Healing from Infidelity: The Divorce Busting® Guide to Rebuilding Your Marriage After an Affair

by Michele Weiner-Davis

Little compares to the devastation people feel upon discovering their spouse has been unfaithful. Shocked, devastated and overwhelmed, couples often hit stalemates as they struggle to get past intense emotional pain, mistrust, resentment and never-ending arguments about the betrayal. From the bestselling author of DIVORCE BUSTING and THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE, renowned therapist, and TEDx speaker, Michele Weiner-Davis, comes a powerful blueprint for helping couples rebuild trust and mend their marriages following the crisis of discovery of an affair through forgiveness and beyond. Based on over three decades of experience helping couples recover from betrayal and save their marriages, Weiner-Davis offers a step-by-step program to help · Deal with traumatic feelings after the discovery · Respond to questions about the affair · Talk about intense emotions without arguing · End the affair · Offer apologies that are sincere and healing · Overcome flashbacks and painful memories · Rebuild trust and accountability · Make their marriage stronger than before the affair · Find forgiveness · Reconnect sexually This book is filled with case vignettes of couples whose lives were shattered by betrayal but have eventually recovered and thrived. With the publication of HEALING FROM INFIDELITY, the practical advice available to her clients will be made accessible to millions more who desperately want to move through the pain of infidelity and restore their love. ADVANCE PRAISE for HEALING FROM "Rebuilding a marriage after an affair is one of life's biggest hurts and challenges. Weiner-Davis' no-nonsense advice is clear, insightful, and can save your marriage." Daniel G. Amen, MD Founder, Amen Clinics, Co-author of The Brain Warrior's Way "In a paradoxical sense, Healing from Infidelity, another brilliant book by Michele Weiner-Davis, is a call for fidelity to marriage regardless of commitment challenges. Filled with wisdom from years of clinical experience, case histories that document the healing process and practical guidance for all the stages on the journey to recovery, this book will be useful to every couple who has experienced an affair and therapists who want to help them." Harville Hendrix, Ph. D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph. D, co-authors of Making Marriage Simple “I know of no better person to guide you through the toughest relationship issues than Michele Weiner-Davis. Her skill, knowledge, and proven track record put her in the rare class of the most successful therapists in the world.” Pat Love, Ph.D Author of Hot Monogamy "This book can be used as a standalone for couples, as well as an adjunct to therapy. Its even-handed orientation will appeal to both the unfaithful partner and the injured spouse. It is book of “how to;” not a book about “why.”... There is a path to success, and as a tireless advocate of marriage, Michele Weiner-Davis provides a roadmap to recovery in Healing from Infidelity." Jeff Zeig, PhD. Founder and Director of the Milton H. Erickson Foundation "In Healing from Infidelity, esteemed therapist Michele Weiner-Davis takes couples through the arduous task of recovery from betrayal of trust. ....A wiser and more experienced voice for restoring faith in relationship would be hard for afflicted couples to find." Steven Stosny, Ph.D., author of Soar How to Use the Most Profound Part of the Brian under Any Kind of Stress

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Love, Nonfiction, Marriage

218 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 30, 2017

About the author

Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW is an internationally renowned relationship expert, best-selling author, marriage therapist, and professional speaker who specializes in helping people change their lives and improve important relationships. Among the first in her field to courageously speak out about the pitfalls of unnecessary divorce, Michele has been active in spearheading the now popular movement urging couples to make their marriages work and keep their families together. She is the author of seven books including her best-selling books, DIVORCE BUSTING: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again (Simon & Schuster), and THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE: A Couple's Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido (Simon & Schuster).

- excerpted from her website

Reviews

[Tami Kokko · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book, very helpful

We cannot afford therapy but this book showed that we are coping very well. After 30 years of marriage, we lost each other and infidelity happened. It manly showed me I was not a lone, wrong, or unjustified in any of my feelings. It gave us better tools to make our marriage stronger. Couples without strong lines of communication, commitment, and understanding of each other I think will find it incomplete without her online course. Couples with a stronger marriage, good communication and commitment, should be able to use it as a stand alone guide, as we did.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wouldn't hesitate to recommend this book to couples in the initial crisis phase of the discovery/admission of infidelity. It provides concrete, tangible advice for both partners.

[Ryan B · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book offers great advice on how to heal a marriage including focusing on intimacy, empathy, patience, etc. I think, though, that a lot of the advice for the betrayed spouse feel very much like victim blaming. As the unfaithful partner I was expecting more focus on methods for me to do the necessary work but it seems like the book’s focus is more on work that the betrayed spouse needs to do. While it’s important that the betrayed spouse does work to repair the relationship from their side, I think that realistically and respectfully should only occur on their time, and only after the unfaithful spouse has done the work of rebuilding trust, ending their unfaithful acts, and building an internal practice of mindfulness, patience and empathy.

[Daniel & Karri Botts · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you. Blessings for my marriage.

This helped me through what I thoight was going to end my marriage and family. We are still working on it but this book really made it easier.

[Jody Cunningham · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful for recovery

Perfect guide to help save your marriage after an affair. Great advice for the spouse who cheated and the one who didn’t. Read and re-read!!!

[Telishia Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent!!!

Great book directed towards both spouses involved in the healing process after infidelity. Easy read that’s comprehensive and full of hope for saving marriages.

[james fulton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent

Concise practical and to the point
At a time when emotions are running high it is a crystal clear handbook for those facing this most difficult time in a marriage

[Kerri]

This was a horrible book for the spouse who was betrayed. The advice is not good for the battered spouse. Choose another option.

[Jose Tanner · Rating 5 out of 5]

𝖡𝖾𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗒𝖺𝗅 𝖽𝗈𝖾𝗌𝗇’𝗍 𝖺𝗅𝗐𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝗇𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝗂𝗍𝗌𝖾𝗅𝖿. 𝖲𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝗂𝗍 𝗁𝗂𝖽𝖾𝗌 𝗂𝗇 𝗌𝗆𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝖽𝖾𝗍𝖺𝗂𝗅𝗌, 𝖺 𝗌𝗆𝗂𝗅𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖽𝗈𝖾𝗌𝗇’𝗍 𝗊𝗎𝗂𝗍𝖾 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖼𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖾𝗒𝖾𝗌, 𝖺 𝗀𝗋𝗈𝗐𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗁𝖺𝖻𝗂𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗅𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝗇𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗌 𝗈𝗎𝗍, 𝖺𝗇 𝖾𝗑𝗉𝖾𝗇𝗌𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖽𝗈𝖾𝗌𝗇’𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖺 𝖼𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗋 𝖾𝗑𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇. 𝖨 𝗇𝗈𝗍𝗂𝖼𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗌𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 𝗂𝗇 𝗆𝗒 𝗋𝖾𝗅𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝖺𝗍 𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗌𝗍, 𝖨 𝖻𝗋𝗎𝗌𝗁𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗆 𝖺𝗌𝗂𝖽𝖾.
𝖠𝗌 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾 𝗐𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗈𝗇, 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝖺𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗇𝗌 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝖺𝗆𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗈 𝗂𝗀𝗇𝗈𝗋𝖾. 𝖨 𝖽𝗂𝖽𝗇’𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗆𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝖺𝖼𝖼𝗎𝗌𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗈𝖿, 𝗒𝖾𝗍 𝗅𝗂𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝖽𝗈𝗎𝖻𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗌𝗅𝗈𝗐𝗅𝗒 𝖽𝗋𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝖾. 𝖤𝗏𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒, 𝖨 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗓𝖾𝖽 𝖨 𝗏𝖺𝗅𝗎𝖾𝖽 𝖼𝗅𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗒 𝗆𝗈𝗋𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗇 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗍.
𝖨 𝖼𝗁𝗈𝗌𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝗅𝗈𝗈𝗄 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗋𝗎𝗍𝗁 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗁𝖾𝗅𝗉 𝗈𝖿 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗐𝗁𝗈 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗋𝗈𝖺𝖼𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗂𝗍𝗎𝖺𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝖽𝗂𝗌𝖼𝗋𝖾𝖾𝗍𝗅𝗒 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝖻𝗃𝖾𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗏𝖾𝗅𝗒. 𝖨𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌𝗇’𝗍 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝖼𝖺𝗍𝖼𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗇𝗒𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖺𝖼𝗍; 𝗂𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗉𝖾𝖺𝖼𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝗂𝗇𝖽.
𝖶𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖨 𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗉𝖺𝗂𝗇𝖿𝗎𝗅, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗂𝗍 𝖺𝗅𝗌𝗈 𝗀𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗆𝖾 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖨 𝗁𝖺𝖽𝗇’𝗍 𝖿𝖾𝗅𝗍 𝗂𝗇 𝖺 𝗅𝗈𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾 𝖼𝖾𝗋𝗍𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗍𝗒. 𝖨 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗉 𝗊𝗎𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝗒 𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗃𝗎𝖽𝗀𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝗆𝖺𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖽𝖾𝖼𝗂𝗌𝗂𝗈𝗇𝗌 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗆𝗒 𝖿𝗎𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖾. 𝖨𝖿 𝗒𝗈𝗎’𝗋𝖾 𝖼𝖺𝗋𝗋𝗒𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺 𝗊𝗎𝗂𝖾𝗍 𝗌𝖾𝗇𝗌𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗎𝗇𝖾𝖺𝗌𝖾, 𝖽𝗈𝗇’𝗍 𝗂𝗀𝗇𝗈𝗋𝖾 𝗂𝗍. 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝗌𝗐𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝗆𝖺𝗒 𝖻𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝖺𝖼𝖾, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗒’𝗋𝖾 𝗈𝖿𝗍𝖾𝗇 𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗍𝗁 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐𝗂𝗇𝗀.
seek for help and support

