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Life Reimagined: The Science, Art, and Opportunity of Midlife
“Barbara Bradley Hagerty is a wise and engaging guide through the possibilities…of middle age.” — Daniel H. Pink, author of To Sell Is Human and Drive
A dynamic and inspiring exploration of the new science that is redrawing the future for people in their forties, fifties, and sixties for the better—and for good.
There’s no such thing as an inevitable midlife crisis, Barbara Bradley Hagerty writes in this provocative, hopeful book. It’s a myth, an illusion. New scientific research explodes the fable that midlife is a time when things start to go downhill for everybody. In fact, midlife can be a great new adventure, when you can embrace fresh possibilities, purposes, and pleasures. In Life Reimagined , Hagerty explains that midlife is about It’s the time to renegotiate your purpose, refocus your relationships, and transform the way you think about the world and yourself. Drawing from emerging information in neurology, psychology, biology, genetics, and sociology—as well as her own story of midlife transformation—Hagerty redraws the map for people in midlife and plots a new course forward in understanding our health, our relationships, even our futures.
A dynamic and inspiring exploration of the new science that is redrawing the future for people in their forties, fifties, and sixties for the better—and for good.
There’s no such thing as an inevitable midlife crisis, Barbara Bradley Hagerty writes in this provocative, hopeful book. It’s a myth, an illusion. New scientific research explodes the fable that midlife is a time when things start to go downhill for everybody. In fact, midlife can be a great new adventure, when you can embrace fresh possibilities, purposes, and pleasures. In Life Reimagined , Hagerty explains that midlife is about It’s the time to renegotiate your purpose, refocus your relationships, and transform the way you think about the world and yourself. Drawing from emerging information in neurology, psychology, biology, genetics, and sociology—as well as her own story of midlife transformation—Hagerty redraws the map for people in midlife and plots a new course forward in understanding our health, our relationships, even our futures.
464 pages, Paperback
First published March 15, 2016
447 people are currently reading
2845 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 277 reviews
December 20, 2016
Ok - I found large portions of this book to be tedious and unnecessary. I'd have cut 150+ pages out of it. I particularly found the author's "path" through mid-life to be a bit much. The set up is that each chapter discusses one mid-life issue and then the author (at least partially) looks at how she dealt with/deals with that issue. Let me be clear: I could not find one fuck to give about Ms. Hagerty's intense angst and physical set backs while she trained for the 'senior olympics' bike race (she was 42).
Some of the other stuff was fine. The stories about her 92 year old mother filled me with hope and happiness and made me wish I could know her. The chapter about her brother's (a very rich and powerful news publisher) attempts to financially assist the rescue of captured journalists in the Middle East - it may have been super terrific - but in the context of this book - again I had no fucks to give. I started out skimming and then basically skipped that chapter. It just seemed incredibly self-indulgent to me.
On the other hand, I found much of value and many, many helpful insights. She interviewed many, many interesting sociologists, psychologists, researchers, etc. to try to winkle out what makes a happy, meaningful, gratifying life. And I will tell you folks- it boils down to this.
SPOILER ALERT:
Happiness is Love. Full Stop.
So finally - worth reading - but my advice is to do what I did and be your own editor.
Some of the other stuff was fine. The stories about her 92 year old mother filled me with hope and happiness and made me wish I could know her. The chapter about her brother's (a very rich and powerful news publisher) attempts to financially assist the rescue of captured journalists in the Middle East - it may have been super terrific - but in the context of this book - again I had no fucks to give. I started out skimming and then basically skipped that chapter. It just seemed incredibly self-indulgent to me.
On the other hand, I found much of value and many, many helpful insights. She interviewed many, many interesting sociologists, psychologists, researchers, etc. to try to winkle out what makes a happy, meaningful, gratifying life. And I will tell you folks- it boils down to this.
SPOILER ALERT:
Happiness is Love. Full Stop.
So finally - worth reading - but my advice is to do what I did and be your own editor.
September 16, 2016
I would have put three stars, because I only "liked" this book, but I had to give a bonus to something so meticulously researched and deftly told. Then again, what else would you expect from an NPR reporter except exceptional journalism?
Hagerty is in her fifties, and has a lifelong dedication to education, intellectual development, and accomplishment. She combines research about what happens to the brain and body at middle age with personal stories collected from listeners who responded on her facebook page. I felt as though most of her interviewees were baby boomers, even though Gen Xers are now also middle aged.
The question Hagerty returns to again and again is "how do I slow or stop mental decline?" She relays interesting research into Alzheimer's; apparently just having the physiological symptoms of Alzheimer's doesn't mean that person will have mental degeneration. A woman whose autopsy showed a brain that had the Swiss cheese degradation of Alzheimer's was sharp and witty up until the day she died. (Spoiler: learning new things helps, but nothing beats aerobic exercise for slowing brain degeneration.) I don't particularly like the idea of getting feeble minded in my dotage, but brain degeneration doesn't make me as worried as the idea of losing vision and mobility, two things Hagerty doesn't really touch on.
This book isn't so much a "how to do midlife" for everyone as it is a "how Barbara Bradley Hagerty approaches midlife." Her values are slightly different from mine. For example, Hagerty didn't have children of her own, so she has nothing to add about how parenting changes a person in middle age. She talks about shifting careers, when women who stayed home or dialed back their careers to raise children would just be starting their career in midlife, not changing to a new one. Her obsession with education and accomplishment started to feel a lot like snobbery after a while. If she interviewed someone with a PhD, she mentioned the PhD. If someone went to an ivy league school (and most of the interviewees did) she mentioned it. I went to college. I did great at college, but to think I'd be identified by it decades later seems a little weird and off-putting, especially if I went to a (gasp!) affordable state school. It's like Japanese television where they put everyone's age up on the screen. True information, yes, but it seems an odd thing to share with everyone.
