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Vanilla
A bold, groundbreaking novel about coming out, coming into your own, and coming apart.
Hunter and Van become boyfriends before they're even teenagers, and stay a couple even when adolescence intervenes. But in high school, conflict arises -- mostly because Hunter is much more comfortable with the sex part of sexual identity. As the two boys start to realize that loving someone doesn't guarantee they will always be with you, they find out more about their own identities -- with Hunter striking out on his own while Van begins to understand his own asexuality.
In poems that are romantic and poems that are heartbreaking, Vanilla explores all the flavors of the spectrum -- and how romance and love aren't always the same thing.
Hunter and Van become boyfriends before they're even teenagers, and stay a couple even when adolescence intervenes. But in high school, conflict arises -- mostly because Hunter is much more comfortable with the sex part of sexual identity. As the two boys start to realize that loving someone doesn't guarantee they will always be with you, they find out more about their own identities -- with Hunter striking out on his own while Van begins to understand his own asexuality.
In poems that are romantic and poems that are heartbreaking, Vanilla explores all the flavors of the spectrum -- and how romance and love aren't always the same thing.
320 pages, ebook
First published October 10, 2017
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 229 reviews
December 9, 2018
*I AM A DEMISEXUAL/ACE-SPECTRUM FEMALE REVIEWING THIS BOOK. PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE REVIEW BEFORE COMMENTING ON IT*
4/5stars
Okay, I picked this book up because I heard it was about a teen struggling with their identity as an asexual person, and it was told in verse. After I added it to my "want to read" shelf I heard many things about this book about the aphobia and problematic themes of it, which definitely had me concerned, but I decided to give the book a full chance - and I think people need to read the ENTIRE book before discussing it.
This BOOK is not aphobic - the CHARACTERS are for sure, but there's a very big distinction in that. Billy Merrell, to ME, represented a very realistic asexual character in high school, and I was able to relate 100% to our character Vanilla, but, I also do see the problematic nature of this book especially at the beginning of the book.
Our main character's boyfriend, Hunter, is definitely aphobic. He's constantly trying to push Vanilla into sex, convince him and guilt him into having sex with him, sending him nudes, getting him naked, etc. even when Vanilla is always saying he's not ready or not interested. Our "gang" of gay boys at their school are also aphobic, definitely, at the beginning of this book.
But, by the end of it, when Vanilla has come to understand his sexuality and is able to come out as such and explain it to everyone - some people definitely react in a very aphobic way, but people begin to understand it by the end of the book.
We also get a gender fluid/non-binary character by the end which I thought was WONDERFUL.
But this story was horrifyingly similar to my own. I have honestly always hated my asexuality - I tell people I'm pansexual way before I admit to being on the ace-spectrum BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE REACT THE WAY THESE CHARACTERS DID TO VANILLA. The amount of boys who I liked or dated and immediately didn't like me anymore, didn't understand, or simply didnt CARE when i explained my asexuality is almost every single one of them. I had always been someone whose incredibly uncomfortable with my asexuality, and always been someone who, like Vanilla, tries to shove it down and shove past it to make the people I'm with happy. Vanilla was a character I related to on a level I've never experienced before in a fictional novel.
That being said, I ENJOYED seeing this part of my story - the shitty, aphobic part of being asexual - represented in this book. BUT if YOU are an asexual person who doesn't want to be reminded of this and just wants a cute asexual relationship YOU AREN'T GOING TO LIKE THIS.
but the majority of the reviews I've seen hating this book DNFed it - because this book takes almost the entire time for Vanilla to come to terms with his asexuality and explain it to others, and for those others to understand it. I was over 230 pages into the book that we actually get the word "ASEXUAL." but, again, to me, this made it realistic since most people dont know what asexuality is - and at least for me and several of my asexual friends, it takes AGES to firstly hear the word, and then even longer to finally come to terms with that being your sexuality.
To me this book was wonderful simply because I personally related to it with MY own personal story - my story of boyfriends being assholes about me being on the ace-spectrum, friends never understanding it, and always feeling alone and hating myself because of my sexuality. Other people who haven't experienced that or don't want to re-experience it, aren't going to like this book.
but that is personally how I felt about this book. not all asexual people are going to feel this way, and I'm not speaking for all asexual people, but this is how //I// felt about this book.
4/5stars
Okay, I picked this book up because I heard it was about a teen struggling with their identity as an asexual person, and it was told in verse. After I added it to my "want to read" shelf I heard many things about this book about the aphobia and problematic themes of it, which definitely had me concerned, but I decided to give the book a full chance - and I think people need to read the ENTIRE book before discussing it.
This BOOK is not aphobic - the CHARACTERS are for sure, but there's a very big distinction in that. Billy Merrell, to ME, represented a very realistic asexual character in high school, and I was able to relate 100% to our character Vanilla, but, I also do see the problematic nature of this book especially at the beginning of the book.
Our main character's boyfriend, Hunter, is definitely aphobic. He's constantly trying to push Vanilla into sex, convince him and guilt him into having sex with him, sending him nudes, getting him naked, etc. even when Vanilla is always saying he's not ready or not interested. Our "gang" of gay boys at their school are also aphobic, definitely, at the beginning of this book.
But, by the end of it, when Vanilla has come to understand his sexuality and is able to come out as such and explain it to everyone - some people definitely react in a very aphobic way, but people begin to understand it by the end of the book.
We also get a gender fluid/non-binary character by the end which I thought was WONDERFUL.
But this story was horrifyingly similar to my own. I have honestly always hated my asexuality - I tell people I'm pansexual way before I admit to being on the ace-spectrum BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE REACT THE WAY THESE CHARACTERS DID TO VANILLA. The amount of boys who I liked or dated and immediately didn't like me anymore, didn't understand, or simply didnt CARE when i explained my asexuality is almost every single one of them. I had always been someone whose incredibly uncomfortable with my asexuality, and always been someone who, like Vanilla, tries to shove it down and shove past it to make the people I'm with happy. Vanilla was a character I related to on a level I've never experienced before in a fictional novel.
That being said, I ENJOYED seeing this part of my story - the shitty, aphobic part of being asexual - represented in this book. BUT if YOU are an asexual person who doesn't want to be reminded of this and just wants a cute asexual relationship YOU AREN'T GOING TO LIKE THIS.
but the majority of the reviews I've seen hating this book DNFed it - because this book takes almost the entire time for Vanilla to come to terms with his asexuality and explain it to others, and for those others to understand it. I was over 230 pages into the book that we actually get the word "ASEXUAL." but, again, to me, this made it realistic since most people dont know what asexuality is - and at least for me and several of my asexual friends, it takes AGES to firstly hear the word, and then even longer to finally come to terms with that being your sexuality.
To me this book was wonderful simply because I personally related to it with MY own personal story - my story of boyfriends being assholes about me being on the ace-spectrum, friends never understanding it, and always feeling alone and hating myself because of my sexuality. Other people who haven't experienced that or don't want to re-experience it, aren't going to like this book.
but that is personally how I felt about this book. not all asexual people are going to feel this way, and I'm not speaking for all asexual people, but this is how //I// felt about this book.
July 3, 2017
I'm not the best at writing reviews but I can say honestly that this book was incredibly moving. As someone who identifies as asexual, I remember being constantly confused on why I wasn't feeling what everyone else seemed to. Finally finding a label -- which I know isn't necessary for everyone but that I wanted desperately -- was like reaching a stage of clarity I'd been grasping for since I was 14. 'Vanilla' evoked all these same feelings in me as I was reading. It was like meeting a confused past version of myself that I wanted to hug and say "Everything will be alright."
Every part of Vanilla's, Hunter's and Clown/Angel's character development was beautiful and heartbreaking to see. Because discovering who you are can be difficult, especially when you're a teenager. From beginning to end, 'Vanilla' had me hooked and I'm so glad it exists.
Every part of Vanilla's, Hunter's and Clown/Angel's character development was beautiful and heartbreaking to see. Because discovering who you are can be difficult, especially when you're a teenager. From beginning to end, 'Vanilla' had me hooked and I'm so glad it exists.
avoid-book-reasons
June 25, 2017If you're an ace person looking for a validating book, then steer clear of this one. This review excerpts some passages that are really troubling and offensive, as they reaffirm harmful stereotypes and attitudes towards ace people.
April 9, 2022
i read this book in 2018 and i will always remember it, because it was my first time encountering an asexual protagonist. it was my first time learning about asexuality at all, and i didn’t realize that the label applied to me at the time, not right away. but this book played a significant part in my journey, and it will always hold a special place in my heart <3
October 17, 2020
I love the cover and the title, they’re both so sweet and cute. The story isn’t though, it’s like real life, sometimes sweet but incredibly harsh at other times. So don’t pick this book only because of the cover, it can feel like a betrayal.
Once in a while I come across a book that is controversial. Books that people rate one star because of hear and say, not because they read or finished it. And I do admit there are books that I don’t want to read because of its controversy or because of the author. But it doesn’t feel right to me to rate a book one star if I haven’t read it. Simply because I don’t want to downgrade a story when I only read a blurb or some reviews.
I got curious when I found out about Vanilla and saw the controversy on Goodreads. I decided to read the preview and I got hooked on the story immediately. Because of the verses, because of the two (later three) POV’s and especially because of the things that weren’t said at the beginning. I like stories where you can feel what’s happening without being that explicit.
Like I said this story is harsh. It’s about finding your identity and sexuality. It’s about doubts, wanting to belong, not standing out, wanting to be loved, wanting sex, not wanting sex. Vanilla struggles and Hunter does too. In different ways. Hunter pushes, sometimes far too much and when he says: ‘You want to do it eventually, even if you’re not ready yet’, Vanilla doesn’t know how to react. This story is about two teens who have been together for a lifetime, started their relationship as two sweet young teens and are growing apart. Slowly Vanilla realizes he doesn’t want to have sex because he’s ace.
When I read the book I asked myself what teens know about being ace. If they know what being ace is. So I asked my own teens (17 and 15). ‘Yeah I know what it means’, they both said (I had to use the word asexual though). I kept asking and my seventeen year old said, ‘Well, there’s an a before sexual, I suppose it’s a person who doesn’t like sex’. My fifteen year old had seen an episode of Sex Education. So they understand the meaning of the word but I don’t think they really understand what being ace means. And I’m sure they’re not the only ones.
Teens in this story are ignorant and sometimes real assholes. Vanilla has to deal with them and with his own unclear feelings. I know a lot of readers don’t like Hunter but I have a soft spot for him. He’s far from perfect but I can feel his love for Vanilla throughout the story and his insecurity about Vanilla’s love for him. I was surprised when Clown’s voice was added. A different view on the boys’ relationship. I loved the verses from all POV’s even though they dragged on a little from time to time and their voices weren’t that different; how they looked at their lives and the world around them was way different though. This is a book I couldn’t rush through because it made me reflect, on myself, on my kids, on the world around us. How we project our own feelings, our wishes, our dreams so easily on others. How we want others to do what we want. So although I don’t think this book is perfect, I loved it.
Once in a while I come across a book that is controversial. Books that people rate one star because of hear and say, not because they read or finished it. And I do admit there are books that I don’t want to read because of its controversy or because of the author. But it doesn’t feel right to me to rate a book one star if I haven’t read it. Simply because I don’t want to downgrade a story when I only read a blurb or some reviews.
I got curious when I found out about Vanilla and saw the controversy on Goodreads. I decided to read the preview and I got hooked on the story immediately. Because of the verses, because of the two (later three) POV’s and especially because of the things that weren’t said at the beginning. I like stories where you can feel what’s happening without being that explicit.
Like I said this story is harsh. It’s about finding your identity and sexuality. It’s about doubts, wanting to belong, not standing out, wanting to be loved, wanting sex, not wanting sex. Vanilla struggles and Hunter does too. In different ways. Hunter pushes, sometimes far too much and when he says: ‘You want to do it eventually, even if you’re not ready yet’, Vanilla doesn’t know how to react. This story is about two teens who have been together for a lifetime, started their relationship as two sweet young teens and are growing apart. Slowly Vanilla realizes he doesn’t want to have sex because he’s ace.
When I read the book I asked myself what teens know about being ace. If they know what being ace is. So I asked my own teens (17 and 15). ‘Yeah I know what it means’, they both said (I had to use the word asexual though). I kept asking and my seventeen year old said, ‘Well, there’s an a before sexual, I suppose it’s a person who doesn’t like sex’. My fifteen year old had seen an episode of Sex Education. So they understand the meaning of the word but I don’t think they really understand what being ace means. And I’m sure they’re not the only ones.
Teens in this story are ignorant and sometimes real assholes. Vanilla has to deal with them and with his own unclear feelings. I know a lot of readers don’t like Hunter but I have a soft spot for him. He’s far from perfect but I can feel his love for Vanilla throughout the story and his insecurity about Vanilla’s love for him. I was surprised when Clown’s voice was added. A different view on the boys’ relationship. I loved the verses from all POV’s even though they dragged on a little from time to time and their voices weren’t that different; how they looked at their lives and the world around them was way different though. This is a book I couldn’t rush through because it made me reflect, on myself, on my kids, on the world around us. How we project our own feelings, our wishes, our dreams so easily on others. How we want others to do what we want. So although I don’t think this book is perfect, I loved it.
never-going-to-read
June 25, 2017Vanilla is severely aphobic. An #ownvoices asexual reviewer read Vanilla in its entirety, and she has detailed all the problematic aspects of the book in the review I've linked below. Trigger warning for aphobia and rape culture.
"Review: Vanilla by Billy Merrell" by Taylor (Stay on the Page)
"Review: Vanilla by Billy Merrell" by Taylor (Stay on the Page)
November 29, 2017
loved this book. it played with my emotions and i loved it
as for the "its aphobic" comments, all i can say it that they literally, LITERALLY, judged the book by its cover. this is an amazing book that shines a light on asexuality and gender fluidity in ways I've never seen before. I'm very glad i read this and if you're interested in some one-shot lgbtq+ lit, this is a good one.
as for the "its aphobic" comments, all i can say it that they literally, LITERALLY, judged the book by its cover. this is an amazing book that shines a light on asexuality and gender fluidity in ways I've never seen before. I'm very glad i read this and if you're interested in some one-shot lgbtq+ lit, this is a good one.
Read
June 25, 2017Turns out this book is aphobic, this review explains it thoroughly: https://stayonthepage.wordpress.com/2...
Read
November 23, 2017DNF at 70ish%.
Acephobic, confusing, boring, the entire book is about sex, no thanks.
Acephobic, confusing, boring, the entire book is about sex, no thanks.
July 28, 2017
Many YA authors are tackling the issues, emotions, and journeys of teens as they discover their identity but asexuality is still rare in any character, let alone a protagonist. I was excited, nay, thrilled to hear there would be representation in the form of an ace teenager who is still figuring himself out with bumps in road, as with any LGBT+ experience. Overall, I hoped it could lead to a inspiring moment for readers who had never had someone to identify with in literature and were seeking validation.
Vanilla slapped me in the face and called me names. As the book progresses, it becomes evident that Vanilla is in an abusive relationship with Hunter and needs to defend himself to nearly everyone he encounters. This was an emotionally difficult book to read as it calls into question everything being ace means and offers no counterpoints.
How would an ace teen feel after having their fears laid out in front of them with no one to turn to? As teens are certainly the target audience, this is a damaging work that would do more harm than good. Yes, we want ace representation, but not like that. This would not strike so hard if there were more resources to look to, but... this is it. This is the first major look at asexuality in YA lit and it invalidates ace persons whenever it gets the chance.
After I realized things were not getting better, I set the book aside and turned to the much discussed blog review from Stay on the Page. As suspected, the book continues to delve more deeply into its aphobia and offers only a small exchange of understanding by the conclusion (which the blog entry author rightly refers to as "adding more insult to injury" due to its lack of page time).
We can do better.
Vanilla slapped me in the face and called me names. As the book progresses, it becomes evident that Vanilla is in an abusive relationship with Hunter and needs to defend himself to nearly everyone he encounters. This was an emotionally difficult book to read as it calls into question everything being ace means and offers no counterpoints.
How would an ace teen feel after having their fears laid out in front of them with no one to turn to? As teens are certainly the target audience, this is a damaging work that would do more harm than good. Yes, we want ace representation, but not like that. This would not strike so hard if there were more resources to look to, but... this is it. This is the first major look at asexuality in YA lit and it invalidates ace persons whenever it gets the chance.
After I realized things were not getting better, I set the book aside and turned to the much discussed blog review from Stay on the Page. As suspected, the book continues to delve more deeply into its aphobia and offers only a small exchange of understanding by the conclusion (which the blog entry author rightly refers to as "adding more insult to injury" due to its lack of page time).
We can do better.
March 7, 2019
3.5 stars
What I liked most about this book was the representation. There are quite a few gay characters, an asexual romantic gay boy and also a non-binary person. So much diversity is very important in books, especially because it's something we don't often find. It's always a good occasion to learn and understand more and I'm very grateful for that.
I loved the fact that the book was written in verse because it's a writing style I truly enjoy reading every once in a while. I think that this book dragged a little bit in some points and that's why I'm giving it this rating.
What I liked most about this book was the representation. There are quite a few gay characters, an asexual romantic gay boy and also a non-binary person. So much diversity is very important in books, especially because it's something we don't often find. It's always a good occasion to learn and understand more and I'm very grateful for that.
I loved the fact that the book was written in verse because it's a writing style I truly enjoy reading every once in a while. I think that this book dragged a little bit in some points and that's why I'm giving it this rating.
March 22, 2018
This was not an easy book for me to read. First of all, it was really, really hard for me to get into it at first- to the point where I DNF-ed initially, picking it up only after about three months. I'd been toying with the idea of picking it back up for a few days before I actually plucked up the courage to do it. It was tiresome at first, a chore. I didn't care for the characters, I wasn't invested in the story, everything seemed bleak and awful.
Fortunately, as the pages flew, I found myself slowly starting to "get the gist" of it all. There were times I was still left deeply uncomfortable because, if there's something I don't like, it's reading a book where I can't feel anything purely positive for any of the characters. This was the case for me, and it sucked.
The topic of the story is growing up, growing apart, moving on. And once we've made peace with the fact that this is how life goes, this is a natural process in a person's life, then maybe try to build something new, different, but maybe stronger in its authenticity.
Hunter and Vanilla have been together forever, after a small eternity of being friends, but it feels like, initially, they got together for the wrong reasons, and it's taken them both too long to figure out. But they have to (and they do) if they want any chance at happiness, at peace with themselves, with each other. If I had to use only one word to describe what this book deals with is (re)definition. Hunter and Vanilla have to look at the consequences of their failed relationship - a relationship that's gone for so long that both characters admit they don't really know who they are outside of it once it's over, so that's what they have to figure out to start with- and then, from the debris of what once was, they have to discover what they want to build instead.
Honestly, the way this story is built is pretty brilliant. What needs to be taken into account here is this: Vanilla wasn't wrong, but he wasn't right. Hunter wasn't wrong, but he wasn't right either. I may have a lot to say about how I found it hard to connect with the characters (even when I saw the point in both sides of the story, I never really bought into either side), but I can appreciate how complex and blurry and gray it all was. That was really interesting, in this kind of story.
So, even though the start made for a bumpy ride, and ultimately I was never 100% behind this, I have to say that some of my faith in humanity is restored, cause this ended up being more complex and interesting than I was expecting (I'm still low-key bummed cause I had a lot of hope and expectations and while not everything was bad, I was left a bit let down after all).
3.5 stars, but it deserves the round up.
ORIGINAL REVIEW (READ FROM MARCH 15TH TO MARCH 23RD)
DNF (for now, at least) @ page 63. It took me 5 days to read 60 pages, guys. It should be obvious something isn't working here. I'm undecided whether I'll be picking this up eventually or if it's goodbye, that's why I'm not rating it. But I just don't have the energy to do this. So far, It's all running in circles never going anywhere so... Yeah.
Read
August 20, 2017I found this book troubling. There are a lot of painful misconceptions about asexuality to slog through — and slog I did, hoping against hope that they’d be adequately corrected over the course of the narrative. They weren’t.
This is a multi-voiced narrative, in which two characters--Vanilla, who is ace, and Hunter, who is pressuring Vanilla to have sex with him--get equal space on the page. The narrative presents the characters’ supposed sexual incompatibility as the cause of their break-up and as a situation in which both points of view are equally sympathetic. From Hunter’s POV, there’s a lot of the sentiment that if only Vanilla had discovered the label ‘asexual’ sooner, they wouldn’t have gotten into this mess … as if that’s really what the problem was. As if it ever would have been okay for Hunter to pressure his boyfriend into having sex. In including and validating Hunter's perspective, the narrative repeatedly forgives his sense of entitlement to sex and blatant manipulation of his partner.
I’m also perplexed by the decision to nickname an ace character for an inherently sexual term for non-kinky sex. I don’t know that anyone would refer to non-sexual intimacy as “vanilla.”
This is a multi-voiced narrative, in which two characters--Vanilla, who is ace, and Hunter, who is pressuring Vanilla to have sex with him--get equal space on the page. The narrative presents the characters’ supposed sexual incompatibility as the cause of their break-up and as a situation in which both points of view are equally sympathetic. From Hunter’s POV, there’s a lot of the sentiment that if only Vanilla had discovered the label ‘asexual’ sooner, they wouldn’t have gotten into this mess … as if that’s really what the problem was. As if it ever would have been okay for Hunter to pressure his boyfriend into having sex. In including and validating Hunter's perspective, the narrative repeatedly forgives his sense of entitlement to sex and blatant manipulation of his partner.
I’m also perplexed by the decision to nickname an ace character for an inherently sexual term for non-kinky sex. I don’t know that anyone would refer to non-sexual intimacy as “vanilla.”
September 9, 2017
Will never read because of the caution warnings for acephobia and rape culture explained in this #ownvoices ace review.
December 19, 2017
Full disclosure: I initially picked up this book because of the beautiful cover. I’m so glad that I did, because it was such an interesting read. It’s told in verse, from multiple perspectives, and the primary focus is a young gay couple experiencing some growing pains in their long-term relationship. Loved the perspective I gained in reading about Vanilla, Hunter, and their friends... and I also loved how often I saw aspects of my own experience in their journey, even though they aren’t similar at all on paper. Some aspects of the human experience are universal; other aspects, we can understand more by listening/reading. It was powerful to see both in this novel.
July 10, 2017
"How can you do that to a person, fill them so up with love that they're full. And then let them go?"
I absolutely adore books that are written in verse. It makes you appreciate the flow and love that it brings into your life.
A lot of people were talking about this book and it's one of the most anticipated books coming out in October. I had to get my hands on this.
From the cover to the synopsis, I already knew that I was going to fall in love with Vanilla and Hunter. The love that they share and the hardships their relationship will face. It reminds you of when you were young and in love. Relationships aren't perfect but we all want them to be.
Any young relationship has the stress of pressure. One wants something and the other is still unsure. It happens with a lot of relationships. It usually ends in one giving up and letting the pressure win. I love Vanilla for sticking to his gut feeling and not letting anyone pressure him into something he wasn't comfortable/ready to do.
There were a few problems that sprang up a few times, but it doesn't make this story unbearable. If you're a sucker for love and finding yourself, then this is the book for you.
Don't ever let anyone change you. ❤️
I absolutely adore books that are written in verse. It makes you appreciate the flow and love that it brings into your life.
A lot of people were talking about this book and it's one of the most anticipated books coming out in October. I had to get my hands on this.
From the cover to the synopsis, I already knew that I was going to fall in love with Vanilla and Hunter. The love that they share and the hardships their relationship will face. It reminds you of when you were young and in love. Relationships aren't perfect but we all want them to be.
Any young relationship has the stress of pressure. One wants something and the other is still unsure. It happens with a lot of relationships. It usually ends in one giving up and letting the pressure win. I love Vanilla for sticking to his gut feeling and not letting anyone pressure him into something he wasn't comfortable/ready to do.
There were a few problems that sprang up a few times, but it doesn't make this story unbearable. If you're a sucker for love and finding yourself, then this is the book for you.
Don't ever let anyone change you. ❤️
June 24, 2020
*** This review contains both spoilers and rants ***
Rating: 🌟 (1/5 stars).
A few years ago I found this book in a thrift shop for like a euro and I wanted to try to read it. Back then I was already aware of the controversials surrounding this book and that many people have regarded it as aphobic. The fact that it was written in verse is probably also a reason why this book intrigued me. Somehow I still wanted to read it so I bought it. I probably wouldn't have picked up this book if it wasn't my tbr jar pick for this month (June 2020). But I hate to say this (actually I don't) but y'all were right this book is bad and has a severe phobia towards asexuality & here's why:
I absolutely dnf'ed this book because I couldn't deal with the ace phobia anymore. It was truly that bad. It truly made me sad since it was full of the little things asexual people face every day and that I've faced myself. The constant making fun, the misunderstanding and misinterpretations, saying aphobic shit of asexuality is simply just so damaging.
Hunter is constantly pushing vanilla for sex and constantly tries to have sex with his boyfriend he claims to love even though le boyfriend says he isn't ready to have sex or blatantly says no. Like hunter constantly pushes him and is literally one of those disgusting people that no means yes. Hunter constantly spouts bullshit about like that & that even though vanilla says no but he actually wants it which I can see in his eyes. JUST NO. THAT IS SIMPLY GROSS, OFFENSIVE AND TRULY ALARMING! Besides, he supposedly loves and cares for his boyfriend soooo much (the author constantly tells us that) but he never once asks or thinks about vanilla's wants. It is all about his needs and wants. He didn't even fucking asked his boyfriend why he doesn't want to have sex or why he is hesitant about it. He also didn't even try to have a conversation with vanilla about it. He just simply constantly pushes for having sex without thinking about vanilla.
Besides, none of the characters were that compelling. I didn't really care for or about any of them. Maybe I did care a tiny bit for vanilla because he definitely didn't deserve all the crap people gave him.
Calling an asexual character vanilla is actually quite fucking damaging and shit ace or aro people gave daily. It could have been an attempt to be very literary or a metaphor or something but it in all honesty came across as fucking offensive. Also saying vanilla was pure, sweet, innocent felt very icky to me.
And everything felt so stereotypical in an offensive way.
There is also a gang of gay/queer/LGBTQ+ dudes and somehow it was okay how they constantly flashed people their dicks or called everybody girl (which is quite harmful for trans and non-binary people). They also invited and tagged people that they thought were queer on their social media without even considering that they could out people or that they tagged people who weren't out and somehow that was okay??? Also, the gang was only accepting of queer dudes and not like queer girls. Besides, the whole gang was so overly sexual and kind of harassing people which kind of enforces the harmful stereotype of gay man. Also, only vanilla and in some minuscule ways red found this was not okay, everybody else either laughed it off or joined them. Like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???
Also, calling clown angel later on doesn't really sit well with me either. Clown is struggling with their identity/gender (they may be non-binary, genderfluid or genderqueer) and I believe clown does drag and had the name angel. If this book didn't have those many other issue I probably wouldn't be so upset about it but here it kind of just gives me the offensive vibe again.
Besides, the verse elements weren't even that good and I found it quite annoying that the book suddenly added random povs into it without clearly stating whose pov it was. Those random povs weren't even necessary but they also enforced the asecual phobia towards vanilla.
Books like these make people go like it should have been written by a own voices author. It almost made me say that too. I am all for people writing about different cultures, ethnicities, disabilities, sexualities etcetera that differ from the writer as long as it is done respectfully. And to be honest this wasn't respectful ace representation in anyway. And this is coming from someone who is not only queer but also on the ace/demi spectrum.
So don't do it, don't read it. It is so not worth the read and like the LGBTQ+ representation wasn't even good; it was quite harmful to say the least & especially the asexuality representation. I definitely understand now that someone unhauled this book and donated it to a thrift shop/store. I might do that too.
Rating: 🌟 (1/5 stars).
A few years ago I found this book in a thrift shop for like a euro and I wanted to try to read it. Back then I was already aware of the controversials surrounding this book and that many people have regarded it as aphobic. The fact that it was written in verse is probably also a reason why this book intrigued me. Somehow I still wanted to read it so I bought it. I probably wouldn't have picked up this book if it wasn't my tbr jar pick for this month (June 2020). But I hate to say this (actually I don't) but y'all were right this book is bad and has a severe phobia towards asexuality & here's why:
I absolutely dnf'ed this book because I couldn't deal with the ace phobia anymore. It was truly that bad. It truly made me sad since it was full of the little things asexual people face every day and that I've faced myself. The constant making fun, the misunderstanding and misinterpretations, saying aphobic shit of asexuality is simply just so damaging.
Hunter is constantly pushing vanilla for sex and constantly tries to have sex with his boyfriend he claims to love even though le boyfriend says he isn't ready to have sex or blatantly says no. Like hunter constantly pushes him and is literally one of those disgusting people that no means yes. Hunter constantly spouts bullshit about like that & that even though vanilla says no but he actually wants it which I can see in his eyes. JUST NO. THAT IS SIMPLY GROSS, OFFENSIVE AND TRULY ALARMING! Besides, he supposedly loves and cares for his boyfriend soooo much (the author constantly tells us that) but he never once asks or thinks about vanilla's wants. It is all about his needs and wants. He didn't even fucking asked his boyfriend why he doesn't want to have sex or why he is hesitant about it. He also didn't even try to have a conversation with vanilla about it. He just simply constantly pushes for having sex without thinking about vanilla.
Besides, none of the characters were that compelling. I didn't really care for or about any of them. Maybe I did care a tiny bit for vanilla because he definitely didn't deserve all the crap people gave him.
Calling an asexual character vanilla is actually quite fucking damaging and shit ace or aro people gave daily. It could have been an attempt to be very literary or a metaphor or something but it in all honesty came across as fucking offensive. Also saying vanilla was pure, sweet, innocent felt very icky to me.
And everything felt so stereotypical in an offensive way.
There is also a gang of gay/queer/LGBTQ+ dudes and somehow it was okay how they constantly flashed people their dicks or called everybody girl (which is quite harmful for trans and non-binary people). They also invited and tagged people that they thought were queer on their social media without even considering that they could out people or that they tagged people who weren't out and somehow that was okay??? Also, the gang was only accepting of queer dudes and not like queer girls. Besides, the whole gang was so overly sexual and kind of harassing people which kind of enforces the harmful stereotype of gay man. Also, only vanilla and in some minuscule ways red found this was not okay, everybody else either laughed it off or joined them. Like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK???
Also, calling clown angel later on doesn't really sit well with me either. Clown is struggling with their identity/gender (they may be non-binary, genderfluid or genderqueer) and I believe clown does drag and had the name angel. If this book didn't have those many other issue I probably wouldn't be so upset about it but here it kind of just gives me the offensive vibe again.
Besides, the verse elements weren't even that good and I found it quite annoying that the book suddenly added random povs into it without clearly stating whose pov it was. Those random povs weren't even necessary but they also enforced the asecual phobia towards vanilla.
Books like these make people go like it should have been written by a own voices author. It almost made me say that too. I am all for people writing about different cultures, ethnicities, disabilities, sexualities etcetera that differ from the writer as long as it is done respectfully. And to be honest this wasn't respectful ace representation in anyway. And this is coming from someone who is not only queer but also on the ace/demi spectrum.
So don't do it, don't read it. It is so not worth the read and like the LGBTQ+ representation wasn't even good; it was quite harmful to say the least & especially the asexuality representation. I definitely understand now that someone unhauled this book and donated it to a thrift shop/store. I might do that too.
December 16, 2017
The only sound in the room is the monotonous hum of the computer cart. Everyone’s head is stuck in their books or doing homework. The room is stuffy like usual with wisps of outside air cutting through the classroom. I turn the page, mad, but wanting to read more. I feel a tap on my shoulder from behind. I turn around and the kid who taps my shoulder speaks.
“What happened in Vanilla now?” they say. This has been the 5th time in six minutes that they’ve asked me that! Ever since I told my classmates, on page five, how good Vanilla by Billy Merrell is, they’ve all been along for the emotional rollercoaster that this book takes you on.
Vanilla tells the story of two boys, Hunter and Vanilla (Vanilla is not his real name but a nickname given to him by Hunter. Originally, it refers to his smell, but later, to his lack of sex) who have been dating since 7th grade. Now they’re in senior year and Hunter really wants to have sex. Vanilla does not and the two of them have to figure out what this means for their relationship as well as individually. The conflict stretches beyond this couple’s argument and gets to the heart of who the characters really are as well as looping in a few more supporting characters. The book is told from three perspectives: Vanilla, Hunter, and Clown (Clown is a member of a group of gay boys who pick on Vanilla and host parties). Each character is given a different font, and although the style of writing (which is incredibly written verse, by the way) doesn't differ too much from character to character, the way that each character looks at the world is drastically different. This story of figuring out what love is (both platonic and not) will bring you on a journey full of every emotion under the sun.
Finishing this book at 12 AM, after reading the whole thing in practically two days, I was awestruck. Writing a novel is a large challenge, writing a novel in verse, carefully choosing each word, thinking about rhythm all the time is an even bigger challenge. But Billy Merrell tackles this challenge, producing a captivating voice to fit the beautiful tale. Writing this book review, I agonized for over an hour on what quote to use to sample Merrell’s writing because the whole book is so good! So I flipped to a random page, and chose this quote, where Vanilla is describing lying next to Hunter.
The way his warmth becomes mine,
his shape mine as we lie like a landscape,
body and breath, land and sky.
close,
yet blissfully separate.
Interestingly, every single character that we meet in the book is queer, showing that there is more than the one stereotypical way to be an identity. So often when queer characters are portrayed in the media, they fall into a stereotypical version of their identities (i.e the manic pixie dream trans girl). That’s not to say that people who present in that way are less valid; it’s just a nice change to see someone different (i.e an assigned male at birth nonbinary person). The book also does a good job at explaining certain queer identities for people who don’t know what they are, as well as keeping readers who have heard the terms used before engaged. For example, when Vanilla explains asexuality to himself, he says,
I kept thinking
this is not disorder
but order
This is not disease
But ease
If there is a word
for this stillness
Then I am not trapped
One thing that stood out to me was that so rarely do I see YA books that explore platonic love. The books always have to do with whoever is kissing or having sex with who. But having Clown as an outsider perspective on Vanilla and Hunter’s relationship and another level to the story by showing that friends can be just as important as romantic partners. In the short space of a Goodreads post and the deadline for turning this book review in for school, I can’t begin to explain how amazing this book was and will always be. In the 30 hours since finishing this book, I have recommended it to over 31 people, so practically everyone I’ve had a conversation with. And I most definitely would recommend this to you!
“What happened in Vanilla now?” they say. This has been the 5th time in six minutes that they’ve asked me that! Ever since I told my classmates, on page five, how good Vanilla by Billy Merrell is, they’ve all been along for the emotional rollercoaster that this book takes you on.
Vanilla tells the story of two boys, Hunter and Vanilla (Vanilla is not his real name but a nickname given to him by Hunter. Originally, it refers to his smell, but later, to his lack of sex) who have been dating since 7th grade. Now they’re in senior year and Hunter really wants to have sex. Vanilla does not and the two of them have to figure out what this means for their relationship as well as individually. The conflict stretches beyond this couple’s argument and gets to the heart of who the characters really are as well as looping in a few more supporting characters. The book is told from three perspectives: Vanilla, Hunter, and Clown (Clown is a member of a group of gay boys who pick on Vanilla and host parties). Each character is given a different font, and although the style of writing (which is incredibly written verse, by the way) doesn't differ too much from character to character, the way that each character looks at the world is drastically different. This story of figuring out what love is (both platonic and not) will bring you on a journey full of every emotion under the sun.
Finishing this book at 12 AM, after reading the whole thing in practically two days, I was awestruck. Writing a novel is a large challenge, writing a novel in verse, carefully choosing each word, thinking about rhythm all the time is an even bigger challenge. But Billy Merrell tackles this challenge, producing a captivating voice to fit the beautiful tale. Writing this book review, I agonized for over an hour on what quote to use to sample Merrell’s writing because the whole book is so good! So I flipped to a random page, and chose this quote, where Vanilla is describing lying next to Hunter.
The way his warmth becomes mine,
his shape mine as we lie like a landscape,
body and breath, land and sky.
close,
yet blissfully separate.
Interestingly, every single character that we meet in the book is queer, showing that there is more than the one stereotypical way to be an identity. So often when queer characters are portrayed in the media, they fall into a stereotypical version of their identities (i.e the manic pixie dream trans girl). That’s not to say that people who present in that way are less valid; it’s just a nice change to see someone different (i.e an assigned male at birth nonbinary person). The book also does a good job at explaining certain queer identities for people who don’t know what they are, as well as keeping readers who have heard the terms used before engaged. For example, when Vanilla explains asexuality to himself, he says,
I kept thinking
this is not disorder
but order
This is not disease
But ease
If there is a word
for this stillness
Then I am not trapped
One thing that stood out to me was that so rarely do I see YA books that explore platonic love. The books always have to do with whoever is kissing or having sex with who. But having Clown as an outsider perspective on Vanilla and Hunter’s relationship and another level to the story by showing that friends can be just as important as romantic partners. In the short space of a Goodreads post and the deadline for turning this book review in for school, I can’t begin to explain how amazing this book was and will always be. In the 30 hours since finishing this book, I have recommended it to over 31 people, so practically everyone I’ve had a conversation with. And I most definitely would recommend this to you!
January 6, 2019
This book was actually what got me into LGBTQ+ books it made me cry because I felt everything in this book i was honestly screaming at the pages at one point
July 18, 2017
DNF. I love the beginning of this book. It captures youthful love very well. But once the pressure for sex on an ace character built up, I didn't want to read anymore. Seeing other reviews mentioning that the book gets worse from there in terms of ace-phobic plot and language, I just decided to cherish the beginning of the book and back away.
not-for-me
June 25, 2017I will not be reading this due to its aphobia https://stayonthepage.wordpress.com/2...
hell-no
June 25, 2017You couldn't pay me enough to read this.
REASON: acephobia (details in this review)
REASON: acephobia (details in this review)
January 14, 2018
My goal this year, in absolute honesty, is to try and step out of my comfort zone. I'm a predictable reader. I like YA, I like Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Classics, and I like nonfiction. I tend to not stray out of what I like, and I think overall that hurts me as being a comprehensive reader.
So I decided I was going to give this book a try. Written in prose that resembles poetry more than any kind of traditional narrative structure, I thought hey, if I like it, I like it. And if I don't, it's okay.
I didn't like it.
It's not even that I didn't like it. It's just that I felt the great premise was absolutely wasted on the prose. I'm all for flowery language, interesting and artistic types of narrative, and books that distinguish themselves uniquely. But why even bother to construct a narrative in a book that never develops characters, doesn't really distinguish the plot itself, and is just kind of a muddled mess of poetry that isn't even comprehensible at times. I get the feeling that even if I did enjoy poetry, I wouldn't enjoy the disjointed, staccato kind found in this book.
And more than anything else, I'm sad for all of this, because I wanted to read this story. I was interested in these characters, and the plot, and I felt like this book could have been something special added to the ranks of LGBTQ YA. And we can never have enough of that.
But in the end, this was just a waste of time and money.
I mean truly, I wasn't even sure which character we were following at times, or what was going on, or how it all related to the book's supposed plot.
Still, hey, on a positive note, I rather like the book cover ...
So I decided I was going to give this book a try. Written in prose that resembles poetry more than any kind of traditional narrative structure, I thought hey, if I like it, I like it. And if I don't, it's okay.
I didn't like it.
It's not even that I didn't like it. It's just that I felt the great premise was absolutely wasted on the prose. I'm all for flowery language, interesting and artistic types of narrative, and books that distinguish themselves uniquely. But why even bother to construct a narrative in a book that never develops characters, doesn't really distinguish the plot itself, and is just kind of a muddled mess of poetry that isn't even comprehensible at times. I get the feeling that even if I did enjoy poetry, I wouldn't enjoy the disjointed, staccato kind found in this book.
And more than anything else, I'm sad for all of this, because I wanted to read this story. I was interested in these characters, and the plot, and I felt like this book could have been something special added to the ranks of LGBTQ YA. And we can never have enough of that.
But in the end, this was just a waste of time and money.
I mean truly, I wasn't even sure which character we were following at times, or what was going on, or how it all related to the book's supposed plot.
Still, hey, on a positive note, I rather like the book cover ...
October 23, 2017
I received an unsolicited review copy of this book among several and because I felt like I owed the publisher at least one review for all the books they sent me that I wasn't interested in, I decided to check this one out simply because it was a verse novel.
Now, I've heard beforehand that this book is problematic and as someone who identifies in the ace spectrum, I agree that it definitely is. But having this information before diving into this book helped me steel myself and set my expectations as low as possible and surprisingly, I was able to appreciate some parts of the book.
Full review to come.
Now, I've heard beforehand that this book is problematic and as someone who identifies in the ace spectrum, I agree that it definitely is. But having this information before diving into this book helped me steel myself and set my expectations as low as possible and surprisingly, I was able to appreciate some parts of the book.
Full review to come.
August 3, 2021
I was so surprised by how much I enjoyed this book.
I was so well written and really does a great job at exploring the complexities of sexuality, sexual identity and what it means to find yourself.
I was so well written and really does a great job at exploring the complexities of sexuality, sexual identity and what it means to find yourself.
Want to Read
May 25, 2018DNR
November 2, 2022
Vanilla is a beautiful story.
Although at times it felt a bit cringey, I reminded myself that we were all a bit cringey, specially when we are teenagers figuring out friendship and love.
Although at times it felt a bit cringey, I reminded myself that we were all a bit cringey, specially when we are teenagers figuring out friendship and love.
October 27, 2017
Check out this, other reviews, and fun bookish things on my young adult book blog, Here's to Happy Endings!
Boy this is a hard review to write.
Vanilla has been getting a bit of backlash from the book community lately, and I wasn't sure why - I mean, don't get me wrong, the book isn't perfect, but as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I can't say that I was incredibly offended by it as others were. I'm in no way invalidating their opinions on the book, or any issues at all that they might have with it - in fact, I kind of liked reading the good and the bad reviews for this one after I had finished reading, and I really agree with some of the things that people have said, both positive and negative.
As an adult who has been out as bisexual since I was sixteen, I've always been comfortable with who I am, even if there have been people in my life who haven't agreed with it (and trust me, there have been). I spent a few years trying to figure things out for myself, and those were a trying few years to be honest - I really don't talk about it much because I was severely depressed and and went through some other things during that time period as well. I'm 28 now, and when I was a teenager, there weren't a lot of LGBTQ+ books to choose from, and to be honest, I think this book would have been a really nice read when I was struggling with things back then. As an adult, I read so many queer books, and I'm pretty judgemental about them.
Do I think Vanilla is the most beneficial book? No.
Do I think Vanilla is one of the better books out there? No.
Do I think Vanilla is harmful and to be avoided at all costs? Again, no.
In fact, I think that the author had a really good plan for this book - a really good idea that he wanted to implement and a story that he wanted to tell. I just think that along the way, some things got included that might be a little...well...offensive. Like the character being called Vanilla, for starters. But I'll touch more on that in a few moments.
But here's the thing - I've found other books that some people rave about to be a bit offensive, too - everyone is going to find a few of them in their lifetime if you read enough. I'm not trying to make excuses here, because like I said earlier, I honestly believe that the author of this book wrote a good story. In fact, I loved the overall story. I thought it shed light on a lot of things and gave us a look into what it means to not only be a part of a long lasting couple, but also a couple that is slowly growing apart, and what it feels like to make a discovery about yourself, as part of that couple, while trying to come to terms with who you are.
Hunter and Vanilla have been in love for ages - they started out as good friends, and realized that they had feelings for each other - feelings that they couldn't (and didn't want to) fight. So they went with it, and began a relationship that has always proven to be the one constant thing for both of them.
However, Hunter has been wanting sex more and more, and while Vanilla doesn't want it right now - he wants to spend more time just being in love with each other before they commit to that level, so he tries to make Hunter understand. And while Hunter does understand, or at least tries to, he doesn't know how much longer he can go without it. So he starts pushing Vanilla away and finding new friends, talking to other guys online, and trying to figure out what he really wants in life. Meanwhile, Vanilla spends some time trying to figure out why he doesn't want sex - is it just because he isn't ready? Or is sex something that he just isn't all that interested in? When Hunter starts to push Vanilla away more and more, they start to wonder if their relationship can take it.
Also in the story is a character named Clown/Angel (name change halfway through the book), who is also coming to terms with identity while swallowing his feelings for Hunter. Eventually, after things start to go downhill with Vanilla and Hunter, Clown/Angel is the one that is constantly there for Vanilla, telling him that maybe his lack of interest in sex might not be something that is a bad thing, but maybe that he is actually asexual.
I wish we had actually had the chance to get to know the characters outside of their nicknames in the book - for example, we never learn Vanilla's true name, just that it's something that Hunter made up for him because he felt that Vanilla was...well...Vanilla. I really hate that we don't get down on a personal level with the characters in that aspect...and I also really disliked the fact that we refer to Vanilla as such throughout the entire book...and of course, it makes it out to be like the lack of sex that Vanilla is willing to have with Hunter is the exact reason that he is called Vanilla - you know, boring and not willing to get crazy, that kind of thing - it really should have been more thought out before the book was even finished, you know? That was one of those things that could have been done a hell of a lot better.
I loved that the book was written in verse, though. It was really interesting to read the book that way - I've read a few others that are set up like this and I think that for a lot of them, it really adds an extra level of depth to the novel. I felt like that was the case in Vanilla, as well.
One thing I didn't care much for was the points of view. At first, we have the viewpoints of Hunter and Vanilla, which are told in different fonts (I think Hunter's was bold, if it I'm not mistaken). Later in the book, we have the viewpoint of Clown/Angel, and at times I had a difficult time distinguishing between the three, but mostly between Vanilla and Clown/Angel. There aren't any actual names on top of the pages when the viewpoints change or anything, which can really cause some confusion.
Vanilla really has some problems, sure, but I mean, the book isn't terrible. To be honest, for the first 80 pages or so, I was really enjoying the book, and even after I finished it I liked it a lot, and then I began to see the problems that it had, and it really started to grate on me. I don't think this is the worst book in the world (trust me, I've seen some reallllly bad ones), but I also think that things could have been done a lot better so not to be as downright mean (such as the nickname Vanilla - I mean, come on). But underneath all of that, a reader can really find a love story that unravels as both main characters (and later the third) are forced to come to terms with who they are and what they want, all while trying to maintain friendship.
Note: I received an ARC of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. Thank you!
Boy this is a hard review to write.
Vanilla has been getting a bit of backlash from the book community lately, and I wasn't sure why - I mean, don't get me wrong, the book isn't perfect, but as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I can't say that I was incredibly offended by it as others were. I'm in no way invalidating their opinions on the book, or any issues at all that they might have with it - in fact, I kind of liked reading the good and the bad reviews for this one after I had finished reading, and I really agree with some of the things that people have said, both positive and negative.
As an adult who has been out as bisexual since I was sixteen, I've always been comfortable with who I am, even if there have been people in my life who haven't agreed with it (and trust me, there have been). I spent a few years trying to figure things out for myself, and those were a trying few years to be honest - I really don't talk about it much because I was severely depressed and and went through some other things during that time period as well. I'm 28 now, and when I was a teenager, there weren't a lot of LGBTQ+ books to choose from, and to be honest, I think this book would have been a really nice read when I was struggling with things back then. As an adult, I read so many queer books, and I'm pretty judgemental about them.
Do I think Vanilla is the most beneficial book? No.
Do I think Vanilla is one of the better books out there? No.
Do I think Vanilla is harmful and to be avoided at all costs? Again, no.
In fact, I think that the author had a really good plan for this book - a really good idea that he wanted to implement and a story that he wanted to tell. I just think that along the way, some things got included that might be a little...well...offensive. Like the character being called Vanilla, for starters. But I'll touch more on that in a few moments.
But here's the thing - I've found other books that some people rave about to be a bit offensive, too - everyone is going to find a few of them in their lifetime if you read enough. I'm not trying to make excuses here, because like I said earlier, I honestly believe that the author of this book wrote a good story. In fact, I loved the overall story. I thought it shed light on a lot of things and gave us a look into what it means to not only be a part of a long lasting couple, but also a couple that is slowly growing apart, and what it feels like to make a discovery about yourself, as part of that couple, while trying to come to terms with who you are.
Hunter and Vanilla have been in love for ages - they started out as good friends, and realized that they had feelings for each other - feelings that they couldn't (and didn't want to) fight. So they went with it, and began a relationship that has always proven to be the one constant thing for both of them.
However, Hunter has been wanting sex more and more, and while Vanilla doesn't want it right now - he wants to spend more time just being in love with each other before they commit to that level, so he tries to make Hunter understand. And while Hunter does understand, or at least tries to, he doesn't know how much longer he can go without it. So he starts pushing Vanilla away and finding new friends, talking to other guys online, and trying to figure out what he really wants in life. Meanwhile, Vanilla spends some time trying to figure out why he doesn't want sex - is it just because he isn't ready? Or is sex something that he just isn't all that interested in? When Hunter starts to push Vanilla away more and more, they start to wonder if their relationship can take it.
Also in the story is a character named Clown/Angel (name change halfway through the book), who is also coming to terms with identity while swallowing his feelings for Hunter. Eventually, after things start to go downhill with Vanilla and Hunter, Clown/Angel is the one that is constantly there for Vanilla, telling him that maybe his lack of interest in sex might not be something that is a bad thing, but maybe that he is actually asexual.
I wish we had actually had the chance to get to know the characters outside of their nicknames in the book - for example, we never learn Vanilla's true name, just that it's something that Hunter made up for him because he felt that Vanilla was...well...Vanilla. I really hate that we don't get down on a personal level with the characters in that aspect...and I also really disliked the fact that we refer to Vanilla as such throughout the entire book...and of course, it makes it out to be like the lack of sex that Vanilla is willing to have with Hunter is the exact reason that he is called Vanilla - you know, boring and not willing to get crazy, that kind of thing - it really should have been more thought out before the book was even finished, you know? That was one of those things that could have been done a hell of a lot better.
I loved that the book was written in verse, though. It was really interesting to read the book that way - I've read a few others that are set up like this and I think that for a lot of them, it really adds an extra level of depth to the novel. I felt like that was the case in Vanilla, as well.
One thing I didn't care much for was the points of view. At first, we have the viewpoints of Hunter and Vanilla, which are told in different fonts (I think Hunter's was bold, if it I'm not mistaken). Later in the book, we have the viewpoint of Clown/Angel, and at times I had a difficult time distinguishing between the three, but mostly between Vanilla and Clown/Angel. There aren't any actual names on top of the pages when the viewpoints change or anything, which can really cause some confusion.
Vanilla really has some problems, sure, but I mean, the book isn't terrible. To be honest, for the first 80 pages or so, I was really enjoying the book, and even after I finished it I liked it a lot, and then I began to see the problems that it had, and it really started to grate on me. I don't think this is the worst book in the world (trust me, I've seen some reallllly bad ones), but I also think that things could have been done a lot better so not to be as downright mean (such as the nickname Vanilla - I mean, come on). But underneath all of that, a reader can really find a love story that unravels as both main characters (and later the third) are forced to come to terms with who they are and what they want, all while trying to maintain friendship.
Note: I received an ARC of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. Thank you!
August 12, 2017
Vanilla is the story about a senior high school boy discovering that what the gayness that has always been a major aspect of his character has become multifaceted. It takes him an agonizingly long time to realize why he panics and stresses whenever his boyfriend Hunter wants to have sex--he's ace without the terminology. As someone who doesn't quite know where she is on that spectrum, it was refreshing to read this. Hunter is a hard character to like--but he's a high school boy who doesn't know and thinks he's the reason Vanilla doesn't want him.
I would say I found Clown/Angel to be the most compelling character--especially their friendship with Vanilla. I wish that their point of view had come sooner.
All in all I think it's a good look into the confusing way teen boys grow up--and how they discover bits of themselves they didn't even know were possible
I would say I found Clown/Angel to be the most compelling character--especially their friendship with Vanilla. I wish that their point of view had come sooner.
All in all I think it's a good look into the confusing way teen boys grow up--and how they discover bits of themselves they didn't even know were possible
June 27, 2017
This is the first verse novel I've read, and I have to say I loved it. I hadn't read poetry in a while so I was a little uncertain how I would feel about this. I'm so happy I decided to give it a try.
The characters were very raw, honest, and flawed, something I always appreciate in a novel. There were no perfect people, no saying the right things or even thinking the right things at all the right times.
Vanilla struggles with understanding his sexuality, Hunter struggles with accepting and understanding this and lashes out in harmful ways, and Clown/Angel struggles with understanding who they really are. This was a great coming of age novel and I would certainly recommend this book.
However, there were a couple things with the book I found problematic- mainly the peer pressure from "The Gang" that is shown in the beginning of the book towards Vanilla. There were also some problems with how Hunter handled his relationship with Vanilla. But, like I said, these characters were flawed and they were raw and they were honest. As people often are.
The characters were very raw, honest, and flawed, something I always appreciate in a novel. There were no perfect people, no saying the right things or even thinking the right things at all the right times.
Vanilla struggles with understanding his sexuality, Hunter struggles with accepting and understanding this and lashes out in harmful ways, and Clown/Angel struggles with understanding who they really are. This was a great coming of age novel and I would certainly recommend this book.
However, there were a couple things with the book I found problematic- mainly the peer pressure from "The Gang" that is shown in the beginning of the book towards Vanilla. There were also some problems with how Hunter handled his relationship with Vanilla. But, like I said, these characters were flawed and they were raw and they were honest. As people often are.
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