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Black Tar: For the Love of Heroin
Black Tar: For The Love of Heroin is a biographical essay describing the use of heroin and the toll it takes on a junkie's daily life. Please understand one critical feature of this book. It is a biography, hand written by the junkie in question about his life and his alone. As such it is not a piece of literary perfection. It has not been polished to perfection by a team of editors, nor was it published by a major publishing company.
Black Tar: For The Love of Heroin was originally written on a legal pad as part of a twelve step program. It made its way to me, its ultimate editor, and I was amazed by the details Stephen was able to remember and capture on paper. Once I got to know him I asked him if he would work with me on his life story and he reluctantly agreed. Sensing his hesitancy I told him we would not use his name and focus on the day to day existence of a junkie as he experienced it living from fix to fix.
But Stephen could be a hard person to track down and his never ending thirst for the needle made his story a hard one to tell. I spent days upon weeks crawling the downtown streets looking for him and a lot of times when I did find him I would have to buy him heroin just to get him to work with me. So, I made a deal with him, like making a deal with the devil, that if he would help me drag his biography into existence, I would buy him enough heroin to get through each and every day we worked together.
One day's worth of heroin for one day's worth of storytelling. This made it easy for him to make himself available for the writing of his biography.
By the time I met Stephen he was almost fifty years old and in full blown heroin psychosis. How he managed to live as long as he had was always a miracle to me. Over the course of a year and several months I pulled every story Stephen could remember from his heroin-addled brain and preserved them on paper. But I never wanted this story to be an autobiography. I wanted it to be Stephen telling his story, in his words, no matter how it might look like in the end.
With these rules in place I gave him his first computer and at first he slaved over his 'hunt and peak' computer skills. But the more he wrote the more he remembered and slowly, after three long years of exchanging one day of heroin to entice him to work one day of writing, Stephen declared himself finished with the project. I read what he had written and quickly realized that active heroin junkies make terrible writers. What he had produced was basically unusable. To make a three-year writing stint something of literary value I set myself to editing what he had written. I didn't want to strip it of the style of writing that made it junkie. More than anything else I wanted to preserve his perspective, sense of pain, his defeat, his single-minded approach to heroin and to the fact he knew it was going to kill him. I think that fatalistic view of life is what hit me the hardest.
To make the book easy to digest I divided it into five segments and then spread his life between the points. And that is what we ended up with. The biography of a drug addict; barely touched by an editor's pen, and filled with the dirt, muck and blood that is a junkies life.
Black Tar: For The Love of Heroin was originally written on a legal pad as part of a twelve step program. It made its way to me, its ultimate editor, and I was amazed by the details Stephen was able to remember and capture on paper. Once I got to know him I asked him if he would work with me on his life story and he reluctantly agreed. Sensing his hesitancy I told him we would not use his name and focus on the day to day existence of a junkie as he experienced it living from fix to fix.
But Stephen could be a hard person to track down and his never ending thirst for the needle made his story a hard one to tell. I spent days upon weeks crawling the downtown streets looking for him and a lot of times when I did find him I would have to buy him heroin just to get him to work with me. So, I made a deal with him, like making a deal with the devil, that if he would help me drag his biography into existence, I would buy him enough heroin to get through each and every day we worked together.
One day's worth of heroin for one day's worth of storytelling. This made it easy for him to make himself available for the writing of his biography.
By the time I met Stephen he was almost fifty years old and in full blown heroin psychosis. How he managed to live as long as he had was always a miracle to me. Over the course of a year and several months I pulled every story Stephen could remember from his heroin-addled brain and preserved them on paper. But I never wanted this story to be an autobiography. I wanted it to be Stephen telling his story, in his words, no matter how it might look like in the end.
With these rules in place I gave him his first computer and at first he slaved over his 'hunt and peak' computer skills. But the more he wrote the more he remembered and slowly, after three long years of exchanging one day of heroin to entice him to work one day of writing, Stephen declared himself finished with the project. I read what he had written and quickly realized that active heroin junkies make terrible writers. What he had produced was basically unusable. To make a three-year writing stint something of literary value I set myself to editing what he had written. I didn't want to strip it of the style of writing that made it junkie. More than anything else I wanted to preserve his perspective, sense of pain, his defeat, his single-minded approach to heroin and to the fact he knew it was going to kill him. I think that fatalistic view of life is what hit me the hardest.
