ETOH: A Personal Look at Alcohol Use Disorder

by Sherry Lynn Daniel

I did not want to exist on this planet as a 'useless alcoholic.' I was either worrying people or making them sick. 'Sorry loser,' 'the family poison' and a 'wino,' were not labels I wanted to ever hear again, much less wear. In Africa, when a woman is barren, she wears a heavy, horsehair yoke to remind herself and the rest of the tribe that she takes up resources-food, clothing, shelter-but produces no offspring. Some of my family members put an emotional yoke on me that I was not willing to wear. My decision to leave had been in my mind for a while. It was growing more prominent when I saw that I could not stop drinking. I almost died from ethanol alcohol and still could not stop. The last time mom was in the hospital, the doctor said if one of the three infections reached her heart, that she would pass. I panicked and drank. One of the blessings I returned with was no memory of giving up. Since it isn't allowed in the Universe, I was not to ever consider it an option so the feeling and the decision were erased from my memory. I thank God for that. Being exposed to the answers to all the questions I've ever had was more than intoxicating, it was inspired by the Holy Spirit rather than the distilled kind. I came back with the questions but could not bring the answers. Carl Jung said "Spiritum Contra Spiritus," which translates to 'fight fire with fire." God has removed my desire to drink, all the cravings and any residual feeling of 'turning to the bottle' to cope. That is a blessing I get to live with today. I thought it would never come. I have turned the page and have no doubt in my mind that I will never drink again. I don't have to. My fears have been lifted completely. I just have to stay connected to the Source and I will walk steady, and sober.

29 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 19, 2016