Raising Men, Not Boys: Shepherding Your Sons to be Men of God

by Mike Fabarez

How to raise a godly man in a godless world Perhaps there has never been a more challenging time to raise children than in today’s culture. Parents are having to address challenges that their parents never had to with them. And while the core elements to raising children are the same, parents need wisdom for applying them to this day and age. That’s what this book is navigating the times and raising a generation of men on godly principles—sons who are ready, able, and motivated to represent God during their days of sojourning on this earth. Pastor and author Mike Fabarez will help parents pass the faith on to their sons, in prayer that the promises of God extend to the third and fourth generations… and beyond. Parents will be equipped There is an epidemic of grown men with the maturity of young boys. Be a parent who saves your child from prolonged adolescence. Scripture says, “The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him” (Prov. 23:24). Children are a gift from the Lord. Read Raising Men, Not Boys to steward the gift of parenting and shepherd your sons to be men of God.

Genres: Parenting, Christian, Christianity, Nonfiction, Family, Audiobook, Christian Living

208 pages, Paperback

Published September 5, 2017

About the author

DR. MIKE FABAREZ is the founding pastor of Compass Bible Church in Aliso Viejo, California. He is a graduate of Moody Bible Institute, Talbot School of Theology, and Westminster Theological Seminary in California. Mike is heard on hundreds of stations on the Focal Point radio program and has authored several books, including Lifelines for Tough Times, Preaching That Changes Lives, and Bible Survey for Kids. Mike and his wife Carlynn have three children, Matthew, John and Stephanie.

Reviews

[Ashley Bacon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book contained helpful nuggets in every chapter; some of which I've already began to apply! I plan to return to this every year or two because I was throughly challenged and encouraged. Great book!

[Forrest · Rating 4 out of 5]

"The first human relationship to be created was between a husband and a wife. God did not create the parent-child relationship and then add a spouse to round out the household relationships. The marriage relationship was designed to be primary."

This is a book written by a pastor specifically for the Christian community utilizing Biblical teachings. It includes some great points on how to raise boys to be mature, responsible, and respectable men.

Here are some excellent points that stood out to me:

--If you are too busy for personal prayer or to pray as a family you are too busy

--Never make light of sin, or laugh about sinful behavior, particularly in the presence of your children. Doing so is making a mockery of Christ's atoning sacrifice.

--Read the Bible and attend church regularly as a family

--Your relationship with your spouse should come first, even before your children.

--Give them dominion over things. For example, give them dominion over how they organize their room. This will help them learn leadership skills.

I have some minor doctrinal disagreements with author, such as the his position that all children are born inherently sinful.  All children are born and remain pure in the eyes of the Lord. They are not born "fallen", and they are not "relationally alienated from the life of God" due to Adam's transgression.  Contrary to what the author states, children only have the propensity to commit sin once they have reached the age of accountability. Parents must be responsible for instructing them on the difference between right and wrong. Therefore, until then, their instinctive behavioral shortcomings are not "sinful" requiring repentance.

[Justin · Rating 3 out of 5]

While this book wasn't a homerun with me it had many good things to say. It's a relatively simple read but it's jam packed with advice, which felt overwhelming. There were a few parts of the book that just didn't click with me well. Nonetheless I appreciate the aim of this book, I'm encouraged by it, and I certainly want to shepherd my son to grow into being a Godly and mature man. This book would offer a good start for parents concerned with raising sons. Other books I suggest would be "Raising a Modern Day Knight" by Robert Lewis or "Bringing Up Boy's" by Dr. James Dobson.

[Jonna Ventura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about this one. Reading it as a mom of pre-teen and teen boys, at times the book felt very overwhelming and defeating and I found myself thinking I didn't do enough in the early years (things that were great biblical principles that I never even thought of!). I did take away some good truths that I've already started to implement but like a friend mentioned after reading this, I wish there was more than 1 chapter spent on the teen years. I'm giving it 4 stars so parents of younger boys will be encouraged to read this...I had many blind spots in raising my boys and this book was helpful in revealing them to me.

[Brandi Breezee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book! Wish there was more than 1 chapter dedicated to the teenage years even though the entire book is applicable.

[Shaun M. Hewlett · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a good read.

Nothing breathtaking but some practical advice found in the pages of this book. After reading quite a few parenting books with my wife over the years, I have come to agree with Carl Trueman, parenting is not textbook and can't be defined so simply as some books suggest. Every year a new parenting book comes out telling you the next best thing that parents should have been doing for the past several thousand years and we are only just finding them out now.

Again there is some solid and practical advice in this book, but one thing to remember is every child is different, and every geographical area will restrict or allow certain things. You need to do what is right for your specific family, again, raising kids is not "textbook".
That being said if you are struggling and really want someone to tell you where to start and some things you could do, this is a good book for that.

[Brandon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Biblical, practical, genuine

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Practical, biblical, and applicable to a wide range of audiences. I’d recommend this to anyone raising a son (my husband and I both read and appreciated it). There was nothing terribly profound or unusual, but there were so many helpful reminders of common sense things that are easy to forget when you’re in the thick of parenting. Also gave a good perspective on the “why” behind many of the things we were already doing. A few practical ideas I’d like to start implementing with my son:
- prayer list of his various friends & family members for him to pray through each morning.
- opportunities to sweat and work hard physically every day.
- handwritten letters to express gratitude and/or apology.
- talking about his future- normalizing “when you’re a husband/father…”
- filling out his own paperwork and forms at the doctor as soon as he can write legibly.

[Josiah Michaelson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t recall if he prefaced this or not. But towards the end he made reference to the fact that this book is written for Christians.

This is a great read. I love how laced the book is with scripture. This book can really help parents and future parents to clearly see how Godly men are to be raised.
I like how this shows the importance of marriage. Without the strong union parenting won’t work.

This is a growing problem throughout our society. Weak men. Weak parenting. Wimpy self centered people. Who are anxious at every chance they can get.
With a declining birth rate, us men of God need to pick up the mantle from fathers before. And fill the quiver, so that you can fire your sons off into this world.
Be fruitful and multiple.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a phenomenal read for Christian parents. I put it in the same must read category alongside Habits of the Household and M is for Mama. The book is rich with Scripture and practical action steps to implement immediately. Raising Men, Not Boys is a five star book for boy moms and dads.

Thank you Moody Publishers for a gifted copy of the book. All opinions expressed in this review are entirely my own.

[Tracy V · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book offers practical and very useful advice on raising boys to become men to be sacrificial leaders of their homes. I feel the incredible weight of raising my boys into Godly men and I am thankful to Mike Fabarez for sharing his wisdom in parenting that is based 100% on scripture.

[Zach Scheller · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nothing extraordinary, but from a Biblical worldview and sometimes you need a book that just helps you get re-aligned rather than something that is greatly profound.

[Austin Fry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some good practical advice. Will let you know in 20 years if it works

[Ryan Rench · Rating 2 out of 5]

I remember it being fine, but reviewing it a couple of months later and I've forgotten it. That's probably more on me than on the book, but that IS a way I sometimes judge a book—how much sticks with me after some time?

[Jenna Boyd · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wish I could give this 3.5 stars. It doesn’t really deserve 3 or 4 in my mind. The author and I have slightly different parenting styles, so I didn’t agree with some things he wrote. I also didn’t appreciate how he talked about children on a few different points. He wrote the book very matter-of-factly in most instances, seemingly implying that his ways are the only correct parenting ways. That rubbed me the wrong way. Where he used Scripture to support some of his choices, I feel like the same Scriptures could be interpreted differently and in support of an opposite view. All of that being said, I do think the underlying principles he suggested are solid! It stirred my desire to grow as a Christian and also as a Christian parent. It made me want to be more diligent in prayer for my spouse and I and for our boys. This is why I wish I could give 3.5 stars. I probably wouldn’t recommend this book to everyone, but I would be willing to quote it in some cases. Overall, pretty good, but go in realizing that you don’t have to do everything exactly as he says and even if you don’t, you can still be a parent who honors God in your parenting.

[Niki Shirkman · Rating 3 out of 5]

A generally good book with some helpful parenting insight. Most of the content I would say applies to raising both sons and daughters, but a few sections brought good things to think through about raising sons, especially to me as a mom that I didn't have to think of growing up. Some good overall principles and practical tips and questions to ask.

While there wasn't really anything I disagreed with in this book, it gets three stars for not being anything revolutionary and not being presented in a particularly appealing (to me) way. (This is also probably because I read a lot of parenting books so these are mostly topics I've already read about before.)

Fabarez isn't a very endearing author and often throughout the book uses words like "obviously, of course, clearly," which just feel belittling to the reader, in my opinion.

Overall a fine book, but not at the top of my list of recommendations for parenting books.

[Plan4theBoys · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was HEAVILY laced with Scripture to back up its points. Some might consider it overly traditional or even archaic in some of its advice, but I found it to be refreshing and honest. It tackled many of the "issues" specific to raising boys with clarity and authority (see my comment about Scripture). The only issue I wish he would have addressed is the issue of fighting and sibling rivalry. Highly recommended to anyone with boys.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book offered very good insight into what’s ahead in raising sons. It is essentially a guide to help to equip parents and encouraged thoughtful strategies that are all Biblically based. The author’s views are a bit specific and narrow, as the entire book is based on the methods he used in raising his own family, but I found it helpful and insightful nonetheless.

[Nissi · Rating 5 out of 5]

First of all, I should notice you all that I'm not a mom and I'm not even married yet 😅
Knowing that, I can say that I read this book with a different perspective. I started reading it thinking it would be for someone else but it ended up being for me. I saw it not only as a future wife and mother (God's will first), but as a current daughter.
There are many things in this book that if we begin to sow that in our actions and in our hearts, it will be much easier to teach our children.
I recently read a book of biographies of godly men and was surprised that most of the biographies began with the life of their parents: The life of the parents is the first and greatest influence of the children!

There were times when it overwhelmed me a little and I thought that I could never be a mother because there were many things that I think I could never fulfill. But just in those moments was when the author highlighted something extremely important for every parent and every son or daughter of God: He knows our children perfectly even when we don't. Our concerns must be spoken to the Lord on our knees, and we must trust that He will take care of the hearts and minds of them. We will never be perfect dads (like the dad who wrote the book) but seek to be those fathers who love the Lord more than all things, and give their children to the Lord because we know that in Him there is no better place to protect and guide them.

Looking for reading this book again when I can read it with another perspective.

[Abbey · Rating 4 out of 5]

1. Practical
2. Written with a biblical worldview
3. Incredibly easy to read
4. Encouragement from seasoned parents with successful “launches”

We know it’s proper to teach our young boys to clean up after themselves, but what scripture says about “taking dominion” can instantly bolster a seemingly mundane and wearisome task. This isn’t flashy or profound insight- especially if you’ve already embraced gender distinctions and the value/importance. Growing up as the only female in a “traditionally” male household- none of these distinctions were new. However, seeing the expectations and responsibilities (based in scripture) that ought to be placed on the young men of Christian homes wasn’t something I was raised in. I had previously read “Boys Adrift”- a secular book by a psychologist that was incredibly impactful and much in line with this book without the biblical foundation- it was encouraging to see what scripture stated about these differences and expectations that go beyond mere “gender roles”. If you struggle with the idea of boys and girls being raised differently or what that should look like on a practical level- this book will be a great guide.

I’d definitely recommend this to Christian parents with young boys though there’s specific application all the way up through adulthood. I’m glad to have read it and will most likely revisit every so often.

