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How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You’re an Adult: A Path to Authenticity and Awakening
As children, we learned to get approval by creating facades to help us get our emotional and psychological needs met, but we also rebelled against authority as a way of individuating. As adults, these conflicting desires leave many of us feeling anxious or depressed because our authentic selves are buried deep beneath glitzy or rebellious exteriors or some combination thereof. In this provocative book, eclectic teacher and therapist Ira Israel offers a powerful, comprehensive, step-by-step path to recognizing the ways of being that we created as children and transcending them with compassion and acceptance. By doing so, we discover our true callings and cultivate the authentic love we were born deserving.
208 pages, Paperback
Published November 7, 2017
54 people are currently reading
1010 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
April 23, 2019
I must admit to being a wee bit disappointed with it. I wonder who he thinks his audience is? It certainly didn’t feel like me. Maybe some slightly unhappy moderately financially successful Californian .
I was alarmed by his take on depression, seeming to suggest its “all” about relationships, ignoring any biological basis. I’ve maybe misread him but his quest for “authenticity” rings rather hollow.
I understand the development of patterns of behaviour through reactions based on childhood attitudes , either building on or avoiding one’s perceptions of the parents, and also understand “you can’t change the past”, but he seems to want to avoid the past completely. He obviously sees himself as a very “now” kind of guy. He doesn’t seem to have much problem with the unexamined life.
For such a slim tome, and for one that is written by this “in the present” man it was remarkable for the amount of times he would tell you “I’ll cover this in chapter 6,....7....8...etc only to get to the last two chapters to be hit with “as I said in chapter 2....” etc.
He seems to be anywhere except the Now
Yes there are good things here, but badly covered, expostulated.
On his chapter on Romantic love he jumps from a precept which I’m not convinced he practices
“Be committed to being vulnerable-risky is risqué” (god, his attempts at humour!)
to something I wish he’d spent some time on in the chapter
“For theists, create the spiritual space you need to be spiritually open to connecting with and being intimate with a fellow human being( and open to letting what is divine in you touch whatever is divine in your partner)(italics mine)
A good thing about the book was the quotes he used were generally interesting and pointers to follow up on further reading. Ari’s own writing style left me flat however
And just one more thing. His ability to let go of the past by forgiving the driver who “nearly killed me” so much so that he refers to the incident at least twice, I imagine he brings it up in his practice fairly regularly, but in the cursory way it’s covered here I don’t feel the forgiveness only the reporting of “look what I’ve done” but maybe I’m just projecting!
I’m not sure what his other books are like, but this one comes across as stylistically flat, unnecessarily repetitive for such a small book, I find his personality comes across as rather glib and his humour misses the mark, yet there is basic good sense in the book crying to get out.
If the book was a parent though it would be the one I reacted against!
I was alarmed by his take on depression, seeming to suggest its “all” about relationships, ignoring any biological basis. I’ve maybe misread him but his quest for “authenticity” rings rather hollow.
I understand the development of patterns of behaviour through reactions based on childhood attitudes , either building on or avoiding one’s perceptions of the parents, and also understand “you can’t change the past”, but he seems to want to avoid the past completely. He obviously sees himself as a very “now” kind of guy. He doesn’t seem to have much problem with the unexamined life.
For such a slim tome, and for one that is written by this “in the present” man it was remarkable for the amount of times he would tell you “I’ll cover this in chapter 6,....7....8...etc only to get to the last two chapters to be hit with “as I said in chapter 2....” etc.
He seems to be anywhere except the Now
Yes there are good things here, but badly covered, expostulated.
On his chapter on Romantic love he jumps from a precept which I’m not convinced he practices
“Be committed to being vulnerable-risky is risqué” (god, his attempts at humour!)
to something I wish he’d spent some time on in the chapter
“For theists, create the spiritual space you need to be spiritually open to connecting with and being intimate with a fellow human being( and open to letting what is divine in you touch whatever is divine in your partner)(italics mine)
A good thing about the book was the quotes he used were generally interesting and pointers to follow up on further reading. Ari’s own writing style left me flat however
And just one more thing. His ability to let go of the past by forgiving the driver who “nearly killed me” so much so that he refers to the incident at least twice, I imagine he brings it up in his practice fairly regularly, but in the cursory way it’s covered here I don’t feel the forgiveness only the reporting of “look what I’ve done” but maybe I’m just projecting!
I’m not sure what his other books are like, but this one comes across as stylistically flat, unnecessarily repetitive for such a small book, I find his personality comes across as rather glib and his humour misses the mark, yet there is basic good sense in the book crying to get out.
If the book was a parent though it would be the one I reacted against!
September 8, 2019
Here is all you need to know about this book - "For example, if we do not want people to objectify us sexually, then we should not dress sexily..."
January 13, 2023
It isn't poorly written, quite well written in fact. There is simply stale information presented and very few new ideas or even old ideas presented in new ways. A lot of it is a presentation of basic Buddhism and feel-good psychology, neither of which are necessarily invalid, but I can buy many other books just like this.
November 18, 2021
The first part seemed really interesting. After about halfway through with no bad words, f-bombs all over the place. The content towards the end didn't sit quite right as I have different beliefs although I listened to it with an open mind. Still, I think there is something to be said about forgiveness and being mindful about living in the present. I gave it both a thumbs up and thumbs down on Libby Library, which on here seems to add up to two stars.
October 17, 2017
Endorsements:
“Ira Israel speaks with wisdom and power about the central psychological issues of our day. His voice is a gift to all who are seeking to find their way.”
— Marianne Williamson
“Successfully challenges the authenticity of all our assumed realities, our twenty-first-century addictions, distractions, and compulsions, in language that is elegant, simple, and refreshingly modern. A great read.”
— Sting
“Speaks to us all at a level of wisdom and compassion that leads to authenticity, joy, and freedom. I cannot recommend it highly enough.”
— Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith, founder of Agape International Spiritual Center
“A helpful blend of psychology East and West, a subject that is dear to my own heart.”
— Jack Kornfield, PhD, author of A Path with Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life and founder of Spirit Rock Center
“Weaves together the wisdom of reflection, the beauty of art, and the rigor of clinical practice. The wealth of ideas and practices in this illuminating work will benefit all of us welcoming a new way of perceiving that has the power to transform our individual and collective lives.”
— Shauna L. Shapiro, PhD, coauthor of The Art and Science of Mindfulness: Integrating Mindfulness Into Psychology and the Helping Professions
“Culling from his extensive background in philosophy, psychology, and Buddhism, Ira Israel offers a unique perspective into what we consider to be normal and provokes us to inquire into how we can be more authentic and create a more compassionate, more just, and healthier society.”
— Daniel Pinchbeck, author of Breaking Open the Head: A Psychedelic Journey Into the Heart of Contemporary Shamanism
“Ira Israel rips open his brilliant heart/mind and gives us a glimpse of the human condition and how to respond wisely to the often difficult and confusing realities we face.”
— Noah Levine, author of Dharma Punx: A Memoir
“Witty, engaging, and wise.”
— Helen Fielding, author of Bridget Jones's Diary
“Ira Israel is one of the most creative thinkers I know. With his insight, combined with his deeply compassionate heart, Ira hits it out of the park!”
— Jai Uttal
“With mastery and wit, Ira Israel challenges us to make a journey from the identity we constructed to protect us as children to authentic adults living a creative, meaningful, and joyful life.”
— Allan Hunt Badiner, editor of Zig Zag Zen: Buddhism and Psychedelics and Mindfulness in the Marketplace: Compassionate Responses to Consumerism
“As a yoga teacher of thirty-seven years, whose chronological age (almost seventy) belies his emotional age (on the best of days about thirteen), I found Ira Israel’s book enormously helpful in suggesting a number of simple ways that I might finally learn to act my actual age. I especially enjoyed his take on dharma and our proper place in the grand scheme of things, which is perhaps the most lucid I’ve ever encountered on that difficult subject.”
— Richard Rosen, author of Yoga FAQ: Almost Everything You Need to Know About Yoga-from Asanas to Yamas and The Yoga of Breath: A Step-by-Step Guide to Pranayama
“Ira Israel shares his wealth of knowledge to help us better understand ourselves, our behaviors, and most importantly the tools to live fully, happily, and authentically. This book is a gift.”
— Zippora Karz, author of The Sugarless Plum and former New York City Ballet soloist
“Ira Israel is a modern-day prophet — an amazing teacher, thinker, and leader whose work seamlessly combines philosophy, spirituality, and psychology. Read this book and be transformed.”
— Rabbi Joshua Buchin
“Chock-full of valuable wisdom that will benefit just about any reader who has ever struggled with issues of approval, which probably includes about 98 percent of the population. I recommend it highly!”
— Linda Bloom, LCSW, coauthor of 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last
“Ira Israel has discovered the way to be fully mature and keep a childlike sense of wonder.”
— Sam Keen, author of Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man
“We all want to be strong adults, yet at the same time, deep down, we want to be taken care of. Reconciling this is the task, and this book is up to the task. I highly recommend it.”
— Dr. Adam Sheck, director of Los Angeles Counseling Center
“A helpful guide for the treatment of stress, anxiety, and depression stemming from painful childhood events. Ira Israel’s unique and progressive vision will help people overcome afflictions and addictions so that they may live healthier, more authentic, and successful lives.”
— Shannon Byrnes, licensed marriage and family therapist
“With this comprehensive and engaging book, Ira Israel stations himself on the cutting edge where modern psychology meets authentic spirituality. . . . Illuminating and transformational.”
— Philip Goldberg, author of American Veda: From Emerson and the Beatles to Yoga and Meditation How Indian Spirituality Changed the West and Roadsigns on the Spiritual Path: Living at the Heart of Paradox
“Ira Israel has given us a tremendous gift in his new book! His wisdom, clarity, and insight permeate seamlessly through the pages in service to us all living in a greater landscape of joy and truth. A must-read for all truth seekers on the path.”
— Govind Das
“A practical guide to identifying the impact you’re allowing your childhood wounds to have on yourself and your relationships in business and in life.”
— Kenneth Borg, CEO of The Social Life
“Prepare to shake up your psyche with How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You’re an Adult. What author Ira Israel offers is an energizing breath of fresh air for those whose childhoods have left them dulled and sleepwalking through life. This book will help you overcome fears and jump with both feet into the authentic self that is waiting for you!”
— Donald Altman, America’s Mindfulness Coach and bestselling author of Clearing Emotional Clutter: Mindfulness Practices for Letting Go of What's Blocking Your Fulfillment and Transformation and One-Minute Mindfulness: 50 Simple Ways to Find Peace, Clarity, and New Possibilities in a Stressed-Out World
“Ira Israel is a brilliant author. His book has us examine ourselves and our cultural paradigm through the lens of psychology and spirituality. He gives us tools to find our authentic selves. I highly recommend this book.”
— Denise Wiesner, LAc, author of The Conception of Love
“Ira Israel is a deep thinker, always researching and pondering the human condition, and such a good writer that the heady musings in How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You’re an Adult are presented in a thoroughly entertaining fashion (that may also help the inquiring reader put some of the world’s craziness into better focus). A joy to read.”
— Gill Holland, producer
“Ira Israel is a brilliant, progressive teacher who draws upon philosophical and psychological teachings from Buddhism and Hinduism as well as Western psychology and thought in order to find the lessons we need to learn today to embody authenticity and experience true happiness. This book is the guide we have all been looking for to navigate the complexities of the mind in the modern world.”
— Felicia Tomasko, editor in chief of LA Yoga and Boston Yoga magazines
“If you are looking for new ways to see old problems, I recommend this book.”
— Geeta Novotny, award-winning vocalist and creator of Revolution Voice™
“If there is one thing you will learn from Ira Israel’s inspiring and transformative book it is that you are your own agent of change and you can achieve an authentic life. It may be hard work to find your path and stay on it, but finding out who you must be and being that person (‘mitigating hypocrisy,’ as he says) is your best shot at lasting happiness.”
— Emmanuel Itier, director
“An engaging and thoughtful book. Integrating psychology, philosophy, meditation, and common sense with discernment, Ira Israel guides the reader skillfully to authenticity and happiness.”
— Fred Luskin, PhD, author of Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness
“A masterful and most relevant book for our times. Highly recommended!”
— Larry Payne, PhD, founding director of Yoga Therapy Rx™ and coauthor of Yoga for Dummies
“Ira Israel’s psychological insights into the causes of depression and anxiety are staggering, and his writing is poignant and provocative. I’m going to recommend this book to many patients.”
— Jenny Pascal, licensed marriage and family therapist
“A great read to provide you with a new view for forging a more expansive future and allowing you to let go of the past.”
— Ronald Alexander, PhD, author Wise Mind, Open Mind: Finding Purpose and Meaning in Times of Crisis, Loss, and Change and executive director of Open Mind Training Institute
“Ira Israel shows us the steps in experiencing the truth of who and what we are. I highly recommend this book as a guide to authenticity and well-being.”
— Elliott Dacher, MD, author of Aware, Awake, Alive: A Contemporary Guide to the Ancient Science of Integral Health and Human Flourishing
“This fiercely compassionate book offers us a deep excavation to exhume the authentic self, experience the authentic relationship, and break the chain of suffering in our toxic society.”
— Julie J. Morley, environmental educator and author of Spirit Walk and Sacred Future
“Ira Israel’s courageous, iconic, and riveting new book takes on the status quo: it illuminates our society’s extremely narrow bandwidth for emotions. He helps the reader realize the power of the loving and genuine relationships that enable access to the true self. This is a very brave book by someone with an eagle eye and an open and tremendous heart.”
— Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, author of Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief and founder of MISS Foundation
“Ira Israel is a powerhouse of insight and guidance!”
