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It's Called "Polyamory": Coming Out About Your Nonmonogamous Relationships
Even in progressive families and communities, people who practice nonmonogamy are susceptible to misinformation and accusations of moral and emotional failings. Facing this requires its own coming out and education process. In this guide, Tamara Pincus and Rebecca Hiles provide a roadmap for explaining the expansive intricacies of the consensual nonmonogamy spectrum. By fusing personal experience and community research, they break down the various incarnations of polyamorous relationship structures, polyamory's intersections with race and gender, and the seemingly esoteric jargon of the lifestyle.Topics include everything from how to explain what a "unicorn hunter" is to answering questions like, "Can poly people raise children?" and "Can they live normal, healthy lives?" Such conversations are eloquently explained and the real dangers of being out as poly in a monogamy-centered society are laid bare.
208 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 2017
27 people are currently reading
657 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
February 17, 2021
FINALLY, a Polyamory 201-level book! I have read SO so many polyam 101 books focusing on the basics of relationships, jealousy, logistics, and communication, it was incredibly refreshing to skip past the same ol’, same ol’ and get to some new material. The book, however, was a little bit too “real.” (In a very important way.) It reminded me just how far we have yet to go for equality and justice in our cultural and governmental systems. As I’ve grown older, I’ve found fewer and fewer peers who are practicing, knowledgeable, and supportive of polyamory, so I’ve had to revisit the topic of coming out more recently, and with a more “adult” mindset than in my 20’s and early 30’s. This book provided much to think about as far as my safety and comfort, and the safety and comfort of loved ones. Who’d have thunk I’d have to worry about this stuff in Portland, Oregon, one of the most “liberal” cities in the world? But here we are.
Thank you for this book. More Polyamory 201 and 301 books, please.
Thank you for this book. More Polyamory 201 and 301 books, please.
April 15, 2022
I've done my research, read the books and articles, joined the communities, attended talks, asked questions and all that jazz to learn and advocate for polyamory. But this book? *chefs kiss* This had it all. Laid out succinctly and in easy to consume chapters covering various aspects of polyamory, this was the best book I've read yet on the topic. I'll be putting this into people's hands from now on when I come out to them.
October 19, 2017
Finally a book about polyamory that isn't all about couples!
Thorough and yet brief, this is a practical guide to coming out as polamorous. I especially enjoyed the section on ettique within the community. I really appreciate when a book about polyamory defaults to the voice of the individual and avoids the assumption that the reader is in a couple or hierarchical relationship.
Thorough and yet brief, this is a practical guide to coming out as polamorous. I especially enjoyed the section on ettique within the community. I really appreciate when a book about polyamory defaults to the voice of the individual and avoids the assumption that the reader is in a couple or hierarchical relationship.
January 14, 2025
Some advice did get repetitive towards the end
January 9, 2018
As the author says early on, this book is primary relevant to the American context so not everything applies here in NZ where the legal system and culture are different. Even so, there's some reasonable advice about what to consider prior to coming out to various people in your life. I particularly enjoyed reading the narratives that were based on people's real life experiences and how varied they were.
January 5, 2025
I picked this up in hopes it could help me come out to my family, and discovered a great resource. This is intended for a person who's already read most of the polyamory 101 literature, which is nice as well.
Realistic without becoming fatalistic, the authors speak frankly on the challenges (legally and socially) of coming out as polyamorous within the United States and offer stories from other polyam people's experiences. It provides compassion both for the polyamorist who's seeking to come out and the person who is being come out to, often reminding that a past experience with cheating or religion can influence their mindset on polyamory. Definitely would pick this up again.
Realistic without becoming fatalistic, the authors speak frankly on the challenges (legally and socially) of coming out as polyamorous within the United States and offer stories from other polyam people's experiences. It provides compassion both for the polyamorist who's seeking to come out and the person who is being come out to, often reminding that a past experience with cheating or religion can influence their mindset on polyamory. Definitely would pick this up again.
October 10, 2017
What an informative read!
