How Then, Shall We Live?: Four Simple Questions That Reveal the Beauty and Meaning of Our Lives

by Wayne Muller

We all long to experience a sense of inner wholeness and guidance, but today's notions of healing and recovery too often keep us focused on our brokenness, on our deficiencies rather than our strengths. Wayne Muller's luminous new book gently guides us to the place where we are already perfect, already blessed with the wisdom we need to live a life of meaning, purpose and grace.



He starts, as do so many spiritual teachers, with simple questions: Who am I? What do I love? How shall I live, knowing I will die? What is my gift to the family of the earth? He then takes us deeper, exploring each question through transformative true stories. We meet men and women--Wayne's neighbors, friends, patients--who have discovered love, courage, and kindness even in the midst of sorrow and loss. And through them we glimpse that relentless spark of spiritual magic that burns within each of us.



Woven throughout are contemplations, daily practices, poems, and teachings from the great wisdom teachings. Page by page, we become more awake to the joy and mystery of this precious human life, and to the unique gifts every one of us has to offer the world.

Genres: Spirituality, Nonfiction, Self Help, Christianity, Personal Development, Religion, Personal Growth

304 pages, Paperback

First published May 5, 1996

Reviews

[Letitia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I took away a lot from this book. It was exactly what I needed to start my day with reflection and purpose. It was more impactful at the beginning than the end. Much of the middle and end felt disjointed, as though Muller had lost the thesis somewhat. And the end, the part I wanted to read the most because my biggest struggle at this moment is figuring out what the heck my purpose in life is...fell flat. It didn't generate any new thoughts or wisdom or drive me to a better understanding of my role in the world.

But to focus on that is to be unfair, because this is a beautiful little book. It is touching, personal, probing, and sweet. It does not shy away from pain at all, but also calls us into gratitude and a focus on identifying ourselves not by our illness, not by our trauma, but by a deeper identity. I really needed that. Gorgeous words and the occasional poem and quote really make this a soul-fulfilling read.

[Elyse · Rating 4 out of 5]

A refreshingly direct, rich, and straightforward discussion of spirituality and personal integrity. Read a little ... integrate a little ... read a little more ...

Muller, an ordained minister and practicing psychotherapist, shares a wealth of personal and poignant stories. I welcomed that his narrative style offers stories with which ordinary people can resonate.

The book is structured by the questions:
1) Who am I?
2) What do I love?
3) How shall I live, knowing I will die?
4) What is my gift to the family of the Earth?
Nice discussion of each question, sufficiently in-depth to be insightful and yet sufficiently open-ended to evoke the reader's own exploration. Several great exercises to try, readily practiced in an everyday life.

I also appreciated the nice range of resources cited to complement his own writing, including Christian, Jewish, and Buddhist texts ~ but not limited to these.

I borrowed it from our local library ~ will be happy to have my own copy one day!

[Bart Everson · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me seven years to read this book. That's almost two years for each of the author's "four simple questions." And it was worth every minute!

Incidentally, I discovered this book through reading Sentipensante (Sensing/Thinking) Pedagogy: Educating for Wholeness, Social Justice and Liberation by Laura Rendón. I realized I had already facilitated a discussion on the first question in 2010, and over the remainder of the decade, I convened discussions on each of the remaining questions. Muller's book served as the inspiration and basis for those conversations. Highly recommended for personal reflection.

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wayne Muller is an ordained minister, psychotherapist and best-selling author. A graduate of Harvard Divinity School, he has spent the last twenty-five years working closely with some of the most disadvantaged members of society. He founded Bread for the Journey, a national, nonprofit charity serving the poor and underprivileged. Muller's meditation on four simple questions takes him far afield into revealing much of himself, the struggles and victories of the many he helps and into beautiful, illustrative literature and stories from world religions. At the end of each section he has inventive exercises that help the reader find her answer to these immortal questions. The questions:

Who am I? The way we feel about ourselves, the way we live our lives depends upon how we answer this question. Am I the sum of my symptoms? Am I the roles I play, my job titles, what others think of me? Have I shrunk to the circumference of a label others placed upon me? Or is there a hidden wholeness within that I must strive to connect with each day? Jesus answered the question in saying "You are the light of the world?" He did not say you are the light of the world if you grew up in a rich or famous family, or if you are svelte and good looking, if you have never been abused or a child of a broken home. "No, regardless of the shape of the sorrow or victory or grief or ecstasy we have been given, there is a potent inner luminosity that is never extinguished and is alive in us this instant." (17). We come into the world with a true self that lets us know when we have gone astray from our nature as children of God. Ask yourself throughout the day, "Who am I?" Pay attention to the breadth of your answers. Which reflect your deepest nature?