— Dr. Janeane Bernstein, EdD, host of Get the Funk Out!
“One of the lies being perpetuated in the name of meditation is that you need to be submissive and spiritual in order to practice. In other words, develop a false self and meditate as that. The truth is the opposite: be your naturally defiant and wild self, and discover the serenity in being real. Ira Israel is challenging a whole army of these crippling, imprisoning assumptions that people are being told to impose upon themselves.”
— Lorin Roche, PhD, author of The Radiance Sutras
“Ira Israel draws upon a broad and deep array of knowledge to brilliantly expand the paradigm of mindfulness by making us conscious of everything we absorb unconsciously in culture. Few thinkers give us more tools to guide us through the minefield preceding personal empowerment than Ira.”
— Warren Farrell, PhD, author of The Myth of Male Power
“Ira Israel speaks with wisdom and power about the central psychological issues of our day. His voice is a gift to all who are seeking to find their way.”
— Marianne Williamson
“Successfully challenges the authenticity of all our assumed realities, our twenty-first-century addictions, distractions, and compulsions, in language that is elegant, simple, and refreshingly modern. A great read.”
— Sting
“Speaks to us all at a level of wisdom and compassion that leads to authenticity, joy, and freedom. I cannot recommend it highly enough.”
— Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith, founder of Agape International Spiritual Center
“A helpful blend of psychology East and West, a subject that is dear to my own heart.”
— Jack Kornfield, PhD, author of A Path with Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life and founder of Spirit Rock Center
“Weaves together the wisdom of reflection, the beauty of art, and the rigor of clinical practice. The wealth of ideas and practices in this illuminating work will benefit all of us welcoming a new way of perceiving that has the power to transform our individual and collective lives.”
— Shauna L. Shapiro, PhD, coauthor of The Art and Science of Mindfulness: Integrating Mindfulness Into Psychology and the Helping Professions
“Culling from his extensive background in philosophy, psychology, and Buddhism, Ira Israel offers a unique perspective into what we consider to be normal and provokes us to inquire into how we can be more authentic and create a more compassionate, more just, and healthier society.”
— Daniel Pinchbeck, author of Breaking Open the Head: A Psychedelic Journey Into the Heart of Contemporary Shamanism
“Ira Israel rips open his brilliant heart/mind and gives us a glimpse of the human condition and how to respond wisely to the often difficult and confusing realities we face.”
— Noah Levine, author of Dharma Punx: A Memoir
“Witty, engaging, and wise.”
— Helen Fielding, author of Bridget Jones's Diary
“Ira Israel is one of the most creative thinkers I know. With his insight, combined with his deeply compassionate heart, Ira hits it out of the park!”
— Jai Uttal
“With mastery and wit, Ira Israel challenges us to make a journey from the identity we constructed to protect us as children to authentic adults living a creative, meaningful, and joyful life.”
— Allan Hunt Badiner, editor of Zig Zag Zen: Buddhism and Psychedelics and Mindfulness in the Marketplace: Compassionate Responses to Consumerism
“As a yoga teacher of thirty-seven years, whose chronological age (almost seventy) belies his emotional age (on the best of days about thirteen), I found Ira Israel’s book enormously helpful in suggesting a number of simple ways that I might finally learn to act my actual age. I especially enjoyed his take on dharma and our proper place in the grand scheme of things, which is perhaps the most lucid I’ve ever encountered on that difficult subject.”
— Richard Rosen, author of Yoga FAQ: Almost Everything You Need to Know About Yoga-from Asanas to Yamas and The Yoga of Breath: A Step-by-Step Guide to Pranayama
“Ira Israel shares his wealth of knowledge to help us better understand ourselves, our behaviors, and most importantly the tools to live fully, happily, and authentically. This book is a gift.”
— Zippora Karz, author of The Sugarless Plum and former New York City Ballet soloist
“Ira Israel is a modern-day prophet — an amazing teacher, thinker, and leader whose work seamlessly combines philosophy, spirituality, and psychology. Read this book and be transformed.”
— Rabbi Joshua Buchin
“Chock-full of valuable wisdom that will benefit just about any reader who has ever struggled with issues of approval, which probably includes about 98 percent of the population. I recommend it highly!”
— Linda Bloom, LCSW, coauthor of 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last
“Ira Israel has discovered the way to be fully mature and keep a childlike sense of wonder.”
— Sam Keen, author of Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man
“We all want to be strong adults, yet at the same time, deep down, we want to be taken care of. Reconciling this is the task, and this book is up to the task. I highly recommend it.”
— Dr. Adam Sheck, director of Los Angeles Counseling Center
“A helpful guide for the treatment of stress, anxiety, and depression stemming from painful childhood events. Ira Israel’s unique and progressive vision will help people overcome afflictions and addictions so that they may live healthier, more authentic, and successful lives.”
— Shannon Byrnes, licensed marriage and family therapist
“With this comprehensive and engaging book, Ira Israel stations himself on the cutting edge where modern psychology meets authentic spirituality. . . . Illuminating and transformational.”
— Philip Goldberg, author of American Veda: From Emerson and the Beatles to Yoga and Meditation How Indian Spirituality Changed the West and Roadsigns on the Spiritual Path: Living at the Heart of Paradox
“Ira Israel has given us a tremendous gift in his new book! His wisdom, clarity, and insight permeate seamlessly through the pages in service to us all living in a greater landscape of joy and truth. A must-read for all truth seekers on the path.”
— Govind Das
“A practical guide to identifying the impact you’re allowing your childhood wounds to have on yourself and your relationships in business and in life.”
— Kenneth Borg, CEO of The Social Life
“Prepare to shake up your psyche with How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You’re an Adult. What author Ira Israel offers is an energizing breath of fresh air for those whose childhoods have left them dulled and sleepwalking through life. This book will help you overcome fears and jump with both feet into the authentic self that is waiting for you!”
— Donald Altman, America’s Mindfulness Coach and bestselling author of Clearing Emotional Clutter: Mindfulness Practices for Letting Go of What's Blocking Your Fulfillment and Transformation and One-Minute Mindfulness: 50 Simple Ways to Find Peace, Clarity, and New Possibilities in a Stressed-Out World
“Ira Israel is a brilliant author. His book has us examine ourselves and our cultural paradigm through the lens of psychology and spirituality. He gives us tools to find our authentic selves. I highly recommend this book.”
— Denise Wiesner, LAc, author of The Conception of Love
“Ira Israel is a deep thinker, always researching and pondering the human condition, and such a good writer that the heady musings in How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You’re an Adult are presented in a thoroughly entertaining fashion (that may also help the inquiring reader put some of the world’s craziness into better focus). A joy to read.”
— Gill Holland, producer
“Ira Israel is a brilliant, progressive teacher who draws upon philosophical and psychological teachings from Buddhism and Hinduism as well as Western psychology and thought in order to find the lessons we need to learn today to embody authenticity and experience true happiness. This book is the guide we have all been looking for to navigate the complexities of the mind in the modern world.”
— Felicia Tomasko, editor in chief of LA Yoga and Boston Yoga magazines
“If you are looking for new ways to see old problems, I recommend this book.”
— Geeta Novotny, award-winning vocalist and creator of Revolution Voice™
“If there is one thing you will learn from Ira Israel’s inspiring and transformative book it is that you are your own agent of change and you can achieve an authentic life. It may be hard work to find your path and stay on it, but finding out who you must be and being that person (‘mitigating hypocrisy,’ as he says) is your best shot at lasting happiness.”
— Emmanuel Itier, director
“An engaging and thoughtful book. Integrating psychology, philosophy, meditation, and common sense with discernment, Ira Israel guides the reader skillfully to authenticity and happiness.”
— Fred Luskin, PhD, author of Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness
“A masterful and most relevant book for our times. Highly recommended!”
— Larry Payne, PhD, founding director of Yoga Therapy Rx™ and coauthor of Yoga for Dummies
“Ira Israel’s psychological insights into the causes of depression and anxiety are staggering, and his writing is poignant and provocative. I’m going to recommend this book to many patients.”
— Jenny Pascal, licensed marriage and family therapist
“A great read to provide you with a new view for forging a more expansive future and allowing you to let go of the past.”
— Ronald Alexander, PhD, author Wise Mind, Open Mind: Finding Purpose and Meaning in Times of Crisis, Loss, and Change and executive director of Open Mind Training Institute
“Ira Israel shows us the steps in experiencing the truth of who and what we are. I highly recommend this book as a guide to authenticity and well-being.”
— Elliott Dacher, MD, author of Aware, Awake, Alive: A Contemporary Guide to the Ancient Science of Integral Health and Human Flourishing
“This fiercely compassionate book offers us a deep excavation to exhume the authentic self, experience the authentic relationship, and break the chain of suffering in our toxic society.”
— Julie J. Morley, environmental educator and author of Spirit Walk and Sacred Future
“Ira Israel’s courageous, iconic, and riveting new book takes on the status quo: it illuminates our society’s extremely narrow bandwidth for emotions. He helps the reader realize the power of the loving and genuine relationships that enable access to the true self. This is a very brave book by someone with an eagle eye and an open and tremendous heart.”
— Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, author of Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief and founder of MISS Foundation
“Ira Israel is a powerhouse of insight and guidance!”
