Dealing with Disappointment: How to know joy when life doesn't feel great

by John Hindley

Life is disappointing. And disappointment can so easily come to dominate our life—the nagging thought in the back of our minds and the constant 'but' colouring all our pleasures. In this realistic, hope-filled book, John Hindley shows how to deal with disappointment — what disappointment is, what it does, and how to learn to live with the disappointments while also knowing joy. If your life isn't perfect… you need this book!

Genres: Christian, Mental Health, Christian Living

147 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 16, 2017

About the author

I really enjoy writing. I discovered this when I was working on Serving without Sinking, the first book I wrote. I am delighted to be a follower of Jesus, a husband and a father. I find my work as pastor of Broadgrace, a church in Norfolk a blessing (www.broadgrace.org.uk). To also have the opportunity to spend time writing feels like the icing on the cake.

The books I have written come out of struggles and tensions I have found as I have read the Bible, served in churches and followed Jesus. When I have observed others with similar fears, concerns, hopes and dreams it has encouraged me to pray, think and then write. I hope the books that result will bless the church.

Reviews

[Em Swaine · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The Lord sees. He cares. He is delighted. And he is never disappointed by someone who uses the gifts he has chosen to give them to love him and love others. Neither need you be."
A really encouraging book that reminded me to lift my eyes to the goodness promised in eternity, that disappointment on this earth is normal and ok but it will not last.
Challenged to be more vulnerable with others, don't just say "I'm fine" or "Good thanks" - there's a time and place to expand but it's ok and good to allow others to see what's really going on for you and how you're feeling.

[Ryan Pickwick · Rating 4 out of 5]

RTC..

[Arthur Kaliisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Human existence is characterized by toil and persistent striving (p. 10). While creation declares the glory of God, as noted in Psalms 19, it simultaneously reflects the consequences of the fall (p. 15). This duality underlies the human condition. The text describes Jesus expressing frustration at the persistent refusal of individuals to accept his love and protection (p. 18). In light of this, Hindley asserts that living a Christ-like life requires acknowledging disappointments in both personal experience and the experiences of others (p. 19). Furthermore, attempts to manipulate or control reality to eliminate disappointment—such as through carefully curated virtual profiles—are ultimately futile (p. 21).

Hinley defines a god as anything people depend on for joy, meaning, success, or identity (p. 26). He says that these sources, or idols, cannot truly sustain life and will ultimately lead to disappointment (p. 26). Disappointment occurs when people expect too much from good things (p. 27), resulting in a stronger sense of disappointment than the situation warrants (p. 27). Hinley adds that putting your life into marriage, career, family, or possessions cannot provide a lasting foundation (p. 28).

A primary identity as a child of God is established through Christ's work on the cross (p. 28). Consequently, life is defined by Jesus rather than by disappointment (p. 29). When pursuits or objects become idols, hope diminishes and despair ensues (p. 31). Lingering disappointment subsequently leads to bitterness and misery (p. 31). To prevent this outcome, it is necessary to focus on loving God (p. 33). Maintaining this focus requires understanding God's goodness, greatness, generosity, and glory, and making a deliberate effort to magnify the Lord (p. 33).

The author argues that perspective is central to interpreting disappointment (p. 33). In this context, viewing Jesus Christ as a multifaceted figure—husband, friend, Lord, king, and God—enables individuals to contextualize their disappointments. Although such disappointments are genuine and may be deeply experienced, they are not definitive and do not control emotional responses (p. 33). Rather than questioning the value of success, the author suggests expressing gratitude to God for existing blessings (p. 33). The text further proposes that gratitude should be directed toward God's character and actions, rather than solely toward present circumstances (p. 33). Hindley asserts that focusing on Christ fosters thankfulness, and this thankfulness, in turn, serves to honor Christ (pp. 33–34).

We are to “fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil” (p. 37). This awareness of God's judgment means that how we live – how we speak, think, and act – truly matters (p. 38). Furthermore, obeying Christ becomes such an attractive way to live (p. 39). The only work that will endure, then, is the work we have done in the lives of those around us (p. 54). In light of this, he reminds us that the purpose of our job is not to achieve great things but to display the love of God to the world. Therefore, by working hard every day in our roles, we can love our customers well (p. 71).

Seeing material wealth as a source of security, status, or happiness, rather than considering God's judgment, reveals a narrow perspective. Christ's warning that his judgment will expose the weakness of false idols leads people to turn back to God (p. 83). Turning back to God means being ready to accept Christ. This means letting go of things that disappoint and turning to God, who brings real happiness (p. 85). Christians believe that true success is not about owning things, but about being able to love deeply. Success is loving others as you are loved and finding joy in following Christ (p. 86).

[Mark Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me a little bit to get into the thought process but the author has broken this into workable and thought provoking areas of life. We will be disappointed. How do we handle this? The author rightly puts it into the context of our true home, the inheritance stored up for us that can never perish, spoil or fade. Scripture is used and there were times I queried his interpretation; not that he was wrong but I didn’t think he went deep enough and at times didn’t lay the solid foundation to launch from. This book is helpful and I was pleased where he landed in the second last chapter. There are practical helps along the way. Another aspect is that I thought he could have opened up with a few more of God’s promises as we wrestle with disappointment but he certainly whet the appetite to delve deeper into dealing with this fact of life.

[Peter Yock · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent reading. Highly recommended.

We are naturally disappointed. We don’t like it. But the fact is, our disappointment isn’t the problem. We should be MORE disappointed than we actually are most of the time. Our disappointment reveals that things are not the way they are meant to be - WE are not the way we are meant to be, and our lives will always fall short of our desires and hopes. That is life in a broken world, marred by sin.

Our disappointment can help drive us toward a good, Christ-centred hope - a real hope that Christ will redeem is into an eternity that is the polar opposite of disappointing. And that hope and joy helps us to live well now, amidst the disappointments, knowing that this world will always disappoint, and the best is yet to come.

[Frank Peters · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was unexpected. I couldn’t remember purchasing it but was suddenly directed to read it. This was especially exciting for me as the book started with the same verses and ideas that were going through my head while preparing for teaching. This certainly got my attention, and the remainder of the book was equally as engaging. It appears that the book is almost self-published due the quantity of minor errors (too many really). But I think the content of the book is outstanding. I hope it goes viral.

[Michael Willis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Refreshingly honest and blunt, this book pulls no punches as Hindley helps the reader to come to terms with disappointment - be it disappointment with oneself, with others, with success even, or with God. He firmly but graciously directs us to God's promises in Jesus Christ and in his self-giving love towards us. A great book for anyone struggling with feelings of disillusion, resentment and bitterness, or sadness about the current state of anything.

[Melanie Mead · Rating 5 out of 5]

This a fantastic book and I can't recommend it highly enough. I read it years ago but decided to pick it up again recently as I'm in a valley season in my life right now. Such a breath of fresh air to acknowledge that we actually should be disappointed with this broken world and our sinful selves and others around us. But God! . . . the hope and perspective he gives makes all the difference. This book is full of honesty and real hope for real people.

[Tara Brabazon · Rating 1 out of 5]

It seems appropriate that a book on disappointment is disappointing. I confirm that if the reader is a Christian, then this may be alright. But much of the book is detailing the transformations of life when (?) "Christ comes back."

The importance of Judgment Day is less relevant for Atheists. We know this is not going to end well. There is no happy ending.

[Phil Butcher · Rating 4 out of 5]

This short book is so helpful. It makes us see what we should be disappointed with and why; as well as exposing the reasons we get over-disappointed in the wrong things. The Gospel helps us both deal with our disappointment and adjust our expectations for life now.

[Sarah Knox · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was one of the best books I've ever read! I've learned so much and gained so much prespective. So thankful to John Hindley and the Lord that this book exists. I feel like I've gotten to know the Lord Jesus better. I know Him nearer, in a way I've never known him before. Excellent book!❤❤❤

[Dave · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful and hopeful little book. An easy read that can really help cultivate a Christ-centered, faith driven perspective on the disappointments of life. I especially appreciate the author's emphasis that sometimes we need to be more disappointed, and how that leads us to the cross!

[Sage · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'd give this one a 3.5. Some parts were really great and some parts not as great. I did enjoy most of it and it definitely deserves a place on my bookshelf. Parts of the book are very helpful and great reminders that you will have disappointments in this world and not to be be surprised by that.

[Cat Caird · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good and very challenging!

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simply excellent. Nuanced, thoughtful, succinct but covers a lot of ground. So encouraging and one to return to again and again.

[Barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quote from this book: "You SHOULD be disappointed..." lol. A good read.

[Will Turner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every once in a while a book comes along that is exactly what you needed to read/hear. Dealing with Disappointment is that book. Life tends to whittle us away one small chip at a time. One disappointment here, another there. And Hindley reminds us that we should sense a level of disappointment. Things are not the way they are supposed to be. But that's just it. There is a time coming when all things will be made new, where all things will be re-created. And as followers of Christ we have front row seat to witness the death of disappointment.

Hindley's book helps us to gain that much needed perspective. This is a book I will keep close by in order to turn to it often.