What Every Autistic Girl Wishes Her Parents Knew

by Emily Paige Ballou (Editor)

“What Every Autistic Girl Wishes Her Parents Knew” is the book that many of us wish our parents would have had access to when we were growing up. In this first anthology book release from the Autism Women’s Network, the autistic contributors write with honesty and generosity about the emotional needs, sensitivity, and vibrancy of autistic girls.

Containing thoughtful and practical encouragement and support for parents, and compiled from the acquired wisdom and experience of autistic individuals, parents will find this collection of essays an invaluable resource for supporting their autistic daughters in developing strength, trust and confidence in themselves, and in the world.

Genres: Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Nonfiction, Psychology, Disability, Parenting

218 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 10, 2017

Reviews

[Patience Virtue · Rating 5 out of 5]

This *is* the book I wish my parents had had when I was younger. This is the book I wish every parent would read, those who are our parents, our friends parents, our relatives and teachers and neighbours. This is the book I hope every autistic girl can get her hands on so they know they are not alone, they are not wrong, and we love them and have their backs.

This is a book I will be returning to again and again for affirmation and encouragement and love and support.

Autistic is beautiful.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Therapies that value compliance and normalcy or sameness amongst peers are not respectful of your [client’s] dignity, individuality, and autonomy” (Lei Wiley-Mydske, “Change the World, Not Your Child,” p. 57).

“Understand what acceptance really means. It does not mean no supports or accommodations. It does not mean no help or therapies. Acceptance means you accept your [client’s] Autistic neurology as valid. When we value Autistic and disabled lives, we understand that love and acceptance are critical. This idea is not controversial [in regards to] allistic children. When it comes to Autistic lives, however, we get frightening messages that who we are is broken and that we need to be fixed. Do not get caught up in those messages of fear.” (Lei Wiley-Mydske, “Change the World, Not Your Child”)

“Autism has a coherence. It’s certainly a different way of experiencing the world, but the problem and the disorder happens because non-autistic people aren’t listening to actual autistics.”
- Karen Lean, “A Different Way of Being” (p. 69)

"...if you deny your [client’s] desires and pain around her sensory world she may learn that her body and boundaries are not worth respecting. As a child I learned that my body and my boundaries were wrong. I learned that my discomfort couldn’t possibly be real because my discomfort was uncommon. … I learned to put up with extreme bodily discomfort. Relent to pain often enough and it doesn’t become less painful, it becomes a lesson that the pain doesn’t matter. … I strongly connect disrespecting my sensory boundaries with a vulnerability to unwanted sexual contact. … Sexual safety means nothing if we ignore our most basic needs for sensory safety.”
- Karen Lean, “A Different Way of Being” (p. 71-73)

“I may not be capable of toughening up, …. I will not develop an immunity to sensory or emotional pain simply by prolonged exposure, even if that exposure is called therapy.”
- Bridget Allen, "Acknowledge Vulnerability, Presume Competence" (p. 29)

“I need to have the power to say no. … Autonomy is dignity. ... make sure I know my rights.”
- Bridget Allen, "Acknowledge Vulnerability, Presume Competence" (p. 31-32)

"...presumption of competence is not a completed act. It is an exercise, a constant work in progress. In order to practice this principle, you need to keep your heart open to being wrong.”
- Bridget Allen, "Acknowledge Vulnerability, Presume Competence" (p. 32)

“... a hundred degrees on the wall from top universities may make you an expert in a field of a disorder, but they will never make you an expert on being autistic.”
- Anonymous, “Tell Me I’m Autistic” (p. 171)

“Compliance therapies that do not care why a child is not complying are teaching your child that she does not own her own body and that she is not allowed to make her own decisions. What makes behavioral momentum particularly insidious is that it models the way young boys attempt to encourage young girls to engage in sexual activity before they are ready. … You are training her to say yes again and again, no matter where the boy moves his hand and no matter how she really feels about his hand being there.”
- Maxfield Sparrow, "Keep Her Safe; Let Her Fly Free" (p. 87-88)

"One of the best things about tapping into the resources that Autistic adults provide is that, unlike the experts, they don’t insist there is one way to learn and progress.”
- Beth Ryan, "Afterword" (p. 191)

"unless our voices count, the bad events that happened to me will happen again.” It’s important to remember that when the neurodiversity community challenges our authority or expertise as therapists, it is not meant to hurt our profession but rather to help us to serve our clients more effectively and ethically."
Amy Sequenzia, "I am an Autistic Woman" (p. 163)

“I wish I could have grown up in an environment where I wasn’t constantly treated like I was broken,” she writes. “I felt like I wasn’t OK unless I learned to act like everyone else. I realized later on that my mom sent me to therapists partly thinking that they would instruct me in doing whatever my mom said.”
- Katie Leven, "What I Wish You Knew" (p. 52)

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book for parents and teachers, as well as autistic girls and women. Autism is different in girls, though many people's ideas about autistic children are based on how it appears in boys. Girls are underdiagnosed, their needs often unmet at home and at school, rewarded for compliant behavior, and taught to squelch their natural interests and methods of communication.This book, written mostly by autistic women, provides guidance for parents on what their daughters need: love, acceptance, support, and the freedom to become their best neurodivergent selves.

[Lucas · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books on autism I’ve ever read.

[Nic · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insightful

[are we there yet · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this is just a "how to be great parents" guide, and it seems to be targeted at middle-class parents who can afford to have their kids diagnosed to begin with and have the energy and time to advocate for them. It's definitely written with the assumption that the audience is fairly open-minded and progressive.

Some good insights, but there are alao eyebrow-raising ones. I guess my expectation is for members of a marginalized community to be especially thoughtful, considerate, and inclusive of other marginalized communities.

Still an OK book, but not one I'd give to a sibling whose daughter looks obviously autistic to me but remains undiagnosed.

[Shelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly, I cried. All parents and teachers should be given this book when they have a child or student diagnosed with autism. It really lays down the basic respect that autistic people are denied, and why it's important to love and support your child as they are. There are no fixes, but you can cause damage even with good intentions if you don't support them. Please just read it.

[Christian]

This book hit me right in the heart.

[Diane Green · Rating 2 out of 5]

Both my granddaughter's are on the spectrum so I thought this would be a good insight into helping and understanding them more. It only gave me slightly more information than I already had although I did recognise a fell similarities to my own childhood.

[Vanessa · Rating 4 out of 5]

The perspective of women on the spectrum when it comes to understanding autism is very important. Great to read if you, your child, or someone you know is on the spectrum.

[trijnewijn · Rating 4 out of 5]

De moeite om te lezen, en vast niet enkel voor ouders van kinderen op het spectrum. Al vond ik het niet zozeer enkel van toepassing op autistische meisjes, het aantal keren dat ik de uitdagingen van de zoon er in herkende zijn niet op één hand te tellen.