— Dr. Janeane Bernstein, EdD, host of Get the Funk Out!
“One of the lies being perpetuated in the name of meditation is that you need to be submissive and spiritual in order to practice. In other words, develop a false self and meditate as that. The truth is the opposite: be your naturally defiant and wild self, and discover the serenity in being real. Ira Israel is challenging a whole army of these crippling, imprisoning assumptions that people are being told to impose upon themselves.”
— Lorin Roche, PhD, author of The Radiance Sutras
“Ira Israel draws upon a broad and deep array of knowledge to brilliantly expand the paradigm of mindfulness by making us conscious of everything we absorb unconsciously in culture. Few thinkers give us more tools to guide us through the minefield preceding personal empowerment than Ira.”
— Warren Farrell, PhD, author of The Myth of Male Power
June 8, 2023
„Happiness cannot be pursued. You do not find happiness; happiness finds you. It is not an end in itself, but a by-product of other activities, often arriving when it is least expected.“
This was good.
This was good.
January 14, 2018
Was drawn to the book by its title. I was kind of expecting more evidence or science to back up what is said in the book. But it was mostly a compilation of advice given directly by Ira and from his experience. Unfortunately, I felt like I was left high and dry. It surprises me to realise that I've learned more about being authentic from Mark Manson's 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a f***' than this.
The main takeaways from this book for me were: resentment [for the past] that we hold onto as adults will prevent us from living our true selves; some of us will become/be like our caregivers as a way to seek approval, while others will go the opposite direction as a way to assert ourselves. Either way, looking deeper inside ourselves, we might see that neither are a true representation of our authentic selves.
Agreeing with another reviewer, the book started off with great promise and goes off trail midway. I might revisit this in future.
The main takeaways from this book for me were: resentment [for the past] that we hold onto as adults will prevent us from living our true selves; some of us will become/be like our caregivers as a way to seek approval, while others will go the opposite direction as a way to assert ourselves. Either way, looking deeper inside ourselves, we might see that neither are a true representation of our authentic selves.
Agreeing with another reviewer, the book started off with great promise and goes off trail midway. I might revisit this in future.
June 23, 2025
it's short enough to be not boring and diverse enough to be interesting. the chapter length let's you not feel overwhelmed and take time to read at least one chapter in your break because you know you can make it. the content is fascinating and he talks about different aspects where surely everyone can find something to relate to and he gives input for other books to read About the topic if you wanted to read more about it. it was a really good selection of areas to cover and I learned a lot was an easy read even for someone with adhd and dyslexia. definitely recommend
August 30, 2024
While at first, listen this person sounds like they know what they are talking about. When you really pay attention, you see they are saying the most random and at times harmful things. I didn't like this book at all.
The part where he is talking about how harmful texting can be at first makes sense, but then he starts telling you that in a conversation you should model what the person speaking is saying and also their breathing and their facial expressions. How the heck are you supposed to do all of that while also actually hearing and paying attention to what that person is saying?
I'm glad this was a short read, and I didn't waste too much of my time.
The part where he is talking about how harmful texting can be at first makes sense, but then he starts telling you that in a conversation you should model what the person speaking is saying and also their breathing and their facial expressions. How the heck are you supposed to do all of that while also actually hearing and paying attention to what that person is saying?
I'm glad this was a short read, and I didn't waste too much of my time.
June 7, 2018
Very a-scientific approach...
September 11, 2019
Absolutely, do not recommend!!
January 9, 2021
I was disappointed in this book. It seemed very opinion based versus being helpful. It also jumped around a lot. I didn't really glean anything life shattering or super helpful from this book.
July 13, 2021
Unfortunately, I purchased this book.
December 14, 2023
In his insightful book, "How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You're an Adult: A Path to Authenticity and Awakening," Ira Israel guides readers through a transformative journey to heal from the wounds of their childhood and embrace a life of authenticity and fulfillment. He delves into the intricate ways childhood experiences shape our adult lives, highlighting how our coping mechanisms, formed in early years, can hinder our growth and happiness in the present.
Recognizing Childhood Patterns and Defence Mechanisms
Israel emphasizes the importance of acknowledging the patterns and defence mechanisms we developed as children to cope with various challenges and unmet needs. These strategies, though effective for survival in childhood, can become limiting and dysfunctional in adulthood, preventing us from fully expressing our authentic selves and pursuing our full potential.
Embracing Emotional Awareness and Processing Pain
Israel urges readers to cultivate emotional awareness and engage in a process of processing their childhood pain, allowing them to release suppressed emotions and heal from the wounds of the past. This process involves acknowledging and accepting these emotions without judgment, allowing them to flow through and be released rather than being suppressed or denied.
Challenging Negative Self-Beliefs and Self-Worth
Israel identifies the negative self-beliefs and low self-worth that often stem from childhood experiences. He encourages readers to challenge these limiting beliefs and cultivate a more positive and compassionate inner dialogue. This involves accepting and appreciating oneself for who they are, flaws and all, and recognizing their inherent worth and value.
Nurturing Self-Love and Authentic Expression
Israel emphasizes the importance of cultivating self-love and compassion, allowing oneself to experience joy, fulfilment, and personal growth. This involves honouring one's true desires and aspirations, expressing their authentic self without fear of judgment, and making choices that align with their values.
Healing Relationships and Creating Healthy Connections
Israel recognizes the impact of childhood experiences on our adult relationships, often leading to repeating patterns of dysfunctional interactions. He guides readers towards healing their relationships with their inner child and establishing healthier connections with others based on mutual respect, empathy, and authenticity.
Embrace Authenticity and True Calling
Israel encourages readers to embrace their authenticity, shedding the masks and facades they created to survive in childhood. This involves aligning their actions and choices with their true values, passions, and calling. By staying true to themselves, they can create a life that is meaningful and fulfilling.
Recognizing Childhood Patterns and Defence Mechanisms
Israel emphasizes the importance of acknowledging the patterns and defence mechanisms we developed as children to cope with various challenges and unmet needs. These strategies, though effective for survival in childhood, can become limiting and dysfunctional in adulthood, preventing us from fully expressing our authentic selves and pursuing our full potential.
Embracing Emotional Awareness and Processing Pain
Israel urges readers to cultivate emotional awareness and engage in a process of processing their childhood pain, allowing them to release suppressed emotions and heal from the wounds of the past. This process involves acknowledging and accepting these emotions without judgment, allowing them to flow through and be released rather than being suppressed or denied.
Challenging Negative Self-Beliefs and Self-Worth
Israel identifies the negative self-beliefs and low self-worth that often stem from childhood experiences. He encourages readers to challenge these limiting beliefs and cultivate a more positive and compassionate inner dialogue. This involves accepting and appreciating oneself for who they are, flaws and all, and recognizing their inherent worth and value.
Nurturing Self-Love and Authentic Expression
Israel emphasizes the importance of cultivating self-love and compassion, allowing oneself to experience joy, fulfilment, and personal growth. This involves honouring one's true desires and aspirations, expressing their authentic self without fear of judgment, and making choices that align with their values.
Healing Relationships and Creating Healthy Connections
Israel recognizes the impact of childhood experiences on our adult relationships, often leading to repeating patterns of dysfunctional interactions. He guides readers towards healing their relationships with their inner child and establishing healthier connections with others based on mutual respect, empathy, and authenticity.
Embrace Authenticity and True Calling
Israel encourages readers to embrace their authenticity, shedding the masks and facades they created to survive in childhood. This involves aligning their actions and choices with their true values, passions, and calling. By staying true to themselves, they can create a life that is meaningful and fulfilling.
January 2, 2025
"How to Survive Your Childhood Now That You're an Adult" by Ira Israel was a complete disappointment. The whole book is just a jumble of unscientific, and borderline racist, opinions of the author.
For instance, the author advises that you should "spend time with the DSM and comb through the fascinating afflictions and disorders that plague people in first-world countries, such as shaky leg syndrome and ADHD (have you met anyone who does not have ADHD?)". Just this question made me understand the author doesn't know what he's talking about and that the book he wrote has nothing to teach me. I work with people who have ADHD, and I can tell you that if you can ask "have you met anyone who does not have ADHD?", then it means you never met anyone who does.
A few pages later, the author doubles down by claiming that "a ten-year-old boy in Papua New Guinea anxiously searching for coconuts so that his family can eat that day probably should not be given a diagnosis of ADHD." Are we not past perpetuating the harmful stereotype that children from non-Western cultures are less capable of being diagnosed with ADHD (or other psychological conditions) because their lives are simpler and more primitive? Papua New Guinea is home to a rich diversity of cultures, languages, and ways of life; people have diverse diets that are based on agriculture, hunting, fishing, and trade. This particular example, clearly rooted in ignorance, does nothing but reinforce the stereotype about people in developing countries being "backward" or "less developed," which is a common trope in certain forms of Western discourse.
Overall, not a book I could recommend to anyone.
For instance, the author advises that you should "spend time with the DSM and comb through the fascinating afflictions and disorders that plague people in first-world countries, such as shaky leg syndrome and ADHD (have you met anyone who does not have ADHD?)". Just this question made me understand the author doesn't know what he's talking about and that the book he wrote has nothing to teach me. I work with people who have ADHD, and I can tell you that if you can ask "have you met anyone who does not have ADHD?", then it means you never met anyone who does.
A few pages later, the author doubles down by claiming that "a ten-year-old boy in Papua New Guinea anxiously searching for coconuts so that his family can eat that day probably should not be given a diagnosis of ADHD." Are we not past perpetuating the harmful stereotype that children from non-Western cultures are less capable of being diagnosed with ADHD (or other psychological conditions) because their lives are simpler and more primitive? Papua New Guinea is home to a rich diversity of cultures, languages, and ways of life; people have diverse diets that are based on agriculture, hunting, fishing, and trade. This particular example, clearly rooted in ignorance, does nothing but reinforce the stereotype about people in developing countries being "backward" or "less developed," which is a common trope in certain forms of Western discourse.
Overall, not a book I could recommend to anyone.
November 2, 2023
I really enjoyed this book. It was really able to push through a lot of pre concieved notions. If you are expecting a book that pats you on the head and says "its okay, its all your parents fault so be angry at them" Id try a different book. This book more says that, yes, the way you were raised caused some of your issues, but the resentments you are holding are hurting nobody but yourself. It teaches you about fixing yourself now, not in some perfect future, the words "I will be happy when...." are very strongly discouraged. The general theme is that you are responsible for your own happiness, there are people in a lot worse situations than us that are happier so what we have to do is ask ourselves where we are going wrong.
TW: ||Casual talk of self harm, Suicide, brief talk of abuse.||
TW: ||Casual talk of self harm, Suicide, brief talk of abuse.||
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 7, 2019
I was interested in the title and intrigued by the beginning. However, I feel that his theories are reaching, his topics are all over the place and go far beyond the subject of the book, and continually go back to his personally bias. Through the book the exact same sentences are used several times, as if the author had a few good thoughts and couldn't move beyond them, so he needed to use them many many times to get enough credit for them. I will not read this, again. It was beyond disappointing, and a waste of my time. I finished it, though. I don't like leaving books unfinished.
April 6, 2020
While the content of the book is very good. It somehow does not seem to hit home precisely. A lot of the recommendations, for example, non violent communication, are quickly mentioned without a true understanding of how to practice in everyday life.
The book does a good job at deconstructing many of the childhood though patterns that may have kept us stuck. However the reconstruction seems brief or general.
Overall a good read.
The book does a good job at deconstructing many of the childhood though patterns that may have kept us stuck. However the reconstruction seems brief or general.
Overall a good read.
February 28, 2023
This is a very high level view of the impact of childhood behavioural formation and trauma, the impact that carrying these unmodified into adult life might have, and some of the ways you can begin to reflect and change.
For someone at the beginning of a therapeutic journey this might be a good read and help them jump off into other areas of self to explore, however for anyone further down the line it's at best a high level reminder.
For someone at the beginning of a therapeutic journey this might be a good read and help them jump off into other areas of self to explore, however for anyone further down the line it's at best a high level reminder.
February 28, 2024
I didn't read any new revelations from this book. Most of the advice, except for the spiritual stuff, were recycled takes from Freud and to some extent Jordan Peterson (unfortunately) like remissions and traumatized inner child. The spiritual stuff was the only interesting part of this book, minus dissing Buddhism (was that part necessary? Some nihilist philosophers would argue that every religion is valid because it is an extension of the denial of death.)
February 14, 2018
I’m not at all into self help books, but this one felt right. It was easy like talking to an insightful friend, I recommend to anyone who is really hard on themselves. Live in the moment, don’t dwell on what could have been...
March 3, 2020
An odd book with a mix of philosophy, religion and psychology. It throws a lot of (interesting) ideas into the mix, but rushes through explorations of most of them.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 9, 2020
Had some interesting insights....was not what I was expecting.
August 6, 2021
A bit naive in places and lots of philosophical questions that take away from the self-help concepts, especially for overthinkers, but interesting.
May 24, 2023
Easy read that kept my attention, but not quite as in depth as I would’ve liked.
March 2, 2024
I loved the way the author told about all the emotions and to let go.
To empathaize and to heal and be in present moment with awareness.
To empathaize and to heal and be in present moment with awareness.
March 12, 2024
a lil repetitive and basic, but great Info
December 25, 2024
Not for me
It was good, but extremely deep or at least too deep for me. I was frequently lost and wanting to start a new book. Thankfully it was short.
It was good, but extremely deep or at least too deep for me. I was frequently lost and wanting to start a new book. Thankfully it was short.
May 14, 2025
It was very interesting at the beginning
Became very repetitive half way through
Became very repetitive half way through
January 18, 2025
I really appreciated the recommendations for Nonviolent Communication and the Lost Art of Listening.
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