrees to date somebody on her books, the ensuing dark date changes her life, and not for the better. Can Holly get her life back? Maxted has taken on a difficult task in trying to build a somewhat humorous novel around such a dark subject as , and although she writes Holly really well, it all still feels like a serious mismatch. 5 out of 12
2008 read
2008 read
November 12, 2017
Hmmm this is a difficult one.
Bit of a conundrum here as, on the one hand, Anna Maxted is a highly skilled writer. Her descriptions are fun and interesting and dialogue is good - ticking all the right boxes for an interesting read. However - big HOWEVER - this book was extremely boring. I was wondering if this is evidence that the best technical writers don't necessarily write the best stories.
As far as plot goes, something happens in the beginning - then nothing very much happens at all - just pages and pages and pages of dialogue between characters who are well defined, but who don't add much to the plot. This is not a page turner, in fact I skipped chunks of it just so I could get to the end. The plot was messy, opportunities were missed and it was twice as long as needed to be.
The main character - Holly - was flawed and made stupid decisions which was slightly unrealistic and very infuriating, but I didn't mind too much as I like imperfect heroines. The leading man was a knob - I didn't want her to end up with him. He was literally useless. The other characters - work colleagues, sisters, parents - were mostly pointless. There are dozens of dead chapters in this book where nothing happens and the plot isn't moved forward. The shape is all wrong. It doesn't build from the first few chapters, it declines. The pace was slow and meandering. It was just weird.
Anyway, I've been loaned another of Maxted's books, so I'll give her one last shot ! If it's more of the same, I'll leave it.
Bit of a conundrum here as, on the one hand, Anna Maxted is a highly skilled writer. Her descriptions are fun and interesting and dialogue is good - ticking all the right boxes for an interesting read. However - big HOWEVER - this book was extremely boring. I was wondering if this is evidence that the best technical writers don't necessarily write the best stories.
As far as plot goes, something happens in the beginning - then nothing very much happens at all - just pages and pages and pages of dialogue between characters who are well defined, but who don't add much to the plot. This is not a page turner, in fact I skipped chunks of it just so I could get to the end. The plot was messy, opportunities were missed and it was twice as long as needed to be.
The main character - Holly - was flawed and made stupid decisions which was slightly unrealistic and very infuriating, but I didn't mind too much as I like imperfect heroines. The leading man was a knob - I didn't want her to end up with him. He was literally useless. The other characters - work colleagues, sisters, parents - were mostly pointless. There are dozens of dead chapters in this book where nothing happens and the plot isn't moved forward. The shape is all wrong. It doesn't build from the first few chapters, it declines. The pace was slow and meandering. It was just weird.
Anyway, I've been loaned another of Maxted's books, so I'll give her one last shot ! If it's more of the same, I'll leave it.
February 27, 2007
The first three paragraphs are GREAT. The rest... is not. Cliched plot, cliched characters. It's been done before, and definitely done better.
July 14, 2025
So the book did cover really important themes. However, it was way too long, the story dragged and somehow it felt pretty shallow. This took me months to finish, since I couldn’t read more than one chapter at a time.
June 10, 2007
Until recently I have shunned "chick lit" but I also don't believe in completely ignoring a genre because of personal prejudice. I chose to read this book for two conflicting reasons that in themselves sum up the book beautifully: the sleek cover art and because of the "tougher issues" addressed in the book.
The book for the most part is a typical chick lit: a thirty year old successful woman in a glamorous job tosses aside her long time boyfriend/fiance for her own shallow insecurities. Having given him the heave-ho she realizes that there are men worse than hers and this realization nearly destroys her business, friendships and self esteem. In the end those around her conspire to get her back on her feet and together with her one true (albeit not perfect) love. Had the book only been about that plot I would have tossed it aside.
Instead Maxted tosses at her shallow and self absorbed protagonist a variety of issues: rape, law suits, unwanted pregnancy, clinical depression, and adoption among others. For all of this crap that Holly is faced with I wish I could say that she follows the title of the book and behaves like an adult. But she doesn't. She repeatedly makes things worse for herself by hiding from the unpleasantries of her life. While at times these scenes are poignant and understandable, after awhile I had to side with Holly's friends and coworkers at their frustration with her behavior.
So why did I keep reading it? I read it for Nick, Holly's much maligned boyfriend and sometimes fiance. The only thing I could figure out is why he kept taking her back but people are stupid about love in real life so I can't quibble. Nick for all of Holly's bitching and moaning is actually the more mature of the two.
The book for the most part is a typical chick lit: a thirty year old successful woman in a glamorous job tosses aside her long time boyfriend/fiance for her own shallow insecurities. Having given him the heave-ho she realizes that there are men worse than hers and this realization nearly destroys her business, friendships and self esteem. In the end those around her conspire to get her back on her feet and together with her one true (albeit not perfect) love. Had the book only been about that plot I would have tossed it aside.
Instead Maxted tosses at her shallow and self absorbed protagonist a variety of issues: rape, law suits, unwanted pregnancy, clinical depression, and adoption among others. For all of this crap that Holly is faced with I wish I could say that she follows the title of the book and behaves like an adult. But she doesn't. She repeatedly makes things worse for herself by hiding from the unpleasantries of her life. While at times these scenes are poignant and understandable, after awhile I had to side with Holly's friends and coworkers at their frustration with her behavior.
So why did I keep reading it? I read it for Nick, Holly's much maligned boyfriend and sometimes fiance. The only thing I could figure out is why he kept taking her back but people are stupid about love in real life so I can't quibble. Nick for all of Holly's bitching and moaning is actually the more mature of the two.
October 22, 2018
Told in the voice of Holly, a twenty-something owner of a dating service in London, this novel blends Bridget Jones-like wit with insight into what it feels like to be a victim of what used to be called "date rape" and is now considered frank sexual assault. What carries the day is the author's dry, very British writing style. Samples:
p. 162 That child is as sharp as a box of hedgehogs.
p. 364 They were thoroughly English yet seemed to have lost the national trait of reserve around the time Drake sent the Armada packing.
p. 384 Why hadn't I guessed those two were made for each other? They were frightful in exactly the same way.
Though this is a work of fiction, readers who find themselves shaken by a person who has wronged them will find the book helpful in a pop psychology sort of way:
p. 9 The best way to gall people who wish you ill is to not give them space in your head.
p. 153 The more you cut off, retreat to a safe place at the back of your head and shut the door, the easier it becomes. Easier than getting upset.
p. 141 The breath caught in my throat. I felt like and empty glass being slowly filled to the brim with water.
p. 347 People who refuse to worry about things that are out of their control astound me. Are they mad? Of course you should worry about things you can't control!--they're the things most likely to go wrong!
p. 347 He was simply a bad person who had done a bad thing. He did not possess the terrible omnipotence I'd given to him. He didn't have the power to destroy my life.
p. 364 It's hard to give up your dreams, Hol. No one wants to do that.It brings you closer to death.
p. 162 That child is as sharp as a box of hedgehogs.
p. 364 They were thoroughly English yet seemed to have lost the national trait of reserve around the time Drake sent the Armada packing.
p. 384 Why hadn't I guessed those two were made for each other? They were frightful in exactly the same way.
Though this is a work of fiction, readers who find themselves shaken by a person who has wronged them will find the book helpful in a pop psychology sort of way:
p. 9 The best way to gall people who wish you ill is to not give them space in your head.
p. 153 The more you cut off, retreat to a safe place at the back of your head and shut the door, the easier it becomes. Easier than getting upset.
p. 141 The breath caught in my throat. I felt like and empty glass being slowly filled to the brim with water.
p. 347 People who refuse to worry about things that are out of their control astound me. Are they mad? Of course you should worry about things you can't control!--they're the things most likely to go wrong!
p. 347 He was simply a bad person who had done a bad thing. He did not possess the terrible omnipotence I'd given to him. He didn't have the power to destroy my life.
p. 364 It's hard to give up your dreams, Hol. No one wants to do that.It brings you closer to death.
August 11, 2008
The first paragraph of the book got me, hook, line, and sinker:
Modern women don't believe in love. Believing in love carries roughly the same stigma as halitosis. It's as old-fashioned as going on a diet (as opposed to a detox). It suggests you have no sense of irony, and you like Meg Ryan films (the traditional sort). A modern woman cannot accept that Father Christmas is a fraud and persist in believing that one sunny day her dark handsome destiny will appear in a puff of Fahrenheit and haul her off to Happy Ever After.
I know all that and yet I do believe in love. I apologize. But I can't help it.
If you like Chick-lit and English wit, then you should like this. It does deal with a pretty serious topic, as noted in other reviews, but overall it's just a cheeky good read. It's actually quite funny and had me laughing out loud on more than one occasion. I definitely enjoyed her writing style enough to seek out other books by this author. I did, however, feel rather disheartened by the serious subject matter as I wasn't expecting it and had picked this up hoping for a good ol'-fashioned escapist and entertaining fluffy read. Still, I would recommend it, just for lines like this:
But mainly, I can't forgive her for coming to our house and saying in front of the cat, 'Whenever I see an animal charity I walk straight past it."
I love that.
Modern women don't believe in love. Believing in love carries roughly the same stigma as halitosis. It's as old-fashioned as going on a diet (as opposed to a detox). It suggests you have no sense of irony, and you like Meg Ryan films (the traditional sort). A modern woman cannot accept that Father Christmas is a fraud and persist in believing that one sunny day her dark handsome destiny will appear in a puff of Fahrenheit and haul her off to Happy Ever After.
I know all that and yet I do believe in love. I apologize. But I can't help it.
If you like Chick-lit and English wit, then you should like this. It does deal with a pretty serious topic, as noted in other reviews, but overall it's just a cheeky good read. It's actually quite funny and had me laughing out loud on more than one occasion. I definitely enjoyed her writing style enough to seek out other books by this author. I did, however, feel rather disheartened by the serious subject matter as I wasn't expecting it and had picked this up hoping for a good ol'-fashioned escapist and entertaining fluffy read. Still, I would recommend it, just for lines like this:
But mainly, I can't forgive her for coming to our house and saying in front of the cat, 'Whenever I see an animal charity I walk straight past it."
I love that.