What do I love? You cannot love everything or everyone. Jesus said "Where your treasure is there will you heart be also." The aim of this section is to help you with the fruitful challenge of discerning and choosing those things you truly love -- to reset your center of gravity. Who and what gets most of your attention. "Attention is the tangible measure of love" (p. 87) Look through you date book, recall your week. Where are most of you time and energy going? This is where your love is going too. Do you need a course correction, a realignment between what you do and what you profess doing? In a world where doing is more important that being, we can easily lose ourselves in doing too much. Gather some magazines and cut out those pictures that seem powerful and intriguing. As you do this keep in mind this one question, "What do I love?" What do you notice of each, how do they make you feel, pick one and ask what it says to you about your inner life, what you love? (P. 123)

How shall I live, knowing I will die? It is life's impermanence that makes us value it so dearly. Nothing intensifies life as the scare of facing death. Suddenly, life is intense, the unnecessary fades, worries about money are eclipsed by the preciousness of our remaining time. If we are not careful, our life becomes a joyless grind of work and chores. How many of us want immortality but don't know what to do with ourselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon? Who of us is just passing through this life waiting for a happier more fulfilling afterlife? Take an hour to plan your own memorial service. Who do you want to be there, for what do you want to be remembered, what do you want people to say? What is the primary legacy of your life? What would you like your epitaph to say? This exercise may afford you some surprises about the kind of life you want to live. What one thing can you do to begin this life? (P. 204)

What is my gift to the family on the earth? If you believe what Jesus told you that you are the light of the world, then upon what do you shine that light? Or do you hide it behind sorrow, or hurts and try to save it like the last morsel of bread? It is only from the broken places of our life that our light can shine. It is in suffering we gain wisdom, and in trials that we learn empathy. Our gift is ourselves, in whatever manifestation of generosity we share it. Daily we are given opportunities to offer our gifts to fellow workers, family, strangers, to the lonely, dying, to our planet and its many endangered species who have given us so much. Take a day and track your impulse to give in different circumstances. Does giving emerge naturally or is it hindered by a sense of obligation, or resentment? Notice how it feels to give of yourself. Does it produce happiness or leave you feeling weary and drained? (P. 253).

How Then, Shall We Live? makes you aware of the need to listen and to learn from your inner life. As Emerson wrote "Our life is an apprenticeship to truth, that around every circle another can be drawn . . . under every deep a lower deep opens."

[Lori · Rating 3 out of 5]

- Meditate on these 4 questions o gently awaken the fundamental reasons of our inner life:
1) Identity: Who Am I? When we know who we are, we can feel comfortable with ourselves, live clearly and courageously. Without knowing we live tentatively, guessing where to go and what to do.
2) Love: What Do I Love?
3) Daily Practice: How Shall I live, Knowing I will Die?
4) Kindness: What is My Gift to the Family of the Earth?
- Live the questions. Perhaps 1 day you will gradually, w/o noticing it, live into the answers
- Buddha - - be lamps into yourselves; be your own confidence. Hold to the truth within yourselves as the only truth.
- Thru discussion, prayer, quiet meditation and creative exercises, try to uncover the natural wisdom and courage needed to live our lives fully and well
- We name ourselves and this colors how we live:
- Think fragile and broken, live a fragile and broken life
- Think strong and wise, live with enthusiasm and courage
- Names can suffocate peoples unfolding and limit the breadth of their spiritual evolution
PRACTICE: Examine your schedule - - this is where you dedicate your precious days, hours and moments. This is what receives your care and attention, and by definition, your love. Are these the people and things you wish to receive the gift of your love? We become what we love.
- Courage is rooted in Latin cor, heart; to be courageous is to follow teachings of your heart

[Becky Morlok · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love Wayne Muller......Did this book in a Bible study....

[Gail · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing book that is a must-read for anyone with a reflective nature. Great storytelling as he addresses the four big questions we all need to answer. He is terrific in person as well.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wayne Muller's How, Then, Shall We Live? is a luminous, heart-driven exploration of the human journey—one that gracefully weaves together psychology, sociology, and theology in a way that few writers manage. It is a book rich in questions, stories, and soulful invitations. While it falls just short of the lasting brilliance of his masterpiece Sabbath, this work stands firmly as a close second—highly readable, deeply nourishing, and undeniably inspirational.

Muller organizes the book around four essential questions: Who am I? What do I love? How shall I live knowing I will die? What is my gift to the family of the Earth? These questions serve as anchor points for his reflections, offering a framework that is simultaneously personal and universal. He writes with the grace of a pastor, the insight of a therapist, and the curiosity of a social thinker. This cross-pollination of disciplines gives the book its depth. Psychology, with its focus on inner life; sociology, with its understanding of community and systemic influence; and theology, with its attention to mystery, spirit, and meaning—all find their voice here.

The book’s greatest strength is in its stories. Muller doesn’t preach—he invites. He shares real accounts of people who are navigating suffering, transformation, and hope. These narratives are where his wisdom shines brightest. They’re not abstract or lofty. They’re grounded, textured, often messy, and always human. From those confronting grief, to individuals discovering their vocation late in life, Muller has a way of making each moment sacred without sentimentality.

His prose is meditative, almost prayer-like at times. There’s a rhythm to it—like liturgy—that gently opens the reader rather than demanding conclusions. He guides without pushing, often letting a question or story linger. For readers seeking something more than self-help platitudes, this tone is a balm.

Still, the book is not without its flaws. While the four guiding questions are powerful, they can feel too tidy for the complexity of human life. We are not always able to separate identity, love, mortality, and purpose so neatly. Life’s most transformative questions often don’t appear in order, and they rarely stay answered. As the book unfolds, some chapters feel slightly disjointed, as if Muller is wandering from his core thread—not lost, but meandering. That lack of full coherence weakens the structure somewhat. The book ends more like a soft exhale than a conclusive insight, which is either a strength or a shortcoming depending on the reader’s desire for clarity.

Despite this, How, Then, Shall We Live? remains a beautiful, impactful book. It’s a companion for people in transition, seekers, those in grief or healing, or anyone wondering what it means to live with integrity in a fractured world. Muller doesn’t offer a roadmap. He offers lanterns, questions, and presence.

Ultimately, this is a four-star book. Not perfect, but full of grace. Not absolute, but deeply wise. And in the end, it’s worth reading—not just for the answers, but for the life it encourages us to examine more honestly and live more fully.

[James]

We all long to experience a sense of inner wholeness and guidance, but today's notions of healing and recovery too often keep us focused on our brokenness, on our deficiencies rather than our strengths. Wayne Muller's luminous new book gently guides us to the place where we are already perfect, already blessed with the wisdom we need to live a life of meaning, purpose and grace.He starts, as do so many spiritual teachers, with simple questions: Who am I? What do I love? How shall I live, knowing I will die? What is my gift to the family of the earth? He then takes us deeper, exploring each question through transformative true stories. We meet men and women--Wayne's neighbors, friends, patients--who have discovered love, courage, and kindness even in the midst of sorrow and loss. And through them we glimpse that relentless spark of spiritual magic that burns within each of us.Woven throughout are contemplations, daily practices, poems, and teachings from the great wisdom teachings. Page by page, we become more awake to the joy and mystery of this precious human life, and to the unique gifts every one of us has to offer the world.

[Jay Ehret · Rating 4 out of 5]

The version says unabridged, but I also have the Kindle version of this book and the Audible edition is definitely abridged.

Because Muller is an ordained Methodist minister, one might expect this book to be written from a Christian perspective, but it is not. While Muller does often quote Jesus (not scripture) he also quotes Buddha and Judaism. This could be classified as a "New Age" book.

I found the book very helpful in self reflection and I actually used the questions and stories for a series of Sunday School lesson, from a Christian perspective.

Muller's narration is slow, methodical, and somewhat comforting. He does adlib from the book version and he is not reading a script.

[Matthew WK · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly well written and thought-out book on ways to increase your happiness and awareness. Although a Harvard Divinity grad and minister, Mueller approaches this book from a number of different spiritual traditions. I appreciate the fact he includes things such as silent retreats, stillness, and mindfulness in his discussion of learning to be who you truly are. He takes a number of universal concepts which transcend religion and brings the central themes to the fore. Along the way he provides exercise to more fully explore who we are and what it means to be a human being. I really can't recommend this enough.

[John Ascione · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have gleaned wisdom from reading Wayne's book...over the last 30 years. I'm not kidding.
I still pull it out to read every now and then.
At one point in the book, Waynee tells us about a sick person he visited, whose life was nearing its end. Wayne asked this fellow, if he could do over any part of his life, what would he change. His response changed my life.
Nope, not telling. You should read it yourself.
PS
The story about the village and songs they sang. Beautiful.

[Jap Hengky · Rating 4 out of 5]

To live is to learn , to offer, and to teach. We are part of all this. Here, alive on the earth, we receive and we give. We receive the care of so many, and we too - in our life and in our death-open our hand so that our gifts may fertilize joy, kindness, and healing for ourselves, and for all our family on the earth.

[Twitchmatic · Rating 4 out of 5]

Who am I?
What Do I Love?
How Shall I Live, Knowing I Will Die?
What Is My Gift, to the Family of the Earth?

The author explores these four questions with a wide variety of stories, reflections, poems, and anecdotes. In addition, most sections end with a Practise section with practical points to do/consider.

I will be coming back to the book regularly to mine the depths contained. So good.

[Wrdwrrior · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lovely, well written book that causes you to think deeply about your place in the world. The four questions posed are Who am I, What do I love, How shall I live knowing I am going to die, and What is my gift to the family of the world. A worthy read.

[Tracy Blanchard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful, powerful, moving. A must read for those on a spiritual journey, whatever that looks like.

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has been my favorite of Mueller’s books. Not too sappy. Encouraging us to find and be our true selves and give of that to others.

[Marshall · Rating 3 out of 5]

This could have been a lot better were it not assigned reading.

[Jeff Garrison · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wayne Muller is an ordained minister (he doesn’t give a denomination), a psychotherapist and the founder of “Bread for the Journey,†a ministry in Northern New Mexico. In this book he addresses four basic questions: “Who Am I? What do I love? How shall I live knowing that I will die? What is my gift to the family of the earth?†Muller draws upon his experiences in working with people (especially the poor, those with AIDS, and those in his clinical practice) and a vast knowledge of Christian, Jewish, Chinese, Buddhist and Native American spirituality. Each section of the book provides numerous stories and quotes as well as exercises to help the reader come to his or her own answer to the question. Early in the book, he tells a story from the Buddha in which he equates a story with a raft. It’s not to be carried as baggage, but to be used to help you get to the other side of a river. Like with a raft, once the lesson is learned, a story is to be let go. (36-7)


Each section has numerous stories that vary in length from half a page to a few pages. Although the stories focus on the same topic, they don’t necessarily flow together. This allows the book to be read as a devotional, a few pages at a time. The strength of the book is in the diversity of stories from around the world. If any areas are underrepresented, it would be Islamic and Hindu authors (although he does quote the Sufi poet Rumi and a Hindu holy man). This book is a storehouse of knowledge. For Christians that may have a problem with so many references to non-Christian sources, I would remind them of the doctrine of “Common Grace.†Muller doesn’t offer clichés as answers to his questions. Instead, he encourages us to struggle with the questions ourselves. This is the second book by Muller I’ve read. The first was Sabbath: Restoring the Sacred Rhythm of Rest. I recommend them both.

[Sue Tincher · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a really touching motivational book. The four questions:
Who am I?
What do I love?
How shall I live, knowing I will die? and
What is my gift to the family of the Earth?
were very much to the point of thinking about how to live a good life, and one that is true to yourself. Muller had a great way of interspersing readings, poems, and recountings of his own personal experiences and those of his acquaintances. The main point I got out of it is to do the things that are important to you, and not to be afraid you are not living up to someone else's standard. In this way, your gifts to others and the world will really shine out.

[Kaye · Rating 1 out of 5]

I loved Sabbath, but for some reason I found this book to be a real snooze-fest. For me, I think the issue was that all of the examples and illustrations were very disjointed, with a lot of jumping around. It seemed that no paragraph followed another, and on every other page a new human subject was introduced and then discarded. The topic was interesting, but the lack of continuity made me disinterested.

[Divya · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this up because the library didn't carry "Sabbath" a book that my yoga teacher recommended this past week. I loved the writing, riveting and deeply honest. can't wait to get my hands on "Sabbath".

[Aggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another excellent book by Wayne Muller.... explores these questions.... Who AM I? What do I love? How shall I live, Knowing I will Die? What is my gift to the family of the earth?

[Ellie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great guide for people who are trying to live fully, and incorporates faith and psychology.

[Carole · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an awesome book, one which I have needed all my life. Its message is so meaningful to me, a recovering alcoholic, a child of a dysfunctional home.

[Barb · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an amazing spiritual and meaningful book. It is a terrific alternative to anxiety moments that will help in a therapeutic way. I recommend this book as something to refer to over and over.

[Alexandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a wonderful companion in a time of grief and a gentle, eye-opening walk into a deeper reality of our sacred mortality.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another good one by Muller!

[Jean · Rating 3 out of 5]

It has been some years since I have read this book. The fact that I kept it in my library and did some highlighting in it indicates felt it was a book worth a second read. I liked it,

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

top spiritual book 1996