Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies

by Candice Watters, Steve Watters

Starting a family is a soul-shaping, world-altering experience. Unfortunately, in a culture of competing values and protracted timelines, couples are increasingly backing their way into parenting or missing it altogether. By the time the average couple tries to have kids, they are often beyond their late twenties and surprised to learn they are sliding past the peak of their fertile years.

In Start Your Family , Steve and Candice Watters encourage couples to be intentional about their timeline in the early years of marriage and to trust God to help them boldly launch their families. Responding to the most common doubts and hurdles, they offer biblical inspiration for the questions: Why have kids? When is the best time to start?  How can we fit kids into our lives?

Genres: Parenting, Christian, Nonfiction, Christianity, Christian Living, Family

176 pages, Paperback

First published December 1, 2008

Reviews

[Watermarked Pages · Rating 4 out of 5]

I admit I started this book with rather negative expectations (maybe it was the horrible 1980's looking cover), but I was pleasantly surprised. I was afraid it would present a very conservative, legalistic viewpoint (something like "Wives, you should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen with a head covering or you're a sinner"), but it DIDN'T.

Our culture tells us two things about kids:
1) They're an inconvenience that will ruin your dreams, marriage, freedom, and furniture
or 2) You should only have children once you're "ready" (and what does that mean??) and have accomplished everything you want to in your career, marriage, and finances, or you're being unfair to your kids.

I wanted something that would actually present what GOD says about children. The Watters point out how we've been bombarded with messages that marriage is all about our individual happiness, and that the root of many of the anti-children messages we hear is just plain...selfishness. Next, they give examples of what the Bible says about children (do you know how much it talks about having children? Why do we never hear these verses?), both as commands and promises. The book (of course) communicates a strong message to have children, but the Watters aren't unrealistic about what it takes to raise a godly family, and they encourage practical wisdom, sacrifice, and, most of all, dependence on God. My main takeaways were:

1) God wants good things for us, and He commands us to have children (simple as that). Therefore, having children is a GOOD thing, and we don't have to listen to all the doom-and-gloom about kids

2) It's said, "Where God guides, God provides." God commands us to have and raise children for His glory, so He's going to provide what we need to do it. Don't give in to fear ("We won't be able to make ends meet!") or selfishness ("But I really, really want this set of furniture.")

3) While the Bible mentions not getting married in order to minister, it never says it's okay for a married couple to not have children in order to be in ministry. Children ARE ministry, and a beautiful, important one.

4) Fertility doesn't last forever. The feminist movement has been all about our right to "choose," but they don't tell us how easily we could miss the opportunity to choose TO have children. We need to be educated about our bodies' natural rhythm of fertility.

Some of the most profound parts of the book were quotes from Gary Thomas' book "Sacred Parenting: How Raising Children Shapes Our Souls". Thomas talks about how God uses children (and all the experiences that come with raising them) to mold us into Christ's image. I want to be like Jesus, so why would I pass up such a powerful tool that God obviously uses to sanctify us? It's like choosing to take a journey to Mordor--we know it will be difficult, but we'll be far different people at the end than if we stay apathetically in the Shire. The crucible is worth it. (Gary Thomas also wrote an amazing book called Sacred Marriage, where he talks about how God uses marriage to sanctify us. It's by far the best marriage book I've read.)

The Watters are brave to write something that is so counter-cultural (I can't imagine the backlash they must get) that manages to stay applicable to the struggles modern young couples are facing. If you know what our culture says about having children but want to read something that explores what the Bible says, you'll enjoy this book.

[Lindsay Hall · Rating 2 out of 5]

First, let me say that I greatly appreciate the message that Steve and Candice are asserting. It is indeed a blessing to have children, and many people wait too long for reasons that amount to skewed priorities. The Watters do a good job too of addressing couples who have legitimate reasons to wait or are unable to have children. I must also say that I was already on board with their message, so perhaps encountering their argument for the first time would have left a greater impression on me.
As it was, the book felt very redundant, filled with circular logic. I was hoping for some strong take aways that would be flushed out with Biblical backing and anecdotal illustrations. Instead, it felt like the Scripture and stories were strung together by a hopeful opinion rather than that they were bolstering a significant argument. I found myself bored in many parts, hoping that the next chapter would be more fruitful.
But I do appreciate their message and admire their commitment to getting it down on paper. I'm hopeful that this book will impress upon someone else more favorably than it did for me.

[Bethany · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this book would be SUPER helpful to someone who was NOT familiar with some of their arguments and illustrations that support having children sooner rather than later in your marriage. For me, a lot of it was not necessarily new, though it was helpful to revisit and to especially hear about their personal experiences and how the journey has been for them.

[Reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

A need book in an age where child-free adulthood is the norm. I love her directness without judgment and a compassionate heart towards all of us who have grown up hearing a different (more negative) message about children and parenthood.

[Lexi Zuo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wise thoughts her for couples tempted to delay having children for many years. Very Biblical explanation of the blessing of children.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book! I felt very inspired about the legacy of having children and passing on my faith to the next generation. :)

[Nelia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would recommend this book to any young couple considering whether or not to have children.

[Taylor Farrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

riddle me inspired. so much wisdom in this book! literally the entire thing is highlighted

[Ginger · Rating 2 out of 5]

The content of this book was ok, but it really should have been a magazine article, or perhaps a long essay at most. It easily veered off topic and was extremely anecdotal. I was hoping for a little more in depth research and not just what I already believe: that children are indeed a blessing.

Some of her "arguments" seemed a little sappy to me, like something you might only understand if you already had children. And several of her "funny" examples actually made me NOT want to have children (one particular breakfast in bed story involving an entire bag of coffee used stands out). A lot of it was great advice - have kids in your early 20's, live near your family (though the authors admit they do not), but what if I'm already 30, and don't live near my family? Not really "inspiration for having babies."

A couple of specific criticisms: the author's sourcing sorely, and I mean sorely, needs some work. She quoted websites like thinkexist.com extensively (why not just look up the original source quote?), quoted books that quoted books, and even once sourced Wikipedia (which I'm pretty sure even high school papers aren't allowed to do), and referenced the same two or three authors dozens of times (to the point I thought, why don't I just read the other book instead?).

I'm not particularly maternal, and my mom (or as she probably prefers to be called, future-grandma) gave this too me, as she knows the author. Overall, it was ok, and an easy read, but I just don't really see it convincing anyone who wasn't already convinced. She is right: children are a blessing, and a high calling, but I'm still not convinced that everyone is called to have them.

[Allison · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ultimately, I think this book has a very narrow audience: younger-than-30, married, Christian, normal fertility, want to have kids "someday".

I got off on a bad foot with the authors' early-stated assumption-stated-as-fact that "most readers" will be able to get pregnant, and yes, infertility is a thing but "for the rest of us" normal people, nbd. -_-

There was some Biblical analysis to inspire the desire to have children, but fleshing that out more would have been more compelling. And most compelling (but missing) would have been a section addressing heart issues. There were plenty of pages on practical concerns that are legitimate and should be addressed, but in a Christian book speaking to the gap in culture between the world's view and a Biblical view of family, I need to be pointed back to Christ and I need to be reminded to examine my heart and my motives. It's easy to say the world is bad. It's a lot harder (and more important) to look at the places in my life that don't reflect Christ.

If you don't want to have kids in the first place, I don't think this book will help. If you're worried about fertility, this book won't help. If you're not in a season where you can have kids, probably not helpful.

If you already feel convicted that you and your spouse are valuing your comfort/money/time/x at the expense of your future family, maybe this book will nudge you off the ledge to start trying.

[Zoey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Written by a 30-something couple with a Focus on the Family connection. Addressed to Christian college grads in their 20s. Summary: consider going against the college grad grain and having kids in your mid/late20s b/c you're healthier, more fertile, more energetic, and you won't become "ready" by waiting. Biblically, you'll be blessed by children, and you'll grow spiritually. It's a Godly thing to invest in family. Practical considerations included. Some scripture, [review cut off by Amazon.]

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Points out how Christian couples are waiting longer and longer to have kids, and that by the time they're "ready," it might be very hard to conceive anymore. Reminds us of how children are God's blessing. And we're not in control!

Humbling...makes me rethink my selfish desires to have more play money or do fun things before I consider having kids.

[Missy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was challenged to read this book after a good friend challenged me to listen to the authors on Family Life radio several months ago. Great perspective on the worldview, current "Christian" worldview and then the Biblical/Godly view of when to have children. Definitely something my heart is pondering.

[Marie Kitchings]

I love boundless.org and their message about intentionality about marriage. Now I love boundless people-(Candice and Steve Watters) because of their message about intentionality about having babies. I found this book wise, practical, and Biblical.

[Linda Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the part about grandparenting.

[Tracey]

An easy yet informative read on the reasons to start your family, and when. I enjoyed and learned from this book.

[Luann Habecker · Rating 3 out of 5]

a MUST read.



for those with children and especially for those considering having a family 'one day' - READ. IT.



i'm already re-reading it :)

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Invaluable resource! Great Biblical and practical perspective.

[Nicolette · Rating 1 out of 5]

The book focused far too much on how difficult it was to have children and did not have enough suggestions on how to practically overcome the challenges.

[Michael T Moos · Rating 4 out of 5]

All I can say is within twelve months of reading this book we’re expecting our first child.