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The Trans Partner Handbook: A Guide for Partners of Trans People
Individuals who transition from one gender to another are often in some degree of a relationship, and over 55% of these relationships endure through the transition process.
While more resources are emerging for trans people themselves, there is very little information available for their partners. Through first-hand accounts and vignettes of successful partnerships, this book presents detailed descriptions of everything involved in the transition process, with specific guidance for those supporting a partner in transition. Topics include disclosure, mental health, coming out, loss and grief, sex and sexuality and the legal, medical and social practicalities of transitioning. In this essential guide, people whose partners are across the transgender spectrum speak out on their own experiences with personal advice and support for others.
While more resources are emerging for trans people themselves, there is very little information available for their partners. Through first-hand accounts and vignettes of successful partnerships, this book presents detailed descriptions of everything involved in the transition process, with specific guidance for those supporting a partner in transition. Topics include disclosure, mental health, coming out, loss and grief, sex and sexuality and the legal, medical and social practicalities of transitioning. In this essential guide, people whose partners are across the transgender spectrum speak out on their own experiences with personal advice and support for others.
184 pages, Paperback
Published August 21, 2017
34 people are currently reading
166 people want to read
About the author
Jo Green
10 books4 followersJo Green is a queer person who’s the author of Queer Paganism and the The Trans Partner Handbook. They also founded the largest active support space for partners of trans people, called Distinction Trans Partner Support. Jo is also lead singer and lyricist of a post punk band called Pentacorn and their pronouns are they/them/their.
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
October 14, 2017
3 stars only b/c i was hoping this would be a more comprehensive guide for partners of trans folks. I think the audience for this book is partners who have little prerequisite trans knowledge and/or are not sure whether they're comfortable staying their trans partner. If that's you, there is definitely some info that will help you better understand your partners' identity and the transition process.
What i was looking for and didn't get was more guidance around being a supportive partner while also taking care of yourself - things like adapting to new pronouns, how to be a good ally, how to renogotiate your own sexual identity, experiences of invisibility, etc. So, if that's what you're looking for, this is not the book for you.
What i was looking for and didn't get was more guidance around being a supportive partner while also taking care of yourself - things like adapting to new pronouns, how to be a good ally, how to renogotiate your own sexual identity, experiences of invisibility, etc. So, if that's what you're looking for, this is not the book for you.
August 20, 2018
I think my biggest gripe with this book is that it's called a handbook. It should be called an anecdotal book about being the partner of a trans person in the U.K. I like that the author devoted a whole page to a disclaimer about it being a limited book and how language is evolving, but I feel like that wasn't even enough. This is specific to the U.K. So get used to a lot of "U's" where they don't belong. And S in place of Z. The book got about 6 peoples' perspectives on their experiences with their partner through transition. I think the book also ended too soon, didn't really discuss parenting or life after transition. I also wish there was a little less opinion and a little more scientific research. I was mad it took them so long to introduce therapy for the partner. There aren't a ton of books on the subject, so it's a nice start, but ultimately this could have been like 300 more pages.
May 5, 2019
It's a pretty decent book. I'm glad it exists. Though I was disappointed that it talked about gender dysphoria but not about gender euphoria. The author says they wrote this because of having a trans partner and wishing they had a book like this to help. They clearly did research but not enough to realize that not all trans people experience dysphoria. That's a harmful thing to perpetuate, especially in a book that's supposed to help cisgender people understand. And it didn't really have a conclusion. Like it just went from facts to the glossary.
December 25, 2023
It was very nice to read something that allowed me to feel validated about my partner. That my feelings are real as well as theirs and I am allowed to feel how I do. Sometimes it's hard being the partner of a non-binary person when you grow up in such a binary world. But this book allowed me to accept my feelings and help my partner and I see more eye to eye on topics neither of us knew how to approach.
March 30, 2022
There’s little information or guidance, and the information is pretty specific to the UK. Don’t really recommend for people outside the UK.
It’s primarily a bunch of quotes and vignettes from real people and their experience in their relationship. It could have been helpful but it wasn’t done well? There were too many couples so it was difficult from chapter to chapter to remember context. There was contradicting information and experiences within the quotes (I understand that people have difference experiences but it’s also important to consider the way they are presenting this information and the purpose of the book). Like, in one quote it says that there’s not strong evidence to support that testosterone increases aggression, then on the next page, someone is talking about how it immediately led to increased aggression and they considered having their spouse move into his mother’s house… I’m sorry, does anyone find that to be helpful, productive, or assuring?!
Some parts REALLY seem to center the cisgender partner’s experience in places where it shouldn’t be centered. Here’s a section that really got me about what it was like for someone to go with their trans partner to an appointment:
“There is, however, a glaring lack of discussion and support for partners in the process.”
“The clinicians have made it perfectly clear to my partner and me that spouses are not welcome. My partner is special, and they will look out for her.”
Okay…. I wouldn’t expect my spouse’s dentist to support me, so why would I expect the person prescribing my spouse with hormones to support me? Seemed odd to me.