Most of her interviewees also have high powered, high profile, fiercely competitive careers, so I felt that weird disconnect like I do when I read medium articles about millennials who moan that they're only making $55K right out of college and can't afford the Brooklyn apartment they want. The problem is not that they're poor, the problem is that they don't have enough life experience to know what poverty really is. You can only feel sorry for baby boomers who were downgraded to working at Starbucks or Land's End if you are completely blind to the fact that most Americans consider those pretty good jobs and would be glad to get them. And the fact that she doesn't talk about parenting very much also makes it not as relevant to most people. It's like a vegan cookbook; while it's a valid choice, it's missing what most people consider hugely crucial ingredients.
I'd suggest approaching this book not as an end-all-be-all description of an under-researched topic, but more as a memoir from a brilliant baby boomer journalist as she navigates the third trimester of life.
Hagerty is in her fifties, and has a lifelong dedication to education, intellectual development, and accomplishment. She combines research about what happens to the brain and body at middle age with personal stories collected from listeners who responded on her facebook page. I felt as though most of her interviewees were baby boomers, even though Gen Xers are now also middle aged.
The question Hagerty returns to again and again is "how do I slow or stop mental decline?" She relays interesting research into Alzheimer's; apparently just having the physiological symptoms of Alzheimer's doesn't mean that person will have mental degeneration. A woman whose autopsy showed a brain that had the Swiss cheese degradation of Alzheimer's was sharp and witty up until the day she died. (Spoiler: learning new things helps, but nothing beats aerobic exercise for slowing brain degeneration.) I don't particularly like the idea of getting feeble minded in my dotage, but brain degeneration doesn't make me as worried as the idea of losing vision and mobility, two things Hagerty doesn't really touch on.
This book isn't so much a "how to do midlife" for everyone as it is a "how Barbara Bradley Hagerty approaches midlife." Her values are slightly different from mine. For example, Hagerty didn't have children of her own, so she has nothing to add about how parenting changes a person in middle age. She talks about shifting careers, when women who stayed home or dialed back their careers to raise children would just be starting their career in midlife, not changing to a new one. Her obsession with education and accomplishment started to feel a lot like snobbery after a while. If she interviewed someone with a PhD, she mentioned the PhD. If someone went to an ivy league school (and most of the interviewees did) she mentioned it. I went to college. I did great at college, but to think I'd be identified by it decades later seems a little weird and off-putting, especially if I went to a (gasp!) affordable state school. It's like Japanese television where they put everyone's age up on the screen. True information, yes, but it seems an odd thing to share with everyone.
Most of her interviewees also have high powered, high profile, fiercely competitive careers, so I felt that weird disconnect like I do when I read medium articles about millennials who moan that they're only making $55K right out of college and can't afford the Brooklyn apartment they want. The problem is not that they're poor, the problem is that they don't have enough life experience to know what poverty really is. You can only feel sorry for baby boomers who were downgraded to working at Starbucks or Land's End if you are completely blind to the fact that most Americans consider those pretty good jobs and would be glad to get them. And the fact that she doesn't talk about parenting very much also makes it not as relevant to most people. It's like a vegan cookbook; while it's a valid choice, it's missing what most people consider hugely crucial ingredients.
I'd suggest approaching this book not as an end-all-be-all description of an under-researched topic, but more as a memoir from a brilliant baby boomer journalist as she navigates the third trimester of life.
August 23, 2021
There's nothing about this book that's wrong, but the entire thing is self-involved, focused on the individual, and unfeeling. An enormous continent of collective suffering and injustice is right below the surface of her writing, but she never makes more than a token acknowledgement of it before blithely returning to her meritorious good fortune and that of her fellow uber-privileged Americans.
For example, early on, she writes about how the combination of good education and a challenging career is protective against dementia and Alzheimers, and then basically congratulates herself for having both.
We have an entire economy that has been built for over a hundred years on depriving manual labour of its meaning. The assembly line has so streamlined itself for efficiency and profit gains that there are young women in Asia whose entire jobs is to sew the left shoulder of one type of t-shirt together--all day, every day, forever. Challenging and intellectually stimulating jobs are a luxury good, available to very few.
That the scientific finding she reports dooms masses of people to vastly increased risks of dementia and alzheimers in their old age, in addition to the grinding poverty, lack of human rights, lost potential, etc., is not touched upon; that she is writing in a country where access to care is similarly defined by wealth and the very people being so condemned in America are going to have precious few resources to cope is also not mentioned. This is evidence of a massive crime perpetrated by the rich and powerful against those who have little control over their economic lives or careers, but you'd never know it from Hagerty's book.
I found this infuriating. Over and over she would discuss scientific studies in the context of one profiled person; that person would be briefly acknowledged to be lucky enough to have a supportive spouse, money, etc.; vast quantities of good luck in the form of racial, class, or other privilege would be overlooked; she would discuss how this person made the 'right' choices according to the literature and had a correspondingly good outcome, and then explicitly state that this had nothing to do with luck, when very clearly the only reason they had those right choices available to them was because of luck!
For the entire book she bemoans the fact that she never had biological children, thanks fate that she has a wonderful stepdaughter, and connects her lack of children to her career focus in the early decades of her life. And then never once in the entire book does she consider that this career focus and the status and resources it brought her gives her more choices or more control over her life than other women who had children in their twenties or thirties. Not once! How do you overlook that?
The writing is good, the research considered is appropriate, many of the stories and anecdotes included were lovely and touching, but the focus on the Self and, in particular, on Hagerty's Self, robbed me of almost all enjoyment from it.
This is a book about mid-life for those people who have had everything handed to them on a golden platter, then congratulate themselves on having earned it because they successfully carried the plate from the buffet line to their table without dropping anything, and who would rather not trouble themselves to wonder if anyone else has enough to eat.
