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The Dead Moms Club: A Memoir about Death, Grief, and Surviving the Mother of All Losses
Kate Spencer lost her mom to cancer when she was 27. In The Dead Moms Club, she walks readers through her experience of stumbling through grief and loss, and helps them to get through it, too. This isn't a weepy, sentimental story, but rather a frank, up-front look at what it means to go through gruesome grief and come out on the other side.
An empathetic read, The Dead Moms Club covers how losing her mother changed nearly everything in her life: both men and women readers who have lost parents or experienced grief of this magnitude will be comforted and consoled. Spencer even concludes each chapter with a cheeky but useful tip for readers (like the "It's None of Your Business Card" to copy and hand out to nosy strangers asking about your passed loved one).
An empathetic read, The Dead Moms Club covers how losing her mother changed nearly everything in her life: both men and women readers who have lost parents or experienced grief of this magnitude will be comforted and consoled. Spencer even concludes each chapter with a cheeky but useful tip for readers (like the "It's None of Your Business Card" to copy and hand out to nosy strangers asking about your passed loved one).
288 pages, Paperback
First published November 21, 2017
327 people are currently reading
3484 people want to read
About the author
Kate Spencer
4 books922 followersKate Spencer is the author of the upcoming romantic comedy, In a New York Minute (Forever, 2022), and the memoir The Dead Moms Club (Seal Press, 2017). She's also the co-host of the podcast Forever35, which tackles all things self-care with humor and honesty. Her written work has appeared on numerous platforms and publications, including Buzzfeed, The Washington Post, Cosmopolitan, Rolling Stone, and Esquire. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two kids.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 291 reviews
June 16, 2018
Let's start off with why I'm here: I'm a part of this club. I never would've thought to order this book online if I wasn't. And I'm glad I did. My rating for this book is based on how much it helped me — and it helped me, hence the full rating. I would read this book again. I was sad I finished it tonight, because I felt like I was saying goodbye to a friend I latched myself onto.
A lovely member of Oh No They Didn't! recommended this book to me back in early December. As soon as I Googled it and read the synopsis, I ordered it immediately with every intention to read it as soon as it arrived on my doorstep.
I didn't read it as soon as it arrived on my doorstep. Instead, I looked at it, put it on my bookshelf, and didn't pick it up until May.
Why May? May is Mother's Day and my birthday. I needed a friend to help me get through it. This isn't to say my friends haven't been — they have. But I needed someone who would be there at the hours I needed, who knew what I was feeling without needing me to tell them. As I read this book, I felt justified in my feelings, in the thoughts I had and am having, and have found understanding in even my own reactions.
This book was there for me in a way where it initiated the conversation. I was taken along Kate's journey, and while I couldn't relate to some aspects of her memoir, I understood the emotion. Her words spoke to me in a way and at a time where I didn't realise I needed to invite it in.
Am I making sense? I hope I'm making sense.
I found myself surprised to be crying at sections of it. I was upset for Kate, for my new friend who was grieving so palpably through the pages. But I was crying for myself, because where Kate spoke of her mother, I inserted my own, and I found someone who understood all the things I knew and didn't know I was doing.
I don't feel comfortable reviewing someone else's grief, because it isn't my place to judge. I am grateful for this memoir. I am grateful I read it. I am grateful I have it available to turn to when I need it.
It has been a friend who has hugged me when I needed it, and an enemy who has ripped me open when I wasn't expecting it.
I thought I would be able to finish this book and have a stack of quotes with me to include in my review. I don't. There are, quite frankly, too many quotes.
I loved the words from Martha at the end.
Thank you for sharing your story, Kate. Nothing I could say would encompass what this book means to me and has done for me. While it hasn't taken away my grief, it's given me the ability to accept it, control it when I see it coming at me, and, most of all, just experience it, knowing I am most definitely not alone.
A lovely member of Oh No They Didn't! recommended this book to me back in early December. As soon as I Googled it and read the synopsis, I ordered it immediately with every intention to read it as soon as it arrived on my doorstep.
I didn't read it as soon as it arrived on my doorstep. Instead, I looked at it, put it on my bookshelf, and didn't pick it up until May.
Why May? May is Mother's Day and my birthday. I needed a friend to help me get through it. This isn't to say my friends haven't been — they have. But I needed someone who would be there at the hours I needed, who knew what I was feeling without needing me to tell them. As I read this book, I felt justified in my feelings, in the thoughts I had and am having, and have found understanding in even my own reactions.
This book was there for me in a way where it initiated the conversation. I was taken along Kate's journey, and while I couldn't relate to some aspects of her memoir, I understood the emotion. Her words spoke to me in a way and at a time where I didn't realise I needed to invite it in.
Am I making sense? I hope I'm making sense.
I found myself surprised to be crying at sections of it. I was upset for Kate, for my new friend who was grieving so palpably through the pages. But I was crying for myself, because where Kate spoke of her mother, I inserted my own, and I found someone who understood all the things I knew and didn't know I was doing.
I don't feel comfortable reviewing someone else's grief, because it isn't my place to judge. I am grateful for this memoir. I am grateful I read it. I am grateful I have it available to turn to when I need it.
It has been a friend who has hugged me when I needed it, and an enemy who has ripped me open when I wasn't expecting it.
I thought I would be able to finish this book and have a stack of quotes with me to include in my review. I don't. There are, quite frankly, too many quotes.
I loved the words from Martha at the end.
Thank you for sharing your story, Kate. Nothing I could say would encompass what this book means to me and has done for me. While it hasn't taken away my grief, it's given me the ability to accept it, control it when I see it coming at me, and, most of all, just experience it, knowing I am most definitely not alone.
November 24, 2017
A warning to potential readers: don’t start this book unless you have time to finish it in one or two sittings. It’s that good. Spencer writes in an engaging, self-deprecating and chatty style about a topic that most of us will experience in our lives, and her observations are heart-felt and true. You never “get over” your mother’s death, nor does your mother ever leave you. Learning to live with the tension between those two realities is what it’s all about.
February 5, 2018
"You have one long, messy, weird, beautiful life. People come in and out of it, live and die, and affect us in enormous and not-so-enormous ways. Your mom's death is now a piece of you, a new dent on the side of the strange, misshapen thing that is your life."
***
As a member of the Dead Moms Club for the past seven years, I (unfortunately) relate to everything Kate Spencer writes about in this book. Part memoir, part self-help guide to grief, she uses humor -- perhaps gratuitously at times -- to help the reader navigate the ugly and foreign world of the motherless. "You won't know how you're going to make it through," she writes. "But you will. You will."
Her book is filled with reminders of what the motherless among us know to be true: Mother's Day is the "Darth Vader of holidays" (she nails that one); planning a wedding without your mom is no walk in the park; and holidays really never will be the same. She also adds (and I laughed aloud at this), "You're totally allowed to side-eye all those people who say, 'She's in a better place now!' Screw them." (Thank you, Kate!) Spencer also astutely points out what we all know to be true, whether we've experienced grief or not: we live in a society that avoids the acknowledgment of grief or loss at all costs. She claims that people are "better at swallowing their grief than discussing it" -- which only exacerbates the pain of those grieving. She provides us all with an important reminder: "If you don't know what to say to someone grieving, just try. There isn't a right thing to say. Just say something. That is, quite simply, good enough."
Beneath the (often dark) humor Kate Spencer uses to chronicle the grief of losing her mom at 27 to pancreatic cancer, she includes some beautiful and very poignant passages on the impossibility of her journey: "This is how it is when death finally comes: your fear, anxiety, and sorrow stretch and expand, but you make room for the pain in ways you never thought possible. And then suddenly it all hits, explodes, and you are decimated." She writes beautifully about the unpredictability of grief, of its ability to blindside us at any moment: "These are the comforting, throw-away moments that when repeated every winter become permanent creases in our memory, folded into the pages of our lives. How strange it is, then, that time can move so fast. How odd that our brains latch on to these dull, forgettable moments. The lulls in between life's big events -- these are the times we cry for, long for, that make us ache."
I would recommend this book to anyone who has recently lost a parent; while the gravity of loss is sometimes diminished by Spencer's repeated jokes, her voice is authentic in its ability to bring some levity to the dark and devastating world of loss. And no matter where you are on your journey through loss, Kate Spencer is here to remind you that you can get through it. "Celebrate the person you've become not in her absence, but because of it," she writes. 3.5 stars for this unique and candid guide to grief.
***
As a member of the Dead Moms Club for the past seven years, I (unfortunately) relate to everything Kate Spencer writes about in this book. Part memoir, part self-help guide to grief, she uses humor -- perhaps gratuitously at times -- to help the reader navigate the ugly and foreign world of the motherless. "You won't know how you're going to make it through," she writes. "But you will. You will."
Her book is filled with reminders of what the motherless among us know to be true: Mother's Day is the "Darth Vader of holidays" (she nails that one); planning a wedding without your mom is no walk in the park; and holidays really never will be the same. She also adds (and I laughed aloud at this), "You're totally allowed to side-eye all those people who say, 'She's in a better place now!' Screw them." (Thank you, Kate!) Spencer also astutely points out what we all know to be true, whether we've experienced grief or not: we live in a society that avoids the acknowledgment of grief or loss at all costs. She claims that people are "better at swallowing their grief than discussing it" -- which only exacerbates the pain of those grieving. She provides us all with an important reminder: "If you don't know what to say to someone grieving, just try. There isn't a right thing to say. Just say something. That is, quite simply, good enough."
Beneath the (often dark) humor Kate Spencer uses to chronicle the grief of losing her mom at 27 to pancreatic cancer, she includes some beautiful and very poignant passages on the impossibility of her journey: "This is how it is when death finally comes: your fear, anxiety, and sorrow stretch and expand, but you make room for the pain in ways you never thought possible. And then suddenly it all hits, explodes, and you are decimated." She writes beautifully about the unpredictability of grief, of its ability to blindside us at any moment: "These are the comforting, throw-away moments that when repeated every winter become permanent creases in our memory, folded into the pages of our lives. How strange it is, then, that time can move so fast. How odd that our brains latch on to these dull, forgettable moments. The lulls in between life's big events -- these are the times we cry for, long for, that make us ache."
I would recommend this book to anyone who has recently lost a parent; while the gravity of loss is sometimes diminished by Spencer's repeated jokes, her voice is authentic in its ability to bring some levity to the dark and devastating world of loss. And no matter where you are on your journey through loss, Kate Spencer is here to remind you that you can get through it. "Celebrate the person you've become not in her absence, but because of it," she writes. 3.5 stars for this unique and candid guide to grief.
January 8, 2021
Wow I loved this. I didn’t feel alone. I felt seen. I laughed. I cried. I will have more thoughts later but this was perfect. Now I’m off to go eat cookies and look at pictures of my mom while I remember I’m a member of this awful club I didn’t willingly sign up for.
December 27, 2017
I've always thought it so interesting and peculiar that eventually every human will experience loss and grief, yet it is such a unique and personal experience. And again, people read nonfiction and memoirs about how to deal with loss, yet one person's coping mechanisms may be the exact opposite of what you need.
Which brings me to this book. I am a part of this club, and my experience has been so very different than the author's. Which, obviously, is normal. But I was still interested in reading and learning and relating to this book. But that didn't happen.
There was a lot of humor--which I liked!--except a lot of the jokes weren't actually funny. They were suuuuuper forced. And I didn't connect to it emotionally at all. Maybe because of the way it's written or because she had an annoyingly privileged attitude, but I just couldn't. It had some great quotes and moments, but overall, I expected to like it a lot more than I did.
Which brings me to this book. I am a part of this club, and my experience has been so very different than the author's. Which, obviously, is normal. But I was still interested in reading and learning and relating to this book. But that didn't happen.
There was a lot of humor--which I liked!--except a lot of the jokes weren't actually funny. They were suuuuuper forced. And I didn't connect to it emotionally at all. Maybe because of the way it's written or because she had an annoyingly privileged attitude, but I just couldn't. It had some great quotes and moments, but overall, I expected to like it a lot more than I did.
January 19, 2018
First of all, this is the worst club ever and I would like to leave. That said, I did appreciate this book, especially after having a few years to adjust to my membership.
My instinct when reading was to compare everything about the author's situation to mine. We were about the same age, our moms were about the same age, and we're both from Massachusetts (just a decade apart). After that point, I didn't find much in common with the author's life at all, and at times I genuinely couldn't tell if I even liked her.
But I thought she was right on the mark when it came to how completely the grief took over life, and the weird situations you find yourself in when explaining it, and how it all feels both incredibly selfish and completely justified when you literally can't think of anything else outside of that bubble (like, every new thing that happens is a thing I can't tell my mom and I am still annoyed by that 3 years on). Some (or most) of the personal details might be different, but the experience of loss is universal, and I liked how this book fought that with a sense of humor.
It's also more of a 3.5 star book for me, but I can save my complaints about the rating system for another day.
My instinct when reading was to compare everything about the author's situation to mine. We were about the same age, our moms were about the same age, and we're both from Massachusetts (just a decade apart). After that point, I didn't find much in common with the author's life at all, and at times I genuinely couldn't tell if I even liked her.
But I thought she was right on the mark when it came to how completely the grief took over life, and the weird situations you find yourself in when explaining it, and how it all feels both incredibly selfish and completely justified when you literally can't think of anything else outside of that bubble (like, every new thing that happens is a thing I can't tell my mom and I am still annoyed by that 3 years on). Some (or most) of the personal details might be different, but the experience of loss is universal, and I liked how this book fought that with a sense of humor.
It's also more of a 3.5 star book for me, but I can save my complaints about the rating system for another day.
April 20, 2024
Very heavy. Brought up a lot of grief. I had to break it up over a long period of time and come back to it little by little when I was ready. But it was an amazing book. I would recommend to anyone grieving the loss of their mother, especially young women.
"And the fifth and final rule of the Dead Moms Club? You're totally allowed to side-eye all people who say, "At least she's in a better place now." Screw them."
"Our mothers may be gone, but the essence of who they are is in us. And that is forever."
"And the fifth and final rule of the Dead Moms Club? You're totally allowed to side-eye all people who say, "At least she's in a better place now." Screw them."
"Our mothers may be gone, but the essence of who they are is in us. And that is forever."
November 27, 2017
To be totally honest, I know Kate IRL (brag) and read an early draft of this book (double brag) so you can take this review with NO grains of salt because, girl, I can be objective. This is a really funny, moving, vulnerable memoir about the biggest, worst loss in Kate’s life, and all the smaller, but still devastating moments of loss that have followed in the years since. It’s also about hope and healing and friendship and family and weirdos who say weird things to you when you’re going through a difficult time. It’s a really lovely book that you will read quickly but which will stay with you long after you’ve put it down. If you are or know someone who’s a member of the Dead Mom’s Club (or the Dead Dad’s Club), you need to buy this book and then clear your afternoon for reading and crying and laughing and feeling your feelings.
December 17, 2017
Unfortunately, I am a new member in this club and I ordered Kate's book to try to find some ideas about dealing with my grief. Because the situations were very different, parts of the book didn't resonate with me but there were other parts that were very meaningful.
The author has divided the book into different sections - example - Breaking the News, Holidays, Being Motherless and at the end of each section she has ideas of how to handle certain situations. The book is written with humor and isn't a book that is written in a weepy fashion. Whether you are part of the club or not, it's a book that will make you smile and that's always a good thing to do.
The author has divided the book into different sections - example - Breaking the News, Holidays, Being Motherless and at the end of each section she has ideas of how to handle certain situations. The book is written with humor and isn't a book that is written in a weepy fashion. Whether you are part of the club or not, it's a book that will make you smile and that's always a good thing to do.
June 7, 2020
This book took me a long time to read. Not because I didn’t enjoy it, but because it was hard. I picked it up less than a month after losing my mom. Kate talks about grief in a lighthearted way that makes it all seem a little less scary. She holds your hand and walks you through her experience of losing her mom. She was only a few years older than I was when she lost her mom to cancer, so a lot of it was very relatable and helpful. I’m sure it’s a book I’ll pick up again in a few years when I need a little more reassurance.
November 6, 2024
My membership to this club is really fresh. Very raw. And so eerily similar to Kate Spencer's that I am so grateful she wrote it all down.
My mom's diagnosis to her departure was a few months longer than Martha's. My mom had stage four brain cancer and the journey for the family, small wins, medical equipment, the fog of care taking, hospice, the 'what now' when it's over, and so much more, was all like looking in an adapted to tv version of my last year. (Some details were different but the essence was the same)
And it hurt.
But it helped.
It gave me the language and the words and a tether during this time where my world is completely upside down and backwards and wrong.
I underlined phrases. Dog eared pages. Made notes in the margins.
I'm taking time breath by breath right now, but I know I'm not alone in it.
So, thank you to Kate Spencer for sharing her story and providing a safe harbour.
My mom's diagnosis to her departure was a few months longer than Martha's. My mom had stage four brain cancer and the journey for the family, small wins, medical equipment, the fog of care taking, hospice, the 'what now' when it's over, and so much more, was all like looking in an adapted to tv version of my last year. (Some details were different but the essence was the same)
And it hurt.
But it helped.
It gave me the language and the words and a tether during this time where my world is completely upside down and backwards and wrong.
I underlined phrases. Dog eared pages. Made notes in the margins.
I'm taking time breath by breath right now, but I know I'm not alone in it.
So, thank you to Kate Spencer for sharing her story and providing a safe harbour.
March 21, 2025
I’ve been a “member” of this club for almost a year and have found listening to the stories of others to be good for my soul. Kate says, “I will miss the essence of my mother.” There’s “the realization that your mother’s spirit seeps into your whole world.” Sure, we know that…but when they are gone, we realize just how much of their spirit is part of everything we do.
I don’t share all of Kate’s viewpoints, but I’m glad she shared her story. Her humor was just right…she made me laugh out loud…a lot.
I don’t share all of Kate’s viewpoints, but I’m glad she shared her story. Her humor was just right…she made me laugh out loud…a lot.
January 25, 2018
I’m (thankfully) not a member of the Dead Moms Club, but this book reduced me to a puddle of tears. Kate lays out the good, bad, and ugly parts of herself and her grief in a very real, relatable way. I found her tips on how to support those who are grieving or dealing with illness to be particularly helpful. Especially when it comes to what NOT to do - which is nothing at all. Reach out, offer your support, or simply a kind word. It may not feel like much, but it’s something.
August 30, 2025
This book took me forever to get through because every chapter (despite most being very short) gave me such an emotional reaction that I could only handle so much at a time. Despite the millennial humour and mostly cheesy sentiments, I found myself reflected in a lot of the pages. How could I not? I’m a part of this club now.
Spencer provides an honest look into a loss that unfortunately most people will have to suffer through at some point. She gives snippets of advice as she recounts relatable anecdotes of situations that I have and will find myself in as I continue living without a mother’s guidance. Some of her stories gave me comfort for the future, others plagued me with more questions. But overall, her lightness and modern voice gave me something to turn to while I experience my own grief. I dreaded losing that, which is why I kept putting off finishing this thing.
I don’t know if I’ll reread this memoir, it served its purpose for me in the time it took me to read it and who knows if I will need to return to it again. I think it’s a good place to start for those new to the club. It’s not the darkest reflection of grief, it’s not romanticizing it. It feels like talking to a friend who has already been there— admittedly cringe at times, but well-intentioned. And I ultimately think it’s something my mom would have wholeheartedly enjoyed and probably would have bought for me herself if she could.
Spencer provides an honest look into a loss that unfortunately most people will have to suffer through at some point. She gives snippets of advice as she recounts relatable anecdotes of situations that I have and will find myself in as I continue living without a mother’s guidance. Some of her stories gave me comfort for the future, others plagued me with more questions. But overall, her lightness and modern voice gave me something to turn to while I experience my own grief. I dreaded losing that, which is why I kept putting off finishing this thing.
I don’t know if I’ll reread this memoir, it served its purpose for me in the time it took me to read it and who knows if I will need to return to it again. I think it’s a good place to start for those new to the club. It’s not the darkest reflection of grief, it’s not romanticizing it. It feels like talking to a friend who has already been there— admittedly cringe at times, but well-intentioned. And I ultimately think it’s something my mom would have wholeheartedly enjoyed and probably would have bought for me herself if she could.
August 8, 2025
“Your mom’s death is now a piece of you, a new dent on the side of the strange, misshapen thing that is your life.”
Unfortunately, I’m a member of the worst club in the world. I picked up this book hoping it would help me feel seen — there really aren’t many books out there about grieving in your early 20s!
While I appreciated the author’s honesty and did connect with a few things she said, overall, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I hoped I would. :(
The humor felt slightly forced at times, and I personally didn’t find most of the jokes funny. Also, the way the author lost her mom was different from my own experience, which made it harder to relate to her story. 💔
I’m still glad I read it, it was a reminder that others out there share this experience !! Even if it took me 6 months to read.
Unfortunately, I’m a member of the worst club in the world. I picked up this book hoping it would help me feel seen — there really aren’t many books out there about grieving in your early 20s!
While I appreciated the author’s honesty and did connect with a few things she said, overall, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I hoped I would. :(
The humor felt slightly forced at times, and I personally didn’t find most of the jokes funny. Also, the way the author lost her mom was different from my own experience, which made it harder to relate to her story. 💔
I’m still glad I read it, it was a reminder that others out there share this experience !! Even if it took me 6 months to read.
February 12, 2021
Sometimes the humor was cringe. Sometimes the author rubbed me the wrong way. Our circumstances were very different, but I was surprised how much I related to this book and how much it made me cry. I’m glad it was written.
September 2, 2025
hate being part of this club (obvi) but Kate’s scenario was super similar to my own so it made me laugh, cry, miss my mom more, but helped remind me it’s ok that my grief is messy and my journey is all over the place. highly recommend for anyone else in the club
January 14, 2024
Really enjoyed this audiobook. Tells the real life dealings of grief in a very lighthearted way. My favorite message was it’s okay to be angry forever, really hit home!
May 17, 2018
I’ve read so many books on grief and each one has missed the mark. I have always said that 20-something’s who lose their moms are the forgotten ones. When you lose your mom as a child or teenager, it’s tragic for different reasons and the whole world gives you love, shows you empathy and concern, and sympathizes with you. Rightfully so. When you lose your mom when you’re older, it’s still a horrible, unthinkable loss, yet it’s more normal and there are many, many more women who are a part of that subset of the Dead Mom’s Club. And then there’s us — the 20-somethings. Just starting to be best friends with our mom, a grown-up but still need my mom to call throughout the years of trying to become an adult. These are the years that are usually filled with milestones — weddings, jobs, babies. It’s a horrendous time to lose your mom and yet everyone seems to brush over it. Not Kate Spencer. Finally. As much as I hate that another person went through the painful hell I went through, misery loves company and Kate did an incredible job giving us a very real glimpse into her story. With every page I read, I wanted to yell “YES! This is it! This is what it was like! SOMEONE GETS IT!” I will always recommend this book to anyone who joins the club (and truly, anyone who loves the person who joined the club). However, I’ll always recommend with a disclaimer. I didn’t like the chapter on talking to your kids about your mom. Kate and I have very different beliefs, which wasn’t evident until this chapter. It’s a lifesaver of a book that I highly recommend — but I will always talk to my little girl about her grandma and the beautiful place she now resides.
January 15, 2025
January 2025: Still my favorite grief book... it's just the best in every way!
**
March 2023: I've read quite a few grief memoirs at this point, and out of all of them, this one spoke to me the most. I copied large portions into my Notes app, and I'm grateful for the way this book made me feel seen and reflected back my own grief in a form I recognize.
**
March 2023: I've read quite a few grief memoirs at this point, and out of all of them, this one spoke to me the most. I copied large portions into my Notes app, and I'm grateful for the way this book made me feel seen and reflected back my own grief in a form I recognize.
April 5, 2021
Liked some chapters. Disliked others. Essentially just anecdotes and memories of her mom pre/post death. Charming parts. Annoying parts. I feel like she tries to make this book a comedy show but I think the chapters that were more sentimental read better.
May 15, 2019
Another gut-punching book, this one took a while for me to get through because it reduced me to tears frequently as I listened. The author went through a similar experience with her mom’s diagnosis & death as I did, resulting in a lot of flashbacks. Yet, as hard as it could be at times, I am glad I pushed through. I’ve always found it helpful to hear other people’s experiences as it generally makes me feel less alone and provides a few important reminders. One, if they can get through it, you can get through it. Two, it’s natural. Three, it won’t always feel this way but it will always be part of you and that’s okay.
There is one chapter in which the author talks about visiting a medium and their beliefs/feelings which, as someone who is skeptical of mediums, I was inwardly groaning about it at first. However, I think the author handled the subject well in the end. While they initially found it helpful, I am glad the author also pointed out that this is not a good thing to spend your money on and there is a good reason to be skeptical.
Essentially I found the author did a great job of both expressing her individual reactions/beliefs but also keeping the universal feelings/process that all go through in losing a parent. I would highly recommend, especially to those who feel alone as they go through this kind of loss or feel like they cannot talk about the horrible details that they experienced going through this sort of loss.
There is one chapter in which the author talks about visiting a medium and their beliefs/feelings which, as someone who is skeptical of mediums, I was inwardly groaning about it at first. However, I think the author handled the subject well in the end. While they initially found it helpful, I am glad the author also pointed out that this is not a good thing to spend your money on and there is a good reason to be skeptical.
Essentially I found the author did a great job of both expressing her individual reactions/beliefs but also keeping the universal feelings/process that all go through in losing a parent. I would highly recommend, especially to those who feel alone as they go through this kind of loss or feel like they cannot talk about the horrible details that they experienced going through this sort of loss.
April 28, 2022
I LOVE this book. I should preface this by noting that my (grand)mother died of cancer when I was 31, so my experience is VERY similar to that of the author. From the relationship I had with her, to watching her steady decline, my experience nearly mirrors the author’s, so every part of this book is relatable for me. I got so much out of this!
The tone of this book is a little sarcastic and self-deprecating. I did laugh out loud at some points, which I wasn’t really expecting in a book about grief. It’s such a breath of fresh air compared to other books I’ve been reading on the subject. It captures the personality of both the author and her mother so beautifully.
I took so many notes while reading this and am so thankful that Spencer decided to write this book. Her journey through grief is detailed her with such raw honesty. It’s an inspiring thing to see through her words. I actually feel BETTER after reading this book and have a newfound understanding of my relationship to grief. I hiiiiiiiiiiighly recommend this book for any young-ish woman who lost her mom (or mom figure) to an illness. So good.
The tone of this book is a little sarcastic and self-deprecating. I did laugh out loud at some points, which I wasn’t really expecting in a book about grief. It’s such a breath of fresh air compared to other books I’ve been reading on the subject. It captures the personality of both the author and her mother so beautifully.
I took so many notes while reading this and am so thankful that Spencer decided to write this book. Her journey through grief is detailed her with such raw honesty. It’s an inspiring thing to see through her words. I actually feel BETTER after reading this book and have a newfound understanding of my relationship to grief. I hiiiiiiiiiiighly recommend this book for any young-ish woman who lost her mom (or mom figure) to an illness. So good.
March 9, 2022
I've been listening to the podcast that Spencer does with her friend Doree Shafrir, Forever 35, for a couple of years now and just got around to picking up her memoir about losing her mom to cancer. It was really good! I think the fact that I understand Kate's personality (as much as you can from listening to someone's podcast personality) and tone of voice, the types of jokes she makes and when she's being genuine with her emotions, I really enjoyed the experience of listening to this book. It's a tremendously sad and difficult book to get through, especially if you are part of the Dead Moms Club (I am so thankful that I am not), but it's very good. I have to believe that it would be helpful to others who have experienced a similar type of loss. I appreciated that Spencer narrated the audio herself and I loved listening to the book in her own voice.
March 14, 2019
I belong to The Dead Mom’s Club. Nine years ago, my mom died suddenly from a brain aneurysm. Kate Spencer lost her mother to pancreatic cancer and thus we are, by default, BFFs, kindred spirits, sisters from another life. She reaches out a deft, humorous, and poignant hand to all of us who are roaming this earth motherless. It’s nice to hear someone write what you have felt. She’s honest and hilarious and almost convinced me of the reincarnated appearances of her mom in the form of a bug and a chipmunk.
The only thing lacking was any religious perspective on death. Kate is not a believer. For me, my spiritual beliefs harnessed and harmonized my grief. I cannot imagine going through the experience without them.
The only thing lacking was any religious perspective on death. Kate is not a believer. For me, my spiritual beliefs harnessed and harmonized my grief. I cannot imagine going through the experience without them.
September 24, 2018
I adored this book. I found Kate's voice so engaging; the perfect combination of wry/funny and sad/honest. Though I lost my father, not my mother, I related to so much of Kate's experience. Even if you haven't lost someone, this book is still a great read thanks to Kate's humor and honesty. It will also help you be a better friend to people who have lost someone, since so many of us just don't know what to do for our friends/family after someone dies. (Hint: JUST DO SOMETHING!) 4.5 stars because of how much I relate to the subject; 4 stars, being more objective. Excited to see what Kate writes next! And do yourself a favor and check out her podcast, Forever 35.
August 27, 2025
I have nothing but amazing things to say about this book. Spencer makes me feel seen and understood. Her anecdotes and reflections remind me that my grief, as fragile as it makes me feel, is not something to be afraid of. It’s an essential part of me and my life. My mom held so much of my heart, and losing her has been the most devastating thing to ever happen to me. To have Spencer articulate my feelings when I couldn’t was so therapeutic. I’m grateful that her work was recommended to me, and if you also have the misfortune of belonging to the Dead Moms Club, I see you, I’m with you. Please read this book.
March 6, 2018
I chose this book from the library to help supplement my research into others’ books of grief, as I am writing my own grief memoir about recurrent pregnancy loss. I adored the author’s total transparency, wit, and unabashed accounting of her ongoing grief experience. This made her journey so real for the reader. I felt she tried a bit too hard at times to be witty, but hey, at least the effort was there amidst such a dark time. I am glad I read this and consider it helpful for my personal grief research.
August 2, 2018
Not to freak you out or anything, but I am fascinated with death. Especially the fact that we don't talk about Death much, considering the fact that it is everybody's future.
My dad died when I was one, and he was 26, and I never stop wishing that he would have left me a letter, something written just to me, so that I could have some connection to him in my life. Consequently, I wonder a lot about how to do death . . . .well, better.
I love Kate Spencer's candor in her essays, as well as her humor. She given me a lot to ponder.
My dad died when I was one, and he was 26, and I never stop wishing that he would have left me a letter, something written just to me, so that I could have some connection to him in my life. Consequently, I wonder a lot about how to do death . . . .well, better.
I love Kate Spencer's candor in her essays, as well as her humor. She given me a lot to ponder.
December 27, 2022
When I read this book, I just wanted to feel like someone else understood what I was going through — while our lived experiences and relationships to our mothers differed — my mother too was sick for shortly under a year and then died after being in hospice. It was a life altering, excruciating process that I felt Kate captured the same way I would explain it. I also loved that she talked about her moms favorite perfume and my husband bought me my moms for Christmas following me reading this book.
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