When Elves Attack: A Serge Storms Adventure Special

Serge Storms #14

by Tim Dorsey

I'm dreaming of a Serge Christmas...
Palm trees with twinkle lights...
Santa's big belly protruding over a neon Speedo...

It's ho, ho, ho time in this hilarious and wacky Florida holiday tale, featuring bighearted psychopath Serge Storms and his sidekick, Coleman. Like Santa, Serge knows who's been naughty and who's been nice. Few can give with the generosity and creativity of Serge, and as December 24 rolls around, he is filling up the Serge sleigh with an unforgettable bag of presents.

But before that, it's all a big free-range Christmas office party, where Serge will be spreading his special cheer. And there's that last-minute go-for-broke spree at the mall (just beware of those attacking elves - they bite). While you're there, skip the lame photo on Santa's lap - Serge will give you a lap ride you'll never forget. As for that addled elf Coleman, there's nothing like a white Christmas. Let it snow!

So grab a six-pack, spike the eggnog, and hit the dunes on the beach as Serge and Coleman roast some nuts on an open fire and prove that reindeer really do know how to fly!

Genres: Humor, Fiction, Mystery, Christmas, Holiday, Crime, Comedy

141 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 25, 2011

About the author

Tim Dorsey was born in Indiana, moved to Florida at the age of 1, and grew up in a small town about an hour north of Miami called Riviera Beach. He graduated from Auburn University in 1983. While at Auburn, he was editor of the student newspaper, The Plainsman.

From 1983 to 1987, he was a police and courts reporter for The Alabama Journal, the now-defunct evening newspaper in Montgomery. He joined The Tampa Tribune in 1987 as a general assignment reporter. He also worked as a political reporter in the Tribune’s Tallahassee bureau and a copy desk editor. From 1994 to 1999, he was the Tribune’s night metro editor. He left the paper in August 1999 to write full time.

Reviews

[Will Byrnes · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was May 2014, and we just had our first day in the mid-eighties here in NYC this week. There would be plenty more before much longer. Nothing makes one pine for winter more than sweating incessantly and enjoying the enhanced fragrance of garbage and sewage that graces city air when things start to cook. So, a perfect time to jump into a Christmas book.

Tim Dorsey delights in sending up his home state of Florida. In When Elves Attack, the 14th tale in the series, he takes on the winter holiday season in that most unwintry of American states, Florida. (Yeah, Hawaii, I know, I mean the continental USA, jeez) We rejoin Serge Storms, cheerful psycho-killer, proud host to several extreme forms of mental illness, defender of the weak and/or righteous against the cruel, mindless and taste-challenged, and his opposite, Coleman, a laid back sort who is all you could want in a drugged out wing man. Both are, of course, well prepared for the holiday season, in full elf gear.

Dorsey was asked by his publisher to write a Christmas book, and while he had some trepidations, he managed to turn his homicidal attention to some of the wonderful features of Thanksgiving and Christmas. This is definitely an extra in the series, at under 200 pps. There are some things to be learned here, from what might happen to a frozen turkey that is popped into a deep fryer, (I had the pleasure of actual deep-fried turkey many years back, with some erstwhile pals in Louisiana, and it was amazing. This one comes out a bit differently.) to how an opening rush at a big box store can be transformed into a weapon of ass destruction, to a heads up for some security concerns to look for in mall parking lots. It is filled with delightful hints on how you might add some spice to your holiday celebrations, and find creative uses for legos.

Serge, of course, gives and gives, but those on the receiving end might not appreciate his particular form of holiday cheer. The core story, to the extent there actually is one, is Serge's determination that he wants to settle down and live a sort of Ozzie and Harriet life, like a couple of his favorite non-psychotics, Jim and Martha, on the sedate (until now) Triggerfish Lane. More specifically, the intent was to gather together for a large Christmas dinner characters from sundry other Serge books. Visitors from prior volumes popping by for weed, nog, and mayhem, include the aforementioned Jim and Martha, of course, the lovely Country and City, or whatever their names really are, fleeing the law, per usual, and a pack of seniors, the G-unit, eager to kick ass and party hearty.