It's called "Polyamory" is a straight-forward guide to coming out under the widely misunderstood label of polyamory/polyamorous (poly) and non-monogamy in general. Coming out as a targeted sex or gender minority is a difficult and stressful process and there are few resources available to help people communicate more effectively to their friends, loved ones, partners, co-workers, professors, or community in general when discussing a sensitive topic which applies to them personally. Kendra Holliday opens the book with a heart breaking forward about coming out as sex positive (sex+) and suffering the consequences of being cast into obscurity by a conservative community which fails or refuses to understand her. It is a powerful reminder of why coming out on your own terms, even after having assessed the cost-benefit analysis of the decision, can be emotionally taxing or even financially or physically dangerous. Facing adversity, as Tamara and Rebecca point out, has clear benefits for the individual and for gender and sex minorities as a whole given that if one must hide to be accepted by their friends then those friendships have little value to the hidden and to demonstrate that said minorities are actually whole and complex human beings deserving of respect and acceptance is to fight not only for your acceptance but the additional acceptance of those minorities which will follow in your footsteps. Equal parts inspiring and informative, this guide to coming out as poly has several attributes which make it standout on the bookshelf of poly literature:
A Powerful Awareness of Intersectionality
The authors are aptly aware of the fact that to take on the poly label is to take on yet another stigmatized identity if the individual is a person of color, lower class economic standing and/or additionally identifies outside of the gender binary or within the Queer umbrella. The authors are sympathetic to these issues and stress the importance of assessing the risk of coming out holistically, applying the context of their identity to their specific culture. Each story of coming out as poly is presented within the context of that persons race, orientation, and gender identity so that the reader can better understand the person behind the story
Acceptance of Mistakes
Sexuality and romance are difficult paradigms of the human experience and people will make mistakes. The authors stress the importance of falling forward and learning from mistakes by owning up to their responsibilities. Controversially, this is expressed through their treatment of those who violated to agreements of their existing relationship(s) through cheating. Within the poly community cheating is perhaps the ultimate taboo, and the authors defy this stigma by suggesting that we extend sympathy, understanding, and compassion to all parties involved in the affair(s) and use the situation as an opportunity to grow rather than an opportunity to shame. This is a powerful demonstration of sympathy that ought not be overlooked within, and without, poly circles.
Honest about Risk
Tamara and Rebecca note that the poly community has "unconsciously, to a large degree" mirrored the patterns of the gay rights movement and the pressures to come out that come with that style of activism. Consequently, it is important to remember that there are very valid reasons to choose to stay in the closet with respect to the complexity of an individuals circumstances. The authors are honest about the risks involved in coming out and extend sympathy to those who choose to not be transparent in their sex and romantic endeavors.
The stories at the end of each chapter regarding the coming out process are honest and diverse in terms of outcomes. One story might demonstrate someone suffering such intense prejudice you may wonder if coming out is worth the risk and by the end of the next story you'll be leaping out of your seat excited to come out and to be accepted for who you are. Although I have some experience with poly groups in San Diego where I was born and raised, I now live in Peoria, IL for school and lack the context of community to better understand this aspect of my life, the stories of successful poly people are really inspirational and the resources in the back of the book are presented well enough to promote the connection and cultivation of community for those who may by choice or circumstance be disconnected from other poly folks.
As a whole I think that this work positively affected the way I assess risk and return in the coming out process. Having made many of the "classic poly mistakes" in my short but intense poly career, I greatly appreciated the advice that this book gives to those who might be new to the scene and lost in terms of how people might perceive them so that they may avoid mistakes in their own lives. That said, this book functions well both as a text to be read in its entirety and as a reference from which to seek inspiration and guidance later on. Whether coming out (or not coming out) as polyamorous, gay, lesbian, transsexual, a-sexual, or any sex or gender minority, the information between these pages offer important advice and lessons about how to more effectively communicate with loved ones and to be prepared with more realistic expectations.
It's called "Polyamory" is a straight-forward guide to coming out under the widely misunderstood label of polyamory/polyamorous (poly) and non-monogamy in general. Coming out as a targeted sex or gender minority is a difficult and stressful process and there are few resources available to help people communicate more effectively to their friends, loved ones, partners, co-workers, professors, or community in general when discussing a sensitive topic which applies to them personally. Kendra Holliday opens the book with a heart breaking forward about coming out as sex positive (sex+) and suffering the consequences of being cast into obscurity by a conservative community which fails or refuses to understand her. It is a powerful reminder of why coming out on your own terms, even after having assessed the cost-benefit analysis of the decision, can be emotionally taxing or even financially or physically dangerous. Facing adversity, as Tamara and Rebecca point out, has clear benefits for the individual and for gender and sex minorities as a whole given that if one must hide to be accepted by their friends then those friendships have little value to the hidden and to demonstrate that said minorities are actually whole and complex human beings deserving of respect and acceptance is to fight not only for your acceptance but the additional acceptance of those minorities which will follow in your footsteps. Equal parts inspiring and informative, this guide to coming out as poly has several attributes which make it standout on the bookshelf of poly literature:
A Powerful Awareness of Intersectionality
The authors are aptly aware of the fact that to take on the poly label is to take on yet another stigmatized identity if the individual is a person of color, lower class economic standing and/or additionally identifies outside of the gender binary or within the Queer umbrella. The authors are sympathetic to these issues and stress the importance of assessing the risk of coming out holistically, applying the context of their identity to their specific culture. Each story of coming out as poly is presented within the context of that persons race, orientation, and gender identity so that the reader can better understand the person behind the story
Acceptance of Mistakes
Sexuality and romance are difficult paradigms of the human experience and people will make mistakes. The authors stress the importance of falling forward and learning from mistakes by owning up to their responsibilities. Controversially, this is expressed through their treatment of those who violated to agreements of their existing relationship(s) through cheating. Within the poly community cheating is perhaps the ultimate taboo, and the authors defy this stigma by suggesting that we extend sympathy, understanding, and compassion to all parties involved in the affair(s) and use the situation as an opportunity to grow rather than an opportunity to shame. This is a powerful demonstration of sympathy that ought not be overlooked within, and without, poly circles.
Honest about Risk
Tamara and Rebecca note that the poly community has "unconsciously, to a large degree" mirrored the patterns of the gay rights movement and the pressures to come out that come with that style of activism. Consequently, it is important to remember that there are very valid reasons to choose to stay in the closet with respect to the complexity of an individuals circumstances. The authors are honest about the risks involved in coming out and extend sympathy to those who choose to not be transparent in their sex and romantic endeavors.
The stories at the end of each chapter regarding the coming out process are honest and diverse in terms of outcomes. One story might demonstrate someone suffering such intense prejudice you may wonder if coming out is worth the risk and by the end of the next story you'll be leaping out of your seat excited to come out and to be accepted for who you are. Although I have some experience with poly groups in San Diego where I was born and raised, I now live in Peoria, IL for school and lack the context of community to better understand this aspect of my life, the stories of successful poly people are really inspirational and the resources in the back of the book are presented well enough to promote the connection and cultivation of community for those who may by choice or circumstance be disconnected from other poly folks.
As a whole I think that this work positively affected the way I assess risk and return in the coming out process. Having made many of the "classic poly mistakes" in my short but intense poly career, I greatly appreciated the advice that this book gives to those who might be new to the scene and lost in terms of how people might perceive them so that they may avoid mistakes in their own lives. That said, this book functions well both as a text to be read in its entirety and as a reference from which to seek inspiration and guidance later on. Whether coming out (or not coming out) as polyamorous, gay, lesbian, transsexual, a-sexual, or any sex or gender minority, the information between these pages offer important advice and lessons about how to more effectively communicate with loved ones and to be prepared with more realistic expectations.
August 10, 2019
Having recently begun an open marriage, this book was a valuable resource. It gave me the starting vocabulary, as well as the practical realities that polyamourous, monogamish, and non-monogamous individuals face both personally, professionally, and socially. Pincus provides her reader with facts and real stories from people who have practiced this lifestyle for years or even just starting, and the reader then is given a good general introduction as to what to expect from an open relationship model.
