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243 pages, Hardcover
Published November 2, 2017
“With Kimi, though, there’s never been an ego, let alone an inflated one, and the celebrity lifestyle just wasn’t his way.”
“An awkward and uncomfortable style on stage, twinned with his blunt, monosyllabic quotes in front of a microphone should have been a PR nightmare, but it ironically turned into the thing most people loved about him.”
“Kimi kept himself to himself most of the time. If he wasn’t required in the garage, or the engineering truck, while we made changes to his car, you could almost guarantee he’d be asleep somewhere, either in his private room in the team ‘motorhome’, under a bench or on a tool cabinet, in the team kitchen, or the back seat of his hire car. It was always wise to check before removing a pile of coats off the worktop in the spares truck, just in case Kimi was curled up asleep underneath …”![]()
“Mark then had to hope that the story either wasn’t true, or, if it was, convince Ron that it was a journalistic mistake and that Kimi was fine and training hard, not in fact recovering from some mythical event such as a three-day bender involving public nakedness and damage to a well-known nightclub, as was once fairly accurately reported.”
“Then, casually, just a few seconds before I had to leave the grid ahead of the race start, he asked me how many laps the race lasted for.
‘Er, well, its fifty-six, but … Shouldn’t you know that by now?’ I replied, double-checking I wasn’t the victim of some elaborate prank.”
“Kimi, we’ve got a forty-second lead, I want you to back off now and bring the car home?’ said The Reverend on the radio.
Silence.
Another half a lap passed. ‘Kimi, this is serious now,’ warned The Reverend. ‘We really need you to back off and lower the engine mode on the steering whee—’
The comms suddenly exploded into life. ‘JUST STOP TALKING – I KNOW WHAT I’M FUCKING DOING!”![]()
“But one small incident sticks in my mind that perhaps sums up the financial bubble we existed in: at a test, not long after I joined the team, McLaren chartered a helicopter … in a desperate attempt to dry out a wet track. […] It was quite a spectacle, but the reality was that while it did shift an awful lot of water into the air, 90 per cent of it fell straight back down onto the track …”
“My lasting memory as I left for the airport to fly home was of Kimi cowering in a corner of the room, using his laptop as a pathetic shield, while eggs and slices of toast rained down upon his head.”
“If ever anyone left the race team after a significant length of service, either to retire or move on, it was our longstanding tradition to physically abuse that person after their last race. This would generally happen in a horrifically degrading manner, and often in front of the entire pitlane. Over the years I’ve seen people tied to the pit wall fence and covered with leftover food slops (which had been saved up during the week in preparation). People were doused in liquids that should never have been publicly seen outside of the human body. And I’ve watched, horrified, as one mechanic was set on fire before being hosed down with the enormous pitstop foam fire extinguisher.”
“There’s another story involving the same anonymous perpetrator, which took place well before my time, but it’s now part of F1 folklore. One of the lads was stripped naked, tied securely to a tyre trolley and paraded up and down the pitlane as all comers were invited to contribute something to his dousing. He was painted in all the usual mess, but then our friend decided to raise the shock levels by a considerable amount. He set the trolley down on the ground, his victim lying on his back unable to move and then proceeded to take a shit on the poor bloke’s chest. The parade continued until Michael Schumacher noticed what was going on, and, understandably disgusted, went to the circuit offices to complain about the ‘savage McLaren team’. It didn’t go down well internally and when Ron found out some serious reprimands were handed out.”

With Kimi, though, there’s never been an ego, let alone an inflated one, and the celebrity lifestyle just wasn’t his way.
There was a reflection of the season in the way we all partied that night. Fernando disappeared, never to be seen again. Lewis gathered together his own ever growing entourage in an exclusive private VIP area, none of us from the team were invited. Instead we dragged the night away with the new Formula 1 World Champion somewhere in Sao Paulo. I say somewhere because I really can't remember much about it. I do remember we ended up at Kimi's hotel, the sun rising, none of us able to stand or talk, but it was so nice to finally be able to share part of that incredible achievement with him. I couldn't help but feel that even though he was no longer driving for us, in our own inimitable chaotic McLaren way we'd made a substantial contribution to his world championship season and a tiny part of me had to have a laugh about that.
