I'm the One Who Got Away

by Andrea Jarrell

Today Show "most buzzed about" * featured in New York Times “Modern Love” and Harper's Bazaar * a Redbook Magazine must-read * Parade, Town & Country, Yahoo! Style, InStyle, Rumpus, Working Mother, Hello Giggles, Bustle, and Southern Living book pick

2018 International Book Awards Finalist
2018 Foreword Indies Finalist
2018 Next Generation Indie Book Awards Finalist
2018 National Indie Excellence Awards Finalist
Kirkus Review Best Indie Books of 2017 selection
2017 National Book Critics Circle Award nominee
2017 INDIES Book of the Year Finalist

". . . reminiscent of Joyce Carol Oates. The work’s lasting message is that love, like Jarrell’s prose, is both painful and beautiful. A stunning series of recollections with a feminist slant."
―Kirkus Reviews STARRED REVIEW

“Brave, clear-eyed, compelling and powerful, I’m the One Who Got Away is a riveting story of love and survival. Andrea Jarrell is an uncommonly fine writer whose gritty realism is matched by the rigor and elegance of her prose. This is a wonderful debut.”
―Dani Shapiro, Hourglass and Still Writing

“I was enthralled. Andrea Jarrell is a stunning writer, moving deftly through decades in near-cinematic prose (seriously: somebody make this book into a movie!)."
―Megan Stielstra, The Wrong Way to Save Your Life and Once I Was Cool

“Andrea Jarrell's beautiful memoir―her adventurous yet protective single mother; insinuating father/stranger; friends and encounters, lovers and spouse, templates of what she must move beyond, accept, or embrace to become bravely herself―is as riveting as a mystery and as filling as a feast.”
―William O'Sullivan, Washingtonian magazine

“Beautifully told with great wisdom and clear-eyed courage, Andrea Jarrell has mapped her personal journey in life―the fears and obstacles and losses as well as the joys and comforts of love and finding her own sense of home. I could not put it down.”
―Jill McCorkle, Life After Life and Going Away Shoes

When Andrea Jarrell was a girl, her mother often told her of their escape from Jarrell's dangerous, cunning father as if it was a bedtime story. In this real-life Gilmore Girls story, mother and daughter develop an unusual bond, complicated by a cautionary tale of sexual desire and betrayal. Once grown, Jarrell thinks she's put that chapter of her life behind her--until a woman she knows is murdered, and she suddenly sees how her mother's captivating story has also held her captive, influencing her choices in lovers and friends. Set in motion by this murder, Jarrell's compact memoir is about the difficulty that daughters have separating from--while still honoring--their mothers, and about the perils of breaking the hereditary cycle of addiction. It's also about Jarrell's quest to make a successful marriage and family of her own--a journey first chronicled in her "Modern Love" essay for The New York Times. Without preaching or prescribing, I'm the One Who Got Away is a life-affirming story of having the courage to become both safe enough and vulnerable enough to love and be loved.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Essays, Book Club, Biography Memoir, Audiobook

176 pages, Paperback

First published September 5, 2017

About the author

My personal essays have appeared in The New York Times “Modern Love” column; The Washington Post; The New York Times “Motherlode” blog; Narrative Magazine; Brevity Blog; Brain, Child Magazine; Full Grown People; Memoir Journal; Literary Mama; The Huffington Post; Role Reboot; The Mid; Mamalode; The Manifest-Station; Washingtonian Magazine; Cleaver Magazine; Creative Nonfiction's "Tiny Truths," and several anthologies.

I write mostly about love and relationships; marriage, parenting and family; and life in recovery (from eating disorders and as the loved one of alcoholics). I have been a daily yoga practitioner for over a decade and yoga sometimes finds its way into my work. I am also a lifelong traveler – place and being a stranger in a strange land are also favorite topics.