The author - from Sarasota Herald Tribune

Excessive holiday lighting comes in for a look and an unusual application or two, and yes, there will be yule logs. There will also be caroling, and tree decorations, and dare we hope for a White Christmas? There is also room made for another holiday tradition, the layoff. In fact, Jim is the guy who is brought in to lay people off for no good reason at the behest of misguided management looking to save a few bucks and outsource the rage of the newly unemployed onto a third party. What could possibly go wrong? Another side-tale concerns a lovely feature of Florida law that prevents the state from seizing a person's home to pay debts. Some awful, financial vampire sorts have taken advantage of this to shield their assets from the courts and their creditors. Serge finds an interesting partial solution to the problem

One knows what to expect when picking up a Tim Dorsey book, a love of his home state, a significant body count and the application of extreme creativity in finding new ways to fill those large plastic bags with the deserving.

No one picks these books up for their literary quality, or even, mostly, a particularly coherent story. This is grand guignol. The joke is in pointing out the awful and beating the crap out of it, or worse, and doing it in ever more creative ways, while sustaining a buzz. If you are looking for more than that, you have come to the wrong asylum.

We will not make the silly mistake of looking at this book for anything other than what it is. The question then is whether it succeeds within the confines of the genre. While there are moments that are definitely satisfying, with creative punishments dealt out to those who desperately need them, I found much of the book forced and unfunny. Well, forced may be drifting a bit into that area of not accepting it for what it is. So, forget that. Of course it is forced. It does offer some interesting and even useful information, and does present several doses of real creativity. I have read a couple of Dorsey's Serge books, and rather enjoyed them, so there is no question here of prudish feathers being ruffled. I enjoy comedic carnage as much as the next maximum-security escapee. But this one just did not quite do it for me. No real laugh-out-loud moments. So, while I will toss out three stars (at least one stolen from another review after I slipped it a mickey) to encourage a continuation of the madness and to reward the creativity on display, if Santa were rating this one, he might say "No No No."

Here are the other two Serge books I have stumbled through:

Florida Roadkill (Serge Storms Mystery, #1)

and

Gator A-Go-Go (Serge Storms Mystery, #12)

Review first posted – May 30, 2014

Publication date – January 1, 2011



=============================EXTRA STUFF

Links to the author’s personal, Twitter and FB pages, and
Serge’s Florida Experience (fake) blog

There is plenty of extra stuff on Dorsey’s site.

Interview by Marc Bernier at the Miami Book Fair

Some fun Christmas items from National Geographic:
-----11/29/2017 - Saint Nicholas to Santa: The Surprising Origins of Mr. Claus - by Brian Handwerk
-----12/13/2017 - Who Is Krampus? Explaining the Horrific Christmas Devil - by Tanya Basu
-----12/21/2017 - Vintage Map Shows Santa's Journey Around the World - By Greg Miller – a kitschy 50’s Santa Map
-----12/19/2017 - One Town's Fight to Save Their 40-Foot Yule Goat - by Sarah Gibbens – Yes, really, a Christmas goat

12/21/2017 - This NY Times video by Matthew Salton is a trip - Santa is a Psychedelic Mushroom

[TK421 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Serge A. Storms, the fictional vigilante created by Tim Dorsey, is one of the most psychotic characters I have ever had the pleasure to read about. He is delusional, methodical, vicious, hilarious, and even a bit sentimental. You see, the best way to really understand Serge is to compare him to that lovable psychopath Dexter--you know, the serial killer of serial killers. But whereas Dexter probably wouldn't stop killing if all the Bad Guys decided to become nice, Serge would take a day off, smell the roses. Serge kills because he cannot stand to see innocent people being taken advantage of by the criminal element.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. WHEN ELVES ATTACK, a brilliant parody penned by Tim Dorsey, is the quintessential holiday read when the holidays are still months ahead (or is it months behind?) of showing up on the calendar. But be warned: Check any prudish tendencies on page one; Dorsey loves to use gallows humor, crass language, and even nonagenarian sex references (G-Unit for life!) when telling his story.

Since this is my first foray into the world of Serge, please allow me to be vague of where exactly Serge and his trusty sidekick, Coleman, came from. In this novel, Serge is hoping to find what it is like to live a normal life. In fact, he is so obsessed with living a normal life that he and Coleman move (meaning run from the law) to a quiet little neighborhood (they also invite two lovely women, City and Country, who are also on the lam because of something that happened in a bar which they were wrongly accused of, to join them in this fantasy game of nuclear family). But just because he lives in a quiet neighborhood doesn't mean that adventure and trouble are nowhere to be found.

When Serge and Coleman run into one of their old buddies, Jim, who works for a consulting firm that is hired out to fire and rehire people, in a mall, the adventure begins. It starts off as most adventures do with Serge and Coleman dressed as elves during the holiday season. When Jim and Martha--Jim's wife--have a bit of a row with a power-hungry mall-cop, who just so happens to find immense pleasure in taking teenagers to task for being teenagers and doing what all teenagers do best, which is to act like teenagers, the fuse is lit. Upon this one act a deadly War on Christmas begins for Serge and Coleman. But they don't intend to ruin Christmas; rather, they decide to be the cure for Christmas, and take it upon themselves to eradicate all known nefarious dudes that pose a risk for all of the innocent people trying to get their Christmas cheer on. WARNING: The body count stacks up quickly, but never in a mundane manner. (I mean who really knows how to devise a bomb that uses Legos and Tinker Toys and pieces of an Erector Set as shrapnel?) And when Jim finds himself in hot water for firing the wrong people, Serge and Coleman take it upon themselves to protect Jim, even going as far as trying to teach Jim's daughter, Nicole, who dates a loser named Snake, about what it means to be a Good Man. Strangely, this plot works.

For readers that love the family tree of John D. MacDonald, a tree that spawned Dave Barry and Carl Hiaasen, this holiday parody is perfect reading during the off-holiday months. I'm willing to bet that you may even find yourself shaking your head at times because you either know someone who acts like an idiot during the holiday season or you are that idiot during the holiday season. Fear not, though. The holidays are not the only victim to this hilarious romp. Florida, tradition, society, the "it" toy of the year, old age, deep fat fried turkey, and the idiocy of all humankind get their fill of ribbing and scorn.

Read the book, you won't be sorry.

VERY HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

[Brian · Rating 1 out of 5]

I always enjoy Tim Dorsey's books when I am on the beach. They are perfect reading for that locale. They are funny, easily plotted, and Dorsey is a clever writer. "When Elves Attack" meets none of these simple standards.
The book has a rushed to market feel to it, and one wonders if his publisher was just trying to capitalize on the holiday themed book bonanza. The text is half the length of a normal Dorsey novel, and the change is not for the better. As a result of the apparent rush, the book is poorly written and is filled with obvious high school creative writing class moments and phrases. It reads like a treatment for a television script actually. Abrupt with no details, just giving you the basic outline as it were.
The plot is really a shorter version of earlier novels, recycling characters from previous works including the geriatric ladies group the G-unit, and the Davenport family, headed up by the doormat Jim. I don't have a problem with reusing characters, but at least augment them. Here Serge's sidekick Coleman (who I have loved in previous books) is reduced to restating as a character what the narrator has just said. He says the obvious and redundant, "Look Serge", etc. and that does not a character make.
The last 20 pages are just flat out lazy writing, complete with hokey ending. However, the "Note on the Type" is clever, and at only 194 pages it is a decent holiday diversion. But don't expect a lot.

[ꕥ Ange_Lives_To_Read ꕥ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tim Dorsey novels are definitely strange, but I am a sucker for Serge, the lovable serial killer and his perpetually stoned sidekick, Coleman. Their adventures galavanting around Florida are always both entertaining and disturbing. I was curious how these two could factor into a Christmas story; well, it was the usual insanity and only tangentially tied to the holiday.

It's impossible to summarize the plot of a Serge and Coleman book, you just have to go with it. In this installment, Jim and Martha Davenport were back and once again the unwilling recipients of Serge's "help." (Serge believes himself eternally obligated to protect Jim for some reason that was detailed in an earlier book. It was so complicated that I can't remember exactly why, but I know it was funny.)

Various characters from the other novels pop up to hilarious effect. My favorite subplot was the one in which Serge took command of a classroom full of timid "assertiveness training" students who were afraid of their own shadow, and turned them into Rambo-like operatives in the service of his crazy schemes. Another great moment was the drunken Christmas conga line, orchestrated by Serge to the chagrin of an upscale neighborhood, featuring Coleman and the elderly ladies of the "G-Unit."

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

So the Providence Journal thinks Florida's Tim Dorsey is “The undisputed king of the comic crime novel,” eh? Their reviewer might want to sample some Donald E. Westlake or, just within Florida, Carl Hiaasen and even Edna Buchanan. Okay, so Buchanan's more a crime novelist with a splendid sense of humor than an out-and-out comedy crime writer, but I think the point still stands. Karen Kijewski, Kinky Friedman and even Janet Evanovich (even though I don't personally get along with her work) might be worth a look too. I'm sure you can think of others . . . some of them doubtless blindingly obvious.

Whatever: back to this particular book.

I haven't read any of the Serge Storm (as in storm serge; geddit?) novels before, and was startled to find this was #14 in the series -- or really #13A, being a sort of half-length Christmas special.

Serge is a psychopath along the lines of the (far more somber) titular character in Bradley Denton's Blackburn , a novel that should be required reading for every crime-fiction aficionado. Serge, like Blackburn, is a serial killer but one who chooses as his victims people without whom society will actually be better off -- the kind of people who, while not necessarily criminal in any legal sense, in one way or another make life unpleasant for everyone around them.

In this book he and his dope-devouring sidekick Coleman celebrate a Florida Christmas in an inimitable way, by dressing up as Christmas elves -- "wildcat elves," as Serge describes the pair at one point -- and doing their best to do good. Most but not all of their attempts to be seasonally benevolent end in mayhem and disaster, and there are a couple of murders along the way, but they mean well.

When Elves Attack is less of a novel than a collection of linked set-pieces, but to say that is no detraction. Back in my Encyclopedia of Fantasy days we used John Clute's perhaps slightly graceless term "fixup" for novels cobbled together from pre-existing linked short stories. We never quite got round to devising a term to describe novels that make use of this structure -- that have this same feel -- even though in fact written as a single entity. Whatever the putative term might have been, you could apply it to When Elves Attack.

The real test of a book like this is whether it makes you laugh, and for me When Elves Attack passed with flying colors. I meant, as I toppled into bed last night, to read just a few chapters before switching the light out. In the event I read almost the entire book, and at such speed that it wasn't all that late before the light went off. Partly this was because the novel's fairly short, certainly so by today's bloated standards, but mostly it was because I was having a ball, the only interruptions to the blur of the turning pages being the moments I was laughing too hard to see the print clearly.

Will I recall much about the book in a couple of weeks' time? Quite possibly not. But I'm sure I'll remember far longer how much fun I had with it, and I'll be looking out for more of Dorsey's work. In between the couple of Westlake's Dortmunder novels I've yet to read, that is.

[Wanda Pedersen · Rating 3 out of 5]

”Wait up!” Coleman skipped alongside Serge. “But I still don’t get this elf thing. How can we be elves if the mall didn’t hire us?”
“And that’s what everyone thinks.” Serge skipped and waved at curious shoppers. “But there’s no law that says you can’t just unilaterally decide to be an elf, buy a costume and hit the mall. That’s the whole key to life: Fuck the conventional wisdom on elves.”
“So that makes us…”
“That’s right: wildcat elves.”
“What are they going to say?”
Serge stopped skipping. “It’s like clipboards. You walk around all smart and serious, writing on a clipboard, and people stand back in respect. Or orange cones. You can buy them at any Home Depot. Then you set them out according to your needs, and the public thinks “He must be official. He’s got orange cones.” Those are the big three: clipboards, orange cones, elf suits. People don’t question.”

Ah, the wisdom of the social-justice-minded serial killer, Serge, as imparted to his drug addled sidekick, Coleman.

This was a fun little holiday story, filled with darkly humourous situations, perfect for the overly sweet Christmas season. Learn how to use a deep fryer to blow up a hotel room, among other useful skills. Plus how to look official with a clipboard, orange cones, or an elf suit.

[Scottsdale Public Library]

If you like a bit of irreverent seasonal humor, try this holiday tale from an author who's as talented as Carl Hiaasen in capturing some great, zany Florida characters, many of whom are not too careful about obeying all the laws of the land. Serge Storms, a well-meaning psychopath and his cohort, Coleman, decide to try living near their good friend, Jim, to have a full-blown holiday celebration, much to the dismay of Jim's very correct wife, Mary. Add a disgruntled ex-Mall security guard, (who's bent on revenge after being fired by Jim's company) a group of older women who want to get away from their nursing home to have some fun, and Serge and Coleman's hilarious attempts to decorate their home, and you'll have a merry mix of humor and mayhem. - Louisa

[Melki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Serge is off his meds and determined to "take Christmas big!" That involves writing wrongs and doling out some justice to disgraced hedge fund managers, obnoxious mall cops and would be parking lot assailants. Along for the ride is Coleman, his dopey, doped-up sidekick, and a cast of characters on loan from Dorsey's other books. Throw in copious amounts of eggnog, a couple of elf suits, Xtreme caroling, and some exploding Legos, and you've got yourself a Christmas to remember.

[Bandit · Rating 4 out of 5]

Exactly the sort of raving madness I was looking for in a Christmas Eve. read. I haven't read Dorsey and I'm not sure I'd commit to his crazed modern day Quixote and Panza duo righting the wrongs in the ever so wacky sunny Florida, but mainly because I'm not a fan of series in general and I'm not sure this particular sort of lunacy doesn't get tiresome after a while. For a one off though it was great fun, living up to its title thoroughly and just as completely absurd as it advertises. Serge (the tall skinny one) is kind of terrific, equally prone to random trivia, soliloquies and violent outburst, he's the sort of a charmingly misguided antihero one can really enjoy. His associate (the short fat one) is perpetually and creatively stoned, resulting in severe memory slip ups resulting in much guffaws. This is pure light entertainment done right. Funny quick read, just about two and a half hours. Recommended.

[Maddie Moore · Rating 2 out of 5]

As weird as it sounds but pretty sure I’m not the target audience

[Matt · Rating 2 out of 5]

Faldon's Five Thoughts: 1) Even at just 192 pages, this is a looong way to go for this payoff. I could see this working as a short story maybe, but the plot is too flimsy to last nearly 200 pages. 2) Marquis Luis always jokes he can't see a sequel because he missed part one. I'm not sure there is a good joke here, but if there is it seems like you need the history of these characters to get it. 3) The only thing that halfway redeems this book are some of Serge's lines. They aren't all good, but a few provide some rare comedy. Not sure why, but "Coleman" is a funny name for the sidekick character. Did not find the G-Unit funny at all. 4) The "Note on the Type" section at the end is brilliant. Too bad the preceding pages don't show so much promise. 5) If nothing else, this book made me wonder if I could write something better than this.

[Yeva · Rating 4 out of 5]

I couldn't resist this book. Serge and elves made me want to sing "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas" while hanging my head out a train window going cross country. The book makes you want to cut up and do something fun. Mr. Dorsey never disappoints. When Elves Attack was great.

[Cindy B. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like the strange series - this holds up but isn't my favorite. Some profanity. Well narrated.

[Lauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

Absolutely ridiculous, but love the sentiment and the friend that sent it along.

[Chelsea Schmidt · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have no idea what I read. I was mildly entertained but also very confused. 😂

[Johnny · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sometimes, you just find yourself in the mood for something that’s “wrong.” You can’t help yourself from being amused by something that really shouldn’t be funny, something that is totally against what you see yourself as being or ever wanting to be. When Elves Attack is “wrong” in that bent, disgusting sense. Drug use, profanity, murder, and torture are all part of the ingredients of this “instructive” Christmas tale. Imagine the most innocuous human being possible and then, imagine him being admired by an incredibly recidivist larcenist and murderer who seems, against the odds, to have a good heart. The former is Jim Davenport, a family man and consultant who works both sides of idiotic corporate policies, and the latter is Serge Storms, the appropriately named instigator of chaos, havoc, and a perverse kind of justice.

It appears that Tim Dorsey has written several books with these characters, but I just happened to stumble onto this one at a used book sale (Sorry, Tim. I guess I’m the “Royalties Nazi” and “No cash for you!”) and loved the title. I laughed and shook my head in admiration of terrific lines and humorous references at numerous times in this book (not the least of which was when I started reading “A Note on the Type” and Dorsey continued to pile improbable hyperbole on top of outrageously absurd prevarication. I’ll never look at Leubenhoek Gothic (allegedly a specific font) the same way again. By the way, I see that some guy named Chris completely plagiarized Dorsey’s hilarious essay about the font on his My Space page.

The title, When Elves Attack, refers to the propensity for Serge and his friend Coleman to dress up in elf suits in order to avoid suspicion at Christmastime. Serge himself explains that it is the analog to having a clipboard or putting out orange cones. If you use either, you won’t arouse suspicion. Of course, for all I like about When Elves Attack, I’ll have to admit that I didn’t rate it any higher because there were several places that it was so over the top that I was jerked out of my “suspended disbelief.” Some folks might not have that problem, though.

Let me share some nice lines from the book, though. About one-third of the way through the book, Serge comments about conversations. He posits that we are all just as crazy as the homeless guy who “…jabbers about time travel, drone airplanes, and guilt-free dog treats..” and suggests, “But that’s only because we’re not aware of how our own conversations sound because we’re inside them. It’s like you don’t know your own voice unless you have a tape recorder.” (p. 55) Yes, you don’t have to be as baked as Serge’s friend Coleman is all the time to realize that’s probably true.

I also liked the conversation between Serge and Coleman about how they were going to find some characters on the run (apparently from another adventure). Serge confidently explains, “How all fugitives keep in touch, Facebook.” (p. 78) Another time, the normally indolent Coleman completes a monumental and unexpected task. He says, “I was motivated to accomplish something.” Serge replies, “I can’t process that sentence.” (p. 83) Later, we understand that very consistent motivation, but I won’t spoil it. I was totally amused and it set up another “very wrong” but hilarious scene.

Finally, although it is not my intent to introduce any gender chauvinism here, my favorite line in the book could be applied to any miscommunication of any kind, but there are many of us within the male persuasion that just have to resonate with this one: “With women, you don’t get to pick the meaning of what you mean. They do. All men understand this.” (p. 103) Yes, yes we do understand that. (sigh)

As usual (I gather), Serge brings both chaos and redemption into Jim Davenport’s life. You have to feel like the guy’s heart is in the right place—even though his vigilantism serves to demonstrate just how dangerous it can be for someone to be judge, jury, and executioner.

Still, there’s a certain poetic justice to everything that happens and, as in the New Testament, there is a point at which Serge is shown “a better way.” Whether he will follow it is anyone’s guess. Since he is a literary construction who is fine-tuned for humorous mayhem, my guess is that he will misconstrue every lesson he seems to have learned in this book. Will I read another in the series? Probably! But it will probably be when I’m in a certain special mood and want to suspend my ethical framework as well as my disbelief.

[Steph Percival · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is the Florida Christmas of Christmas books. Draw your own conclusions from that.

[Derek Dowell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tim Dorsey, you sly marketing son-of-a-gun. Just in time for the holidays recently passed, you whipped out a short book, barely over 200 pages, and gave it a title no Serge fan could possibly resist – When Elves Attack: A Joyous Christmas Greeting from the Criminal Nutbars of the Sunshine State. Even worse, you slapped a $10 Kindle price tag on it and I was the big, dumb sucker in the front of the line who bit hard at the bait.

Ah well, shame on me for ignoring my instinct. To be honest, I’m only a little disgruntled. Though this Dorsey book reeks of a publisher standing over our poor author with a whip and shouting “We’ve got to get something fresh on the shelves for everyone buying gifts for Serge and Coleman fans, Tim! Faster! Faster!” It was with a bemused smile on my face that I plowed through When Elves Attack, a quick journey that takes our dynamic duo on yet another jaunt down Triggerfish Lane with Jim and Martha Davenport, the G-Unit, and another appearance by the hot hooker duo, City and Country. Actually, I don’t even remember if the gals are really hookers, but it seems like they should be. To their credit, like most other women, they still refuse to have sex with Coleman.

When Elves Attack finds Serge on a two-fold mission. He’s determined to have the hap-hap-happiest traditional Christmas ever while, at the same time, carefully observing Jim Davenport from across the street to learn how a family man is supposed to behave. Dorsey keeps the usual shenanigans in place: vigilante justice, Coleman’s epic drug and alcohol habit, manic trips around Florida, and the travelogue in Serge’s head that can’t be contained. And I’m not even going to waste my time trying to set up the connection to the title. Just imagine Serge doing what he usually does – only while wearing an elf suit.

After all these years and Serge adventures, who can even keep all this gonzo literary madness straight? I know I can’t, so don’t even try any more. The bottom line is this: If you like what Tim Dorsey has done in the past, you’re probably going to like this one too, though it may leave you feeling strangely unsatisfied. Never fear! Another full length Serge novel is on the shelves of your local bookstore even as we speak. It’s called Pineapple Grenade and it will be reviewed in due course here at Florida Pulp Fiction.

If you thought this book review was a little shorter than usual, you’re right. Do the math. Short book = short review.

[Mike · Rating 1 out of 5]

First, let me say that I'm a fan of Tim Dorsey and his quirky works. His stories can be summed up by asking, what would happen if Raoul Duke and Dr Gonzo went on a killing spree in Florida? However, as entertaining as this can be, I've found that if you've read one Serge book you've read them all.


That brings me to this latest novel that happens to throw in a Christmas spin. I guess the whole "let's make Christmas naughty cuz that's hilarious" joke just doesn't impress me. Maybe back in the 70s and 80s people were so sick of Bing songs and fireplace logs that they felt the need to have a backlash, but now I think, 30 years later, these cliches themselves have become pretty worn out. So when jokes in this book included a gun going off during Christmas dinner and ruining the family's best china plates and a guy purposely poisoning himself by eating mistletoe to get high, it just felt tiring.


Like I said, Dorsey's earlier novels are pretty funny, but in this one he goes straight for the gags and hopes everything is even more hilarious because it's all happening at...gasp...Christmastime!


If you still decide to read this book, check out the author's note regarding the type. That is Tim Dorsey at his quirky best, but sadly it only lasts for two pages.

[Trish · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another free holiday ebook downloaded for the Kindle. This one had me hoping for something along the lines of Carl Hiaasen, it fell short of that level. This is part of a series and don't think that helped this one stand on it's own. It feels rushed and the mystery not as developed as you'd like or wish for, because the solution is obvious. That said ... this author and series MIGHT be worth exploring. Sometimes the best you can say is this doesn't stink. It's worth the free download and piqued my interest enough to check out possibly the first in the series ... which is what I suspect was the gimmick all along.

[Don · Rating 1 out of 5]

Stupid. Read two pages of the prologue and just put it aside. The last person to attempt made it to page 17 before returning to the library, assuming the dog eared page 17 means they never went back to reading.

I did like the Shirley Temple quote on the dedication page..."I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked me for my autograph."

[Trisha · Rating 1 out of 5]

I knew right from the get-go, page 1 of prologue, that I was not going to like this book. I just didn't find it funny.

[Judy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this as a part of my Christmas feel good reading spree, but it really didn't fit the bill for me. Perhaps because this is 14th in a series which I have not read before, I didn't find the serial killer character particularly endearing or understandable. It was obviously meant to be funny, and maybe if I knew the characters better I would have found it so, but basically it just wasn't that funny to me. Oh well, there are plenty of other books and series out there.

[Jane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ugh this was so stupid but I loved it but I have to give it 3 stars because it was truly only 100 pages of original content and then the same repeated jokes which make you feel like ha ha I am a reader but I’m on the inside so I feel special hehehe but this is cute and sometimes clever and it made me happy :)

[Jazz · Rating 3 out of 5]

This comic novel was hilarious at times and a very quick read, mostly told in dialog. Reminded me of an even wackier version of the books by Carl Hiaasen. The plot was kind of thin, but I appreciated the laughs when they are greatly needed in Pandemic-land. One quibble: I know Serge is a serial killer, but I thought he was supposed to only kill people who really deserve it. I didn't the victim fell into that category in this book.

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like many TV shows that have an episode committed to Christmas storyline, Tim Dorsey has done it with our favorite live version of the "Florida Man" headline, Serge Storms and his entourage, with "When Elves Attack."...In "Elves," Serge is committed to "celebrate" Christmas to the max and reward Jim Davenport and his family the Christmas Serge's hero deserves...And the mayhem begins...Dorsey's Serge Storms books appeal to all of us who desire to straighten out those things that are bad about America, but you just can't call the authorities on!...Fun Read as Always!

[Deb · Rating 2 out of 5]

A seemingly odd, irreverent Christmas story but carries the true meaning of the holiday — friendship. The book is 14th in the Serge Storms series but not hard to orient yourself to the characters.

Not sure I would read another but interesting sidetrack from my usual reading.

[Rob Jacobs · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Pretty amusing at times, Serge and Coleman cause mayhem dressed as elves.

[Ben · Rating 5 out of 5]

Actually my 4th time reading this. Gets me in the holiday spirit ;)

[Jordan McPeek · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oh Serge, your books are great palate cleansers in between more intense works. Wacky dialogue and ways to kill people hanging off a thread of a plot - what more could one ask for? I got a few laugh out loud moments and not many cringey ones this time around.