I would give this book to any reader who's considered whether they're right for polyamoury, or even if they know someone who is and would simply like to know more.
I would give this book to any reader who's considered whether they're right for polyamoury, or even if they know someone who is and would simply like to know more.
August 16, 2019
This book provides exactly what it sets out to. It's probably going into my to top three recommended polyamory books for new folks.
This is an excellent resource about coming out as polyamorous in a variety of context. I'm a sucker for anecdotes and personal stories and this book delivers on that beautifully, but they're also gather at the end of the chapter so if they aren't your bag you can easily skip them without feeling disjointed.
It also includes some nice, light coverage, advice on being new to polyamory.
This is an excellent resource about coming out as polyamorous in a variety of context. I'm a sucker for anecdotes and personal stories and this book delivers on that beautifully, but they're also gather at the end of the chapter so if they aren't your bag you can easily skip them without feeling disjointed.
It also includes some nice, light coverage, advice on being new to polyamory.
December 24, 2024
Coming Out About Your Nonmonogamous Relationships offers a thoughtful and deeply needed exploration of navigating visibility in polyamorous relationships, though it occasionally grapples with the inherent tension between personal advocacy and practical guidance.
★★★★☆ (4/5 Stars)
As someone immersed in polyam spaces, I deeply appreciate how Pincus and Hiles tackle the complex intersection of identity disclosure and relationship dynamics. Their work resonates particularly well with those of us who've navigated the delicate dance of visibility in professional, family, and social spheres.
Thematic Depth:
The authors deftly explore the parallel between queer coming out narratives and polyam disclosure experiences while acknowledging crucial differences. Their nuanced treatment of kitchen table versus parallel poly styles in the context of disclosure decisions shows a sophisticated understanding of how relationship structures influence visibility choices.
The book particularly shines in its examination of metamour dynamics during disclosure processes. The authors understand that coming out often involves negotiating not just your own boundaries but those of your entire polycule - a complexity often overlooked in other texts.
Writing Style and Voice:
The prose strikes a delicate balance between validation and practical guidance. Their discussion of spoon theory in relation to disclosure energy particularly resonates with those of us who've experienced disclosure fatigue. The authors' use of "coming in" versus "coming out" frameworks offers a fresh perspective on disclosure as community building rather than just external declaration.
Critical Considerations:
While the book excels at addressing multiple disclosure scenarios, its treatment of polyam visibility in professional settings could benefit from more detailed strategies for different workplace cultures. The section on managing social media presence across multiple relationships feels particularly relevant but could use expansion given today's digital landscape.
Cultural Context:
The authors demonstrate awareness of how different intersecting identities impact disclosure decisions, though their analysis of polyam visibility within various cultural communities could go deeper. Their framework for assessing disclosure risks acknowledges both privilege and vulnerability factors in ways that feel authentic rather than performative.
Notable Strengths:
- Excellent discussion of consent in disclosure across polycules
- Strong emphasis on harm reduction in disclosure strategies
- Practical scripts for different disclosure scenarios
- Nuanced treatment of partial disclosure options
Areas for Development:
- Could explore hierarchical poly disclosure dynamics more deeply
- Digital privacy strategies need expansion
- More guidance needed on managing unexpected outing situations
- Additional resources for supporting partners through their own disclosure journeys
The book particularly excels in its treatment of disclosure timing, offering valuable insights about the "relationship escalator" and how traditional coming out narratives may not serve polyam experiences. Their analysis of how different relationship structures (from kitchen table to parallel) influence disclosure decisions demonstrates deep understanding of real-world polyam dynamics.
Personal Resonance:
As someone who's navigated various levels of outness across different life spheres, I found their framework for assessing disclosure readiness particularly valuable. Their treatment of "poly saturation points" in relation to disclosure energy management offers language for experiences many of us have felt but struggled to articulate.
Recommended for:
- Polyam folks contemplating increased visibility
- Those supporting partners through disclosure processes
- Community organizers navigating public/private boundaries
- Anyone interested in ethical frameworks for relationship disclosure
Despite its few limitations, this work makes a vital contribution to polyam literature, offering both practical guidance and theoretical framework for approaching visibility in nonmonogamous relationships. The authors' blend of personal wisdom and structured guidance creates a valuable resource for navigating the complex terrain of polyam disclosure.
The book succeeds in acknowledging that coming out is not a one-time event but an ongoing process of negotiating visibility across different life domains. Its emphasis on consent and harm reduction in disclosure decisions reflects contemporary polyam community values while offering practical tools for implementation.
★★★★☆ (4/5 Stars)
As someone immersed in polyam spaces, I deeply appreciate how Pincus and Hiles tackle the complex intersection of identity disclosure and relationship dynamics. Their work resonates particularly well with those of us who've navigated the delicate dance of visibility in professional, family, and social spheres.
Thematic Depth:
The authors deftly explore the parallel between queer coming out narratives and polyam disclosure experiences while acknowledging crucial differences. Their nuanced treatment of kitchen table versus parallel poly styles in the context of disclosure decisions shows a sophisticated understanding of how relationship structures influence visibility choices.
The book particularly shines in its examination of metamour dynamics during disclosure processes. The authors understand that coming out often involves negotiating not just your own boundaries but those of your entire polycule - a complexity often overlooked in other texts.
Writing Style and Voice:
The prose strikes a delicate balance between validation and practical guidance. Their discussion of spoon theory in relation to disclosure energy particularly resonates with those of us who've experienced disclosure fatigue. The authors' use of "coming in" versus "coming out" frameworks offers a fresh perspective on disclosure as community building rather than just external declaration.
Critical Considerations:
While the book excels at addressing multiple disclosure scenarios, its treatment of polyam visibility in professional settings could benefit from more detailed strategies for different workplace cultures. The section on managing social media presence across multiple relationships feels particularly relevant but could use expansion given today's digital landscape.
Cultural Context:
The authors demonstrate awareness of how different intersecting identities impact disclosure decisions, though their analysis of polyam visibility within various cultural communities could go deeper. Their framework for assessing disclosure risks acknowledges both privilege and vulnerability factors in ways that feel authentic rather than performative.
Notable Strengths:
- Excellent discussion of consent in disclosure across polycules
- Strong emphasis on harm reduction in disclosure strategies
- Practical scripts for different disclosure scenarios
- Nuanced treatment of partial disclosure options
Areas for Development:
- Could explore hierarchical poly disclosure dynamics more deeply
- Digital privacy strategies need expansion
- More guidance needed on managing unexpected outing situations
- Additional resources for supporting partners through their own disclosure journeys
The book particularly excels in its treatment of disclosure timing, offering valuable insights about the "relationship escalator" and how traditional coming out narratives may not serve polyam experiences. Their analysis of how different relationship structures (from kitchen table to parallel) influence disclosure decisions demonstrates deep understanding of real-world polyam dynamics.
Personal Resonance:
As someone who's navigated various levels of outness across different life spheres, I found their framework for assessing disclosure readiness particularly valuable. Their treatment of "poly saturation points" in relation to disclosure energy management offers language for experiences many of us have felt but struggled to articulate.
Recommended for:
- Polyam folks contemplating increased visibility
- Those supporting partners through disclosure processes
- Community organizers navigating public/private boundaries
- Anyone interested in ethical frameworks for relationship disclosure
Despite its few limitations, this work makes a vital contribution to polyam literature, offering both practical guidance and theoretical framework for approaching visibility in nonmonogamous relationships. The authors' blend of personal wisdom and structured guidance creates a valuable resource for navigating the complex terrain of polyam disclosure.
The book succeeds in acknowledging that coming out is not a one-time event but an ongoing process of negotiating visibility across different life domains. Its emphasis on consent and harm reduction in disclosure decisions reflects contemporary polyam community values while offering practical tools for implementation.
December 27, 2019
I can highly recommend this book to everyone who is identifying as poly, thinking about nonmonogamy in general or just interested in the topic. The book gives you the pros and cons of a coming out and discusses several risks with short coming out stories at the end of every chapter.
There are sad stories of people losing their job or custody for their kids or at least family and friends after they came out. These are risks everyone should be aware of before coming out and the book gives a great amount of awareness of these risks. Most people are still really judgy when it comes to nonmonogamy – we all learned that monogamy is the only right way and many people got hurt through a cheating partner, so they fear poly folks might be a thread to their beliefs/society. Explaining that nonmonogamy/polyamory does mean consent for everyone involved, honesty and sexual health awareness can get really frustrating, because most people just don't want to think about it – the book gives you a good understanding why that might be the case and how to deal with every kind of reaction in a empathetic way. Coming out can trigger peoples hurt feelings and they might project their own bad experiences with a cheating partner on nonmonogamy.
Anyway, the possibility of being yourself without getting judged and not being forced to hide your partner(s), so they can be a part of your life, is important. And it would be nice if society would get a little more sex positive and accepting when it comes to different relationship styles in general. The book is a really good guide on how to come out in the most positive way possible, how to show them that nonmonogamy is your personal choice that makes you and everyone involved happy and that nobody's getting coerced into something they don't want.
I wish I've had known this book earlier – I came out as poly to myself years ago, discussed it with my husband 3 years after that and waited some more years for him to think it over, because I absolutely did not want to coerce him in any way. Waiting that long for an answer was frustrating, though, I think reading this book would've given me some guidance in how to speak about it more open, confidential and positive. My coming out style was more like one big excuse of who I am, but in the end he challenged his own beliefs and tried it and I really appreciate it – our relationship and trust only got stronger and we have some really good working arrangements so far, no drama or hurt feelings included.
I also came out to two of my best friends who had bad experiences with cheating exes, – I'm glad that both friends accept it by now and that I can talk about it and be who I am, but the first few conversations were a little tense.
My experience with speaking about nonmonogamy is, that many people react like you just told them you consider murdering some cute kittens. I hope this read will help me to navigate the conversations towards the positive aspects and at least make people understand that they have nothing to fear, that (hopefully) nobody will coerce them into stuff they don't want and when done right nonmonogamy is consensual and that it would be really nice if they would at least reconsider their prejudices.
There are sad stories of people losing their job or custody for their kids or at least family and friends after they came out. These are risks everyone should be aware of before coming out and the book gives a great amount of awareness of these risks. Most people are still really judgy when it comes to nonmonogamy – we all learned that monogamy is the only right way and many people got hurt through a cheating partner, so they fear poly folks might be a thread to their beliefs/society. Explaining that nonmonogamy/polyamory does mean consent for everyone involved, honesty and sexual health awareness can get really frustrating, because most people just don't want to think about it – the book gives you a good understanding why that might be the case and how to deal with every kind of reaction in a empathetic way. Coming out can trigger peoples hurt feelings and they might project their own bad experiences with a cheating partner on nonmonogamy.
Anyway, the possibility of being yourself without getting judged and not being forced to hide your partner(s), so they can be a part of your life, is important. And it would be nice if society would get a little more sex positive and accepting when it comes to different relationship styles in general. The book is a really good guide on how to come out in the most positive way possible, how to show them that nonmonogamy is your personal choice that makes you and everyone involved happy and that nobody's getting coerced into something they don't want.
I wish I've had known this book earlier – I came out as poly to myself years ago, discussed it with my husband 3 years after that and waited some more years for him to think it over, because I absolutely did not want to coerce him in any way. Waiting that long for an answer was frustrating, though, I think reading this book would've given me some guidance in how to speak about it more open, confidential and positive. My coming out style was more like one big excuse of who I am, but in the end he challenged his own beliefs and tried it and I really appreciate it – our relationship and trust only got stronger and we have some really good working arrangements so far, no drama or hurt feelings included.
I also came out to two of my best friends who had bad experiences with cheating exes, – I'm glad that both friends accept it by now and that I can talk about it and be who I am, but the first few conversations were a little tense.
My experience with speaking about nonmonogamy is, that many people react like you just told them you consider murdering some cute kittens. I hope this read will help me to navigate the conversations towards the positive aspects and at least make people understand that they have nothing to fear, that (hopefully) nobody will coerce them into stuff they don't want and when done right nonmonogamy is consensual and that it would be really nice if they would at least reconsider their prejudices.
October 19, 2017
Thorough and yet brief, this is a practical guide to coming out as polamorous. I especially enjoyed the section on ettique within the community. I really appreciate when a book about polyamory defaults to the voice of the individual and avoids the assumption that the reader is in a couple or hierarchical relationship.
May 10, 2023
Great for what it is, I was just hoping for something that talked a little more about different kinds of polyamorous families and relationships and how you can build the community and family that you want.
June 18, 2024
I don't think cheating is a low-pain solution for monogamous partners? But I really liked the inclusion at the end of each chapter of real life situations, and -- although I'm monogamous -- I now feel like I understand non-monogamous relationships/polyamory better than before! So that's a plus.
January 1, 2021
A little dry for my taste, but interesting subject.
April 22, 2021
Very practical
June 9, 2022
I think the best part of this was the anecdotes that went with each chapter.
April 9, 2018
A good resource for those who have already made the realization about their poly-leanings and what to think about in the process of coming out. For those still questioning, however, this feels a little overwhelming. Similarly, this isn’t the first book I would think of when suggesting resources to someone non-poly looking to understand better, as it can come across sometimes as those against the lifestyle for religious reasons, etc. are the “bad guys” to fight against. I can see that turning someone off who is trying to understand.
I won a copy in a Goodreads Giveaway and appreciate the opportunity to read this.
I won a copy in a Goodreads Giveaway and appreciate the opportunity to read this.
Read
June 7, 2020Genre: non-fiction
Focus: coming out as polyamorous
Notes: Very helpful for people who already know they are poly, not so much for informing non-poly people. The glossary at the end is helpful for anyone! Other than that, I would only recommend for poly people just because it’s not relevant to non-poly people.
Focus: coming out as polyamorous
Notes: Very helpful for people who already know they are poly, not so much for informing non-poly people. The glossary at the end is helpful for anyone! Other than that, I would only recommend for poly people just because it’s not relevant to non-poly people.
October 30, 2017
If you're new to polyamory, and working out how/if you should disclose this to your extended family, friends, coworkers, kids' school, this is an invaluable resource. It's not uncommon that, with the zeal of a new convert to religion or a vegan diet, polyamorous people want to tell EVERYBODY, but that may not be the best decision for them or their partners, and could have serious repercussions.
If you're already out of the polyamory closet, as I am, there are still some helpful tips and things to think about, but not as much value as there is for someone who is still closeted. It is also a book to have in addition to other works about polyamory - it's NOT a "how-to-poly."
Re: the book itself - I bought the paperback version, and I love that it is ethically printed on paper certified by the Rainforest Alliance, et al. I did not like the small font size - probably done to save on pages; yeah, saving the earth! but it was visually challenging to read in this format. I wish now I'd bought an e-version with scalable font.
The narrative text was supplemented with real-life stories that helped bring that point or dynamic to life. Overall, I recommend for people who are new to polyamory OR long-timers who thinking of coming out.
If you're already out of the polyamory closet, as I am, there are still some helpful tips and things to think about, but not as much value as there is for someone who is still closeted. It is also a book to have in addition to other works about polyamory - it's NOT a "how-to-poly."
Re: the book itself - I bought the paperback version, and I love that it is ethically printed on paper certified by the Rainforest Alliance, et al. I did not like the small font size - probably done to save on pages; yeah, saving the earth! but it was visually challenging to read in this format. I wish now I'd bought an e-version with scalable font.
The narrative text was supplemented with real-life stories that helped bring that point or dynamic to life. Overall, I recommend for people who are new to polyamory OR long-timers who thinking of coming out.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews