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Return to India
In this intimate and remarkably candid memoir, Shoba Narayan, the author of Monsoon Diary, records her dilemma-ridden life as an immigrant straddling two cultures. What follows is a poignant story about love, family, identity and her search for a place to call home. From the thrill of being a naive newcomer in America, to becoming a proud US citizen, to grappling with immigrant parenting challenges, she offers an intense yet humorous insight into the shared dream of the Indian diaspora to return to their homeland. And as the countdown begins to her family’s relocation to India, she shows how the journey back can be more complicated than anyone imagines. Vivid and eloquent, Return to India is a powerful reflection on a country lost, and then found, by a writer of exceptional talent.
- GenresIndiaMemoirNonfiction
548 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 31, 2011
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
November 29, 2017
I like some of the columns of this author,and have read and enjoyed her previous book. Though I may not agree with everything she says, I read her for her kind of endearing style. This book though, is a complete facepalm as far as I'm concerned. Uber personal as most of her writing is, Shoba comes across like an immature child who takes life decisions based on whims and childhood fantasies. 'India and America are too different because in America you eat sweet stuff for breakfast and in India salty stuff' made me cringe. What I expected from the book? A juicy tale of how an immigrant family 'returned to india', the quirks of the return journey, how they made peace with their return and how they were convinced that this was the best decision ever. What I got? Pages and pages of husband nagging. Childish ranting. And to be honest, very little'return to india' itself. Two stars for the mildly redeeming narrative in parts.
August 22, 2022
Return to India : An Immigrant memoir - Shoba Narayan
Rating 1/5. (Finished reading, but I would not recommend it.)
Disclaimer - this is my honest review as I paid money to buy this book (unknowingly) because I was curious.
I haven't rated any book this lower as far as I remember. But over here, this book demanded it, it's contents and writing did not make me rate it any higher.
The book and it's contents are outdated. The writing is immature, silly at places and hypocritic at many other places. I shall explain soon.
Shoba Narayan grew up in Chennai in 1970's and 1980's. Their family was pretty well off. An apartment, a gardener, plus two house help for her mother. She even drove a Fiat 1100 in the late 1980's. Back then owning a car was a big thing.
If you are expecting the contents of the book only to be about a person in America who wants to return then you are wrong. The book deals with her early years in Chennai as well. The process of her moving to US comes late but before that many pages are dedicated to the pre-immigration days.
Also the book ends abruptly with Shoba Narayan returning to Singapore when the book ends and not to India. She returns to India two years later.
I did not know Shoba Narayan is an award winning author and columnist. May be this book was written when she was still finding her footing. But considering it was published in 2011, I suppose, a much better effort could have been undertaken. But nope.
There are many things which I did not like about the book.
1. In the first half Shobha Narayan complains about late 1980's Chennai traffic while driving Fiat. If so, why in the second half she wants to come back to the same country where traffic has increased a 100 manifold?
2. Shoba Narayan has a friend midnight, whose brother in law Anand happens to be gay. She has no issues with orientation of Anand. But she gets very concerned at the thought of her daughter ending with her lesbian partner at home? #Facepalm
3. I felt offended the most when Shobha Narayan describes something called a fluidic relationship, where a newly married bride falls in love with her brother-in-law staying in the same roof but cannot confess. She takes this example to explain her relationship with her neighborhood friend.
4. There is no mention of her travels to India, nor mention of her in-laws visit to USA. Also no mention of her vacations in USA mentioned whatsoever. But finds sufficient space almost 3 pages to write about a tailor by name Mohammed. #Facepalm.
5. She falls in love with a random stranger in visa line, Zahid and writes about how her family opposes a non Tamil Brahmin groom, let alone another religion. Needed?
I had no intention to read this book fully, but I just read it to see, how much more silly, pointless it could get. Alas, it ended abruptly.
Highly NOT recommended.
Cheers,
Rating 1/5. (Finished reading, but I would not recommend it.)
Disclaimer - this is my honest review as I paid money to buy this book (unknowingly) because I was curious.
I haven't rated any book this lower as far as I remember. But over here, this book demanded it, it's contents and writing did not make me rate it any higher.
The book and it's contents are outdated. The writing is immature, silly at places and hypocritic at many other places. I shall explain soon.
Shoba Narayan grew up in Chennai in 1970's and 1980's. Their family was pretty well off. An apartment, a gardener, plus two house help for her mother. She even drove a Fiat 1100 in the late 1980's. Back then owning a car was a big thing.
If you are expecting the contents of the book only to be about a person in America who wants to return then you are wrong. The book deals with her early years in Chennai as well. The process of her moving to US comes late but before that many pages are dedicated to the pre-immigration days.
Also the book ends abruptly with Shoba Narayan returning to Singapore when the book ends and not to India. She returns to India two years later.
I did not know Shoba Narayan is an award winning author and columnist. May be this book was written when she was still finding her footing. But considering it was published in 2011, I suppose, a much better effort could have been undertaken. But nope.
There are many things which I did not like about the book.
1. In the first half Shobha Narayan complains about late 1980's Chennai traffic while driving Fiat. If so, why in the second half she wants to come back to the same country where traffic has increased a 100 manifold?
2. Shoba Narayan has a friend midnight, whose brother in law Anand happens to be gay. She has no issues with orientation of Anand. But she gets very concerned at the thought of her daughter ending with her lesbian partner at home? #Facepalm
3. I felt offended the most when Shobha Narayan describes something called a fluidic relationship, where a newly married bride falls in love with her brother-in-law staying in the same roof but cannot confess. She takes this example to explain her relationship with her neighborhood friend.
4. There is no mention of her travels to India, nor mention of her in-laws visit to USA. Also no mention of her vacations in USA mentioned whatsoever. But finds sufficient space almost 3 pages to write about a tailor by name Mohammed. #Facepalm.
5. She falls in love with a random stranger in visa line, Zahid and writes about how her family opposes a non Tamil Brahmin groom, let alone another religion. Needed?
I had no intention to read this book fully, but I just read it to see, how much more silly, pointless it could get. Alas, it ended abruptly.
Highly NOT recommended.
Cheers,
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 17, 2017
The Storyline: It was with hopes of freedom and dreams of glamour that Shoba Narayan had ventured to America, where she pursued her post graduate education. From her initial plans of a Masters in psychology and finally getting a degree in sculpture, Shoba experiences a lot of things that would have been impossible in her life at Madras. After the university phase, comes the marriage phase where she agrees to an arranged marriage to Ram. Life did take a certain turn from then. But the more drastic changes in her can be related to her ‘motherhood’ phase – if I can call it that. It was the birth of her daughter that made way to her questioning her choices and decisions.
The Characterization: The advantage of a memoir is that the characters are all real identities. Mostly it is easy to identify them and take the journey with then. They all have good and bad sides and their own quirks. This case was no different. Shoba has masterfully created the characters and provided enough fodder for the readers to ‘know’ the people in her life. She has been quite candid about herself too.
Writing Style: I quite enjoyed reading the Authors easy language punctuated with a good sense of humour.
What I feel: It is nothing new – the idea of an Indian youth wanting to get away from the clutches of the conservative culture, the ever judging society and the overbearing and strict parents. We have all been through that ‘I-can’t-wait-till-I-can-get-out-of-here’ phase ourselves in our mid-teens to early twenties. For some it is the lure of freedom, for some it means better opportunities, for some it’s their dream while for some it’s just the lure of the unfamiliar. I know it well. Growing up in a joint-family in Kolkata (then Calcutta), with fairly open-minded family, I couldn’t wait to get away from the city. I think for me it was the lure of ‘independence’. That was a time frame when friends, social life and career were all I cared about. Now that I have spent a number of years enjoying that ‘independence’, have married and settled down in South India, my way of interpreting life and my priorities have changed. Now I often wish that everyone in our generation could stay in a single city so that instead of seeing my nieces and nephews growing up through their pictures on social networking sites, I could actually be a part of that growing up.
I know I was basically ranting there, but I just wanted to let you know that even though my life is very different from the Author’s, I still feel and understand her feelings and decisions. It was like seeing myself through a coloured glass – different yet still the same. No, I didn’t always agree with her decisions and yes, at times I felt certain narration was overdone, but it is her story that she has narrated in her own unique way.
So it is safe to say that, no matter who you are and what is your life like, you will be able to relate to this story because at the end of the day this book is about the journey of a young girl to becoming a mother, from seeing the life as a party ground to seeing life as an adult who is responsible for another life. It is all about maturing through the years, adjusting to whatever life has to offer and seeing your priorities change.
I have thoroughly enjoyed this journey with Shoba and enjoyed living her life through these pages. I hope that others will too.
The Characterization: The advantage of a memoir is that the characters are all real identities. Mostly it is easy to identify them and take the journey with then. They all have good and bad sides and their own quirks. This case was no different. Shoba has masterfully created the characters and provided enough fodder for the readers to ‘know’ the people in her life. She has been quite candid about herself too.
Writing Style: I quite enjoyed reading the Authors easy language punctuated with a good sense of humour.
What I feel: It is nothing new – the idea of an Indian youth wanting to get away from the clutches of the conservative culture, the ever judging society and the overbearing and strict parents. We have all been through that ‘I-can’t-wait-till-I-can-get-out-of-here’ phase ourselves in our mid-teens to early twenties. For some it is the lure of freedom, for some it means better opportunities, for some it’s their dream while for some it’s just the lure of the unfamiliar. I know it well. Growing up in a joint-family in Kolkata (then Calcutta), with fairly open-minded family, I couldn’t wait to get away from the city. I think for me it was the lure of ‘independence’. That was a time frame when friends, social life and career were all I cared about. Now that I have spent a number of years enjoying that ‘independence’, have married and settled down in South India, my way of interpreting life and my priorities have changed. Now I often wish that everyone in our generation could stay in a single city so that instead of seeing my nieces and nephews growing up through their pictures on social networking sites, I could actually be a part of that growing up.
I know I was basically ranting there, but I just wanted to let you know that even though my life is very different from the Author’s, I still feel and understand her feelings and decisions. It was like seeing myself through a coloured glass – different yet still the same. No, I didn’t always agree with her decisions and yes, at times I felt certain narration was overdone, but it is her story that she has narrated in her own unique way.
So it is safe to say that, no matter who you are and what is your life like, you will be able to relate to this story because at the end of the day this book is about the journey of a young girl to becoming a mother, from seeing the life as a party ground to seeing life as an adult who is responsible for another life. It is all about maturing through the years, adjusting to whatever life has to offer and seeing your priorities change.
I have thoroughly enjoyed this journey with Shoba and enjoyed living her life through these pages. I hope that others will too.
November 27, 2012
What I liked best about the memoir of the entire journey (almost twenty years were spent in America) was the sheer honesty – the good, the bad, the ugly, all experiences and her own behaviour were honestly portrayed.
Going to America was Shoba Narayan’s childhood dream and her mother once poured a bucket full of cold water over her head, as she – then only a child - insisted in the dead of the night that she would go to America (by pouring cold water her mother tried to exorcise her of this desire). Her orthodox family hailing from the Tamil-Brahamin community (a high caste community of South India) were hell bent against her going overseas, but she and her next door neighbour, Vicky (who was almost a brother to her) planned and plotted for their independence – which they felt was possible only if they went to America.
Years later, a fully paid scholarship, where financial support was guaranteed by Mary Jacob, dean for international students at Mount Holyoke, as distant relatives in this dream land did not step up and visa officials insisted on the guarantee despite the scholarship, made Shoba’s dream come true.
She talks of her first crush, Zahid whom she met at the serpentine queue outside the US Counsulate office, as they stood nervously for a visa. She actually brought him home for a cup of tea, springing further fears that America would transform her and perhaps she would end up marrying outside her caste.
Yet she, Vicky, Zahid, and Midnight (another acquaintance hailing from a rich family) finally made it to this foreign land. Shoba points out how all immigrant students seemed so much lighter as they stepped on American soil and cut their apron strings.
For instance, she had meant to obtain a masters in psychology, but America spurred her to follow her passion and she ended up as a full fledged art major with a specialisation in sculpture (something that in India would be perceived as futile as it would not result in a well paid job). She also learnt to accept diversity and had tons of gay friends, another aspect which would not have gone down well in Indian society – at least back then.
Even as Shoba kept in touch with Vicky and Midnight and on occasion with Zahid, eventually she married Ram, who worked on Wall Street – a meeting between the two was arranged by family acquaintances and the knot was soon tied. Following the birth of her first child, Shoba began to yearn for India. She became a 'born-again' India, what with donning a sari for an entire week, dragging her family to the temple on Sundays or even trying to enrol her daughter in an exclusive India summer camp.
The book was interesting, but with the reverse brain drain now so common, with equal if not better job opportunities in India and tightening of immigration laws in the USA, the book was a tad outdated.
A detailed review is available on my blog and your comments will be highly appreciated and reciprocated.
http://booksonmyshelves.blogspot.in/2...
Going to America was Shoba Narayan’s childhood dream and her mother once poured a bucket full of cold water over her head, as she – then only a child - insisted in the dead of the night that she would go to America (by pouring cold water her mother tried to exorcise her of this desire). Her orthodox family hailing from the Tamil-Brahamin community (a high caste community of South India) were hell bent against her going overseas, but she and her next door neighbour, Vicky (who was almost a brother to her) planned and plotted for their independence – which they felt was possible only if they went to America.
Years later, a fully paid scholarship, where financial support was guaranteed by Mary Jacob, dean for international students at Mount Holyoke, as distant relatives in this dream land did not step up and visa officials insisted on the guarantee despite the scholarship, made Shoba’s dream come true.
She talks of her first crush, Zahid whom she met at the serpentine queue outside the US Counsulate office, as they stood nervously for a visa. She actually brought him home for a cup of tea, springing further fears that America would transform her and perhaps she would end up marrying outside her caste.
Yet she, Vicky, Zahid, and Midnight (another acquaintance hailing from a rich family) finally made it to this foreign land. Shoba points out how all immigrant students seemed so much lighter as they stepped on American soil and cut their apron strings.
For instance, she had meant to obtain a masters in psychology, but America spurred her to follow her passion and she ended up as a full fledged art major with a specialisation in sculpture (something that in India would be perceived as futile as it would not result in a well paid job). She also learnt to accept diversity and had tons of gay friends, another aspect which would not have gone down well in Indian society – at least back then.
Even as Shoba kept in touch with Vicky and Midnight and on occasion with Zahid, eventually she married Ram, who worked on Wall Street – a meeting between the two was arranged by family acquaintances and the knot was soon tied. Following the birth of her first child, Shoba began to yearn for India. She became a 'born-again' India, what with donning a sari for an entire week, dragging her family to the temple on Sundays or even trying to enrol her daughter in an exclusive India summer camp.
The book was interesting, but with the reverse brain drain now so common, with equal if not better job opportunities in India and tightening of immigration laws in the USA, the book was a tad outdated.
A detailed review is available on my blog and your comments will be highly appreciated and reciprocated.
http://booksonmyshelves.blogspot.in/2...
June 23, 2013
This book deserves just an ok rating. I was expecting greater deal of substance from it considering the title of "Return to India" for the book. It just felt like a drag for most parts!!
The first part of the book is interesting and exciting about the prospect of discovering dreams in US. But, somehow the book ends up being an endless ranting about typical everyday life. It does not describe the changes in the lifestyle or how the author adopted the changes on return to India.
The first part of the book is interesting and exciting about the prospect of discovering dreams in US. But, somehow the book ends up being an endless ranting about typical everyday life. It does not describe the changes in the lifestyle or how the author adopted the changes on return to India.
March 30, 2018
I recently discovered Shoba Narayan through her new column in HT Brunch. And I tend to go full throttle when I discover a new writer whose writing I like. I read this one and Katha is in the queue next. Honestly, this book is a kind of disappointment. It's mostly a crazy woman's confused rant about her obsession with moving back to India. I am glad she has her husband as a sane voice in her life or she'd totally lose her marbles. She so enthusiastically leaves for the US craving the freedom that the country epitomises, for her. But she does nothing wild with that freedom. Eating Ethiopian food and cooking Indian food at a friend's is her circle of experimentation with the new culture. She has an arranged marriage in the most traditional manner. Bummer!
The plot thickens towards the middle when the India-America dilemma surfaces and one does identify with it for a while. India is home but America has given immigrants the lives they have. What to choose? I agree with Ram - the best of both worlds. But Shoba, the over-thinker, goes on a crazy overdrive swinging between the two extremes. She is so lost in the emotional aspect of moving back "home" that she refuses to see her husband's career prospects or the deprivation her children might suffer of the opportunities that America has to offer. It seems like a totally selfish decision. By the time her husband gives an "exaggerated weary sigh" at her expressing doubts about the move for the umpteenth time, I think I am ready to give up on her too! Make up your mind, woman!
The plot thickens towards the middle when the India-America dilemma surfaces and one does identify with it for a while. India is home but America has given immigrants the lives they have. What to choose? I agree with Ram - the best of both worlds. But Shoba, the over-thinker, goes on a crazy overdrive swinging between the two extremes. She is so lost in the emotional aspect of moving back "home" that she refuses to see her husband's career prospects or the deprivation her children might suffer of the opportunities that America has to offer. It seems like a totally selfish decision. By the time her husband gives an "exaggerated weary sigh" at her expressing doubts about the move for the umpteenth time, I think I am ready to give up on her too! Make up your mind, woman!
December 24, 2021
@NRIs/Immigrants 🙂,
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and think some of you might also like it.
The book is about Shobha Narayan from Chennai and her journey to US and return to India after 17 years of stay. How at age of 20 she applies for US university. The anxiousness of waiting for reply from the university and getting VISA. The excitement of moving to a new country, the opportunity to learn new culture, explore new place. As time goes by, the dilemma of an immigrant life begins. Of life being split between two cultures, two countries, of being global citizen. The mixed emotions of satisfaction of achieving the dream and of finding yourself. At same time the guilt, confusion, frustration of being away from India and search of a place called Home. The never ending question, should we return to India? What about kids future, job? How the answers keeps changing, especially after being a mother. And how the journey back can be more complicated than anyone imagines.
Love the way how hilariously she brings out the funny side of the experiences and emotions. A wonderful read!
Note:
I am not promoting the idea of Return to India. I think each one of us has our needs, aspirations and circumstances. But at the same time the book beautifully captures the dilemma of being an immigrant and split between two cultures, which, may be most of us will get related to.
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and think some of you might also like it.
The book is about Shobha Narayan from Chennai and her journey to US and return to India after 17 years of stay. How at age of 20 she applies for US university. The anxiousness of waiting for reply from the university and getting VISA. The excitement of moving to a new country, the opportunity to learn new culture, explore new place. As time goes by, the dilemma of an immigrant life begins. Of life being split between two cultures, two countries, of being global citizen. The mixed emotions of satisfaction of achieving the dream and of finding yourself. At same time the guilt, confusion, frustration of being away from India and search of a place called Home. The never ending question, should we return to India? What about kids future, job? How the answers keeps changing, especially after being a mother. And how the journey back can be more complicated than anyone imagines.
Love the way how hilariously she brings out the funny side of the experiences and emotions. A wonderful read!
Note:
I am not promoting the idea of Return to India. I think each one of us has our needs, aspirations and circumstances. But at the same time the book beautifully captures the dilemma of being an immigrant and split between two cultures, which, may be most of us will get related to.
May 2, 2025
as I am planning to move to america the land of opportunities, this book caught my eyes. to tell stories and interestingly weaving it, needs language command and desire to narrate. shoba narayan has it all. is she into travelogues, yes I want to hear.
her return to India story wouldn't be easier, but to naturalise and come back to her home, puzzles me. isn't GC and naturalization the ultimate achievement , any immigrant would hope for? what's the magical thing that attracts people all around the world towards this free world, the ability to discover, thrive, etc?
to love two things equally and be respectful of home and adopted home is rare. people cuss one to love other. Thanks to the author, you can be in symmetry with all, it's not leaving one for the other.
long live america, long live India.
her return to India story wouldn't be easier, but to naturalise and come back to her home, puzzles me. isn't GC and naturalization the ultimate achievement , any immigrant would hope for? what's the magical thing that attracts people all around the world towards this free world, the ability to discover, thrive, etc?
to love two things equally and be respectful of home and adopted home is rare. people cuss one to love other. Thanks to the author, you can be in symmetry with all, it's not leaving one for the other.
long live america, long live India.
December 1, 2019
Narayan, though India-born (as is her husband), is living in the US, a life of comfort and relative luxury. Yet she is obsessed with the desire to return to India. She pushes and pushes her husband with the idea of moving back to India - and this is her journey with the conflict, the desires. Great read, usual lovely style of Narayan's.
April 10, 2020
Enjoyable and deeply relatable but not necessarily moving.
November 5, 2012
Shoba charts her journey from the time she first started to dream about going to America. Her parents are horrified at the idea, and try everything to stop her. Fate, finally, had it’s way, and she made her way to America as a student, with stars in her eyes, all set to live the American dream.
America gave her opportunities that she had dreamed about. She had come to America to pursue a master’s degree in psychology, but ended up a full-fledged art major trying to do a master’s in sculpture, For Shoba, this was the essence of America’s opportunities.
As Shoba immersed herself in America, she also develops close friendships with her fellow Indian students as well as her American friends. Living her new life, the experiences of being a student on grant in America, studying subjects that excited her, finding funding and help in the most unexpected places, washing dishes to make some money, Shoba is content. Somewhere down the line, she gets married – a traditional, arranged marriage to Ram.
From her happy existence in America, her perspective on living in America starts changing after she became a mother. She slowly started thinking about the ‘India Question’, with more and more of her friends and people around her talking seriously about moving back to India. The country that she had fought to leave, was now, beckoning to her. The culture and society that she had once tried to avoid, was the one she started trying very hard to inculcate in her daughter. There are some hilarious episodes mentioned of how hard she tried to make her daughter ‘Indian’. She calls herself a ‘born again Hindu’, when she drags her family to the temple, she had never before visited, or tried to wear a sari the whole day, for a month, just to make it familiar to her daughter. In her own way, trying to bring India or being Indian, closer to her American born and bred daughter.
While she was passionate about moving back, her husband Ram, was more resistant to the idea. He was less bothered about the parenting worries that Shoba had. She was quite worried about how to parent her daughter, the American influences worrying her tremendously, while her husband believed that with the right values, their daughter would be fine anywhere. They had their discussions, their disagreements, and their concurrence on the ‘India Question’. Finally, after a few years, things fell into place and they did indeed move to India.
So, how did I find it? I really enjoyed her perspective on life in America(or abroad anywhere, for that matter). Her observations of how people behave, some reject India completely, while others become born again Indians. The way she herself changed after her daughter was born, is quite interesting to read. In some places cliched – just the way, we have heard of NRIs behaving, and in some places interesting.
When I started reading this, I couldn’t help wonder if I would find similarities in my situation with what she recounts, but I have to say, her situation, and her reasons for moving back were quite different, so I did not really relate to her story much. It was just reading her story than reading a story that I could totally relate to. Probably because we had not lived abroad for so long, nor had we ever planned to live abroad. Returning to India was a given for us, rather than a ‘question’. Also parenting worries of the sort she had, somehow, does not bother me. Influences of all sorts, would be there in any society, in my opinion. My daughter’s childhood cannot be exactly the same as mine, even if I went back to the town I grew up in, and did everything my parents did. But that is entirely my opinion.
An interesting read, in some places very cliched, but pacy and gripping all the same. The way her priorities changed over the years with changes in her circumstances is very interesting to read. I would recommend it to anybody who likes memoirs although I think I enjoyed her first book – Monsoon Diary more. Would I recommend it to someone who is relocating/planning to relocate to India? I don’t know. Mainly because I could not relate to it at all, but perhaps if you are in a similar situation as her’s you might relate and enjoy it much more. Other than that, as a memoir, it is an interesting read.
America gave her opportunities that she had dreamed about. She had come to America to pursue a master’s degree in psychology, but ended up a full-fledged art major trying to do a master’s in sculpture, For Shoba, this was the essence of America’s opportunities.
As Shoba immersed herself in America, she also develops close friendships with her fellow Indian students as well as her American friends. Living her new life, the experiences of being a student on grant in America, studying subjects that excited her, finding funding and help in the most unexpected places, washing dishes to make some money, Shoba is content. Somewhere down the line, she gets married – a traditional, arranged marriage to Ram.
From her happy existence in America, her perspective on living in America starts changing after she became a mother. She slowly started thinking about the ‘India Question’, with more and more of her friends and people around her talking seriously about moving back to India. The country that she had fought to leave, was now, beckoning to her. The culture and society that she had once tried to avoid, was the one she started trying very hard to inculcate in her daughter. There are some hilarious episodes mentioned of how hard she tried to make her daughter ‘Indian’. She calls herself a ‘born again Hindu’, when she drags her family to the temple, she had never before visited, or tried to wear a sari the whole day, for a month, just to make it familiar to her daughter. In her own way, trying to bring India or being Indian, closer to her American born and bred daughter.
While she was passionate about moving back, her husband Ram, was more resistant to the idea. He was less bothered about the parenting worries that Shoba had. She was quite worried about how to parent her daughter, the American influences worrying her tremendously, while her husband believed that with the right values, their daughter would be fine anywhere. They had their discussions, their disagreements, and their concurrence on the ‘India Question’. Finally, after a few years, things fell into place and they did indeed move to India.
So, how did I find it? I really enjoyed her perspective on life in America(or abroad anywhere, for that matter). Her observations of how people behave, some reject India completely, while others become born again Indians. The way she herself changed after her daughter was born, is quite interesting to read. In some places cliched – just the way, we have heard of NRIs behaving, and in some places interesting.
When I started reading this, I couldn’t help wonder if I would find similarities in my situation with what she recounts, but I have to say, her situation, and her reasons for moving back were quite different, so I did not really relate to her story much. It was just reading her story than reading a story that I could totally relate to. Probably because we had not lived abroad for so long, nor had we ever planned to live abroad. Returning to India was a given for us, rather than a ‘question’. Also parenting worries of the sort she had, somehow, does not bother me. Influences of all sorts, would be there in any society, in my opinion. My daughter’s childhood cannot be exactly the same as mine, even if I went back to the town I grew up in, and did everything my parents did. But that is entirely my opinion.
An interesting read, in some places very cliched, but pacy and gripping all the same. The way her priorities changed over the years with changes in her circumstances is very interesting to read. I would recommend it to anybody who likes memoirs although I think I enjoyed her first book – Monsoon Diary more. Would I recommend it to someone who is relocating/planning to relocate to India? I don’t know. Mainly because I could not relate to it at all, but perhaps if you are in a similar situation as her’s you might relate and enjoy it much more. Other than that, as a memoir, it is an interesting read.
February 19, 2013
The candid narrative in the first part of the book which involves author’s chronicle of passion & determination to chase her dreams hooked me to the book instantly. I was able to relate with her itch to venture out from the conservative family background to initiate a new life of freedom in an unfamiliar land. The respite which she aptly portrays with her immigration to USA from the suffocating & distorted education & bureaucracy system of India was quite freshening. Her wit filled minutiae about her extended clan was remarkably candid.
Author very beautifully sketches the gradual changes that creep in their life and takes us through a realistic trail of her life events. She doesn't bat an eyelid to jot down her exploration of new culture and assorted measures opted by her to resume a living as an aspiring green card holder. However, as the question of ‘identity’ sneaks in her mind in second half of the book the flavor of the tale takes a different turn. Motherhood brings in her life the somehow clichéd NRI attitude for her kids. She starts worrying about the mixed culture of her daughter’s upbringing and ponders about the instillation of Indian values in her kids.
Author keeps on oscillating between the warmth of her close-knit family in India and the materialistic eased out life as an US citizen while portraying the dilemma through well chosen words.
However I was not able to relate to this part of the book much. I personally feel that we can never compare our childhood & upbringing with that of our kids. Every phase & situation has their pluses & minuses and we cannot force our kids to relive our childhood. Author kept on glorifying the Indian values and dependency culture and somehow I felt tried to fit in her comfort zone with ‘Return to India’ issue. Author tries to create a delusional scenario about all good things of India and travels to nostalgia where relatives go out of the way to help you kids, Nosy neighbours who spend their day idle playing chess & ludo keeps a track on your family activities and so on.
Author brings up some interesting humorous scenarios where she tries to force her ‘born again Hindu’ values to her family by dragging them to temple or wears ‘Saree’ for the whole month. Her spouse’s beliefs were more realistic as he believed in drilling right values in kids; be it anywhere in the world. I don’t deny the fact that this ‘moving back’ issue is too sensitive & required lot of thinking but somehow this part was quite long drawn.
Concluding it I can say that it is a good read. A book which deals with the ‘immigrant’s dilemma’ in detail. It caters those audiences who are away from their roots for long and are pining for their home. Also, I liked this memoir for the candid presentation of author’s life devoid any hypocrisy. The question of returning back to India has never been accessorized by the author with some social messages concealed in hypocrisy. However I would love to read another book from the same author about settling back in India about whom she had high hopes.
Author very beautifully sketches the gradual changes that creep in their life and takes us through a realistic trail of her life events. She doesn't bat an eyelid to jot down her exploration of new culture and assorted measures opted by her to resume a living as an aspiring green card holder. However, as the question of ‘identity’ sneaks in her mind in second half of the book the flavor of the tale takes a different turn. Motherhood brings in her life the somehow clichéd NRI attitude for her kids. She starts worrying about the mixed culture of her daughter’s upbringing and ponders about the instillation of Indian values in her kids.
Author keeps on oscillating between the warmth of her close-knit family in India and the materialistic eased out life as an US citizen while portraying the dilemma through well chosen words.
However I was not able to relate to this part of the book much. I personally feel that we can never compare our childhood & upbringing with that of our kids. Every phase & situation has their pluses & minuses and we cannot force our kids to relive our childhood. Author kept on glorifying the Indian values and dependency culture and somehow I felt tried to fit in her comfort zone with ‘Return to India’ issue. Author tries to create a delusional scenario about all good things of India and travels to nostalgia where relatives go out of the way to help you kids, Nosy neighbours who spend their day idle playing chess & ludo keeps a track on your family activities and so on.
Author brings up some interesting humorous scenarios where she tries to force her ‘born again Hindu’ values to her family by dragging them to temple or wears ‘Saree’ for the whole month. Her spouse’s beliefs were more realistic as he believed in drilling right values in kids; be it anywhere in the world. I don’t deny the fact that this ‘moving back’ issue is too sensitive & required lot of thinking but somehow this part was quite long drawn.
Concluding it I can say that it is a good read. A book which deals with the ‘immigrant’s dilemma’ in detail. It caters those audiences who are away from their roots for long and are pining for their home. Also, I liked this memoir for the candid presentation of author’s life devoid any hypocrisy. The question of returning back to India has never been accessorized by the author with some social messages concealed in hypocrisy. However I would love to read another book from the same author about settling back in India about whom she had high hopes.
May 24, 2013
I heard Shoba Narayan talk about her book in an interview on the radio. She mentioned that she missed the security of her extended family in India during her daughters' growing up years in the US. That is when I decided to buy this book.
In this memoir, Shoba Narayan talks about her dream to get to America, away from people who know her. She describes her various experiences in the process: while obtaining a visa, her conversation with her grandfather before she leaves, her shopping trip in Chennai, her parents' unwillingness to send her, getting the dollars for her trip, the life of her fellow Indian students who also travel to America at the same time as her.
She mentions about her traditional wedding in India (she has described it in her previous memoir- Monsoon Diary) and her registered marriage in the US to enable her to obtain a Marriage Certificate so that she could apply for a green card. Her adjusting to a married life, applying for a green card so that she could work, throwing the green card with the trash and then rummaging through the dumpster to look for the green card is very nicely and sweetly described. I could actually picturise it.
She mentions about the birth of her first daughter, naming her daughter and her life in New York with a small child. Her thoughts start changing after her daughter is born. Her mention about the lengths at which she goes to make her daughter learn the Indian values is very natural, her group, Saregama, with fellow Indian mothers to teach the children bhajans, her daughter's interview for the Indian camp, how she drags her family to the temple, wears a sari for the whole day for a month and so on. She feels that the influence of mixed cultures might not be good for her daughter.
When she realizes that many of her fellow Indians are moving back to India, she starts thinking about it. Her husband is opposed to the idea. She writes about their discussions, disagreements and their agreements. Slowly, things start falling into place and they move back to India after living in the US for about 20 years.
Overall, an interesting read.
In this memoir, Shoba Narayan talks about her dream to get to America, away from people who know her. She describes her various experiences in the process: while obtaining a visa, her conversation with her grandfather before she leaves, her shopping trip in Chennai, her parents' unwillingness to send her, getting the dollars for her trip, the life of her fellow Indian students who also travel to America at the same time as her.
She mentions about her traditional wedding in India (she has described it in her previous memoir- Monsoon Diary) and her registered marriage in the US to enable her to obtain a Marriage Certificate so that she could apply for a green card. Her adjusting to a married life, applying for a green card so that she could work, throwing the green card with the trash and then rummaging through the dumpster to look for the green card is very nicely and sweetly described. I could actually picturise it.
She mentions about the birth of her first daughter, naming her daughter and her life in New York with a small child. Her thoughts start changing after her daughter is born. Her mention about the lengths at which she goes to make her daughter learn the Indian values is very natural, her group, Saregama, with fellow Indian mothers to teach the children bhajans, her daughter's interview for the Indian camp, how she drags her family to the temple, wears a sari for the whole day for a month and so on. She feels that the influence of mixed cultures might not be good for her daughter.
When she realizes that many of her fellow Indians are moving back to India, she starts thinking about it. Her husband is opposed to the idea. She writes about their discussions, disagreements and their agreements. Slowly, things start falling into place and they move back to India after living in the US for about 20 years.
Overall, an interesting read.
August 21, 2013
Its an average book, I was very excited when I decided to read this book, but as i continued my journey with Shoba Narayan, it dint remain as exciting anymore. As she herself calls it, it did seem like a grand obsession to return to India with no actual reason for it.
January 3, 2013
My review can be accessed at: http://muddledup.wordpress.com/2012/1...
January 14, 2013
I have not lived in US that long, but there are many aspects beautifully covered in this book that I could relate to. A well written book.
August 5, 2014
An insight doesn't very much sync with the title.
Want to read
February 25, 2016kindle 240 (memoir)
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