It’s primarily a bunch of quotes and vignettes from real people and their experience in their relationship. It could have been helpful but it wasn’t done well? There were too many couples so it was difficult from chapter to chapter to remember context. There was contradicting information and experiences within the quotes (I understand that people have difference experiences but it’s also important to consider the way they are presenting this information and the purpose of the book). Like, in one quote it says that there’s not strong evidence to support that testosterone increases aggression, then on the next page, someone is talking about how it immediately led to increased aggression and they considered having their spouse move into his mother’s house… I’m sorry, does anyone find that to be helpful, productive, or assuring?!
Some parts REALLY seem to center the cisgender partner’s experience in places where it shouldn’t be centered. Here’s a section that really got me about what it was like for someone to go with their trans partner to an appointment:
“There is, however, a glaring lack of discussion and support for partners in the process.”
“The clinicians have made it perfectly clear to my partner and me that spouses are not welcome. My partner is special, and they will look out for her.”
Okay…. I wouldn’t expect my spouse’s dentist to support me, so why would I expect the person prescribing my spouse with hormones to support me? Seemed odd to me.
September 19, 2019
While this book should never be read in place of someone's firsthand experience with transitioning, I believe it supplies a very nice complement to the subjects that come up, especially for someone intimately close to the person transitioning.
Jo Green offers a look into subjects facing the partners of trans people, including dysphoria, coming out, sexuality and gender (and how your own identities may shift), loss and grieving, as well as the nitty gritty of social, medical, and legal transition.
I will say that because Green is writing from a UK perspective, I wasn't sure how much some of the medical & legal information given would apply to American (or other) people, especially considering we do not have socialized medicine.
The format for much of the book is information and/or context given in short paragraphs, alternating with longer personal anecdotes from many interviewees. While I appreciate interspersing a more personal touch, I occasionally found this to be jarring and lost the thread a bit--I didn't always feel the personal essays chosen related *directly* to the paragraph above it (though they were certainly connected to the general topic), which made reading it feel a bit jumpy.
Overall, I'm so, so glad this exists as a resource. Green is incredibly thoughtful and specific in the way they write about trans folx from the first page, and shows a lot of compassion for both trans people and their partners.
Jo Green offers a look into subjects facing the partners of trans people, including dysphoria, coming out, sexuality and gender (and how your own identities may shift), loss and grieving, as well as the nitty gritty of social, medical, and legal transition.
I will say that because Green is writing from a UK perspective, I wasn't sure how much some of the medical & legal information given would apply to American (or other) people, especially considering we do not have socialized medicine.
The format for much of the book is information and/or context given in short paragraphs, alternating with longer personal anecdotes from many interviewees. While I appreciate interspersing a more personal touch, I occasionally found this to be jarring and lost the thread a bit--I didn't always feel the personal essays chosen related *directly* to the paragraph above it (though they were certainly connected to the general topic), which made reading it feel a bit jumpy.
Overall, I'm so, so glad this exists as a resource. Green is incredibly thoughtful and specific in the way they write about trans folx from the first page, and shows a lot of compassion for both trans people and their partners.
January 8, 2024
I'm giving this a high rating because it is one of the only resources for partners of trans people that I have found and I'm glad to find a resource in this neglected category! My favorite part was all of the quotes from partners about their experiences. I also appreciated that there was attention paid to partners of non-binary folks as well as of trans men and trans women. I would have liked a lot more information about the emotional side of having a partner transition. There is a lot at the beginning about what it means to be trans, which I already knew. And there was a lot at the end about logistics like caring for your spouse after surgery that also didn't feel very useful. Also, U.S. readers should note that the author is from the UK and so writes about transitioning in that system, which means a lot of the logistics do not apply to U.S. readers. Based on many of the anecdotes about how the trans spouses were treated by the UK medical system, I'm feeling better about living in the U.S., even with our lack of national healthcare!
August 17, 2019
I thought this was an excellent book to help someone understand why their partner has decided to change their gender. It's written by someone who has lived through that experience, so knows just how difficult and bewildering it can be.
There are contributions from other partners as well, which is extremely useful as no-one's journey is the same as another's, and gives different views to consider.
This is not a "How To" manual, but presents lots of information for a couple to work their way through their own unique situation with each other.
It helps you to understand your feelings and what is happening to your partner.
There are lots of resource links at the end of the book.
I would recommend this to anyone who's partner is transitioning, to people in the LGBT+ community, and others who may want to broaden their understanding of transgender issues.
There are contributions from other partners as well, which is extremely useful as no-one's journey is the same as another's, and gives different views to consider.
This is not a "How To" manual, but presents lots of information for a couple to work their way through their own unique situation with each other.
It helps you to understand your feelings and what is happening to your partner.
There are lots of resource links at the end of the book.
I would recommend this to anyone who's partner is transitioning, to people in the LGBT+ community, and others who may want to broaden their understanding of transgender issues.
December 19, 2020
This book was really comforting to me, especially in the very beginning of dealing with my spouse coming out as transgender earlier this year. It is short, straightforward and overall very positive. It helped me feel less alone and that there was hope for our marriage to continue to be successful. I would highly recommend it for people grappling with a partner's transition.
It is highly based on laws/practices in the UK, and thus not everything applied to me in terms of legal requirements and such, but it was a really great overview on the different things to be aware of.
It is highly based on laws/practices in the UK, and thus not everything applied to me in terms of legal requirements and such, but it was a really great overview on the different things to be aware of.
February 3, 2025
This book is designed to be most helpful to folks pretty close to the beginning of a partner's transition. It has a lot of helpful suggestions for processing what a transition will look like and how to best support yourself and your partner during it! It was still beneficial for me a year and a half in so I would recommend it for anyone wanting to learn more!
4 - good book, I'd recommend it to certain people in my life
4 - good book, I'd recommend it to certain people in my life
June 22, 2025
I read through this book hoping it could be a good read for my spouse, who is adjusting to my transition, but am going to donate instead. While the testimonials are a nice addition, it's mostly geared towards people who don't know much about trans people or are very early in transition and I'm already a couple years in. It's also based in the UK, so a lot of the advice was not relevant for us (eg., the legal advice section).
July 3, 2019
A lot of the information is very 101 style stuff that I already knew as my partner has been transitioning for over two years now, but it will be an important reference guide for me now that she will be attending a GIC appointment for the first time (tomorrow!) so that I know what to expect as her partner
June 9, 2020
This guide is a lovely and simple account to helping those who are partners of trans folks, offering helpful advice, laying out typical timelines, and highlighting different experiences that partners have had helping their loved ones transition.
Thank you so much to the author for putting this together!!
Thank you so much to the author for putting this together!!
June 7, 2024
I did like the overall knowledge presented in this book but since I am from the US all the medical information was based in Britain. Overall, the entirety did help me process the feelings I have been feeling about the transition period that we are both going through. There's a lot of talking points that I can definitely now sit down and talk to my partner about and what I can do to support them.
March 31, 2023
Like other reviewers I’m glad it exists and its a undeniably useful resource for partners of trans folks in the UK. Would love a less location specific version that covers more of the psycho social aspects of supporting a trans person.
May 1, 2018
a good intro for cis people who previously were unaware of trans folks. published/written from the perspective of cis partners with lots of direct quotes, based in the UK.
December 28, 2018
Definitely recommend this for partners.
January 2, 2019
Very informative
November 17, 2022
Great book for partners and family and friends as someone close to you transitions. I highly recommend
February 9, 2025
Thank you ♥️
July 14, 2020
This book is a very important resource aimed at supporting the reader to support their partner as they transition. It could also be useful if the trans person you know is a family member or close friend rather than partner.
The idea is that someone close to you coming out as trans can be a lot to deal with and it's okay to have conflicting feelings, but you need to deal with those on your own time and just be there to support that person. This book is a great place to start for those looking to educate themselves and work through their feelings, instead of expecting the person who has recently come out to do all the work.
It is aimed at people whose partner came out after they're already together, rather than someone whose partner just happens to be trans. Its target audience is people who might not have much knowledge about trans issues but want to start learning. I would still recommend it if those things don't apply to you, as it will still be interesting and could be useful for learning how to support trans friends and family.
It had some really interesting bits on couples where both people are trans and/or non-binary, and queer couples who are now read as straight after one comes out and losing queer community because of it. These are topics that don't often get covered in books and articles I've read.
Throughout the book, there are lots of quotes from people (cis and trans) in relationships with people who have come out as trans during the relationship. One of the cis partners said some really awful things and I really wished they hadn't included her in the book, so content warning for that, but the others were really interesting and all very honest.
The idea is that someone close to you coming out as trans can be a lot to deal with and it's okay to have conflicting feelings, but you need to deal with those on your own time and just be there to support that person. This book is a great place to start for those looking to educate themselves and work through their feelings, instead of expecting the person who has recently come out to do all the work.
It is aimed at people whose partner came out after they're already together, rather than someone whose partner just happens to be trans. Its target audience is people who might not have much knowledge about trans issues but want to start learning. I would still recommend it if those things don't apply to you, as it will still be interesting and could be useful for learning how to support trans friends and family.
It had some really interesting bits on couples where both people are trans and/or non-binary, and queer couples who are now read as straight after one comes out and losing queer community because of it. These are topics that don't often get covered in books and articles I've read.
Throughout the book, there are lots of quotes from people (cis and trans) in relationships with people who have come out as trans during the relationship. One of the cis partners said some really awful things and I really wished they hadn't included her in the book, so content warning for that, but the others were really interesting and all very honest.
January 4, 2021
This book would be more helpful to someone whose partner *just* came out. If your partner has been out for awhile and you're still together, then chances are most of the advice and info in this book is already extremely familiar to you. I will be donating this to my library so at least they have *something* in their catalog.
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September 14, 2018306.768 G7966 2017
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews