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Defying the Verdict: my bipolar life
During her final semester of college, Charita Brown suffered a psychotic episode frighteningly reminiscent of her grandmother's own breakdown and subsequent hospitalization. Afterward, she was diagnosed as bipolar. Vowing to remain honest, Charita details her struggle after her diagnosis—a life full of love, hope, and success.
Charita Cole Brown earned a BA in English from Wesleyan University and an MAT in Early Childhood Education from Towson University in Maryland. She is now retired and lives in Baltimore with her two daughters.
Charita Cole Brown earned a BA in English from Wesleyan University and an MAT in Early Childhood Education from Towson University in Maryland. She is now retired and lives in Baltimore with her two daughters.
300 pages, Paperback
First published September 12, 2017
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
July 9, 2018
The author is certifiably crazy and that is what this book is ostensibly about, her bipolar disease with schizo-affective disorder and psychotic breaks. However I think she's crazy in another way, but she wouldn't agree. Nevertheless, she describes it in as much detail as her psychosis in the book.
From a young age the author suffered badly from overwhelming depression and later added dreadfully off-balance manic attacks where she spoke and acted so inappropriately that she would regularly be carted off to hospital, and once to jail (after she slapped a policeman). Her type of bipolar is one that worsens with time, and she captures that in the rhythm of the book. Her crying jags, her depression is just briefly touched on until it becomes deeper and then the description becomes deeper too. Similarly, but more expansively she describes her manic periods. As she is a very good writer, she really gives you the sense of what it is to be immersed in a joyous madness.
The other kind of crazy keeping perfect time with her mental illness is her practice of religion. She grew up Catholic and took to heart all the terrors of punishment for sin that the nuns inculcated into her. So, in college she looks for a church more in keeping with her own interpretation of God . She finds an Apostolic Church that has a sign, "God is Love" and that speaks in tongues and feels at home.
In an effort to be a perfect Christian she goes along with all the 'divine' rules the male pastors have invented to control women. She gives up wearing sweats like the other students and wear skirts and dresses in modest styles and dull colours. No make up or even nail polish, which signifies pride. At a month-long prayer convention she is allowed only one meal a day.
And she welcomes all this control. The more rules she has, the more she thinks she can rein in her unruly mind. Her church is so extreme that I would call it an insane institution when I read that the pastor suggested she skip her sister's wedding reception to attend a church service. (She went to the wedding, she was never that crazy).
Eventually she risks her precarious sanity because a man demands it of her. She becomes the wife of Oscar Brown, despite the unyielding disapproval of his family for the crazy woman. But it is him that is really the crazy one, and evil to me. But he doesn't see it in that light. Men never see control of women as crazy or evil, or else they probably wouldn't do it.
The Church Oscar belonged to was not only modest dress, limited food, no wedding rings it was also opposed to medical assistance although Oscar felt it was a personal decision which allowed Charita to take the lithium that kept her sane. However he was vehemently opposed to contraception and lithium in the first trimester would damage the baby's heart. So what did her dear, kind and (to the world) eminently sane husband tell her? That when she got pregnant she must come of the lithium and he would be her medicine, no need for doctors. This is sanity. This is religion.
She got pregnant almost immediately and when her husband died just 2.5 years later he left her with a 19-month year old toddler and a six months old baby to bring up. She was lucky, she had held on to her sanity (and was back on lithium) and only had the two, and great family support.
My nanny, Church of God of Prophecy
As a pragmatist, an existentialist and a humanist, I cannot see my way into these ever more restrictive rules of how to please God whom they preach is a god of love (really? a stern god of disapproval is how it looks to me) so you will get eternal life. I wish I could understand the joy and clarity these people do. And I wonder, did it add to the craziness of the author, or did it sustain her through her psychosis?
From a young age the author suffered badly from overwhelming depression and later added dreadfully off-balance manic attacks where she spoke and acted so inappropriately that she would regularly be carted off to hospital, and once to jail (after she slapped a policeman). Her type of bipolar is one that worsens with time, and she captures that in the rhythm of the book. Her crying jags, her depression is just briefly touched on until it becomes deeper and then the description becomes deeper too. Similarly, but more expansively she describes her manic periods. As she is a very good writer, she really gives you the sense of what it is to be immersed in a joyous madness.
The other kind of crazy keeping perfect time with her mental illness is her practice of religion. She grew up Catholic and took to heart all the terrors of punishment for sin that the nuns inculcated into her. So, in college she looks for a church more in keeping with her own interpretation of God . She finds an Apostolic Church that has a sign, "God is Love" and that speaks in tongues and feels at home.
In an effort to be a perfect Christian she goes along with all the 'divine' rules the male pastors have invented to control women. She gives up wearing sweats like the other students and wear skirts and dresses in modest styles and dull colours. No make up or even nail polish, which signifies pride. At a month-long prayer convention she is allowed only one meal a day.
And she welcomes all this control. The more rules she has, the more she thinks she can rein in her unruly mind. Her church is so extreme that I would call it an insane institution when I read that the pastor suggested she skip her sister's wedding reception to attend a church service. (She went to the wedding, she was never that crazy).
Eventually she risks her precarious sanity because a man demands it of her. She becomes the wife of Oscar Brown, despite the unyielding disapproval of his family for the crazy woman. But it is him that is really the crazy one, and evil to me. But he doesn't see it in that light. Men never see control of women as crazy or evil, or else they probably wouldn't do it.
The Church Oscar belonged to was not only modest dress, limited food, no wedding rings it was also opposed to medical assistance although Oscar felt it was a personal decision which allowed Charita to take the lithium that kept her sane. However he was vehemently opposed to contraception and lithium in the first trimester would damage the baby's heart. So what did her dear, kind and (to the world) eminently sane husband tell her? That when she got pregnant she must come of the lithium and he would be her medicine, no need for doctors. This is sanity. This is religion.
She got pregnant almost immediately and when her husband died just 2.5 years later he left her with a 19-month year old toddler and a six months old baby to bring up. She was lucky, she had held on to her sanity (and was back on lithium) and only had the two, and great family support.
My nanny, Church of God of Prophecy
As a pragmatist, an existentialist and a humanist, I cannot see my way into these ever more restrictive rules of how to please God whom they preach is a god of love (really? a stern god of disapproval is how it looks to me) so you will get eternal life. I wish I could understand the joy and clarity these people do. And I wonder, did it add to the craziness of the author, or did it sustain her through her psychosis?
January 22, 2024
Knowing Charita and being in the mental health field, this book is very impactful. I appreciate vulnerability no matter who is writing or sharing. But when it is a person close to you, it means that much more.
It gives hope to me as a consumer and family member of loved ones with mental illness. There are rough days, but there are better days ahead.
Also, I appreciate how Charita shared her faith without pushing it onto others. I am not a follower of any religion and do not plan to be. But, I am a firm believer that you must do whatever works for you.
This is a beautiful story and I highly recommend to anyone that may or may not know anything about mental illness. It can be tough and a process to overcome, but with the correct support and treatment, many individuals living with this illness can “defy the verdict.”
It gives hope to me as a consumer and family member of loved ones with mental illness. There are rough days, but there are better days ahead.
Also, I appreciate how Charita shared her faith without pushing it onto others. I am not a follower of any religion and do not plan to be. But, I am a firm believer that you must do whatever works for you.
This is a beautiful story and I highly recommend to anyone that may or may not know anything about mental illness. It can be tough and a process to overcome, but with the correct support and treatment, many individuals living with this illness can “defy the verdict.”
Read
July 17, 2020A truly sad yet gorgeous story of struggle and triumph that lodges its way into your brain and never quite leaves you.
March 15, 2019
The writing is stilted, going along in chronological sequence and was getting bring until I realized that her telling of her experience was likely similar to how her illness developed. Things seem normal at first, then spin out of control, leaving family and friends baffled and cautious and maybe ashamed. Then normalcy returns, but not quite, and control is lost again and again until there is a firm diagnosis and acceptance. I was three quarters into the book before I saw the genius in how she structured her story. This is an interesting read for anyone who knows someone close to them that has suffered mental illness. Family support is so important.
August 30, 2018
"I had rediscovered I could live healthily outside the fortress I had created around myself." (181)
Charita Cole Brown chronicles her journey through bipolar disorder diagnosis--starting with childhood to her late 20s. Although a chronicalogical memoir, the journey is not linear. There are steps forward and setbacks. Brown emphasizes the help of her support system, while also showing that the faith community she was attempting to heal herself with has prejudiced views toward mental illness. Through it all, Brown learns how to thrive.
Important read for anyone struggling with a chronic illness, and anyone that has realized the importance of destigmatization of mental illness.
Charita Cole Brown chronicles her journey through bipolar disorder diagnosis--starting with childhood to her late 20s. Although a chronicalogical memoir, the journey is not linear. There are steps forward and setbacks. Brown emphasizes the help of her support system, while also showing that the faith community she was attempting to heal herself with has prejudiced views toward mental illness. Through it all, Brown learns how to thrive.
Important read for anyone struggling with a chronic illness, and anyone that has realized the importance of destigmatization of mental illness.
January 1, 2019
This was a very good story of how there’s life outside of mental illness. I just personally found most of the book boring and some parts dragged on. I feel like this book could’ve been shorter. Very nice heart-warming ending though. One last thing that bugs me is when an author over uses “big, fancy” words to sound better. I felt like I needed a dictionary to read this book. Besides that I give it 3 stars.
April 11, 2019
A brave memoir written with honesty and a deep dive into the most painful moments of Charita's life. Inspired to share her diagnosis and recovery after successfully wining a writing contest, Charita travels back in time to unravel the why of her illness and the how of her recovery.
June 2, 2020
Just READ it! Read it for the beautiful account that is of Charita Cole Brown's life.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews