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Free of Me: Why Life Is Better When It's Not about You
We live in a culture that's all about self, becoming the best "me" I can be instead of becoming like Jesus. This me-centered message affects every area of our lives--our friendships, our marriages, even our faith--and it breaks each one in different ways. The self-focused life robs our joy, shrinks our souls, and is the reason we never quite break free of insecurity.
In this book, Sharon Hodde Miller invites us into a bigger, Jesus-centered vision--one that restores our freedom and inspires us to live for more. She helps readers
- identify the secret source of insecurity
- understand how self-focus sabotages seven areas of our lives
- learn four practical steps for focusing on God and others
- experience freedom from the burden of self-focus
Anyone yearning for a purpose bigger than "project me" will cherish this paradigm-shifting message of true fulfillment.
In this book, Sharon Hodde Miller invites us into a bigger, Jesus-centered vision--one that restores our freedom and inspires us to live for more. She helps readers
- identify the secret source of insecurity
- understand how self-focus sabotages seven areas of our lives
- learn four practical steps for focusing on God and others
- experience freedom from the burden of self-focus
Anyone yearning for a purpose bigger than "project me" will cherish this paradigm-shifting message of true fulfillment.
208 pages, Paperback
Published October 3, 2017
772 people are currently reading
2970 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 240 reviews
October 2, 2017
If you only have five books that you can read and apply right now choose “Free Of Me”. I like this book because the author is transparent and takes us through a journey that many of us deal with. The focus of self. Sharon let’s us know in the beginning of the book “ shifting your focus off of yourself and onto God is much harder than it sounds” She walks us through her transformation of adjusting and turning her focus to God. The author writes from the prospective of a friend who has learned a life changing message. A friend who wants to draw us to the Lord. The entire book is powerful and impactful however, two chapters as well as all of part three penetrated me the most. The chapter’s that packed a punch for me were in part two of the book. “When You Make God About You and When You Make Your Calling You About”. In the chapter “ When You Make God About You” Sharon talks about the different ways we view God and set him up in our own image. One of the views is what she calls the self-serving God this impacted me a lot because it calls to question our responses when things don’t go as planned. Sharon says “ How you respond to God when your plans don’t work out, or how you respond to scripture when it challenges your lifestyle - these responses are a litmus test of the kind of god you follow”. Part three of the book is absolutely freeing it gives you biblical ways to be free of self focus. This book is packed with scripture as well. I would have to write a essay to explain how impactful this book is. I admonish you to grab your own copy. Happy reading!!
January 12, 2018
What a great and timely message to begin a new year! I love to challenge myself with thought-provoking non-fiction books between my beloved fictions, and this one is a real gem.
The author bravely lays bare her own struggle with self-absorption, which she didn't even register until the pain and misery of following the siren call overwhelmed her. Indeed, it's an unusual subject to highlight because rather than being urged to renounce it, our society coerces us to fall into its trap, thinking we're doing ourselves a favour. Miller trusts that we can all relate to some extent, and explains how self-focus is our default setting, and therefore a tough pattern to shake.
She reveals a sneaky variety which appears to be completely unselfish and others-directed. However, when a reputation for kindness, charity or altruism suits the image we wish to project, then it can be really still about us! I wonder how many people can say, 'Ouch.'
But identifying the problem is only half the solution. Next, she describes how many of society's attempted 'cures' are in fact leading us further along the insidious spiral. It's easy to mistake the restlessness and dissatisfaction of self-absorption with low self-esteem. Then we try to fix it up by giving ourselves pats on the back and self-affirmations. We might turn to social media and see these boosting attempts going on everywhere. But Miller argues that they are all counter-productive, and what we really need is self-forgetfulness.
She points out how easy it is to make specific facets of our lives all about us, including our families, possessions, appearances, friendships, reputations, callings, and even God himself. It's sobering to read how something as wholesome as parenthood, or a ministry or calling can become all about the individual, to the extent that they keep craving affirmation to keep their egos from crumbling. As Sharon Hodde Miller puts it, 'Calling can become about you, and when it does, it will shrivel your soul like a flower scorched by the sun.' It's hard to deny that we live in an era when people don't even realise that they're trying to build their platforms more than their character.
