Seeking Soulmate: Ditch the Dating Game and Find Real Connection

by Chamin Ajjan

Transform dating and the often-fraught search for a fulfilling relationship into a fun, exciting adventure using mindfulness techniques and practices.   Dating is a 2 billion dollar industry. Everyone, it seems, is looking for love but for so many it is an endless struggle. In Seeking Ditch the Dating Game and Find Real Connection, Brooklyn-based therapist Chamin Ajjan offers a fresh perspective to this universal pursuit. With a friendly, funny, and informative approach, Ajjan applies the evidence-based theories of Cognitive Behavior Therapy and mindfulness meditation practice to the negative behaviors, thoughts, and patterns that cause dating distress.   Every stage of the dating process, from finding someone to date, to developing a relationship, has its own particular difficulties. Seeking Soulmate shares case vignettes, relatable characters, and personal experiences from Ajjan's clinical experience to illustrate how the personal insight gained with practicing mindfulness can transform the anxiety, negative thoughts, and overall hopelessness that accompanies the unsuccessful pursuit of love into fun, rewarding, exciting dating adventures. Ajjan provides an explanation for dating difficulties, a foundation for practice, and practical exercises to create real change. These methods are available to everyone, regardless of age, socioeconomic status, ethnic, cultural, or religious background, or sexual orientation.   Seeking Soulmate will help you develop the most important benefit of mindful the ability to let your genuine, most attractive self emerge. This is how real relationships with the actual staying power are formed.

Genres: Nonfiction, Relationships

226 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 14, 2017

About the author

Chamin Ajjan is the author of Seeking Soulmate: Ditch The Dating Game and Find Real Connection. She is an intimacy expert and licensed clinical social worker who did her undergrad work at the University of California, Berkeley, and attended graduate school at Columbia University. She has post graduate training in sex therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy and is a Diplomate of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. She has been in private practice since 2004 and is the founder and Clinical Director of Chamin Ajjan Psychotherapy, a boutique clinic in New York City. In those years she has come to see that no matter what a patient cites as their reason for engaging in treatment, it usually all comes down to love. Romantic relationships and the attempt to find one continue to be the most talked-about subjects among her single clients. Chamin has blogged extensively about mindful dating on her website, chaminajjan.com, and developed a unique mindful dating model that she uses in her psychotherapy practice. She lives with her husband, daughter and son in Brooklyn, New York.

Reviews

[Dezmond Morris · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is by far the greatest book I've ever read when it comes to seeking "the one". The author, Chamin, challenges the reader to examine themselves, as well as to think outside the box from the way they are used to dating. It's a very informative read and also very fun, for the author makes you feel like you know her by how she interacts and relates to you in each chapter. I thought I had it figured out in the dating game, but this book taught me how to ditch dating and how to get out of my own way! I'm so glad I bought this book. I highly recommend this book to anyone seeking true love!

[Blanca · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the Girlfriends Guide to Dating. Seriously, I’m not the self-help-book type of gal, but this book may have opened up a whole new library for me! Seeking Soulmate, is the book you keep on your nightstand (or glove department!) for regular visits. Chamin Ajjan, created a book that reads more like a conversation with your best friend!! So if your girl is out of town and you need a someone to pow-wow about “WTF just happened last night” or if you’re like me and don’t like chatting to anyone about it, then this is a go to resource.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a fun, engaging introduction to mindfulness and how to apply it not just only to those who are dating but also to your life and all relationships. Although I am already in a relationship, but the skills she teaches can help any person become a more kind, present partner. Chamin Ajjan introduces you to the ideas and skills of meditation and mindfulness in a friendly and easy way. I am a novice when it comes to mindfulness and I have tried meditating in the past and it wasn't something that I felt I was able to do. The author broke down the techniques and concepts in a very simple digestible way. She even validated my concerns and feelings about it, giving reassurance that it was okay to go slow and slowly build up the skill. It was like having your friend take you through the hobby that they are the most passionate about. Chamin Ajjan also included many real life examples from her practice as a therapist to reinforce her message which was very interesting. There were many examples that could easily have been describing my friends and their struggles, not to mention myself. She writes in a conversational tone and I could hear her warm positive personality coming through the text. I strongly recommend this book to any person who is trying to make a connection or who wants to discover a more mindful thoughtful way to approach all relationships.

[Betty · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wonderfully refreshing and modern guide to dating. It was such a fun read and the author wrote in a way that made you feel like you were talking to one of your girlfriends (not the friend who tells you go back to your dirtbag ex-boyfriend so you don't die alone, but the smart funny girlfriend with good advice and her life together). I felt like I was getting free therapy while reading it and the 90s references cracked me up. I could definitely see how some of my behaviors were affecting my current dating situation (hello, being too comfortable being single and making myself too busy/popular to ever let anyone in). All of her examples and online dating situations were spot on. I also love yoga and it's really interesting how "mindfulness" techniques can be incorporated into dating with things like calming down date nerves, not being too hard on yourself, and appreciating a first date for what it is. Looking forward to putting in use what I've learned and highly recommend this book to anyone who is going through the dating wringer/scene now!

[Cynthia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. I initially bought it because I was intrigued by the idea of using CBT and mindfulness in dating. I'm a therapist. I should say, I am a divorced and newly dating again, therapist. Let me just tell you that I love this book! I actually misplaced it for a couple of weeks and was just about to buy it again because it's simply genius! Then I found it! I was so excited. I am not even finished but have applied what I've read thus far and it's working! Sometimes, the therapist needs therapy! The beautiful author, Chamin, becomes the friend in your head that makes the read so easy to grasp and to apply. Excellent read and I recommend this book to anyone on a dating journey.

[Sari Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved Seeking Soulmate. It's full of down-to-earth advice about dating in today's world. Ajjan is a kind, knowledgable, thoughtful guide and she sets out to make the dating game meaningful and authentic. I've never encountered a more useful and honest book on dating. It's truly a breath of fresh air. I've been buying it as a gift for so many people who are going through the dating challenge. Thank you, Chamin Ajjan!

[anchi · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me months to finish this book, and I think everyone who’s actively looking for a partner should read it.

Long story short, the book introduces “mindful dating” and handful of tips. Very useful and detailed guide for those have no clues. Honestly, this book is not your cliche dating guide… give it a chance if you’re thinking to change the game.

Note: haven’t put these knowledge into practice but I like the book already :)

[Larry Cohen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! What a helpful and engaging book! It’s so refreshing to read dating and relationship formation advice that is truly evidence-based and not just opinion-based. The author suggests concrete exercises to help you make real progress that you’ll start seeing in short order. And her writing style is enjoyable and personable. I highly recommend this book to all who struggle to develop romantic relationships.

[SweetPea · Rating 2 out of 5]

A large portion of this book did not relate to dating and how to find a soulmate, but instead focused on other aspects of established relationships or meditation. The meditation parts weren’t really covered in a way that connected to dating, so overall dating seemed to be an afterthought of the book, rather than the main premise that the book title indicated.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Extremely good read!

[Frieda · Rating 2 out of 5]

Clever title, but nothing really substantial inside.

[Melissa Scheffey · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Buddhist approach to mindful dating & mindful mating! Full of good advice.

[Kirsten Lost 2022 · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is engagingly written and full of information.

Unfortunately I felt like I was reading a mindfulness book rather than a 'incorporate mindfulness into dating' book. The dating setup felt like it was to get me in the door and once I was in? BAM cyclic breathing.

Don't get me wrong, it's a decent enough book, it just wasn't for me.

Thanks to Netgalley for the read.

[Brit · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a fun and easy read, packed full of useful tips. I have two kids and not a lot of time to read so I appreciated what a quick read it was. I love the way the writer uses personal and professional experiences along with pop culture references. It totally feels like she gets me. And she challenged me to really rethink my dating practices. I recommend it for anyone frustrated with dating.

[Leeza Regensburger · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book for anyone who is interested in improving their romantic life by becoming more aware of and confident within themselves rather than just "how to" tips for impressing potential partners. Despite being rich with insight it was a very easy read, broken into perfect bite sized chunks and full of fun references. The tone is so conversational you really feel like you're getting advice straight from a wise older sister rather than the more clinical, removed feel of other self-help books. I've been in a loving relationship for 7 months but I still found that the mindfulness practices were very helpful to keep us present and appreciative of each other!