I earned my BA in literature at Scripps College in Claremont, California and my MFA in creative writing and literature at Bennington College. I am also an alumna of the Hedgebrook writers’ colony and a recipient of a Martin Dibner Writing Fellowship.

Reviews

[Debbie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m sitting down with a new friend, and she starts the conversation with this line (which happens to be the first sentence of this memoir):

“Susannah was murdered just before Christmas but I didn’t find out until after New Year’s.”

My attention is officially grabbed. What? Tell me more!! How well did you know her? Were you best buds? Did you argue, share a boyfriend, have regular dates to go bowling or bungee jumping? Was she nice or was she a bitch? Did she tell you secrets, but maybe not the important ones? Did they solve the murder? Did you have critical information for the police? I’m all ears, expecting something juicy.

So the new friend talks about Susannah, oh, for say, 10 minutes. Says that Susannah’s boyfriend killed her.

Suddenly, I’m hearing my new friend’s whole friggin’ life story. Vanilla, no cinnamon. Nothing special about her life. I hear about her growing up, settling down. Whoop-de-doo.

I’m very sorry, but Susannah’s story is the interesting one. I don’t appreciate that my friend was just using it as a launching pad so she could take off on the story of her own boring life. I’m trapped! Help! I am the victim of a bait and switch!

What that tease of a first line really means to me is that the author’s writing professors—or maybe it was her editors—advised that she hook the reader with a tantalizing opener. That’s Writing 101. Well, yeah, she did that—she hooked me. But it’s not okay to make me think I’m getting something that I’m not.

The author tried to make a transition, explaining in a few sentences how this acquaintance of hers, Susannah, reminded her of her relationship with her mother. But it didn’t work for me. The connection seemed forced.

Even the book title is misleading. The title, combined with that great opening sentence, made me think I was going to hear about how maybe the author was the intended victim of the murderer, how maybe she was the “one who got away.” Now THAT would have been a good story . . .

This life story of a regular person wasn’t exceptional. She loved her adventurous mom, yes. Her father was a mean drunk and a minor movie star. She had a boyfriend who was a jerk. She married a nice guy.

Besides the bait and switch, there’s another item for the Complaint Board: Quotes. In the first half of the book, the author quotes conversations she had when she was very young. Wait just a minute. There is no way she could have remembered exactly what she said when she was little. No way. It’s even worse when she talks about events in her parents’ life. For example, she describes one long scene that happened when her dad was 22. Lots of minute detail—she even mentioned what her dad was wearing! But worse, there is a lot of dialogue between her dad, mom, and another man at a hotel shindig. Are you serious? How could she describe a scene that happened before she was born?! I’m assuming her mom told the stories to her, but there could not have been so much detail. Most of the time I forgot it was someone’s real-life story. It felt like fiction.

On the plus side—and this is a gigantic plus—I will say that the author is a very good writer. I couldn’t stop reading, even though for the most part nothing special happened. I liked the way the author told her story and I wanted to listen. She made mundane things seem sort of fascinating, and for that she gets big points. There’s one event that wasn’t mundane at all--a train ride in Italy when she was a teenager. It was harrowing, and I was on the edge of my seat.

I’m getting pickier and pickier about memoirs. I tend to like memoirs by famous people, but they must be well-written. If it’s by an unknown person, it must be well-written, of course, but it also has to be about some life-changing event or be super funny.

This is neither. It’s just a meh. Very readable, but ultimately forgettable.

Thanks to NetGalley for the advance copy.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m the One Who Got Away by Andrea Jarrell is a 2017 She Writes Press publication.

Powerful, bold, and honest-

This memoir is like none other I have ever read. Andrea Jarrell grabbed my attention immediately by recounting her reaction to a neighbor’s murder, committed by the woman’s boyfriend. She may have seen a little of her own life reflected back at her, which prompted her to examine her own experiences with domestic violence, growing up with an abusive father.

As Andrea reflects on her childhood, her relationship with her mother, friendships, lovers, her own marriage and motherhood, she lays bare her soul, exposing her vulnerabilities, but most importantly, she rallies, showing her strength and determination to grab what she needs, and desires, without allowing those dark thoughts that dwell in the heart and mind to take control.

Andrea’s mother was really a victim of her time, meaning an era when expectations for women were far different than they are now. Her father was an actor, with a short run of success, an adulterer, who both physically abused her mother, and verbally abused Andrea.

Her upbringing was unconventional, nomadic, and turbulent, which of course had an impact on her emotional stability and maturity.

There are harrowing, raw and painful moments where the author exposes her most intimate fears and insecurities, but it is also quite an inspirational journey as well.

Andrea’s writing is fluid and vivid, often making me feel as though I was right there with her as she recalls these significant markers in her life. (Some of you may have read Andrea’s essay in the NYT times column- “Modern Love’, which led to this more complete memoir.)

With each phase of her life, Andrea has chosen to fight against personal demons to find contentment and peace, while also providing the secure home for her children she didn’t have. I think she manages to achieve the kind of family life she always hoped for by her determination to break chains, to keep history from repeating itself.

Overall, I am pleased with her outlook at this stage in her life, and the way she has reconciled with her past, and with the people who influenced her, supported her, and inspired her. She seems to have found the confidence and contentment that eluded her for so long and will step into the next phase of her life with grace, ready to embrace whatever comes next.

[Antigone · Rating 4 out of 5]

On the way home from a holiday vacation, Andrea Jarrell received the news that one of her neighbors had been murdered. This was a domestic dispute during which the husband had gone to the barn to retrieve his gun. Andrea was startled, not only by the crime but by the many traumatic memories that began to rise to the surface of her mind. Old injuries tend to rouse in just this manner, accompanied by all those unprocessed emotions searching for - and now finding - their moment in the sun. The time had come to unpack the baggage she'd carted around for so many years; to reflect on the danger of her father and the mother who, despite the success of her flight, continued to be compelled like a moth to his flame.

Perhaps if I'd understood from the beginning that even after all she'd been through, even after we escaped and began our new life in L.A., she could still be drawn to my father's charms, then perhaps I would have understood that the wolf would always be at our door.

Jarrell presents us with a thoughtful and well-written account of an existence on the run from the truth. Fragments of recollection and seemingly unrelated events coalesce to reframe the internal dilemma of her youth - the jumble of confusing states; the fear, the curiosity, the helplessness and, yes, her consignment to the sidecar of her parents' drama. She was struck by the way in which she always seemed to be fashioning teams of two throughout her adult life, much like the Butch-and-Sundance dynamic of her mother's childrearing. What were lessons, and what were simply disastrous re-enactments of the conflict she was trying so hard to resolve?

It's a slim memoir, potent in its drive to unearth what had never been properly buried or adequately grieved. Brave, certainly. A compelling read.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I'm The One Who Got Away" is a deeply meaningful memoir by journalist and columnist Andrea Jerrell, who recalled her coming-of-age story: raised by a dedicated adventurous single mother, that treated her to vacations in Europe after a brief marriage to her abusive alcoholic father. Jarrell explored her parents marriage and how it influenced her life choices, and the relief she felt as she matured and was able to distance herself from abusive relationships, and maintain a stable loving marriage and family life.

While returning home with her husband/children from a Christmas break, Jerrell received a shocking call related to the murder of her neighbor, Susannah. Susannah was murdered as she was attempting to leave an abusive relationship. Jerrell doesn't detail a grizzly account of the murder, instead, she examined her own troubling family history, and her instinctive reaction as to why she kept Susannah at a superficial distance. Susannah had once attended her son's birthday party, their sons were in the same class at school.
In addition, Jerrell recalled her extraordinary relationship with her mother, mindful of her self-sacrifice in raising her, and indirectly provides a thought provoking alternative to raising children safely in the age of divorce and family breakdown. While this is not a self-help book, there is a suggested reading list provided.
Jerrell completed her MFA in creative writing at Bennington College, her writing has been featured in several notable publications including the NYT, and The Washington Post, she lives in Washington D.C.
*Special thanks and appreciation to She Writes Press via NetGalley for the direct e-copy for the purpose of review.

