We Don't Talk Anymore

by Kathy McCoy

Understand the painful silence of estrangement and finally heal the rift Estrangement from an adult son or daughter is one of a parent's worst nightmares. Becoming estranged from a parent can be equally painful for an adult child, who may miss the relationship they once shared. For both it can mean angry silences and anguished days and nights wondering what went wrong. Written by Kathy McCoy, one of the nation's more revered experts on family relationships, We Don't Talk Anymore is a insightful and relevant new exploration of estrangement for both parents and adult children. Each chapter also provides compassionate, practical tips focused on what both parents and adult children can do, including: Families deserve clarity and understanding. We Don't Talk Anymore will show you those first steps toward dealing with a painful topic and finally healing.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Mental Health

368 pages, Paperback

Published October 3, 2017

About the author

Kathleen McCoy, PhD is a psychotherapist and the award-winning author of a dozen books including ALA's Best Books for Young Adults winner The Teenage Body Book (Random House, 2008) and Understanding Your Teenager's Depression (Perigee, 2005). Dr. McCoy was the columnist for Seventeen's "Sex and Your Body" and she is a former editor of Teen. Dr. McCoy has also written for national publications such as Readers Digest, The New York Times, Family Circle, Mademoiselle, TV Guide and The Journal of Clinical Child Psychology. Dr. McCoy and her husband recently moved from Los Angeles to Florence, Arizona, a small historic town where they live with their four cats Gus, Maggie, SweetPea and Hamish.

Reviews

[Michele Hirsch · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written book about parent and adult child estrangement. The best features of the book are that:
- Each chapter clearly describes the features of the problem.
- The examples from parents and their adult children are usually on point.
- The author uses practical findings from clinical studies and even scientific findings about epigenetics, which was a surprise.
- Strategies to both remedy and (sadly) live with estrangement are offered.
The only down side is that some of the stories of estrangement aren't actually of people who have the problem, but just having issues that MIGHT lead to estrangement. I may be quibbling, but I think that these are two different issues (similar to dealing with someone who is ill as opposed to mourning someone who has died). The issues are related, but definitely not the same.
However, overall this was a good read!

[Allison Dunlap · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some of the chapters described my situation so well, I would've thought she had interviewed me for her book. I found some solace knowing I'm not alone, it's a plight many families face for a variety of reasons. I found the book helpful and enlightening, to first look inward to see what I may have done to contribute to the estrangement and change what is in my power to change in hope of a reconciliation but also not to beat myself up, forever ruminating or wondering if I had done things different, how it could've been avoided. it is what it is.

[Jmwt · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was ok

If you have been to therapy most of this stuff is pretty basic and non-revelatory

If you have NOT been to therapy, and dug deep in to your family, your self, and family dynamics, this could be an excellent resource.

I did not realize estrangements were this common - I thought my separation from my FOI was unique.

Not unique at all -people just don't want to talk about it- we all want to pretend we are the Kennedys playing football together harmoniously in Cape Cod.

[Regina Price · Rating 1 out of 5]

70% of the book describes estrangement. 20% is about helping the children. The rest is actually some what related to healing from being estranged, or coping with it...with the tagline "Healing AFTER Parents and Their Adult Children Become Estranged" one would be lead to assume that most of the book would offer ways to carry on not a mere 19 pages at the end as an afterthought. It is painful when your child goes no contact and this book is of very little help.

[CaliNativeBalboa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a thoughtful, heartfelt resource for families who with adult children who have become estranged. McCoy offers explanations how and why families become estranged and more importantly, strategies for parents and adult children to mend their estrangement.
What would have made it even better, or perhaps a topic of an additional book (if she hasn't written one already), is a guide to prevent and repair irreparable differences while families are still together.

[Maggie the Muskoka Library Mouse · Rating 2 out of 5]

Took me a long time to read, and a lot of the writing is repetitive. There are some great suggestions on how to navigate the tricky situations, and the author obviously knows the subject matter inside and out, which is evident throughout the book. It’s written in an approachable manner as well, which is helpful for the layperson.

[Tina Panik · Rating 4 out of 5]

Immensely helpful, modern, and practical. Designed to understand both sides of a rift, with conversation starters from both perspectives. I’d love if McCoy could write a version of this for the workplace.

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good starting place for those in this situation. A bit general and basic in the root causes because it is appealing to large audience. But definitely helps!

[Heddy Panik · Rating 4 out of 5]

A helpful book that people should read!

[Tana · Rating 4 out of 5]

A well-researched and well-written book on a painful topic for many families.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

A practical read with plenty of personal stories and illustrations, as well as advice and psychology, which I found to be helpful and encouraging.