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255 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1966
Madame the second was a great blonde Teutonic tomboy; delicate little Monsieur seemed to be his wife’s wife. When he first saw her he told his friends, despairingly, that he would never be able to manage. However, by dint of hanging holy medals in a certain place, rather impeding any pleasure Madame might have felt, he did manage and they had three children.
In his youth Monsieur was partial to battles. He would arrive rather late on the field, having got himself up to kill; painted, powdered, all his eyelashes stuck together; covered with ribbons and diamonds – hatless. He would never wear a hat for fear of flattening his wig. Once in action he was as brave as a lion, only afraid of what the sun and dust might do to his complexion; and he proved an excellent strategist.
Having detested her husband for years, she had just begun to be rather fond of him and was touched that his last thought should have been for her; but above all she was terrified that she would be obliged to leave the Court and go to a convent. As soon as the breath was out of Monsieur’s body she set up shrieks of “no convent.” Very loyally, the first thing she did was to look through his private papers, all scented with violet; she burnt hundreds of letters to him from boys; only when that business was dispatched did she get into her coach and go to Versailles. There she pocketed her pride and sent for Mme de Maintenon. How could she have had the face to do so? She knew quite well that for years the King, and presumably his wife, had been reading the letters in which she had called Mme de Maintenon every name under the sun; old horror, old ape, witch, whore, manure heap and so on, attributing her every action to the vilest motives. Mme de Maintenon came at once; Madame invited her to sit down for the first time in their lives. Then she humbly asked if she would intercede with the King for Madame to keep her flat at Versailles. Mme de Maintenon, who always looked at Madame with a special expression, raising the corners of her mouth and drooping her lower lip, made no reply, but drew a letter from the bosom of her dress and handed it to Madame who was appalled to see that it was in her own writing - she was even more appalled when she opened it. It was to some German relation and said that nobody really knew for certain whether the old brute was the King’s wife or concubine. Almost worse, the letter went on to describe the misery of poor people in France, always a sore subject with the King and one he would not care to have bruited about foreign courts. Madame fell into hysterics.

