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All Saints #3
As I Am
Will Madden is healing.
Thanks to therapy and a growing support system, he's taking baby steps into a promising future. One of those steps leads him to an online chat room, where he quickly bonds with fellow PTSD sufferer Taz Zachary.
Despite their virtual connection, Taz is initially freaked out at the idea of meeting Will face-to-face. A sexual relationship may be the last thing on his mind, but his craving for human interaction—and more of the way Will makes him laugh—gives him the courage he needs to take the next step.
In person, the chemistry between them is undeniable. But Will is hurt when Taz doesn't seem to be in any rush to get him into bed. Still, acceptance, love and happiness all seem within reach for the first time in forever—until demons from the past threaten the future they both finally believe they deserve.
Thanks to therapy and a growing support system, he's taking baby steps into a promising future. One of those steps leads him to an online chat room, where he quickly bonds with fellow PTSD sufferer Taz Zachary.
Despite their virtual connection, Taz is initially freaked out at the idea of meeting Will face-to-face. A sexual relationship may be the last thing on his mind, but his craving for human interaction—and more of the way Will makes him laugh—gives him the courage he needs to take the next step.
In person, the chemistry between them is undeniable. But Will is hurt when Taz doesn't seem to be in any rush to get him into bed. Still, acceptance, love and happiness all seem within reach for the first time in forever—until demons from the past threaten the future they both finally believe they deserve.
368 pages, Paperback
First published February 13, 2017
27 people are currently reading
368 people want to read
About the author
A.M. Arthur
87 books1,233 followersNo stranger to the writing world, A.M. Arthur has been creating stories in her head since she was a child and scribbling them down nearly as long. She credits an early fascination with male friendships (bromance wasn't a thing yet) with her later discovery of and subsequent affair with m/m romance stories. When not writing, she can be found in her kitchen, pretending she's an amateur chef and trying to not poison herself or others with her cuisine experiments. You can contact her at AM_Arthur(at)yahoo(dot)com
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November 21, 2017DNF en el 40%. Cuando es un festival de angst y me tiene totalmente fría, algo no va bien. No me ha gustado cómo los protagonistas van entablando su relación, creo que está relatado un poco a trompicones, de forma muy poco natural y creíble. Si a eso lo sumamos una parte de misterio que me estaba aburriendo... Pues eso, DNF y no doy rating.
February 10, 2017
As I Am is my least favorite book in this series so far. Both Will and Taz are very damaged characters who went through a LOT in their young lives. While I usually love damaged men in my books, having both main characters fighting so many demons is too overwhelming for me.
Will is a 19 year old boy who's proving that the TEEN part of his age means he's still a child. Having suffered sexual abuse and prostitution at the hands of his mother (yeah, that bitch sold his ass for money!!!), Will now struggles with his life on a daily basis and is as scared as a rabbit of any human interactions. Will doesn't like crowds and doesn't do too well when he has to work with other people, yet I found his character to be contradicting. Will is suffering of panic attacks at the simple thought of working with others, yet he's perfectly fine with a bunch of one night stands with strangers; no matter which way I scratch my head, it doesn't make any sense to me. Will is immature most of the time and childish sometimes, but I failed to see that old soul that most damaged characters seem to have.
Taz is several years older than Will and he's a total recluse. Having suffered and survived a horrific homophobic attack in his senior year of college, which left him physically and emotionally scarred, Taz now suffers from PTSD and agoraphobia. Meeting and befriending Will in a chat room is the best thing to happen to Taz, until Will decides he would love to meet Taz in person.
Both Will and Taz make significant effort and compromises in order to make their friendship more real, but the genuine connection they have makes all the panic attacks and the flashbacks worth it. Taz and Will decide to ignore the chemistry between them in favor of deepening their friendship, an I thought that was the best decision ever, since I wasn't really feeling the insta-attraction. When they got around to the sexy parts I skipped the details, because I didn't find it hot at all.
This book would've scored somewhere around 3.5 stars if it wasn't for the immaturity of both Will and Taz. These two could definitely be gold medalists at jumping to conclusions, and the dramatic interpretation of any little thing made for a lot of eye-rolling on my part. Top that with all the drama and the "coincidences" between Will's past and Taz's present and I was done.
My final rating is 2.5 dramatic stars (rounded to 3 because I'm feeling generous).
Will is a 19 year old boy who's proving that the TEEN part of his age means he's still a child. Having suffered sexual abuse and prostitution at the hands of his mother (yeah, that bitch sold his ass for money!!!), Will now struggles with his life on a daily basis and is as scared as a rabbit of any human interactions. Will doesn't like crowds and doesn't do too well when he has to work with other people, yet I found his character to be contradicting. Will is suffering of panic attacks at the simple thought of working with others, yet he's perfectly fine with a bunch of one night stands with strangers; no matter which way I scratch my head, it doesn't make any sense to me. Will is immature most of the time and childish sometimes, but I failed to see that old soul that most damaged characters seem to have.
Taz is several years older than Will and he's a total recluse. Having suffered and survived a horrific homophobic attack in his senior year of college, which left him physically and emotionally scarred, Taz now suffers from PTSD and agoraphobia. Meeting and befriending Will in a chat room is the best thing to happen to Taz, until Will decides he would love to meet Taz in person.
Both Will and Taz make significant effort and compromises in order to make their friendship more real, but the genuine connection they have makes all the panic attacks and the flashbacks worth it. Taz and Will decide to ignore the chemistry between them in favor of deepening their friendship, an I thought that was the best decision ever, since I wasn't really feeling the insta-attraction. When they got around to the sexy parts I skipped the details, because I didn't find it hot at all.
This book would've scored somewhere around 3.5 stars if it wasn't for the immaturity of both Will and Taz. These two could definitely be gold medalists at jumping to conclusions, and the dramatic interpretation of any little thing made for a lot of eye-rolling on my part. Top that with all the drama and the "coincidences" between Will's past and Taz's present and I was done.
My final rating is 2.5 dramatic stars (rounded to 3 because I'm feeling generous).
February 6, 2017
Thanks to the acknowledgements in the back of the book I remembered reading about Will Madden when he had just started his therapy with Dr. James Taggert in Getting It Right. In book world time that was three years ago. Will is still seeing Dr. Taggert because sadly Will is still a wreck. The years and type of abuse that he suffered isn’t something that one can easily heal. Will is working hard for his health. His anxiety has him living at a halfway house now that he has aged out of foster care. The PTSD makes holding a job difficult. Will struggles. The one happy that Will has is the friend he has meet in a chat room. He knows that he needs real in the flesh friends but there is just something about Taz that has him looking forward to their internet chat times.
Thomas Zachary knows all about social anxieties and PTSD. For the past two years Taz has hidden himself from the outside world. He has managed to find a job that allows him to work from home. His father does all the shopping and errand running for him. In all honesty Taz is so close to becoming a full-fledged agoraphobic. His own problems have prevented him from making any new friends since he relocated to Wilmington. He enjoys his daily online chats with Will. Taz is content with the life he is sort of living. All that changes when Will suggests they meet, in person.
This is such a sweet love story. Taz and Will truly help each other in their healing process. They take baby steps in attempting to do normal dating things while battling the anxieties from their PTSD. They encourage the other to do more activities outside of their normal while offering any support the other could possibly need. They really did make a perfect yet unlikely match.
I was overly pleased with having some page time with several of A.M.’s past happily ever afters. It’s always great to see how the couple is doing in the future. Brendan and Romy from Stand By You have a nice size chunk of page time with Taz and Will. In fact all of the couples from the Belonging series make some cameo appearances.
As I Am EASILY works as a stand-alone book. I have not read any of the other books in the All Saints series. The couples from the previous books did not even have a large enough appearance to make me curious about them. I’m sure at some point I’ll go back and read them as I do love A.M. Arthur’s books.
Thomas Zachary knows all about social anxieties and PTSD. For the past two years Taz has hidden himself from the outside world. He has managed to find a job that allows him to work from home. His father does all the shopping and errand running for him. In all honesty Taz is so close to becoming a full-fledged agoraphobic. His own problems have prevented him from making any new friends since he relocated to Wilmington. He enjoys his daily online chats with Will. Taz is content with the life he is sort of living. All that changes when Will suggests they meet, in person.
This is such a sweet love story. Taz and Will truly help each other in their healing process. They take baby steps in attempting to do normal dating things while battling the anxieties from their PTSD. They encourage the other to do more activities outside of their normal while offering any support the other could possibly need. They really did make a perfect yet unlikely match.
I was overly pleased with having some page time with several of A.M.’s past happily ever afters. It’s always great to see how the couple is doing in the future. Brendan and Romy from Stand By You have a nice size chunk of page time with Taz and Will. In fact all of the couples from the Belonging series make some cameo appearances.
As I Am EASILY works as a stand-alone book. I have not read any of the other books in the All Saints series. The couples from the previous books did not even have a large enough appearance to make me curious about them. I’m sure at some point I’ll go back and read them as I do love A.M. Arthur’s books.
February 13, 2017
Slick's review:
Sometimes a very, very minor character makes such an impression on readers that they beg the author to tell his story and that is exactly what A.M. Arthur did in As I Am. Readers met one of the main characters briefly in a previous book and took such an interest in him that this author gave him a voice to tell his not so pretty story. While As I Am is very much a romance it is so much more than that; two young men both suffering from PTSD and trying to live in a world they don’t feel safe in find friendship and more all while learning to deal with their triggers, anxiety, as well as building trust in another human being.
Will Madden has been working hard to deal with the trauma and abuse he suffered for years and while he continues to get therapy, there are things that still set him off. Will’s self esteem is a work in progress and he often takes one step forward followed by two back. He is thankful for the people in his life he knows he can count on, but he craves more in his life. While on a hiatus from meaningless sex and random hook ups, Will befriends a fellow PTSD sufferer in a chat room. Meeting Taz Zachary in person proves to be difficult for both of them, but their connection is strong.
I enjoyed watching these two open up to one another and begin to realize that in each other they had a friend. I liked that despite the physical attraction to one another, they didn’t jump into that type of a relationship right away and even when they did they took that slow as well. It seemed very appropriate given their pasts and both their need to be in control of their own situation. My heart hurt for the atrocious acts perpetrated against them both, but I do feel in one another they were able to open their hearts and heal beyond anything they’d done prior.
Outside forces put them in danger and also threatened their sanity, but together and with the help of some of their new friends they found not only the love they never expected, but a pseudo family they both desperately needed. I loved seeing characters from this author’s previous works befriend these two young men, not only because they needed that support, but also because it gave us a chance to see how those previous couples are doing as well.
I was able to figure out the “suspense” plot twist immediately so for me it was a matter of waiting for everyone including the police to catch up which was a bit annoying to me and one of the main reasons I don’t read romantic suspense anymore, and to be honest I didn’t think it was all that necessary and really did little to further the plot.
Highly emotional, intense and hopeful, As I Am was difficult at times to read, but highly enjoyable.
Review copy provided for a voluntary review.
Sometimes a very, very minor character makes such an impression on readers that they beg the author to tell his story and that is exactly what A.M. Arthur did in As I Am. Readers met one of the main characters briefly in a previous book and took such an interest in him that this author gave him a voice to tell his not so pretty story. While As I Am is very much a romance it is so much more than that; two young men both suffering from PTSD and trying to live in a world they don’t feel safe in find friendship and more all while learning to deal with their triggers, anxiety, as well as building trust in another human being.
Will Madden has been working hard to deal with the trauma and abuse he suffered for years and while he continues to get therapy, there are things that still set him off. Will’s self esteem is a work in progress and he often takes one step forward followed by two back. He is thankful for the people in his life he knows he can count on, but he craves more in his life. While on a hiatus from meaningless sex and random hook ups, Will befriends a fellow PTSD sufferer in a chat room. Meeting Taz Zachary in person proves to be difficult for both of them, but their connection is strong.
I enjoyed watching these two open up to one another and begin to realize that in each other they had a friend. I liked that despite the physical attraction to one another, they didn’t jump into that type of a relationship right away and even when they did they took that slow as well. It seemed very appropriate given their pasts and both their need to be in control of their own situation. My heart hurt for the atrocious acts perpetrated against them both, but I do feel in one another they were able to open their hearts and heal beyond anything they’d done prior.
Outside forces put them in danger and also threatened their sanity, but together and with the help of some of their new friends they found not only the love they never expected, but a pseudo family they both desperately needed. I loved seeing characters from this author’s previous works befriend these two young men, not only because they needed that support, but also because it gave us a chance to see how those previous couples are doing as well.
I was able to figure out the “suspense” plot twist immediately so for me it was a matter of waiting for everyone including the police to catch up which was a bit annoying to me and one of the main reasons I don’t read romantic suspense anymore, and to be honest I didn’t think it was all that necessary and really did little to further the plot.
Highly emotional, intense and hopeful, As I Am was difficult at times to read, but highly enjoyable.
Review copy provided for a voluntary review.
February 10, 2017
This is the third book in the All Saints series and if you've read the others you've met Will before. He was the shy assistant of Jonas' new boss (book 1). Actually there's some time period overlap and we see the charity fundraiser from book two in this but from Will's pov. Will has a horrible background and suffers from anxiety due to his traumatic childhood. As a result he rarely leaves his home and he relies on the internet for his socialization. He meets Taz in a chat room and the two men become online friends. As the story progresses they decide to meet in person and a relationship then develops.
I say this is every review I write of this author's work. I know going in to them they will be a bit over the top and filled with drama and angst. Sometimes I like that and I know exactly what I'm getting when I start one. And that's not a criticism.....I've read almost everything this author's written. This one though was too over the top for me. The two MC's were interesting and likable but their backgrounds were too much for me...too much drama....and the big plot twist towards the end was just too much. It was so completely unbelievable that it annoyed me a bit.
I was kind of bummed with this. I enjoy this series and I liked seeing the characters from the first two books again (as well as some characters from this author's Restoration series) but overall this was just too much for me. By far my least favorite in this series. While this book is the third in this series it could be read as a standalone.
**ARC provided through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.**
I say this is every review I write of this author's work. I know going in to them they will be a bit over the top and filled with drama and angst. Sometimes I like that and I know exactly what I'm getting when I start one. And that's not a criticism.....I've read almost everything this author's written. This one though was too over the top for me. The two MC's were interesting and likable but their backgrounds were too much for me...too much drama....and the big plot twist towards the end was just too much. It was so completely unbelievable that it annoyed me a bit.
I was kind of bummed with this. I enjoy this series and I liked seeing the characters from the first two books again (as well as some characters from this author's Restoration series) but overall this was just too much for me. By far my least favorite in this series. While this book is the third in this series it could be read as a standalone.
**ARC provided through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.**
March 3, 2017
This book for me is 4 stars. It was different from some of the previous books I've read by AM Arthur.
Despite what I said above in the spoiler, I liked Will and Taz's story. These two are good for each other. Taz was sadly attacked with acid when he came out as gay and he has scars on his face. It's hard to say how bad they are at this point (2 years later) but Will makes of point of saying they aren't really noticeable, but at the same time, people do see them. So I didn't have a good handle on how bad they were.
What I particularly enjoyed was Will's revelation that he didn't have to be the bottom. Will being raped by his mothers drug dealers always put Will on the bottom, and when Taz says he too prefers to bottom, Will is struck suddenly with the realization that he doesn't have to be a passive participant to sex. Will has had sex of his own free will since his mother is in jail. And he always bottomed. It was a powerful moment to see Will grow up in that moment. Will is 19, almost 20, and his childhood wasn't what it should have been in any way. He grew up small and with an eating disorder because he wasn't given proper nutrition as a kid. But in this moment where he realizes that he can top Taz, Will could be a giant. He sees that HE is in charge of his life. He has a say in what happens to him; he doesn't just have to take it (and I don't mean as a bottom).
There are a lot of great moments in this story and all does end well (duh!). :) I do recommend this book; it's a great conclusion to this trilogy.
Despite what I said above in the spoiler, I liked Will and Taz's story. These two are good for each other. Taz was sadly attacked with acid when he came out as gay and he has scars on his face. It's hard to say how bad they are at this point (2 years later) but Will makes of point of saying they aren't really noticeable, but at the same time, people do see them. So I didn't have a good handle on how bad they were.
What I particularly enjoyed was Will's revelation that he didn't have to be the bottom. Will being raped by his mothers drug dealers always put Will on the bottom, and when Taz says he too prefers to bottom, Will is struck suddenly with the realization that he doesn't have to be a passive participant to sex. Will has had sex of his own free will since his mother is in jail. And he always bottomed. It was a powerful moment to see Will grow up in that moment. Will is 19, almost 20, and his childhood wasn't what it should have been in any way. He grew up small and with an eating disorder because he wasn't given proper nutrition as a kid. But in this moment where he realizes that he can top Taz, Will could be a giant. He sees that HE is in charge of his life. He has a say in what happens to him; he doesn't just have to take it (and I don't mean as a bottom).
There are a lot of great moments in this story and all does end well (duh!). :) I do recommend this book; it's a great conclusion to this trilogy.
February 6, 2017
4.5 stars
“As I Am” by A.M. Arthur is Book 3 of the ‘All Saints’ series and centers on agoraphobic and physically scarred Taz Zachary and abuse survivor Will Madden. Their connection in a chat room gradually evolves into more, but events around them threaten to tear them apart, especially when it becomes apparent there are painful truths that still need to come to light.
This m/m romance with suspense elements is a beautiful exploration of the challenge of overcoming one’s past while finding a way to life a satisfactory life. I ached for each of the main characters even as I cheered for their small triumphs and was dismayed at their setbacks. I love that there was a gradual progression in their relationship and trust in each other as well as realistic setbacks that accompanied the unfolding of their trust. I wasn’t thrilled about the betrayal and attempt at atonement that threatens to upend everything since it seemed to be even more hurtful under the circumstances, but I understand that it helps tie everything together and makes the story more realistic.
I think this is a great story that reminds us that scars can be both physical and emotional but that the right person can keep one from being defined by them. I definitely will be on the lookout for more stories by this talented author.
A copy of this title was provided to me for review, a version of which has been submitted to Night Owl Reviews.
“As I Am” by A.M. Arthur is Book 3 of the ‘All Saints’ series and centers on agoraphobic and physically scarred Taz Zachary and abuse survivor Will Madden. Their connection in a chat room gradually evolves into more, but events around them threaten to tear them apart, especially when it becomes apparent there are painful truths that still need to come to light.
This m/m romance with suspense elements is a beautiful exploration of the challenge of overcoming one’s past while finding a way to life a satisfactory life. I ached for each of the main characters even as I cheered for their small triumphs and was dismayed at their setbacks. I love that there was a gradual progression in their relationship and trust in each other as well as realistic setbacks that accompanied the unfolding of their trust. I wasn’t thrilled about the betrayal and attempt at atonement that threatens to upend everything since it seemed to be even more hurtful under the circumstances, but I understand that it helps tie everything together and makes the story more realistic.
I think this is a great story that reminds us that scars can be both physical and emotional but that the right person can keep one from being defined by them. I definitely will be on the lookout for more stories by this talented author.
A copy of this title was provided to me for review, a version of which has been submitted to Night Owl Reviews.
March 5, 2017
I love broken boys, and A.M. Arthur gave me two of them. Two very broken young men that found one another and helped to learn how to love and help one another heal. They could lean on each other, not in a co-dependency way, but in complete understanding of what the other was experiencing.
I loved Taz. I loved watching him learn to love himself and grow stronger as others accepted him without a second glance at his disfigurement. I also loved watching Will learn to accept love from others and learn that he is worth so much more than being just a sex pawn.
This book is about growing up and healing. Both characters support each other and grow and mature together throughout the story. They have bumps in the road along the way, but what relationship doesn't? The story is heartbreaking at times, yet also sweet and sexy. It has strong characters you can root for to get their HEA.
The book was enjoyable, well-written and paced well. It's a bit instalove, but the time frame seems much longer, so it didn't feel instalove. It's filled with a host of emotions from sadness, happiness and of course, love, as well as some passionately sweet sex. I loved catching up a bit with Tag, Nate, Ezra, Donner, Ale, Jaime, Brendan, Romy and, of course, Jonas and Tate. I love that Ms. Arthur continues to keep me informed as to what's happening with some of my favorite characters. A great read, highly recommended!!
*Copy provided to me via NetGalley for my reading pleasure, a review wasn’t a requirement.*
February 13, 2017
A Joyfully Jay review.
4 stars
As I Am is the third book in A.M. Arthur’s All Saint’s series. This one is actually only loosely connected to the first two in the series, mostly by the overlap of one scene, and can easily be read without the others. Interestingly, characters from some of Arthur’s other books (including all the Belonging books and two of the Restoration series) do show up here and having not read those, I found it a little hard to keep up with everyone. There is a sense that there is more going on with each of these couples than what we can learn here, and at times it was a bit tricky keeping track of everyone. But overall, I think this one works as a standalone and would be enhanced if you are familiar with the other series.
This story is the most intense of the All Saint’s series so far. Will and Taz both have suffered some physical trauma that has left them with severe emotional scars (and in Taz’s case, physical ones too). Will, in particular, has a horrific past, one that was often hard to read about. The fact that he is functional at all is a miracle of strength, will, and some wonderful therapy. Both of these men have major anxieties, panic attacks, fear of strangers, stress in public, etc, that make it very difficult to function out in the world. Arthur does a really wonderful job developing this characters and helping us to understand the challenges they are facing. It is really rewarding to see both of these men take steps forward into not only finding friendship and companionship with each other, but also to being more comfortable out in the world. The pace of the relationship moves slowly, as makes sense for these men. But I loved seeing them grow and bloom through their connection to one another.
Read Jay’s review in its entirety here.
4 stars
As I Am is the third book in A.M. Arthur’s All Saint’s series. This one is actually only loosely connected to the first two in the series, mostly by the overlap of one scene, and can easily be read without the others. Interestingly, characters from some of Arthur’s other books (including all the Belonging books and two of the Restoration series) do show up here and having not read those, I found it a little hard to keep up with everyone. There is a sense that there is more going on with each of these couples than what we can learn here, and at times it was a bit tricky keeping track of everyone. But overall, I think this one works as a standalone and would be enhanced if you are familiar with the other series.
This story is the most intense of the All Saint’s series so far. Will and Taz both have suffered some physical trauma that has left them with severe emotional scars (and in Taz’s case, physical ones too). Will, in particular, has a horrific past, one that was often hard to read about. The fact that he is functional at all is a miracle of strength, will, and some wonderful therapy. Both of these men have major anxieties, panic attacks, fear of strangers, stress in public, etc, that make it very difficult to function out in the world. Arthur does a really wonderful job developing this characters and helping us to understand the challenges they are facing. It is really rewarding to see both of these men take steps forward into not only finding friendship and companionship with each other, but also to being more comfortable out in the world. The pace of the relationship moves slowly, as makes sense for these men. But I loved seeing them grow and bloom through their connection to one another.
Read Jay’s review in its entirety here.
February 11, 2017
¸.•´¸★*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.★¨*.¸¸.•`★¤ ... ¤★¨*.¸¸.*ˑ˞★ "Don't let the past control your present. Keep that power to yourself." ~Dr. Taggert
No more powerful word had ever been spoken in regards to holding onto the integrity and sliver that was your thoughts, your soul, your life.
Once again author A.M. Arthur drug deep inside and wrung my innards dry in this powerful tale of two men who refused to let anxiety and abuse and the world keep them hidden and afraid once they met. I knew this was going to be a hard read. If you have read the All Saints books, then you would realise that you go in one way and come out of the wringer by the last page.
As main characters, I was proud of the steps both Will and Taz endured to be together. Will, ridden with anxiety from years of abuse have found an inner peace that have given him enough to enter into the world with tests and challenges. Taz, disfigured after being true to self, now has a mild case of agoraphobia but willing to step outside his comfort zone. There was no doubt that there was a driving force behind every action and every word, and it was delivered aplomb.
All Saints was a wild ride in discovery and mystery, bringing to light finally Will's fight to be free from the nightmare that began as a teen but had not been resolved. They both may have thought themselves as weaklings, but both Will and Taz proved that together they were a force to be reckoned with.
On the mystery/suspense side, I give two thumbs up on how it was handled and was left with my mouth wide open at times. I love mystery/suspense stories and this was done well. I will recommend that if you love angst and justice, and happily ever after then choose this series and share. And as I almost always say: This may not be a book for everyone, but you won't know unless you give it a try.
I voluntarily and honestly reviewed this book without bias or persuasion from Carina Press
Reviewed by Cee from Alpha Book Club
(¸.★¨*.¸¸.•`★¤ ... ¤★¨*.¸¸.*ˑ˞★ "Don't let the past control your present. Keep that power to yourself." ~Dr. Taggert
No more powerful word had ever been spoken in regards to holding onto the integrity and sliver that was your thoughts, your soul, your life.
Once again author A.M. Arthur drug deep inside and wrung my innards dry in this powerful tale of two men who refused to let anxiety and abuse and the world keep them hidden and afraid once they met. I knew this was going to be a hard read. If you have read the All Saints books, then you would realise that you go in one way and come out of the wringer by the last page.
As main characters, I was proud of the steps both Will and Taz endured to be together. Will, ridden with anxiety from years of abuse have found an inner peace that have given him enough to enter into the world with tests and challenges. Taz, disfigured after being true to self, now has a mild case of agoraphobia but willing to step outside his comfort zone. There was no doubt that there was a driving force behind every action and every word, and it was delivered aplomb.
All Saints was a wild ride in discovery and mystery, bringing to light finally Will's fight to be free from the nightmare that began as a teen but had not been resolved. They both may have thought themselves as weaklings, but both Will and Taz proved that together they were a force to be reckoned with.
On the mystery/suspense side, I give two thumbs up on how it was handled and was left with my mouth wide open at times. I love mystery/suspense stories and this was done well. I will recommend that if you love angst and justice, and happily ever after then choose this series and share. And as I almost always say: This may not be a book for everyone, but you won't know unless you give it a try.
I voluntarily and honestly reviewed this book without bias or persuasion from Carina Press
Reviewed by Cee from Alpha Book Club
September 3, 2017
As with the first two books in this series, the story centers around two people who are indeed recovering from something... In the case of Taz, his PTSD is a direct result of a horrible situation that's left his scared, physically as well as mentally. For Will, it comes from years of abuse. Both are suffering from different pasts, both with PTSD that contributes to them each having a hard time building trust in new relationships. When they meet in a chat room, it's like finally finding that one person who gets it. They might not completely understand all the little nuances of all the horror their lives have wrought, but they get the panic, they get the nervousness... they get it. They understand, mostly, but definitely more than anyone else does. I liked the friendship they built, even if the trust was challenged repeatedly. The way they gravitate towards each other is not surprising in the least. Even the way they each have little setbacks with each other, is not surprising. It is a sad and heart wrenching story.
Sadly, it's also a little bit too much and over the top with the angst, uncertainty, and the big reveal moment on how closely their lives are intertwined when they never even knew it... that moment pulled me out of the story with a bit of a shock and it felt forced and not at all believable. I think that I saw the tie in coming but really hoped it was going to turn out differently. I guess it's not unexpected when it comes to this author. Sometimes I love them, sometimes not so much. I think I'm sort of in the middle this time around. Maybe. I don't know...
In the end, this was disappointing for that alone. A good hurt/comfort story doesn't need to always have these over the top moments that seriously don't make any sense. In the end, things work out as they always do... in a neat and tidy bow with a tiny bit of mystery as to what might happen in the future with Taz's dad. I just wish that this focused more on their relationship and the two of them finding the confidence in themselves and each other that they deserved, and not about the sinister issues and past that tied them together.
ARC provided via NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.
Sadly, it's also a little bit too much and over the top with the angst, uncertainty, and the big reveal moment on how closely their lives are intertwined when they never even knew it... that moment pulled me out of the story with a bit of a shock and it felt forced and not at all believable. I think that I saw the tie in coming but really hoped it was going to turn out differently. I guess it's not unexpected when it comes to this author. Sometimes I love them, sometimes not so much. I think I'm sort of in the middle this time around. Maybe. I don't know...
In the end, this was disappointing for that alone. A good hurt/comfort story doesn't need to always have these over the top moments that seriously don't make any sense. In the end, things work out as they always do... in a neat and tidy bow with a tiny bit of mystery as to what might happen in the future with Taz's dad. I just wish that this focused more on their relationship and the two of them finding the confidence in themselves and each other that they deserved, and not about the sinister issues and past that tied them together.
ARC provided via NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.
March 17, 2023
4.25 🌟
February 5, 2017
Title: As I Am
Author: A.M. Arthur
Series: All Saints
Publisher: Carina Press
Reviewer: Mollien
Release Date: February 13, 2017
Genre(s): Male/Male Romance
Page Count: 368 pages
Heat Level: 3 flames out of 5
Rating: 4 stars out of 5
Blurb:
Review:
This is the third book in the All Saints series. I really enjoyed the first book in this series, Come What May. Somehow I missed reading the second book, Say It Right. I plan on reading it soon. Each story is a standalone book. They are connected by sharing a location and some characters. They also seem to share events that happen in the books. As I Am is a darker story with disturbing events and a difficult subject matter. If rape, violence, and PTSD are triggers for you, you may want to reconsider this book. If you want a story that shows people overcoming impossible situations and working through their personal demons, I highly recommend this book. The plot of this story is about Will and Taz. Each has been dealt a pretty harsh life. Will was pimped out by his mother from early childhood to keep her stocked with drugs. Lucky for him he was taken away from his mother and put into the system. Now he lives in a group home and has a tremendous support system and good friends, but he still suffers from panic attacks and seeks out random one night stands. He meets Taz in a PTSD chat room and they form a strong friendship. Taz lives in the isolated world of his apartment. Afraid to leave his apartment after being attacked in college leaving him both emotionally and physically scarred Taz takes a giant step when he agrees to meet Will in person. A meeting that may put them both on a path of recovery, but may also put their lives in danger.
There is a slow build of chemistry between these two troubled young men. Each one having their own issues of trust, but as the friendship grows so does the heat between them. These two men are very protective of each other. Both of them stretch the limits of their comfort zones to make each other happy.
This is a longer story that is not only a romance, but it also has an element of suspense that will threaten the lives of our main characters. The pacing is fast and dramatic. With a difficult storyline that had me on edge during most of the story. This story does have as close to a happy ending that it could have. These characters have a long road ahead of them.
This story has great character development. The author doesn’t hold anything back detailing the lives of Will and Taz making them strong, believable characters.
PLOT 4 Stars
CHEMISTRY: 5 Stars
PACING: 4 Stars
ENDING: 4 Stars
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: 4 Stars
Review Copy of As I Am provided by the Carina Press I voluntarily reviewed an Advance Reader Copy of this book. Reviewed by Mollien from Alpha Book Club
Author: A.M. Arthur
Series: All Saints
Publisher: Carina Press
Reviewer: Mollien
Release Date: February 13, 2017
Genre(s): Male/Male Romance
Page Count: 368 pages
Heat Level: 3 flames out of 5
Rating: 4 stars out of 5
Blurb:
Will Madden is healing.
Thanks to therapy and a growing support system, he's taking baby steps into a promising future. One of those steps leads him to an online chat room, where he quickly bonds with fellow PTSD sufferer Taz Zachary.
Despite their virtual connection, Taz is initially freaked out at the idea of meeting Will face-to-face. A sexual relationship may be the last thing on his mind, but his craving for human interaction—and more of the way Will makes him laugh—gives him the courage he needs to take the next step.
In person, the chemistry between them is undeniable. But Will is hurt when Taz doesn't seem to be in any rush to get him into bed. Still, acceptance, love and happiness all seem within reach for the first time in forever—until demons from the past threaten the future they both finally believe they deserve.
Book three of the All Saints series.
This book is approximately 95,000 words
One-click with confidence. This title is part of the Carina Press Romance Promise: all the romance you're looking for with an HEA/HFN. It's a promise! Find out more at CarinaPress.com/RomancePromise
Review:
This is the third book in the All Saints series. I really enjoyed the first book in this series, Come What May. Somehow I missed reading the second book, Say It Right. I plan on reading it soon. Each story is a standalone book. They are connected by sharing a location and some characters. They also seem to share events that happen in the books. As I Am is a darker story with disturbing events and a difficult subject matter. If rape, violence, and PTSD are triggers for you, you may want to reconsider this book. If you want a story that shows people overcoming impossible situations and working through their personal demons, I highly recommend this book. The plot of this story is about Will and Taz. Each has been dealt a pretty harsh life. Will was pimped out by his mother from early childhood to keep her stocked with drugs. Lucky for him he was taken away from his mother and put into the system. Now he lives in a group home and has a tremendous support system and good friends, but he still suffers from panic attacks and seeks out random one night stands. He meets Taz in a PTSD chat room and they form a strong friendship. Taz lives in the isolated world of his apartment. Afraid to leave his apartment after being attacked in college leaving him both emotionally and physically scarred Taz takes a giant step when he agrees to meet Will in person. A meeting that may put them both on a path of recovery, but may also put their lives in danger.
There is a slow build of chemistry between these two troubled young men. Each one having their own issues of trust, but as the friendship grows so does the heat between them. These two men are very protective of each other. Both of them stretch the limits of their comfort zones to make each other happy.
This is a longer story that is not only a romance, but it also has an element of suspense that will threaten the lives of our main characters. The pacing is fast and dramatic. With a difficult storyline that had me on edge during most of the story. This story does have as close to a happy ending that it could have. These characters have a long road ahead of them.
This story has great character development. The author doesn’t hold anything back detailing the lives of Will and Taz making them strong, believable characters.
PLOT 4 Stars
CHEMISTRY: 5 Stars
PACING: 4 Stars
ENDING: 4 Stars
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: 4 Stars
Review Copy of As I Am provided by the Carina Press I voluntarily reviewed an Advance Reader Copy of this book. Reviewed by Mollien from Alpha Book Club
February 13, 2017
*Copy provided to the reviewer via NetGalley for my reading pleasure in hopes of an unbiased opinion, a review was not a requirement.*
As I Am is Book 3 in A.M. Arthur's All Saints series. This book can be read on its own, but you should really read the previous books just to enjoy seeing broken men finding their happily ever afters! Out of all the books in the series, this one is emotionally harder to read as both men are severely damaged individuals and then combining those damages together is a lot. It's still a beautiful story, but it was emotionally exhausting to read.
Will is 19 and living in a halfway house, trying to find his "normal". Will had an extremely abusive childhood, where he was sold by his mother for drugs. He struggles with every day life and interactions with others, and finds himself hooking up as a way to get some form of touch in his life. He works hard to make it through every day, and really has a great support system with the halfway house, his therapist, and a former foster mother. In an effort to interact with others, but to keep his promise of not having hookups, he joins internet chat rooms and has made a friend that he connects with. One day he suggests to Taz that they meet in person, in a public place to have lunch together.
Taz panics at the thought of meeting Will, the reaction he will get to his scar, and the chance of losing the one friend he has made. Taz is a little older than Will but is a recluse due to his physical scars. When he was in college, he was attacked for dating a man and was left with severe emotional and physical scars. Whenever he would go in public, people would stare at his scars and he walled himself up in his apartment away from everyone. His long lost father came into his life while hospitalized and he's helped get Taz a job working from his home and brings anything Taz needs to him. But, Taz really wants to meet Will and despite his panic attacks, goes to the park.
The men form a relationship despite all their issues and are able to understand what the other is going through. They really do form a relationship, with the sexual side of it coming later in their relationship which may have been the most mature decision made by two young, immature men. Once they get together, things are not any easier for them. There's a lot of misunderstandings and lack of communication between the two, but that could be caused by their young side. Plus, there's the added issues when someone from Will's past comes back and it turns out that Taz's father is not who he seems.
I don't read a lot of emotionally heavy books, and this book is definitely that. Overall, I think it's a great story of two young men maturing and finding a support neither ever expected to have, but it takes a lot to get to that place.
Rating: 4 stars
As I Am is Book 3 in A.M. Arthur's All Saints series. This book can be read on its own, but you should really read the previous books just to enjoy seeing broken men finding their happily ever afters! Out of all the books in the series, this one is emotionally harder to read as both men are severely damaged individuals and then combining those damages together is a lot. It's still a beautiful story, but it was emotionally exhausting to read.
Will is 19 and living in a halfway house, trying to find his "normal". Will had an extremely abusive childhood, where he was sold by his mother for drugs. He struggles with every day life and interactions with others, and finds himself hooking up as a way to get some form of touch in his life. He works hard to make it through every day, and really has a great support system with the halfway house, his therapist, and a former foster mother. In an effort to interact with others, but to keep his promise of not having hookups, he joins internet chat rooms and has made a friend that he connects with. One day he suggests to Taz that they meet in person, in a public place to have lunch together.
Taz panics at the thought of meeting Will, the reaction he will get to his scar, and the chance of losing the one friend he has made. Taz is a little older than Will but is a recluse due to his physical scars. When he was in college, he was attacked for dating a man and was left with severe emotional and physical scars. Whenever he would go in public, people would stare at his scars and he walled himself up in his apartment away from everyone. His long lost father came into his life while hospitalized and he's helped get Taz a job working from his home and brings anything Taz needs to him. But, Taz really wants to meet Will and despite his panic attacks, goes to the park.
The men form a relationship despite all their issues and are able to understand what the other is going through. They really do form a relationship, with the sexual side of it coming later in their relationship which may have been the most mature decision made by two young, immature men. Once they get together, things are not any easier for them. There's a lot of misunderstandings and lack of communication between the two, but that could be caused by their young side. Plus, there's the added issues when someone from Will's past comes back and it turns out that Taz's father is not who he seems.
I don't read a lot of emotionally heavy books, and this book is definitely that. Overall, I think it's a great story of two young men maturing and finding a support neither ever expected to have, but it takes a lot to get to that place.
Rating: 4 stars
April 7, 2017
”No one ever said anxiety made sense”
This series deals with a lot of heavy and traumatic subjects and this book has it in spades. We follow Will and Taz, both suffering (among other things) from severe PTSD after traumatic events in their past. They meet online in a chat forum and soon a friendship is born. A friendship that will change both of their lives.
It is beautiful to see them support each other and helping the other heal, helping each other live again, to trust and to love. To really see each other for who they really are. To open up for new possibilities, and see the world and the people around them in another light.
As I Am is a book about healing and understanding. About accepting yourself and others and about living. Not just existing, but truly living your life again. About finding a love that will make you stronger.
”We make each other perfect.”
There was one thing about this book that I felt was totally unnecessary and really got me annoyed.
All saints is a wonderful, but heartbreaking series, well worth reading. It humbles you and makes you appreciate the small things in life we take for granted. These boys have had the harshest of lives. But even though they are bruised and a little bit broken, they never give up. And somewhere along the line they find acceptance and love. But the road to happiness is a long one, and at times brutal, but it’s all worth it in the end.
Trigger warnings: PTSD
May 11, 2017
As I Am is a varied pace book that starts out slow, sweet, and romantic, despite the seriously tough burdens the MCs are carrying. Then not quite halfway through, Something Happens and it becomes an angsty suspense novel. That’s not a bad thing, and it is telegraphed with a clever bit of foreshadowing, so you have time to adjust to it.
Will is agoraphobic and suffering from PTSD due to repeated sexual assaults as a child. This does not occur on-page but is referred to often, and with good reason. Will is seeing a therapist who encourages him to make contact with people. When he does, he starts with an online chat that results in a face to face meeting with a young man named Taz.
Taz has his own baggage. He is scarred from having acid thrown in his face and fears no one will ever be attracted to him. Taz also suffers from PTSD, which causes him to become immobile and unable to flee from danger or move toward safety and comfort.
As Will and Taz become more supportive of each other the idea of having sex comes up. When Will suggests it, and even comes prepared with condoms, Taz wants to hold off. Unfortunately he has one of his immobility attacks and is unable to explain what he is thinking to Will, who feels completely rebuffed and runs away.
This is all well and good, and we can see where the therapist will be able to help both young men overcome their rigidity and perhaps even function well enough to become friends or even partners. Then a horror from the past comes calling and all the good work to that point is out the window.
Carefully written, with excitement, difficulties, highs and lows before Taz and Will can reach either an HFN or an HEA. The ending is very satisfying and well worth the journey.
Will is agoraphobic and suffering from PTSD due to repeated sexual assaults as a child. This does not occur on-page but is referred to often, and with good reason. Will is seeing a therapist who encourages him to make contact with people. When he does, he starts with an online chat that results in a face to face meeting with a young man named Taz.
Taz has his own baggage. He is scarred from having acid thrown in his face and fears no one will ever be attracted to him. Taz also suffers from PTSD, which causes him to become immobile and unable to flee from danger or move toward safety and comfort.
As Will and Taz become more supportive of each other the idea of having sex comes up. When Will suggests it, and even comes prepared with condoms, Taz wants to hold off. Unfortunately he has one of his immobility attacks and is unable to explain what he is thinking to Will, who feels completely rebuffed and runs away.
This is all well and good, and we can see where the therapist will be able to help both young men overcome their rigidity and perhaps even function well enough to become friends or even partners. Then a horror from the past comes calling and all the good work to that point is out the window.
Carefully written, with excitement, difficulties, highs and lows before Taz and Will can reach either an HFN or an HEA. The ending is very satisfying and well worth the journey.
February 17, 2017
My favorite so far in this series... hands down! 4.5 - 5 stars....
The All Saints series is one of three of A.M. Arthur's series that have common threads. I love it when a series brings characters from previous books back. Especially when characters are as 'broken' as some of Arthur's. It's nice to check up on them. ;) These books take things even further by keeping readers in touch with not only characters from the current series, but with characters from past series. It seemed like As I Am had even more 'cameos' than most, but I'm not complaining. <3
I'm also pretty sure that Taz and Will might also come close to being the most broken couple that I've read in a while. Both of their back stories were heart breaking, but they were individually stronger than they gave themselves credit for. I ended up admiring them both for their courage. They had set backs and revelations were revealed that could have easily crushed them... and almost did. They held on though and learned to trust, not only each other, but people outside their tight inner circle. That circle expanded to include several supporting characters that readers had already met. As I Am made me fall in love with some of them all over again.
I'm pretty much caught up on the books in the series that are set in Wilmington, but I still have a few to go. If you want to read a few of A.M. Arthur's thoughts on her Belonging, Restoration and All Saints series, you can visit her website. It kinda makes me want to start from the beginning ;)
I received As I Am in exchange for a fair and honest review.
The All Saints series is one of three of A.M. Arthur's series that have common threads. I love it when a series brings characters from previous books back. Especially when characters are as 'broken' as some of Arthur's. It's nice to check up on them. ;) These books take things even further by keeping readers in touch with not only characters from the current series, but with characters from past series. It seemed like As I Am had even more 'cameos' than most, but I'm not complaining. <3
I'm also pretty sure that Taz and Will might also come close to being the most broken couple that I've read in a while. Both of their back stories were heart breaking, but they were individually stronger than they gave themselves credit for. I ended up admiring them both for their courage. They had set backs and revelations were revealed that could have easily crushed them... and almost did. They held on though and learned to trust, not only each other, but people outside their tight inner circle. That circle expanded to include several supporting characters that readers had already met. As I Am made me fall in love with some of them all over again.
I'm pretty much caught up on the books in the series that are set in Wilmington, but I still have a few to go. If you want to read a few of A.M. Arthur's thoughts on her Belonging, Restoration and All Saints series, you can visit her website. It kinda makes me want to start from the beginning ;)
I received As I Am in exchange for a fair and honest review.
February 9, 2017
Third in series, Will's story
I've been dying to know Will's story since the first book in this series, I had a feeling it was going to be heartbreaking and I wasn't wrong. He's only 19 but he's had a lifetime of misery at the hands of his drug addict mother and is fighting to deal with everything that happened to him and make a life for himself.
Taz had a decent life until an attack by a bigot left him scarred and anxious about leaving his apartment and interacting with other people. They meet in an online chatroom and slowly get to know and trust each other. I love Will, he has fought hard to get where he is and continues to fight every day to hold on to what he has and is learning to accept help from and trust others. His trust in Taz is put to the test but he waits to hear Taz's side of things and accepts that Taz loves him and doesn't want to hurt him.
I'm a big fan of this series and loved the cameos of couples from previous books and series. Series that I plan on reading soon.
*Received from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review
I've been dying to know Will's story since the first book in this series, I had a feeling it was going to be heartbreaking and I wasn't wrong. He's only 19 but he's had a lifetime of misery at the hands of his drug addict mother and is fighting to deal with everything that happened to him and make a life for himself.
Taz had a decent life until an attack by a bigot left him scarred and anxious about leaving his apartment and interacting with other people. They meet in an online chatroom and slowly get to know and trust each other. I love Will, he has fought hard to get where he is and continues to fight every day to hold on to what he has and is learning to accept help from and trust others. His trust in Taz is put to the test but he waits to hear Taz's side of things and accepts that Taz loves him and doesn't want to hurt him.
I'm a big fan of this series and loved the cameos of couples from previous books and series. Series that I plan on reading soon.
*Received from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review
January 28, 2017
These series are twisting and turning around on themselves. I actually love it. Will's story is traumatic, yes, but I appreciated that I could see how much he was trying to get better, and beat his demons. There were steps backwards, and forwards, each one helping him find his best self.
Taz is a better person with Will in his life. They suit each other. Once they start talking, and finding what sort of physical boundaries they need to set (what others they can break through), the story builds into a heart-warming romance.
Then there's the twisty element. I did see it coming, I must admit, but that didn't lessen the impact. The last section builds in intensity, and even though the plot threads may become a little too melodramatic, the boys' ways of coping, adapting, and accepting is really lovely.
I am being deliberating vague because it's best not to be spoiled.
Copy provided by Netgalley, read with thanks. Released February 13.
Taz is a better person with Will in his life. They suit each other. Once they start talking, and finding what sort of physical boundaries they need to set (what others they can break through), the story builds into a heart-warming romance.
Then there's the twisty element. I did see it coming, I must admit, but that didn't lessen the impact. The last section builds in intensity, and even though the plot threads may become a little too melodramatic, the boys' ways of coping, adapting, and accepting is really lovely.
I am being deliberating vague because it's best not to be spoiled.
Copy provided by Netgalley, read with thanks. Released February 13.
February 19, 2017
So far I would say this was absolutely my favorite out of the All Saints series!!! Will's story was so tragic it really touched me and made me want to cry many times throughout this book and seeing him and Taz really bond and heal each was so enduring! Taz and his dad OMG!!!! That in itself was sad being his father was at one time his whole world since Taz's hate crime.
I really loved that A.M. introduced the characters from The Belonging series into this new series, God how I loved Dr. Taggert and the rest of the gang Romy, Brendan who turned out to be fantastic friends and the rest of the characters as well.
This was a book that you didn't necessarily need to read the other books in the series but it just added to the story but if you just picked this up you would be fine and not lost. I would truly recommend reading this one!!
I really loved that A.M. introduced the characters from The Belonging series into this new series, God how I loved Dr. Taggert and the rest of the gang Romy, Brendan who turned out to be fantastic friends and the rest of the characters as well.
This was a book that you didn't necessarily need to read the other books in the series but it just added to the story but if you just picked this up you would be fine and not lost. I would truly recommend reading this one!!
September 29, 2017
~ Book provided by NetGalley in exchange for my honest opinion
I love A.M. Arthur's way of writing "broken" characters, they are so very real. Even though I don't personally struggle with the problems the characters portray I feel so very connected to them. Another thing I really like about A.M. Arthur's books is that her New Adult books take their time. There is no insta-love and I absolutely love how the characters get to know each other and fall for each other over time. I also love how we always catch up with characters from previous books.
I totally recommend her All Saints series if you want a M/M romance with some darker elements. I totally hope for a fourth installment in this series.
Rating: 4,5 stars
I love A.M. Arthur's way of writing "broken" characters, they are so very real. Even though I don't personally struggle with the problems the characters portray I feel so very connected to them. Another thing I really like about A.M. Arthur's books is that her New Adult books take their time. There is no insta-love and I absolutely love how the characters get to know each other and fall for each other over time. I also love how we always catch up with characters from previous books.
I totally recommend her All Saints series if you want a M/M romance with some darker elements. I totally hope for a fourth installment in this series.
Rating: 4,5 stars
July 24, 2017
4 Stars
A beautiful story of two damaged souls who find one another and start healing together. I had high expectations about Will's story since he has been such a prominent side character in both this and the Belonging series. He and Taz were a great couple and I appreciated the fact that the author took their individual issues very seriously and didn't make falling in love the ultimate fix. A.M. Arthur knows how to bring out the waterworks and she was successful once again with As I Am.
I received an eARC of this book from Carina Press via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
A beautiful story of two damaged souls who find one another and start healing together. I had high expectations about Will's story since he has been such a prominent side character in both this and the Belonging series. He and Taz were a great couple and I appreciated the fact that the author took their individual issues very seriously and didn't make falling in love the ultimate fix. A.M. Arthur knows how to bring out the waterworks and she was successful once again with As I Am.
I received an eARC of this book from Carina Press via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
February 3, 2017
Will's story, and what a story it was.
We have met Will previously in the All Saints series, so it was good to finally see the behind the Armour he wears. His backstory was very emotional.
Taz, well he was a complex character to read about, and I loved seeing him come out of his shell and overcome all his issues, even when everything was piling up against him - he fought through them. Inspirational.
On paper their relationship shouldn't of work, but together... they were perfect. Two broken pieces, def make a whole.
We have met Will previously in the All Saints series, so it was good to finally see the behind the Armour he wears. His backstory was very emotional.
Taz, well he was a complex character to read about, and I loved seeing him come out of his shell and overcome all his issues, even when everything was piling up against him - he fought through them. Inspirational.
On paper their relationship shouldn't of work, but together... they were perfect. Two broken pieces, def make a whole.
February 19, 2017
Review can be read at It's About The Book
4.5 stars
This is the third book in AM Arthur’s outstanding All Saints series. It can definitely be read and enjoyed as a stand-alone, however, I absolutely recommend reading and enjoying the previous two books first. In fact, this story has beginnings in the author’s Getting It Right, and dovetails with characters from that series (Restoration) as well as her Belonging series. Be aware that sexual abuse, drug use, and PTSD are major components of the story. While As I Am contains reference to the characters’ histories with such topics, it concentrates on two young men emerging from the depths of their darkness. So, take heart. Courage, guidance, healing and love are at the forefront here.
Nineteen-year- old Will has a history of sexual abuse; facilitated by a parent no less. Oh the fury this inspired in me and others in Will’s life. Severe anxiety and panic attacks have resulted in Will living on disability in a group home under the watchful eye of the ever-supportive Gloria. Will had been through horrific experiences yet possessed a base desire to rise up and find something positive in life. I appreciated this as well as the fact that he now had adults in his life who cared, most prominently his psychiatrist, Dr. Taggert. Will’s part-time volunteer work exposed him to others who helped people in need, including the staff at the All Saints center – a shelter for LGBTQ youth. Despite his past and his panic attacks, Will sought grounding via a series of hook ups – something he agreed with Dr. Taggert were not conducive to turning his life around, so he halted them. Will’s desire for sex perplexed me, given his history. The author does a bang-up job of explaining Will’s complex persona through his sessions with Dr. Taggert.
Chat rooms proved a godsend for Will. And this time he was not cruising for sex. On the Internet he didn’t need to be face-to-face while meeting people, they could talk and feel each other out, without even needing to share a photo. What a great thing for someone with panic attacks. In the chatroom Will hit it off with Taz, another young man who also suffered from panic attacks and PTSD, as well as near agorophobia. These two really understood each other. Will convinces Taz to meet in person and what transpires from there is an utterly inspiring exploration of two damaged souls finding strength in each other. Will and Taz learn to trust and explore, not only their burgeoning attraction to each other, but the world around them.
The story starts on a rather clinical note, and builds carefully as the reader really gets a chance to understand what makes Will tick – what has made him who he is at this point. I found this to be a beautiful approach. Will’s issues were nothing that were going to be resolved quickly or miraculously. Will is definitely a character that I felt as though I were following around; ready to catch him if he fell while also cheering on his victories, no matter how small. Taz proved no different! I’m purposely not going to outline what Taz’s specifics background is, I feel the reader should discover and explore this on the same timeline as Will does. The story is told in third person, so the reader knows exactly what is going on in both Taz and Will’s heads.
As Will and Taz navigated their new friendship, it steadily – and quickly – turned to deeper feelings and a romantic connection. Every bit of interaction between these two felt completely authentic to me: two steps forward one step back, learning their way around one another’s quirks, taking kindness at face value and not being suspicious, knowing they could mess up and still be loved.
The running thread of a criminal investigation involving people who had contributed to Will’s abuse adds solid elements of tension, uncertainty and surprise to the story.
The icing on this story is how the author folds in favorite characters from her Belonging series. If you are fans, you will cheer at their inclusion and the roles they play in bolstering Will and Taz. You will also cheer at a particularly romantic moment between two of them. Even if you are not already familiar with these characters from Arthur’s other stories, it is evident that they all have overcome burdens of their own and genuinely want to befriend and help Will and Taz. I’m sure you’ll cheer too!
Thank you AM Arthur for taking it to heart when fans asked you: “Whatever happened to Will?” You’ve given us the answer in a moving story that combines pain, grit, hope, bravery, friendship and love.
4.5 stars
This is the third book in AM Arthur’s outstanding All Saints series. It can definitely be read and enjoyed as a stand-alone, however, I absolutely recommend reading and enjoying the previous two books first. In fact, this story has beginnings in the author’s Getting It Right, and dovetails with characters from that series (Restoration) as well as her Belonging series. Be aware that sexual abuse, drug use, and PTSD are major components of the story. While As I Am contains reference to the characters’ histories with such topics, it concentrates on two young men emerging from the depths of their darkness. So, take heart. Courage, guidance, healing and love are at the forefront here.
Nineteen-year- old Will has a history of sexual abuse; facilitated by a parent no less. Oh the fury this inspired in me and others in Will’s life. Severe anxiety and panic attacks have resulted in Will living on disability in a group home under the watchful eye of the ever-supportive Gloria. Will had been through horrific experiences yet possessed a base desire to rise up and find something positive in life. I appreciated this as well as the fact that he now had adults in his life who cared, most prominently his psychiatrist, Dr. Taggert. Will’s part-time volunteer work exposed him to others who helped people in need, including the staff at the All Saints center – a shelter for LGBTQ youth. Despite his past and his panic attacks, Will sought grounding via a series of hook ups – something he agreed with Dr. Taggert were not conducive to turning his life around, so he halted them. Will’s desire for sex perplexed me, given his history. The author does a bang-up job of explaining Will’s complex persona through his sessions with Dr. Taggert.
Chat rooms proved a godsend for Will. And this time he was not cruising for sex. On the Internet he didn’t need to be face-to-face while meeting people, they could talk and feel each other out, without even needing to share a photo. What a great thing for someone with panic attacks. In the chatroom Will hit it off with Taz, another young man who also suffered from panic attacks and PTSD, as well as near agorophobia. These two really understood each other. Will convinces Taz to meet in person and what transpires from there is an utterly inspiring exploration of two damaged souls finding strength in each other. Will and Taz learn to trust and explore, not only their burgeoning attraction to each other, but the world around them.
The story starts on a rather clinical note, and builds carefully as the reader really gets a chance to understand what makes Will tick – what has made him who he is at this point. I found this to be a beautiful approach. Will’s issues were nothing that were going to be resolved quickly or miraculously. Will is definitely a character that I felt as though I were following around; ready to catch him if he fell while also cheering on his victories, no matter how small. Taz proved no different! I’m purposely not going to outline what Taz’s specifics background is, I feel the reader should discover and explore this on the same timeline as Will does. The story is told in third person, so the reader knows exactly what is going on in both Taz and Will’s heads.
As Will and Taz navigated their new friendship, it steadily – and quickly – turned to deeper feelings and a romantic connection. Every bit of interaction between these two felt completely authentic to me: two steps forward one step back, learning their way around one another’s quirks, taking kindness at face value and not being suspicious, knowing they could mess up and still be loved.
The running thread of a criminal investigation involving people who had contributed to Will’s abuse adds solid elements of tension, uncertainty and surprise to the story.
The icing on this story is how the author folds in favorite characters from her Belonging series. If you are fans, you will cheer at their inclusion and the roles they play in bolstering Will and Taz. You will also cheer at a particularly romantic moment between two of them. Even if you are not already familiar with these characters from Arthur’s other stories, it is evident that they all have overcome burdens of their own and genuinely want to befriend and help Will and Taz. I’m sure you’ll cheer too!
Thank you AM Arthur for taking it to heart when fans asked you: “Whatever happened to Will?” You’ve given us the answer in a moving story that combines pain, grit, hope, bravery, friendship and love.
February 16, 2017
4 Stars!!!
As I Am is book 3 in the All Saints series and can be read as a standalone, but really the previous books are really good so you'll missing out if you don't read them at some point.
Will is healing and getting past some of the awful things he had to live through in the past five years with the help of his therapist, even if he still suffers from panic attacks every once in a while. After meeting Taz online, who suffers from PTSD, he thinks he might have found a kindred spirit and finally meeting him in person only cements that fact.
Taz has barely left his apartment ever since one of his wrestling teammates threw acid to his face when he came out as bisexual, but something about Will makes him want to try. They are both broken, but somehow together they are stronger and the chemistry between them is undeniable. There are a few things that might put a damper on their growing relationship, though.
I loved both Will and Taz, they were flawed, broken characters that had gone through so much already. My heart broke with each new revelation, but at the same time, I loved seeing how perfect they were for each other and how much they helped the other with their issues. They gave each other strength, unconditional love and someone to rely on. That's not to say they didn't have problems, because they did. They were so young and immature in some senses, miscommunication, a surprising reveal regarding Taz' father and their own ghosts being obstacles in their course, but I adored that they were willing to work through things and make it better. Taz, especially, won me over by how sweet and caring he was with Will and how he always tried to reassure him of his unwavering feelings, no matter what Will told him of his past.
This book was hard to read, it deals with abuse, PTSD and anxiety, but it does it in a sensitive and informed manner. A.M. Arthur did a fantastic job bringing Will and Taz alive for me, making me care for them and rejoice in their small victories. It was nice seeing characters from other books from this author featured in this one, they gave depth to the story, by accepting Will and Taz into their fold. As I Am was well-written and the progression was realistic and believable, all things considered. Very recommendable!
*** Copy provided to the reviewer via NetGalley for my reading pleasure, a review wasn't a requirement. ***
As I Am is book 3 in the All Saints series and can be read as a standalone, but really the previous books are really good so you'll missing out if you don't read them at some point.
Will is healing and getting past some of the awful things he had to live through in the past five years with the help of his therapist, even if he still suffers from panic attacks every once in a while. After meeting Taz online, who suffers from PTSD, he thinks he might have found a kindred spirit and finally meeting him in person only cements that fact.
Taz has barely left his apartment ever since one of his wrestling teammates threw acid to his face when he came out as bisexual, but something about Will makes him want to try. They are both broken, but somehow together they are stronger and the chemistry between them is undeniable. There are a few things that might put a damper on their growing relationship, though.
I loved both Will and Taz, they were flawed, broken characters that had gone through so much already. My heart broke with each new revelation, but at the same time, I loved seeing how perfect they were for each other and how much they helped the other with their issues. They gave each other strength, unconditional love and someone to rely on. That's not to say they didn't have problems, because they did. They were so young and immature in some senses, miscommunication, a surprising reveal regarding Taz' father and their own ghosts being obstacles in their course, but I adored that they were willing to work through things and make it better. Taz, especially, won me over by how sweet and caring he was with Will and how he always tried to reassure him of his unwavering feelings, no matter what Will told him of his past.
This book was hard to read, it deals with abuse, PTSD and anxiety, but it does it in a sensitive and informed manner. A.M. Arthur did a fantastic job bringing Will and Taz alive for me, making me care for them and rejoice in their small victories. It was nice seeing characters from other books from this author featured in this one, they gave depth to the story, by accepting Will and Taz into their fold. As I Am was well-written and the progression was realistic and believable, all things considered. Very recommendable!
*** Copy provided to the reviewer via NetGalley for my reading pleasure, a review wasn't a requirement. ***
July 2, 2017
As I Am, book three in AM Arthur’s All Saints series, is a contemporary M/M that packs an emotional punch. Seriously. Buy stock in tissues before reading. Will Madden suffers from severe anxiety, an eating disorder, and PTSD brought on by sexual abuse and neglect as a child and teen. His mental health issues have limited in a myriad of ways, especially socially. He finally finds a friend in Taz Zachary. Taz has suffered his own abuses, and against all odds the two men help each other discover the lights in themselves.
There was not one element of As I Am that I didn’t adore. Will and Taz are the perfect complements to each other and Arthur had me rooting for their HEA from the beginning of the book. It’s rare to find a book that depicts mental illness so realistically, but As I Am stands out as among the best. Neither the illnesses nor the healing was demonized nor glorified. The men did not walk off into the sunset “cured”. They did, however, learn to cope together and individually.
In addition to all of that, As I Am is well-written with a superb cast of characters, both main and supporting. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants an emotional roller coaster.
Reviewed by Liz Cat for Crystal's Many Reviewers
Copy provided for review
There was not one element of As I Am that I didn’t adore. Will and Taz are the perfect complements to each other and Arthur had me rooting for their HEA from the beginning of the book. It’s rare to find a book that depicts mental illness so realistically, but As I Am stands out as among the best. Neither the illnesses nor the healing was demonized nor glorified. The men did not walk off into the sunset “cured”. They did, however, learn to cope together and individually.
In addition to all of that, As I Am is well-written with a superb cast of characters, both main and supporting. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants an emotional roller coaster.
Reviewed by Liz Cat for Crystal's Many Reviewers
Copy provided for review
December 31, 2017
I had really hoped to like this more than I did. I've enjoyed almost all of A.M.'s books in the past but I can't say this series overall did much for me. There's a lot of visits from past characters; which is always fun. However, I may just be bored with this world they all interact in. I also must admit I'm in a place where I've been requiring a bit more edgy and gripping stories. This does have a bit of a mystery running in the background but it ends up being pretty anti-climatic in the final pages. And both MC's are dealing with some serious past traumas but everything still stays of a light and too perfect scale. Nothing is really raw or heart-pumping or edge of your seat intense. And because I'm at a place in my reading that I want these things in my stories, this just didn't meet my current frame of mind in my reading journey. The writing is good and the story well paced and developed. It's just not the cup of tea I've been seeking. By no means would I discourage anyone reading this story but I wouldn't rave about it either. Hope others will find what they are looking for in it. Happy reading to all!
January 24, 2018
UPDATE: ALSO! WHO JUST HAS ACID ON HAND AT A COLLEGE WRESTLING MATCH?
Like? no one thinks that's strange? it was jest at the ready? sitting in the bleachers or something?
I feel like this author just wrote the most damaged characters she could possibly imagine to try and drum-up some interest in the story, but it all just felt like shock value.
Yes, some people go through these sorts of things, but it was handled so falsely. Has this author ever met an abuse victim? Talked to a gay teen? Cause it takes some balls to write a 15 year old sex slave scene.
I tried one of her books before, and this will be the last one from me.
I like stories where the author "shows" not just "tells"... But this whole books felt like her leading me around by hand, describing every emotion in painful detail without ever showing it.
i.e. "Will was sad. Will was freaking out. Will was having a panic attack. Will felt terrible."
I hate to say it, but this is just bad writing. More for cheap titillation and fast turnaround than good storytelling.
Like? no one thinks that's strange? it was jest at the ready? sitting in the bleachers or something?
I feel like this author just wrote the most damaged characters she could possibly imagine to try and drum-up some interest in the story, but it all just felt like shock value.
Yes, some people go through these sorts of things, but it was handled so falsely. Has this author ever met an abuse victim? Talked to a gay teen? Cause it takes some balls to write a 15 year old sex slave scene.
I tried one of her books before, and this will be the last one from me.
I like stories where the author "shows" not just "tells"... But this whole books felt like her leading me around by hand, describing every emotion in painful detail without ever showing it.
i.e. "Will was sad. Will was freaking out. Will was having a panic attack. Will felt terrible."
I hate to say it, but this is just bad writing. More for cheap titillation and fast turnaround than good storytelling.
September 1, 2017
I like stories with people who have psycological challenges, and having BOTH MCs struggling with something is an interesting premise. However, the MCs felt much younger than they were, and I would have liked there to be more focus on their struggles (and maybe even some drama). It was all easy glides after meeting each other, and that gives for a boring read.
January 6, 2018
I dislike coincidences, and here there are at least two big ones. Plus everybody is gay. Add too much horror in their past, which keeps coming back (exploitation of the shock factor ?), and drama in their present... It’s nice that they do find each other though.
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