To make the book easy to digest I divided it into five segments and then spread his life between the points. And that is what we ended up with. The biography of a drug addict; barely touched by an editor's pen, and filled with the dirt, muck and blood that is a junkies life.
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First published September 27, 2012
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
June 21, 2024
Welcome to the dark depths of addiction.
The details were not held back and we got a very real glimpse into what life is like being addicted and a slave to heroin.
If you find yourself into memoirs about addiction and substance abuse, as I am then this one is a must read.
Many people are deducting stars based on spelling errors and stuff of this sort. If you read the description of the book here and on Amazon you will understand why the book reads this way.
"if we're stoned all the time, everyone will think we're straight even though your high. They'll think this because every time they see us, we'll be high and that will be their only point of reference.
The details were not held back and we got a very real glimpse into what life is like being addicted and a slave to heroin.
If you find yourself into memoirs about addiction and substance abuse, as I am then this one is a must read.
Many people are deducting stars based on spelling errors and stuff of this sort. If you read the description of the book here and on Amazon you will understand why the book reads this way.
"if we're stoned all the time, everyone will think we're straight even though your high. They'll think this because every time they see us, we'll be high and that will be their only point of reference.
January 21, 2015
A frank look at drug addiction.
Well, I must start off this review by admitting that before reading this book I had no idea about the world I was about to enter as I turned its pages. I suppose for many that may sound a naïve comment but it’s true, that’s not to say I don’t understand an addictive personality, I do, anyone can have an addiction to any number of things, but the world of drugs was new to me.
This very frank autobiography starts at the very beginning, as they say as we learn how he suffered a terrible fever with which he experienced hallucinations by day, and night terrors at night, aged twelve in 1972. His teenage years were, I suppose typical for many children at that time, and he experimented with drugs and alcohol, and embraced the rock and roll culture of that era. Soon however, his experimentation with increasing more potent drugs became a heroin addiction which was to influence his life for many years.
Throughout this book his world is eye-opener. His obsession with the girl with the golden eyes (Heroin) overtakes his existence, and despite managing to stop taking it at various times, his life seems to be one of continual struggle just to survive.
As we travel life’s journey with him, there are no holds barred, everything is laid out in front of us, the love, death, tragedies and despair, until we find ourselves wondering, how can one man survive so much?
But, survive he did, but is he clean?
The bravery of this author in opening up like he has, must be admired, I found this book extremely interesting, however, I can see that if you have a family member or friend in the same situation, this could well be invaluable as an aid to understanding them.
Well, I must start off this review by admitting that before reading this book I had no idea about the world I was about to enter as I turned its pages. I suppose for many that may sound a naïve comment but it’s true, that’s not to say I don’t understand an addictive personality, I do, anyone can have an addiction to any number of things, but the world of drugs was new to me.
This very frank autobiography starts at the very beginning, as they say as we learn how he suffered a terrible fever with which he experienced hallucinations by day, and night terrors at night, aged twelve in 1972. His teenage years were, I suppose typical for many children at that time, and he experimented with drugs and alcohol, and embraced the rock and roll culture of that era. Soon however, his experimentation with increasing more potent drugs became a heroin addiction which was to influence his life for many years.
Throughout this book his world is eye-opener. His obsession with the girl with the golden eyes (Heroin) overtakes his existence, and despite managing to stop taking it at various times, his life seems to be one of continual struggle just to survive.
As we travel life’s journey with him, there are no holds barred, everything is laid out in front of us, the love, death, tragedies and despair, until we find ourselves wondering, how can one man survive so much?
But, survive he did, but is he clean?
The bravery of this author in opening up like he has, must be admired, I found this book extremely interesting, however, I can see that if you have a family member or friend in the same situation, this could well be invaluable as an aid to understanding them.
July 4, 2016
Skip this one
Boring and repetitious with many misspelled words making it difficult to read. Written at about a fifth grade reading level.