April 4, 2014
Fortunately, I was pre-warned that this book was about a date-rape, and that's why I read it. There were many lines in Anna Maxted's book that really rang true for me, being a rape survivor myself. Holly starts to disconnect from her life and becomes extremely irresponsible after the assault. She also starts hating on her good from Nige, just because he is a guy. Until she really starts to process the rape and realize what she's doing. These anecdotes I felt were portrayed correctly.
However, I felt she twisted in way too many issues into a single book, and it became very unbelievable. Honestly, the entire time I wanted her to hate Nick for walking in when she was bring raped and not stopping it (even though it was natural for him to assume they were having consensual sex). She wasn't mad enough to be a rape survivor. Her emotions were way too light. It's like she took a couple therapy session's and everything was better. That's not really how it works, and it's dangerous to write in such a way that makes family and friends of survivors assume this is true.
However, I felt she twisted in way too many issues into a single book, and it became very unbelievable. Honestly, the entire time I wanted her to hate Nick for walking in when she was bring raped and not stopping it (even though it was natural for him to assume they were having consensual sex). She wasn't mad enough to be a rape survivor. Her emotions were way too light. It's like she took a couple therapy session's and everything was better. That's not really how it works, and it's dangerous to write in such a way that makes family and friends of survivors assume this is true.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 16, 2011
This book was really unimpressive, and it was hard to get into. I never got into it, even by the last page. Reading it to the finish was just an act of stubbornness. First of all, the characters did not seem believable at all. The main character, Holly, who also serves as the narrator, apparently runs her own business and owns a home, but she can lock herself up at home for weeks at a time without doing any work. She has a sister named Claudia who is a lesbian, and she has another sister who is a psychoanalyst. She also has an ex-boyfriend Nick who has recently discovered that he is adopted. Her parents are happy and well-adjusted middle class Brits. She has a friend named Rachel who is an overweight party planner. Also, she employs a metrosexual man named Nige who is also a good friend. Between family and work drama, as well as a rape and a phantom pregnancy, you would think this book would become intriguing at some point, but it doesn't. It's really boring!
September 29, 2011
This book was a little different than i expected it to be It,s set in London .Holly is the twenty nine year old owner of Girl meets Boy a dating service for those who are beautiful inside and out. Though she,s a success at match making her own love life is a disaster. Her ex fiance still lives in the house with her that they bought together.He doesn,t really work , he has a job as an elephant for childrens parties once in awhile. His parents are rich and they treat him like a child. When he finally moves out, Holly goes out on a date with one of the clients of the dating service. And the guy rapes her. Its all down hill from there. emotionally. Than Nick her ex finds out he was adopted and decides to find his birth mum. His adoptive parents are all upset. Holly has a pregnancy scare, at which point she asks Nick to marry her. Than turns out it was a false alarm and when she tells him he gets upset. You get drawn into Hollys family and friends lifes.
February 19, 2008
i'm glad to say this book ended much better than it began...things taken more seriously, interesting events that occurred. pretty good, considering how frustrated i was early on.
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2/5/2008...i'm becoming more unsatisfied/frustrated with maxted the more i read her. this one has some weird references to a possible date rape scenario, seems to minimize it, much in the way one of maxted's other books minimized the main character's anorexia. it's too bad because otherwise her books are a lot of fun and funny too. i will finish it though and see where i end up....
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2/5/2008...i'm becoming more unsatisfied/frustrated with maxted the more i read her. this one has some weird references to a possible date rape scenario, seems to minimize it, much in the way one of maxted's other books minimized the main character's anorexia. it's too bad because otherwise her books are a lot of fun and funny too. i will finish it though and see where i end up....
September 20, 2008
I wasn't sure if I would like this. I decided to give it another chance. Not too long in the book I was laughing out loud and that does not happen to me that much so I decided to keep reading. Then something i totally did not expect happened. The rape. You don't expect it in a chick lit book.
Anyways then when reading a bit more I thought O no, she is going to be nice to her rapist? I do not think I can read anymore, but I did keep on and glad I did.
It took me ages to read, I am not sure why. Maybe because of the small print, maybe the book itself was the cause, but when i was done I felt a bit sad. So that's a good sign.
Going to give this book 8.5.
thanks for sharing Rosie
Anyways then when reading a bit more I thought O no, she is going to be nice to her rapist? I do not think I can read anymore, but I did keep on and glad I did.
It took me ages to read, I am not sure why. Maybe because of the small print, maybe the book itself was the cause, but when i was done I felt a bit sad. So that's a good sign.
Going to give this book 8.5.
thanks for sharing Rosie
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 14, 2008
Anna Maxted is my guilty pleasure. This was the third book I'd read by her. It's probably my least favorite, but I still enjoyed it. I pick up her books to laugh and get a happy ending, and Maxted delivered on both. One thing I appreciate about her books is that even though they are funny, they also have a serious undertone. I think that in this book she tackles something more difficult than in the other two books I'd read by her, and maybe that's why I didn't like it quite as much. Still worth picking up if you like chick lit.
September 18, 2007
This is Anna Maxted’s third novel, and once again, she’s outdone herself. This time, her main character, Holly, is a successful, confident woman – that is, until she is sexually assaulted. Holly’s world is turned upside down, and the novel becomes about her journey back to her old self. Once again, Maxted had you multi-tasking while you read her books – you flip the pages, both laughing and crying.
April 27, 2016
This one was hard to get through, not because it was bad, but because of the event that happened that shook the protagonist. Without giving too much detail, it was pretty serious...but yet the author found a way to keep humor around the situation, which is much like real life. Comedy doesn't stop because of something terrible has happened so kudos to the writer to keeping it light but yet serious with awareness at the same time.
April 21, 2008
As the rating suggests, this book was okay. There is nothing special about it, the narrative wasn't riviting although it was interesting how the protagonist views and deals with her rape. Funny in places but overall not amazing.
December 6, 2014
I picked up this book from a free secondhand books stall expecting a fun but trashy read. It turned out to be a lot better than I expected - very easy to read and very light, chick-lit style but with some much more serious themes (rape, adoption, business freud etc.). Really enjoyed reading this!
February 5, 2017
Enjoyed it. Chick-litish, but serious.
August 1, 2024
I hate books about stupid women...and this is a book about a stupid woman. Nope, not for me. Felt like such a waste of time. I think I am done with Anna Maxted.
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October 9, 2017
Ah chick lit... people don't understand why I would like it, I think. I'm not a woman! I'm kind of austere and severe! I'm unromantic! But whenever I read something that really gets into the female experience, I find myself seeing how very much I am like a woman. Sometimes, as with Brene Brown's book on shame, I see how I feel disempowered and ashamed, while in this case, some of that was there, but here I resonated more with the protagonist's desire to please and make people happy while also being suspicious of others. I find women attractive and fascinating, to some extent for whatever other reasons a man might find women attractive and fascinating, but also I want to "hear their voices"... and what better for that than a book written by a woman for women?
One aspect of woman's experience that I don't know firsthand is that of a woman's instrumental use of romantic relationships (Holly uses Stuart to get rid of Nick), nor do I understand firsthand an actual rape experience or the fear of rape. The light tone of the book and Holly's attempt to live in the light-toned world (if that makes sense) was powerful against the fact of her rape, and this seems to have been very much on purpose in a good way (which is to say, "artistic"), and is to Anna Maxted's credit.
Granted, I wouldn't necessarily always take Maxted's word that women are the way she portrays them. Of the women I do know, only one seems to "live in Maxted's world" or worldview, if that makes sense (although the reality of rape is a universal that they all acknowledge). But I think that mainly indicates my small social world. Maxted, a former Cosmopolitan editor, is writing to almost the same audience as Cosmopolitan, the same world, but perhaps to the more sensible and well-read inhabitants of it. Cosmopolitan is a fairly successful magazine, and isn't necessarily the only one like it, either. So a lot of women resonate with Maxted's book or something like it. If one of my friends seems to be somewhat of the same type, then that's a good sign that Maxted isn't just completely making things up. If I met a random woman, it might be helpful to predict that she might be like Maxted's characters, but most of the women I actually know would be badly predicted that way. (Probably best not to predict, eh?)
At this time of night, I don't feel like going into great detail about Maxted's worldview, not much of whatever I might suppose is specifically female, by the way, just these quotes:
"What could be more important than finding love?" p. 212
"I wasn't sure if this was true. And again, it sounded patronizing, along the lines of 'how marvelous!' As if Claudia had no legs and was running the marathon by spinning herself along in a wheelchair." p. 214
"You'd think with all the death, poverty, cruelty, torture, and misery in the world, angels would have more important tasks to fulfill than to inform Gloria where she'd dropped her storybook." p. 219
"Now, I'm convinced that your revenge on the people who wrong you is the certainty of their deep unhappiness, because I believe that is the root of evil." p. 335
"I don't believe suffering teaches you anything that you couldn't have learned in a pleasant, civilized alternative way." p. 338
"When you have children, Holly, you never relax again. You are forced to care about the state of the world." p. 339
To me, this book seems to be saying "Go on a date, have a good time, connect with people. If you don't, you'll be unhappy, and there's no reason to be unhappy." But it also says (I think the main message of the book, in its plot) "Face unpleasant realities or else." So, I guess, make feeling good your primary goal in life, and suck it up in the short term in order to feel good in the long run?
The criticism I have of this book is the main one I have of Jane Austen books (is there any other chick lit as respectable as Jane Austen?) which is that there's so much more in this world to care about than marriage/"finding true love" (as in Jane Austen and this book) or the happiness of you (as in this book). In Jane Austen books, there's usually one character who's "the sensible one" and I always wish I could ask her "Why do you care about this world you live in? Maybe -- could you? -- care about something really important. Right now there are slaves on plantations in America, for instance. Or children losing fingers at English factories, for another example." (And Jane Austen herself had a social conscience in real life.) But that's it. That's all I can call her to, to be a hero to help end the suffering of other people. And I think that's a pretty potent criticism of "happyism", but happyism can shoot back, "Well, what would you do if there weren't any people to save? You'd have to value happiness then, right? So that's ultimate."
I think there is something you only learn through suffering, something which makes you beautiful as a person, a beauty you will find useful in heaven (or some utopia, if you prefer).
But I think for a lot of people, hearing a call to suffer sounds like a call to be devalued -- if you suffer, aren't you the object of pity, or the fodder for a joke, like someone with no legs "running the marathon by spinning herself along in a wheelchair"? It sounds like some kind of self-hate, rather than to see suffering as purifying, actually a form of self-love. So it's better for the Audience (Cosmo definitely has an Audience, it's being written *to* a certain kind of woman, and I feel that this book probably is the same way to some extent) to be affirmed and supported, rather than threatened with destruction (in a good but scary way). It's not the best, but it's the best most people can manage... or people can manage a lot better, but nobody expects it of them, no one shows them the way from where they are to where to go?
The book says "Unhappiness is the root of evil", and I think that's true of a lot of positive evil, that is, "sins of commission", but happiness -- that is, a sense of well-being -- is especially suited to causing negative evil, that is, "sins of omission". If Holly and all her family and friends are happy, then for Holly, there's nothing more to life. She's made it... or she feels unhappy even then? But no, she has romantic love and friendship. She's happy. And while she's happy, she leaves to the angels such concerns as "the death, poverty, cruelty, torture, and misery in the world". No, unhappiness can't be the root of *all* evil. Happiness has its share to play.
The proper response to the evil in the world is self-sacrifice, the outpouring of a person, self-giving, emptying yourself, draining yourself dry, finding the limit. You have to stop needing happiness, need to stop hoarding well-being, you have to be willing to die. This is the point of living in a world with suffering, to be made excellent inside, and the only adequate preparation for a life of beautiful happiness. Even in heaven, if you haven't learned to get over your addiction to a sense of well-being, you'll treat all the good of heaven as any addict treats an unlimited supply of a drug, mechanically, or animally (not the good kind of "animally" either), without gratitude.
Ah, but, perhaps Maxted sees this. She's providing her young, single reader a path to get to a concern for the world as a whole, and that is parenthood (as in the last quote I listed). Parenthood is famous for getting people to give more of themselves than they thought they could. But her Audience is not ready for anything too deep, yet can be led gradually toward something like maturity (at least of the level of Holly's parents). She can't pull on them too hard or they'll bail, or not even buy the book. Maybe some women (or men) discover maturity through some other path than dating followed by motherhood (or fatherhood), but for the majority of her intended audience, Maxted is providing the best path to excellence one could hope to see actually put into practice.
One aspect of woman's experience that I don't know firsthand is that of a woman's instrumental use of romantic relationships (Holly uses Stuart to get rid of Nick), nor do I understand firsthand an actual rape experience or the fear of rape. The light tone of the book and Holly's attempt to live in the light-toned world (if that makes sense) was powerful against the fact of her rape, and this seems to have been very much on purpose in a good way (which is to say, "artistic"), and is to Anna Maxted's credit.
Granted, I wouldn't necessarily always take Maxted's word that women are the way she portrays them. Of the women I do know, only one seems to "live in Maxted's world" or worldview, if that makes sense (although the reality of rape is a universal that they all acknowledge). But I think that mainly indicates my small social world. Maxted, a former Cosmopolitan editor, is writing to almost the same audience as Cosmopolitan, the same world, but perhaps to the more sensible and well-read inhabitants of it. Cosmopolitan is a fairly successful magazine, and isn't necessarily the only one like it, either. So a lot of women resonate with Maxted's book or something like it. If one of my friends seems to be somewhat of the same type, then that's a good sign that Maxted isn't just completely making things up. If I met a random woman, it might be helpful to predict that she might be like Maxted's characters, but most of the women I actually know would be badly predicted that way. (Probably best not to predict, eh?)
At this time of night, I don't feel like going into great detail about Maxted's worldview, not much of whatever I might suppose is specifically female, by the way, just these quotes:
"What could be more important than finding love?" p. 212
"I wasn't sure if this was true. And again, it sounded patronizing, along the lines of 'how marvelous!' As if Claudia had no legs and was running the marathon by spinning herself along in a wheelchair." p. 214
"You'd think with all the death, poverty, cruelty, torture, and misery in the world, angels would have more important tasks to fulfill than to inform Gloria where she'd dropped her storybook." p. 219
"Now, I'm convinced that your revenge on the people who wrong you is the certainty of their deep unhappiness, because I believe that is the root of evil." p. 335
"I don't believe suffering teaches you anything that you couldn't have learned in a pleasant, civilized alternative way." p. 338
"When you have children, Holly, you never relax again. You are forced to care about the state of the world." p. 339
To me, this book seems to be saying "Go on a date, have a good time, connect with people. If you don't, you'll be unhappy, and there's no reason to be unhappy." But it also says (I think the main message of the book, in its plot) "Face unpleasant realities or else." So, I guess, make feeling good your primary goal in life, and suck it up in the short term in order to feel good in the long run?
The criticism I have of this book is the main one I have of Jane Austen books (is there any other chick lit as respectable as Jane Austen?) which is that there's so much more in this world to care about than marriage/"finding true love" (as in Jane Austen and this book) or the happiness of you (as in this book). In Jane Austen books, there's usually one character who's "the sensible one" and I always wish I could ask her "Why do you care about this world you live in? Maybe -- could you? -- care about something really important. Right now there are slaves on plantations in America, for instance. Or children losing fingers at English factories, for another example." (And Jane Austen herself had a social conscience in real life.) But that's it. That's all I can call her to, to be a hero to help end the suffering of other people. And I think that's a pretty potent criticism of "happyism", but happyism can shoot back, "Well, what would you do if there weren't any people to save? You'd have to value happiness then, right? So that's ultimate."
I think there is something you only learn through suffering, something which makes you beautiful as a person, a beauty you will find useful in heaven (or some utopia, if you prefer).
But I think for a lot of people, hearing a call to suffer sounds like a call to be devalued -- if you suffer, aren't you the object of pity, or the fodder for a joke, like someone with no legs "running the marathon by spinning herself along in a wheelchair"? It sounds like some kind of self-hate, rather than to see suffering as purifying, actually a form of self-love. So it's better for the Audience (Cosmo definitely has an Audience, it's being written *to* a certain kind of woman, and I feel that this book probably is the same way to some extent) to be affirmed and supported, rather than threatened with destruction (in a good but scary way). It's not the best, but it's the best most people can manage... or people can manage a lot better, but nobody expects it of them, no one shows them the way from where they are to where to go?
The book says "Unhappiness is the root of evil", and I think that's true of a lot of positive evil, that is, "sins of commission", but happiness -- that is, a sense of well-being -- is especially suited to causing negative evil, that is, "sins of omission". If Holly and all her family and friends are happy, then for Holly, there's nothing more to life. She's made it... or she feels unhappy even then? But no, she has romantic love and friendship. She's happy. And while she's happy, she leaves to the angels such concerns as "the death, poverty, cruelty, torture, and misery in the world". No, unhappiness can't be the root of *all* evil. Happiness has its share to play.
The proper response to the evil in the world is self-sacrifice, the outpouring of a person, self-giving, emptying yourself, draining yourself dry, finding the limit. You have to stop needing happiness, need to stop hoarding well-being, you have to be willing to die. This is the point of living in a world with suffering, to be made excellent inside, and the only adequate preparation for a life of beautiful happiness. Even in heaven, if you haven't learned to get over your addiction to a sense of well-being, you'll treat all the good of heaven as any addict treats an unlimited supply of a drug, mechanically, or animally (not the good kind of "animally" either), without gratitude.
Ah, but, perhaps Maxted sees this. She's providing her young, single reader a path to get to a concern for the world as a whole, and that is parenthood (as in the last quote I listed). Parenthood is famous for getting people to give more of themselves than they thought they could. But her Audience is not ready for anything too deep, yet can be led gradually toward something like maturity (at least of the level of Holly's parents). She can't pull on them too hard or they'll bail, or not even buy the book. Maybe some women (or men) discover maturity through some other path than dating followed by motherhood (or fatherhood), but for the majority of her intended audience, Maxted is providing the best path to excellence one could hope to see actually put into practice.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 3, 2021
This book sat on my bookshelf for years, a leftover from a book sale that I saved to read as it seemed interesting. I finally got around to cracking the cover and almost put it directly down again. I couldn't decide if it was because the opening of the book was just that slow/uninteresting or that it hadn't aged well (published in 2003 and full of contemporary slang and references, now old enough to vote).
I struggled to identify with the protagonist. She was hard to empathize with. Poor life choices, propellent for many a story arc, are related at a Fawlty Towers pace then culminates in a scene that brings on PTSD for so many women. I literally shut the cover and walked away thinking that this...THIS...might be the book I finally put down and don't pick back up. I have a terrible habit of finishing what I start, even if I hate it. One Christmas I made angels folded from paperback books and chose cheap romance novels because you have to tear out pages and break the spines. It took forever because I had to read them first...NEVER AGAIN. For the record, this isn't that bad.
If you do make it past the first half, where the main character spends the majority of her time in her head reaching the wrong conclusions, making bad decisions, rinse and repeat, you do eventually get a happy ending. The second half is much better. I did cheat and read the last chapter though, so I could decide if it would be worth finishing. It ties up nicely as chick lit does. There is a happily ever after.
However, I can't help feeling sad about the house. Probably not a good sign if you start empathizing with houses.
I struggled to identify with the protagonist. She was hard to empathize with. Poor life choices, propellent for many a story arc, are related at a Fawlty Towers pace then culminates in a scene that brings on PTSD for so many women. I literally shut the cover and walked away thinking that this...THIS...might be the book I finally put down and don't pick back up. I have a terrible habit of finishing what I start, even if I hate it. One Christmas I made angels folded from paperback books and chose cheap romance novels because you have to tear out pages and break the spines. It took forever because I had to read them first...NEVER AGAIN. For the record, this isn't that bad.
If you do make it past the first half, where the main character spends the majority of her time in her head reaching the wrong conclusions, making bad decisions, rinse and repeat, you do eventually get a happy ending. The second half is much better. I did cheat and read the last chapter though, so I could decide if it would be worth finishing. It ties up nicely as chick lit does. There is a happily ever after.
However, I can't help feeling sad about the house. Probably not a good sign if you start empathizing with houses.