For example, early on, she writes about how the combination of good education and a challenging career is protective against dementia and Alzheimers, and then basically congratulates herself for having both.
We have an entire economy that has been built for over a hundred years on depriving manual labour of its meaning. The assembly line has so streamlined itself for efficiency and profit gains that there are young women in Asia whose entire jobs is to sew the left shoulder of one type of t-shirt together--all day, every day, forever. Challenging and intellectually stimulating jobs are a luxury good, available to very few.
That the scientific finding she reports dooms masses of people to vastly increased risks of dementia and alzheimers in their old age, in addition to the grinding poverty, lack of human rights, lost potential, etc., is not touched upon; that she is writing in a country where access to care is similarly defined by wealth and the very people being so condemned in America are going to have precious few resources to cope is also not mentioned. This is evidence of a massive crime perpetrated by the rich and powerful against those who have little control over their economic lives or careers, but you'd never know it from Hagerty's book.
I found this infuriating. Over and over she would discuss scientific studies in the context of one profiled person; that person would be briefly acknowledged to be lucky enough to have a supportive spouse, money, etc.; vast quantities of good luck in the form of racial, class, or other privilege would be overlooked; she would discuss how this person made the 'right' choices according to the literature and had a correspondingly good outcome, and then explicitly state that this had nothing to do with luck, when very clearly the only reason they had those right choices available to them was because of luck!
For the entire book she bemoans the fact that she never had biological children, thanks fate that she has a wonderful stepdaughter, and connects her lack of children to her career focus in the early decades of her life. And then never once in the entire book does she consider that this career focus and the status and resources it brought her gives her more choices or more control over her life than other women who had children in their twenties or thirties. Not once! How do you overlook that?
The writing is good, the research considered is appropriate, many of the stories and anecdotes included were lovely and touching, but the focus on the Self and, in particular, on Hagerty's Self, robbed me of almost all enjoyment from it.
This is a book about mid-life for those people who have had everything handed to them on a golden platter, then congratulate themselves on having earned it because they successfully carried the plate from the buffet line to their table without dropping anything, and who would rather not trouble themselves to wonder if anyone else has enough to eat.
August 30, 2016
This book will be my go-to text for social science research on aging. I'm an educator interested in how vocation continues into the third act of life. I'm also a writer used to studying my own life through the texts of other lives, so I appreciated the memoir embedded in this book.
The story begins with the author's mid-life health scare that coincided with the death of her father. Nothing like death to make real the subject of aging! As readers continue, we go on a journey with the author through a year's leave from her job as a reporter for NPR to write this book. We recognize her ambition to test herself physically and mentally. We hope she will also reveal her inner thoughts and allow us to see her struggles and fears. I have the sense that she revealed more, especially about her friendships and family, than she intended at the beginning. In my opinion, these glimpses into her doubts and difficulties make the book more than a snapshot of current research. They show us a culture in transition in the midst of an aging revolution and the possible impact of change on individual lives.
Each chapter of the book takes up a new subject (midlife crisis, memory, friendship, brain science, marriage, purpose, resilience, generativity, and meaning). The best and most recent research on each topic comes wrapped in a package of glimpses into the author's year when highlights and lowlights relevant to the topic are explored. The structure does much of this work. By choosing months to go along with themes and using dates as a way to indicate that we will be entering the embedded memoir, the author can escape the "dry literature review" peril and make the book seem like an adventure rather than a graduate seminar.
A final note. Humor is one of the author's best strengths. She took an Authentic Happiness test online that proved it. :-) But she also proves it in every chapter. I leave smiley faces in the margins of books (yes, I'm a marker upper), and this one gets a lot of them.
Reading other reviews here, listening to 2016 election news, and seeing similar comments about class bias in other books about aging makes me think that there is another book to write about those with less privilege. Is there a great and largely invisible majority being "left behind" as others more wealthy pursue their passions in the third act? Since BBH used her year to decide the time was right to leave NPR and since she is so good at interviewing people, perhaps this is a next book? Or at least a follow-up essay?
The story begins with the author's mid-life health scare that coincided with the death of her father. Nothing like death to make real the subject of aging! As readers continue, we go on a journey with the author through a year's leave from her job as a reporter for NPR to write this book. We recognize her ambition to test herself physically and mentally. We hope she will also reveal her inner thoughts and allow us to see her struggles and fears. I have the sense that she revealed more, especially about her friendships and family, than she intended at the beginning. In my opinion, these glimpses into her doubts and difficulties make the book more than a snapshot of current research. They show us a culture in transition in the midst of an aging revolution and the possible impact of change on individual lives.
Each chapter of the book takes up a new subject (midlife crisis, memory, friendship, brain science, marriage, purpose, resilience, generativity, and meaning). The best and most recent research on each topic comes wrapped in a package of glimpses into the author's year when highlights and lowlights relevant to the topic are explored. The structure does much of this work. By choosing months to go along with themes and using dates as a way to indicate that we will be entering the embedded memoir, the author can escape the "dry literature review" peril and make the book seem like an adventure rather than a graduate seminar.
A final note. Humor is one of the author's best strengths. She took an Authentic Happiness test online that proved it. :-) But she also proves it in every chapter. I leave smiley faces in the margins of books (yes, I'm a marker upper), and this one gets a lot of them.
Reading other reviews here, listening to 2016 election news, and seeing similar comments about class bias in other books about aging makes me think that there is another book to write about those with less privilege. Is there a great and largely invisible majority being "left behind" as others more wealthy pursue their passions in the third act? Since BBH used her year to decide the time was right to leave NPR and since she is so good at interviewing people, perhaps this is a next book? Or at least a follow-up essay?
September 23, 2016
I’ve been reading quite a few of these midlife crises books, more to figure out where mine disappeared to, and I find this is, well, another one. This “Life Reimagined” was quite well written and had interesting research described, but meandered around the topic and drilled down into quite a lot of indulgent personal story writing about the author, her job, and her families’ doings. Did you know the author was an NPR reporter? You will by the time you finish – she repeats this dozens of times so you won’t forget. In comparison to other books of its ilk, this included some interesting research that I hadn’t seen before, but required wading through personal stories that were extremely indulgent, at times smug, and often didn’t really match the topic. (The smugness popped up while bragging about being married for the first time at age 43, if I recall correctly.) I would read more by this author, but with more skimming.
April 7, 2016
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Hagerty is an engaging writer and I was eager to keep reading to find out what would happen with her various stories. This is an optimistic book about entering midlife and reaffirms some things that I personally have started to do - planning the activities I will do in my encore career.
July 19, 2016
Barbara Bradley Hagerty defines being middle-aged as being between the ages of 40-65. Falling somewhere in between those parameters, I was intrigued to find out more about what she means by midlife renewal as opposed to the ubiquitous term “midlife crisis”.
Delving into the well-categorized chapters on learning new things, importance of friendships, marriage, memory loss, finding a purpose in life, altruism, and second careers, I bookmarked so many pages that I might do better just re-reading it!
There is hope for us mid-lifers yet! Midlife renewal involves taking a hard look at your situation in life and understanding what brings you happiness and fulfillment. Hagerty states,”This is a time when you shift gears…the moment can be exhilarating rather than terrifying, informed by the experiences of your past and shaped by the promise of your future.” Now that people are living well beyond retirement age, decisions that are made today affect the rest of your life.
In order to live richly in one’s middle years, three themes seem to dominate, according to Hagerty. They are: Engage with verve — in your relationships, your continued education, your career, and in everything you do. Doing this will bring you satisfaction and joy. This engagement with the world fosters social networks and a feeling of being “generative” — helping perpetuate future generations with aid and nurturing. Choose purpose over happiness — pursuing long term goals over short term happiness gives meaning to life. Pay attention to your thoughts and attitudes — they can shape how you experience the world.
Brain games, you may have heard, are good for the aging mind. Keep your mind sharp by doing crosswords, Sudoku and fun little games on your smart phones we’re told. This effort to exercise the mind, to employ “fluid intelligence” is important, but so is novelty. New mental challenges, such as learning a new activity that taps both working memory and long term memory, have been shown to boost cognition in the elderly, staving off dementia, more so than just a procedural task. People with a purpose in life, that find each day meaningful, have been found less likely to develop dementia or cognitive decline, even when their autopsies show the pathology of having Alzheimer's. So find a new passion or hobby early on, to carry you through your senior years.
Novelty also seems to keep long term marriages alive, a concern in middle age when so many marriages break up. The brain rewards novel activity (we’re talking new experiences such as a cultural event, a sport or creative pursuit in case you were wondering!) with a little “dopamine-driven reward”. So explore that new museum together, or hike that trail you’ve never explored.
Resilience: the ability to regulate one’s response to fear. Hagerty explains that we all have ways to handle fear and difficult situations, whether it’s a natural optimism, the support of friends and family or just one’s own resourcefulness. Finding meaning in adversity and maintaining a positive mental attitude allows for better health and longer life, according to numerous studies.
There are still a number of yellow stickies pasted in this book, marking passages that I didn’t get to in this review. So I suggest if you’re wondering about how to seize the best opportunities of midlife and are looking for an interesting read, pick up this award-winning NPR journalist’s book, “Life Reimagined, the Science, Art and Opportunity of Midlife”
Delving into the well-categorized chapters on learning new things, importance of friendships, marriage, memory loss, finding a purpose in life, altruism, and second careers, I bookmarked so many pages that I might do better just re-reading it!
There is hope for us mid-lifers yet! Midlife renewal involves taking a hard look at your situation in life and understanding what brings you happiness and fulfillment. Hagerty states,”This is a time when you shift gears…the moment can be exhilarating rather than terrifying, informed by the experiences of your past and shaped by the promise of your future.” Now that people are living well beyond retirement age, decisions that are made today affect the rest of your life.
In order to live richly in one’s middle years, three themes seem to dominate, according to Hagerty. They are: Engage with verve — in your relationships, your continued education, your career, and in everything you do. Doing this will bring you satisfaction and joy. This engagement with the world fosters social networks and a feeling of being “generative” — helping perpetuate future generations with aid and nurturing. Choose purpose over happiness — pursuing long term goals over short term happiness gives meaning to life. Pay attention to your thoughts and attitudes — they can shape how you experience the world.
Brain games, you may have heard, are good for the aging mind. Keep your mind sharp by doing crosswords, Sudoku and fun little games on your smart phones we’re told. This effort to exercise the mind, to employ “fluid intelligence” is important, but so is novelty. New mental challenges, such as learning a new activity that taps both working memory and long term memory, have been shown to boost cognition in the elderly, staving off dementia, more so than just a procedural task. People with a purpose in life, that find each day meaningful, have been found less likely to develop dementia or cognitive decline, even when their autopsies show the pathology of having Alzheimer's. So find a new passion or hobby early on, to carry you through your senior years.
Novelty also seems to keep long term marriages alive, a concern in middle age when so many marriages break up. The brain rewards novel activity (we’re talking new experiences such as a cultural event, a sport or creative pursuit in case you were wondering!) with a little “dopamine-driven reward”. So explore that new museum together, or hike that trail you’ve never explored.
Resilience: the ability to regulate one’s response to fear. Hagerty explains that we all have ways to handle fear and difficult situations, whether it’s a natural optimism, the support of friends and family or just one’s own resourcefulness. Finding meaning in adversity and maintaining a positive mental attitude allows for better health and longer life, according to numerous studies.
There are still a number of yellow stickies pasted in this book, marking passages that I didn’t get to in this review. So I suggest if you’re wondering about how to seize the best opportunities of midlife and are looking for an interesting read, pick up this award-winning NPR journalist’s book, “Life Reimagined, the Science, Art and Opportunity of Midlife”
December 18, 2017
Excellent book, all the stuff I've been thinking about. Was a bit worried that her faith would get in the way of my enjoyment of this book, but it turned out to be fine. Here's what I want to remember about this book:
How to change catastrophic thinking:
1. describe the event
2. capture the worst case scenario
3. generate the best case scenario
4. identify the most likely outcome
5. develop a plan
Check out the University of Pennsylvania's Authentic Happiness website for top 5 strengths.
Every idea in this book runs against our natural tendency to want to relax, take it easy, reward ourselves for decades of work and child rearing. Our default mode at midlife is entropy. But default is not destiny, on this, the research in unequivocal.: for every fork in the road, you are almost invariably better off making the harder choice. Harder in the moment, that is, but easier over the years, as your body and mind remain strong. By resisting entropy, by pushing through the inertia that beckons us to rest a little longer, to slow down just a notch, until your life has narrowed to a pinprick - by resisting those forces, you dramatically up the odds that your life will be rich to your final breath, deeply entwined with family and friends, engaged in intellectual pursuits, and infused with a purpose that extends beyond yourself. Yes it's hard. Yes, it's worth it. (p.356)
- If you feel the midlife blues, remember that everyone else does too, and your most joyous years are ahead of you.
- Aim for meaning and not happiness, and you will find both.
- Ask yourself regularly: how will I use these glorious days for the best purpose?
- The middle-aged brain is a thing of wonder. It can learn any new trick, if you challenge it.
- At every stage of life, you should be a rookie at something.
- Midlife can be like [the Prairies], long and flat. Creating a goal will energize your days.
- It’s harder to hurt when you are laughing.
- Take trouble in stride: a few setbacks are just what the doctor ordered.
- Watch your thoughts: your thinking shapes your experience.
- If possible, go with Plan A, and it’s possible more often than not.
- Pivoting on your strengths beats starting from scratch.
- Redefine success according to your values, not those of the rest of the world
- Pay attention: the biggest threat to seasoned relationships is mutual neglect
- Do you value that relationship? If so, then cut them some slack.
- It’s dangerous at the periphery
How to change catastrophic thinking:
1. describe the event
2. capture the worst case scenario
3. generate the best case scenario
4. identify the most likely outcome
5. develop a plan
Check out the University of Pennsylvania's Authentic Happiness website for top 5 strengths.
Every idea in this book runs against our natural tendency to want to relax, take it easy, reward ourselves for decades of work and child rearing. Our default mode at midlife is entropy. But default is not destiny, on this, the research in unequivocal.: for every fork in the road, you are almost invariably better off making the harder choice. Harder in the moment, that is, but easier over the years, as your body and mind remain strong. By resisting entropy, by pushing through the inertia that beckons us to rest a little longer, to slow down just a notch, until your life has narrowed to a pinprick - by resisting those forces, you dramatically up the odds that your life will be rich to your final breath, deeply entwined with family and friends, engaged in intellectual pursuits, and infused with a purpose that extends beyond yourself. Yes it's hard. Yes, it's worth it. (p.356)
- If you feel the midlife blues, remember that everyone else does too, and your most joyous years are ahead of you.
- Aim for meaning and not happiness, and you will find both.
- Ask yourself regularly: how will I use these glorious days for the best purpose?
- The middle-aged brain is a thing of wonder. It can learn any new trick, if you challenge it.
- At every stage of life, you should be a rookie at something.
- Midlife can be like [the Prairies], long and flat. Creating a goal will energize your days.
- It’s harder to hurt when you are laughing.
- Take trouble in stride: a few setbacks are just what the doctor ordered.
- Watch your thoughts: your thinking shapes your experience.
- If possible, go with Plan A, and it’s possible more often than not.
- Pivoting on your strengths beats starting from scratch.
- Redefine success according to your values, not those of the rest of the world
- Pay attention: the biggest threat to seasoned relationships is mutual neglect
- Do you value that relationship? If so, then cut them some slack.
- It’s dangerous at the periphery
June 28, 2021
Such timely and practical insights. Makes this aging thing seem OK!
April 25, 2019
There are some good factoids, like the U-shaped happiness curve, but overall the title was misleading as this was too much of an oversharing personal memoir for my tastes.
The science is pretty light. For example, she establishes early on that pathological findings of Alzheimer's in the brains of dead people don't really correlate well with their degree of dementia. This is an extremely important point. The lesson is to pay attention to practical functionality, not to lab tests. But then the rest of the book is obsessed with brain scans (Brainwashed: The Seductive Appeal of Mindless Neuroscience.
P.S. Got this free from the library.
The science is pretty light. For example, she establishes early on that pathological findings of Alzheimer's in the brains of dead people don't really correlate well with their degree of dementia. This is an extremely important point. The lesson is to pay attention to practical functionality, not to lab tests. But then the rest of the book is obsessed with brain scans (Brainwashed: The Seductive Appeal of Mindless Neuroscience.
P.S. Got this free from the library.
September 20, 2016
If I could edit out the author, this book would be much more powerful to me. Instead, it falls much more in the memoir category, less in the social science category. So, sure, if one could somehow edit out the oft-repeated "baby boomer," "NPR" and the author's class blindness (wherein she goes to a casino! during the weekday! and is! Surprised! by its patrons!) then the science behind this book would shine bright and loud and universal.
Sigh. This is a pity, because there is a lot of great science in this book.
Sigh. This is a pity, because there is a lot of great science in this book.