Ｇｍａｉｌ ： ｔｅｃｈｇｕｙ７０７０＠ｇｍａｉｌ．ｃｏｍ
ＷｈａｔｓＡｐｐ ： ＋１ （２４０） ７９２‑９１８３
Ｔｅｌｅｇｒａｍ：  ＠ａｒｅａｓｐｙ

[Todd Cheng]

In discussing the possible painful topic of infidelity with a friend, I found the author's approach in this book to be nuanced and thoughtful. The subject of infidelity encompasses a multitude of perspectives that are challenging to navigate, yet the author handles it with a depth of understanding and empathy.

The book offers a comprehensive exploration of the emotional, psychological, and relational facets of infidelity, presenting a view that acknowledges the complexities involved. The author doesn't shy away from the difficult conversations and diverse viewpoints, making this work a insightful read for anyone grappling with or curious about the intricacies of betrayal and fidelity.

[Petros S · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is particularly strong in its early chapters, which validate the trauma of discovery and normalize the wide range of reactions betrayed partners experience. Unlike some infidelity books, it leans toward reconciliation — Weiner-Davis is known for her solution-focused approach — so readers who are leaning toward leaving may find it less balanced than Spring's work. That said, its practical exercises and clear roadmap for rebuilding are genuinely useful. It's especially well-suited for betrayed partners who want to save the marriage but feel overwhelmed and don't know where to start. Accessible, warm, and actionable.

[Thomas Bilous · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would absolutely recommend this to anyone who is in the situation of trying to rebuild. I hope that it is not too late for your relationship, and I am sure you’ll find this book to be helpful.

[Roni · Rating 5 out of 5]

so good

Healing is so so hard. But this is almost like a guide regardless of how you’re healing from infidelity. Really liked it

[Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

A practical guide for working through infidelity in a marriage (really any kind of betrayal). Good read for couples therapists and married couples.

[Katie LaBean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super solid for couples going through infidelity and couples struggling in-general

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful resource! I will be using this with my clients in the future.