Games Mother Never Taught You: Corporate Gamesmanship for Women

by Betty Lehan Harrigan

An excellent resource for anyone man or woman entering the workforce. It is not a one-time read. Much of the information becomes increasingly applicable as one progresses in the workplace.

Genres: Business, Nonfiction, Self Help, Feminism, Gender

399 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1977

Reviews

[Unwisely · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of my career mentors mentioned this book, and I looked and sure enough the library had it, so I checked it out.

It came out in 1978. Reading it in 2015 means it was a mix of bizarre historical artifacts (push button phones as a sign of prestige! go look at the office bulletin board!), anthropology of business culture, and several chapters that were both enlightening to me (who has been working for over a decade) and things that I would recommend to women about to start college - specifically the chapters about sports and college (3 and 8, I think). The memo chapter could transfer nicely to email.

I don't know anything about business qua business, and I certainly hope some of the overtly awful things she describes have calmed down some, but as a technical professional I can vouch for some of the other BS sexism that occurs constantly.

It's interesting that goodreads thinks this book is feminist - I didn't find it particularly so until a bit at the end (and the part where she's describing all the cases of clear-cut sexual harassment where the courts said, nah, she's overreacting should be sufficient to rouse anger in even the most complacent human).

[Seaby Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in 1983. It could not have come at a better time for me. I can tell that many of the nasty things that could befall a woman in the work environment that the author describes had befallen me. But from the moment I read the book, that all changed.

For example, the "corner office" and not waiting for permission. I moved my self and my things to an empty office that was next to the boss'es. He raised his eyebrows, but said nothing. From that moment on, people assumed I was higher ranking than I was officially... and soon after that, I started getting promoted.

I've ran with it ever since. In 2000, I raised several million dollars of VC money to start my own company. I sold that company in 2008 and started another. I'm a Silicon Valley CEO today. I don't think I would be if I hadn't read this book.

[Karen Chung · Rating 4 out of 5]

From the 70s and dated as regards some details, but spot on when it comes to spelling out male-female differences and inequalities, and how women can manage these to their advantage, particularly when climbing the corporate ladder.

In short, men, starting from a very young age, are trained in how to *compete*, while women are mainly taught how to *cooperate*. This book attempts to teach women how to *compete* on male turf and terms, and how to avoid entrapment due to certain universal, unalterable differences between men and women. Insightful and useful even if you're not vying for CEO in a megacompany...in fact, this book was recommended to me by a male friend who designs computer games!

[Margot Note · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would include quotes in my review, but that would mean I would have to retype the book, because everything is brilliant. This book changed my life. I wish I had read it years ago.

Some reviewers have mentioned that it's outdated, as it was written in '77. Beyond references to typewriters, it's not as out of touch as we'd like to believe.

If anyone has suggestions for similar books, please let me know.

[Anastasia Sillaway]

Page 290: NO individual man can change the rules bc the mores of his tribe are all-conrolling. No individual woman can change the rules bc she is powerless against the entrenched establishment of male-crested business society. Besides, the minute she starts playing the genital -contact game she is a captured object as far as other participants and nonparticipants are concerned. "Fucking checkers"- a term actually in use by male players or would be players in this working game- is a public game spread out on a playing board for all to see. Every woman who gets into this game ( accidentally or on purpose) becomes tagged (unbeknownst to her perhaps) with a popular designation:" Sleep with one, fair game to all."

There's one way for a male-female combo to remove themselves as 2 individuals from an unvarying formula of the intercourse game; that is marriage to each other. This pits them as a couple into an unrelated and entirely different intracorporate game where the local firm's rules are generally definite and quite often written. That game is called nepotism and is not germane to sex checkers.
Please see page 85. make sure you know the "jargon of the business game". Enititled: Locker room language: 80% SEX, 20% EXCRETA.
Here is a small sampling of some of the definitions you will learn in this book.
Ass: A free swinging word usually preceeded with definitive adjective such as " fat". To throw a person " out on their ass" means to fire them or ruthlessly banish them from the immediate vicinity. "Cover your ass" stems from military usage under low-fire conditions when the productive mechanism is to throw oneself face-down on the ground; means to protect your exposed side, such as write a memo or oterwise " cover' yourself for a business decision or happening that can be used against you. Also describes a woman,as in "She's just another piece of ass." Also, the implied but unexprssed completion word for the obscenity, "Up yours!"
Bastard or son of A bitch: A hated or despicable person; one who plays unfairly or illegally. Many businessmen are "bastards" in the way that they treat working women. The closest equivalent woman can use is "MCP, " or " male chauvinist pig."
Bitch: An aggressive, ambitious woman who speaks her mind; one who won't take any " shit" from anyone. In form 'bitchy" is applied to woman who sTns up for her rights. nowadays supplemented by explicit terms " Libber," or "Womans Libber."
Broad: Any woman. Often used with perfix "dumb" or "damn." Physically attractive young woman called "chick," "damn," "kitty," "beaver," etc...
Caught with yoru pants down or your fly open and a defintion:
Cocksman: Definition
Crap: See Shit, and so on.........
Fuc you know: A long definition.
Girl: I want to make sure that I write his one out as I hate when people call me a "girl" as I have not been a "girl" since I was 13. I turned from "girl" to young lady then. It so surprises me how so many men call woman my age(30's) a girl. Hello?
So, here is what this author says about the definition of "girl": Popular demeaning term for mature working women. Used widely throughout business as in " i'll have my girl call your girl to arrange it," or the girls in accounting will take care of it." Or who's the new girl? referring to a lawyer an M.B.A., an engineer, a vice president, etc if of the female sex.
Masterbation exersise or Playing with yourself: An exersise in frustration, fooling yourself;manipulating stat's or profit-and-loss figures. Attempted coverup of unpleasant reality.
Piss: another neat definition
Screw: yet, another lovely defention by this author
Shit: Watste material. Hot air, lying. As in 'he's full of shit". Or "That's bullshit, to "cut the horseshit" this means to stop making passes at the wrong women lying about something, or fooling around with ittiating manner.
That was the end of chapter 4. There are 10 more chapters to go. This book was written in 1981 and wow, its an intertesing read. I purchased a box of books at a church garage sale. Each book was 50cents and I got my mneys worth. But, really this one is quite interesting. If men still think the way this book portrays them, then, I will be having some great conversations this week with my male friends.

[Chantel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tells you the rules of business very clearly and if you weren't either a football player in high school or in the military you don't know them. Sports metaphors and military mentality are the examples used to motivate people in the workforce. It's written for women, but men that weren't jocks or military need to read this too. For that matter, if you are a man who was military or sports crazy, you should read it so that you will better know how to interact with your team. Great for anyone working on an MBA for that matter!

"I used to wonder why I got in trouble at work -- now I know and don't do it anymore. I'm getting well paid for my work, get along with my co-workers and management, and my career is on track. I recommend this book to everyone I know, the few who actually read it get the same results I got." [From a guy I know.]

It's a little dated, but don't let that stop you. The corporate culture (at least in the United States) hasn't changed much this century and it's not likely to change anytime soon. Some of the details she presents may be different, the general principles are still completely current. If you want a "Mars/Venus" translator for the workplace, this is the one for you.

Also, she's a fun writer and it's a good read.

[Brian · Rating 1 out of 5]

The girl who had my desk before me left this book conspiculously underneath it. There was nothing to do for seven hours and thus I sucumbed to its alluring old book smell. I laughed, I cried, I learned valuable lessons about how to avoid sleeping with my boss. What else did I extract? Men are scum whose lives revolve around sex, sports, competition and alcohol.

Wait? Why does that make one scum? The central theme of this book is that men are secretly lazy and a vast conspiracy exists to prevent hard working females from competing against them. If this is/were the case, I am greatly disappointed because I was not invited to the conspiracy.

The high point of this book was the chapter on "male lingo" in the work place. Thanks to this book naive confused females can now understand the meaning of the phrase: "His ballpark figure was in out left field so he got relegated to the second string. We'll be bringing up a pinch hitter to quarterback us through the seventh inning stretch."

With self-help books like this flying around, it is understandable why people abandoned feminism.

[Lori Nolin]

how to kick ass at work ;)

[Charlotte · Rating 4 out of 5]

I should have read this years ago. Dated, but some chapters are still relevent.

[Simmer Minhas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kaneema had read this well articulated and incredibly astute and succinct understanding of the nuances by which industry is conducting itself. Very relevant and helpful work.

[Ai-wen Helen Liu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lots of useful advice and insights.

[Richard Willson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very dated, but very good for its time, and still somewhat useful especially for international students coming into American society.

[Irina Dumitrescu · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book is a little dated, but some of Harragan's observations are timeless. Harragan notes that women have been working in business for ages, but usually in clerical roles or jobs relying on a specific skill set (including professional jobs, like engineering or lab work). Instead, she provides a guide for women planning to make it as business executives, as management. While I suspect some things have changed in the forty or so years since this book was published -- most men in business no longer have a military background, and women in corner offices are easier to come by, if not altogether common -- the book is still excellent instruction in observing and "playing" workplace politics. It would be valuable for men and women in today's business world.

[CJ · Rating 3 out of 5]

My first impression was the book is a bit dated. Then I thought about it. It's not. The feminist anger is dated, but the attitudes and realities of women in the work place are not dated.
So far, I've read the analogies of the hierarchical corporate structure to the military and to sports teams. The analogies hold. I've had to learn some of these lessons the hard way. You want to know the unwritten rules of corporate life? They're written down here.

[Esther · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this many years ago, and i think some terms would be dated now. - A male reviewer here seems to have found book bashing men, but did not see that as focus of book. It explained the corporate world and just made me aware of *typical dynamics; which would have taken too long to learn...book was helpful and a quick read

[Unit of Raine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some parts are dated, but overall the strategy of perception and power in the business world is unchanged. Once she described various situations, I was able to recognize similar in my daily job. Very interesting.

[Wkat1961]

This book has an angry/victim tone to it. It's hard to read in that you have to get past the anger to get something useful from it.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some of the material is dated but an interesting read.

[Denise Mitnick · Rating 3 out of 5]

Insightful for women of all generations regarding corporate life and how women "fit in".

[Maggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

outdated but encouraging