February 15, 2017
I was really looking forward to reading this. It seems, however, to be written for those who are healthy and wealthy. (I don't know about the "wise" part.) Being neither, the suggestions weren't relevant to my life. I was quite disappointed. In fact, I felt even more hopeless about my later years than I did before I began reading it.
October 27, 2019
This was just okay. It had a lot of fascinating and even useful information but it also had a lot of I inacknowledged privilege. If those with higher level jobs, the ones were job satisfaction feels like a reasonable goal, are all off deepening their careers and switching to more suitable ones etc, what’s everyone else doing? What’s midlife like for the poor?
June 20, 2024
Great book!! Makes me more hopeful for crappy middle age (although the 50's are good, I wasn't looking forward to the 40's until now).
Let's dive into the notes:
She said that the 40's, 50's, 60's are most critical for your life. And these years are a research wasteland because no one is studying them. Researchers study the young and the old.
To those who say life is boring, haven't lived through middle age.
80% of men suffer through a midlife crises. But only one out of 10 people experience a genuine mid life crises. People will label a death or an unexpected firing during their middle years as a mid life crises but these can happen at any time. Most that make it through the mid life crises have a common attribute: love. They have people that they love and in return love them, like a spouse and kids. They provided a shelter from the wind, instead of facing the storm alone.
Be identified by your passions and not your resume.
A hopeless midlife can blossom into wholesome old age. A good midlife is an intentional one.
Midlife people can't make all the choices in life or "be anything" like a young person can but they have more than what the mid life crises culture likes to lead them to believe. They can make more informed choices now than at 25 or 35. They can gather all their experience that has shaped them and add it to things they are good at to focus on the next half of their life.
Crystallized (experience) intelligence improves over time. Fluid intelligence dips over time.
We need to challenge our brains more and do less procedural tasks.
Friendships at midlife are a little like a smoke detector, you need them in theory but they can be a nuisance to keep up, especially if you are juggling, children, aging parents, and a career. So you let them run out of juice. But you don't really miss them until the house begins to burn up and you wish you had a few firemen nearby.
Friends are the surest defense against one of the most ruthless killers: isolation. If you want to live a long and healthy life, invest in friends, particularly at midlife. Friendships are different in your middle ages because there's not as many significant events in life like marriage, baby, graduation. But they demand more. Friends are the Swiss army knife of relationships, they can do it all. People with a large circle of friends are less likely to die early than those with not as many friends.
Friends aren't a luxury in mid life, they are a necessity.
I don't understand how she lost her closest friends during middle age. Her example wasn't very detailed.
Humans can have 150 people in their networks. The inner circle is 5, close friends but not intimidate is 15, etc.
The way you keep your friendships going is constantly update each other on what's interesting.
Ages 45 - 65 are loneliest ages.
Education delays dementia. You get it slower, but when you do it goes quickly. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
A positive outlook on life helps the brain more nimble and resistant to Alzheimer's. The brain is the only organ that is plasticity.
No partner checks every box. If you abandon a pretty good marriage to find the missing box, oftentimes you lose more than you gain.
The secret to conquering midlife is learning a hobby. Something you can work towards and improve on.
Some incidents can affect a person more than another incident. Like overcoming cancer vs a divorce because one could shatter your confidence in the future.
She's very optimistic about finding love during the midlife I guess that's because she was able to.
Let's dive into the notes:
She said that the 40's, 50's, 60's are most critical for your life. And these years are a research wasteland because no one is studying them. Researchers study the young and the old.
To those who say life is boring, haven't lived through middle age.
80% of men suffer through a midlife crises. But only one out of 10 people experience a genuine mid life crises. People will label a death or an unexpected firing during their middle years as a mid life crises but these can happen at any time. Most that make it through the mid life crises have a common attribute: love. They have people that they love and in return love them, like a spouse and kids. They provided a shelter from the wind, instead of facing the storm alone.
Be identified by your passions and not your resume.
A hopeless midlife can blossom into wholesome old age. A good midlife is an intentional one.
Midlife people can't make all the choices in life or "be anything" like a young person can but they have more than what the mid life crises culture likes to lead them to believe. They can make more informed choices now than at 25 or 35. They can gather all their experience that has shaped them and add it to things they are good at to focus on the next half of their life.
Crystallized (experience) intelligence improves over time. Fluid intelligence dips over time.
We need to challenge our brains more and do less procedural tasks.
Friendships at midlife are a little like a smoke detector, you need them in theory but they can be a nuisance to keep up, especially if you are juggling, children, aging parents, and a career. So you let them run out of juice. But you don't really miss them until the house begins to burn up and you wish you had a few firemen nearby.
Friends are the surest defense against one of the most ruthless killers: isolation. If you want to live a long and healthy life, invest in friends, particularly at midlife. Friendships are different in your middle ages because there's not as many significant events in life like marriage, baby, graduation. But they demand more. Friends are the Swiss army knife of relationships, they can do it all. People with a large circle of friends are less likely to die early than those with not as many friends.
Friends aren't a luxury in mid life, they are a necessity.
I don't understand how she lost her closest friends during middle age. Her example wasn't very detailed.
Humans can have 150 people in their networks. The inner circle is 5, close friends but not intimidate is 15, etc.
The way you keep your friendships going is constantly update each other on what's interesting.
Ages 45 - 65 are loneliest ages.
Education delays dementia. You get it slower, but when you do it goes quickly. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
A positive outlook on life helps the brain more nimble and resistant to Alzheimer's. The brain is the only organ that is plasticity.
No partner checks every box. If you abandon a pretty good marriage to find the missing box, oftentimes you lose more than you gain.
The secret to conquering midlife is learning a hobby. Something you can work towards and improve on.
Some incidents can affect a person more than another incident. Like overcoming cancer vs a divorce because one could shatter your confidence in the future.
She's very optimistic about finding love during the midlife I guess that's because she was able to.
July 6, 2017
Unfortunately, this book just didn't do it for me. I feel like it had a lot of potential but I think this book would be better off being broken down by its chapters and being featured a monthly article in some women's magazine. Its very pop-esque (which isn't always a bad thing), but the book is inundated with the author's opinion and how it relates to her mid-life crisis which was kind of why she wrote it in the first place. The author's voice is very lackadaisical with a fact/study thrown in here and there wherever it seems to fit.
I know, I know, I'm not near mid-life at all, but I enjoy reading about people overcoming their personal struggles. Also, Western culture places a huge emphasis on youth, vibrancy, and vitality and simply glosses over wisdom, which I think should have more, or at least equal, significance. And honestly, what person my age doesn't worry periodically about when their youth will be lost [this is me being a hypocrite - I never said I had my life figured out :)]? Will it be 30? 40? There are still people who look great at that age, will I? Why am I only thinking about looks? Good thing I'm thinking about this now rather than later. Why am I being superficial? And on and on those questions go. Okay, maybe most people don't worry about that, but I'm not one of those people.
Anyways, not for me. I like hard facts, experiments, innovation, explorations, the occasional anecdote (there are a lot in this book) and since I'm a millennial (hah), I follow the stereotype of always seeking fast, new and exciting information. Ive started meditating as an attempt to counteract that. What I read I feel like I could have guessed or already knew.
I know, I know, I'm not near mid-life at all, but I enjoy reading about people overcoming their personal struggles. Also, Western culture places a huge emphasis on youth, vibrancy, and vitality and simply glosses over wisdom, which I think should have more, or at least equal, significance. And honestly, what person my age doesn't worry periodically about when their youth will be lost [this is me being a hypocrite - I never said I had my life figured out :)]? Will it be 30? 40? There are still people who look great at that age, will I? Why am I only thinking about looks? Good thing I'm thinking about this now rather than later. Why am I being superficial? And on and on those questions go. Okay, maybe most people don't worry about that, but I'm not one of those people.
Anyways, not for me. I like hard facts, experiments, innovation, explorations, the occasional anecdote (there are a lot in this book) and since I'm a millennial (hah), I follow the stereotype of always seeking fast, new and exciting information. Ive started meditating as an attempt to counteract that. What I read I feel like I could have guessed or already knew.
April 19, 2016
Life Reimagined provides an in-depth examination of the quality of life in one's 40s, 50s, and 60s. How people find meaning, create resilience, reignite a stale marriage, and so much more is covered in both a scientific manner and with personal anecdotes.
The author is a reporter for NPR and formerly for the Christian Science Monitor and thus brings her skills as a journalist to this topic. Her typical approach to a topic is to tell a short story of her own life and then broaden it out to how the scientific community sees the issue. At times it seemed she was telling a bit too much of her own story and along with it a few conclusions about an issue that had no scientific verification.
Overall, this is a mainly upbeat and hopeful perspective that encourages readers to listen to their own needs and pursue their own interests and values.
The author is a reporter for NPR and formerly for the Christian Science Monitor and thus brings her skills as a journalist to this topic. Her typical approach to a topic is to tell a short story of her own life and then broaden it out to how the scientific community sees the issue. At times it seemed she was telling a bit too much of her own story and along with it a few conclusions about an issue that had no scientific verification.
Overall, this is a mainly upbeat and hopeful perspective that encourages readers to listen to their own needs and pursue their own interests and values.
July 16, 2017
Found a condensed version of this book in a little magazine her brother happens to own : https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/...
I enjoyed some of the science insights, and her access to experts in various fields. As other reviewers here have noted, the book itself progressively becomes more of a memoir, which is not always a bad thing. Just a bit different from where the book launched for me. There's also a self-help vibe that sort of springs forth in the latter half, so consider that a warning or perhaps a promise depending on what you are looking for.
She addresses a lot of the issues, personal and professional, that like an AARP subscription, cannot be avoided at a certain point in one's life.
I enjoyed some of the science insights, and her access to experts in various fields. As other reviewers here have noted, the book itself progressively becomes more of a memoir, which is not always a bad thing. Just a bit different from where the book launched for me. There's also a self-help vibe that sort of springs forth in the latter half, so consider that a warning or perhaps a promise depending on what you are looking for.
She addresses a lot of the issues, personal and professional, that like an AARP subscription, cannot be avoided at a certain point in one's life.
October 4, 2021
I listened to the audiobook read by the author for a book club and initially gave it a “meh, it was ok I guess” assessment but when we actually started talking about it I recalled all the cringey things I heard her actually say out loud. This book felt very self-congratulatory and encouraged toxic positivity several times over. She lost me when talking about her arduous mission to train for the senior Olympics at age 42 (which I currently am) and seemed to believe that’s a relatable plight. Also the segment on how trauma impacts everyone differently and here is a study on how all these veterans with severe PTSD cured themselves with positive thinking.
January 2, 2018
As I am about to finish my first year of my fifties -- what I think of as mid-mid-life, I warmed to the voice and story-telling of Barbara Hagerty's audiobook. I plan to go back to the print version of the book to mine it for specific applications, sure that there was wisdom to glean from someone who is roughly ten years further ahead in her journey. (The afterword, which is 16 suggestions for midlife, is a a nice list to print out and place on my fridge. Each point will also serve to remind me of specific anecdotes from the book that illustrate the point.)
Although there were times that I wished Hagerty would get to the point in her narration and tell her reader what the bottom line of a given chapter was, I found the roundabout stories of her failures (followed by sweet successes) to be the most important part of the book. There's a lot to celebrate in midlife but I'm really trying to learn how to cope with the inevitable suffering and loss that are central parts of the journey. Hagerty manages to weave together realistic multiple strands that invite me to a closer re-examination.
Although there were times that I wished Hagerty would get to the point in her narration and tell her reader what the bottom line of a given chapter was, I found the roundabout stories of her failures (followed by sweet successes) to be the most important part of the book. There's a lot to celebrate in midlife but I'm really trying to learn how to cope with the inevitable suffering and loss that are central parts of the journey. Hagerty manages to weave together realistic multiple strands that invite me to a closer re-examination.
Read
March 22, 2024I started this book with a ton of enthusiasm and ended with the recording on 1.5 speed hoping it would just end. That's not to say I didn't learn anything from it. As a reporter for a national news organization, Hagerty knows how to research. She pulled in interesting studies and shared them in ways that were understandable and sparked reflection about how the findings might either affect me or had already shown up in my life.
That said...the author never seemed to understand that so much of what she shared and the people she interviewed were operating from an incredibly secure perch on a pile of wealth, health insurance, and supportive partners collecting paychecks. I started rolling my eyes every time she introduced an interview subject starting with where they went to college. The lens where the school you attend is seen as both a personal achievement and a calling card to lead with in middle age and beyond is so narrow.
I don't need to belabor what has been written in other reviews or beat up on a book in which I did find value and some interesting work.
That said...the author never seemed to understand that so much of what she shared and the people she interviewed were operating from an incredibly secure perch on a pile of wealth, health insurance, and supportive partners collecting paychecks. I started rolling my eyes every time she introduced an interview subject starting with where they went to college. The lens where the school you attend is seen as both a personal achievement and a calling card to lead with in middle age and beyond is so narrow.
I don't need to belabor what has been written in other reviews or beat up on a book in which I did find value and some interesting work.
October 31, 2017
Reads like a good conversation with a friend who wants to set your mind at ease about getting older. Appropriate for a book that emphasizes the importance of friendships and other connections as we age. Nothing new but always good for a reminder – to try something new, stay engaged, develop emotional resilience, recognize and appreciate the gifts of experience and perspective and share what we have with others. As she says, our role in our second half is not to build up for ourselves (family, career, home) but to begin to give away our time, energy, and talents. Midlife is a time when it’s still not too late to begin something new and purposeful, something that builds upon skills we’ve already developed but takes us in exciting new directions and allows us to contribute what we’ve gained throughout the years.
October 19, 2024
Es muy impresionante la labor de investigación que ha llevado a cabo para comprender y compartir con los demás sus hallazgos. La crisis de la media edad nos toma más sabios pero por lo mismo nos hace sentir la necesidad de cuestionar si es queremos continuar el mismo camino o queremos transformarlo. Coincido totalmente en que en esta etapa todo: nuestras relaciones, los pequeños momentos, el día se vive con intención.
The research work she has carried out to understand and share her findings with others is very impressive. The midlife crisis makes us wiser but at the same time it makes us feel the need to question whether we want to continue the same path or whether we want to transform it. I completely agree that at this stage everything: our relationships, the small moments, the day is lived with intention.
The research work she has carried out to understand and share her findings with others is very impressive. The midlife crisis makes us wiser but at the same time it makes us feel the need to question whether we want to continue the same path or whether we want to transform it. I completely agree that at this stage everything: our relationships, the small moments, the day is lived with intention.
July 28, 2017
Some strange winds propelled me to pick this book up at the library. In three weeks my oldest goes to college, my other two right behind him. I just turned 50. My summer has no work, few obligations. I am relaxed, having fun. I have been completely obsessed and tormented about my next chapter. Then Hagerty explains, "...you are almost invariably better off making the harder choice." Meaning, find purpose and engage. Yup. And she concludes, "Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's worth it."
This is science-based self-help wrapped in story-telling. Easy to read, easy to skim parts that don't feel pertinent. Lovely book and I am taking it all to heart.
This is science-based self-help wrapped in story-telling. Easy to read, easy to skim parts that don't feel pertinent. Lovely book and I am taking it all to heart.
June 20, 2018
I enjoyed her distillations of the science and the extensive notes to the research. I was with her til the end, rooting for her (rooting for me?) Ending weak - Obama reference seems trite. Probably less to do with Barbara’s writing than the current political landscape.
“Every idea in this book runs against our natural tendency to want to relax, take it easy, reward ourselves for decades of work and child rearing.” ~ p. 356
“Every idea in this book runs against our natural tendency to want to relax, take it easy, reward ourselves for decades of work and child rearing.” ~ p. 356
March 11, 2020
4.5 stars. I’ve read many books on “second acts” recently, and Barbara Hagerty’s take was a huge step up (if not multiple steps) from others with storytelling tied to scientific studies on how to live well (physically, emotionally, spiritually) in your 50s and beyond.
March 14, 2019
I planned to skim this book and just take a few pearls of wisdom from it, but I wound up enjoying it so much that I wanted to read it cover to cover. I really liked the way that the extensive research about midlife (which I found fascinating) is interwoven with personal stories throughout.
January 25, 2020
Sometimes depressing; sometimes inspirational. Barbara Hagerty is a true storyteller. She gives research and statistics an entertaining voice to help a person delve into midlife.
August 16, 2023
This is a light “self help” book for those who are in the second 1/2 of their life. Filled with scientific brain research and many vignettes of the author and other people’s experiences, the book is a fast, positive read. Thank you, Patte, for introducing me to Barbara Hagerty’s book, which caused me to not read for plot, but to reflect!
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March 6, 2024Interesting, meticulously researched and not as inspiring as one would expect. I don’t know if it was the level of detail or the complicated approach to “midlife” but the book did not land with any power. Losing friends bc they don’t want you to share their story seems like a big event, but is told with the emotional punch almost completely removed.
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