March 31, 2023
Holly is the owner of a dating service, Girl Meets Boy, for those who are "beautiful inside and out." Arranging date nights (matchmaking) for her clients is easier than dealing with her own relationship with man-child Nick Mortimer.
In one night, her life turns upside down, and Holly begins to doubt herself (and in her ability to read people to match them up). Holly is in denial, but can she figure out what actually happened? Can she get her life back on track and begin to trust herself again? Basically, will she learn to behave like an adult? Is a happily-ever-after possible for some of her matches, or will her company go under? Is it possible for a happily-ever-after for her?
With the help of family (her sisters Claudia and Issy) and friends (Nige, Rachel, Nick, and Camille), there may just be some positive outcomes...or not because adulting is difficult for them all.
A couple of quotes this reader found interesting:
"The criminal is responsible for the crime. That's why criminals are sent to prison, not their victims." (page 339)
"When you have children, you never relax again. You are forced to care about the state of the world. Your dearest wish as a parent is to protect your babies.You're terrified to let them go, because you cannot stand to experience pain, yet you know that a life without pain is impossible. Feeling pain is the price of loving, the price of living." (page 340)
The story is told from the perspective of Holly for the most part. There is humorous moments and some not-so-humorous moments.
In one night, her life turns upside down, and Holly begins to doubt herself (and in her ability to read people to match them up). Holly is in denial, but can she figure out what actually happened? Can she get her life back on track and begin to trust herself again? Basically, will she learn to behave like an adult? Is a happily-ever-after possible for some of her matches, or will her company go under? Is it possible for a happily-ever-after for her?
With the help of family (her sisters Claudia and Issy) and friends (Nige, Rachel, Nick, and Camille), there may just be some positive outcomes...or not because adulting is difficult for them all.
A couple of quotes this reader found interesting:
"The criminal is responsible for the crime. That's why criminals are sent to prison, not their victims." (page 339)
"When you have children, you never relax again. You are forced to care about the state of the world. Your dearest wish as a parent is to protect your babies.You're terrified to let them go, because you cannot stand to experience pain, yet you know that a life without pain is impossible. Feeling pain is the price of loving, the price of living." (page 340)
The story is told from the perspective of Holly for the most part. There is humorous moments and some not-so-humorous moments.
April 23, 2020
TRIGGER WARNING: RAPE/ SEXUAL ABUSE
I’m sorry, I have to DNF this book for my mental health.
Spoilers ahead.
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Within the first few chapters of this book, the main character, Holly (who runs a dating agency) is raped by the man she asked to a business party. Through a series of roundabout occurrences and alcohol intake, they wind up back at her place, where he begins aggressively kissing her and making it known that sex is at the forefront of his mind.
All of her protests are ignored and he proceeds to rape her in the middle of her kitchen floor.
Pretty startling to the beginning of what you may think is a cute romance, right?
As we continue, all we see Holly do is pair off completely inappropriate couples in her dating service, and wallow in the losses of her ex-fiancé. (With whom, SHE ended the relationship, and whom SHE asked to move out.) She constantly mopes and reminisces about the incredible times she had during her engagement and how, seemingly, it was only petty, trivial things that lead to her calling it off.
Briefly, the characters are incredibly unloveable. Hell, they’re not even like-able, or even tolerable. They’re boring, whiny, and exceptionally stupid. I found myself dreading my reading sessions with this book, and so I can’t take in another moment with Holly or her rapist, or her ex.
I’m sorry, I have to DNF this book for my mental health.
Spoilers ahead.
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Within the first few chapters of this book, the main character, Holly (who runs a dating agency) is raped by the man she asked to a business party. Through a series of roundabout occurrences and alcohol intake, they wind up back at her place, where he begins aggressively kissing her and making it known that sex is at the forefront of his mind.
All of her protests are ignored and he proceeds to rape her in the middle of her kitchen floor.
Pretty startling to the beginning of what you may think is a cute romance, right?
As we continue, all we see Holly do is pair off completely inappropriate couples in her dating service, and wallow in the losses of her ex-fiancé. (With whom, SHE ended the relationship, and whom SHE asked to move out.) She constantly mopes and reminisces about the incredible times she had during her engagement and how, seemingly, it was only petty, trivial things that lead to her calling it off.
Briefly, the characters are incredibly unloveable. Hell, they’re not even like-able, or even tolerable. They’re boring, whiny, and exceptionally stupid. I found myself dreading my reading sessions with this book, and so I can’t take in another moment with Holly or her rapist, or her ex.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 22, 2021
Holly runs a successful dating agency in London called Girl Meets Boy. She had just broken up with her fiance Nick and decided to go on a blind date with one of the newest applicants of Girl Meets Boy, Stuart. After a disastrous night of Stuart taking advantage of Holly, her world gets turned upside down. She has to learn how to survive her trauma, how to get over the constant fear that's now in her world, all the while slipping on-again, off-again with Nick.
