Christian Cosmo: The Sex Talk You Never Had

by Phylicia D. Masonheimer

Christian Cosmo is the sex talk many girls never get. Rather than learn about sex from the culture, Christian Cosmo answers sexual questions from a Scriptural standpoint. By reframing sex for the single girl, we lay the foundation for God-honoring marriages and end the stigma on female sexuality.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Marriage, Relationships, Religion, Theology

57 pages, ebook

Published March 1, 2017

Reviews

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

I honestly almost didn’t put this on goodreads because I was embarassed to need this advice, but that’s so silly. We all sin and we all have moments where we decide to turn away from that sin and back to God again.

Really insightful and full of grace. It’s so easy to slip down that road of temptation and live in a headspace of guilt and shame and Phylicia’s words definitely feel like a start in the right direction. But obviously the real start is with God.

[Chelsia · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who's struggled with guilt, shame, embarrassment, and regret with the sexual sins in my life, this book is very freeing. Firstly, I love the way it is written. It's so well thought out, easy to understand, and answers a lot of questions and concerns.
The heart of the book is to share how our right relationship with God can give us freedom from our prison of sin, while also teaching those who desire to walk in a pure, intimate with God and their spouses.
It's an easy read, but it is definitely worthwhile taking your time through it, answering the questions at the end of each chapter and then if needed, checking out the resources at the back of the book. I highly recommend this book to any girl or woman (age appropriate) who desires to know more, seek God, purity, and be released from the sins of the past through confessions and repentance.

[Leah Good · Rating 4 out of 5]

This small book contains a direct but biblical conversation about sex. Definitely recommend for age 18+!

I appreciate how Phylicia uses a scriptural perspective to encourage young women to neither fantasize over nor fear the wedding bed.

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really appreciate the heart behind Phylicia's book, however, if you have followed her for any amount of time you have probably read most of the content on her blog. I'll probably pass it along to some of my girlfriends though!

[mackenzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The way that this book reframed sex in a biblical way that wasn’t all about shame!! was!! amazing!! There’s a lot of wisdom and practical advice for navigating sexuality in a world that applauds and abuses it.

[Amanda Tero · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had read this ten years ago. Of all the books and resources I have read, none have been as in-depth about combining spirituality and sexuality.

It saddens me that purity culture has harmed our viewpoint on sex and this book is good to hand to girls 18+ (though in some cases, even younger could be appropriate because I’d rather satisfy a teen’s curiosity with a Biblical perspective than Google search).

I feel like I’m on a journey to repattern my thoughts on sexuality after being infused in purity culture, and this God-centered book was very helpful.

I read the newly updated version (2023 I believe).

[Caty Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this to see if I could recommend it to the young women in my church as a Biblically sound resource. It is a fantastic book that I will definitely be sharing. When dealing with this topic there are two very deep ditches you can get into on either side, and Phylicia does a wonderful job of sticking with Biblical teaching that is positive and filled with grace while still being committed to holiness and purity. This is a wonderful resource that is short and easy to read. It covers the basics well. I highly recommend it for young Christian women.

[Johnnie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read the new updated 2023 version of this book. I think it is a good resource, especially for those who have never had a space to process these things before. There were a lot of things in this book that simply aren’t applicable to me in my current season of life, but some of the questions at the end of the chapters were helpful for me to process through and bring to the Lord! Overall, it was a quick read and I am glad I read it.

[Adrienne Powell · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a woman who has struggled with lust and grew up in the thick of purity culture, this was a breath of fresh air. Phylicia approaches the topic with grace and knowledge and a way to explain that makes you feel understood and not judged. I wish I would have had this book when I was 18 instead of 33.

[Day Fisher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sorry not sorry to all the people who see this update and go, 'really, Day did you need to record this book and review it?'. Well yes, in fact I did. The moral of this book is that if we don't talk about sexuality from a biblical Christian perspective, then we will find out about it from the world - which would you rather? This was a really interesting and honest read and if you want to read it, shoot me a message and I'll hook you up with a pdf.

[Keri Higgins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been on a search to find books and resources to be better equipped to talk to young sisters in Christ about this topic that often comes up. This book is so helpful and full of wisdom! Highly recommend!

[Greta Linnik · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Remember: virginity is not God's goal-holiness is." I cannot believe how helpful this book is. Phylicia Masonheimer does an excellent job of tearing down the strongholds of purity culture and also a worldly view of sex. While this book does go into some sexual details, I believe that it is written in a way that brings honor to the act of sex and the Creator of it. For far too long have Christians avoided the topic of sex and giving "the talk" to their children. As I read through the section in which she goes over basic terms and sexual acts, I thought about where I had learned what each of these terms meant. So many times, we avoid talking about sex, but the fact is, people will get their sexual education from somewhere. Why leave it up to Google and Cosmopolitan magazine? I would recommend this book for girls in their mid to late teens all the way to married women. There is so much wonderful information for overcoming sexual sins and I love the information on birth control. Birth control is a topic many avoid talking about, and many Christian girls have no idea how it even works.

[Jordan Cunningham · Rating 5 out of 5]

I needed to read this book. I probably could’ve read it sooner, but now is good too! I subscribe to Phylicia‘s weekly email and when she advertised this book I knew it was something I needed. I’m married, I already know a lot of things but no one ever gave me the vocabulary or the context to think about sexuality as a Christian woman. Phylicia cited lots of scripture to build her case for a pure pattern of life before and after marriage. She covered everything that I needed her to plus a little extra and there’s some other resources listed in the back. On her email she said that she’s recently redone this book and it’s available on her website. If you seek to follow Jesus in every part of your life you will need this information too.

[Priscila · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great resource for young adult women. As another reviewer mentioned, if you've been following her blog for a while, you will have heard about half of the content already. If not, be prepared to find some nuggets of wisdom (especially those concerned with female sexuality and how to view it from a Christian/godly perspective). Yes, it includes a sex talk for the sake of the ones who may have never had one, but it also offers advice, among many things, about purity and how to live it holistically.

[Tracy Chambers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this really helpful - I have spent a long time avoiding thinking about sex and issues surrounding it because I didn't think it was a good thing to do. But Phylicia writes frankly about things like lust, masturbation and expectations of sex in marriage, weaving in God's grace and what Scripture says about each of these things. Found it really helpful, and she lists lots of helpful further reading at the end, which I'm looking forward to digging into.

[Nancy Wood · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I wish I'd read when I was single. In most of Christian culture, it's hard to talk about these topics, but Phylicia doesn't hold back. I would highly recommend this for girls confused about their sexuality and who haven't received many answers from their family or church. We need to be able to talk about this topic openly!

[Eva Keller · Rating 3 out of 5]

Worthwhile resource for Christian women.

[Allison Hilleson · Rating 5 out of 5]

"God's goal is not virginity. His heart is for holiness."

As the title suggest, this book covers basic details about sex in a Biblical and classy manner. It is also a good starting place for other aspects of sexual purity beyond the act itself. A great starting place for someone (like myself) who grew up in unhealthy "purity cultures" with mystery, shame, and fear around the topic.

For unmarried women it discusses what God desires of for in loving him with your sexuality and singleness.

For those in relationships/on the cusp of marriage, she discusses important boundaries but the deeper reasons behind them, as well as providing resources and truthes for discussion.

As a married women, I found it to be a set of gentle reminders of God's truthes vs the world's views of sex.
And as a mom of girls, a starting place for what I want to teach my own children about God in this area.

For those of us who stumbled into sin or struggled with addiction, it is also a good beginning point for freedom, full of God's love and plan for us with reminders of so many Biblical truthes.

The book does give basic, informational but non graphic defenitions about the basic sex act and some words associated with it.

There were a few further definitions (like lust) that I thought could have been more direct but, as I said, it's a good starting point for conversations and understanding especially if you've never had "the talk" or grew up with intense fear and shame around sex.

Phylicia also provides a list of books and resources that provide further details and explore different facets in more depth as needed.

(I read the updated 2024 version: The Sex Talk You Never Had, available on her website.)

[Zoe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very convicting and Inspiring. This book put into words many of the frustrations and disconnects I had with sexuality in my faith and allowed for a more graceful approach in my walk with God. Masonheimer emphasizes how a skewed view of sexuality can result in an altered view of God, ourselves, and our partners but also highlights the redemption of these views found in a Christlike view of sex. I recommend it to any woman whether single, dating, or married just trying to navigate their God given desires!

[Máire · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic read for any girl with questions on sex. I read it as a young adult when it came out but I think it would have been helpful earlier, in my teens, if it had existed. It felt like a chat with a big sister or a mother figure, honest, to the point, open and non judgemental, clear and concise, leaving no room for shame or guilt. This book could also be a helpful guide for an adult woman looking for the words or a framework to open the discussion on sex with a young girl.

[Candice Morse · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who was never given “The Talk”, I read this book to help prepare healthy conversations with my daughters. Phylicia does an amazing job discussing this topic from a biblical perspective, debunks the world’s views and lies from the enemy along with giving hopeful insight to something God created for good.

This book is very helpful, healing and redemptive for those who have also had broken pasts. God wants you to have healing and restoration through Jesus.

[Abigail Haag · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this more as a research item.
For someone with my upbringing I did not relate to the author.
However, I did marry into a family that the women were all raised through the church with these ideas.
I believe for women who were raised in strict purity culture this book would be a very safe and beneficial read as a late teen, young adult.

This book would bring a lot of answers and comfort to someone raised with sex being shameful as they are having to rewire their brains in marriage.

[Isaac Eames · Rating 5 out of 5]

(Technically read the 2023 rebrand titled "The Sex Talk You Never Had: An Honest, Biblical Approach To Purity, Porn, and a Truly Free Sexuality" but I couldn't find it on Goodreads)

Easy read that is very freeing to women who grew up in Purity Culture. While I would have preferred her using a different word than purity, because of the baggage associated with it, I do appreciate how she gives a better definition of what purity is and isn't. No guilt or shame when reading this book.

[Emily Fowler · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Phylicia's kind but confident approach to this topic. She addressed a variety of questions and issues not addressed by most churches today. She is very good about not stating things as a "one size fits all and everyone has to do it this way" but still steady and confident in addressing that there are certain things that the Bible says that we cannot negotiate .

[Renae Hackley · Rating 5 out of 5]

For many of us Christian’s that grew up in purity culture, not enough about sex was taught. This book is informational and a great reminder of God’s greatness and why he made sex. I highly recommend for older girls in serious relationships. Maybe high school and older.

[Jordan Karr · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good resource! I appreciated how she backed up each point with a biblical standing.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anything by Phylicia Masonheimer is guaranteed to be a great, insightful read.

[Caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely need to buy my own copy to mark up, this put women's sex and sexuality in a BIBLICAL lense ! Thank👏You👏

[Emilie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is timely, well done, and so needed for teens. I wish I had had this book as a resource in high school.

[Angieleigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can't recall how exactly I came across Phylicia's blog, but I've followed her on and off for four years now. Well, I've been a consistent follower of hers for the last year, to be honest.

Anyway...

Christian Cosmo is a book that teenage girls up to young women who never had "THAT TALK" with their parents or a trusted adult about what to expect on their wedding night.

Phylicia speaks bluntly, but not crudely. Everything she says can be backed up by the Bible and biology.

A definite recommendation.