[Carinn Jade · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every page in this slim book packs suspense and introspection. From the author's harrowing train ride as a teen in Italy to an honest assembly of a marriage, she hits on the big moments of a woman's life in a way that's both intriguing and relatable.

[Rene Denfeld · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a lovely, humble, understated and yet gorgeous memoir. What happens when the skills we thought we had are actually our undoing? Jarrell writes with the precision of a poet as she examines the relationship she had with her mother, their battle against violent men—and how the past can seem to repeat itself no matter what we do. I highly recommend this amazing book.

[Ashley Foley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I related to it in a lot of ways. While my father wasn't an abusive man, he was an addict who wasn't around during my childhood and still not a lot even now though I'm in my 30's and have learned to just accept who he is. The abuse came from a later marriage. Unlike Andrea's mother who kept her personal life away from her daughter by never openly dating (unless she was back on again with Andrea's father), my mom wanted to find a father figure for myself and two brothers. The fact that Andrea's mother kept returning to Nick (the abusive, alcoholic father) didn't really surprise me. My own mom stayed in the abusive marriage with that husband for over 13 years only finally breaking free a few years ago. But like Andrea's mother, she still responds to him when he gets in contact...not really willing to accept that she can finally be whatever she wants to be without him.

As far as Andrea's relationship with Nick...well...there wasn't one when she was a child. He didn't come back into her life until her teenage years. Where he was charming but bordering on inappropriate. Never seeming to want to let go of his glory days when he was almost a celebrity. My father never really grew up either. He still acts like a teenager and is more "pal" to my brothers and I than "dad".

I wonder if things would have been different for her if she wasn't an only child. I had my older and younger brother looking out for me my whole life. They may both have their own issues and we may still fight from time to time, but when it comes to the three of us, nothing could ever come between us. But perhaps because it was just the two of them, that's why they always had a pretty good relationship. "Just us two" her mother always said to her. My relationship with my mom was always strained. I'm 34 now with a daughter of my own who has just turned 15. I think about how lucky my husband and I are that she is so well behaved and smart and funny and just awesome. But sometimes the teenager in her comes out and I remember how much my mom and I used to butt heads. But over time, old wounds and hurts have faded and we are slowly building our relationship back up.

I also found her marriage to Brad relatable. They went through a lot and came through stronger. Their love and desire growing instead of fading as the years then decades went by. My husband and I will be celebrating our 15 year wedding anniversary in May and our marriage has definitely been tested. But we continue to make it through stronger and more united.

Something I couldn't relate to though was the constant traveling. Oh how I wish that could have been us, but we were more the typical divorced family of 4 with only one parent to support us the best she could. Of course, it was the 80's and 90's for us. 60's and 70's for Andrea and her mother. And I imagine there is a HUGE price difference in raising one child alone instead of three.

I received this book through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review and I would definitely recommend this to someone.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Andrea Jarrell is one of those writers who consistently makes me murmur, "I wish I'd thought to write that passage," and rather than feeling defeat I feel abundant gratitude that the moment in time was brought to life o the page.

This book is not a book I could have written or a life I could have lived, but oh how I cared for the characters. Jarrell has a gift of marrying vulnerability and unabashed sensuality. Her unfiltered musing on issues of intimacy and beauty is arresting for me in a way that I've never felt. She stoked emotions about her mom that seem to embody the dancing on a pin complexity of mother daughter relationships. The storyline felt at once cinematic and ordinary. I cannot wait for her to write more.

This is not a book that you should let get away from you.

[Janilyn Kocher · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an excellent book. I read it rapidly. The author has such a familiar, comfortable narrative, I couldn't put it down. She never reveals her parents' true names, but they are unnecessary because Jarrell paints their characters where monikers aren't needed, It's a great story about living life with the trials and tribulations and figuring things out as you go, sometimes the realizations don't happen until decades later. Thanks to NetGalley for the advance copy.

[Magdelanye · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pleasing someone else is easy...enjoying my own pleasure takes a different kind of letting go. p143

This is a curious book, unassuming yet triumphant.
It is a memoir that challenges memory and explores the patterns that we try to escape, never acknowledging our part in their creation.

...part of me has always been on the lookout for that moment when the music will stop and harsh lights will be abruptly cast on the glow of our party. p142

It is a book about growing up an outsider, not by choice; and the lies that we are are handed which we are supposed to cherish. Ultimately, its about post traumatic stress disorder although that syndrome is never named.

It's about faking it till you make it, through the tenacity of longing, no matter how subdued.

3.5 stars in GR rating system 5/7 in mine

[Kira FlowerChild · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was interested in reading this book because I, too, am "the one who got away." Unlike Andrea Jarrell, I really did get away.

This book was disappointing on a lot of levels. In the beginning, the author makes a big deal out of how she and her mother were isolated when she was growing up. They were each other's best friend and they didn't really have other friends. Later in the book the author talks about adventures she had with numerous friends as a latch key kid before her mother got home from work. So which was it? Were she and her mother joined at the hip, or did she have friends?

Then there was the matter of her father, Mr. Hollywood Actor. She refuses to give his name yet talks about movies he had minor roles in and his guest starring roles in 1970s and 1980s television shows. If you're going to write a tell-all book, then tell all. I found it really frustrating that she was so coy about her father's name. Then, near the end, she mentions the movie that he "co-starred" in with Robert DeNiro. There on IMDb, way down the list (co-star my ass) is his name, last name Jarrell, first name revealing that obviously Andrea was named after him. That's all I'll say - look it up yourself after you slog through the book and finally get a clue that you can follow.

The truth is, I didn't find Andrea Jarrell's life all that interesting. If you've had to deal with alcoholics, you might find some commonalities with her. Her father, her grandmother, and her husband are all alcoholics. She didn't know her husband was an alcoholic when she married him because he didn't behave in the same way as her father, who got angry and abusive when he was drunk. Her husband simply blacked out and didn't remember what happened. He didn't even remember proposing to her. When friends asked about the proposal, he said Andrea proposed to him. That should have been a tip-off for Andrea, but apparently it wasn't. She lucked out in that her husband was a good man, drunk or sober, and he did get sober not too long after they got married.

As other reviewers have said, the beginning of the book, where Andrea finds out one of her neighbors has been murdered by her drunken boyfriend, is far more interesting than anything which follows. I got two-thirds of the way through this book and stopped for over three weeks because I was bored, finally finishing the last third in an hour, since the book was only 174 pages long. I hate not finishing books although there are a few that just aren't worth my time. If this book had been 300 pages, I would have put it on my DNF list. But I thought I would read the rest and see if it ever got more interesting. It didn't.

[Paula DeBoard]

My thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for the opportunity to read this book.

I'm the One Who Got Away is a collection of short, sharp essays, each one packing an emotional punch. Jarrell writes with a memoirist's unflinching eye and a poet's sense of language. Highly recommended.

[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a quick read. I felt like I got to know the author and appreciated the author sharing her story. Reading about the author's relationship with her mother, I could see and understand why she made the choices she did including the bad relationships. Andrea's mother made the same type of choices and she did not encourage Andrea to make better ones.

As Andrea realized, it took a lot of growth and self worth to realize that she did deserve to be happy and it was ok to have a family and husband, who loved her. It was nice that the author shared some of this insight in her book. Although, I do agree with another reader that I felt like the death at the beginning of the story had nothing to do with this story. At least, not with the lack of details and/or reference to tie it to this story.

[Lolly K Dandeneau · Rating 3 out of 5]

via my blog: https://bookstalkerblog.wordpress.com/
“The first time I saw him on television, I was seven. My mother and I were living in a little apartment near UCLA. During a commercial on Marcus Welby, M.D., she whispered, “It’s Nick.”

A woman is murdered, someone on the periphery of Andrea Jarrell’s life, a woman she kept at a distance because maybe she reminded her too much of her own upbringing with a single mother. A woman ‘other than‘ the mothers she prefers to surround herself with, the ones who know the right way to raise children, who have marriages intact and a natural ease in their mothering. The safe, stable, good solid families not those who are unkempt or harried. With this tragedy and the shocking reality of the abuses she must have suffered, Jarrell’s mind returns to her childhood, raised by a single mother with a dangerously abusive father always lurking in the background of her memory.

Andrea was too young to know how her mother escaped her cruel abusive father, left to rely solely on her mother’s stories from that time. Certainly he is a beautiful man, an actor of some success, friends to celebrities like Frank Sinatra. Her mother couldn’t raise her daughter in a home where the father saw threats to his masculinity, accusing her mother of desiring other men. Abusive, controlling and yet drowning with a seductive magnetism her mother, and most everyone in his path, find irresistible. The years collect, and it’s just the two of them. There are rough times, yet good ones too as Andrea’s mother always planned trips to distant places, like Europe. Each are growing experiences, with men somehow always a threatening presence that no one senses more than women on their own.

Her mother dates, but never seems to keep a long term relationship nor allow her dating to get in the way as sometimes happens with single parents. Andrea’s mother was a hard working woman that wasn’t going to fall apart, nor wait for a man to save them. Just as Andrea is coming into her teen years her father finds his way back to them, luring Andrea into a relationship. She struggles with the confusion of longing for his affection and resenting him. Against her better judgement, knowing he truly doesn’t deserve to be the proud father, she tries to form a bond. Her memories are both her own and versions of her mothers, there are things she begins to love about her father and others she cannot stomach. Falling for her dad is much like a new ‘romance’, the highs and lows, hungry for the fatherly affection she was long denied.

Perplexed by the sudden appearance of her father, and the freedom her mother allows her in finally letting the ‘big bad man’ back into their lives, after doing everything in her power to flee him, it isn’t long before she realizes her mother has an ulterior motive, they both do. Just how much will the story have to change to allow Nick, her father, back into their lives? Can her mother really erase the past, could her father have changed?

While a murder sets off memories of her childhood and the tempest that is her mother and father’s love story, it really isn’t center stage to this memoir. This is a story about a girl who spent the formative years with a single mother, free of the abuses of a controlling husband/father only to have him upend their lives once again. It’s the confusion of how it bled into every decision she made in life, of why she kept certain people at a distance and as an adult does her best to blend in with the ‘normal’ families. It’s returning to the beast you know, against your better judgement, it’s resenting the decisions your parents make, and dreading making the same mistakes as your mother.

There is confusion in how someone who ran so far can just seem to give up and change the past to accommodate returning to your first mistake. I just keep thinking ‘better the devil you know’ maybe that should be the name of a condition. Andrea will finally come to know the real abuser her mother fled, and question whether father truly does know best!

Available today September 5, 2017

She Writes Press

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this in one day. A nicely woven collection of stories of one woman’s relationship with her mother and men and how it informs the other relationships in her life as well as with herself. Not told chronologically. Themes are tied together smoothly. Part story, part reflection.

[Darcysmom · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an ARC of this book from Netgalley for free in exchange for an honest review.
Andrea Jarrell's memoir is thoughtful, entertaining, and an enjoyable afternoon's reading. Her insight and keen observations are a fascinating window into her life. A lot of her story is relatable, and I found myself nodding along in several places. I am glad I got to read I'm the One Who Got Away.

[Mrs Mommy Booknerd http://mrsmommybooknerd.blogspot.com · Rating 5 out of 5]

FirstLine ~ Susannah was murdered just before Christmas but I didn't find out until after New Year's.

This memoir is one not to be missed. It was painful and powerful, honest ans raw. It was hard to out down because Jarrell pulls the reader into the book, making them witness to the story. This entrancement is done with beautiful prose and a pace that allows the reader to get lost in the pages. A must read.

[Jennie Goutet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I pre-ordered the book based on all the attention it was getting and read it in short order once it arrived. In prose as fresh as that fifteen-year old girl who boarded a train to Rome, Ms. Jarrell invites us into a childhood where the push and pull of her single mother and interloper father sparks a search for constancy and worth that seem at times elusive, but something she's determined to grasp. I admire her for not settling for anything less.

In a voice that's both likeable and filled with integrity, the author describes her false starts and victories as she searches to find her place in the world. There are no incomprehensible choices, like watching a train wreck from afar. There are only tentative steps first in this direction, then in that until the author forges the path she is meant to travel.

Ms. Jarrell uses the word 'home' towards the end of the book to embody the destination of her unconscious, life-long quest for a sense of belonging and being true to one's self. I'm the One Who Got Away is a satisfying read, and the final chapters are filled with purpose. You sense she has now discovered who she is, and along with it, has discovered her worth. Ms. Jarrell is Home and is shining a torch from the window to show us the path.

[Diana Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this remarkable dissection of her childhood and adolescence combined with an adult sensibility of her mother's inner life and sexuality as well as her own, Andrea Jarrell reveals her yearning for a life where she has "mended the mistakes of her parents." Her beloved, beautiful but severely wounded mother has an independence that is both fierce and heartbreaking.

"What if what really saved you was the courage to growl, to honk, to lift your skirt?" Jarrell asks as she embarks on her own sexual awakening as a teenage girl. "The force of my good girl's desire" is a repeated theme throughout "I'm the One Who Got Away". Perhaps most closely similar to Jeanette Walls's memoir, "The Glass Castle", but with a writing style more lean, clean, and mean, Jarrell gives us a moving, gasp-jolting account of a dysfunctional family in 153 pages!
Diana Y. Paul, author, Things Unsaid

[Julie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don’t understand why there are so many 5-star reviews.
Maybe her mother should have written a memoir... would have been more interesting.
I found this disjointed and boring. The book started out strong and then quickly fizzled. I kept reading thinking there would be more to it. The author does write well and I appreciated that aspect.

[Penny Haw · Rating 2 out of 5]

Andrea Jarrell is a good writer, but her life story isn't captivating. The book drew me in early with the mention of the murder of her neighbour, but that plot line was bait – tasty, but soon gone. The rest of the story was pretty mediocre. A good memoir is well-written and tells a cracking story. I was disappointed.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this beautiful memoir in 24 hours. This story takes you on a ride thru wonder, love, heartache, mystery, tragedy, finding oneself, and introduces you to the partners that become passengers along the way. Thank you for rolling down the window and letting us in Andrea Jarrell-

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading like a mystery novel, Andrea relates her experiences as the daughter and wife of an alcoholic who is determined to find the life that is right for her. When a woman she knows is murdered, Andrea must face her past and question her motives for avoiding the woman and her family. Estranged from her abusive father and escaping his charm, Andrea and her mother form a bond that helps them to survive. Andrea doesn't understand the choices her mother makes when it comes to men; however, she is determined not to make the same mistakes. Reviewed at https://pennyformythoughts-nona.blogs....

[Stephanie Nelson · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I saw the summary of this book I assumed that this book would focus solely on the author's mother. Almost everyone has heard of "the battered wife syndrome," and I think in a way both the author and her mother have the same issues with the father.
I loved how raw and real the author was. She examined both herself and her mother, in regards to their faults and strengths, and especially with the father., "Nick." No matter what he does or how he fails them, both Andrea and her mother keep letting him back in. In a way he contributes to all the bad qualities they have; for example, Andrea's constant insecurities.
I thought this book flowed very well, and I enjoyed Andrea's honesty and her acceptance of both her and her mother's stories. I think without this she would have never been able to move on in her life. Thankfully she now has a full life and so does her mother; which they both deserve.
I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to read a great memoir about the true bonds of family; especially a mother and daughter.