I had a hard time getting into this book. I feel like it didn't really start to get good until the halfway point. I felt that the event Holly went through was trivialized at first and it wasn't until we started diving into the therapy sessions, crime investigation and potential law-suit did things get good, and then just like that, I felt the ending dragged on and ended up being fairly predicable. I feel when a book is dealing with such a heavy topic such as rape, it shouldn't be hidden under the pretense of a fluffy chick-lit. It just felt too glossed over to be taken seriously. Also the whole story-line about Nick's family life was such a waste of paper, there seemed to be absolutely no point except the author wanted to add some conflict with Nick's parents or something. I don't know, it was an alright read but that's all I can give as a rating.
I had a hard time getting into this book. I feel like it didn't really start to get good until the halfway point. I felt that the event Holly went through was trivialized at first and it wasn't until we started diving into the therapy sessions, crime investigation and potential law-suit did things get good, and then just like that, I felt the ending dragged on and ended up being fairly predicable. I feel when a book is dealing with such a heavy topic such as rape, it shouldn't be hidden under the pretense of a fluffy chick-lit. It just felt too glossed over to be taken seriously. Also the whole story-line about Nick's family life was such a waste of paper, there seemed to be absolutely no point except the author wanted to add some conflict with Nick's parents or something. I don't know, it was an alright read but that's all I can give as a rating.
November 26, 2024
I loved this book. I love Anna Maxted. I love that she makes me laugh on almost every page. Anna Maxted is always sharp, wry, snarky, and clever and that comes through well here.
As with a previous book by Maxted, this one was longish in the plot department, but I was happy about that because it meant more for me to read. Yes! That's how good the writing is.
Character-wise, Maxted takes time for her heroine to figure people out around here, from her boyfriend who has some childish qualities to him (is that good? Can a person live with that?) to one of her best friends, who has a bunch of annoying habits but in the end proves herself. Maybe Holly, the main character, could have asked herself why she'd judged people before, but I think she does through her growth. The story is great and it's wrapped around a very real and horrifying event (rape), and doesn't try to make excuses for Holly in that other people have had much more violent things happen to them. Holly gets that. And what I like here is that even though bad things happen to people, Holly figures out that everyone has to deal with them their own way, and everyone's experience is different.
So, loved this book, laughed all the way through, would read it again.
As with a previous book by Maxted, this one was longish in the plot department, but I was happy about that because it meant more for me to read. Yes! That's how good the writing is.
Character-wise, Maxted takes time for her heroine to figure people out around here, from her boyfriend who has some childish qualities to him (is that good? Can a person live with that?) to one of her best friends, who has a bunch of annoying habits but in the end proves herself. Maybe Holly, the main character, could have asked herself why she'd judged people before, but I think she does through her growth. The story is great and it's wrapped around a very real and horrifying event (rape), and doesn't try to make excuses for Holly in that other people have had much more violent things happen to them. Holly gets that. And what I like here is that even though bad things happen to people, Holly figures out that everyone has to deal with them their own way, and everyone's experience is different.
So, loved this book, laughed all the way through, would read it again.
June 12, 2019
It took me a bit of getting into, I was a bit put off by the sense of privilege of the characters, of course everyone in London has a nice house and disposable income. It improved as it went on, and the story line certainly surprised me.
I was worried at times that the main story line was going to be reduced in a over simplistic way, but it wasn't as bad as expected.
I really didn't like any of the characters, they all seemed completely self obsessed with an incredible sense of entitlement.
A slightly different, darker, example of chick lit.
I was worried at times that the main story line was going to be reduced in a over simplistic way, but it wasn't as bad as expected.
I really didn't like any of the characters, they all seemed completely self obsessed with an incredible sense of entitlement.
A slightly different, darker, example of chick lit.
February 11, 2023
Pretty disturbing early on, endeavoured to continue and it did improve after much effort. Some parts were informative about personal conditions; story development average but ending ( should I say less) not unexpected, just disappointing, for me.
Lucky to get the three - must reconsider how I'm rating books. Basically if it's readable end to end a three is awarded, if I can't get through a two - for effort? - is applied. Never rated a book '1'
You'll probably get more than I did unless, like me, 'chick lit' grinds on you a bit.
Lucky to get the three - must reconsider how I'm rating books. Basically if it's readable end to end a three is awarded, if I can't get through a two - for effort? - is applied. Never rated a book '1'
You'll probably get more than I did unless, like me, 'chick lit' grinds on you a bit.
September 25, 2022
I was afraid i woulnt like this one, if it was just another"romance gets rocky & then smooth sailng into the sunset. Happily it was NOT just one more quirky love story. Actually, it was full of quirky characters.that.were either adorably entertaining or the kind one loathes to be around! The standard amounts of self reflection, seld.doubt and misinterpretations were there but in a different way than I'd expected. So.it was a."good read" indeed!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 18, 2023
Couldn’t get past the 5th chapter. The writing was too spazzy and all over the place for me. She jumped between thoughts and memories so quickly it was impossible to keep track of the actual story, if there was one. Not only was the character not relatable, she was crazy. She didn’t even try to fight off the guy who was raping her, no sane woman would just lay there. Do not recommend this book at all.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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April 15, 2020A young, optimistic woman who runs a dating agency has her world torn apart by a man gone wrong. This novel explores the havoc that is wreaked on her relationships with family and friends, as well as the changes in her own personality. The book unfolded in a twisty way, making it unpredictable and a good read.
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