[Michael Hansen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful, Practical, Timely Resource for Training Young Men

This book is a must-have for every parent's toolkit! More than that, for anyone who interacts with the next generation of men. As a single guy with no kids, I have my own circle of influence with nephews, friends with special needs, and other young men I mentor. This biblically-based resource by Pastor Mike Fabarez has been a huge blessing of wisdom and practical advice, resulting from his experience of shepherding his boys and leading his family to know and glorify God.

I was blessed to be part of the launch team and hear Mike's heart behind this project via Facebook Live and other social media posts. This is a powerful, practical, timely resource that offers hope and change in a culture that pushes boys to immaturity, irresponsibility, distraction, overt sexualization, and empty promises of satisfaction and happiness. Parents and leaders, now is the time to shepherd boys impacted by your influence to become men.

[Jessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very helpful book on parenting that focuses on the unique set of challenges of raising boys to be men. I was very impressed by how many pragmatic applications the author shared. It’s tough to find theologically solid parenting books that offer real world solutions and ideas rooted in getting to the heart of your child. Christian parenting books often leave me still wondering how to apply biblical wisdom practically to my children on a day to day basis. I also appreciated the authors humility in sharing his own parenting endeavors. I plan to come back to this book periodically and would recommend to all.

[Nicholas Fox · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is jam-packed with advice. This is a good thing, but it quickly became hard to follow all the author’s thoughts. There were many examples of what he did for his sons as they grew up and how it worked out for them and that is exactly how you should do it too as you raise your sons. There is merit in that, but the book felt rigid at points. All in all, I liked the book for the most part, but not the first book I’d recommend on this topic.

[Erica · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5🌟
Biblically based and very practical. I would say this book's focus is more on the young to middle school years although there is a chapter on the teenage years as well. Each chapter focused on a different element that we as parents should be teaching, and implementing into our sons lives. There were chapters on having a Bible saturated home, time management, how they relate to females, discipline,money, etc. I'll definitely be revisiting this one.

[Emily Douglas · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a mom of a toddler boy, this book was extremely helpful and practical. There was not a topic unturned and I loved Mike's "to the point" style of writing. It's interesting to me that people have been critical about his writing style being condescending or belittling, I actually appreciated the "male tone" and felt like it helped me understand the male brain a lot more.

Like any parenting book, there are too many things to apply at once, but I plan to go back and read this again and again as my husband and I grow into new seasons with our son. Fantastic resource.

[Eric Durso · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like how practical it is.

[Brian Walsh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful wisdom that I now plan to apply with my wife for my boys.

[Bethany Fader · Rating 4 out of 5]

I used to always recommend Dobson's "Bringing up Boys" to boy moms but I think I like this one more. He can seem a little idealistic at times but just like all parenting books, you can take what you like and fits you.

[Michael · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a practical book on raising boys from a christian perspective. I had thought it was going to be a book of big picture ideas to think about from a biblical perspective, but it was more of the author explaining how he and his wife raised their children. I enjoyed his explanations and will adopt some of his strategies, but during some parts of the book, I just didn't care.

There was two chapters I liked a lot: Make Him Sweat Everyday and Raising Men in a World Half-Full of Women. I think in our day and age it is easy to keep our boys all pent up and not think about doing something about their energy. The author gave several good practical ways to help our boys with releasing that energy in good healthy ways. I also liked his explanation about how to talk to your boys about girls, women, marriage, sex, dating, and chivalry. These were practical things that I have wondered about as my son gets closer to the age of puberty.

[Alaina · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was hard for me to rate this book. Theologically I agree with almost everything he talks about. So for that I would give it 4 stars. Tone of book (or maybe just seemed this way from audio book readers voice?!) I would give it 2.5 stars to 3. I could see how this book would be discouraging or condemning sounding if you don't do things this particular way. If the parent grew up in a quality and healthy Christian home with both parents this book might seem 'normal'. But for those first generation Believers who want to raise their sons in a different way than their parents raised them- this might be a LOT to take in. Remember this: one change for good is better than no change- so don't get overwhelmed- know God is helping you in this parenting endeavor and you are not alone. This book is full of practical advice, but maybe read it slowly and not the audio version. 😅