My Demon's Name is Ed

by Danah Khalil

Danah's eating disorder has a personality – it's a demon she calls Ed, the voice in her head that undermines her self-esteem and her perception of the world. How can she explain that even when she tries to develop healthier eating habits, there is a demon wriggling inside her mind, determining her every step? The eighteen-year-old author of this novel for teens brings her own journal entries to life, revealing the mental anguish of a teen suffering with anorexia and the terrifying grip the disorder holds on her.

Genres: Realistic Fiction, Nonfiction, Mental Illness

136 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 4, 2016

Reviews

[Jude · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received an early copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for my review.

I didn't realize until the end that the author of this book was the character of this book, though I often questioned it when some of the entries spiraled off into self-hating and questioning rants. As someone who has herself "overcome" (as much as you truly can, anyways) eating disorders, I related heavily to those out of control portions. The constant manic attitude toward other people attempting to discuss her issues and the regular feeling of uncontrollable need to do -something- felt true.

Sadly though, it was those parts that only felt true enough. The rest of this story, set in the journalistic style, was somewhat loose and frustrating. I didn't feel that I really got to know Danah. A lot of character style and development comes from those interactions of other characters, and so does story. There felt to be such little story because we never named any of her friends or her sister. Of course this story is about Danah and her recovery, but to me, without the identity and fleshing out of anyone else, it felt hollow.

I assume that Danah did not wish to name anyone in her story because of potential embarrassment, but she missed a chance to turn the story into something a little deeper and more realistic. Yes, a disorder is all-consuming, but more details on her day to day relationships would have made me a little more interested in her as a character.

I wasn't entirely enthralled or thrilled by the writing; indeed the first half had me wondering how much more there was to read. To me, the story succeeded the most when the writer just went all out stream of conscious for her attacks and obsessions, because it felt the least contrived.

All in all, this was still a very raw and honest message, and I don't regret reading it.

[Melinda Howard · Rating 2 out of 5]

*This book was received via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review*

This was a good book but it wasn't amazing as it seemed too repetitive. I do admire the author's courage, however, in making her innermost thoughts subject to scrutiny by the general public. I also admire the courage that she needed to overcome and deal with her disorder. Overall, this was a pretty good book from an inspirational author; the one message that can be taken from this book is to love yourself no matter your shape or size. Everyone is different and we should embrace that rather than swallowing the unrealistic expectations society and the media puts on young girls in regards to body image and diet.

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is honestly such a beautiful, inspiring, and heartbreaking story. I think it’s so important to see it from the perspective of Danah because it helps you fully understand what her thought processes are and what Ed is saying. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[LA Ayers · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's very accurate in the thought process of someone with an eating disorder, but I really felt bad for the people in her life.

[Cynthia (Bingeing On Books) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received this ARC from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.

I was very interested in this book because I have a personal interest with eating disorders. I have struggled with disordered eating throughout my entire life. I have overexercised and underate and I have binged. I could relate so well to Danah's struggles and her feelings. It's hard to develop a normal relationship with food when it's everywhere and when some people criticize from all angles. Dana got criticized from her mother when she ate too much and she got criticized when she ate too little. I've been there, so I get it. This book follows the development of her anorexia, as well as her recovery after she decides to check herself into a treatment center. I know it seems to weird to criticize the author for focusing so much on the eating disorder, but that was part of the problem with this book. Dana very rarely talked about other people in her life, except when she was talking about how much they supervised what she ate. She rarely talked about friends and she rarely talked about why she felt such a need to starve herself. Eating disorders typically go far beyond just wanting to be thin. There are usually reasons why a person feels the need to starve themselves and I don't feel like Danah delved into those too much. I was in therapy for a while and we would talk about my bingeing a lot. But we would also talk about my feelings when I wanted to binge and what was going on in my life that day, etc. Danah talked a little about her therapy, but her therapy consisted mainly of food diaries and weigh-ins. I can certainly understand why that would be the primary concern at first since Danah was dangerously underweight. I just don't feel like the therapy ever moved beyond that to something deeper. And because Danah talked about food and nothing but food, I don't feel like I ever really got to know her. This was a book that definitely triggered me in terms of my own issues with eating and I thought it was very realistic. I just don't think it offered anything new in terms of dealing with an eating disorder.

[Jonathan · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Couldn't find any personal information about Danah Khalil). The theme of this book is about how a girl can defeat a demon that's trying to take control of her mind. The story is about a 14 year old girl named Danah that is fighting against a demon named Ed that is inside 0f her head. Ed is trying to take control of her mind and life. He tells her that she is too fat, and that she has to eat less each time and exercise more. All of this caused Danah to suffer an eating disorder. Danah was scared to tell anybody about Ed, so she decided to keep as a secret. Before Ed came to her life, Danah's weight was about 130 pounds, but after 2 months her weight was about 95 pounds. All of this made her mom look for help, so she decided to take her to a hospital and contract a psychologist. After some time, Danah finally decided to defeat Ed and take control of her own life again.

My favorite part of the story is when Danah's mom decided to look for help. This was my favorite part because now Danah had more help mentally and emotionally and this gave her more opportunities to defeat Ed and have her normal life again. My least favorite part of the story is when Danah was defeating Ed, but then he gain more power and made her feel disappointed of herself and give up for some time.

My favorite character of the story is Danah. Danah is my favorite character because she showed me how a simple girl can act like if she's totally fine, but inside of her she is fighting against a demon that's trying to control her, and she finally defeats him. I can relate to Danah's mom because I know how a mom suffers seeing her daughter suffer. I know that majority of moms love their kids and that they will do anything in order to help them.

Honestly I didn't like this book too much, but it showed me how people can act normally, and inside of them they have a lot of things going that nobody would imagine, and this made relate to it somehow. I would recommend this book to people that likes "ups and downs" in a story, because in this particular story, Danah's life is a whole roller coaster against Ed.

[Jessica Meats · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to enjoy this book. I have a personal interest in eating disorders and so I was drawn to the idea of a story based on the diary entries of a recovering anorexic.

My problem with the book was that every single word focused on the eating disorder and the symptoms. That might see a strange thing to criticise given that the book was about having an eating disorder, but it felt like I didn't get to know Danah as a person. I didn't get to see anything of her friends (who are mentioned maybe half a dozen times in the entire book and never by name) or the rest of her life. It would have been more powerful to see the impact of the eating disorder on her life if we saw more of her life.

The book also felt very repetitive. There were shifts in the symptoms over the years the narrative covers, but a lot of the arguments with "Ed" the eating disorder felt very much the same.

The ending was a disappointment. The book seemed to stop without any real conclusion. Danah had been recovering and trying to be healthy through the book but the second to last entry is still symptomatic and then it jumps by about a year and the last entry is essentially, "Things are better now."

It felt like the author decided the book was long enough and just stop. There was no sense of an ending to the story and no real feeling of recovery.

I could see this book being useful to someone going through recovery to see that they're not alone, but this wouldn't be the first book I'd recommend.

[PinkAmy loves books, cats and naps · Rating 1 out of 5]

I received ARC copy of MY DEMON IS ED from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.

First off, congratulations on eighteen-year-old writer Danah Khalil for writing this novel about her experiences with an eating disorder, who she refers to as her demon, Ed. I hope the experience was healing, helpful and empowering and that she continues growing in her life and writing.

I wish I could say I enjoyed reading MY DEMON IS ED or that it felt like an authentic diary from a teenager struggling. The entries felt more like someone was trying to write a story in diary form rather than an actual journal written day by day. The writing felt artificial and removed most of the time. The focus falls more on symptomology focusing more on body and weight than more substantive interpersonal issues and problems beneath the surface.

I don't want this review to be a list of grievances about why I wouldn't recommend the book, so I'll summarize by saying: a lot of eating disorder novels and memoirs are on the market and I don't think this adds anything different, new or fresh to the conversation.

[Jenn Lopez · Rating 1 out of 5]

There are so many eating disorder books for teens, this is not one I would choose as a recommendations. Although the young author does a good job of describing her fight against her "demon" through a series of journal entries, it lacks character development and her relationships to any other person in her life. I took away from this book that she saw her eating disorder as an evil entity that took over as the main voice in her head whenever she was in a difficult situation or even lo0ked at food. It was constantly shouting. I didn't want to finish the book. Disappointed.

[Lucy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked My Demon’s Name Is Ed. It was impactful and eye-opening.

The book tells the story of Danah, an early teen who develops anorexia and shows the raw truth of her Eating Disorder through her journal entries written over multiple years. It’s an honest, and harsh reality of what any ED can do to a person and their relationships, which may be a hard read for people currently dealing with an ED or recovering.

Danah doesn’t sugarcoat or glamorize how she feels, or how the voice in her head that she named Ed, forces her to think. She describes the voice as a demon, controlling her, and telling her what to do, which I think is a perfect way to represent an ED, especially to readers who have not dealt with anything similar/related.

I don’t know if I can really say My Demon’s Name Is Ed, is a “story”, as I don’t think there is a clear beginning, middle, and end, but I still enjoyed it. I would have loved to read more about Danah as a person, not just about her ED and her experience, even if the main focus of the book is obviously about her relationship with anorexia and recovery.

My Demon’s Name Is Ed is definitely not for everyone, and I wouldn’t recommend it due to its triggering and upsetting content, but I don’t regret reading it, and I’m sure there are many people this book could help.

[Patricia Tilton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Danah Khalil has written compelling novel based on her own struggle with an eating disorder, anorexia nervosa. She is 14 years old when her dieting begins. It takes guts to share something so profoundly emotional and deeply personal. I applaud Danah for bravely sharing her realistic story. Her suffering is visceral. Her voice is completely authentic and told through diary entries. The solitude and misery she plummets into is dark and seductive. She calls the demon who lives in her head, “Ed.” And, with every journal entry, Ed’s voice  (written in italics,) is there to coax, command and control her every thought and action.

Danah’s story is a hopeful story for families with a child who has an anorexia, or for anyone who is close to someone with an eating disorder. Although Danah recovers, she acknowledges that it will be with her forever and she will need to stay vigilant. My Demon’s Name is Ed  is an excellent book that will alert parents, siblings, friends, and teachers to the earliest symptoms of eating disorders and seek help.

[Tiffany · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was looking for a new YA book to read and randomly chose this from the library shelves. I should start off by saying that I commend the author for giving us a raw, honest glimpse of what it is like to have an eating disorder. There were times in which I was surprised that her style was so sophisticated with her being so young.

However, I felt that this was a bit repetitious and lacked character development. I would have loved to learn more about the sessions with her therapist and the reasons behind her eating disorder.

[Jamie Olson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm disappointed in this book. I was expecting a story, but this is more of the ramblings of a young teenager in the midst of her eating disorder. I understand Khalil wrote this from the journals she kept as she was going through her own eating disorder, but to turn the rambling into a story I wish she had added real characters and a more developed plot.

I do plan on having this in my classroom library, though. I believe any teenager suffering with an eating disorder will see herself in the narration and may gain insight through this book.

[MissBecka Gee · Rating 1 out of 5]

Even though I was reading journal entries, the entire thing had a very impersonal and disconnected feel to it. A persons private thoughts I had hoped would feel more emotional. It ended up feeling contrived instead. I think this would have drawn me in more had she used her journal entries to compose a novel and sprinkled just a few of the actual entries throughout the book as chapter introductions to set the timeline.

[Diana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow. I've read books about anorexia before, but this was so unique and powerful that it stopped me in my tracks. I couldn't put it down! The fact that this was based on the author's actual diaries during her struggle with anorexia made it even more inspiring. Recommended for anyone dealing with eating disorders or who knows someone who is.

[Jillian · Rating 2 out of 5]

the first few pages of this book were amazingly written and i had high hopes for this book. as another review stated, this book was probably very therapeutic for the author, but unfortunately i didn't feel connected to her - even though we went through almost identical experiences as teenagers.

[Trent Willis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well the book I read wasn't the best but for what it's worth it had a great meaning about it. I feel like this book has thought me not let little things distracted you from the bigger picture and always find a way through anything no matter how hard it gets.

[Megan Rang · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book gives you a look at what goes on in the mind of someone suffering with an eating disorder. It was repetitive but that is how the disorder works. I could see this as a good book for someone who is in the same battle with themselves.

[Alina · Rating 2 out of 5]

I know this is based off of the authors experience, but it still felt one-dimensional. The book itself feels like an actual 14 year old went and published their diary - extra star for it being based of the author but still nothing much to add. very hard to finish, as i was bored.

[Patricia Kaniasty · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very creative in the way it is written. Interesting perspective.

[Enby · Rating 5 out of 5]

haunting, vulnerable, uncomfortable

[Whitney · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was ok...but I really had to push through it. Plus the ending....just kind of ended.

[Carly · Rating 5 out of 5]

though i thought it would be different it was an amazing book. i love how the author mentions getting her journals published which is what the book is. also the overall positive attude she has by the end.

very well written and very powerful to all who read it.

[McKenna · Rating 3 out of 5]

**This ebook was provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review**

In the writing style of Letting Ana Go, Danah Khalil's memoir communicates her experiences of living with mental illness through journal entries. Raw and honest, they express feelings and thoughts many others feel and think but do not say.

Unfortunately, I think some of the rawness of the journal entries - as the memoir is just that - hurts the story some. Publishing a book made up of journal entries is a wonderful idea in theory, but realistically, due to the differences generally found between journal-writing and other writing, it can be hindering. I think it limits the story-telling experience, and the rawness of the more puerile language, as well as the immense internalization, of general journal-writing hinders the reading experience as a published book. Most if not all of the secondary characters are unnamed - which is understandable to a degree because of the sensitive nature of the content - which creates a disconnection between the reader and everyone else but Danah. This is Danah's story, so it's only right that she be the star of her own book, but I think a memoir discussing things of this magnitude should try to include more than the very internal, personal struggle.

The timeline of Danah's struggles also nagged at me. Only fourteen days after the first entry -when Danah begins mentioning her disordered eating habits - there is talk of "recovery". It confuses me not only because an eating disorder is generally not diagnosed after such a short period of time of using behaviors, but also because of dates Danah uses in the future - i.e. describing her eating habits as having become disordered long before the first entry. With the latter in mind, the intensity of Danah's seeking help early on in the book makes more sense.

The cliche language and formatting set-up of the demonic ED voice tended to irk me. The latter I can overlook because the way I see it is that, if you need to view your mental illness as a separate entity or demon in order to recover, that's totally valid. Everyone has different needs and ways they need to view their struggles in order to get well. However, the former of cliche language really bugged me for a while.

As the story progressed and Danah's struggles continued over the course of a few years, the thoughts and language became less cliche to me as - to me - it felt like the initial 'ana goddess' and completely weight-focused vibe had faded, and Danah began to truly realize the complexity and pain of the disorder as it stretches on and on. Her entries begin to read more as a very relateable chronicle of how tiresome having the disorder is the longer it goes on.

It's fortunate that Danah was able to get early intervention through the help of parents and medical professionals - but this autobiographical account also goes to show that early intervention does not always mean a rapid recovery. It really varies individual to individual, and the immense struggle may persist for years to come before a person may be able to recover.

That all being said, I commend Danah for being so open with her struggles and publishing something so personal for the sake of reaching out to others and hoping there will be readers who won't feel so alone, and who may be motivated to seek help themselves. There is some profound thought in some of her entries. And despite aspects of the book I found less favorable, as mentioned above, her kind-hearted intention to help others suffering from the same illness is very admirable.

[Brooklyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Danah's eating disorder has a personality – it's a demon she calls Ed, the voice in her head that undermines her self-esteem and her perception of the world. How can she explain that even when she tries to develop healthier eating habits, there is a demon wriggling inside her mind, determining her every step? The eighteen-year-old author of this novel for teens brings her own journal entries to life, revealing the mental anguish of a teen suffering with anorexia and the terrifying grip the disorder holds on her."

I didn't like the cover. It made the book look like one of those nonfiction books about eating disorders, or a self-help book. Since the book is fiction, I think the author could have chosen a better cover. Or at least one that looks better. I'm assuming that the girl on the front is Danah and the red eye in the back represents her demon/eating disorder/Ed. Overall, I would say that the cover wasn't very attractive and wouldn't catch my eye.

The most compelling aspect of the book was probably the parts where I was feeling overwhelming emotion and then I would remember--this was someone's life. This girl had to go through all of this. This isn't a made up story, this was a nightmare that Danah had to live through for years. It was interesting also to see how she continued to struggle with the voice in her head even after she had supposedly recovered from her eating disorder. Despite being physically healthy, she still felt very weak mentally and that made things difficult for her for years.

I was disappointed with the book was because the beginning was difficult to read. It was written in a very childish tone. I feel bad for judging this, since it really was written by a child in the beginning. I just had a hard time feeling bad for this girl at certain times when she sounded like every other melodramatic teen. I also thought that there just wasn't enough depth to the story and the development of other characters. We barely know anyone else in the story (and if I remember correctly, we never even learn some of her friends' names or her sister's name.) Understandably, the story is written in diary format. I highly doubt that when she was actually writing her diaries, she meant for them to be published. Depth of characters and setting up of scenery probably was the last thing on her mind. However, it made it a struggle to read at times. The book felt repetitive and I had to force myself to pick it up at time. The ending was also very abrupt. I don't know if she just stopped writing in her diaries or if she knew the story was becoming repetitive or none of the above. I just disliked the way that she was still having problems with her disorder and then skipped forward a year and seemed to magically be all better.

Either way, to get a book published and to have the courage to publish a book that's written about your own life (and that also gets incredibly up close and personal) is a real accomplishment. Congratulations to Danah Khalil for both.

[Christina · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF'd at 20%

I was highly disappointed in this book, given how excited I was to start delving into a delicate subject matter such as eating disorders. When done well, these topic books can educate, enlighten and make those who are suffering feel less alone. However, this book was not done well.

I felt as though it was more like a personal diary by the author and whilst I imagine it to have been very therapeutic to get her thoughts and feelings on paper, it just didn't make a good enough story for the rest of us to spend our time reading, I'm afraid. I really genuinely hope the author gets the help, or has already received the help she needs, but this book just wasn't for me.

[Joyce · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received an ARC copy via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
My Demon's Name is Ed is a story - rather, with a diary-like format - about Danah's, the author, struggles with her eating disorder, of how she dealt with it, of how it utterly consumed her, and how much change it brought to the people around her.
First, I'd like to congratulate the author for her recovery and I want to express my deepest admiration for thinking about creating this book. Anorexia's no joke. And although it's such a rare case here in my country, I could still see how greatly it affects the younger generation of today's society. And as a teenager, it sounds really terrifying but at the same time, it's intriguing. It's a darker version of those happy, cheerful models and girls we see on printed ads, on television, and on the billboards.
This isn't the first YA novel I've read that tackles anorexia. So that's probably why I've been expecting more. I've read Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson and I assume there would be similarities. And there were! Both books contained so much thoughts about the main character and although it might sound really creepy coming from me, but there's some sort of art in there. The way the writing in this book was so lyrical and fluid, it almost seemed like some sort of prose. Maybe it kinda is.
I didn't love or like this, unfortunately. Although there were snippets and bits of conversations about Danah's friends and her family included, I wasn't satisfied. I wanted to know how she is being perceived by the people around her. Is it obvious that she's suffering from anorexia? Is she that skinny? Something like that. But no. This book was more focused on her inner thoughts, her constant battles with the demon she calls Ed. But it wouldn't hurt to see how open she was to the world.
But the writing was good. But I'd have to say it's this weird, jumbled mess of word soup. But the descriptions were great, strange, but vivid. Strike-outs, repetitions and such. Although it does get quite annoying, eventually since it leads to more confusion by the end of the day.
The emotions were there. This book did succeed in giving me the right kind of vibe. Something about it feels so poignant, so raw, and really quite heavy, ya know? Those kind of feels that gives you shivers up in your spine. Woah.

But still, in the end, would I recommend this? Probably not. Since it doesn't differ from all anorexia-dealing books out there. But it's worth a shot.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book isn't a master work of literature, but it does a decent job at explaining the mind of someone who is anorexic. I think it also can translate to other forms of obsessive/compulsive behavior. Here's what I think the author did well or got right based on my personal experience with a different eating disorder:
*The obsession in both mind and body with an eating disorder. There's no moderation in anything. Everything you do will be to excess.
*The distorted thinking and feelings. You can't help but believe the lies in your head because they FEEL true. You also believe the lies you tell yourself so you can keep doing the crazy obsessive things your disorder wants you to do.
*An inability to correctly determine physical things like when you're hungry or full, tired or sore.
*The way it effects every part of your life.
*The way it effects and is effected by family, friends, etc.
*The way that it feels like an eating disorder is this thing outside you that is being imposed on you (thus naming it or calling it a demon).
*That a person with an eating disorder will not ever be completely "fixed" or "done" with their problem. They have to find a way to live with the problem while still having it - usually for the rest of their life.

Where the book faltered:
*It's not as engaging as I'd hoped. People with eating disorders will be able to relate. People without them probably will get tired of reading diary entries that spiral from high to low and back again. Also the language is more formal than you'd realistically expect to see in a teen's diary. As a literary choice this seems distancing for the reader.
*Despite following fairly regular diary entries, the last entry comes after a gap of a year and the end of the book feels somewhat abrupt. Thankfully the ending isn't "hey I'm all better now" which would ring completely false. Instead, we don't really see the main character going through the process of getting better to the point where she could have written that last diary entry. That's the part of the story I think that needs to be focused on - the story of how people begin to recover, although you still need the details of how bad it got to fully understand the big picture.

The book is worth reading if you are struggling with food (or have been accused of doing so). It's also a good way for a friend or family member to better understand the thinking of a person with an eating disorder.

[Grace]

I finished this book quickly, and I have absolutely no idea how to rate it.
Believe me, it was poignant and hard to read. Full of screaming and swearing to the point of it boggling my brain. It wasn't a story of characters (there are like three), nor a story of a plot, not much of anything. A story of emotions, and a journey through the author's life. If I am honest, I do not believe parts of this book were her actual feelings when she was young. It reads too much like it was intended for someone else to read, not for venting your inner thoughts. And not only that but the demon in the story is flat out annoying. Not even evil, just like a backward mirror, pushing her to do the opposite of the moral thing. Whether or not she upped his role for drama, it felt very exaggerated. The whole story felt over the top dramatic.
It might be apparent I didn't like it very much, and it would be easy to simply give one or two stars and move on. But I'll remember this book. In all its odd and frustrating glory.

[Kristen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received this ebook for free from netgalley.com in exchange for an honest review.

I really had mixed feelings about this book. The first thing that drew me in was the title, then the description, and I had high hopes for the book but it was not to be. Now I am not an expert on eating disorders nor will I ever claim to be, but this book seemed awfully cut and dry for a book about an eating disorder. I don't mean I don't think the author went through something powerfully crippling, but it really just seemed simple. Not simple in the way that it was untruthful but simple in the way that the whole situation was handled and how easily things seemed to get back on track. Usually books of this nature the author/narrator struggles a great deal more to put weight on, keep weight on, and is guarded a little more heavily by friends and family to prevent the workouts that the narrator was talking about doing. Having never had an eating disorder myself I enjoy reading books like this to see the struggle that other people have gone through in there lives and to hopefully see them come out on top.