[Teresa Dickinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this extraordinary memoir, Andrea Jarrell shares her unconventional upbringing – the shadows of which follow her into adulthood – with a grace that shows the healing she has reaped from her experience. With rich, clear-eyed prose and often jaw-dropping honesty, she opens her world and her heart to her readers in a way that draws them in, making them root for her and everyone who has had a hand in her tale. Jarrell is fearless, and not in the who-cares, tell-all way common to our oversharing society. Her courage lies in facing the sometimes messy stuff of her life, and extracting its often painful opportunities for growth with integrity and compassion – towards herself, her mother, her father, her husband, and the others who have helped shape her. This is a beautifully written, compelling, and ultimately redeeming story. We all have our shadows. Andrea Jarrell shows us a model, not for denying and fighting them, but for quietly sitting with them until they tell us their secrets so we can learn from them. And we are the better for that.

[Barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yep, it’s true—I could not put this memoir down once it got into my hands. This patient work is beauty facing wretchedness with courage, not twisting under the weight of inflicted pain but bending with it and learning from it in order to emerge into greater freedom. Jarrell is a keen observer of her own life, its privileges and poverty. Her searing prose flickers with menacing violence and soothes with astonishing hope. A work written with love, it is love willing to work, writing through experiences of desolation and leading to deeper joy. Home is a comfort in place, a person, a relationship, a body. It is feeling loved and secure, one’s inner life and outer life happily married, all in one person. Jarrell’s fierce engagement with fear moves her, and us, to an awakened capacity of grace that leads toward home, and saves us all, just for today.

[Danuta Hinc · Rating 5 out of 5]

Strong and tender, a perfect read, a must.

One of the best memoirs I have read, I AM THE ONE WHO GOT AWAY, gives a rare, yet familiar glimpse into what it means to love, to hate, to allow others to define us, and to escape by one's own convictions and a bit of luck. Jarrell's memoir, perfectly structured, in its honesty about who we are as humans, and its grace about the strength we carry in our choices (after falling and falling), is an experience that inspires, gives hope, and presents an uplifting escape against the unbearable. Beautifully done, real and magical at the same time.

[Melissa Uchiyama · Rating 5 out of 5]

Andrea Jarrell writes a startlingly beautiful memoir and shows us that a memoir need not be overly-heady or tough to get through. This is a dynamic read, stuffed with phrases and imagery that you will want to mull over and review in your head and even speak. Past and present come together with a literary force, one that will take you in and wish for Jarrell's next memoir or novel. A stunning read.

[Galit · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautifully written memoir that had me sitting up and taking notice, as each chapter wove and carried me into the next. Storytelling is such a powerful connector showing us how much there is to learn via differences and how many "me, too" moments are right there when we're willing to share, and listen, making us all feel less alone and more connected. This book is a perfect example of that. Highly recommend.

[Pam S · Rating 5 out of 5]

A sharp, shimmering story about coming of age: and coming to terms with your place in the world. Author Andrea Jarrell’s life is presented as a roller coaster of emotions and a cacophony of conclusions; a fractured relationship with her father and an exceptionally intimate one with her mother make for a troubled childhood that leads into an introspective adulthood. Jarrell is so skilled with language that the occasionally non-linear narrative ultimately makes sense; she has organized her memoir not just chronologically, but according to the emotional origins of each specific life stage. Part confessional memoir, part fever dream; the book does at times seem more like a collection of vignettes rather a single story. Still, finishing it yields a soft satisfaction, pleasant yet still a little troubling; much like life itself often is.