Boring and repetitious with many misspelled words making it difficult to read. Written at about a fifth grade reading level.
October 8, 2022
Shocking- and not in a good way
The endless errors have already been mentioned in other reviews but what’s most appalling is a specific excerpt of blatant plagiarism. If you’ve read Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx, you’ll notice the author quotes lyrics by Sixx AM throughout the book. You may also notice that one of the paragraphs in this book is lifted almost verbatim from the Heroin Diaries- “Merry Christmas-that’s what normal people say at Christmas” The author then goes on to talk about how most people are with friends and family, not alone with a bottle of vodka and handful of pills which is a direct quote from Heroin Diaries except Nikki Sixx talks about having a needle in his arm which the author replaced with “booze and pills”. It doesn’t even fit in with the story, as he doesn’t mention Christmas again. It’s almost like he was reading the Heroin Diaries while writing this book, thought it would sound cool, and randomly threw it in this book. The awkward placement of it makes it even more obvious that these are not his words.
The author bounces back and forth between blaming others, wallowing in self pity, glamorizing his drug use, and trying way too hard to convince the reader (and himself) that he’s someone he wishes could be. It’s the false bravado you’d expect from a teenager, not a grown man. And there’s plenty of it so be prepared to physically cringe if you make it through this whole book.
Lastly, the dialogue- specifically between the author and “Susie”- made me laugh out loud several times. They’re sexual/romantic banter is especially absurd. The author seemed to see this as an opportunity to humble brag but it just comes off as sad and cringy.
This may be one of the worst addiction memoirs I’ve read and that’s saying a lot. It’s not even about the errors- it’s the lack of originality and the absolute audacity of this author to try passing off someone else’s work as his own
The endless errors have already been mentioned in other reviews but what’s most appalling is a specific excerpt of blatant plagiarism. If you’ve read Heroin Diaries by Nikki Sixx, you’ll notice the author quotes lyrics by Sixx AM throughout the book. You may also notice that one of the paragraphs in this book is lifted almost verbatim from the Heroin Diaries- “Merry Christmas-that’s what normal people say at Christmas” The author then goes on to talk about how most people are with friends and family, not alone with a bottle of vodka and handful of pills which is a direct quote from Heroin Diaries except Nikki Sixx talks about having a needle in his arm which the author replaced with “booze and pills”. It doesn’t even fit in with the story, as he doesn’t mention Christmas again. It’s almost like he was reading the Heroin Diaries while writing this book, thought it would sound cool, and randomly threw it in this book. The awkward placement of it makes it even more obvious that these are not his words.
The author bounces back and forth between blaming others, wallowing in self pity, glamorizing his drug use, and trying way too hard to convince the reader (and himself) that he’s someone he wishes could be. It’s the false bravado you’d expect from a teenager, not a grown man. And there’s plenty of it so be prepared to physically cringe if you make it through this whole book.
Lastly, the dialogue- specifically between the author and “Susie”- made me laugh out loud several times. They’re sexual/romantic banter is especially absurd. The author seemed to see this as an opportunity to humble brag but it just comes off as sad and cringy.
This may be one of the worst addiction memoirs I’ve read and that’s saying a lot. It’s not even about the errors- it’s the lack of originality and the absolute audacity of this author to try passing off someone else’s work as his own
May 12, 2019
Very good-very sad book. I feel like a lot of people could identify with how he felt, what he did, and why. The fact that he is still alive after everything he's been through is a miracle, and obviously means he's still here for a good reason. Maybe his books will help to save a few lives. I hope he finds true happiness in his life. He deserves it. After the Hell he has been through, I believe Karma owes him a few good credits.
Very Good-very sad book. I feel like a lot of people could identify with how he felt, what he did, and why. The fact that he is still alive after everything he's been through is a miracle, and obviously means he's still here for a good reason. Maybe his books will help to save a few lives. I hope he finds true happiness in his life. He deserves it. After the Hell he has been through, I believe Karma owes him a couple of good credits. I really liked the way he explained how he interpreted Karma.
Very Good-very sad book. I feel like a lot of people could identify with how he felt, what he did, and why. The fact that he is still alive after everything he's been through is a miracle, and obviously means he's still here for a good reason. Maybe his books will help to save a few lives. I hope he finds true happiness in his life. He deserves it. After the Hell he has been through, I believe Karma owes him a couple of good credits. I really liked the way he explained how he interpreted Karma.
February 27, 2020
explicit and riveting
i think this book gives great insight into the mind and actions of a heroin addict. it offers perspective as to the grip this drug has over ones entire being. i think this is a good read for families dealing with heroin addiction. the author was honest and deliberate. i would have given this book 5 stars however i am an English teacher and found the editing to be horrible. Although i wasn't looking for grammatical errors, the spelling errors were very distracting for me since they were everywhere. I wish the editor had actually done his/her job. The author deserved better.
i think this book gives great insight into the mind and actions of a heroin addict. it offers perspective as to the grip this drug has over ones entire being. i think this is a good read for families dealing with heroin addiction. the author was honest and deliberate. i would have given this book 5 stars however i am an English teacher and found the editing to be horrible. Although i wasn't looking for grammatical errors, the spelling errors were very distracting for me since they were everywhere. I wish the editor had actually done his/her job. The author deserved better.
March 26, 2019
Great read
This is a great book after the first 20% or so you can’t stop reading what I will call an almost a cautionary tale but also noted that for any former addict as we all do he shows a great example of how this drug will grab your soul and suck you dry that no matter how many times you try to grab hold of your addiction and control it or slow it down it never works, staying clean is the only way to show control over junk. My heart aches for this man as we all know this happens so often and it’s heartbreaking!
This is a great book after the first 20% or so you can’t stop reading what I will call an almost a cautionary tale but also noted that for any former addict as we all do he shows a great example of how this drug will grab your soul and suck you dry that no matter how many times you try to grab hold of your addiction and control it or slow it down it never works, staying clean is the only way to show control over junk. My heart aches for this man as we all know this happens so often and it’s heartbreaking!
August 26, 2017
I really had a hard time reading this, and not because of the gut-wrenching tragedies, but the insufferable grammar and spelling mistakes. The repeated sentences within the same page, the superfluous details, things like, "the bowls of hell" and all the overused analogies made me cringe. That aside, it was indeed a harrowing story, one I couldn't put down, and something to be proud of surviving for sure.
August 18, 2018
Ok book
Not what I expected i had thought that this would be a more real experience . You see i am the product of a heroin addicted father so I know what it's really like the author seems to have hurt only himself while a true heroin addict hurts lies cheats steals and destroys every one and every thing in they're way
Not what I expected i had thought that this would be a more real experience . You see i am the product of a heroin addicted father so I know what it's really like the author seems to have hurt only himself while a true heroin addict hurts lies cheats steals and destroys every one and every thing in they're way
May 18, 2019
How to be a heroin addict 101
Though the story was almost incredible, if you want to learn how to buy, prepare, which veins are the best, how to cook it up, how to keep your addiction hidden. The details were fascinating. I can go out and become a junkie with the information in this book. The story line is secondary.
Though the story was almost incredible, if you want to learn how to buy, prepare, which veins are the best, how to cook it up, how to keep your addiction hidden. The details were fascinating. I can go out and become a junkie with the information in this book. The story line is secondary.
January 13, 2018
I liked this book!
I really liked the book. It was written graphically where I could really understand. I was not impressed with the amount of errors in it. Every time I would find one it took my mind off the story. Someone should edit this book!
I really liked the book. It was written graphically where I could really understand. I was not impressed with the amount of errors in it. Every time I would find one it took my mind off the story. Someone should edit this book!
October 22, 2018
Awesome
This was a great read. The way you explained your relationships were so detailed. Your style of writing made a clear picture in my mind to make me feel U was there. Thank You for sharing your life story, I know it will be around for generations to enjoy as I did.
This was a great read. The way you explained your relationships were so detailed. Your style of writing made a clear picture in my mind to make me feel U was there. Thank You for sharing your life story, I know it will be around for generations to enjoy as I did.
April 14, 2019
Good read, but needs to be proofread
The only complaint I have is the lack of editing of this book. It seems as though nobody read it over before publishing it. I feel it has so much potential if some editing was done.
The only complaint I have is the lack of editing of this book. It seems as though nobody read it over before publishing it. I feel it has so much potential if some editing was done.
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September 20, 2019How powerful addiction can be.
The relationships that were made instantly and career successes brought hope back for Steve.
The power of love is truly tested and defined in this read.
The relationships that were made instantly and career successes brought hope back for Steve.
The power of love is truly tested and defined in this read.
June 11, 2020
Quick read because you want to keep reading..
This book holds the readers attention. Let's you see the life struggles people go through dealing with addiction etc highly recommend this book.
This book holds the readers attention. Let's you see the life struggles people go through dealing with addiction etc highly recommend this book.
November 13, 2021
Real
This book was very real about everything i really wished that Suzie would have given him a chance. I was really surprised that he lived to be a old person but i was glad that he did. Well I'm off to read another book, hope it's as good or better than this one.
This book was very real about everything i really wished that Suzie would have given him a chance. I was really surprised that he lived to be a old person but i was glad that he did. Well I'm off to read another book, hope it's as good or better than this one.
February 2, 2022
Recommended
Very easy read. It was an interesting story. I learned a lot about his addiction. I'm not that versed in drug addiction as I have never done drugs, but I like learning and educating myself
Very easy read. It was an interesting story. I learned a lot about his addiction. I'm not that versed in drug addiction as I have never done drugs, but I like learning and educating myself
March 21, 2022
Eye Opener
Very
good but sad book. I have been so lucky in my 62 yrs. that I never had any drug addictions so I can't say "I know how you feel". Thanks for the good read and God Bless You!
Very
good but sad book. I have been so lucky in my 62 yrs. that I never had any drug addictions so I can't say "I know how you feel". Thanks for the good read and God Bless You!
July 3, 2017
This book is REAL and thrilling
The author is honest and raw! I wish the ending would have been more detailed . He left the readers on the edge of their seat!
The author is honest and raw! I wish the ending would have been more detailed . He left the readers on the edge of their seat!
December 29, 2017
Very good and entertaining. Well written - really eye opening.
June 12, 2018
Wow!
This book is so amazing! It is also very sad. This is a must read for anybody! It's an emotional roller coaster!!
This book is so amazing! It is also very sad. This is a must read for anybody! It's an emotional roller coaster!!
September 10, 2018
Honest and harrowing and a moving story
The ability to share experiences so brutally honest and to reach out to others in this book is a true gift.
The ability to share experiences so brutally honest and to reach out to others in this book is a true gift.
December 19, 2019
Ok
A tragic tale of how the monkey becomes a monster. Sad, sad,sad sad, sad. I have a lot in.My stomach.
A tragic tale of how the monkey becomes a monster. Sad, sad,sad sad, sad. I have a lot in.My stomach.
March 9, 2020
Good read
Would recommend to read..fast reading and was written from the heart..really enjoyed reading it. Author keep your attention. Good read.
Would recommend to read..fast reading and was written from the heart..really enjoyed reading it. Author keep your attention. Good read.
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April 20, 2020Good read
February 10, 2017
A frank look at drug addiction.
Well, I must start off this review by admitting that before reading this book I had no idea about the world I was about to enter as I turned its pages. I suppose for many that may sound a naïve comment but it’s true, that’s not to say I don’t understand an addictive personality, I do, anyone can have an addiction to any number of things, but the world of drugs was new to me.
This very frank autobiography starts at the very beginning, as they say as we learn how he suffered a terrible fever with which he experienced hallucinations by day, and night terrors at night, aged twelve in 1972. His teenage years were, I suppose typical for many children at that time, and he experimented with drugs and alcohol, and embraced the rock and roll culture of that era. Soon however, his experimentation with increasing more potent drugs became a heroin addiction which was to influence his life for many years.
Throughout this book his world is eye-opener. His obsession with the girl with the golden eyes (Heroin) overtakes his existence, and despite managing to stop taking it at various times, his life seems to be one of continual struggle just to survive.
As we travel life’s journey with him, there are no holds barred, everything is laid out in front of us, the love, death, tragedies and despair, until we find ourselves wondering, how can one man survive so much?
But, survive he did, but is he clean?
The bravery of this author in opening up like he has, must be admired, I found this book extremely interesting, however, I can see that if you have a family member or friend in the same situation, this could well be invaluable as an aid to understanding them.
Well, I must start off this review by admitting that before reading this book I had no idea about the world I was about to enter as I turned its pages. I suppose for many that may sound a naïve comment but it’s true, that’s not to say I don’t understand an addictive personality, I do, anyone can have an addiction to any number of things, but the world of drugs was new to me.
This very frank autobiography starts at the very beginning, as they say as we learn how he suffered a terrible fever with which he experienced hallucinations by day, and night terrors at night, aged twelve in 1972. His teenage years were, I suppose typical for many children at that time, and he experimented with drugs and alcohol, and embraced the rock and roll culture of that era. Soon however, his experimentation with increasing more potent drugs became a heroin addiction which was to influence his life for many years.
Throughout this book his world is eye-opener. His obsession with the girl with the golden eyes (Heroin) overtakes his existence, and despite managing to stop taking it at various times, his life seems to be one of continual struggle just to survive.
As we travel life’s journey with him, there are no holds barred, everything is laid out in front of us, the love, death, tragedies and despair, until we find ourselves wondering, how can one man survive so much?
But, survive he did, but is he clean?
The bravery of this author in opening up like he has, must be admired, I found this book extremely interesting, however, I can see that if you have a family member or friend in the same situation, this could well be invaluable as an aid to understanding them.
July 10, 2016
descent into heroin addiction. recovery. re-addiction. recovery again. back to the "golden eye" again. author's memory is way too detailed to be true. so, no doubt, a lot of this book was embellished. still. true or not; despite its repetitive nature, its a good description of heroin addiction.
April 30, 2017
This is a great book about addiction
This book is about a,man addicted to heroin. It describes his, life,and how he battled the addiction. This book was very good
This book is about a,man addicted to heroin. It describes his, life,and how he battled the addiction. This book was very good
May 2, 2017
A sad take chock full of errors
Unfortunately, this book is chock full of errors, but if you can get past that you will find yourself reading a very true and naked story about addiction. And believe me - he leaves nothing out.
Mr. Crockett takes us from his life as a teenager using alcohol and marijuana, and escalating that use until he's injecting heroin. Soon, it takes over his life.
But he does find love along the way. Unfortunately, this, too, caused his use to escalate at times.
I was not expecting the book to end the way it did. We all expect a sappy happy ending in books such as these but the author keeps it real and tells it as it is and gives the reader his true thoughts and emotions. At first I thought it was just a pity party but after thinking about it, I realized that he was just keeping it real. He's not asking us for anything. He's just telling us the truth. And if the truth sounds like a pity party, well then, so be it...but it's his life and his party to have.
I can't say I enjoyed the book because it wasn't written for us to enjoy. But I learned a lot. I just wish he would have defined some of the terms he used. I'm not an IV drug user, so I didn't understand some of the terms, like the place he kept looking for that kept moving in the book. He had a term for it I can't recall right now, but what was that?
Unfortunately, this book is chock full of errors, but if you can get past that you will find yourself reading a very true and naked story about addiction. And believe me - he leaves nothing out.
Mr. Crockett takes us from his life as a teenager using alcohol and marijuana, and escalating that use until he's injecting heroin. Soon, it takes over his life.
But he does find love along the way. Unfortunately, this, too, caused his use to escalate at times.
I was not expecting the book to end the way it did. We all expect a sappy happy ending in books such as these but the author keeps it real and tells it as it is and gives the reader his true thoughts and emotions. At first I thought it was just a pity party but after thinking about it, I realized that he was just keeping it real. He's not asking us for anything. He's just telling us the truth. And if the truth sounds like a pity party, well then, so be it...but it's his life and his party to have.
I can't say I enjoyed the book because it wasn't written for us to enjoy. But I learned a lot. I just wish he would have defined some of the terms he used. I'm not an IV drug user, so I didn't understand some of the terms, like the place he kept looking for that kept moving in the book. He had a term for it I can't recall right now, but what was that?
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June 7, 2018Definitely interesting and worth a read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews