Heartbreak's A Bitch!

Heartbreak #1

by S.M. Phillips

Unlucky in love Emily Parker is about to turn thirty. The big three-0!
Yet, the dream house, perfect husband and cute little children are nowhere to be seen; a little like her sex life.

Instead, most nights consist of a dine in for one, a few bottles of wine and the odd fumble with Vinnie the Vibrator, if she's lucky; so long as she has remembered to stock up on the batteries.

Is this now her life?
It's a far cry from where she imagined it would be when she reached her prime.
Where did it all go wrong? Even the big wide world of online dating isn't getting her anywhere, fast.

Right now, the only thing that Emily knows, is that Heartbreak's a bitch!

Genres: Chick Lit

314 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 29, 2017

About the author

S.M Phillips is a fun loving mum from Manchester. When she’s not busy writing, you’ll most likely find her head buried deep inside her kindle with a cup of coffee in hand. Talk to her when she’s reading and things could get pretty colourful, pretty fast, just ask her Hubby.
She is a lover of chocolate, especially if it has peanut butter inside and loves a good cocktail or two. She often wonders if she should spend more time buying shoes, but then she remembers her never ending TBR list and realises that money can be spent on more important things… Books.
Stay up to date with S.M Phillips and follow her here:
~ https://www.facebook.com/sphillipsauthor
~ https://www.twitter.com/s_m_phillips_
~ https://www.smphillipsauthor.wordpres...

Reviews

[Danielle's · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heartbreak’s a Bitch! is the first book I’ve read that felt like a real story in modern-day working class Britain (Sorry that was a bit of a mouthful). It reminded me of an English version of sex and the city. It’s classed as a romance but I felt this book is about Emily.

Emily is a young lady who is trying to juggle life and have fun. She doesn’t always get it right but she’s easygoing and a little crazy. She works in an office and lives the drama of it. Emily new boss is a bit of a bitch. She isn’t Emily’s biggest fan. She has a few fun co-workers that help her get through the day and a great bestie, Rachel. Her love life isn’t going to plan, she drinks too much and swears a lot. Her life is about to take a strange turn when she gets suspended from work. Her ex-boyfriend has sent her a mystery package and Matt her friend from the office is actually messaging with everyone. Her life is a little crazy but her friends are there to help her through it. This is the beginning of a series, therefore, the story continues in Love, Lies and Louboutins. These can be found in the Kindle Unlimited store. I read the first book free on Amazon, however, I also have Kindle Unlimited.

This was something different. The language takes a little while to adjust to, but it is the northern English tongue. 4 stars out of 5. Unique and realistic characters.

[S.M. Phillips · Rating 5 out of 5]

[Lady Living In Bookland · Rating 4 out of 5]

Emily Parker is not a character I'll be forgetting in a hurry! This loveable, hilarious, icy-black-hearted single woman is just hilarious....especially with her best friend Rachel on hand to be her counterpart and tell her as it is...as only best friends can!

Excerpt:
"One day someone may just surprise you and finally break down those steel walls and cut right through that icy, black heart of yours."

But Rachel is keen to see her friend happy. And so naturally tries to play matchmaker and find her a nice man...

Excerpt:
A man? Rachel, what is he, a bloody unicorn or something? I'm sorry to break it to you sweetie, but they don't exist. Boys? Yes. Ar$eh0les? Hell I've met plenty of those, but men, actual real men? They're nothing but mythical creatures. An urban legend...

Cue my hysterical laughter - Emily is a closet comedian and her internal monologue had my sides hurting. Seriously funny. From adverse lady garden waxing scenes to rebellious vajayjays - the laughter just keeps coming...

Excerpt:
I guess it's fair to say that I've been living a lie for the past twenty-nine years. Ladies be warned, it's not just men that think and act with their Genitalia. Us girls and our vajayjay's are pretty rebellious too.

But the storyline of Emily's work and a dismissal she's been facing is the more serious storyline throughout the book. With the help of Rachel will she ever let a man in on her independent Beyoncé ways? And the men? Oh the surprise gift left by an ex, the cocky one night stand workmate, or the seriously hot model-like match-make. Emily has some serious stuff going on in this story amidst the humour.

The only criticism I have for this story is how quickly it ended. I wasn't ready for the story to end and can't help but feel a little sad that it did without an epilogue. But all in all a seriously witty, smart and side-hurting, face-Acher of a book!

Excerpt:
You really need to get your life in order, Parker. Asap.

4.5* rating

[2OCC Reviews · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love the idea of this book being about a woman in her 30s moving forward with her life and we get to see where it leads. The concept was different and I loved the cover.


Emily was funny but I thought she tried too hard. I wanted to love her as a person but I felt she lacked certain characteristics that a heroine should. But I did enjoy some of her witty inner dialogue.

I really liked the rules of heartbreak. The way that they were explained was fun and truthful. Any women that has had her heart broken totally will understand this part of the book and giggle at the irony.

I really like the secondary character of Rachel. She was quick witted and told it how it was and that makes for a good supporting lead in a book.

I understand that Bloody is a word used in the British culture, but I have to say I was annoyed with the overuse of the word in this book. It seemed like every page it was there and I truly found my self annoyed.

There was no love story in this book. Yes, there was a few date, and then bam someone is in love with her the end? No, that's not romance to me, and it wasn't even the guy she went on the dates with. I hate to say it but this book was just a story about a women who is living her life but I just couldn't connect.

Overall, I wanted to love this book but I found my mind wandering off while I was reading, that's not a good sign. I did like aspects of the book and the plot was interesting and maybe I was just having an off reading day but it lacked a lot of things to be a good romance novel. At the end it said Emily and Rachel will be back, but sadly I don't think I will continue. 2.5/3 stars

[Linda Rea · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story had me in stitches from the beginning even the sad parts ended up funny. Emily is trying to hold her head up after she was dumped by her boyfriend of five years. She works tirelessly every day and Matt at work offers to date her but he is so full of himself she can't do it. Her best friend Rachel is bound to find her a man so she puts her on Tinder where she meets Noah a really great looking guy. Emily is so shocked that a hot guy would want to go on a date with her she drops her phone and shatters the screen. Then all of a sudden she is called on the carpet and suspended until an investigation is done and she still doesn't know what she did. Now you would think you would be sad for poor Emily but the situations she gets herself in are just too funny. Great story and a perfect getaway and I am sure hoping there is another story so we can see how the Emily, Rachel and even Matt are doing.
I received this book for free and I have decided to review it.

[AJ's Book ReMarks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Met S.M. Phillips @ IAM a bookhorder's takeover, she reminded me of a younger version of Bridget Jones. Reading her book was @ times laugh out loud funny, other times I wanted to cry with Emily Parker & have a pity fest. The development of characters Emily & Rachel were great but the others needed some more details to be considered a 5 star. Overall, fantastic read.

[Geraldine Evans · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quirky , funny ,

Honestly I really enjoyed the book. I loved how fiercely she protected her friends and how she would do anything for them and likewise .
My only downsides is it could of been more . Her innervoice that kept talking was funny but I kept getting lost to who was talking , her or the innervoice . Her and Matt could of had more of a thing going . But other then that great read .

[TheresaK · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing!

First off, I truly enjoyed the actual reading of the story. Good writing that kept me reading while I was enduring some pretty maddening physical pain(knee replacement surgery). Few books have kept my interests. Now I am really looking forward to these two friends next book installment.

[Lauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

the story is about a woman who has been recently broken up with. She's partially miserable in their job but then is suspended for unknown reasons. The storyline had quite a bit of potential but I felt let down by the author. Too many things went unanswered or didn't make sense at the end of the day. I do not plan on reading any more books about these characters

[Stephanie Lacluyze · Rating 2 out of 5]

Skimmed through most of the book

This book was not a comedy at all. I didn't connect with the characters and Emily was a pretty nasty person. It was hard to follow and read, skipped around a lot and unfortunately did not hold my interest.

[Patricia · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a joke of a book, I haven't read anything as bad as this one in so bloody long time that I kept reading out of self punishment.

First of all, let's say that the beginning was promising, I got interested because, come on, Matt was there and he seemed like an interesting character, bad guy, tattoos, good old banter...could I have been more wrong? he was there for like, 5 seconds....and he was "important" to the story.

There were times that I would get lost and had to read the same page over again, even turning pages back just to check if she was actually "speaking" or simply "thinking", let me clarify this one, she, Emily, spends 98% of the book just thinking, if we cut and pasted all the actual conversations on this book, we could come with a total of 10 pages, tops.

The "mystery" was so bloody obvious that you actually feel like, a) Emily is as dumb as a doornail or b) the writer didn't know how to drag this book anymore.... She describes Emily as a very efficient employee who actually loves her job, she has a passion for mobiles and iphones and i-things in general...well...for such a fantastic employee she never, like NEVER checks her e-mails, she doesn't investigate her identity being stolen and she doesn't even open he mail! At some point she changes mobiles phones but for some idiotic reason she changes number as well...come on! who changes numbers just because your phone is bloody broken!?!?!?!?! Tell me who!!!! She has a package sitting at home for the duration of the book and conveniently opens it toward the end of the story, which by the way, isn't an ending at all, just the hint of book #3...what a joke!
All in all, I am giving it 2 stars because I am feeling super generous and because I didn't pay for it since it was a freebie on amazon. book #2 is about 150 pages long and nearly 4€...let's just say I am skipping this one...there is not amount of patience left in me for this author...non whatsoever.

[C.J. Fallowfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was my first read by Phillips, and I have to admit that even though I was provided with an ARC, that gorgeous cover had already caught my eye and it was on my list to buy and try.
Following a few momentous weeks in the life of likeable heroine Emily Parker, we are taken on a journey from her heartbreak over the end of her long term relationship with Tyler, over her confused feelings towards her BFF at work, Matt, and hot new love interest Noah. Throw in a female boss, who really steals the bitch mantle, and trouble at work, all laced with classic British humour and you have a really easy-going, light, and entertaining novel. I smile at humour quite often, but it's rare for me to laugh out loud at a novel, but this one made me do just that a few times.
While I did really enjoy it, there were numerous editing issues - most didn't detract from the flow of the story, but some did leave me confused who was speaking, or whether I'd skipped a page or two and had me re-reading the odd paragraph to work out what was happening. The story, once Emily decided who she wanted out of the two men she was torn between, ended really abruptly and it felt like it wasn't complete. Answers were missing that I'd expect if this is to be read as a standalone. While the book itself says Emily and her female BFF Rachel, another great character, will be back, there was no indication in the blurb or synopsis that this was a series so I was expecting a completely satisfying standalone when I went in. Due to those niggles, it's a 3.75 stars from me - without those, I'd happily have given it a 4.5. It certainly hasn't put me off trying more of Phillips work though.
**An ARC was provided by the author in exchange for an honest and unbiased review**

[Bunny Piamonte Bañes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreak's a Bitch is one book that anybody can easily relate with. Most of us, if not all, has experienced being heart broken. Either by a lover, a friend or somebody who we look up to like what happened to Emily. Thank you Steph for sharing with me an ARC of this amazing book. An emotional read that has touched my heart deeply.

I didn't connect with the story at the beginning. Maybe because I was used to reading books with the heroine falling in love almost immediately at the beginning. But as I was getting deeper into the story, I was enjoying reading about the relationship between two best friends, Emily and Rachel. I love how Rachel helped Emily cope with her heartache and trials at work. Both actually being each other's shoulder to cry on and cheerer in times of sadness. A story about true friendship. A special love shared by two best friends.

I love how we were introduced to two gorgeous men, Matt and Noah.
Emily spending time with both of them had me guessing who she would end up with. The suspense was killing me. But the thrill got me excited and putting the book down was hard. Now I know we are in for a more exciting book two. I can't wait to finally read Emily's happily ever after because she truly deserves it after all the heartaches she endured.
Two thumbs up & a bit more enthusiastic cheers to spare!

[Karenj · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just as Rachel is starting to get her life back on track following her break-up from the man she thought she would spend her life with - being persuaded by her bestie Rachel to try Tinder which begrudgingly Rachel admits to herself she's become swipe happy on, having a date with the hottest guy to grace her dreams with recently .. also the work of Rachel (we all need a best friend like Rachel, eh?) - fate decides to grace her life with the odd spanner in the works. Rachel loves her job, just not her new boss, daddy's girl Cruella de b**ch aka Amanda. It's clear that the feeling is mutual and unfairly Amanda is going to try and get the upper hand. Throw in a fling with a colleague, an unfortunate escapade with a foof waxing and a few other hilarities along the way and you have yourself a smirkworthy read. Ended a little abruptly.. I definitely would have liked to see more to this... let's hope we get a follow up as S.M Phillips' humour shines through - from the devil on the shoulder conversations that Emily has with herself, to the banter between Emily and Rachel. One of my fave quotes - "Now, if I was a man and I had a fully functioning p*nis; out of ten I’d definitely give myself one." advance copy received in exchange for an honest review.

[Smashlybookalicousreviewingchicks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anyone who has had a recent heartbreak and needs a good laugh this books for you then. Emily is nearing 30 and continues to meet dead-ends when it comes to finding a man. Well except Vinnie, he can please you at your beck and call, but it is totally not the same thing as the real deal. Right?
The banter between Emily and her BF, Rachel are hilarious and gives those with a broken heart a good laugh to brighten up your day. Add her co-worker Matt into the deal and you not only see more banter, but a blurred line develop between these two.
As if Emily isn't dealing with a broken heart from her ex and her multiple failed dates, she has to deal with her boss. I'll call her Cruella cause she is that evil. The one person that makes her smile and does some unexpected gestures is Noah. She had a few dates with him.
In the end we are left a little torn you could say and we will not find out more until a new book is released. My heart was a little crushed (whimpers in corner)! You will need to decide if you are Team Noah or Team Matt cause someones' heart is going to break and it just might be mine. haha.
If you are looking for a quick, witty, hilarious banter and some sexy moments this book is highly recommended for you.

[Books Laid Bare · Rating 4 out of 5]

This will make you smile.
Well at least Rachel and her best friend Emily will because they had me cheekily snickering away to myself for much of their story. Especially the rules. When you read the book you will know what I am on about.
Reaching the big 30 has Emily is sick of being hurt, her heart has been stomped on one too many times and she is ready to take a change of direction and with Rachel and her swipe happy Tinder finger she is on the hunt for a new man. I couldn’t help but smirk.
There was so much going on that it was like being a fly on the wall of two bestie’s as they potter their way through their hilarious day to day escapades, there were dates to negotiate, a boss that could have easily fill the shoes of the next bond villain and a heart that most definitely needed to mend…come what may.
The guys in the story were great guys and I am not sure that I want to have to choose but if I you were to twist my arm I think I would have to say that I am veering towards #Team Noah but darn it, that is not a decision I want to have to clarify- not just yet anyway!
I'm looking forward to the next book and to get a little more from these ladies!

[Spunky N Sassy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Spunky N Sassy Rating: 3.5

~~~~~~~~~~Tracy's ★★★½ Review~~~~~~~~~~

Emily Parker hasn't had the best luck in men, Tyler the man she thought she would be spending the rest of her life with left her with her heart in pieces. Now she is right in the middle of dealing with her new boss who is the biggest witch this side of the Emerald City. A new man walks in her life but one night of passion with an old friend leaves Emily confused about who and what she wants. Then a huge betrayal blinds her to nothing but pain.

I liked this story but Emily was a little too erratic for me as a character. She seemed all over the place and at times I wasn't sure where I was in the story. I loved the humor in this story and Emily had me cracking up at times and crying in others. Overall I did enjoy this story and it is a humorous romance that has you rooting for Emily all the way.

[Yvonne Eason · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the cover of this book. it was one of the things that drove me to read it.

I think to be fair I am #TeamNoah. He was everything you needed in a man. With #TeamVinnie a close second.

There are some editing errors in the book and at times I had to re-read a few bits. If this was rectified it may have been a 5 star. it was funny as well as quite accurate on the stages of Heartbreak.

Emily has the best, best friend ever in Rachel, she drops everything including her man in Emily's time of need. We all need one of these best friends.

I am looking forward to the second book in the series to see what happens with Emily and Rachel.

whose team will you be on?
#TeamNoah # TeamVinnie #TeamMatt

[Joanna Brocklehurst smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a really good read, if you want a good laugh, then look no further. I found myself laughing out loud at several points during this book. Would definitely recommend this to anyone. Most people have had ex’s and new loves, this hits on everything that could possibly happen to the poor Rachel. Yet through it all she remains a hoot a minute.

Merged review:

This was a really good read, if you want a good laugh, then look no further. I found myself laughing out loud at several points during this book. Would definitely recommend this to anyone. Most people have had ex’s and new loves, this hits on everything that could possibly happen to the poor Rachel. Yet through it all she remains a hoot a minute.

[Wendy Livingstone · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emily is about to turn 30, and is heartbroken after her long time relationship with her boyfriend ended, but at least her best friend Rachel has her back. These two with their shenanigans and banter are hilarious. Emily’s boss is a bitch from hell, and is determined to get rid of her. Her best friend at work Matt, is always there for her, and has loved her from afar. No spoilers; this is a must read, you will not be disappointed!
This is well written and flows seamlessly, and I was hooked and intrigued from the very beginning. I cannot wait to read the next book. I highly recommend this authors work for all romance readers!

[Stacy Hahn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was such a fun book to read. Emily and her rules of heartbreak had me rolling with laughter. Emily had her heart crushed and she definitely was feeling it. Lucky for her she has a wonderful and supportive best friend, Rachel. These two are something else. Poor Emily can't catch a break in love our life it seems, but hold on to your hats, S. M. Phillips keeps the drama coming with some unexpected turns. I'm definitely ready for the next book.

[Jean Joseph · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emily is getting over having her heart crushed. Rachel is her best friend and wants to help her get back in the dating world. She sets Emily up with Noah. Just when she thinks things are looking up everything starts going downhill. She feels betrayed and confused about it all. I really liked this book. Can't wait for the next one to come out. I voluntarily received an advanced copy of this book for a honest review

[Shannon Godwin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book had some sad parts and some happy/funny parts. I enjoyed most of the book, but Emily at times was too much all over the place. I did not really connect with her so I can't give the book 5 stars. However, I did enjoy the book and I enjoye this author's writing. I am looking forward to the next book.

[Jodi Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the story even though it was obvious it was fun getting there. I had to 're-read a few conversations to figure out who said what and I feel like Noah was almost unnecessary , Almost... I would have liked a bit more of Matt, I didn't really feel like I knew him well enough.

Steph and Emily though, cracked me up!

Looking forward to reading the next book.

[Nikki · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was my first read for this author and it was definitely a story that kept me reading.
Full of hilarity..calamity.. and utter craziness this is the story of Emily Parker and her Heartbreak!
The friendship relationship between Emily and Rachel was hilarious... the banter and the back and forth with them had me lol at somepoints.
Easy to read story.. fun characters.. quick read👍

[Louise Rogers-Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was great to escape to the mayhem that is Emily Parker's world.

SM Phillips keeps you guessing right until the end an you wont be disappointed with the out come.

Just be warned there's definitely quite a few laugh out load moments.

[Sharon Betts · Rating 3 out of 5]

I quite enjoyed this. Emily is single, and remains so for pretty much most of the book. It mainly seems to deal with her unfortunate state of affairs and her friendship with Rachel. I did feel the book ended a bit suddenly.

[Haney Hayes Promotions · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a delightful and humorous read that will resonate with anyone who's ever felt the sting of unfulfilled expectations and is looking for a lighthearted and relatable tale of self-discovery and empowerment.

[A Book Lover's Emporium Book Blog · Rating 4 out of 5]

4

[Amanda Rambusch · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun read.