Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

by Gary Roe

Best Books Awards Finalist.Unthinkable. Unbelievable. Heartbreaking.Whatever words we choose, they all fall far short of the reality. The loss of a child is a terrible thing.How do we survive this? Can we? Surviving the Loss of a Child was written to help. Bestselling author, hospice chaplain, and grief specialist Gary Roe uses his three decades of experience interacting with grieving parents to give us this heartfelt, easy-to-read, and intensely practical book.In Shattered, Roe walks the reader through the powerful impact a child’s death can have - emotionally, mentally, physically, relationally, and spiritually.Intense, unpredictable emotions can hijack us at a moment’s notice.Our minds spin. We forget things. It feels like we’re going crazy.Our bodies get hit. Our health can be impacted.Our souls feel crushed, shaking our faith and what we think we believe.Our relationships change. A deep loneliness of the heart can set in.Our plans and dreams are shattered. We’re now in uncharted territory. Yes, the loss of a child affects everything.In Shattered, you will discover how to…Manage the massive changes that are occurring in your lifeTake care of yourself during this processHonor your child with your griefLove those around you, even with a broken heartLive life as well as possible while in the midst of great painMake your child's life count in deep and powerful ways.Shattered is not a magic pill. The death of a child cannot be fixed. But comfort, compassion, guidance, and hope can be found in these pages. We will never be the same, but we can survive. And to some degree, we can heal.Shattered can help. Open this book, and let the healing continue.

Genres: Grief, Nonfiction, Self Help, Parenting

262 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 21, 2017

About the author

Hi. My name is Gary.

My story began with a childhood of sexual abuse and numerous other losses. When my life began to unravel as a teen, another family took me in and changed the trajectory of my life. My healing journey began.

Eager to help others heal and grow, my heart turned outward. Over the next three decades, I served as a campus minister, a church-planting missionary in Japan, an entrepreneur in Hawaii, and a pastor. I'm currently work as a writer, speaker, and hospice chaplain.

After walking through deep valleys with thousands of people, I can say the following with confidence:

• We've all been wounded
• Healing isn't for sissies
• We’re all designed for impact
• The world needs us
• We must heal

I'm here to help. I'm no guru or master of anything. I'm a fellow struggler. I still bear the scars of my wounds. I grieve, get anxious, worry, and battle fear regularly. But I'm healing, and I'm growing.

Stop by my website. Drop me an email. I’d love to hear from you.

Reviews

[Sandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great resource

As a bereaved mom of 3 months, navigating the grief of suddenly and unexpectedly losing my 32 year old son who is my firstborn child, and only son, I found so many helpful topics in this book. I highlighted so many takeaway notes that I want to be able to easily reference in the future.
I started reading this very early in the process and on two separate occasions put it down for extended periods of time before picking it back up to move forward. I was just able to read the little over half remaining in the past two days. Grieving is hard and I knew that at the right time this would be full of helpful information.
I highly recommend this book to all grieving parents.

[Gina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book, was like Gary took my "Grief journey " with me. Gary's compassion and unique insights are really helpful for grieving parents, and others dealing with sudden tragedy. This book, has shown me, that someone, understands what I am going through, and has given insights to get through this tragedy, feeling that I will, one day be OK. No, I will never be the same person as I was before losing my child, but, I can celebrate his life, without guilt, because I am not alone. This book shows me, other parents are doing the same things, for their child's memory. Together, we are Better! Awesome, Heartfelt Book!

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I lost a child due to miscarriage many years ago and it was devastating. Last September 2019 my brother and SIL lost their 21 year old son. Losing him has been the hardest loss I have ever felt, even though he wasn't my own child. It has just been horrible and I know we will never be the same. I read this to see if it was helpful. At first I just felt like all the author did was say, "talk and write; talk and write" to help. Then I realized, there's really nothing more you can do. The second half of the book does give some other ideas to help keep your child's memories alive. I guess I was hoping for some magical answers, but that doesn't exist of course, and that is certainly not the author's fault. He does give good prompts for journaling and explains that all the things we feel feel and experience are normal. From thinking you have cancer too (if your loved one died of that) to being terrified of letting your children drive (if your loved one died of that). Although this is geared towards parents, I highly recommend for anyone who has lost a child or young adult that you were close to. The part about people not asking you and thinking you should be over it in a few months is totally true too and that chapter is helpful. People will NOT continue to ask you and you just have to learn to be okay with that. A few people asked me for a month or so after the loss of my aunt and then my nephew, but none since that time. Reiterating that with others who have lost made me realize it is not just me or my friends don't care. Sorry if you have the need to read this book, prayers for all who have lost children they loved.

[Bobbi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish I would have bought the book. I listened to this and I feel having the book in my hands would have been better. That way I could take notes and go back to certain chapters to help with my grief.

That being said, it is a great book and one that I think everyone needs to read if you are experiencing grief from losing a child.

We are coming up on 6 months since I lost my first born, my only daughter. Some days are better than others and reading books like this helps get through the days.

I am going to buy the physical book so I can have it for reference and I do recommend journaling, that helps me a lot. Not only did Gary recommend journaling he also recommends to write to your child or write about your child.

The hospital where Becca passed is having a memorial next Thursday and the chaplain asked me today if I would like to read something about Becca. So, that’s what I’m going to work on the next few days.

I could relate to so much of this book and what other parents have gone through or going through.

Thank you Gary for writing this book.

[Cathi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read a lot of books and articles on grief over the last year since losing my 24-year-old son. Happening upon this book was an absolute Godwink that I’m so glad I listened to. I can honestly say this book is a must for anyone who has lost a child of any age or for anyone who is close to someone that has lost a child. I truly felt like this book was written specifically for me every single thing that I have been going through was addressed. It gave me hope! The pain will never go away and may not ever get any better, however; I felt hope that I will get better in how I deal with that pain!

[Donita · Rating 5 out of 5]

practical information

This book helped me realize that roller coaster of extreme emotions that I was experiencing was perfectly normal. I have experienced great loss, it is okay to experience so many different emotions. This book helped me to face each day knowing that what I felt was normal and okay and even healthy.

[Sally · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gary Roe has done a great service to the survivors of the loss of a child. In appropriately short chapters he grounds survivors in expected emotions, reactions they have themselves, and reactions of others. This is the perfect book to have in your home and be able to return to it as needed. The thing I loved the most about this book was the way he told stories throughout the book, and then placed his story at the end of the book. He shared the many stories of people so that you had a sense of many people sharing grief in different ways. And, his stories moved toward hope, with his own story made even more powerful by the ongoing sense of being able to live with grief and celebrate the life of all beloved children.

[Jeannie · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the shorter books I read this year, this one took me three borrows in audio from the library. This isn't because it isn't excellent, but because it was a hard read! I recommend it to parents who have suffered the death of their child at any age and to those who wish to love well a family or friend who has experienced this unthinkable loss! It will be a gift I am likely give to people I care about who have experienced this unimaginable loss! Additionally, I will recommend it to people who engage with parents and families. I am eager to check out this author's additional resources.

[Sherry Ellis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Shattered is a good read for anyone who has lost a child. It's horrible to be part of the "club" of grieving parents. This book validates what you're going through and explains how it affects you emotionally, physically, spiritually, and relationally. It offers some coping tips and information about support groups. The biggest takeaway is that you are not alone. The author shares stories of other grieving parents. As you read the short chapters, you will nod your head, saying, "Yes, that's exactly what it's like, and that's exactly how I feel." Recommended for grieving parents.

[Edie · Rating 4 out of 5]

We lost our daughter on March 29, 2017. She was only 46 years of age. It is very difficult to fathom losing a child. This book was a help and I will hold onto it. I did read Beyond Tears prior to this and that was a big help too and I was glad that I read that one first (by a different author) and both books dealt with the death of a child in a different way. I highly recommend reading this book but read the other book also.

[Taylor Ren’e Lara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is everything you expect from Gary Roe! If you are not familiar with his previous works, it is like reading a personal letter from a friend who understands. It is warm, easy to read, simple and straightforward. I think that anyone experiencing this type of grief; whether you've lost a child to an illness, an accident, or the court system, should give this book a chance.

[Wanda Gallops · Rating 5 out of 5]

I lost my 20 year old son 3 months ago. Reading this book has helped me so much. Chapters are short but very informative with points to consider at the end of each chapter. I love the advice from a grieving parent at the end of each chapter. I will use & read this book over & over in the coming months & years.

[Amanda Jo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This helped me understand the loss my parents were going through better. Loss is hard, and grief is hard. Being a parent myself now my empathy for the loss of your child is stronger. It was helpful for me after losing my brother. I hope my parents will find some peace or at least know they aren't alone in their feelings of grief and shock.

[Lisa Morris · Rating 5 out of 5]

My son Chris

Thank you for this book ,my loss is recent and I was looking for a way to process my grief daily. Your book is helping take my time. Blessings to you and all of the families who shared.

[Debi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having lost my daughter at the age of 6 yrs old in 1983 there wasn't much written on how to work through the grief process of losing a child. Gary helped me to understand that what I went through was normal and even today what I feel is normal. Thanks Gary

[Tam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazingly comforting and helpful

Spot on...with help every step of the way. Compassionate, real. I truly cannot express what a help this book has been to me. It has helped me to get through a very tough time in my life. Thank you Gary. Blessed to have read this book.

[Karissa Meyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible book that helps a grieving parent know their feelings are valid and normal. I love the format of short chapters as it’s easy to put down if one chapter is emotionally/mentally challenging as you are reading. Def will be recommending to any grieving parent.

[Chase Ward · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! Has helpful (short) chapters on a variety of topics. Not all topics are things you will be dealing with or be applicable, but they are easy to skim or skip altogether. I would wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone who has lost a child.

[Theresa Sivelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just don't think I'm in the right place yet to like this one.

[Susanna Moolman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to read. Chapters are short enough for those who cannot concentrate for too long. Any parent who struggle to survive the death of their child can relate to this.
Thank you Gary Roe!

[Vikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly excellent and helpful to one of us "safe" people supporting someone who has lost a child.

[Fanie Buys · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful book for parents who lost a child

[Linda Cirillo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource for a grieving parent.

[Lisa Martino · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very comforting and helpful.

[Elrina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book describes every moment of my life for the past 870 days since my only Child Pieter forever 20 received his wings. Thank you Gary, you are a God sent.

[lynda parkes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Glad I found this book

After the loss of my son I felt like this book helped me with my grief. I would recommend this book for you

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful!

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good for Group

This is set up with groups in mind. Each chapter is brief, containing a story of loss, and ending with general tips and questions for discussion or journaling.

[Kelly McCoy · Rating 5 out of 5]

We lost our 23 year old son and this book was helpful in validating our experiences.

[Anne Moorman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful in my grief journey