Fired!: Tales of the Canned, Canceled, Downsized, & Dismissed

by Annabelle Gurwitch

A collection of true celebrity tales and interviews with people from all walks of life celebrates the lighter side of being terminated and includes contributions by such figures as Conan O'Brien, Patricia Heaton, and Tim Allen. 50,000 first printing.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Essays, Plays, Anthologies, Audiobook, Memoir

256 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2005

About the author

ANNABELLE GURWITCH grew up hoping that she was the long lost daughter of Joni Mitchell or the reincarnation of an Egyptian princess. Neither of those things turned out to be true. She is the author of The New York Times bestseller and Thurber Prize Finalist for Humor Writing 2015, I See You Made an Effort; You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up (co-written with husband Jeff Kahn); and Fired! which was also a Showtime Comedy Special.
Annabelle was the original co-host of Dinner & a Movie for 6 seasons on TBS and host of Planet Green's WA$TED. Other acting credits include Seinfeld, Dexter, Boston Legal. Her essays and satire have appeared in The New York Times, The New Yorker, Los Angeles Times, Marie Claire, The Nation, Men's Health, Glamour, Salon.com. She was a regular commentator on NPR for numerous years and regularly performs at arts venues across the country. She is empty nesting in Los Angeles. Annabelle is a Jewish mother, a reluctant atheist, and an avid environmentalist.

Reviews

[Petra X · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was once fired from three different jobs in one day. I quit more often that I was fired though. :-) Skip to * if that's all you want to read, or if you want to read about why I hated the book, stop reading when you get to * :-)

I fired this book though. It had two major problems, the first of which it wasn't a book. It was a series of stand-up comedy routines on being fired in front of a 'live' audience (sounded too much like canned laughter, so much on cue did it come). That in no way is a book to me.

The second is that the author is... I have to be careful here, we know how sensitive authors can be and how they might want to get back at people who write stuff they don't like about them personally and this author ... Perhaps it would be better to give an example.

The author was fired by Woody Allen because she didn't fit the part. He wanted her to say her lines and act exactly as he wanted (it was his production) and didn't allow her the artistic interpretation she craved. He also insulted her. So to get back at him she wrote a comedy routine that included all that and as many insults as she thought she could get a laugh for, well that's 'comedians' for you. But then she went too far. She says he didn't fancy her because she was beyond the age he fancied girls, ie. she wasn't prepubescent.

That was too far for me. Accusing someone of being a paedophile, of liking little girls in primary school isn't done for a laugh, it's an incredibly nasty barb that she maybe hopes will stick. Repeating allegations for which there was never enough evidence for a prosecution, despite the huge amount of money spent on lawyers doing their best to get one for the insane-with-jealousy Mia Farrow is despicable. What is it with some women scorned whether in love or jobs?

(And for anyone thinking of Soon Yi. She wasn't Allen's daughter, he never lived with her and she was of legal age when she went to live with him. Also they've been married 17/18 years now).

So that skit of the author's put me off. But I perseved through the raucous laughter at every 'joke' for the next stand-up comic. It just wasn't funny. Neither was the next. This was suppposed to be a book, not a recording of a whole load of live comedy skits.

Here endeth my total pissed-offness at the book and beginneth yet another anecdote of a life where I didn't always try my hardest.

______

*I really was fired three times in one day. This was on a kibbutz and I had perhaps not developed a strong work ethic at that time, or perhaps I was (and remain) a klutz.

First time was I was in a deep-litter chicken barn and the hens were all crowded up around my wellies so I could catch them and peel their necks back so they could be injected with some antibiotic. I squealed and jumped around a lot and was useless.

So then I was sent to the egg house. Here I had to take eggs and put them fast as I could on a conveyor belt, there they were sorted by size and I had to run around the other side and take them off again putting them, according to size, back in the boxes. Any dirty eggs were taken off and put on to a padded foam wheel that took 24 at a time. Spin it slightly and the eggs were cleaned. It had a forward pedal, but no brake, you had to tap reverse very slightly. More than very slightly, the eggs smashed. After I smashed them three times (72 eggs) I was fired.

Third job was the kitchens. There were a lot of Holocaust survivors, very old, and they couldn't stand the smell of meat cooking so they had first servings of lunch and for protein they often had the most amazing puddings, silky and mousse-like, made from fresh cream. That day it was chocolate pudding. It was in a machine like a soft-serve icecream one and I helped myself, several times. Fired.

Fourth job. I was sent to the gardens to help sift the pebbles from the soil. This was mostly gathering up buckets of soil and pouring it through a screen. It was well boring. Luckily (this is not a good word in this context, but it was lucky for me) the gardener was quite mad. He was a hero of the Dutch resistance (not Jewish) and had been tortured by the Nazis and more or less had lost his mind so he spent most of his time in his house. That meant I spent most of my time sitting in the shade and reading. I hung on to that job for quite a few weeks until I got into the bananas, which I enjoyed.

[Melki · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I've been fired more times than a postal employee's gun."
Wildman Weiner, Maytag repairman


Ah, yes..,.FIRED, the new f-word.

My one and only, ahem, "dismissal" occurred in the early nineties when I worked at a card/gift store. Near as I can figure, I was fired for having a sense of humor when the owner did not. ( He really couldn't stand when someone had something he didn't, be it common sense, or a height of over five feet.) So, I was out on my ass, though I had my moment of sweet, sweet revenge (and the last laugh) when I showed up at his "going out of business" sale less than a year later.

When Annabelle Gurwitch was fired by Woody Allen, she got her revenge by collecting "fired" stories from her friends and writing a book. (Guess she fixed his ass...I hear he's only making ONE movie a year now. He used to do TWO.) The collection includes essays by a variety of comics, actors and writers. Not all are hilarious, though most are quite interesting. Many people admit they deserved to be fired, while some were relieved to have been let go. Just about everyone agrees they are better off now than they were at that video store/mail room/restaurant/television show.

One of my favorite tales was by writer Andy Borowitz who was fired as a The Facts of Life scribe because he just didn't get Tootie.


Oh, Tootie...only Mrs. Garrett really understood you...


And while we're all still pondering the mystery that was Tootie, I'll leave you with a quote by one of the most famous firees ever...

"One day I was a Beatle. The next day I was out!"
Pete Best, not a Maytag repairman

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book! Actress Annabelle Gurwitch had been hired to be in a Broadway play by Woody Allen, but apparently soon afterward he felt it wasn't working out, and fired her. Only he didn't just say "You're fired". He told her she was absolutely terrible, and "looked retarded". Yikes!!

In telling her story to her friends and acquaintances, Annabelle soon collected stories from others who'd been fired from jobs in a terrible manner, or fired from terrible jobs where they were actually kind of relieved to be gone. She also set up a website where the public could submit their horror stories of being fired, and she used several of those in the book, as well as stories by well-known people from all walks of life. The book would even make someone laugh who'd just gotten fired- I thought it was hilarious.


**#22 of 100 books I've pledged to read/review during 2015**

[Douglas · Rating 3 out of 5]

A pleasant break from all the heavy books I've been reading.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to the audio book which was read by the original authors in front of a live audience. Some of the stories were gems, some not so great, but the overall message I took away is that setbacks are just another part of life. Often our natural reaction is to be embarrassed of our "failures", but really it is just a bump on the road to success. No surprise that being fired makes some people want to use profanity (a lot!). You have been warned.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

There were some laughs and it was a bargain on Audible.

[Bunny · Rating 1 out of 5]

Marked to read June 3, 2009. (Remember when I set this goal at the beginning of the year and then just kind of ignored it?)

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, okay, I get it. All of the stand up comedians featured her purposefully made their tales unfunny, to emphasize the getting fired.

Right?

Because this isn't a narrator reading someone else's lines. This is a recording of the comedians themselves, in front of a live audience laughing at the most awkardly painfully unfunny moments.

Seriously, wow, so bad. So, so, so bad. I get why these people were fired.

[Angie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy, light-hearted read full of stories from restaurants, offices, and show-biz.

[Relena_reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fun set of vignettes. I've heard some of these before in longer shows, but I enjoyed them all.

[Marianne · Rating 3 out of 5]

While the subject sounded quite interesting, lots of potential but the execution leaves a lot to be desired.

[Jennifer]

DNF @ Page 56

[Mary · Rating 1 out of 5]

Supposed to be funny. Not.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some books are a like a fine four-course meal. You take your time. You appreciate every bite. You savor each delectable mouthful. When it is over, you feel like you've had an experience.

Some books are like comfort food. They fill you up and make you feel good inside. You crave more, and they make you feel better when you are feeling down.

Some books are like candy bars. They are sweet, easy to eat and gone in no time.

This book was a candy bar.

Now don't get me wrong -- I LOVE candy bars. (I love them a lot.) I gobbled this book up in record time and felt a little guilty about it because it wasn't real "good" for me -- just like when I eat a candy bar. These are the type of books I read after "coming down" from a four-course meal book like The Economist Book of Obituaries.

Now I know the title may sound a bit ominous or depressing. "A book about people losing their jobs. In this economy. I don't think so. That sounds like the last thing I want to think about." But you should know that the people who lost their jobs in this book are some of the best comedy writers, comedians and actors/actresses in the business. So their tales of losing their jobs are just downright funny and amusing. Did I mention that some of the contributors include Tim Allen, Andy Borowitz, Bill Maher, Bob Saget, D.L. Hughley, Harry Shearer, David Cross, Morgan Spurlock, Felicity Huffman, Patricia Heaton, Anne Meara, Judd Apatow, Andy Dick, Matt Walsh, Jeff Garlin, Paul F. Tompkins, Tate Donovan? I'm sure you've seen some of these names somewhere. The ones you might not be familiar with write for, act in or produce such little shows like The Simpsons, Late Night With Conan O'Brien, The Daily Show, and Curb Your Enthusiasm.

The book is broken up into five sections:

1. The Job So Terrible You Can Only Hope to Be Fired
2. The Firing You Didn't See Coming
3. The Time You Deserved To Be Fired
4. The Time Getting Fired Leads You To Something Better
5. The Time You Had To Fire Yourself.

Each "chapter" has about 10 or 12 mini-essays or interviews. And not all the contributions are about being fired from jobs; the essay by Rob Cohen called "Attractive In A Bad Way" is about how he needs to fire himself from dating because he is "that guy....the one responsible for all those late-night crying jags" and he dates women "...who are incredibly appealing on the outside, but soooooo not on the inside. Like a Godiva's chocolate...full of scorpions with diarrhea."

Here are some other lines in the book that gave me a chuckle.

From Annabelle Gurwitch's essay "Crimes and Mythdemeanors": I just couldn't believe Woody Allen was ruining my Woody Allen experience.

From Bruce Cameron's contribution "Remodels Your Redundancy": My friends have said I have a "dark gift," because instead of getting angry, most of the people I fired seemed worried for me.

From Dana Gould's "Jimmy the Idiot": I figured I'd become a movie star and use it as a springboard to writing. Is there not a more difficult route? It was as if I wanted to be a pastry chef and entered politics to do it. After all, once I'm president of the United States, I can bake anything I want.

From Maxine Lapiduss's essay "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service": ...and I didn't make a million bucks or become an instant hit on Letterman. But foolishly that wasn't what I had asked God to do for me. I'd asked for a below-minimum-wage job and some costume assistance, and that's exactly what I got. Next time, I'll be more specific.

About The Author/Editor
The book was edited by Annabelle Gurwitch -- an actress who had the distinction of being fired by her idol Woody Allen (a story she includes in the book). After that experience, she began gathering stories about being fired from her friends (and she's got some funny friends). The stories turned into a contributions on Day to Day on NPR, a show, a documentary, and a web site. She is perhaps best know as the cohost of the cult TV hit Dinner and a Movie on TBS. She is currently working on a book about marriage with her husband called You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up.

Final Opinion and Giveaway
This was a fun, easy book to read. It was pretty humorous, and I enjoyed it.

[Barry Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Subtitled “Tales of the Canned, Cancelled, Downsized and Dismissed.” Ms. Gurwitch, formerly on the TV show “Dinner and and Movie” and an actor and comedian, was selected for an off-Broadway play by Woody Allen, who summarily dismissed her without ever making eye contact or using her name, saying, “You’re retarded.” After being fired by an entertainment icon, she found out that many others had similar experiences. This book recounts many of them, along with various statistics on such adventures. The list includes all kinds of individuals, such as Robert Reich, Patricia Heaton, Harry Shearer, Morgan Spurlock and many more.
Chapters include Firings You Wanted, Firings You Did Not Expect, Firings You Deserved, Firings That Opened Doors and Self-Firings. An interesting and often entertaining book, it suffers from far too much vernacular language to our liking (notably many instances of the “F-word”), but does show how firings are often able to create real opportunities. She includes her own story, and thanks Mr. Allen in the acknowledgements (placed in the back of the book) as follows: “Special thanks to Woody Allen. I knew that working with you would change my life. It did. Just not in the way I expected.” Ms. Gurwitch now has had “Fired!” segments on NPR, sold-out performances in LA and NYC and an upcoming film.

[Mckinley · Rating 4 out of 5]

The books starts innocently enough with a story from the editor about being hired and shortly thereafter fired by her idol, Woody Allen. She was miserable about it, but when she told others not only did they laugh, but many shared their own stories of being let-go.

It turns out that there are sub-categories to being fired and this book has examples of them all:
- the job so terrible you can only hope to be fired,
- the firing you didn't see coming,
- the time you deserved to be fired,
- the time getting fired leads you to something better,
- and the time you had to fire yourself.

Many of these center around the entertain business which seems harsher to me than ever before. The stories themselves though are amusing and poke fun at the ridiculous and odd nature of work. Ironically, most of the contributors are famous. The moral? Being hired is most likely very good for you. Maybe being fired is par for the employment course. What's your 'fired' story?

[Cassie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Again, I wish I could give a book 3.5 stars. I enjoyed reading this book after watching a small portion of the Documentary of the same name directed by the author. I wanted to continue reading all of the stories of being fired but never felt the book really pulling me. Most of the stories are written by directors or actors who discuss being fired from menial jobs they held while pursuing their "dream". I wished there had been more stories from everyday folks. You can only read so many stories about people wanting to stick it to their former boss at the deli/restaurant/video store by making it "big" before they all start to sound the same. After saying all of this I would still recommend this book. There were plenty of humorous stories to make up for the redundancy.

[Barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have ever been fired, you can place yourself in the same company as comedians Judy Gold and Anne Meara, actress Ileana Douglas, and filmmaker Morgan Spurlock. There are five categories of being fired, according to the book: (1) the job so terrible you can only hope to be fired; (2) the firing you didn't see coming; (3)the time you deserved to be fired; (4) the time getting fired leads you to something better; and (5) the time you had to fire yourself. The humor is uneven at times, but overall, it's a funny look at the world we work in.

[Megalion · Rating 5 out of 5]

Again a very early review... LOVING this so far. Each tale is to the point, entertaining and often with comeuppance in the end. Some by names I recognize, some I don't. Either way, I've yet to read a tale that failed to keep my attention.

Because of it's nature, it's great for a 5 min break read (aka bathroom read), it's also fast IMO if you sit and read. I have a hard time putting it down once I get a couple stories in.... The stories flow together really well.

Finish: Nothing to add really... it's a lot of fun and entertaining to read.

[Andrew · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was Alex's CHA selection. It was just a series of anecdotes from people who have been fired: some famous, some not. The stories were interesting and funny, but the vast majority of them were about people who were fired from acting gigs, which is not what comes to mind (for me anyway) when I think of the word "fired". Many of the people weren't even fired, just not called back. That aside, the book was a fun read.

[Catherine Amos · Rating 3 out of 5]

I bought the book immediately viewing the documentary that Gurwitch also made about the subject. The stories about being "let go" range from the hilarious to the heart-rending, but all have one thing in common - each person has moved on to bigger and better things. So it just goes to show that we can learn quite a bit about ourselves, and others, from the failed relationships we might have had even in the professional arena.

[Dave Gaston · Rating 5 out of 5]

Universally funny audio book, it is amazing that someone didn’t choose this subject before now. A series of short stories and stand up performances dramatically retelling the events surrounding the day they were fired. My personal favorite was the macho, “You be a man. I’ll be a man.” As an aside, amused to find this coded under business books. 10/23/06

[Jason Fialkovich · Rating 5 out of 5]

A hilarious collection of essays about even famous people getting fired. This book took me a day to read while on my cruise. I recommend it to anybody looking for a quick, easy, and encouraging book that'll put alot of things in perspective and assure you other people go through difficult times. (No, I didn't get fired from my job!)

[Margaret Dybala · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fired!

I have only been fired once. And, in that case, I was laid off at the end of a grant. It wasnt anyone's fault, but I still felt bad. No matter where a person ends up, being laid off, fired, downsized, whatever, is unpleasant. Reading these experiences of very talented, very funny people was an interesting experience. Not exactly pleasant, but, at times, really funny.

[Brandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Light, usually funny. Mostly TV/movie celebrities, with a couple of relative nobodies thrown into the mix. I'd imagine that it's a much funnier book if you've been recently shitcanned, but without that context? Funny enough, but with little lasting memory.

[HeavyReader · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started reading this book one day at work when the computers were down and I didn't have anything to do, but couldn't leave. It is amusing. It is amusing to read stories of rich and famous people (mostly) in the entertainment industry getting fired.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

Almost as good as the documentary (watch it!), this book is equally funny, chilling and inspiring. It suffers a bit from too many show-biz stories, but still, well worth reading.

Now -- how about a sequel!

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this at work yesterday & laughed aloud. Creative people telling tales of getting fired, what's not to love? Apparently there is a movie with some firings that are not in the audio - I'll be watching that soon.
Charlayne Woodard, fired from Henry IV, is a highlight.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

While this group of essays was amusing, it was not as funny as I had hoped it would be when I picked it up. I have noted a number of things in my life being less enjoyable due to my high expectations lately (movies, novels, etc.) and it is something I am working on for my own personal growth.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's amusing, and it made me feel a lot better about my own sudden shift in career plans. It's not life-changing, literary masterpiece that makes you reconsider everything you thought you knew, but it was enjoyable and comforting.

[Mike · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is a sly message. All of these folks got fired, but there is almost always a happy ending: success. The sin is not getting fired; it's to stop trying or to lose your sense of humor. In fact if you haven't been fired, you apparently aren't trying hard enough.