It Never Ends: Mothering Middle-Aged Daughters

by Sandra Butler, Nan Fink Gefen

As mothers and daughters age, their relationship shifts and changes in complex and often demanding ways. In It Never Ends, women speak openly about the satisfactions and sorrows of mothering middle-aged daughters and discuss the issues that continue to surface, the ongoing effects of the past on the present, and the varied and often invisible ways they continue mothering. Mothers acknowledge an inevitable recalibrating of authority, autonomy, and independence now that they no longer are as central in the lives of their daughters as they once were.
In these pages mothers reveal the courage that comes with aging and their engagement in a time of reckoning: acknowledging past mistakes, forgiving themselves and their daughters, and moving toward a greater acceptance of their connection in all its human imperfection.

300 pages, Paperback

First published October 10, 2017

Reviews

[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this book. I thought authors, Sandra Butler and Nan Fink Gefen did a good job of compiling all of these different stories from many different women and walks of life. Although, I must admit that I found a bunch of the stories to be sad if not a little depressing. It is sad that some of the women's stories featured relationships with their estranged daughters. I could not imagine this type of relationship. This is because I am fortunate to have a close relationship with my mom. I try to visit at least every other weekend and although I only live about fifteen to twenty minutes away, after I leave I call or message my mom to let her know I got home safely. Additionally, I could relate to the fact that just because I am in my mid-thirties that I don't still need my mom. I still go to her for advice.

Although, many of the women's stories were uplifting to read. There were other mother/daughter relationships that were close like mine and others that they saw or spoke to their daughters every so often and they were fine with this. There was even one woman who traveled to another country to visit her daughter for a long trip. Then there were women who were not close before but have grown closer as the ages have gone by. I found this book to be a thoughtful read, if not a conversational piece. This book would be a good bookclub read as well. A mother's love never ends.

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

The authors interviewed over 75 women between the ages of 60 and 80 to learn more about mothering middle-aged daughters. First point made is "mothering" never ends, the process evolves into a different "process" based on the daughter's life experiences, professions chosen, partners, etc. It is multi-layered with the mother bringing in her background and experiences from being a daughter and her interaction with her mother and grandmothers and their personalities, family experiences followed by her life experiences that are brought into the next generation of mothering. Authors pointed out that this group came of age in the 1960's - 1970's which were filled with the women's movement, Civil Rights era and the Viet Nam War. Suddenly, the idea of women's role in life was being changed drastically which also began to change the idea of "stay at home mother".

The book has many valid points but it is small sampling of women and all are in the West Coast area. It, as stated, there are so many layers and of course, by it's title is "mother-daughter" which doesn't take into account the spouses/fathers personalities/participation of raising daughters.

[CE Depner · Rating 5 out of 5]

A creative reversal on the question of what longevity brings to the mother-daughter relationship.

[Mills College Library]

306.8743 B9869 2017