The best part is that she doesn't just lay out the problem, but offers sound and workable solutions. I think the nitty-gritty of this book is the last part, which encourages us in the crusade to keep our focus off ourselves and our life impact. She recommends four different ways to nip it in the bud, which are Praise, People, Purpose and Passion. Now, although I sometimes find using alliteration to make points comes across a bit forced and strained, not in this case :) Miller is sure that remembering and practising them helped her enormously, and they're convincing enough for me too. Because I'm sure so many of those gloomy moments are tied up with all this sort of tricky business.
As I say, a good book to start the year with.
Thanks to Baker Books and NetGalley for my review copy.
For more book talk, reviews and discussions visit my blog, https://vincereview.blogspot.com.au/
The author bravely lays bare her own struggle with self-absorption, which she didn't even register until the pain and misery of following the siren call overwhelmed her. Indeed, it's an unusual subject to highlight because rather than being urged to renounce it, our society coerces us to fall into its trap, thinking we're doing ourselves a favour. Miller trusts that we can all relate to some extent, and explains how self-focus is our default setting, and therefore a tough pattern to shake.
She reveals a sneaky variety which appears to be completely unselfish and others-directed. However, when a reputation for kindness, charity or altruism suits the image we wish to project, then it can be really still about us! I wonder how many people can say, 'Ouch.'
But identifying the problem is only half the solution. Next, she describes how many of society's attempted 'cures' are in fact leading us further along the insidious spiral. It's easy to mistake the restlessness and dissatisfaction of self-absorption with low self-esteem. Then we try to fix it up by giving ourselves pats on the back and self-affirmations. We might turn to social media and see these boosting attempts going on everywhere. But Miller argues that they are all counter-productive, and what we really need is self-forgetfulness.
She points out how easy it is to make specific facets of our lives all about us, including our families, possessions, appearances, friendships, reputations, callings, and even God himself. It's sobering to read how something as wholesome as parenthood, or a ministry or calling can become all about the individual, to the extent that they keep craving affirmation to keep their egos from crumbling. As Sharon Hodde Miller puts it, 'Calling can become about you, and when it does, it will shrivel your soul like a flower scorched by the sun.' It's hard to deny that we live in an era when people don't even realise that they're trying to build their platforms more than their character.
The best part is that she doesn't just lay out the problem, but offers sound and workable solutions. I think the nitty-gritty of this book is the last part, which encourages us in the crusade to keep our focus off ourselves and our life impact. She recommends four different ways to nip it in the bud, which are Praise, People, Purpose and Passion. Now, although I sometimes find using alliteration to make points comes across a bit forced and strained, not in this case :) Miller is sure that remembering and practising them helped her enormously, and they're convincing enough for me too. Because I'm sure so many of those gloomy moments are tied up with all this sort of tricky business.
As I say, a good book to start the year with.
Thanks to Baker Books and NetGalley for my review copy.
For more book talk, reviews and discussions visit my blog, https://vincereview.blogspot.com.au/
March 23, 2018
I loved this book! Best book for women I've read in a while and I will recommend it to everyone. It has a lot more of the down-to-earth lessons for women that really hit you where you need it. Self-focus is a huge problem in my life as well as "respectable sins" such as people-pleasing for the sake of making people like you. I have a feeling this isn't just my problem, but many women's. Many of our desires are good and God-given, but we selfishly twist them so that we are the sole beneficiaries of them, instead of God. Ms. Miller balanced the delicate psychology of still retaining self-worth (through Christ) and forgetting oneself in order to glorify God and help others (As well as make your own life better! We're free to forget ourselves!) I'm buying my own copy of this book and reading and re-reading it often.
January 6, 2023
My mom told me if you can't say anything good don't say anything at all. So I will just say, I have theological differences with the author and for a book to be called Free of Me it sure is a lot about the author.
October 5, 2024
The more we become like him, the more we become our truest selves, rather than cheap imitations of others.
Hodde Miller, Sharon. Free of Me (pp. 185-186). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
For some time now, it has seemed that the Christian church has followed the world into me-centered thinking. A woman in a church I attended said, "If scripture's not about what it says to me, why should I care?"
Miller points out how this self-centered thinking had affected her and how she had affected people around her. She then delves into how to overcome it.
Miller writes in a friendly, enthusiastic style which kept me turning the pages. Her confessions resonated with my experience. Her suggestions for overcoming this narcissism make sense and offer practical hope and help. Throughout the book, she makes several suggestions for reading which might be helpful.
Hodde Miller, Sharon. Free of Me (pp. 185-186). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
For some time now, it has seemed that the Christian church has followed the world into me-centered thinking. A woman in a church I attended said, "If scripture's not about what it says to me, why should I care?"
Miller points out how this self-centered thinking had affected her and how she had affected people around her. She then delves into how to overcome it.
Miller writes in a friendly, enthusiastic style which kept me turning the pages. Her confessions resonated with my experience. Her suggestions for overcoming this narcissism make sense and offer practical hope and help. Throughout the book, she makes several suggestions for reading which might be helpful.
February 5, 2023
I really enjoyed this book. Miller draws from some books and authors whose works on this subject I’ve already read and enjoyed, but she did a great job of expounding upon their ideas.
I wish this book would have been even longer, particularly the chapter about friendship. I felt like the chapter on dissatisfaction with church just echoed some stereotypes and didn’t get to the heart of the issue, but that’s not the topic of the book.
I highly recommend this book.
I wish this book would have been even longer, particularly the chapter about friendship. I felt like the chapter on dissatisfaction with church just echoed some stereotypes and didn’t get to the heart of the issue, but that’s not the topic of the book.
I highly recommend this book.
February 8, 2018
I’m not sure how to explain my view of this book. It has great points, but also has some parts that didn’t sit well with me.
What I like:
The point of it is just as the title says, “Life is better when it’s not about you.” This is a message that needs to be preached more loudly in our me-centered culture.
The author has a clear outline that God, our family, appearance, possessions, friendships, calling and church are not about us. In each aspect of life, she repeats the same true message, that it is all about ***spoiler alert***Jesus and His glory!
Her chapter on “When you make God about you” is almost the perfect rebuke against so many “Christians” who have their own view of God based on a distorted interpretation of Scripture. What I didn’t like about it is her refusal to disagree with the message from another author who said, “to turn our insecurities to God, knowing that God made us with intimate intentions and call us good. ONLY THEN WOULD WE BE ABLE TO LOVE OURSELVES AND EXPERIENCE FREEDOM (emphasis mine).
She includes key verses and discussion questions that are great for a group study and self-examination.
—————————-
What I don’t like:
She uses herself as an example often. It is ironic that in a book that teaches self-forgetfulness, she talks about herself a whole lot.
This is me being picky, but she quotes authors that I don’t like: Vosskamp, Beth Moore, Lysa TerKeurst, Rick Warren, etc.
According to her blog, the author doesn’t hold to the traditional complementarian view (which I hold to) and it shows in this book. She claims to have worked as a College minister while attending seminary.
She treats “God’s calling” as some kind of entity and is somewhat demanding that needs to be followed, whether one wants it or not.
What I like:
The point of it is just as the title says, “Life is better when it’s not about you.” This is a message that needs to be preached more loudly in our me-centered culture.
The author has a clear outline that God, our family, appearance, possessions, friendships, calling and church are not about us. In each aspect of life, she repeats the same true message, that it is all about ***spoiler alert***Jesus and His glory!
Her chapter on “When you make God about you” is almost the perfect rebuke against so many “Christians” who have their own view of God based on a distorted interpretation of Scripture. What I didn’t like about it is her refusal to disagree with the message from another author who said, “to turn our insecurities to God, knowing that God made us with intimate intentions and call us good. ONLY THEN WOULD WE BE ABLE TO LOVE OURSELVES AND EXPERIENCE FREEDOM (emphasis mine).
She includes key verses and discussion questions that are great for a group study and self-examination.
—————————-
What I don’t like:
She uses herself as an example often. It is ironic that in a book that teaches self-forgetfulness, she talks about herself a whole lot.
This is me being picky, but she quotes authors that I don’t like: Vosskamp, Beth Moore, Lysa TerKeurst, Rick Warren, etc.
According to her blog, the author doesn’t hold to the traditional complementarian view (which I hold to) and it shows in this book. She claims to have worked as a College minister while attending seminary.
She treats “God’s calling” as some kind of entity and is somewhat demanding that needs to be followed, whether one wants it or not.
March 31, 2021
Overall, I enjoyed this book and it's message to center yourself on God as opposed to the self (which is an ever so popular trend in today's society). I would give this book a solid 3.5 stars if I could. The author divided her book into two sections. I found the first section to be a refreshing perspective, very thought provoking. She made several valid points on today's culture of self love and how that often does not result in joy or fulfillment. The second section included many stories of the author's personal life combined with a few doses of scripture and those portions didn't resonate with me as much.
January 19, 2019
The book I didn’t know I needed.
October 3, 2017
A quick scroll through Facebook or Instagram will highlight the many women in your church and community that are hyper-focused on self. Women borderline-obsessive about their body, their weight, their clothes, their home, their image…
This focus on self is causing great harm to the church and to our witness. As Sharon points out, “When our focus is on our own needs, our own preferences, and our own comforts, we will not love people in a way that resembles anything like the love of Jesus.”
And I want to love people like Jesus.
Free of Me is a great book for personal reading and for use in a small group study. Every chapter ends with Discussion Questions, a Focus Verse, and a Focus Prayer. There is also a Bible Study Guide for group facilitators.
Free of Me will challenge and convict the women in your small group. And it will challenge and convict you. It sure did me.
Despite the (false) assumption that you may need to don some steel-toed boots, Free of Me is filled with hope. Over and over, Sharon points the reader back to the cross, back to God, back to the Bible. Through personal stories and scripture, she implores us to raise our gaze. It’s a challenge that, if we accept it, will change the way we live our lives.
When we find a way to throw off the grave clothes of self that entangle us, we will be set free!
In the battle against a culture that preaches, “you deserve it” and “your needs are paramount”, Free of Me dissects the lies and points readers toward the truth.
This focus on self is causing great harm to the church and to our witness. As Sharon points out, “When our focus is on our own needs, our own preferences, and our own comforts, we will not love people in a way that resembles anything like the love of Jesus.”
And I want to love people like Jesus.
Free of Me is a great book for personal reading and for use in a small group study. Every chapter ends with Discussion Questions, a Focus Verse, and a Focus Prayer. There is also a Bible Study Guide for group facilitators.
Free of Me will challenge and convict the women in your small group. And it will challenge and convict you. It sure did me.
Despite the (false) assumption that you may need to don some steel-toed boots, Free of Me is filled with hope. Over and over, Sharon points the reader back to the cross, back to God, back to the Bible. Through personal stories and scripture, she implores us to raise our gaze. It’s a challenge that, if we accept it, will change the way we live our lives.
When we find a way to throw off the grave clothes of self that entangle us, we will be set free!
In the battle against a culture that preaches, “you deserve it” and “your needs are paramount”, Free of Me dissects the lies and points readers toward the truth.
April 7, 2022
2.5 stars. This book was just an okay read for me. I was interested in the topic, but was a bit turned off by the author’s self-focus in the first few chapters. It did get better, but the discussion was rather surface-level at times, and I wish more scripture examples were discussed. Her examples are primarily from her own life, which can make it hard to relate to at times. The discussion questions seem excellent! I read this in order to assess whether or not to use it for a women’s Bible study. It does tick all the boxes for that and may even read better in community, but it wasn’t the most compelling read I’ve read.
May 3, 2022
The author had some good points but her thoughts were not always motivation for me. I did like her questions for discussion - they were great ideas for reflection.
"But I believe the antidote to consumerism in the church is the same antidote to consumerism in marriage. We commit to both for the long haul, not because they ultimately make us happy, but because they make us holy.”
“A critical spirit is an easy entry point for sin to sow seeds of division.”
“The purpose of family is to love God and others. The purpose of marriage is to love God and others. The purpose of parenting is to love God and others. That’s the answer to the question.”
"But I believe the antidote to consumerism in the church is the same antidote to consumerism in marriage. We commit to both for the long haul, not because they ultimately make us happy, but because they make us holy.”
“A critical spirit is an easy entry point for sin to sow seeds of division.”
“The purpose of family is to love God and others. The purpose of marriage is to love God and others. The purpose of parenting is to love God and others. That’s the answer to the question.”
June 12, 2018
This was a FABULOUS book that was so spot-on. Our culture is full of self-help books meant to draw on one's inner strength, boost confidence, and everything else. This book turns all that upside down and gives real, TRUE answers to questions we have about ourselves and what's not working. Beautifully, honestly written with frank authenticity and great heart, this book is my new favorite.
February 26, 2022
Miller writes about how we carry the burden of self-focus and weigh ourselves down when we chase after personal gain, living as if the world revolves around us. Jesus’s call to lay our lives down and serve Him alone is actually the most freeing way to live—because we were designed to chase after God instead of ourselves!
February 10, 2018
Wish I could give this a solid 3.5 stars. Easy read. I just didnt resonate with everything the author was hitting on. Definitely some probing/self-exposing stuff worth exploring.
September 13, 2021
Topic: Finding freedom from insecurity through self forgetfulness. It hinges on the thought that self focus fuels insecurity. Self focus makes things about ourself…even in subtle ways. This book covers an array of topics that we can make about ourselves feeding our insecurity: family, appearance, possessions, friendships, callings, and the church. Next it dives into how to be free of that self focus by loving God, loving others, purpose, passion, and how to forget yourself without neglecting yourself.
Who it may interest: Anyone who wrestles with insecurity.
Helpfulness: so so so good. My friend says she has a pile of life changing books. This is one I’d add to mine. I love many books, but then there are a handful that seem to be exactly what I need said in the exact way I need it…life changing.
Ease of reading: Easy, I flew through it in two days. The thoughts and topics themself weren’t easy per say, but she presented them in such a way that opened my eyes and gave me understanding in very easy ways. Many of the topics I had thought about but they were still a wrestle for me, I didn’t completely get. The way she brought them out brought so much clarity and understanding for me.
Main takeaway: It’s not about me. I have made too many things about me in my life. Not too long ago I reviewed the book “When making others happy is making you miserable” and I made the comment it would be helpful for those who struggle with breaking free from people pleasing, but I needed an extra step to get through the messy middle. This book gave me that. She opened my eyes to the fact that yes we need to heal from hurts, but at some point we have to look outside ourselves and to the Healer. I realized while I was no longer people pleasing I was still looking at myself, my limitations, etc and trying to fix them instead of looking at the limitless One. The reason I was still in the messy middle was because I was still making certain things about me. When I’m so busy trying to figure out what’s wrong with me I’m missing out on seeing what other people need. As Rick Warren says, humility is not thinking less of ourselves it’s thinking of ourselves less. When it’s not about my glory and all about Christs I have nothing to lose. When my self worth is not on the line, I am free.
Extra thoughts:
I make it about myself when I fail to set healthy boundaries on my kids out of fear I will be a bad guy. It’s about me when I beat myself up over a mistake and hope someone forgets instead of going to them and apologizing. It’s about me when I say the things I know others want me to say (or do) over what God is asking me to say (or do) to keep a good reputation. This book helped me see my me monsters (Even the sneaky ones that look good), I don’t want to feed him anymore.
If I could I would give this book a 6/5.
Who it may interest: Anyone who wrestles with insecurity.
Helpfulness: so so so good. My friend says she has a pile of life changing books. This is one I’d add to mine. I love many books, but then there are a handful that seem to be exactly what I need said in the exact way I need it…life changing.
Ease of reading: Easy, I flew through it in two days. The thoughts and topics themself weren’t easy per say, but she presented them in such a way that opened my eyes and gave me understanding in very easy ways. Many of the topics I had thought about but they were still a wrestle for me, I didn’t completely get. The way she brought them out brought so much clarity and understanding for me.
Main takeaway: It’s not about me. I have made too many things about me in my life. Not too long ago I reviewed the book “When making others happy is making you miserable” and I made the comment it would be helpful for those who struggle with breaking free from people pleasing, but I needed an extra step to get through the messy middle. This book gave me that. She opened my eyes to the fact that yes we need to heal from hurts, but at some point we have to look outside ourselves and to the Healer. I realized while I was no longer people pleasing I was still looking at myself, my limitations, etc and trying to fix them instead of looking at the limitless One. The reason I was still in the messy middle was because I was still making certain things about me. When I’m so busy trying to figure out what’s wrong with me I’m missing out on seeing what other people need. As Rick Warren says, humility is not thinking less of ourselves it’s thinking of ourselves less. When it’s not about my glory and all about Christs I have nothing to lose. When my self worth is not on the line, I am free.
Extra thoughts:
I make it about myself when I fail to set healthy boundaries on my kids out of fear I will be a bad guy. It’s about me when I beat myself up over a mistake and hope someone forgets instead of going to them and apologizing. It’s about me when I say the things I know others want me to say (or do) over what God is asking me to say (or do) to keep a good reputation. This book helped me see my me monsters (Even the sneaky ones that look good), I don’t want to feed him anymore.
If I could I would give this book a 6/5.
June 28, 2024
I loved this book. I felt like Miller laid out a ton of valuable information that our "me-centered" culture is in desperate need of. I will definitely come back to this book and read certain chapters again. I couldn't quite give this a 5 star review for a few reasons. My first reason was the Bible translations she uses for reference. They get her point across well, so I understand why she chose them, but they are not reliable translations...especially "The Message" translation. Next, she quotes and speaks highly of a few false teachers (Beth Moore, Francis Chan, among others) and she herself claims to be a Pastor on her website where there's a large picture of her with the caption, "Sharon Miller. Pastor, Speaker, Author, PhD"), which I also don't agree with (1 Timothy 2:12). Back to the false teachers...I felt like when she quoted them they could've easily been omitted and she still could've gotten her point across. Maybe even have gotten it across better because right when I see a false teacher being quoted (no matter if that specific quote is a solid one or not) I immediately lose trust in the author because I now know that she has been influenced by false teachers and their doctrines. All in all, there were a few things I didn't agree with, or felt like they were unnecessary, but her sole focus did seem to be on glorifying God. 🙌🏼 I feel like if you pray for guidance and discernment when reading this and be diligent in your Bible studies like the Berean's and cross check everything with your Bible in it's full, original context then this book can definitely be a blessing in your life.
October 3, 2017
"It’s not about you” has always been a phrase that rubbed me the wrong way. That is, until I read the truths between the pages of Free of Me. Free of Me is an anthem calling us to raise our gaze from ourselves and to fix our eyes on Jesus. By fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pressures we feel from self-focus start to fall of like chains, and we discover that true freedom is found when life becomes all about Christ and others and not about us. As Sharon says, “Freedom means you are no longer bound by the tyranny of self, but you are free to focus on Christ.”
As a recovering people pleaser, I found this book so comforting and convicting. I needed this book to remind me that people pleasing really isn’t about others and it slowly eats away at our soul. It doesn’t do ANYONE any good, because it’s not genuine or real. It’s selfish. If you struggle with people pleasing, perfectionism, or are facing difficulties in discovering your identity, this book is an amazing help in breaking those unhealthy patterns. I can’t think of a more important message for our culture than the truths disclosed in Free of Me. This is a MUST READ!
As a recovering people pleaser, I found this book so comforting and convicting. I needed this book to remind me that people pleasing really isn’t about others and it slowly eats away at our soul. It doesn’t do ANYONE any good, because it’s not genuine or real. It’s selfish. If you struggle with people pleasing, perfectionism, or are facing difficulties in discovering your identity, this book is an amazing help in breaking those unhealthy patterns. I can’t think of a more important message for our culture than the truths disclosed in Free of Me. This is a MUST READ!
October 27, 2025
SO. GOOD. Well written, actionable, reflective, and true. If I could sum up what God has taught me the last 4 years, it would be the message of this book:
“God has a plan infinitely bigger than our self esteem. Our healing is only one piece of the puzzle, so we cannot schedule for a gospel that has personal satisfaction at its core. It’s counter intuitive, but this me-centered gospel cannot give us what we want. It only makes the burden bigger and our faith smaller. That’s why God calls us into a bigger story. And strangely enough, the bigger story will give us the joy we seek. When we stop living for ourselves and live fully focused on God, we will encounter freedom and lightness like never before. Of course this is about more than living an abundant life. It’s also about the world, which needs the gospel now as much as ever. As wars rage, children are trafficked, families go hungry, and darkness runs wild, the world needs people of courage, conviction, and action. And the enemy knows this, which is why he does everything in his power to keep us out of the mission and focused on ourselves.”
“God has a plan infinitely bigger than our self esteem. Our healing is only one piece of the puzzle, so we cannot schedule for a gospel that has personal satisfaction at its core. It’s counter intuitive, but this me-centered gospel cannot give us what we want. It only makes the burden bigger and our faith smaller. That’s why God calls us into a bigger story. And strangely enough, the bigger story will give us the joy we seek. When we stop living for ourselves and live fully focused on God, we will encounter freedom and lightness like never before. Of course this is about more than living an abundant life. It’s also about the world, which needs the gospel now as much as ever. As wars rage, children are trafficked, families go hungry, and darkness runs wild, the world needs people of courage, conviction, and action. And the enemy knows this, which is why he does everything in his power to keep us out of the mission and focused on ourselves.”
June 5, 2020
I learned about this author through the She Reads Truth devotional emails. I thought the premise of her book sounded interesting but I will confess that I approached this book a little skeptical because I’ve been burned by bloggers-turned-authors in the past. And because I’ve not yet been delivered of my cynicism towards earnest women’s ministry types.
But boy, oh boy. This woman can preach it and I needed to hear everything she had to say. I especially liked the recurring theme of self-forgetfulness in the book. Miller uses herself as an example throughout and although our life situations are very different, I benefited greatly from reading about her experiences. She gets infinite bonus points for quoting Eugene Peterson, discussing her and her husband’s marriage counselor, and supporting female seminarians. Hurrah! On to her next book!
But boy, oh boy. This woman can preach it and I needed to hear everything she had to say. I especially liked the recurring theme of self-forgetfulness in the book. Miller uses herself as an example throughout and although our life situations are very different, I benefited greatly from reading about her experiences. She gets infinite bonus points for quoting Eugene Peterson, discussing her and her husband’s marriage counselor, and supporting female seminarians. Hurrah! On to her next book!
July 31, 2025
Have you ever tried to save a drowning man by trying to convince him he’s a great swimmer?
I’ve read a number of books in the Christian therapeutic space. They usually have some helpful things to say, but more often than not it ends up feeling like sanctified, quasi-Biblical navel gazing.
This book is a crucial corrective to a Christian culture that’s overly embraced the self-esteem movement. Healing comes not from massaging our wounded egos or trying our best to believe good things about ourselves, but through ceasing to focus on ourselves entirely. Freedom is found when we turn our love towards God and others. That’s the message of Jesus in the sermon on the mount, and the essence of Gospel living.
This may not be a perfect book for everyone - but I think the author and I share many of the same thoughts, struggles, and insecurities. It convicted me of my own unique forms of selfishness.
I’ve read a number of books in the Christian therapeutic space. They usually have some helpful things to say, but more often than not it ends up feeling like sanctified, quasi-Biblical navel gazing.
This book is a crucial corrective to a Christian culture that’s overly embraced the self-esteem movement. Healing comes not from massaging our wounded egos or trying our best to believe good things about ourselves, but through ceasing to focus on ourselves entirely. Freedom is found when we turn our love towards God and others. That’s the message of Jesus in the sermon on the mount, and the essence of Gospel living.
This may not be a perfect book for everyone - but I think the author and I share many of the same thoughts, struggles, and insecurities. It convicted me of my own unique forms of selfishness.
April 1, 2022
I his book was really good. I loved how she gave the analogy of the mirror.. we look at everyone as a mirror, reflecting something about us… if someone doesn’t want to hang out, for example, we automatically assume it’s something about us..
she speaks of how this, and many other examples, of self focus is actually not low self esteem, but thinking too highly of ourselves. The only way to stop this trend is to not think better about ourselves or how much God loves us, it’s to refocus on Gods character .
Such a great read for anyone who feels they struggle with low self esteem, friendship or any relational issues or who recognizes pride in their lives.
she speaks of how this, and many other examples, of self focus is actually not low self esteem, but thinking too highly of ourselves. The only way to stop this trend is to not think better about ourselves or how much God loves us, it’s to refocus on Gods character .
Such a great read for anyone who feels they struggle with low self esteem, friendship or any relational issues or who recognizes pride in their lives.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 27, 2025
This was really good. I definitely connected with some sections more than others, but since it’s a pretty comprehensive survey of all the areas we make our lives about us, this is expected. Two ideas in the book especially convicted me and are my main “take-away”. First, the idea of image management - managing how people see you. Her example was making a snide remark about her husband when he embarrassed her at a party, and she wanted to distance herself from his actions. Another example was apologizing to dinner guests for how ugly her dishes were (her dad gave them to use temporarily, and she didn’t want her friends to think she had bad taste in dishes). I do this kind of thing ALL the time - with my stuff, my husband, my kids. The second area that was handled with grace and a conviction was the idea that insecurities contain lies AND truths, revealing truths about our idols, our misplaced focus, and our misplaced priorities.
February 10, 2020
Wow! What can I say? This book is such an insightful and liberating read-to get our focus off of ourselves and onto those around us. Sharon gives light to the topics of our struggle with people pleasing, vanity, greed, and other important subjects. It is told in such a graceful way+in her own transparency, she shares how she was able to overcome these various things and move forward in God's purpose, for His glory. None of this life is about us. It's all about Him. Such a great read! Definitely one that I will come back to time and time again.
October 2, 2017
Sharon's writing is insightful, encouraging, and challenging all at the same time. She opens up her heart for us to read and learn from her experiences. When reading this book, I feel like I'm sitting across from her, engaging in a conversation about life and faith.
She reveals so clearly the areas in which she experienced self-focus, helping me have the "a-ha" moment that I, like everyone else, need to be freed with my own preoccupation with self.
This book is timely and is a great one to work through slowly so you're able to digest each precious concept.
She reveals so clearly the areas in which she experienced self-focus, helping me have the "a-ha" moment that I, like everyone else, need to be freed with my own preoccupation with self.
This book is timely and is a great one to work through slowly so you're able to digest each precious concept.
January 8, 2022
Highly recommend for any one seeking to fully embrace Christ and the Christian life. So many of these principles had me nodding my head in agreement as I have seen these principles prove true in my life. The more I can die to myself the more I can live in Christ, and the happier and fuller my life. This is somewhat the anti-self-help book, as it doesn't just cheerlead you on but points you to truth about who you are and where you can go for true peace and joy.
August 22, 2022
I wasn't sure about this book a friend had recommended but as i dug in found really great truth in its pages. She tackles many areas we often get self centered or self conscious over and she pushes us to see how God provides a better way through jesus and how training our eyes and hearts to him helps us to not only be free from the hindrances but free to live fully through authentic obedient discipleship of Jesus.
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October 22, 2017A refreshing and theologically sound pushback against the self-help approach to Christianity. Chapter division breakdowns, suggested focus verses, and discussion questions make this a good choice for group study.
March 2, 2018
A really good book on how to redeem our insecurities. I’ll probably go back to this one in a print version because I know I missed some things through audio :-)
January 22, 2019
Such an instructional and practical read. She breaks down why we are insecure and how to get our head out of that joy-sucking mentality. I want all my friends to read this!
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