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Don't Hit Me!
Australian actress and author Vanessa de Largie is a survivor of domestic violence. Don't Hit Me! is the true diarised account of her time living with an abusive man. The story is conveyed through poems, journal entries and fragments of lyrical prose. The book is a snapshot of domestic violence in real time. Raw, poignant and brave - it's a tale that will stay with you.
- GenresPoetry
80 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 15, 2014
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30 people want to read
About the author
Vanessa de Largie
11 books48 followersVanessa de Largie is first and foremost a writer. However, she is also a prolific freelance journalist, sex columnist and an award-winning actress and author.
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
April 1, 2015
Powerful. Raw. Moving.
As the author states in her note to the reader, this is not a conventional book. The entries are brief and do not hold to the common idea of narrative. But make no mistake; if you have been even on the periphery of mental, physical, emotional abuse, the story is quite clear and evident.
De Largie's words capture the internal state of the situation in vivid and painful detail, from the outward torment of abuse, to the internal secondary damage of self doubt, confusion, helplessness, and hopelessness. One of the things that resonated with me so much is her ability to communicate the sense of something-not-right, the recognition of abuse for what it is, coupled with the befuddlement and mental confusion that make taking steps at escape so difficult.
This is not a self-help book. It is a self-realization book. Don't Hit Me doesn't offer answers so much as it offers validation. It offers the unvarnished internal reality of abuse. It is this that makes it such an important book.
If you are expecting high poetry or polished words, you won't find it here. That is not to say that the work isn't well crafted. De Largie obviously has innate talent and skill, or this book would probably be a good deal more difficult to read. No, what I mean is that the words are raw. They aren't “prettied up” or edited into “proper” form. They, like de Largie's experience, simply are. That is one of the things that lends power and believability to this work.
Read it for validation. Read it for a reality check. Read it to understand.
It is difficult to rate a work like this. It is what it is. It really cannot be compared to anything else I have read. I give it four stars mostly because I want something. Possibly resolution. Possibly a companion volume of the journey out. Possibly because I hurt from my own experience and that of those I've known. But really, this work stands alone as what it is. And as such, it is perfect.
As the author states in her note to the reader, this is not a conventional book. The entries are brief and do not hold to the common idea of narrative. But make no mistake; if you have been even on the periphery of mental, physical, emotional abuse, the story is quite clear and evident.
De Largie's words capture the internal state of the situation in vivid and painful detail, from the outward torment of abuse, to the internal secondary damage of self doubt, confusion, helplessness, and hopelessness. One of the things that resonated with me so much is her ability to communicate the sense of something-not-right, the recognition of abuse for what it is, coupled with the befuddlement and mental confusion that make taking steps at escape so difficult.
This is not a self-help book. It is a self-realization book. Don't Hit Me doesn't offer answers so much as it offers validation. It offers the unvarnished internal reality of abuse. It is this that makes it such an important book.
If you are expecting high poetry or polished words, you won't find it here. That is not to say that the work isn't well crafted. De Largie obviously has innate talent and skill, or this book would probably be a good deal more difficult to read. No, what I mean is that the words are raw. They aren't “prettied up” or edited into “proper” form. They, like de Largie's experience, simply are. That is one of the things that lends power and believability to this work.
Read it for validation. Read it for a reality check. Read it to understand.
It is difficult to rate a work like this. It is what it is. It really cannot be compared to anything else I have read. I give it four stars mostly because I want something. Possibly resolution. Possibly a companion volume of the journey out. Possibly because I hurt from my own experience and that of those I've known. But really, this work stands alone as what it is. And as such, it is perfect.
February 23, 2017
Don't Hit Me! by Vanessa de Largie is a very poignant book to read and gives an incredible insight into how a victim of domestic violence is impacted by these horrific acts of brutality. Vanessa bares her soul in this thought provoking book, and it's one that brings awareness to what someone will be subjected to. Highly recommend!
July 3, 2014
Don't Hit Me!: A Fragmented Journey Through Domestic Violence presents its disclaimer right in its first sentence: "If you're looking to read a conventionally written book about domestic violence then this book is NOT for you. This book is untraditional and unconventional: it's a true diarised account of my time living with an abusive man from 2001 to 2003. It does not unfold as a normal story would instead it unfolds as a real story did."
And so the tale begins, made all the more touching and realistic because (it should be noted) this is not a grammatically polished, cleaned-up or sterile presentation but a vivid collection of the author's journals kept as one of her survival mechanisms during this period of brutality. As such, they represent source materials documenting the daily sadness and trails that make up domestic violence scenarios.
Because domestic violence is erratic and journal entries varied, it's not necessary to follow Don't Hit Me! like a typical book: just open it anywhere and read. That's one of the attractions of a format that will especially appeal to readers who eschew the usual storybook 'beginning-middle-end' organization, and who want a breezier way of absorbing the story. And what better design for this than the journal, which excels in vignettes and scenes independent of one another, yet connected in theme and experience?
Another notable difference: each vignette is labeled with a heading of just a single or a few words that depict feeling and experience - so readers flipping through Don't Hit Me! will readily be able to choose between such accounts as 'Controlled', 'Repetition', 'Dream', 'Denial', or 'Lost'.
Expect an emotionally-charged set of digestible, vivid reflections and scenes that ultimately capture the thoughts, hopes, dreams, and devastation of a woman who daily faces domestic battery under her own roof.
No other book on the subject captures the bare-bones process of survival as does Don't Hit Me!: hopefully readers in similar circumstances will not only recognize the pain, fear and anger, but will come to understand the process that ultimately led Vanessa de Largie to become a survivor instead of a statistic.
Highly recommended for any who would delve into the often-hidden thoughts and world of the chronically abused.
--Diane Donovan, Senior e-reviewer, Midwest Book Review
And so the tale begins, made all the more touching and realistic because (it should be noted) this is not a grammatically polished, cleaned-up or sterile presentation but a vivid collection of the author's journals kept as one of her survival mechanisms during this period of brutality. As such, they represent source materials documenting the daily sadness and trails that make up domestic violence scenarios.
Because domestic violence is erratic and journal entries varied, it's not necessary to follow Don't Hit Me! like a typical book: just open it anywhere and read. That's one of the attractions of a format that will especially appeal to readers who eschew the usual storybook 'beginning-middle-end' organization, and who want a breezier way of absorbing the story. And what better design for this than the journal, which excels in vignettes and scenes independent of one another, yet connected in theme and experience?
Another notable difference: each vignette is labeled with a heading of just a single or a few words that depict feeling and experience - so readers flipping through Don't Hit Me! will readily be able to choose between such accounts as 'Controlled', 'Repetition', 'Dream', 'Denial', or 'Lost'.
Expect an emotionally-charged set of digestible, vivid reflections and scenes that ultimately capture the thoughts, hopes, dreams, and devastation of a woman who daily faces domestic battery under her own roof.
No other book on the subject captures the bare-bones process of survival as does Don't Hit Me!: hopefully readers in similar circumstances will not only recognize the pain, fear and anger, but will come to understand the process that ultimately led Vanessa de Largie to become a survivor instead of a statistic.
Highly recommended for any who would delve into the often-hidden thoughts and world of the chronically abused.
--Diane Donovan, Senior e-reviewer, Midwest Book Review
June 24, 2015
Note: I was provided with a copy of this book from the author for review.
For a very short book with very little writing, this book says a lot. Vanessa de Largie's story is unfortunately one that's not unique, but the way she has told it is.
The poems, journal entries, and collection of thoughts are raw, honest, poetic, and real. De Largie tells readers at the start this is not a story that unfolds as a normal story would, but unfolds as a story that did. Moments of her life are displayed on the page, there for everyone to see, and it highlights the life of a victim, without the long narration, reflection, and the chronology and increasing severity some other books have.
What is wonderful about this though is that this short 88 page book filled with fragments of de Largie's life portrays a much bigger picture that any complete story would have. The life of an abuse victim is there in short verse and paragraphs of a moment, and the pain within and the struggle to live each day, hoping for a moment of freedom, even for a short while screams off the page.
Even in these short fragments you get caught up in de Largie's world, you're there with her, beside her, seeing her pain, it's incredible. You sense her mood, her retreat within herself, her strength and determination to stay alive, and the darkness that offered her a way out.
Telling a story of this nature like this is unconventional but it is no less powerful. This is a snippet and snapshot of moments in de Largie's life with an abuser and a wonderful expression of the empowerment of being free. I think bringing the issue of domestic abuse to light in such a brilliant way is commendable and one I hope highlights not just the life of the abused, but offers inspiration for those who think they don't have the strength.
This review was posted on my blog https://lostinagoodbk.wordpress.com/2...
For a very short book with very little writing, this book says a lot. Vanessa de Largie's story is unfortunately one that's not unique, but the way she has told it is.
The poems, journal entries, and collection of thoughts are raw, honest, poetic, and real. De Largie tells readers at the start this is not a story that unfolds as a normal story would, but unfolds as a story that did. Moments of her life are displayed on the page, there for everyone to see, and it highlights the life of a victim, without the long narration, reflection, and the chronology and increasing severity some other books have.
What is wonderful about this though is that this short 88 page book filled with fragments of de Largie's life portrays a much bigger picture that any complete story would have. The life of an abuse victim is there in short verse and paragraphs of a moment, and the pain within and the struggle to live each day, hoping for a moment of freedom, even for a short while screams off the page.
Even in these short fragments you get caught up in de Largie's world, you're there with her, beside her, seeing her pain, it's incredible. You sense her mood, her retreat within herself, her strength and determination to stay alive, and the darkness that offered her a way out.
Telling a story of this nature like this is unconventional but it is no less powerful. This is a snippet and snapshot of moments in de Largie's life with an abuser and a wonderful expression of the empowerment of being free. I think bringing the issue of domestic abuse to light in such a brilliant way is commendable and one I hope highlights not just the life of the abused, but offers inspiration for those who think they don't have the strength.
This review was posted on my blog https://lostinagoodbk.wordpress.com/2...
July 5, 2014
How the courage to express with honesty and elegance redeems cruel reality:
One of the most important criteria of good writing, maybe the most important, is that it is real and conveys the truth in a compelling way. This is true of poetry and non-fiction, and both of these literary genres are at work in Vanessa de Largie’s “Don’t Hit Me!”
What is unique about this riveting non-fiction description of domestic abuse is that it is written in poetic form to describe the direct experience of Vanessa de Largie. In fact, this book came undisguised from the author’s diary! There is no other example in the literature of domestic violence that expresses so immediately and compellingly the direct experience of the psyche of the abuse victim in the moments she is under attack. There is no attempt to put a chronology or neat, tidy narrative to the author’s appalling experience at the hands of her abusive partner from 2001 to 2003. That is what makes the language so real and vital.
Yet it is ultimately a story of redemption because Vanessa de Largie not only survived this cruel abuse, she was made stronger by it. She has continued to develop and thrive since the abuse as an award-winning actress and best-selling author.
So if you want to come as close as possible to what it feels like to be abused, you should buy “Don’t Hit Me!” Reading the book is a way of coming to a direct understanding of the experience of being bullied and abused by someone. You will be made stronger by reading it. I highly recommend this book for its honesty, its unique approach to the painful subject of domestic violence, and its poetic power.
Raymond Keen – Retired school psychologist and author of “Love Poems for Cannibals”
One of the most important criteria of good writing, maybe the most important, is that it is real and conveys the truth in a compelling way. This is true of poetry and non-fiction, and both of these literary genres are at work in Vanessa de Largie’s “Don’t Hit Me!”
What is unique about this riveting non-fiction description of domestic abuse is that it is written in poetic form to describe the direct experience of Vanessa de Largie. In fact, this book came undisguised from the author’s diary! There is no other example in the literature of domestic violence that expresses so immediately and compellingly the direct experience of the psyche of the abuse victim in the moments she is under attack. There is no attempt to put a chronology or neat, tidy narrative to the author’s appalling experience at the hands of her abusive partner from 2001 to 2003. That is what makes the language so real and vital.
Yet it is ultimately a story of redemption because Vanessa de Largie not only survived this cruel abuse, she was made stronger by it. She has continued to develop and thrive since the abuse as an award-winning actress and best-selling author.
So if you want to come as close as possible to what it feels like to be abused, you should buy “Don’t Hit Me!” Reading the book is a way of coming to a direct understanding of the experience of being bullied and abused by someone. You will be made stronger by reading it. I highly recommend this book for its honesty, its unique approach to the painful subject of domestic violence, and its poetic power.
Raymond Keen – Retired school psychologist and author of “Love Poems for Cannibals”
January 28, 2015
Reading Vanessa de Largie's Don't Hit Me! made me feel like stepping into the situation and physically restraining her partner. It also made me feel ashamed to be a man, to know that there are men out there who apparently feel okay about causing such psychological and physical harm to a woman.
I know women are no innocents, that they can use their feminine wiles to devastating effect and leave a man a physical and emotional wreck. But there was no excuse for the kind of treatment Vanessa suffered at the hands of her then-partner.
I salute her bravery in writing about it. Not many women would want to own up to such horror in their private lives. But they should, because it might just help make some men more aware of the impact and effect they're having.
is a powerful, well-written and surprising book which needs to be read by more couples... especially couples who find their relationship on the edge of the precipice.
I know women are no innocents, that they can use their feminine wiles to devastating effect and leave a man a physical and emotional wreck. But there was no excuse for the kind of treatment Vanessa suffered at the hands of her then-partner.
I salute her bravery in writing about it. Not many women would want to own up to such horror in their private lives. But they should, because it might just help make some men more aware of the impact and effect they're having.
is a powerful, well-written and surprising book which needs to be read by more couples... especially couples who find their relationship on the edge of the precipice.
May 22, 2015
Don’t Hit Me is an acutely intelligent book written under heart breaking circumstances by a wise and creative woman. De Largie’s stream of consciousness invites her audience into a horrifying time in her life with the use of intricately strung together language and profound insight.
By sharing her intimate thoughts De Largie hopes that she can help women escape the clutches of emotionally and physically abusive men. I would like to thank her for showing me some of the warning signs these types of men embody, and for proving that poetry and reflective autobiographical prose can have more impact than an A to Z story.
By sharing her intimate thoughts De Largie hopes that she can help women escape the clutches of emotionally and physically abusive men. I would like to thank her for showing me some of the warning signs these types of men embody, and for proving that poetry and reflective autobiographical prose can have more impact than an A to Z story.
September 14, 2014
Raw and Poignant
Don’t Hit Me! by Vanessa de Largie is a bold, raw, in your face compilation of dairy entries based on two years of surviving mental and physical abuse from her significant other. Whether we know someone or of someone who is in this situation, perhaps you are in this situation, in any case, ALL women should read this book. Men should read this book to obtain an inside view at how their actions make women feel. Kudos to Vanessa for finding the courage to leave that relationship and for sharing her story with the world.
Don’t Hit Me! by Vanessa de Largie is a bold, raw, in your face compilation of dairy entries based on two years of surviving mental and physical abuse from her significant other. Whether we know someone or of someone who is in this situation, perhaps you are in this situation, in any case, ALL women should read this book. Men should read this book to obtain an inside view at how their actions make women feel. Kudos to Vanessa for finding the courage to leave that relationship and for sharing her story with the world.
July 11, 2014
When an author draws on their personal experiences it tells in the depth of the writing. With domestic violence there is all too often more damage beneath the bruises that isn't seen. I'm lucky enough never to have been affected myself but I still found myself positively inspired by this beautifully written tale of triumph over personal adversity. It certainly makes you think.
December 27, 2017
Relate
I can relate to this book everything you said I'm going through or did I wanted to cry while I read this book but like you said i couldn't for this I know I can over come this for my kids I need to now when enough is enough don't want it to be to late thanks for the book many domestic abuse survivors can relate I sure did on so many level
I can relate to this book everything you said I'm going through or did I wanted to cry while I read this book but like you said i couldn't for this I know I can over come this for my kids I need to now when enough is enough don't want it to be to late thanks for the book many domestic abuse survivors can relate I sure did on so many level
July 7, 2025
This book was written beautifully and artistically. It wasn't how I was expecting. I am glad she managed to find her voice to speak about something she experienced and do it in such a delicate way where people can also relate to her words and writing.
July 26, 2017
Some of it was confusing to me but its a fast read
Very short read but worth it. Heart felt passages of survival and the abuse. Seems like a very strong woman.
Very short read but worth it. Heart felt passages of survival and the abuse. Seems like a very strong woman.
December 23, 2017
Amazing
Loved this it was so powerful an so happy there is a book out there like this so people don't feel alone
Loved this it was so powerful an so happy there is a book out there like this so people don't feel alone
November 3, 2014
Don’t Hit Me!: a fragmented journey through domestic violence by Vanessa de Largie
4 Stars
Don’t Hit Me! is clearly an emotional journey into the heart of a woman suffering at the hands of a violent and controlling partner. I have read books on this subject before and the one thing they all have in common is the helplessness and the worthlessness the women feel in these relationships, yet for some reason they are totally unable to remove themselves from the situation.
I am not one to judge them, but as someone who has not been in an abusive relationship I do find it difficult to understand why women stay. Yes, once it becomes so bad that the abuser is emotionally degrading the victim to the point they believe there is no way out I can get, but how does one let the situation get to that point? Hit me once shame on you, hit me twice shame on me, why do so many women allow the situation to go further than that second time? Are they already under their spell by then, or are they just hopeful that this is a one off?
I rated this book 4 stars rather than 5 because I was looking for the book to give some hope to its readers that there is a way to get out of this situation. Vanessa does say at the end that she is no longer this woman, so obviously she got out, but how? What was it that saved her from this hell? Women reading this book who are victims right now would really like to know how it could end for them too, how they can become strong and start to live a normal life again just as this author has. Personally I feel a little short changed that she didn’t give that information in the book too.
Copy supplied for review
4 Stars
Don’t Hit Me! is clearly an emotional journey into the heart of a woman suffering at the hands of a violent and controlling partner. I have read books on this subject before and the one thing they all have in common is the helplessness and the worthlessness the women feel in these relationships, yet for some reason they are totally unable to remove themselves from the situation.
I am not one to judge them, but as someone who has not been in an abusive relationship I do find it difficult to understand why women stay. Yes, once it becomes so bad that the abuser is emotionally degrading the victim to the point they believe there is no way out I can get, but how does one let the situation get to that point? Hit me once shame on you, hit me twice shame on me, why do so many women allow the situation to go further than that second time? Are they already under their spell by then, or are they just hopeful that this is a one off?
I rated this book 4 stars rather than 5 because I was looking for the book to give some hope to its readers that there is a way to get out of this situation. Vanessa does say at the end that she is no longer this woman, so obviously she got out, but how? What was it that saved her from this hell? Women reading this book who are victims right now would really like to know how it could end for them too, how they can become strong and start to live a normal life again just as this author has. Personally I feel a little short changed that she didn’t give that information in the book too.
Copy supplied for review
September 16, 2015
To put in simple words, Don’t Hit Me by Vanessa de Largie makes you ask so many questions to yourself about domestic violence. Why did that woman get into such relationship? Why isn’t she getting out of such relationship? What is stopping her to leave that abusive man? Questions like that will flood your mind while you are reading this book. You will also wonder if this is limited to abusive marriages or applies to any abusive relationship. I am proud of Vanessa and also thankful to her for bringing out this book which might encourage other helpless woman to get out of their abusive relationships.
This book is not in any conventional form of narration. Do not expect detailed description of what happened and what Vanessa went through. This book has her journal entries which are in the form of poems, quotes and paragraphs; one in each page. These are enough to give an idea of how Vanessa’s life was.
I recommend every woman to read Don’t Hit Me by Vanessa de Largie.
This book is not in any conventional form of narration. Do not expect detailed description of what happened and what Vanessa went through. This book has her journal entries which are in the form of poems, quotes and paragraphs; one in each page. These are enough to give an idea of how Vanessa’s life was.
I recommend every woman to read Don’t Hit Me by Vanessa de Largie.
December 19, 2016
Vanessa de Largie’s book will leave you torn. It’s a diarised account of the domestic violence she suffered from 2001–03. On the one hand you wish this book didn’t exist (and that de Largie didn’t have to live through such pain, horror and terror) but on the other hand it’s good to know that others will have somewhere to turn to if they or someone they know is caught as a victim.
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July 12, 2015
This is a very important book every woman should read. Dealing with domestic violence is not an easy subject for victims to discuss but necessary to heal and an important issue to call attention to. The book is a well written, raw and emotionally charged account that one cannot walk away from unaffected. I highly recommend this one.https://www.goodreads.com/review/edit...#
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