Maak me niet kapot

by Lynn Hall, Alexandra Terlouw-van Hulst (Translator)

A seventeen-year-old boy's life is nearly destroyed when a rumor that he is homosexual is started in his new high school.

Genres: Young Adult, LGBT, Fiction, Gay Fiction

140 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1972

About the author

Lynn Hall was the author of over fifty novels for juvenile and young adult readers, as well as over two dozen novels for younger readers. Her books focus on coming-of-age stories featuring dogs and horses.

Reviews

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

I discovered this book tucked away in my high school library some time around 2003. Over the course of the next several years, I read it at least four times. Maybe six. I don't even know. I do know I was the first (and possibly only) person to check it out during my time at school, and in 2005, when my librarian was weeding books I mentioned it to her as one she may have pulled and could I have it?

She hadn't pulled the book, but I brought it to her to look over and she unceremoniously deleted it from the catalog and handed it over to me. It has been with me ever since.

I was (and still am...) obsessed with vintage novels. This one in particular probably kicked off my LGBT reading. I didn't realize such books were published! And in 1972!! Before this, I thought I was cursed to only modern work or crap internet fan fiction. ...But the ending bothered me. It always had.

So, in 2004ish, I found out the author had written many other titles, mostly girly horse-centric books. I wrote Lynn Hall to tell her that I had discovered this ancient gem and to ask her about the ending and that it had kind of upset me that they didn't get any closure.

To my surprise, Lynn Hall wrote me back! She was, if my brain recalls this e-mail a decade letter, surprised I had come across, much less read this early work, but that she was glad to hear that I had enjoyed it. She also confessed that, due to the times, her editors had pressured her to change the ending to the loose openness that was printed, and that originally they did end up together. Sixteen year old me was very relieved. And I have always appreciated Lynn Hall taking a few minutes of her time to tell me that.

As for the book itself, I remember loving it. It has been a decade now since I last read it. Probably since just after it was handed to me back in 2005. But, I recently finished Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, and I was reminded of this novel. So, people who liked Ari and Dante should see if they can come across a copy of this. Not everyone will be lucky enough to have the library and librarian I did!

[Stephanie A. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Set in a narrow-minded small town in Iowa, a high school senior becomes best friends with a recently-discharged veteran, unaware of the reason for the discharge ("homosexual tendencies") or the fact that an attention-seeking outcast has begun a rumor that he is gay as well. A startling look at just how damaging being gay, or even suspected of it, could be just a few decades ago.

In text it is really nothing more than a close friendship, but it's fascinating in a heartbreaking sort of way to watch something so innocent ultimately send him tumbling from a straight-A student to a psychological mess. The story is told from multiple viewpoints, which helps illuminate what is really going on, though the main character's is strongest.

If you enjoyed the setting, check out The Siege Of Silent Henry, a very different kind of story but featuring the Robert Short mentioned in passing from this novel.

[Julian Janeway · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those books I read again every year or so and still love. It's dated but well written, and a very interesting character study. It's one of those books that ends exactly where it needs to, and yet you want a sequel just to know what the repercussions will wind up being.

[Cathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

While the setting and the language seem dated, the emotions and bigotry are as familiar today as they were 40 years ago. It's getting better but we have a long way to go.

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book needs to be republished. Awesome imagery & emotions. Piano playing city kid moves to small town, and becomes friends with the town's known homosexual outcast, before knowing his status. I've re-read this several times.

Teachers: find this book for your classroom library.

[Kristin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lifesaver to an isolated queer high school kid. May not be the most sophisticated story; when I read it I read it with sixteen year old eyes, and I am still in awe.

[Rosa]

So. Freaking. Sad.

[Thijs Werkman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ik moest even in dit boek komen maar toen ik eenmaal aan het lezen was wilde ik verder. Het verhaal is verdrietig en de sprankeltjes hoop zijn minimaal.

Dit boek is geschreven in 1972 de hoofdpersoon Tom (17) heeft een vriendschappelijke relatie met Ward. Is het alleen vriendschap of is het liefde?

[Rena Sherwood · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lynn Hall's best known books were those about horses or dogs. But she did write about different subjects, although an old piebald pony mare makes a brief cameo here. This is an almost quaint look at how being a homosexual can destroy your life -- especially in a small, conservative Midwest town in 1972. Even before AIDS.

Hall was a very good writer, getting the most story out of the fewest words. Although this story was marketed to teens, it really seems to be a book for parents and teachers of gay kids. Written in third person, it does bounce from character to character's point of views, but mainly centers on Tom Naylor, a high school senior and talented piano player, accussed of being gay.

Unfortunately, it doesn't really have a satisfactory ending. It just ends. Even in 1972, you couldn't hint that a gay couple could ever have a happy life. At least this book did not blame the victims. It laid the blame where it should be placed -- at those who caused suffering.

This book received bad reviews when it first came out. The New York Times called it "soulless." I disagree. There's plenty of soul here. But there weren't in the critics in 1972 and certainly won't be by homophobes today.

The title refers to the old expression "sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me." This is a lie we've all told ourselves. I'm glad to see Lynn Hall was able to show that it was a lie.

[Ashley Moran · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked this up at a thrift store along with some other older books, trying to give them a try over all the new releases I have. It took a while to get into the “good” part of the storyline, which was almost half way through. The ending didn’t really make much sense, or rather could’ve been written much better. The car accident at the end was almost pointless and having Floyd die, but for what? There was no further elaboration as to the meaning behind his death. There was no big transformation in Tom’s story. The ending didn’t give any reference to how he goes on to live his life. Did he pick up his music? Did he go with Ward? Did he flunk his senior year or was he able to graduate? I did like how it showed how regardless if a rumor is true or not it can drastically affect someone’s life, which was the main point of the book. With it being written in 1972 I’m sure the lack of further LGBT details is why that is.

[Evan Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was just a book sitting in my house my mom had thousand of old books so I read it was sad etc.

[Connie Hirsch · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well-meaning